People Get Upset Over Their 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

“Last year, my friend and I got tickets for Taylor Swift in our country (Singapore). She secured us tickets in the front of the second level for day one and I was able to get us good floor seats for day four.

We are both University students. I babysit to earn cash and once a week do some work for my uncle.

Last week, the keyboard on my laptop stopped working just 6 weeks after my warranty expired. I took it to Apple and they said it needs to be replaced. It will cost about $1000 to fix it as it is out of warranty.

For that, I might as well just pay a few hundred dollars more and buy a new one, as there are a couple of other issues with it, notably an annoying crack in the screen from when I tripped over holding it.

I have decided to sell my floor ticket and just go on the first day.

I will get at least $2500 from selling it due to how close it is, more than enough to cover the laptop and the rest I can put into my savings account to have some savings handy in my account. This will be helpful for me for times when I need to babysit less because I am busy during exam periods.

My oldest sister is 10 years older and a lawyer. She was unable to get tickets. When she found out I was selling mine, she got angry I did not offer it to her for face value. Face value is not going to pay even half of a new laptop.

She said I was being scummy by buying tickets to sell for more. That was not my intention. I’m upset to have to sell the ticket but our parents are not well off and I need a working laptop for my studies. If the keyboard didn’t stop working, I wouldn’t be selling the ticket.

I’m only doing it out of necessity because I need this laptop for university. She said I should get a cheaper brand than Apple instead of scalping but everything is interlinked with my iPhone & Apple calendar and I don’t like Windows OS and want to be stuck with it for years.

I plan to buy an extended warranty this time and keep it for 3 years if possible.

I said if she bought me a new laptop with an extended warranty, she could have the ticket, but she refused it was unfair. So I plan to sell it.

But she keeps putting up stories on Instagram about how I am a trashy scammy scalper so IDK if I am being a jerk. I didn’t buy the ticket to resell it, I’m selling it because something lousy happened and I need the cash for my studies.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Your sister has no right to demand you sell it at face value. She is just spewing poison because she is upset at not being able to score the tickets herself, and because she is trying to manipulate and guilt you into giving them to her for a price that she cannot find in the market.” VioletLily2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That’s not scalping But I gotta say. “Aiming to” keep a laptop for three years? Dude. If you run through them so that three years seems like a challenge, you maybe should change to a cheaper model. (Not gonna go into the environmental impact rant but believe me I’m thinking it hard.)” No-Albatross-7984

Another User Comments:

“YTJ regardless of who would get the ticket, reselling tickets for a profit, and in this case an enormous profit is price gouging/ticket scalping and it is super unethical. You bought a ticket you no longer need and have created zero value but feel you deserve to make a huge profit off somebody who is desperate/ willing to spend a fortune.

You don’t need to give it to your sister but selling it for a huge profit is taking advantage of whoever you sell it to. It’s illegal in many countries.” Dry_Guest_8961

“I [22 F] went dress shopping with my maid of honour to look for a dress for my wedding. Getting right into things, I did not take my mother who was unwell and has been unwell multiple times/has been out of town and could not attend other appointments/basic consultations.

I have delayed dress shopping for months due to these factors and was not able to wait anymore/reschedule any more last-minute changes for her sake.

She okayed taking my maid of honour in her place, which I took as my green card to go ahead and proceed as normal with dress try-on.

Unintentionally, I found the dream dress that I had envisioned since day one of meeting my fiancé! I was over the moon smiling and made the unfortunate choice to call my mother and show her the dress. When I tell you I felt like I was in an episode of Say Yes to the Dress..

she immediately had her opinions, making me semi-grateful that she wasn’t able to attend. She has had a controlling influence on this whole wedding, with her changing our guest list, making her remarks about certain decor or flowers, etc.

I hung up, made my decision to go ahead with my dress because of the confidence it brought me, and didn’t look back.

I informed her of my decision which is when she went psycho, telling me how I was wrong for making a “snap decision,” cruel, and apathetic for doing this – icing on the cake was that she now disliked this dress.

A little back story that may help explain why I went through with this: I do not see any significance in this tradition, nor do I like anything about weddings.

This is “my time” to be happy and excited, but I have felt nothing but resentment and frustration over everything and anything to do with wedding planning, making my dress decision a checklist item, rather than an emotional gathering of people.

Back to the main story: she was rude, made me second thing everything about what was such a confident move, and didn’t get that I had full say over this decision given I would pay for my dress in full.

I understand that this was special to her, but this was not special to me. There will be other opportunities for her to see this dress on me, but for now, I am living with the fact that I finally stood up for myself and had the confidence to do what I wanted to do without her breathing down my neck about every decision I make.

(I am an only child, if that adds to the severity of her helicopter-ing).

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.  And yikes! Your mom is a piece of work.  You dodged a bullet by finding your dress without her there. But now, you need to set passwords with your vendors to make sure your mom doesn’t try to turn your wedding into her wedding.

And get security  (anyone who isn’t you or your SO) to control people who can’t control themselves.” FuzzyMom2005

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Say Yes to the Dress is a guilty pleasure; watch it on YouTube. I know the drama is often played up, but when it looks as real as it sometimes is, I have to close the page out of fury for these brides.

Just have a care that your mother doesn’t double down even more on trying to influence other choices. She didn’t get her way with the dress, so she’s likely to make up for that in other ways.” LoveChins2024

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you need to put her on an information diet.

Quit telling her anything about the wedding, and please, put passwords on all of your vendors so she can’t change your flowers or catering or whatever. Have a good friend or family member keep an eye on her during the ceremony so she doesn’t loudly hate every aspect of your ceremony.

Something tells me that she’s going to show up in a wedding dress.” MelodramaticMouse

“Me (29f) and my husband (29M) have a beautiful 1-year-old daughter.

Backstory: A year before we had our daughter, we lived 2 hours away from each other. When I fell pregnant, we moved into my husband’s place. I’m very family-orientated, with 3 younger sisters whom I adore and who are my best friends. Last year, when I had our baby, my husband and I moved elsewhere (2 hours from his upbringing/family, 4 hours from mine).

I went back to work when my daughter was 5 months old. My MIL travels two hours each week to and from us, to look after my daughter for 2 days a week. My husband minds our daughter the other 3 days.

My mum has 3 kids under 15, with the youngest 2 being 8 and 11 – so she’s unable to drive 4 hours to babysit obviously.

However, without asking, she’s happily offered to babysit at her place and come and stay with us during the school holidays (12 weeks each year) to mind our daughter. Coming up to the holidays, it was agreed my family would spend Christmas and New Year with us – and leave on 3rd Jan.

On the 4th Jan, I took my daughter to see my MIL, as I understood she would’ve missed her.

Current issue: for two weeks (8th-19th Jan) work is extremely busy and I need either my mum or MIL here to help me with meals & looking after my baby.

I would prefer it to be my mother as I don’t spend time with her during the year – BUT I asked my MIL first if she wanted to come and babysit during those two weeks. She said no, so I asked my mum to (who said yes).

It’s the start of the second week and this morning my husband asked me if he could go take our daughter to see his mum. I was shocked and so hurt. (My mum barely gets to spend time with her and you want to take her away from me and my mum??)

My husband doesn’t like me spending more than 2 nights away from him, and as mentioned above, with the four hours distance and my mum having younger kids with school/sporting commitments my mum only sees our daughter during school breaks, compared to my MIL who sees her weekly in the school term.

Because of this, my husband believes my MIL needs to see her more because she misses her and is more of a grandmother to our daughter.

My husband thinks I’m trying to hurt my MIL or play games with his mum/my MIL. I’ve told him that she can come to stay with us next week after my family leaves.

He thinks that his mum/my MIL deserves to see our daughter because she looks after her 2 days a week.

AITJ for thinking my MIL can wait until next week to see our daughter?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Current issue: for two weeks (8th-19th Jan) work is extremely busy and I need either my mum or MIL here to help me with meals & looking after my baby.

Your mom is there to help you with a busy period at work. May I ask why your mom came to help instead of leaning on your husband? Your MIL is free to visit. He’s interfering and makes me wonder why he isn’t the one picking up the slack with the kid.” indicatprincess

Another User Comments:

“YTJ sorry but your mom has a solid two weeks and you’re not okay with hubby taking one day at the holidays to visit his mom? Your side gets both major winter holidays bc why? Are you planning on doing Christmas and New Year’s with his family next year?

Or is your side going to get all the holidays, but his side is only good enough for free labour? Also, your MIL drives 4 HOURS (2 there and 2 back) 2 days a week to babysit your kid!? Are you prepared for that to stop? Where are your mom’s younger kids during this period?

Did they come with? Did she just ditch them for 2 weeks????” No-Locksmith-8590

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Offer to FaceTime. Otherwise, it’s fair that she waits one week. But I hope you show more appreciation to her than it sounds like you show. She’s giving you huge support at a major inconvenience to herself and it seems like you feel more entitled to it than appreciative of it.

You do know that if your MIL posted on this sub asking AITJ for deciding to stop babysitting my granddaughter, she would be voted not the jerk and be told over and over that she doesn’t owe you babysitting? You’ve been incredibly lucky with the help that you get and it sounds like you take it for granted. NTJ” Dana07620

“I moved to the US from Turkey a year ago (m21) by saving money from the start of 2019 to the end of 2022 by doing various things. Throughout this, my mom (F49) was never supportive of this idea and said that she doesn’t wish for a world where I’m not at home when she returns from work.

I have a special situation I was born in the US so I always wanted to settle my life there after I became an adult, my entire life was based on that too in my perspective.

Despite she wasn’t supportive of me, due to me being serious and relentless, she had no choice but to support me in the end, and allowed me to go to the US.

I had hard days at first but eventually, I found a decently paying job and started attending classes. During this period, my mom started to demand that I fill out an immigrant petition for her to come here so she could support me.

At first, I refused and said that it was not her right to come here, I didn’t want her to take advantage of me.

But due to the economy and everything going terribly in Turkey, I had to accept in the end. I was doing it out of respite and pity and thought she was in desperate need of my help, but after finding out my mom is bragging about how she’s moving to the US soon to people around her and making long-term plans surrounding the opportunities she could get from me, my perspective changed immensely.

It seemed to me that she was trying to achieve things she never was able to herself on the back of me, and this disgusted me immensely. However since I already filled out the forms, I had no choice but to proceed with it. When she told me that I should look for a house for myself and her when her form gets approved, I told her that I don’t plan to live with her and that I won’t team with her as well.

She was shocked and thought I was joking at first but I told her that I wouldn’t toss away my own smooth life because she was coming here and that I was not interested in sharing my money and opportunities for her long-term plans that mostly would benefit her.

She then asked if I was proposing to her to stay on the street, I just told her to figure it out herself. Now she antagonizes me and tells me that I am so unloving, unempathetic and mean and that I hate her despite all she did for me.

I feel like she’s trying to gaslight me, am I a jerk to tell her to figure it out herself or am I doing the right thing as an adult?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She wants to use you. >my mom started to demand that I fill out an immigrant petition for her to come here so she can support me That is not her intention.

>she kept saying she’s coming here for my own sake, not hers No she isn’t.” diminishingpatience

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother is an adult and can and should take care of herself. It is not your responsibility to support her. If you want to help get her settled in, that would be an appropriate response.

Let her know that you will not be financially supporting her if she does choose to immigrate.” RugbyKats

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m not Turkish so I can’t tell whether it’s cultural or not, but one thing’s for sure, your mother is taking you for granted. She doesn’t understand that you’re not an anchor for her to get a new life, you’re your own person.

And I feel like there was no good time for her to learn that, even though this particular time is not ideal for her. But she’s not in the US yet, she does have time to figure things out before she makes the move that you have made possible up to that point.

You’re your own person with your own life. It’s time she understands this, and does the same. Only once she treats you as a person outside of herself can you two maybe consider having a closer bond.” ladyteruki

“AITJ for storming out of my in-laws for feeding my baby?

My mother-in-law and I have a pretty great relationship and I love her but sometimes I just feel like she thinks a lot less of me than her biological children. My 8-month-old baby recently went through some health problems and lost quite a bit of weight but her doctor had no problem with it because she was quite chunky before and it just wasn’t a concern she said it’s normal for them to lose weight when sick.

My baby is healthy again now but still had some problems with feeding even after she was healthy (it’s now been resolved and she’s thriving) I EBF (exclusively breastfeed) and my mother-in-law says that I don’t have enough milk for my baby and that’s why she keeps unlatching (I think it’s just she gets distracted easily and as soon as she hears something she wants to see what it is) she told me that I need to start giving her formula or feed her my SIL milk because she has very fatty milk.

I told her no and that I know I have enough milk because when I pump I pump about 16 ounces per session and when I let it stand there is a lot of fat at the top ( although I don’t pump often)

Okay now here is where I got upset.

She told my SIL about it and she brought milk to my mother-in-law’s house behind my back while I was cleaning up my mother-in-law’s house she was watching my kids so that I could clean in peace and get it done quicker. Once I finished I went into her room and there she was feeding my daughter my SIL’s milk.

I got really upset and told her that I had just fed her an hour ago and that I asked her not to feed her anything. She said she was crying and very hungry and she was too skinny. I took my kids and went home right away.

My Sil and Mil have all texted me saying I was rude to just leave like that without saying anything and that I’m overreacting. My husband is also very upset with his mother because he said she has never been supportive of my breastfeeding because my daughter had so many foods I needed to avoid.

Another one of my Sil texted me saying I’m not welcome at her house anymore until I apologize to my Mil because she was very hurt by me.

I honestly don’t know if I overreacted because I’m sensitive about the subject or if my mother-in-law is just trying to act like the victim”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. While I know throughout history women have shared breast milk, that is not ok without the mother’s consent. This was a major overreach and you should reply that they’re no longer welcome to see your child until they apologize and learn to respect your boundaries.” Witty-Stock-4913

Another User Comments:

“You ever hear the phrase “Don’t threaten me with a good time?” Sometimes the best gift you can give yourself is just saying “Okay” when some dummy feints stupid threats like “You can’t play at my house because you didn’t appreciate me feeding your child my breast milk without my knowledge.” Don’t engage with either of them.

Being a parent means picking your battles.  Keep your baby away from these nuts and enjoy the time away from crazy. NTJ.” epiphanomaly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Holy inappropriate behaviour! Your in-laws shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near your baby! This is not their child, they disregarded your instructions and went behind your back.

You’re not overreacting. No one should be feeding your child anything without your permission.” FuzzyMom2005

“My partner Laura (30F) and I (31M) have been together for two years.

We don’t live together, and are not financially dependent on each other. We both have average-paying jobs, and I usually get by with a tiny bit of savings each month but I know Laura lives paycheck to paycheck and is usually flat broke a day or two before her direct deposit hits every month.

We don’t split everything down the middle 50/50 but we take turns treating each other evenly.

Laura used to work in the bar industry but now works as an assistant at an office. Due to her previous line of work, she has a lot of bartender friends, and loves the bar culture.

A night out with Laura usually means we would hop bars till 2am, and she knows all the bartenders at all the bars we go to. She’d usually leave 50-100% tips. If we were going out on the day of or the day after she just got paid, her tips will usually be 100%.

According to her it is “to show support” since people in the service industry are not paid enough. I agree with her but tipping 50-100% is beyond ridiculous. Most of the time her friends don’t even comp some items or give discounts on the bill, which I don’t expect either but just mentioning it here to say I am talking about tipping on the bill where we are paying the full prices.

Yes, it is good to tip, and I get tipping 100% if you are in that tax bracket and can afford it without betting an eye, but both Laura and I probably make the same, if not less, than what these bartenders make (we live in downtown of a major city where bartenders are known to make six figures).

I think it’s ridiculous, but I normally don’t say anything when she’s paying and leaving 50-100% tips, but she expects me to leave hefty tips when I’m paying too. One time I unexpectedly got a $100 bonus in cash at work, so I took Laura out to a bar, the bill was around $40 and she expects me to just give the whole $100 for the bill and the rest as tips.

That’s a lot of money! I told her recently that that is a broke type of mentality, and that I know she just wants to share the wealth and take care of service industry workers but she has no emergency savings or have any financial plans for herself and is basically throwing money away whenever she gets paid.

Apparently, I’m being a jerk because I have never worked in the service industry so I wouldn’t understand. I personally don’t think you need to have worked in the service industry to understand tipping more than 25% when you can’t really afford to is ridiculous.”

Another User Comments:

“I used to work in the industry. Whenever I’m comped anything I put that amount towards the tip. But otherwise, yeah, tipping more than usual makes sense, but it’s irresponsible to tip so much IMO. It’s not high school, you’re not trying to buy approval. I’d tip up to 30% for her friends, and less for just some person pouring me drinks.

Also, are they just filing a beer pint or making a cocktail. I tip for cocktails, but if you pour a beer for me you get $1 for your 20 seconds of work. She has no right to comment on what you’re tipping if it’s not embarrassingly low and until you share finances you should just let her way overtip her friends to look cool.” bawtatron2000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Laura is being ridiculous. She literally has no money saved but she’s giving what she has to not just tipping but going to a bar on the regular, as well. I know that it’s fine to have fun once in a while but spending $100 in a night to drink is insane if you don’t have any savings to fall back on.

Listen, OP, your partner may have 101 great qualities but financial irresponsibility is a terrible trait in a partner. It would be one thing if she’s just blowing her money but she expects you to do the same. Y’all are getting older, basic living is getting outrageously expensive, and it’s time to hunker down.

You can’t force her to listen to you, but I’d stop going with her on outings where doubling the bill is her expectation.” moew4974

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I can see why your partner wants to support the service industry. However a 50 – 100% tip is way too extravagant if you’re living paycheck to paycheck.

You can’t tell her what to do with her money but she can’t expect you to spend excessively either.” Apart-Ad-6518

“My daughter (16f) was always very expressive about her femininity, she always had glitter on her, her favorite color was pink, she had bows in her hair, skirts and dresses were her favorite clothes, she was very gentle and shy, she was like those princesses from the books.

Almost a year ago she started to change, slowly she stopped wearing pink, dresses and skirts and went to oversized pants and t-shirts. She stopped wearing makeup and it was rare to see any color on her that wasn’t dark. I tried to talk to her but she would just shut me out, she became a different person.

I put her in therapy and it had helped a little but not by much. I didn’t know what to do anymore so I just let her be but made sure that I was there for her and to continue her therapy.

Two days ago my daughter finally broke down and admitted that her brother has been picking on her and laughing about her.

She said he kept talking about the sentence “lipstick on a pig” around her.

I was shocked, I never thought my son would act like that but I knew she was telling the truth from the pain in her eyes.

When my son came back home that day I told him that my daughter told me what he did and that he’s grounded until his 18th birthday (it’s in 5 months), I took his phone and computer and told him that he would get his phone before school and that I will take it back when I get home (I get home around the same time as him since he have a long school day and basketball practice).

He tried to protest but I just asked him if she was lying and he wouldn’t answer me so I took that as a yes and hasn’t talked to him since except for when I have.

I don’t know how to deal with all of this, my daughter seems to get worse since I grounded her brother but she has told me that he hasn’t talked to her since and that she just feels bad.

I’m starting to feel bad too, both of my kids are miserable now, I’m barely talking to my son and I don’t know how to even begin to explain this to my family since my husband’s side of the family has heard about this and has been sending me an angry text along with my SIL coming to my house to scold me about not listening to his side.

My husband supports my punishment but he works long hours and isn’t home too much so it’s all up to me.

I need to know if I’m in the wrong here?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ Deep down you know it. Your punishment is not in line with the “crime”.

Siblings tease each other. I’m sure she’s not 100% innocent, but I doubt you gave your son any opportunity to speak about anything. You’ve made your son a prisoner and you ignore him in his own home. This is a cruel punishment. His own mother won’t even speak to him because he teased his sister.

I very highly doubt your daughter’s changes are purely about what her brother said. But you’re not going to bother looking into that, you’re too busy being the warden. You’re a jerk and shown by your actions that you are unfit to be a parent.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“From the fact here YTJ. You went straight to grounding because you were sure he did it and didn’t even ask for his side of the story. Could he possibly have done everything your daughter said? Absolutely, but in the end from your son’s perspective, it doesn’t matter because you had already made your decision, and it is an uphill battle to sway your mind.” IndependentIdeal5962

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. So…me and my sisters were EXTREMELY bullied by our brother. It was not playful taunting. It was mistreatment. I will have self-esteem issues for the rest of my life because my parents didn’t do anything about it. However, I think my brother was undiagnosed with something.

Autism, maybe? I think you need to know where your son is coming from to get the overall picture of the situation and fix it accordingly. Find out why he is doing it, because he has his own story that also matters.” ConcreteKeys

“My father passed away many years ago, and my mother didn’t remarry. She is now in a prominent political position, akin to a mayor in Western countries.

For the last couple of years, she has been seeing one of her old classmates. The thing is, she is trying to keep this relationship a secret, but they’re not very adept at technology.

I never pry into her phone, but sometimes use it when she asks me to, and you can very easily see his messages popping up while working on the phone.

Yesterday she asked me to use her phone and I noticed they’ve been unsending/deleting messages to each other, I think they’ve been sending each other inappropriate pictures.

I discovered that they’ve been booking hotels too, which I can only imagine is for private time.

As much as I dislike seeing my mom with this person, and finding these explicit things, I cannot stop her because she’s a grown woman and it’s her decision.

I can’t stop her from seeing someone just because he gives me the creeps. I can’t force her to be alone for the rest of her life just for me.

But the thing is, if these pictures ever get out, she’ll be in big trouble.

Because of their carelessness, people have already started to suspect things. One of her other schoolmates has warned her not to become like our last mayor, who had to retire because of a scandal. I don’t trust the guy, I wouldn’t put it past him to save the photos or record their time together just for the thrill of it.

My mom has seen other people in the past (I found out the same way) so it won’t be surprising if she loses interest in him and moves on. And I fear he might start blackmailing her with the pictures or videos when he faces rejection.

He just really gives me bad vibes. My uncle, who has just started to get a whiff of things, has also never liked him before, and finds him problematic.

So, would I be the jerk if I just tell her that I don’t want to talk about her relationship, but she should try to be more careful as she’s not tech-savvy and might not even realize that she’s putting herself in danger?

If the people in our town find out she will have to leave politics and might be socially ostracised too. I will specifically tell her that this isn’t about the morality or ethics of the situation, and simply about the political strategy, will that be too bad?”

Another User Comments:

“It depends how you approach it, but I’d say you wouldn’t be the jerk. You’re looking out for your mom’s safety and best interests. Telling her pretty much what you said in your post would work pretty well. Something like “Hey, mom.

I don’t mean to invade your privacy but I’ve seen some of the texts between you and your partner when you asked me to do something on your phone. I’m concerned about them possibly screenshotting or videoing things and using them against you.

I just wanted you to know about my concerns, and maybe be more careful in the future?”” Genderfluid_smolbean

Another User Comments:

“You would be the jerk because you have no evidence besides your suspicions based on deleted chat messages. That’s all you have?

And based on others’ reactions, it sounds like the real issue is the relationship happening in the first place. The suspected, unconfirmed photos are not the problem – if they exist at all.” ironchef8000

“My friend and I have been friends since middle school.

We are all f20. We survived all odds of public school with each other lol. I need to give initials to the story to make sense. So the girl I’m speaking about, the one I told this to, we can call her H. My best friend, who we hang out with often, we can call her N.

H has a long-time partner that we can call B.

So basically, H has always been a bigger girl. Since getting to be adults, I would say she is 60-80 lbs overweight, just for context. She is a pretty girl, very likable, like I said my best friend.

Weight is the last thing I ever notice about her.

Except for the fact she brings it up. All. The. Time.

I mean all the time.

Beach, shopping, over text at night, group chats discussing birthdays, you name it, she’s mentioning her weight in a negative light.

B, her partner, has expressed to me before privately that her weight doesn’t bother him, but her constant complaining about it does. She cried to him often about it. Now, H is active. She goes to the gym semi-regularly and used to be very active in CrossFit.

But she eats horribly. And I don’t mean to be rude but she does, fast food for at least two meals a day, large portions, all that.

So the other day, we were at the beach, and she pointed to our other friend, N (who is stick thin) and said “I wanna be like you how did you lose your weight?” Because N used to be heavier than she is.

Not overweight but she had gotten skinnier. N admits that she lost a lot of weight very unhealthily and that she shouldn’t do what she did.

So H points to me and asks what I do to stay in shape. I tell her that my job is 80% active, so it helps, but other than that I run and try to eat healthy.

Which is true and she knows that. I said “H, if you are serious about losing weight, come run with me at my gym! I’ll also show you what I eat because I have a few low-calorie meals that are pretty good. It’s 90% your diet if you want to lose weight and I can show you how to get a better one?”

H lost her cool. Crying, offended, and hadn’t spoken to me in DAYS. B, the partner, said that I was extremely rude to her and it seems like H is twisting the story to make it sound like I was meaner than I was.

I genuinely wasn’t trying to be mean at all and have apologized multiple times. AITJ for this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I have no idea how she could have twisted this to her partner. What you gave was genuine sound advice. It sounds like she just doesn’t want to hear it/is not willing to make any proper changes to her lifestyle.

Some people would rather complain and pretend they’re helpless as opposed to putting in the work. Which… is just not eating fast food for two meals a day. Eating fast food once a week is bad enough, how can anyone expect to lose weight if it’s over 70% of their diet?” CumOnTheBus

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ. She asked a question, you gave an honest answer. And since is constantly complaining about her weight, it’s a fair assumption that she wanted tips. Unfortunately, she may just prefer to hear that you and your other letter friend are just naturally lucky, your weight is all due to your genes, and you have a great metabolism.” Dittoheadforever

Another User Comments:

“She is very insecure about her weight and the reality that it’s tied to what she eats might have seemed like a personal attack to her. You just told her things that could help her when she asked for help. Easy NTJ, but your friend should probably go to therapy to work through her body image issues and get the confidence to make the change she wants” Kapootz

“To make a long intro short, my dad and I were in an accident last year that left him physically and mentally disabled. Long before the accident happened, my dad had updated his will & power of attorney, naming me.

It’s important to note that I was the passenger and also injured in the accident and will have long-term medical issues as a result of the accident.

After the accident, his mother (we’ll call her G) showed up for a few days, screaming that it was my fault and G had to be kicked out of the hospital several times.

G ended up going on vacation out of the country a few days after the accident, because “sitting with my dad (who was in a coma) was a waste of time”. Eventually, I tried to forgive G and tried to schedule video calls with my dad, so he could hear G’s voice.

That went on, semi-smoothly, for about two months.

That ended after G showed up at the hospital unannounced and verbally assaulted nurses and doctors when I wasn’t present or had given her permission to visit. When she would visit, the doctors told me that G repeatedly tried to convince my dad that he had never loved or wanted to be with my mom and that the partner was his “true love”.

The doctors were concerned with her “stories” actually causing further confusion for my dad and asked that she not be allowed to visit if she was going to continue doing this.

With the partner (we’ll call her B), they had only been seeing each other a few months.

I hadn’t met B before this and neither had any of my dad’s closest friends. They believed it was a short-term fling, as my dad never talked about B being serious. Eventually, things between B and me went sour after she used to social worker’s license to sneak into the hospitals my dad was at for unsupervised visits.

She was also trying to get medical information about my dad by impersonating him as his social worker and had even tried to report me.

Eventually, things got bad enough that the partner and grandmother went to the police saying I caused the accident. I ended up getting a restraining order against them for my dad as I no longer feel he is safe with them and now my grandmother is trying to sue me again.

I have visited my dad every day for the last 9 months and all I want to do is get back to work so my dad won’t feel like I’m hovering (but I’m still worried about the grandmother). AITJ for getting the restraining order? Or should I have tried to make it work with my grandmother?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I would’ve gone farther and tried to report the partner for impersonating a social worker. These two sound like they will harm your father’s recovery and as POA it’s your right to take action that is in your father’s best interest. Maybe they can come back into your father’s life, but not now.” SandalsResort

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. From what you described, your grandmother is abusive and she was hurting your dad’s recovery. The partner was horrible too, what with impersonating a social worker and all. I’m sorry, and I wish you the best.” SushiGuacDNA

“My wife and I have been together for 6 years and married for 3. My brother-in-law and I are pretty close as we are only a few years apart in age and have many similar interests.

For context: I recently purchased my first house with a bit of assistance from my parents after I finally got a good job and on my feet after grad school.

My wife wasn’t in a position financially where she felt comfortable with purchasing a home but I was tired of paying rent and we wanted to still live together so I am the homeowner but we do live together. She pays a few bills that she can afford, and I take care of almost everything else.

About a year ago my BIL moved to the city I had purchased a home in a few months after he graduated college and finally found a job. Right before the holidays this past year he was laid off. His lease was up around the same time and he was considering moving back home to try and reassess things but it’s such a far move and he was enjoying the city so much that my wife asked if he could stay with us.

No big deal, we have plenty of space in the house as it’s just my wife my dog and myself.

Initially, when this came up I chatted with him about it and he said he would appreciate it and was looking for work and had some good leads, also that in the meantime he was bartending and Ubering and would be able to pay me to rent, so going on the trusted person clause I told him he didn’t need to worry about it for a month, that was December.

I told him he could start paying me in January and mine I’m not asking for a crazy amount of money because it’s less about that but more about the principle he is family but I don’t want to be taken advantage of either.

My wife told me that I’m being “terrible” and that she thinks it’s embarrassing to her and her family for me to ask him to pay rent while staying with us, he said he sees himself here for at least 3-4 months and on top of that he’s not the best house guest either.

When I asked him about rent money he now acted like it was a problem when he was the one who suggested it in the first place. My wife is really upset with me about all of this and I truly feel like it’s not her place to tell me how to handle the situation.

I told her the same thing and she didn’t take it well. I’m just wondering AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, you are not acting like a married couple at all. That house is a marital asset and belongs to both of you. I would not charge the family rent while he is getting back on his feet.

But I would have him pay for utilities and food. Both to help with the expense and to keep him motivated to make progress.” 3oogerEater

Another User Comments:

“If you are married, your wife is part of the discussion. Also, why isn’t your wife’s name on the deed?

You didn’t put her on the deed because she can’t afford to go 50/50? You are MARRIED, dude. Of course, you live together, even if she can’t split all costs. You say it like you are doing her a huge favour. I am editing this to say that I do think your brother should pay a modest rent for that length of time, but I find your attitude towards your wife very odd and chauvinistic.

For that reason alone: YTJ.” Maximum-Swan-1009

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Family or not, they are using utilities, eating your food, using your space. If you want to cover that cost yourself, fine, but I don’t think anyone should be expected to cover someone else’s expenses that THEY incur.

Your wife also needs to remember it is *your* house. She isn’t even paying for half of everything to be calling these kinds of shots. Being helpful is nice, not letting someone get too comfortable where they DON’T pay rent? Isn’t rude.” Unfair-Arachnid-1794

“I have a 19-year-old stepdaughter (Molly) she attends college 2.5 hours away and visits us a few times a month for 2-3 days at a time.

For the most part, she’s pretty good, and I do love her and enjoy planning activities and outings when she’s here.

For the past 6 months or so, Molly has become extremely picky about the food my husband or I cook, but not any other food.

She will try a dish, take 1 bite, and if she doesn’t like it, throw it in the trash. I mean, throw the entire dish in the trash, not just the bite she tried. For ex: I’ll make a homemade lasagna, that she’s had many times before, she takes a bite, decides it’s not to her liking, and immediately tosses the entire pan into the garbage.

This always happens when neither myself nor my husband are in the kitchen with her. We’ve both asked Molly why she throws the food out, and it’s always the same response, it wasn’t any good and she can’t eat it. We’ve asked her to please stop throwing away entire dishes because we will eat them and she says she doesn’t want to even look at it anymore.

(As far as we know, Molly only does this with us.)

I finally told Molly and my husband (he agreed with me) that the next time she tosses a dish either of us has made, she will assume full cooking responsibilities when she’s here. That way whatever is made will be to her liking.

It happened again, and I stuck by what I had said. Molly got upset and went to her mom’s, 30 minutes away, because her time with us or her mom is supposed to be fun and relaxing not having to do chores. Molly’s mom called my husband in a rage, screaming how we are treating Molly unfairly, she’s a child, and it’s not that hard to just fix a different meal to make her happy, and accusing us of emotional and mental mistreatment.

(Molly’s mom does not cook so they either go out or order food for all of their meals.)

Molly is currently refusing to visit unless I apologize to her and agree she can do what she wants with the food. My husband misses his daughter, but he’s siding with me on this saying Molly has been wasteful and disrespectful of our cooking and hospitality.

(We never cook anything we know she dislikes, when she’s here we tend to make dishes that she’s always enjoyed before and ask for her input and suggestions but she says she doesn’t care what we make.)

I feel bad because I know this is hurting my husband and I do miss Molly, plus I want her to spend time with us and have a good time doing so.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Molly is an adult. If she’s old enough and functional enough to attend college, she is perfectly able to understand why her behaviour is unacceptable and to cook her meals. Her mother is doing her a disservice by defending this indefensible and bizarre behaviour.

Making her another meal would hardly solve the problem since she doesn’t appear willing to eat anything you make. How much food are you expected to waste? Could this be some kind of eating disorder? It would be a really strange, rude manifestation but I can’t think of any other reason she’s suddenly acting this way.” Icy_Blueness1206

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but has no one sat down and talked over why she’s doing this? Why is she taking away your food and not doing something different, why doesn’t care that she’s making you go hungry, and why doesn’t care about the money she’s wasting?

About what would happen if she just did something else? Like, I feel that there’s a mental health problem, or she’s just a raging jerk of unusual proportions.” FishScrumptious

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but the whole family may have contributed to raising a brat.

Does she not know how much effort goes into making food? She is showing disrespect by throwing out food you do not want to eat. My picky daughter learned her way around the kitchen. Or bought her stuff. She has enough to $ get her food.

This is basic adulting.” Mitchyblueyez

“I am a (28F) female who was let go from my last employer. I was gender discriminated against and put under the bus for things I didn’t do and also mistreated (not sexually, just in general).

The manager took the male workers’ sides of the argument and eventually, they kicked me out. There were many other things I was mistreated for but I won’t go into details as the list is too long. It was a very traumatic experience, and to this day (5 months later) I have depression and near PTSD from the whole ordeal.

My MIL (65F) is an extremely social and outgoing person. She loves to gossip about other people both good and bad news. She’s super nosy, she will ask every person she meets about their employer and salaries, religion, kids, etc. She loves hearing about other people’s life updates.

She will talk to me about people I have never met and will go on for many minutes about that stranger’s job, health, kids’ lives, etc. She opens herself up completely to people and does not know how to keep secrets.

She has been asking me since 5 months ago who my employer is.

When I first told her “No, I’m not comfortable talking about it”, she rolled her eyes and expressively showed that she was insulted.

She has been bugging and nearly harassing me for many months, to the point where she has started complaining about me to her husband, her daughter (my SIL) and possibly her 3 sisters and other groups of friends.

It is ruining our relationship. My husband, at one point, asked her why she is treating me like this and she admittedly thinks that I “don’t trust her” and that I’m “dishonest”.

She doesn’t understand that it’s not like that at all and that talking about it resurfaces my depression (that I am trying to climb out of) and borderline PTSD.

The only person that knows about my situation is my husband.

I understand her point of view, being that she is extremely extroverted and chooses to be an open book to everybody she meets, but she also believes the family should be telling each other EVERYTHING about each other.

I think my point of view is also valid. Who my employer is, is my business and my business only. For 5 years, she’s already learned a lot about me. She knows more about my recent stories than my mother!!! (And I am extremely close to my mom) Idk what to do anymore, my husband tried to tell her to stop but she won’t listen because she is so nosy…

AITJ for not telling my MIL who my employer is? (Also I will answer questions as best as I can)”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You don’t owe your MIL any explanation. Your husband, however, needs to step up and put an FIRM boundary in place with his mother.

If she agrees to the boundary and then tries to step over it again, you and your husband need to restate the boundary and leave the situation even if it’s a family gathering. IDK what your living situation is, but don’t invite her to your place either so you’re not stuck trying to kick her out of your home when she’s disrespectful.

Without facing consequences for her actions, she won’t take either of you seriously.” macabre21

Another User Comments:

“I understand. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from my previous workplace. Severe bullying and a hostile working environment are not something I would wish on anyone. Would saying something like “I have trauma from my previous workplace I would prefer to not discuss it” shut her up or make her more curious?

Sounds like a frustrating place to be at. OP you’re NTJ. Hopefully, your partner can get her to back off about it. Especially since she’s such a gossip and you’re not ready to talk about it” SLSandybanks

“Rather than plan a bachelor party, my fiancé (30F) and I (30M) planned a sort of engagement party/trip (weekend getaway at a cute Airbnb cabin) and invited the entirety of our wedding list under 40.

This includes a group of friends from high school that I considered at the time to be close lifelong friends. All of them initially confirmed their attendance. One of them (we’ll call her Sam), who I’ve drifted from but is still part of the larger group I’m close with, never responded. A few months later I started getting cancellations from everyone in the group, aside from my closest friend.

I eventually found out that Sam, who got engaged after we had sent out invites for this event, had planned her bachelorette party in the same location a week later. My friends were cancelling to attend her event. Needless to say, I was not invited to her wedding either.

As we’ve drifted, the non-invite didn’t bother me, but the lead-up to it did.

While I recognize that they may have stayed in touch with her more over the years and wanted to prioritize their friendship with her, I was saddened by the way the situation was handled by both Sam and our mutual friends.

I considered what Sam did to be inconsiderate, selfish, and immature at best, and a conniving, manipulative power move at worst. I considered my other friends disloyal for not communicating more directly with her about the conflict she was creating, and for not having a transparent conversation with me.

A few months ago, I ran into Sam at a wedding. She was gushing and acted as if she was reuniting with her best friend, to which I responded with a cordial, monotone greeting. I was not rude but was unfriendly to her the whole weekend.

My version of a cold shoulder. I’m not sure if I handled this correctly, if I was immature or if I’m the jerk for this.

I’ve since spent quite a bit of time with the rest of the group and tried to put things in the past. But recently Sam was in town and planned a few casual meetups, my fiancé and I were left without an invite.

Even my closest friend didn’t mention the events. I felt betrayed and am not sure whether my strong negative feelings for them are a sign of my immaturity and inability to cope with being excluded, or whether my disappointment is justified. I have told my fiancé I think they are not great friends and don’t feel inclined to invest my time in friends who are not loyal and supportive.

I’m not sure if I’m a jerk for taking such a stance on such a petty event, that they are not directly in control over.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ. If you have already made plans and accepted an invitation, you don’t just cancel because something else comes up.

I would have disinvited all of the friends who cancelled because of her bachelor party. They were disloyal and Sam was a jerk for not responding to your invitation.” DenMaskeredeHaevner

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – I think your reaction to Sam at this wedding was absolutely fine.

That is what you asked for judgment on. When it comes to the engagement weekend debacle I honestly have no idea. I am very inclined to think Sam sounds like she is in the wrong. But it’s suspicious that almost everyone ditched you for her.

So I do think there’s enough info to understand this one” jrm1102

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I would not invite them to your wedding and cut all ties once they cancelled. It’s quite rude to cancel plans so you can do something else. It’s clear they value the other party more and Sam was quite rude to copy you.

It’s best to cut ties and move on.” Emotional_Bonus_934

“Father here.

My mother was excited to care for my child when my partner returned to work. We arranged specific days for each grandparent.

My mother has several dogs, most of which are great. But one is not great around children due to a traumatic past. The dog can show signs of aggression to children such as growling and generally needs to be controlled when exposed. It’s never got to the point of true aggression, but only because of constant watch.

These dogs are a massive part of my mum’s life.

After visiting around Christmas I saw the setup of my mother. It was fine, including a gate etc. But upon pressing her she was unwilling to keep the dogs separate from my child at all times.

This is critical to me as I do not want my child exposed to any risk. Is this over-protective? I do not want my child exposed to the judgement of my mother, of her dog’s aggressiveness on a minute-by-minute basis.

After messaging my mum about these issues and highlighting the unwillingness to keep them separate at all times (which means the dogs might get cooped up).

I said that my mum was prioritizing the dog’s happiness over my child’s safety. She did not respond for almost two weeks after that message, I think she took offence. I appreciate its coarsely worded message and perhaps I could’ve done better in that regard, and she was not happy with my wording.

When her childcare day came two weeks later, I still had no response so made alternate childcare, effectively with other grandparents. This all kicked off after this.

There was also an issue separate from this entirely when she looked after my baby, and I left instructions.

She quite clearly did not read them and fed my baby food I did not want them to be fed. (The baby was still early in the solids journey and it’s nerve-wracking so I want to manage it myself, I’ve taken first aid courses etc).

She said she’s not a robot and thinks it’s unreasonable to follow a list of instructions (it wasn’t even one page).

Am I being over-protective? Should I have perhaps followed up on my message a week later after I did not get a response? Was I wrong to arrange alternate childcare without speaking to her?

I have mixed feelings. Ultimately I do not have a problem upsetting people if it means ensuring my child’s safety. My mum was understandably gutted and I want her to have a day with her each week. But she has to meet my safety expectations when it comes to childcare, or otherwise feel like I can’t do it.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. You can apologize for the wording of your message and make an effort in the future to be less brash with someone you care about, but the issue is the same for her regardless when it comes to following instructions.

She raised babies already, it’s your turn now and she can either be helpful and enjoy the time she gets to be the caregiver, or as you’ve shown, you’ll find a caregiver who will. It would be prudent for her to understand you won’t always be this invasive over babies’ time with their caregiver – just until you’ve developed trust that this person (mother or not) can earn your trust as a parent.

Sorry Mom, you might be trustworthy enough to be the first person selected to watch your grandbabe, but that doesn’t give you a free pass to ignore what I consider normal boundaries surrounding child care.” nolimitxox

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have reason to believe the one dog may not be safe for your child to be around due to what you have seen behaviour-wise and in the dog’s past. I also would not want to take the risk of the dog harming my child.

Your mom should respect that and act accordingly by separating the dog from your child while they’re there. If she’s not willing then it’s reasonable to not have your child left there. NTJ!” Creative-Toe-2276

Another User Comments:

“I’m a major dog lover and there is no way I would ever allow one of my grandchildren around a dog that had shown any signs of aggression even if it was mild.

I have a friend who lost her 4-month-old baby to a dog that had never shown aggressive tendencies. Do not risk it – you can’t undo it if it goes badly!” Away_Joke404

“Me (35M) and my wife (35F) have a 4-month-old baby (4mF), and in my country, the parental leave is shared. This means that in the first month, we both stayed home, my wife stayed home for about 3 months when I went back to work, and now I returned to parental leave two weeks ago when my wife returned to work (I will stay two months, and then the parental leave finishes for both of us).

Our baby has been formula-fed basically since birth, and we alternated between nighttime feedings since then.

During my return to work, we defined a “sleeping schedule” (based on our baby’s typical schedules) as this: usually, I went to bed at 10 pm and woke up for 5 am feeding, and my wife went at 1 am (after feeding) and woke up at 9 am (to another feeding).

This generally allowed us both 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep since the first month.

As for the issue: As our baby generally maintains this pattern, the idea was for us to swap this schedule once she gets back to work. However, the issue is that while my wife says she agrees with this change, since returning to work, she effectively refuses to go to bed every night before 1 am.

Given this, she is always heavily asleep at 5 am, meaning that I have now become responsible for all nighttime feedings/baby handling (9 am is after she goes to work). Moreover, and what frustrates me more, while I understand that changing sleep habits is not easy, she did not change any habit that would help her to go to bed early.

Furthermore, before 1 am our baby only sleeps when held, and despite not going nor trying to go to sleep, my wife does not help with the baby then which at least would let me get some sleep (if she is not going to), as it is my “shift”.

She now even wakes up late enough for work that she needs to go via toll-paying highway to be there on time, while if she wakes a bit earlier she could go via a free and shorter road (albeit a bit slower), which was her usual choice.

So, with her new sleeping schedule, she neither helps during the night nor is even spending more money on commuting than before.

I told her that she should either effectively try to go to bed earlier or we should try to find a new schedule that could be a better fit for both.

She becomes upset because she cannot be faulted if she cannot go to sleep earlier, but she neither tries to go to sleep early, nor wakes up during her time, nor wants to change our schedule. Am I The Jerk?”

​Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you had an agreed-upon schedule and she isn’t upholding her end of it.

however, before getting more frustrated with her, maybe double-check that she isn’t experiencing any baby blues/postpartum issues.. it could be that she’s in a funk and that’s why she’s become uncooperative. she’s your wife, just had a baby and has just gone back to work resulting in her having to be away from her newborn baby – give her the benefit of the doubt.

yes, it’s frustrating that she is seemingly not doing anything to help herself which results in you having to take on more responsibility but there could be something deeper bubbling under the surface. your hormones are on an absolute trip for up to two years after having a baby..

especially if this is her first. her brain and body have gone through SO many changes and adjustments in the last year (being pregnant is not easy on the body or mind neither is giving birth). so once again, you’re NTJ but don’t lose patience with her yet” Sea-Drama8760

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. And here’s why. Her leave was a physical recovery from a bodily trauma. It was no vacation. Now she’s back to work and you are home not for a physical recovery but to bond with your baby. Let her rest and recover.

It can sometimes take a year to get back to normal. Maybe longer.” Embarrassed_Bee_7504

Another User Comments:

“YTJ-It’s difficult to change sleep schedules and she went through a major change in her body. You’re still home and able to relax once she goes to work.

This isn’t the kind of hill to die on bc it’s still your job to take care of the baby. It shouldn’t be a matter of fair.” Skyward93

“I (22f) am a college student at a very well-known university in the US. It’s a large school (think 50k population) which unfortunately means it also costs a fortune. I was able to go to school with the help of loans and I worked very hard at this school, even graduating a semester earlier than expected. Currently, all of my own money is going to graduate applications.

My mom (49f) has been very generous in helping me out with school by letting me take out parent plus loans for the entirety of undergrad. Last semester, I must have made a mistake and requested the entire year’s loan for the fall when I should have split it between spring and fall.

I remember telling her to watch out for a sudden large deposit into her bank account (the refunds go to the borrower) and that the money should be saved for the spring. She said she had forgotten that she was in a “very low mental place” and that she spent the money on bills and other life necessities.

She promised me she’d make the money back and pay it by the time I graduated.

Last night I called my grandmother and told her the situation. I was scared of being unenrolled from classes and barred from graduating. I told her this and said I wasn’t asking for money but I was scared and angry and didn’t know what to do.

She said (without me asking) that she would pay and not let this “become a fight with my mother and potentially face estrangement”. I thanked her and calmed down a little bit until this morning.

Here’s where I may be the jerk. After running an errand I came home and my mom told me to take a seat in the living room.

She told me about how hard she works to make a life for me and that sometimes she thinks of abandoning my brother and I. We’ve always had these sorts of fights where she threatens to leave and though I bit my tongue before saying what I wanted to, I told her to stop worrying about tuition because “I figured it out and called grandma to help me”.

She was angry because I went behind her back in an immediate family issue and fixing the problem would have made her feel better about the situation (even though I NEVER got an apology). She told me not everything was about me and that I was selfish before storming upstairs and slamming the door.

I know she’s supported me for the last several years and maybe I should have let her handle it, but her making several thousand dollars on top of life costs is not feasible and I am not risking my degree for that.

So AITJ for going behind my mom’s back when she said she’d pay my college tuition?”

Another User Comments:

“She spent your money and is unlikely to earn it back. She did not apologize for potentially jeopardizing your education. She regularly threatens abandonment and would rather you drop out than provoke her ego. NTJ it’s a good thing you have your grandma.” BigCircleSmall

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You had an adult problem caused by someone else and went out of your way to fix this. Also, how are you making this all about you and being selfish? That part doesn’t make sense to me considering that it’s YOUR money she used, and it was going to be YOUR degree.

It feels like your mom knowingly used your money, and is upset that other people now know.” COLGkenny

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you did what you had to do. Your mom should get some therapy if she is openly thinking of “abandoning my brother and me”.

Wtf kind of mom is that? She needs to grow up and apologize. When I was in college and completely broke (working 30+ hr/wk and school full time), my health insurance accidentally sent a reimbursement check to my mom’s address. More than $1000 reimbursement for some dental work.

My mom took it and cashed it and didn’t tell me. I had to threaten to call the police before she admitted to it and paid me back. We’ve never been the same after that and it’s been 20 years.” rollingthrulife79

“Context, hi my name is Lily 14yo female, my sister 33yo female, my friend 15yo female and my niece 8yo female.

(Also I am one of those persons who forgets everything in one second)

One night my sister called me and asked me if I could babysit my niece next week because she had to do something and my niece didn’t want to go with her because it was boring.

As a good sister I accepted but I was a bit tired so I said goodbye to my sister, brushed my teeth and slept.

(My sister asked me to babysit her on Thursday and the call was on Sunday)

The next day was a normal day and I forgot about my sister and my niece.

I go to my grandma’s house to help her ect just a normal day.

Then the next day my friend called me and asked me “Hey girl wanna hang out at my house on Thursday?” I forgot about my sister so I said “yes” thinking I had nothing to do that day.

On Thursday my friend came over to my house to spend the day and at night we will sleep at her house.

During the day my sister drops my niece and I remember I have to babysit her, it’s not a problem because my friend and my niece know each other so we just watch movies.

(My grandma is with us in the house because I live with her)

Then comes the night and I take my phone to call my sister to ask her if she could pick up her kid because I had to go. I say very calmly with a soft voice “Hey sissy I’m sorry I totally forgot I had to babysit her but I have to go right now and I really can’t stay can you pick her up?

Or I can leave her with grandma they’re gonna draw and watch movies waiting for you to come”

My sister starts yelling at me insulting me and calling me names like “You freaking jerk! I told you to babysit her for a reason! You’re so stupid!

You can’t do anything in life you’re useless!!!”

I start to cry because I’m very sensitive and my grandma takes the phone saying that there’s no need to panic and that she can keep my niece while I’m gone because it will be the last time I see my friend before she goes on vacation in another country.

My sister doesn’t listen and yells again so I take my friend and go in her mom’s car that was waiting for us in front of my house.

We had fun me and my friend that night and the next day my mom was a bit mad but it was okay.

So yeah AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ after OP added the information that the babysitting job was only supposed to be from 11 am – 2 pm. It is completely acceptable to call at 10 pm and ask where the parent is when they are 8 hours late. I’d probably have started calling around 3.

OP, your sister doesn’t get to drop her kid off and just not pick her back up. That was very irresponsible of her to abandon her kid and expect you to watch her all day. Please start writing down your commitments on a calendar because forgetting wasn’t great.

And I hope you are allowed to tell your sister that you aren’t available for babysitting duties, especially after how she just treated you.” Ashelby

Another User Comments:

“All the YTJ comments are ridiculous. This is a 14-year-old girl watching a 33-year-old child without pay.

The older sister should be thankful she even has her help. She needs to act her age even in moments of frustration. The words she said to you were uncalled for. OP You should be treated with respect and dignity even if you make a minor mistake like forgetting a date/time.

Also, don’t discredit your emotions by people labelling you as “sensitive”. What she said was hurtful and completely unnecessary and you are well within all right to experience such motion.” ranson_random

Another User Comments:

“NTJ since you were only supposed to babysit for 3 hours and your sister didn’t come back after 11 hours.

You honoured the agreement you had made with your sister and she was the one expecting more. And you even found an acceptable way to still cover for her after she failed to communicate that she would be gone longer. (You should edit your original post because this part is important) With her reaction, I would seriously reconsider if I would ever babysit for her again unless she seriously apologized and started paying.” Nericmitch

“I married into a white, extremely Catholic, and conservative family and I am none of these things. While a good few of my in-laws are normal, a large amount are always complaining about something that I did. My husband always defends me but these people have 0 chill.

Now the whole family attended a dinner party and some of the teens got into an argument with my MIL (their grandmother) about current world/political issues after she walked in on them discussing some event. My views are similar to my nieces and nephews and I am not ashamed of my beliefs.

My MIL (and other in-laws) feel very differently from me and try to argue with me constantly. It’s very tiring. I know some people think we need to “educate” our families but she’s old enough and it is not my responsibility to make sure she isn’t bigoted.

Anyway, the kids get a lot of their confidence from me because I will always back them up. Their parents like to remain neutral in front of my MIL while I don’t care to. My MIL hates this and will often accuse me of brainwashing the kids.

Keep in mind, that the children come to their conclusions, I just happen to agree with them.

So during this event, my one nephew whom my MIL had deemed the “favorite grandchild” was talking to the other kids and he revealed that he attended a protest in support of a certain cause.

As I mentioned earlier, MIL was listening and she lost it. She immediately went “Not you too?! I get the others but I hoped you’d have some more common sense… was it (me)?” She then turned to me and said I’d gone too far and that I needed to get my hands off her family and accepting me into her precious family was the biggest mistake of her life.

I usually let my husband handle her but he wasn’t in the room. I just casually asked her if she was done which upset her and after telling the kids to go hang out somewhere else, I told my MIL that she could go on for as long as she’d like, but I was still going to be her daughter in law and she of all people will never change that.

Well, my sister-in-law walked into the room (I assume her kids told her what was happening) and she snapped at me for talking to her mother like that. Now I’m being sent messages from her, my MIL, and some other relatives about how I’m replaceable and they don’t have to accept me/be nice to me.

My husband is stressed with work so I don’t want to bother him but AITJ? Like I said, I’m not usually the one shutting down my MIL so I suppose I might’ve messed up.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Nobody “has” to be nice to anybody else, whether they’re related by blood, by marriage, or a stranger.

You should be nice to people, though. I’m sure your family will remember who it was who told them to love their neighbour as themselves. You’re right, of course. You are technically “replaceable”, but not by your MIL or SIL. The only person who gets to “replace” you is your husband.

For as long as you and he wish to remain married, you’re married, and that’s the end of it.” _mmiggs_

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So you’re not allowed to “brainwash” the kids but she is? Okay. Got it. You need to talk to your husband about what happened. Show him the text messages.

People can have political discussions and have different points of view in an adult-like way, without forcing people to change their beliefs. Which is exactly what it sounds like your MIL is doing, not you. No one is right or wrong in those discussions. But in her eyes, you are.

I wish you all the best” Romance-BookWorm-55

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk. Yes, she was way out of line, but “Are you done?” is blatantly patronizing and insulting and did nothing to resolve the issue between you and your MIL. Instead of saying “These kids have their views.

The way you are talking to me is abusive and it needs to stop”, you played right into her hands. So yeah, your husband is going to need to help clean this up. But in the future, you need to be part of the solution.

You are not going to change this situation, but you can change how they treat you. Statements like “you are replaceable” are abusive and unacceptable and need to be called out as such, but in an adult way without escalating.” Cjack66

“I (26F) have been in a relationship with my partner Mike (25M) (obviously fake name) for about a year and a half. We are in a very serious and committed relationship, so serious that we are talking marriage and kids and we are currently looking to move in together.

I was never one to date or go out with men in general so needless to say Mike is the first guy I’ve felt so serious about to introduce him to my family.

Now, my cousin (31M) and his soon-to-be wife (34F) are getting married later this year, my cousin invited me a couple of weeks ago and I accepted even though I don’t like his fiancé that well but because he’s family and in my culture weddings are a big deal so I kind of didn’t have a choice.

I, in my mind, was thinking that the invitation was for me AND my partner since the whole family had known about him for a while and they had met him on multiple occasions.

Today, I decided to ask my cousin about the plans for the wedding day to be up to date with everything and mentioned my partner, that’s when he told me that the invitation was for me and me only, that they decided to invite family and close friends only and that it’s too late now because they’ve already planned the exact amount of food with the caterer, I said that I assumed that the invitation was for the both of us and that it doesn’t make sense to invite me and not my partner, the wedding is in MONTHS and they could still arrange with the catering company for one more plate.

He said that they already paid and it wasn’t possible to add more people, that’s when I told him that I would not be attending the wedding because, in my opinion, it’s insulting to not include my partner who has been sharing my life for over a year.

He didn’t reply but I received a call from my other cousin telling me I’m the jerk for THREATENING to not come to the wedding, I told her I didn’t threaten to come I am genuinely not coming, and she said it’s ridiculous to expect my partner to be invited and that I should just suck it up and be there for my family.

So, AITJ for refusing to go to the wedding because my partner is not invited or should I just stop and go alone?

PS: I have to mention that my parents and siblings live in a different country, so I am living alone here that’s why, for me, it’s important to have my partner with me during these occasions since I can’t have any other close member of my family, he kind of became my only close family here.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. There’s no reason to expect family to invite whatever partner you currently happen to have a wedding. A year is also not a very long time for a relationship. You can insist you’re “serious” all day but by your admission, you’re neither engaged nor currently cohabitating.

A wedding is a big deal and the memories are eternal. No one likes situations where photos are filled with the random exes of family members.” Key-Meat3304

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think it’s weird to only invite half of a couple to events. Why would you want to spend your time at a ceremony/party alone instead of with your significant other?

If they don’t want him at their wedding then that’s fine, it’s their day after all, but it’s equally fine for you to decline their invitation–I know I certainly would.” prairiemountainzen

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I understand you want to attend with your partner. But come on.

You were assuming your partner was invited even though he wasn’t on the invitation. Y’all don’t even live together, you’ve been together a year. And it’s your **cousin’s** wedding. Not like a brother/sister. And you already know that they only invited close friends and family.” DogsReadingBooks

“I honestly can’t tell if I’m overreacting or not but here goes. I have two kids (a girl – 7, boy – 9) and recently I’ve started introducing them to my partner’s parents.

Now, the partner’s dad has no filter. There is nothing he will not say. They were over at our house yesterday and we were sitting at the kitchen table with my daughter before we left to go to a restaurant for dinner.

He was saying the most vile things.

Very inappropriate hokes. Every swear word you can imagine. Partner is laughing, swearing, and going along with it. I end up taking my daughter out of the room and keeping her busy until we go out to eat.

We get to the restaurant. He openly mocks my 9-year-old son, tells him he’s a girl because he has long hair, and because he’s a girl.

Makes jokes about my daughter playing hockey and how girls can’t play sports. Everyone is laughing except me, my son, and my daughter. I’m desperately making comments to try and diffuse.

I get home and I can’t sleep all night. I’m so mad at myself for not calling it out, for not saying something while it was happening.

I texted my partner, I said going forward I’m gonna keep the kids out of his family’s stuff, it’s not my style, I don’t want the kids around it… whatever. A huge fight follows, he says it’s just the way he is, and that he has good intentions, but he doesn’t mean anything by it.

He says it’s my responsibility to teach the kids that different people exist, that they need to learn that that’s how some people are and that’s the way it is. I say no, it’s my job to protect my kids now, to show my daughter that she doesn’t need to tolerate “old creepy men” who say offensive things just to avoid making people uncomfortable.

That my son shouldn’t have to put up with a grown man making jokes at his expense and having adults laugh at him when he can’t defend himself.

I ask him why he isn’t as mad as I am that his dad is saying that stuff so freely around kids.

Why isn’t he angry that his dad is making horrible inappropriate comments to his son’s partner? I say that any adult who says such vile things so freely around small children is a piece of trash. I know that it’s hard for my partner to feel like I’m attacking his dad, but it makes me so angry and I think he is a disgusting man.

I’m very open to advice and opinions. We are on the verge of breaking up over this!”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for even thinking about staying with this vile garbage can of a human. Kids remember these things, and you can be sure they will remember when mom put appeasing a man over their well-being.

If your partner was laughing that means he approves of what is being said. If you continue to ignore that red flag then you can add yourself to the list of people causing your kids harm because what they are doing was most certainly mistreatment.” slackerchic

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, why are you with your partner and deflecting the fact that your partner went along with his dad’s behaviour? Guess what sunshine? Your partner is a straight-up nightmare and you’re continuing to expose your vulnerable children to him, forget his Dad, he’s a disaster too.

Be the parent your kids need you to be and dump him, TODAY.” whatsmypassword73

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The family has been enabling a racist, bigoted bully, and they’ve been making excuses to enable them to justify it. I’ve found such situations are a whole family dynamic thing.

Your partner has been part of that dysfunction for so long that he may not even see how bigoted his father is. Or he knows that if he stands up to his father, he may lose his whole family. That’s a tough choice to make and often people just refuse to face it.” New-Nefariousness531

“I (29F) am getting married in late February, and have been knee-deep in wedding plans.

To say I have been super stressed about it would be an understatement. And as much as I love my Mom, she has been a huge pain about all of it. Everything has been handled by me and my fiancée, but my mom has been constantly by my side these past few months, insisting on knowing EVERY.

LITTLE. DETAIL, and criticizing every choice I made. She would insist I could get something better for cheaper and fought me on almost everything, including insignificant little things. Which effectively stressed me out more. I’ve tried telling her she’s not helping, but she insists she is (she’s not) and that if it wasn’t for her I would be way more behind (I cannot emphasize how little my mother has done).

The final straw came a couple of days ago. My step-sister (who we will call Avery, 22F) used to be in a relationship with one of my fiancée’s younger cousins. They were together for over 2 years. It ended a couple of weeks ago.

She quietly approached me and asked if it would be okay if she did not come to the wedding. Avery loved him with all her heart, and I could tell she was still hurting a lot over it. It would have sent her over the edge to go to a wedding where he would be there, especially when rumour had it he was going to propose.

Me and Avery had never been close, and although I wanted her there, it would not have been in her interest to come.

But once my mother heard, it was chaos. In front of me, my mother yelled at Avery over the phone, calling her an ungrateful jerk and saying she never could support me.

She started criticizing her and demanding she come to the wedding. I had to wrestle the phone from her. I yelled at her, saying this was MY wedding and how dare she talk down that way to her step-daughter, who was hurting so much. My mother said she couldn’t believe I was taking her side and continued to call my sister names.

I very plainly told her that if she could not respect my sister, she would be uninvited to my wedding. She blew up at me, saying that she was the reason this wedding was happening and that I was ungrateful.

Thinking about it, I feel bad.

My stepfather has called me, asking me what happened. I told him. A while later, he texted to say my mother was in a fit, and he talked to her about what she had said, and she was planning on apologizing. He begged me to let her come to my wedding, that she was acting crazy over not going.

But what should I do? How will she react if I don’t let her? Would I be in the wrong here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother is stressing you out, making this all about her, and behaving hideously to your stepsister. She needs a timeout.

I almost laughed over “saying she was the reason this wedding was happening:” Um, it’s happening because you met the love of your life, no? Poor Avery. I don’t think I’d be up for a wedding either after that, especially with my ex’s family.

Good on you for being understanding.” Icy_Blueness1206

Another User Comments:

“NTJ It sounds like it’s best if Avery doesn’t come. You sound very empathetic to her situation like a good step sister. Your mother on the other hand sounds like a wicked stepmother.

Also, it sounds like you need to set some boundaries generally with your mother. Just a thought- you could even it out and your fiancé tell his cousin that given the way he treated your step-sister, he shouldn’t come to the wedding. His values aren’t consistent with the entire point of the wedding.

While that won’t make Avery feel better, it’s kinda an extra- I got you sis- to make up in part for your mother’s horrible behaviour. What are your fiance’s thoughts on it?” SorchitaFilly

Another User Comments:

“It’s more complicated than just jerk or not.

The real problem is that uninviting her is going to solve nothing. I think that it might be healthy to sit down with everyone involved and have a decent conversation. Set some boundaries and as long as your mom can respect the boundaries and your stepdad will be there, making sure that she does hopefully Then it might be better for everyone to invite her.

I realize she’s not making anything fun for you and potentially ruining most of what should be an enjoyable time for you and for that, I am sorry you’re dealing with it. But at the end of the day, I don’t think that it’s going to ban her from the wedding.

I did have the same question as other people did about why not uninvite the cousin instead of your stepsister. But it’s none of my business. I think it’s very good of you to not be upset that your stepsister doesn’t want to come and you seem like a logical human being.

Your mom sounds like a train wreck.” United-Loss4914