People Spill All The Details Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I (f22) live with my parents. I’m the youngest sibling and all my other siblings moved out a while ago, so it’s just me and my parents.

I buy all my own food and I do my fair share of housework, and I pay rent.

Back in October, I went on a 3-day trip with some of my friends. When I came home, my bed had food stains and crumbs in it, and lots of my belongings were moved around or on the floor.

My parents explained that they had my nephew (age 4) sleep in my room while I was gone.

I explained that I don’t mind my nieces or nephews sleeping in my bed when I’m not home but that I don’t appreciate coming home to my room being a mess and my bed dirty.

I tried to be as calm as possible but I think it was pretty obvious I was irritated. My parents told me to lighten up and that I was overreacting, and that it’s just my baby nephew.

Last month, I went on a weekend trip for my coworker’s bachelorette party and once again, I came home to my room being messy, and I even found not one but two very chewed-up pacifiers in my bed and more old food.

I was very annoyed and told my parents that I’m really not ok with this, and that I wished they’d at least wash my bed sheets after the kids had been in my bed.

They once again said I’m overreacting, they called me a control freak and a neat freak.

They even got my sisters involved and said I’m being a baby about my niblings using my bed when I’m not even home. No one in my family is on my side and they think I’m being childish.

This escalated when my sister (f31) called me to talk about the situation.

She lectured me and said that it’s my parents’ house and they can use the space how they like, and she said I’m acting like a spoiled brat, and that if I was her child, she’d kick me out of the house. I fired back at her and asked what on earth I’m paying rent for then if not for my space.

AITJ??”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You pay rent, so it is your space whether you’re home or not. If they want to use your bed, they should ask first. You can say yes, if they clean up after themselves and wash the bedding, or you can say no. You could even say you’re going to put a lock on your door.

However – when people say “I pay rent” sometimes they mean they pay a token amount, like $100/month. If this is you, your parents might turn around and say that if you’re going to bring the law into the argument, they want a fair rent.

Depending on how hard you push, they might ask you to leave, and now you’re stuck paying a lot more than token rent. I guess what I’m saying is that you’re completely in the right here, but is it worth rocking the boat? I would say yes, but your situation might be different.” FacetiousTomato

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ask your parents why they don’t let the niblings stay in and eat food in their bed, if it’s really ‘not such a big deal’? OP, sounds like you’re going to have to strip your bed before every overnight trip from now on.

If your parents think leaving your sheets dirty and food in your bed is “no big deal”, then don’t trust them with your sheets. Maybe it’s high time you start leaving food bits on the couch, and if your parents protest, tell them you’re living up to the standards that they set.

If your parents are allowed to leave dirty sheets and food on your bed, then surely you are allowed to leave food and whatever on couches, chairs, etc. Right? I’m particularly incensed that they called you a “neat freak.” If someone had called me that over an individual I didn’t invite into my room leaving food in my bed, I would’ve fired back with, “I’m not a neat freak, you’re all apparently slobs who don’t know that food attracts bugs and rodents.” I probably would’ve continued by saying they clearly don’t respect me as a human being if they can’t comply with basic human courtesy.

In short, I would’ve blown up big time on all the jerks of your family.” toxicredox

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’d like to know what your sister’s reaction was after you said that. So I’m assuming that those kids were your Sister (f31)’s??? Tell her if she’s gonna be a bum and let her kids run wild in your room WHICH you pay rent on, then she can pay your rent and they can do whatever they want, not your fault she’s an irresponsible mother.

Also tell your parents that you don’t pay rent for nothing. The best thing you can do is move out, I know it’s easier said than done, but you should at least consider it if your parents are not gonna step up.” SomeNibba

“I (27f) asked my stepdad (52m) to walk me down the aisle instead of my biological father (54m). Let me start from the beginning. When I was 12 my dad divorced my mom and left us. My mom had full custody but I still wanted a relationship with my dad.

He lived a 5-hour train ride away. So every Friday for 6 years I’d ride the train for 5 hours to go visit him. And I was happy doing that because I loved my dad. When I was 14 my dad married my stepmom. She had an 18-year-old daughter.

I got along ok with my stepmom but never really saw my stepsister because she was at college which was a 4-hour flight away. When I was 15 my mom married my stepdad. And he was amazing. Loved me unconditionally and always made an effort to attend all my athletics and important moments.

But I still would see my dad on the weekends because I loved him. At that time I thought everything was great, I had a huge family and loved everyone.

When I was 18 I asked my dad if he would come to my HS graduation on a Saturday 2 months away.

He said yes. 2 months go by and it’s the week before my graduation. My dad calls me and says he can’t go to my graduation because my stepsister’s is on Friday before mine. The thing was he’d have time to go to hers Friday and catch a flight and still go to mine Saturday.

He told me he didn’t want to do that because we aren’t that close and I never made an effort to be close to him so why should he? He said he liked my stepsister better and had a better relationship with her.

I was crushed. We didn’t speak for 5 years.

I focused on school. Which my stepdad paid for. I got great grades and he’d always be the first to congratulate me. 3 years ago my dad got divorced again. He was unfaithful to my stepmom and she and her daughter cut off all ties with my dad.

At that time he wanted to reconnect with me. I agreed. We had an ok relationship. I’d see him maybe 2-3 times a year.

Now I’m getting married in 6 months and asked my stepdad to walk me down the aisle. He has no other children (he can’t have his own kids) and has been a real father to me for over a decade.

I told my dad that he would be invited but would not be walking with me. He was upset and told me I was being selfish and taking away the only opportunity he’d have to walk his daughter down the aisle. That I was ungrateful for everything he has done for me.

I didn’t feel like a jerk. But my stepdad said he would be fine sharing the moment with my dad and doesn’t want me to have any regrets in the future. But I’m not sure if I want him to have to share the moment.

He is the one who put in the work for that moment, not my dad. So am I the jerk? Should I let my dad walk also?”

Another User Comments:

“OP, I let my dad walk me down the aisle out of guilt and obligation.

I wanted just my mom to do it, but I knew my dad wanted to and would be mad if I didn’t have him do it so I asked both of them to. (Parents divorced when I was 17, dad was an active drinker and emotionally absent my whole childhood.

Forgave that but he continued to treat me like trash into adulthood). Of course he still wasn’t happy. He wasn’t happy with how anything went that day because obviously, MY wedding was about HIM and how HE felt. Different situations but 5 years later I wish I’d just done what I wanted. The day is for you and your future spouse.

Nobody else. If he can’t put his ego aside for one day for you then he can get lost. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! NTJ.” kdefal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and don’t have absentee dad walk down the aisle. It’s generous enough of you to invite him.

“He told me he didn’t want to do that because we aren’t that close and I never made an effort to be close to him so why should he? He said he liked my stepsister better and had a better relationship with her.” Just repeat bio dad’s words back to him verbatim.

He has never appreciated your one-sided efforts to maintain a relationship, and after gaslighting you, deserves very little.” extinct_diplodocus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He made it clear who he prioritized in his life when he didn’t come to your graduation. His comments were cruel.

He’ll be gone again when he gets his next wife. You’re fortunate to have a great stepfather, and it would be wonderful to honor that relationship at your wedding.” Forward-Wear7913

“Every other week, my fiancée (22F) and I (23M) go out to eat with her family, and last week, we went to a Korean BBQ restaurant owned by my uncle (59M), where I paid for everyone’s meal. I only asked them to cover the tip for the waitress, which they agreed to do.

The total bill was over $240, and I paid. Usually, when I cover the tab for my friends or significant other, they generously tip since they’re only responsible for the gratuity, not the cost of the meal itself.

However, a few days ago, her cousins (21M) revealed that they had only left a $1 tip and they had tipped only 1 dollar before.

I was shocked and disappointed because a $1 tip is insultingly low, especially considering I had treated them to drinks and dessert. So, I discussed this issue with my fiancée, but her family insists they never tip or only pay like 1 dollar for a tip at restaurants/general services.

This is happening in the USA.

As a result, I informed my fiancée our bi-weekly restaurant outings would have to change. I told her that I had only paid for their meals as a kind gesture. While my fiancée was annoyed, she ultimately understood.

Yesterday, they asked if I would buy their food again next week, to which I responded that they’ll need to cover their own expenses for their meal. I didn’t want to confront them about their habit of tipping only a dollar, so I decided to handle it differently this time and simply pretend to cover the tip for them.

Her family did not take that so well. They accused me of being ungrateful, arguing that they were the ones taking time to meet up with me bi-weekly and that asking them to tip was unreasonable in the beginning. They also suggested that since my family is wealthy, it’s only fair that I continue paying for their meals.

My fiancée was surprisingly on my side, she knew her family had this issue. She just didn’t have the courage to inform them about it.

AITJ for deciding not to buy food for my fiancée’s family anymore?”

Another User Comments:

““Arguing they were the ones taking time to meet up with me bi-weekly” – lol – just reply ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was such a burden for you.

Going forward we can stop getting together bi-weekly then. I didn’t realize you considered it such a sacrifice, and I can’t in good conscience keep asking you to make such a sacrifice.’ You don’t owe these people anything. They are trying to take advantage of you.

Stop letting them try. NTJ.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“Lemme make sure I understand this… Every other week, you take them out to dinner and pay for their meals… and they have the nerve to call you “ungrateful”?? Because “they are the ones taking time to meet up with you”?

They have an unreasonably high opinion of themselves, and you are NTJ here. The next part is the real jewel in this crown, though: “since my family is wealthy, it’s only fair that I continue paying for their meals.” You need to set them straight, right now.

If you don’t, this is your life in three years: you’ve married her, and now her family insists that because your family is wealthy, it’s “only fair” that you pay for their dream vacation/new car/vacation home in the Hamptons/whatever. Warning: the “them” part of “set them straight” might include your fiancée as well if she’s supporting/condoning this behavior.

If she does, I strongly urge you to reconsider your future together.” PingPongProfessor

“My dad and I (17F) started therapy 3 weeks ago and last week during our third session I opened up bluntly about how I feel like my dad let me down and failed me by prioritizing being married and his own happiness.

This was not the first time I tried speaking openly to my dad about this but it’s the first time he said he appeared willing to listen and the first time he took the harm it was doing to our relationship seriously.

Let me explain.

My mom died when I was just a baby and my dad was a single dad until I was 4. It was then he met my stepmom/his wife Sharon. Sharon was a divorced mom with a 9-year-old son and an 8-year-old daughter. They got married when I was 5.

Sharon’s kids/my stepsiblings never liked me. They always hated me. When my dad and Sharon first got married I thought of them as my siblings and loved them totally. But they were really mean to me. They’d say they hated me, that everyone hated me, and that I should leave, they encouraged me to run away because nobody would miss me.

They said I would never be their sister or their family and I was a weirdo for calling them my siblings.

Sharon noticed more than my dad. But I used to tell my dad and when things got bad I asked if we could leave.

But he’d try and reassure me but was very dismissive of how much it was hurting me. He told me we couldn’t leave because Sharon was his wife and we were all a family now and you can’t leave family. Sharon only ever said anything when her kids made me cry.

I have two half siblings from my dad and Sharon. I was so excited when they were born and I bonded with them and loved helping with them and playing with them. But then my stepsiblings decided to use them against me and they were older and Sharon would let them do more and eventually they told our half-siblings that if they wanted to do cool stuff with them they had to say no to playing with me, and rejecting me became the normal thing.

My younger siblings would repeat a lot of what my stepsiblings would say to me. This continued even after my stepsiblings moved out because they would take our younger siblings out or they would visit them and bring gifts.

I have since been withdrawn and I stopped trying.

I don’t try to do anything with my younger siblings, I don’t hang out with dad like I used to and my focus is on moving out. My dad started to notice late last year and he sent me to a therapist and then decided family therapy was needed for the two of us.

This is when last week happened. My dad looked really shocked at first and he was apologetic. After we got home Sharon asked me why I had to be so hard on my dad. My dad and Sharon argued about it. I spent the rest of last week trying to be alone with my thoughts.

Our next session is tomorrow. Sharon apologized for saying what she did but reiterated that she feels like I handled it badly. My dad tried to talk to me since the appointment but I don’t know how to talk to him anymore without our therapist.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s bad enough that your dad and Sharon knew about your step-siblings bullying you….But the fact they didn’t shut your step-siblings down when they played childish games with your half-siblings and manipulated them to be nasty to you as well tells me they are bad parents.

You have a right to be angry. Your dad is supposed to be your advocate and he failed you.” ColdstreamCapple

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Therapy doesn’t work unless you are honest. If your dad feels bad about how you feel, that’s on him.

He failed you as a father, and his stepchildren as well, for not getting them and you into therapy before you all were harmed by the toxic behavior. Focus on yourself, keep being honest, and if he really cares as a father, he will work on finding a way to be in your life in the future.

Ignore anyone (including your stepmother) who tells you to “be nice” in therapy. If being nice worked, you wouldn’t be in therapy. As for your nasty step-siblings, your father and stepmother failed them too, and I hope they end up in therapy for the guilt of the trauma they inflicted. If not, and they remain nasty people, then your therapist can teach you how to deal with that, and or cut them out of your life in a healthy way.

Either way, focus on moving out and living your best life. Good luck kiddo!” savinathewhite

“A little bit of context, my husband and I have one son (age 8), we have no intention of having any other children much to his family’s dismay.

My sister-in-law, Amy, (husband’s brother’s wife), has four children (two from a previous relationship) and is pregnant with number 5.

The kids range in age from 13 – 2. Amy recently has been struggling with having four children and being pregnant and has been getting a lot of help from my parents-in-law. My husband and I have also been helping with school runs, and sometimes just sitting in the house watching the kids so she can do basic tasks.

The issue is, Amy and I get on fine, but we are not friends. The kids are also not very well behaved and they ‘gentle parent’ which appears to just mean softly saying to a kid bouncing off the walls to ‘think about what you are doing’.

My son hates going round, and I’m not inclined to force him, he has plenty of friends he likes to see.

The issue comes that two of my nephews (ages 10 and 6) Amy has deemed the best friends of my son, and now keeps suggesting they do things together ALL the time.

This all also involves me, and often activities my son does not want to do. In addition, my nephews are nice kids but again they don’t want to hang out with my son.

My AITJ is that I said this to Amy, and she said we should be encouraging them to be friends as they are cousins.

I told her I had no interest in forcing my son to be friends with anyone.

Truthfully I also don’t want to look after her kids more than I already do either.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sure, it would be great if they were friends, but if your son’s not interested, that should be it.

He’ll just resent you for making him do stuff he doesn’t want to do otherwise, and frankly, I don’t think your SIL should be demanding anything from you given how much you’re already helping her out.” Prudent_Jello5691

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I am one of those people who thinks family is important and should mean something.

That does not mean harming yourself to please them. It doesn’t even mean – as in your case – enduring togetherness for the sake of togetherness. Being best friends who do tons of things together is probably helpful to your SIL because that’s two kids she doesn’t have to watch if they are with you.

But I think it’s more important to raise kids with the kind of relationship that leaves them comfortable calling each other 15 years from now to say “man I just got in an accident and my car is totaled. Could you give me a ride home?” Or “hey, I just saw a commercial that reminded me of you and wanted to see how you’re doing – what’s up?”  Forcing them together until they can’t stand each other is not the way.” SnooPets8873

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m my personal opinion, adults should understand that the world is filled with many different personality types and temperaments. Of course not all personalities are compatible. It always hurts when someone doesn’t like us, but people in general should really learn not to take it so personally when not every person in existence likes them.

I’m not advocating bullying of course, but we need to be better at teaching children that not everyone is meant to be friends. I think we do kids a disservice when we teach them otherwise. You can’t force friendship. It doesn’t work. Maybe your son will become close with his cousins one day.

Maybe he won’t. If it does one day happen, it won’t be because they were strong-armed into it.” DapperEmployer9350

“I (30sf) live in Los Angeles, where rent is really high. I live in a house with two roommates (30, 50f).

My 30-year-old roommate, Kay, has been battling an autoimmune chronic illness for a couple of years.

She’s not able to eat a lot of foods and has these spells where her energy is drained.

My 50-year-old roommate Tammy is emotionally immature, doesn’t help out with chores, and has a tendency to be really forgetful. For example, she once broke a toilet seat and didn’t bother to replace it before going on a last-minute trip out of town.

After I got the delayed utility payment from her, it came with a poop emoji attached to it.

I’m responsible for the major utility bills (water, power and internet). It’s hard getting payments from Kay and Tammy because of Kay’s health issues and Tammy’s irresponsibility.

They also have two dogs who are very loud and cause a ruckus.

I’ve been having a hard time coping with Kay’s health problems. It’s horrible for me to say it, but when she is down, she is down. That leaves the majority of household chores, bills, and trash on me.

I’m in school and working full-time. I can’t stand living like this anymore. Recently, a friend of mine was looking to fill in a roommate vacancy. I will pay more for rent, but the location is closer to my college and my work.

I feel guilty moving out because of Kay’s health issues. She relies on me to help her get groceries when she’s sick. Not to mention, Tammy does nothing to help around the house.

Kay even said that if I move out, it will be bad for her because of her health problems. She says she’s trying to get better, but she’s been saying that for over a year and it’s affecting my life too.

WIBTJ if I move out?”

Another User Comments:

“You would not be the jerk. You deserve to protect your own mental health as well and also to have a physical space where you feel calm and comfortable. It’s also not your responsibility to manage a household for two other grown adults.

I do feel bad for Kay so if there’s anything you can do to help ease the transition by finding a good new roommate or helping Kay find resources that might help her manage life going forward without relying on Tammy (maybe help her set up weekly groceries deliveries or something), then I think you should do that if you can, but beyond that ultimately you should do what is best for you.” randomusername0506

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it sounds like you need to move. But you could definitely connect your roommate to your local Independent Living center (there’s one in every area in the US) and get her set up with help before you leave. There’s also nothing stopping you from coming by to help with groceries periodically, even if it’s on a reduced (but reliable) schedule.

It’s good you want to help, but do it in a way that is also sustainable for you.” rose_unfurled

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So, let’s say you stay because of Kay’s issues. How long are you going to stay for? A year, five years, the rest of your life?

The sooner you leave, the sooner Kay or her parents have to come up with a real solution and arrange for appropriate support on an ongoing basis. You are enabling her to put that day off when it should have been put in place the moment she started depending on you.

Sure, it’s okay to help out for a week, a month, if the person recovers in that time but with a chronic ongoing issue, she needs professional help, not you doing what you can, when you can, which can’t be often given your double workload of school and work.

Look at it that way. Kay will get a professional assistant which she clearly needs.” PaisleyPatchouli

“I (26F) grew up in a very toxic household.

I never received help paying for school and had to buy my own car and everything. My parents opened a RESP savings account for us, but when it was withdrawn, not a single cent actually went towards our education. We are expected to give a cash gift for every single holiday you can possibly think of and pay for every meal for them that we eat out.

We’ve had half our tax returns taken every year (they were large returns as I was a student and had tuition credits), government rebates, and half my scholarships. When I received support as my hours got cut, half was also taken from me. It got to the point where I would camp the mailbox to try to get to the cheques first before anyone would see and take half away.

My oldest sister (30F) basically became our parents as my parents were immigrants and had no idea how to raise us and had a gambling addiction at one point. But she abused her authority and it was a living nightmare growing up (too many details with this, but know she does not have my best interests in mind).

My parents bought the oldest a car and paid for the other sister’s (27F) braces at 14. I have never received anything and even when I almost did get help, my oldest sister made it her life mission to stop my parents from ever helping me.

I begged to get braces at an early age (and pay it back) but my oldest sister would never allow it, despite my middle sister getting it paid for at 14. Naturally, I grew resentful towards this family as I’ve never received any help compared to my sisters.

I’ve been harassed my whole life because my sisters have started contributing at an earlier age than me but they had huge expenses to pay my parents back for (the car and the other one’s braces). I was always ganged up on by both my older siblings and my mom to pay up.

My mom has two houses paid off and she is not struggling financially. I started working 3 jobs to pay off school and my car and my mom saw it as “oh you’re making more money, pay me more now”. Yes, I have been and am currently paying my mom rent at home but I just refuse to give more out of spite that I received nothing growing up compared to my sisters.

I refused to pay almost the same amount as two people as both siblings had their partners living here for years.

Fast forward to today, my family has found out that I want to move out on my own, and now I’m getting slammed that I would rather pay a stranger extra rent money than pay my own mom.

When does this end? I feel like I am forever stuck in this life of being indebted to my mom for simply being born as her daughter and even when I leave they are expecting me to pay (which I’m not going to).

AITJ for wanting to leave and pay significantly more rent to a stranger than my own mom?

All this family can think about is paying my mom. Is it worth spending almost half my paycheque each month to move out of this household?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. At first when reading, I thought you were exaggerating (not paying for schooling and not paying for a car doesn’t equal financial abuse), but as I kept reading, then yeah – your family is financially abusive towards you.

Hopefully, you’re not in the GTA or GVA, where rent is astronomically high. Get out as soon as you can afford it, and godspeed!” Top-Personality1216

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are a grown woman. You can pay to live wherever you can afford to live.

And it sounds like your parents’ home is the most expensive option around. I don’t blame you a bit for bailing. It costs you more because the givebacks and handouts never stop. Your landlord won’t commandeer your tax return or make you pay for her dinner and gas money.

Your parents’ routine will keep you dependent on them and drive you into the poorhouse.” AndSoItGoes24

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I have a hard time understanding why certain things have occurred. Tax returns can be sent through direct deposit, same for employment income. Why are these being sent as cheques for so long?

And how would your family be able to access the cheques? And you can just stop giving them money. You don’t want a relationship with them anyway, might as well save some money along the way. Hope you can get out soon.” PropQues

“I (31F) and my partner (43M) have been seeing each other for 8 months and when I met him I was overweight and still am. Like when we met I was a size 18-20 and weighed 240 pounds. (I’m down 35 pounds now).

The argument started during my partner’s birthday party which was a week ago but he’s still mad and he may break up with me over this.

We agreed to eat out but I’m on a diet for my weight loss journey for a very valid health reason so we picked a nice, upscale restaurant with healthy options to go with some friends. My partner chose a fattening plate but that’s okay because he is naturally very skinny and that’s how he likes to eat.

I stuck to my diet the whole night. He tried to get me to try his food but I didn’t want to spiral into an eating frenzy so I refused. Then he wanted me to have a high-calorie beverage with him but I declined because I’m that focused. He pouted that I wouldn’t try anything he wanted me to try with him but he shrugged it off.

Until the birthday cake.

It was gorgeous and I was told it had both ice cream and cheesecake inside with red velvet cake. I didn’t taste it though. Everyone else said it was delicious and asked why I couldn’t just have one “deviation”. I told them my life was on the line.

My partner’s sister was angry because she paid 400 dollars for the cake and it was a custom design.

My partner defended me but now we’re fighting because I caused a rift in his sibling relationship. I was just trying not to go over my calorie or sugar limit.

I’m pretty sure it was unhealthy even though it was supposedly “heavenly”.

My partner is now saying I ruined his birthday with my diet nonsense and that I’m just vain and more concerned with being skinny than being with him. I told him I could lose weight and still support him and be there and he said he’s not even sure if he wants me to anymore.

Am I the jerk for not partaking in the expensive cake my partner’s sister bought?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I know people with eating disorders and it’s like asking a sober person if they can just have one drink, or just taste this expensive scotch.

It doesn’t work that way, AT ALL. As always, learning how to enforce boundaries while being polite is hard, so even if you were the jerk use this to learn how to better enforce your set boundaries in public, and talk to your partner about it ahead of time.

Hope this helps!” Ancient_Formal_3823

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are on a strict weight loss plan, and your partner and his family all know that. Yet, your partner tried all evening to get you to go off of it. WTF??? All these people are the jerks here.

You are very strong to resist all their efforts to get you to deviate from your diet. I’ve been there and I know how hard it is to stay on it, especially in the face of such egregious urging to deviate on their part. I also know how hard it is to get back on it once you have deviated, even one time.

Tell your partner to take a hike, if he doesn’t respect you even that much. He apparently has nothing but contempt for you and your eating, diet, weight loss journey, whatever. Contempt is the absolute end of any relationship. He has to be respectful, no matter how he might feel about the eating plan.

If he doesn’t respect you, you should respect yourself enough to let him go. This sounds harsh, but if he won’t support you in something this important, he won’t respect you in other things, either. No one should have to live with that.” TabbieAbbie

Another User Comments:

“For goodness sake why does everyone’s enjoyment of the party depend on you having cake? Why are these people trying to sabotage you? This is insane. If you ate kosher or vegetarian would they try to force-feed you pork? They sound like your healthy choices are making them feel bad about themselves.

I’ve seen this in friend groups where everyone is heavy but one gets skinny, or one of a group gets sober, etc. They don’t understand that you’re facing a kind of addiction – it’s very hard to change your relationship with food.

For me, the only thing that worked was making no exceptions to my rules ever. I hope they can learn to give you a little more grace. Best wishes for your continued health OP. NTJ.” [deleted]

“I (21F) live with a roommate (22F) in an apartment. Picture this: it’s the dead of night, I’m cozy in my pajamas, and suddenly, one of my roommates bursts into my room in a panic.

She’s out of period products and in desperate need. Now, normally, I’m all for helping out in a pinch, but here’s the kicker: we’re not exactly running low on supplies. You see, our bathroom closet is practically a period product emporium. We’ve got tampons, pads, menstrual cups (individual menstrual cup per person) – you name it, we’ve got it.

So, when my roommate asked me to dash out to the store to buy more, I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. I gently reminded her of our fully stocked inventory and suggested she take what she needed from there. But she was insistent that she needed a specific brand or type, claiming she couldn’t use anything else.

Now, call me skeptical, but I found it hard to believe that in a pinch, any product wouldn’t do. So, I stood my ground and refused to make a late-night trip to the store. My reasoning? We had plenty of options at home, and I didn’t see the point in inconveniencing myself for something we already had.

My roommate could have easily just driven herself to the store to get what she needed and I didn’t see why I had to. Well, let’s just say my roommate wasn’t thrilled with my response. She accused me of being unsupportive and selfish, which stung a little, I won’t lie.

But deep down, I knew I wasn’t being unreasonable.

After a bit of back-and-forth, we managed to come to a compromise. She begrudgingly took a different product from our stash, and I offered to accompany her to the store in the morning if she still felt the need for her preferred brand.

Looking back on it, I don’t think I was in the wrong for refusing to make a late-night run for period products. We had everything we needed at home, and sometimes, tough love is necessary to make someone realize that. So, AITJ for refusing to buy period products?”

​Another User Comments:

“NTJ. In a pinch, I’ll take whatever I can and then go get what I want. You’re not asking her to use a bounty towel or 30 sheets of toilet paper. As a woman who has forgotten my pads/tampons, if I holler to other people in the washroom, I’ll take whatever they give me: Kotex, Tampax, always, OB, etc.  If you have tons of options, it’s her choice not to use them and it’s also her own fault for not keeping track of her specific one.

I assume the entire stash she doesn’t want is yours?” archetyping101

Another User Comments:

“NTJ regardless of potential allergy, flow level, pH balance, pain level, etc. Your roommate is an adult woman and this likely isn’t her first period. If it’s a medical emergency and you won’t take her to a hospital, that’s a different story.

Even if you had no period products at all, she should be familiar with the old makeshift toilet-paper-pad trick and get her happy self to the nearest store that sells feminine products. A period is not a disability.” Best-Astronaut

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is your roommate’s responsibility to ensure they have plenty of their preferred product.

When they get low towards the end of their last cycle, they should have bought more before the next one started. You had a stash of any number of different items she could have used until she got to the store. If there was nothing in the house, then she could have used rolled-up TP and taken her adult self to the store to buy something or just waited until the morning to go buy her preferred product.

There was no need to demand that you get up, get dressed, and go buy her what she wanted. Welcome to adulthood. Sometimes it is a bloody mess, but acting like an adult means you deal with it. Maybe she will remember to check her personal stash when this period ends so she can restock up before the next one hits.” JessieColt

“So I (19F) have a flatmate ‘Kim’ (20F) and we share a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom flat. When we were moving in we found out one bathroom had a shower, while the other had a bath, Kim didn’t want the bath so she took the shower and I took the bath.

While her bathroom is an ensuite, mine is across the hall, which isn’t an issue on a normal day.

I don’t typically have friends over, but Kim does and when she does they expect to use my bathroom. I put a stop to this and told Kim I was uncomfortable with strangers using my bathroom without my knowledge or consent, to which she eventually agreed and so they now use her bathroom.

This was fine until she started inviting people to stay for nights, to her credit, she only invites people to stay if I know and get along with them decently. However, as we both sleep with our bedroom doors locked (and the guest sleeps on the sofa) and Kim sleeps without clothes, any guest pretty much has to use my bathroom at night, which I am still not very comfortable with but can deal with it for a few nights.

The issue is one of our frequent night guests, ‘Sasha’ (19F).

I got creative when decorating my bathroom, and it’s kind of a haunted toilet theme, there are realistic spider stickers and a clown poster on the inside of the door looking directly at the toilet, and stickers of realistic eyes on the wall tiles.

Sasha is apparently scared of clowns and spiders, and the whole room creeps her out, so she holds her bladder until she can use my flatmate’s bathroom in the morning, Sasha is also Autistic and is sensitive to harsh light, which the bathroom light is, so she goes to the bathroom in the dark which makes it worse.

Apparently, she had a breakdown, because of the bathroom.

When my flatmate approached me about it I asked if that meant Sasha wouldn’t stay the night anymore and she said no and that she wants to stay over, but both want me to take down everything in my bathroom.

I refused saying it’s my bathroom and I like it the way it is.

We got into an argument and I told her that if it was such a big deal then she should leave her door unlocked and let Sasha go to the toilet in her ensuite which made Kim angrier as she (and I) hate sleeping with the bedroom doors unlocked.

We aren’t on speaking terms at the moment so I thought I’d ask here AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Her guests = her bathroom. SHE needs to accommodate for her guests. She’s refusing to do so. It’s unrealistic for you to accommodate especially after you’ve already come to an agreement.

If she brings it up again, tell her the above and see what she has to say. If she is unable to accommodate then she shouldn’t have guests. She’s pretty entitled to have the ensuite and then tell you what to do. Yeah, no.” lilolememe

Another User Comments:

“Why is Sasha staying over so often? If your flatmate wants to host a guest and make them comfortable, in this instance she needs to leave her door unlocked. She can wear pajamas for a night. Alternatively, could you swap bedrooms so you have the ensuite?

NTJ.” Maximum-Ear1745

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your guests use your bathroom; hers use hers. Sure, it’s nice when people make allowances, and you have, but that doesn’t reach to redecorating. The fact that you’ve compromised for overnight guests was you compromising; Sasha was pushing it in that request (demand) already.

If she’s concerned about Sasha, she can give Sasha her bed (and bathroom) when she visits, or she can adjust and unlock the door. Or Sasha and other guests can go home. You’re both young and working this out, but Kim is the entitled jerk here.

The ‘silent treatment’ adds to it…now she’s a childish entitled jerk. You are NTJ and have the right to what you pay for.” Tangerine_Bouquet

“I (18) visited my sister (28f). My sister has 2 sons (one 3 years old and the other a bit over 1 year old) and on one of the holidays, we stayed at her place. When we do that, I’m usually the one babysitting the 3-year-old as he likes me the most and I still have the energy to tire him out.

I was giving the two boys a bath and the 3-year-old decided to stay a little bit longer so my sister, her husband, and my mother went to take care of the little one. Everything was fine and I was having fun with the 3-year-old until he said that he suddenly needed to use the restroom for a number 2.

I was already expecting it so I dried him down quickly and helped him get on the potty. But when he finished I was in a panic because I didn’t know what to do next. I’m extremely grossed out by any kind of bodily fluids except blood.

So if someone has an injury or there is blood, I’m your person! But when it comes to this – no. So I told the little one to stay on the potty while I got one of the adults from my sister’s room to help him out.

Explaining the situation to them and how I don’t want to wipe the toddler’s bum. They just laughed at me and my sister started to ask questions like “Why? It’s all natural! Why are you so grossed out by this?” and “If you can’t do this then how are you wiping your own bum?” (Which is funny, considering she’s extremely grossed out by blood, but not anything else).

I didn’t say much because I didn’t want an argument to spark like all the other times and I could feel my hands shaking from anxiety. But we still managed to have a little argument over this and the situation just kept on getting worse and worse as the toddler was yelling my name.

That’s when I snapped and clearly told them my boundaries, that I’m here if we have a situation with blood or injuries, but not when it comes to me wiping a child or someone else’s bum or anything else! My sister continued to drill holes into me with her questions until she asked; “And what happens if you have to take care of our parents when they are older?

You will have to do the same things for them too! Or if you have a child of your own? Same thing! You’ll have to change the diaper and everything! You can’t say no to that! See this as a little training for that upcoming life situation.” I just answered, “If that time comes, I’ll figure something out!” She then turned to my mother with a small scoff and said “Well, you know what to expect from her then in the future!”

I was just done at that point and the toddler was also getting impatient, yelling my name the entire time and expecting me to do it. My sister’s husband then got tired of this and got up annoyed, going to do it himself. But because my sister ‘promised’ that I’d do it, I had to come along and see how it’s done.

I was then scolded once again on this a little bit later. I still feel bad because I could have done it and I could have avoided this entire argument with it – AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Mothers usually are not grossed out by their own babies’ output.

When you start nannying a child you may be turning your head the first few times, but as you bond with the baby, it just becomes one of those things. In my youth, I nannied several kids and I remember it well! You are not weird for not wanting to wipe the butt of a baby you only see occasionally.

If it was your baby or a baby who you had the duty to look after in both ends, you would be able to do it. Not finding all poo in the world enchanting and beautiful is completely normal!” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Poop is gross but when it’s your kid, you don’t get a choice – you have to deal with it.

One of the benefits of it not being your kid is that you DO get a choice. In the future, I’d employ avoidance tactics. If you’re expecting the kid to poop in the near future, make sure it’s in the loving care of its parents.” megsy99

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for having a poop boundary. You had every right to expect your nephew’s parents’ to take care of this since you have a known aversion. But you might need to work on that if you ever have kids of your own.

I know you think you’d be able to get your partner to do diaper changes and wiping for the kiddo, but that would mean you’d literally never be able to be alone with your own kid until after potty training. That would also put a really unfair burden on your partner, who would never be able to take time away from the kid unless there was a babysitter on hand.” InappropriateAccess

“When I (36F) married my ex-husband (40M), my MIL gave me a diamond ring that was in her family for several generations, as a wedding gift. We divorced after 7 years, primarily because he decided he no longer wanted children (we’d both wanted them when we got married).

At some point not too long after we separated, I remembered about the ring and asked my MIL if I could return to her since it was an heirloom. She wouldn’t hear of it and said it was mine, and stressed that it was a gift.

I am now happy in a new relationship, with a young child. I have no idea what to do with the ring, so it just sits in its box. It is a beautiful ring but it’s old and the stones are not set very securely (the jeweler mentioned this when it was cleaned to be gifted to me) so I have only worn it on very rare occasions and was always nervous when wearing it.

My partner says it is inappropriate to keep it since I’m not married to him anymore and suggested I should sell it. If it were just a normal ring I wouldn’t hesitate, but since it was an heirloom I feel guilty about the prospect.

It’s not hugely valuable (maybe £1-2K) but we are very short on money and it seems pointless having it just sit there gathering dust. So AITJ if I sell someone else’s family heirloom?”

Another User Comments:

“You seem to have some respect for ex-mil.

She probably assumed that you would pass it down to your kids. If you want to feel like you did the right thing then reach out to her once more and tell her that you can no longer keep the ring as it doesn’t feel appropriate in your current relationship and that you wanted to give her the respect of taking it back so that it isn’t sold to a stranger.

You are NTJ if you don’t, as she told you that you can keep it after the separation, but I’d get it if you don’t want to hurt ex-mil. Sometimes feeling good about our decision is more important than getting something material back from it.

I don’t think you’d be the jerk either way, but you would be super caring if you tried to return the heirloom, maybe there’s a cousin with some kids to pass it on to.” Mechya

Another User Comments:

“The ring was a gift from a woman who was an important part of your life, whom you still have fond feelings toward.

It has very little to do with your ex-husband now, especially since you offered to return it and she essentially gifted it to you again, not as her son’s wife. The fact that your current partner is uncomfortable with the fact that you have lived a life before him is the real problem here.

If you don’t want to wear the ring, consider having the gemstones reset in a necklace or a bracelet so you can have a memento of what was clearly a lovely relationship with your former MIL and a piece of jewelry you would enjoy wearing moving forward.

That way you don’t totally sever that connection with a woman you clearly still respect and care for, and you also get to carry the good things from your past experiences forward with you. Nobody should have to pretend everything about their life before meeting their current partner was bad or needs to be forgotten.” kittygattochat

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You offered to return it, and she very clearly told you to keep it. Unless she contacts you again and says, “I’ve thought about it, and if you still have it, I would actually love to have it back,” you are in the clear.

Personally, though, what I would do in this situation is pack the ring very securely in a lovely little box, write a lovely note to ex-MIL thanking her again for the gift and for the years of what seems to be a good relationship between the two of you, and say that you are giving the ring back to her, as a gift. And send it via registered mail to make sure it doesn’t get lost.” MissMarionMac

“My father divorced my mother when I was two. Wanted no responsibility as my father, wanted and got 0% custody and privately arranged visitation. He then moved 6 hours away but would have me every second holiday season for two weeks (he’d get Christmas one year, Easter the next, etc.)

When I was about five, he met and started seeing a woman who insisted everyone call her ‘sweetheart’. She was about 20 years older than my dad, has two kids his age. Was funnily enough homophobic, despite her son being bisexual and her daughter being married to another woman.

I’ll be brief: she would go through my bag every time I came over. She would take my medications saying I didn’t need them (she was a hippy type), would throw my undergarments in the trash because they had faint stains on them, and force me to use what little allowance I had to buy new ones, would refuse to let me call my mother despite my crippling separation anxiety.

She screamed at me once for reading a book after lights out when I’d asked Dad if I could just finish my chapter. Called me a selfish pig and insulted my mother. I was trapped at these visitations as it was a 6-hour drive home and I was forced to go up until 14 years old out of fear of my dad taking mum to court for 50/50 custody.

I’m 18 now. I reconnected with my dad recently (as in, last year or so) as he broke up with her and I wanted to have some sort of relationship as adults. It’s been slow and he already makes annoying comments about my mother and the fact that I take medications for a chronic illness that he doesn’t think I should take.

My uncle Chris died just two weeks ago – he was my second cousin through my dad, but we were super close. I decided to make the commitment of driving 6 hours to attend the funeral in the middle of a stressful period of study. ‘Sweetheart’ showed up unannounced, uninvited, and not at all appropriately dressed for a FUNERAL. Let alone the fact that she had no reason to be there as she had only met my uncle in passing.

I had a panic attack, barely made it through the funeral, and had to bail on the wake. She only came to the funeral to try and talk to me and my dad. My dad made a passive-aggressive remark about being civil and said that she was trying to get back with him.

She followed me to my car as I left, and Dad texted me later on saying how much I missed out on at the wake and how I shouldn’t have left.

Today, 3 days after the funeral, I sent my dad a text and told him that if he starts seeing her again I will not be visiting him.

I will still call him and if he comes down to my town I will have a coffee with him, but I will not be going to him anymore. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, since your dad already wasn’t treating you super well since you reconnected even before she came back around, I think it’s completely reasonable to cut him out of your life.

I’m sorry for the way she treated you during your childhood, she sounds like a vile person and if he wants to put her over you then he doesn’t deserve the privilege of having you in his life. Especially after she ruined your uncle’s funeral for you, she sounds like a huge bully, and it’s a shame your father didn’t stand up for you.” tinykiwi

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. With your dad making these comments about your mom and medications it sounds like they were coming from her. Are you sure they weren’t back together before the funeral? It sounds like he may have been lying to you about that or at least lying by omitting the truth.

The funeral may be just used by them because they figured you wouldn’t leave and would hear them out and be okay with it.” wlfwrtr

Another User Comments:

“Your dad has shown over and over that you were never a priority in his life. I’m so sorry.

He’s been complicit in your mistreatment (withholding medication, stealing money to provide essentials such as clothes) along with emotional abuse by threatening you with going to court for 50/50 custody. I guarantee that with your testimony as a kid of all the mistreatment you’d faced, and the fact he legally dropped all rights to you, your dad would have had no chance.

At best, he’s a spineless coward who stood by and let you suffer. At worst, he enabled that woman to mistreat you. I really hope you get help to come to terms with what’s happened so you can move on. NTJ.” I_wanna_be_anemone

“I am a 24M and my sister is 22F (I’ll call her Lily) and until about a year or two ago, we got along pretty well. Among my six siblings, I was definitely the closest to her growing up. But around late 2022, she started to change.

For context, my family is Mormon but I left the religion and also came out as gay around the age of 18/19. This has served as a point of contention for my family, but my sister was still supportive of me and really liked seeing my partner (I’ll call him David) too.

Anyway, around late 2022 she seemed less and less supportive of me and my life. She’d continuously express her “concerns” about my relationship, such as how he is Asian and I am not. If I had to guess, it probably is my parents enforcing their views on her and that really hurt me.

She left for a Mormon missionary in February 2023 and via email, she’d continue to criticise me and my relationship and by around June, I had finally had enough and blocked her emails. That was the last I had heard of her until last night.

I got a phone call from my Lily at around 11 pm last night where she informed me of how she’s been sent home early due to mental health issues, and our parents got really angry at her and kicked her out of the house.

And so she called me, asking if I’d be willing to let her stay at my place and my answer was no.

The thing is, I am already looking after our younger sister (20F) after she expressed a desire to leave the church and came out to me as lesbian and my apartment is just not big enough for four people, we have two bedrooms and David (now husband) and I sleep in separate rooms, and my 20F sister sleeps on the sofa.

So Lily would likely have to sleep in a sleeping bag.

Not only that but given the bigotry my sister has shown, David isn’t a fan of her. It just isn’t fair on him to have to deal with her, and it’s his home too.

I tried to not let my inner doormat win, and I told Lily that I am sorry, but I am not able to let her stay due to the above reasons. She was really upset with me and screamed that now she’ll be homeless.

Needless to say, I didn’t sleep well last night.

And so, here I am to see if I really am the jerk or not.

So, AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are a sibling, not a parent, so no matter what your reasonings, you don’t have to take in your sister. I don’t know when it became the norm to feel obligated to physically support one’s siblings.

I have multiple, and emotionally, we are there for one another, but I’m the youngest and in the 25 years I’ve been an adult, not one of us has asked another for a loan, a place to stay, or anything else that would drain the resources of one of the others.

We all come from the same social/economic background and where some do much better than others, (I make the least amount of money, compared to my siblings), we all have the same opportunities to either be happy with our lives as is or try to better ourselves.

However, even if you were to have the mindset of “but she is family”, your reasons are very valid to not take her in. You have a right to feel comfortable in your home. It should be a safe space for you where all the nonsense of the outside world stays outside and so does your partner.” EmployeeMom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Family bonds do not entail an obligation to tolerate disrespect or jeopardize your household’s stability. While compassion is important, so are the boundaries that preserve the serenity of your living space. You’ve already made significant sacrifices to support a sibling in alignment with your values.

Now it’s paramount to protect the domestic harmony that underpins your quality of life. Life sometimes delivers harsh lessons, and your sister must face the consequences of her actions, hopefully leading to personal growth and a change in her attitudes.” PixiePaigexx

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – There is no room in your home and you and your husband have a right to feel safe in your own home.

That being said – have you considered whether your parents were using whatever mental health issues your sister has been dealing with to bully or manipulate her into accepting and parroting their homophobia? I completely understand that you cannot offer her a place to live.

But you may be able to help her connect with social services in your area (shelter, community mental health center, non-profits that help young adults leaving the church) to see if with the right support and in a safe environment she goes back to the loving and accepting person she used to be.” Forward_Squirrel8879

“My (22f) grandmother recently passed. She wasn’t wealthy but she did have a good amount of savings and owned her house.

She and I were very close, and I would regularly visit her just to hang out and talk, and I moved closer to her so I could help when she started needing more help with things. I offered to move in with her to help all the time, but her independence was important to her so she refused. I know it meant a lot to her that I made so much time to help and spend time with her.

I didn’t do any of this with personal gain in mind, I just loved my grandma and liked spending time with her/wanted her to be comfortable.

We’ll call my sister (25f) Alice for the sake of this post. Alice loved our grandma but was not as close to grandma as I was.

She would also often make fun of her and tease her, which Grandma could laugh along with to an extent but it was clearly not always welcome. Alice also got mad at Grandma for not giving her more funds for college (she did help some, but not enough to pay in full and my sister still had to take some loans) which hurt her feelings a lot.

Closeness and love are different things, and I am certain that Grandma loved us both equally, and reckon Alice loved her as much as I did – she just showed it differently.

When grandma passed, she left most of her savings to be divided equally between her two kids (my mom and my uncle, who has no kids), but she did leave a bit of savings for my sister and me.

Her house, on the other hand, she left to me. She left my sister some other material assets such as her coin collection, but obviously, that’s not a lot compared to a whole house.

I haven’t decided yet what to do with the place. I definitely want to either move in there or sell it to get my own place, as I rent currently, but I’m still weighing out the pros and cons of both paths.

Here’s where the conflict comes in. Alice is struggling a bit with funds right now and is trying to get me to sell the house and split the proceeds with her. Her argument is that fairness was always important to grandma, and it’s not fair that I should get to have the whole house when Alice is her granddaughter too and needs the funds.

She’s really mad about the whole thing and a lot of that anger has been directed at me.

I’m really torn about what to do. I value my relationship with my sister and don’t want her to hate me, and she does have a point about grandma valuing fairness.

I also don’t want her to be struggling when I could help, and it feels wrong for me to insist on keeping it when I don’t even know what I want to do with it yet. On the other hand, having the house or selling it to buy my own place would take a huge weight off my back and would let me and my partner get a fresh start after losing someone so close to us, and I do believe Grandma wanted that for us and that’s why she left me the place.

So AITJ for not giving Alice half the value of our grandma’s house?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but you would be one to yourself if you don’t just take a big pause. Your grandmother was probably so happy when she made her will. So happy she was leaving you with this precious gift – a memorial of all your good times together.

She wanted you to have it and it gave her joy to do that. You can decide what to do, but don’t let your sister’s unhappiness take away the beautiful gift your grandmother gave you. Fairness doesn’t mean equal division. To bring up “what grandma valued” is manipulative.

I’m not saying your sister is a bad person, but that is a bad action. It is not a small thing to make a will, and your grandmother did exactly what she intended. It was not an accident.” Lazy_Crocodile

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

The house was left to YOU. Alice has no say. She can go to your mom for help. You stay out of it. If your grandmother wanted to leave it to BOTH of you, she would have. So your sister’s manipulative line that fairness was always important to grandma …is nonsense.

Pay that no mind. Trust that your grandmother knew what she wanted, and respect her wishes. It’s yours.” The_Bad_Agent

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your grandma wanted to leave the house to both of you she WOULD do that, but she didn’t. She left the house to you so you are in full control over it and only you can decide if you want to share it with your sister.

She deserves what she gets and if there was no house for her then she doesn’t deserve one. As for selling or not, it’s only your choice, and about how much funds to give to your sister is also your choice, ask your partner what he thinks too.” forgeris

“I (29F) have been wanting to go camping and my husband (30M) said let’s do it Mother’s Day weekend like we have before because he knows I love it.

I left the Friday before Mother’s Day and came home ON Mother’s Day and still got to see my mom, grandmother, and aunts at the usual BBQ they do.

Granted, we came straight from camping so we were a little dusty, and the kids were happy but unkempt haha.

Last year my husband did this as a surprise, this year he’s letting me pick what site we go to and get new gear.

I was telling my mom (49) about this and how excited I was.

She blew up and said that she can’t believe we are doing this to her again, that she understands my husband didn’t grow up with a ‘real’ family (his mom passed when he was in HS and his dad was… well not very good) but that in ‘our family’ we spend it together.

I had no idea they had this talk, and I even pointed out how we didn’t miss the BBQ we made it there ON TIME and had a great afternoon.

She said, ‘I don’t understand your generation. I had to fall in line and I don’t understand why you don’t.’

I pointed out that while it’s true that we grew up hearing her complain she never got to do her own thing, I thought she’d be happy my husband wanted to do something I love so much even if he isn’t a big fan.

My dad (51) (I was at their house) interrupted and told me essentially to be quiet and that if I went we would have words.

They made me feel like a jerk. My husband says he doesn’t care and that if I wanted to he’d take me for the whole week.

I’m a mother too and it’s not like I’ve ever missed a Mother’s Day with my mom. Not even when I was camping.

I really want to go, but now I feel bad. Would I be the jerk if I went camping anyway?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are an adult. Your mother sounds petty and controlling. She couldn’t do what she wanted to do for Mother’s Day so now she wants to treat her daughter the same not very good way? Then your father tells you to be quiet or you will have words?

“Fall in line“ and “have words” are abusive language. I hope you got up and walked out. I also hope that you go on the trip with your husband and kids. I also hope you tell your parents that their disrespectful behavior will have consequences.

Women like your mother really baffle me. I am a mom 365. I don’t need a fake commercial holiday to validate me as a mother.” Banana_Puddin11

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom is out of line thinking that you should dedicate the entire day to her, when you are a mom yourself, and maybe your kids want to do something else with you.

And you made it to the celebration, so she’s really in no position to be giving you a hard time for this. Time to set boundaries. If she doesn’t like it, too bad. Tell her that you can make it to the BBQ, but you are a mom too and your little family has their own ways they would like to celebrate and you will continue to do so whether she agrees with it/respect it or not.” Stranger0nReddit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Personally, I’d tell them the whole day was mine since they decided to be bullies about this. It isn’t easy to grow a spine but once you show your parents that you are an ADULT and intend to put your family first, it feels pretty good.

“They made me feel like a jerk.” Why? OP, just go. This is toxicity and misery rolling down another generation. Are you going to do this to your kids? Maybe not, but you are setting an example that, even as adults, you have to bow to the selfishness and meanness of the older people in the family.

I bet they pull the “honor thy mother and father” argument too. Your mother doesn’t have good memories of being honored on Mother’s Day and now you won’t either, if you give in.” LoveChins2024

“I (27F) am getting married this December to my long-term partner. We both planned to have this as an almost “Child-Free” wedding, only inviting 3 kids under 7 years old, the ring bearer, the arrhae bearer, and the flower girl.

We decided to not include any kids as we have experienced attending weddings where invited guests are allowed to bring their kids, and it was chaotic!

One time, we attended one of his best friends’ wedding with a guest list of 100, almost 20% of whom were kids. The ceremony was good but you can hear the kids playing around, screaming at their playmates, laughing, crying, etc. We didn’t really understand what the pastor was saying because of the noise.

So as we are planning our wedding, both I and my fiance decided to not invite any of our friends’/relatives’ kids, unless they are part of the entourage. We don’t want our guests standing up every time their kids cry, asking for their kids to sit down or for their kids to have their tantrums while the ceremony or the reception is ongoing.

We want them to enjoy the party as is. We also planned on inviting only 100 people.

I have a big family, especially on my dad’s side. Most of them are my cousins, who almost all have their own kids ages 11 and below. One of my aunts wants to bring her grandkids as there’s no one to look after them (a total of 5 ages 2-11y.o).

My dad is insisting I invite them as they are still family and it is unfair to invite 3 kids who are not blood-related to me and not the kids from the family.

On the other end, one of my friends (ex co-worker) is also insisting on bringing her kids (ages 5 and below) as I’ve already met them twice and there’s no reason for me to not invite them because they are well-behaved kids.

My wedding is months away and I’m thinking of increasing the number of invited people (depending on the budget we will have for the next couple of months) but I’m not sure if I will still include these kids on my list. WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…”We have chosen a child-free wedding. We are not changing that. I will understand if you are not able to attend.” Rinse, lather repeat, every time you are questioned. Your wedding is in December. There is plenty of time for people to find childcare if they really want to come to the wedding.

Aunt with grandkids, what about the parents? Or are they cousins who will also be invited?” Worth-Season3645

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Weddings unfortunately include hard decisions. Ultimately you decide what you want. But every choice has consequences. It is perfectly fine to have no kids other than those in the wedding party.

Just know you are going to get all kinds of pushback. Especially if there is a family or cultural tradition of including kids. Doesn’t mean you have to change – just know people are going to feel they can complain and may get mad.

Now for Dad… my motto is “those who pay, get a say”. If Dad is paying, then you probably have to at least hear him out. Hopefully, he will understand. My advice is don’t break the budget. Life is expensive. It’s totally not worth going into debt at the beginning of your marriage.” Slow-Show-3884

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And you are fine to tell your friend and aunt that unfortunately you are not able to add the extra guests they are asking for and that you will of course completely understand if this means that they are unable to attend.

Also, tell your dad that it is not remotely ‘unfair’ to invite specific individuals who are members of the wedding party, and to not invite people who are only distantly related to you and who are not part of the wedding party. Also, you are not required to be ‘fair’ when choosing your guest list. You are inviting the people you would like to be able to come to celebrate with you – it’s not unfair if you invite (say) one cousin because you see them regularly and have a current friendly relationship with them, and to not invite another who has the same biological closeness/relationship because you have little in common and haven’t spoken in years.

if your dad is helping with costs then he may get some say in the guest list but it’s still fine to tell him he can invite x number of people but they all need to be adults because you are not inviting children except the ones who are actually in the wedding party.” ProfessorYaffle1

“I love camping and hiking on the weekends. My wife always hated it and hardly went. One of my children doesn’t like it either, but, to my happiness, my children Emma (25F) and Mike (28M) love it and we do it several times a year.

Mike has been with Jenny (26F) for 1 year (ish) and she has some mobility difficulties, she can walk, but not long distances. She is a kind and good girl, we have a great relationship and because of that my wife and I invited her to go to the beach with us and the rest of the family.

I wanted to go to this beach because of a nearby trail that led to a wonderful beach and on the second day of the trip (7 days), I announced that I would do this trail and Emma agreed to go along, her partner did too and I invited Mike to go.

Later that day, he pulled me aside asking if we could actually go to another beach accessible by car so Jenny could go too.

I said I didn’t want to because I wanted to do the trail and see this beach, but that we could do that on another day, but the next day would be this trail.

Mike said that Jenny was feeling left out of not being able to participate, as my daughter was also taking her partner and she would be left out due to her physical limitations.

I pointed out the fact that 4 people besides her weren’t going on this hike either and I’m not refusing to do that, but that tomorrow I had other plans.

He said that I should understand her situation and not force a situation in which she is clearly being excluded by physical limitations and that if that were the case, he wouldn’t go either.

I agreed and said okay. The next day, by a miracle, my other son wanted to go and the four of us went on this trail.

My son barely talked to me properly the whole trip (Jenny too) and when I suggested we go to another beach by car, he said I had some nerve to suggest that after all.

My wife and the rest of the family have decided to stay out of this, but I’m at a loss.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I don’t get it. Is this what happened?: You invited Mike and Jenny to join you on a week-long beach vacation (so your vacation, presumably you were paying for it…) You spent one day doing a hike you wanted to do and then said the next day you could do what Mike suggested. Because you went on a hike that you wanted to do on your vacation, Mike and Jenny aren’t speaking to you?

Mike and Jenny are spoiled much? NTJ.” Quick-Possession-245

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Surely she can’t think that everyone will stop doing activities she can’t do? No one is ever to do anything she knows about that she can’t do? Ever? That’s ridiculous.

She needs to get over herself. I have things that sometimes prevent me from joining in activities. I get sad sure. But I tell everyone else to have a grand ol time and I’ll stay back and relax. The world doesn’t stop because some of us have body limits.” Ihateyou1975

“This girl Cathy and I (32, F) have been close friends since our middle school days. When we were in high school, I met and started seeing Zach. We were each other’s firsts and were really close, and had even applied to study abroad together once we graduated high school.

After a couple of years together, Zach and I hit a rough patch. I guess I started to realize we had different views about fundamental things. Thus, it didn’t come as a surprise when Zach told me one day that things weren’t going to work between us.

The break-up still hurt, especially when less than a few weeks later, Cathy announced to our friend group that she and Zach had started seeing each other.

Naturally, I went low contact with the couple after that. We still shared a mutual friend group, so I knew that Zach followed through with the college plans we made and studied overseas.

Cathy studied locally as her family struggles financially and couldn’t afford to send her abroad. After graduation, Zach found a job overseas and has worked there since then. The two maintained a long-distance relationship for years before they married a few years back, when Cathy decided to quit her local job to relocate to live with Zach.

As for me, I saw several people over the years before I met my partner. We had a whirlwind romance and soon after marriage, we had our son Kal. Since we live out of state, I often post updates about my son’s growth and milestones on my private social media page for our families back home to see.

A few days ago, I announced my second pregnancy on social media, and while I received congratulations from most, some of the mutual friends Cathy and I share have asked me if I could tone down my pregnancy updates and posts about my son in the future.

When I asked why, they told me that Cathy told them that it’s painful to see my posts because “she’s having a hard time on her motherhood journey”.

The thing is, while I’m not sure if Cathy has issues with fertility, one of the reasons why Zach and I didn’t work out was because of our differing views on kids.

Even back in high school, Zach had been adamant that he is not a family person, and if he can help it, he doesn’t want to ever have kids. Cathy and I, on the other hand, used to always talk about having children. So I suspect the topic of kids may be a sore point for them in their marriage.

Whatever the case is, I feel like I shouldn’t have to limit what I post on my personal private page, and I don’t plan to do so. If Cathy doesn’t like what I post, she can easily scroll past or block me. Some of our friends have agreed with me, but a couple have said I’m being inconsiderate of Cathy’s struggles.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is a grown woman who can fend for herself. You are not really her friend at all and you have ZERO responsibility for her happiness. Honestly, these mutual friends are more interested in her than you, I would cut them out.

Anyone who wants you to talk less about your kids (unless it is to the point where all you talk about is kids) shouldn’t be in your life.” COLGkenny

Another User Comments:

“Lol NTJ. I mean, you could have left out the entire backstory and started with Kal and your current partner.

You still wouldn’t be the jerk. Assuming they didn’t have something going on behind your back, they weren’t jerks for just falling in love. But I understand why it stings. The fact is, she’ll be hit with baby stuff from all over the place. Everyone struggles with something, and seeing others succeed in that thing hurts.

But that’s when you use it as inspiration, a fire to light under yourself to achieve something. Not become embittered because someone else has what you want. Or tell someone they can’t be happy or excited because you aren’t. As you said, she can block or unfollow you.

But she can’t tell you what to do.” consolelog_a11y

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Would Cathy ask a maternity clothing store to cover up their window because the sight of maternity clothes reminds her of her difficult “journey”? Would Cathy think that when she walks by a playground every other parent should stand between her and their child so she does not see kids playing and reminding her of her difficult “journey”?

Social media is a pseudo-public forum. If she does not want to see your posts she can unfollow you, scroll past, or just realize the world does not revolve around her and she does not get to dictate content others post because she does not like it.” sh1tsawantsays

“My (23F) partner, “Dan” (26M) invites his friends everywhere.

Unless I explicitly tell him that I want to do something with just him, his friends are always invited, and it’s really starting to get to me.

Dan texted me last week saying “I finally have a plan for your birthday. I was thinking we go out on a dinner date with some friends” and genuinely when I got this message, I felt like breaking down in tears.

I don’t wanna make it seem like I don’t like his friends. They are lovely, but I’m not in a relationship with them and would prefer they’re not at every outing, especially one that’s supposed to be about me. Because I was very emotional, it took me a while to communicate, but the next day I explained that I really wasn’t interested in going out to dinner with his friends.

I told him that it’s nice to see them once in a while, but they’re his friends, not mine, and when they’re always invited it makes me feel like I’m not good enough and that he’s not particularly interested in spending alone time with me.

He apologized, and to his credit, did take the evening off from work to spend with just me. But then, today my birthday rolled around. We pulled up to the restaurant, and I saw his friend’s car in the parking lot. Immediately, I got upset.

I told Dan that he completely disrespected me and hurt my feelings by not respecting my wishes for my birthday. He told me I was being dramatic, that it was “just dinner” and that his friends were only there because he felt uncomfortable uninviting them, but would make an effort to make more plans with just me.

I was on the verge of tears, so I told Dan to just go inside without me. Then, I called an Uber and went home.

My phone was flooded with messages. Dan’s friends were asking if I was OK, he was texting me saying I was immature and the jerk for leaving him there.

In his mind, I should’ve stayed and put on a show for his friends and we could’ve talked about it later. We haven’t spoken since, and I really don’t know how to proceed from here. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is not very romantic to have dates with a Greek chorus every time.

I’m wondering if he is a bit weak in the romance department, I don’t mean intimacy. He should realize that the Greek chorus actually makes these occasions non-dates. When you are in a relationship, it is important that you get time together to talk so that you really get to know each other.

Are you aligned when it comes to important stuff? How can you know this, if you don’t get to talk, uninterrupted by friends? Romance means this and many other things that don’t necessarily mean having to have palm trees, sunsets, or other Hollywood backdrops. Being with friends is also important and merging your friend groups, but that is for later when you are sure that you are on the same page or at least in the same book.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. OP and I am so sorry that what he did to you is disrespectful on his part. You told him what you want and do not want, and he should have heeded and listened to you. The way he did that birthday only made it all about himself, not you.

Btw there is nothing wrong with you celebrating it in your own way be it in private solo or just him and yourself. You wrote that he texted that “I finally have a plan for your birthday. I was thinking we go out on a dinner date with some friends” right?

The way he wrote it sounds controlling and disrespectful to me. And it is a big red flag.

OP think very wisely now. If he can do this to you one time then what next? Him ambushing you with a surprise wedding proposal when you make it clear you’d rather have it private and you do not like surprises?

Or him repeating the same thing on your birthday every year? Or him controlling what dress he wants you to wear for the wedding? If this guy won’t respect you and your input then ask yourself is this what you want in a relationship being guilted, controlled, and gaslighted by him?

You are a human being, not a toy or doll to be owned by him. Dump him OP and you deserve better.” Kangaroo-Pack-3727

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like it wasn’t even a big group, just another couple that he knows and hangs out with frequently.

I’d feel like the 3rd wheel in that instance instead of your bday celebration for sure. If they were such good friends of his, he could’ve totally told them – hey sorry going to do something different for her bday and we will catch up with you guys next time.

What a jerk to continue his own plans knowing it’s not what you wanted.” judgemental_t