The Most Brutal Jerks I've Ever Met

“My 22F roommate 19F and I have had a strained but functional relationship since we moved in together in June. She is young and impulsive.

In August, she asked me if we could watch her friend’s cat for the semester. Part of me was skeptical since we have a no-pet policy, but my roommate reassured me it would be fine.

I agreed since I’d been considering getting a cat of my own, but made sure to mention that watching a cat for that long could be detrimental to her mental health, since she could get attached to it, but she reassured me it wouldn’t.

While the cat was here, I got annoyed with it always scratching on my furniture and I mentioned to my roommate that after this cat left I was done. She seemed to understand, so I thought nothing of it.

The cat was supposed to leave on Dec 14.

I had a family emergency, so I left with my dad after I graduated on Dec 10. I did not come home until Jan 3 and was surprised to find a new cat in my apartment. She hadn’t mentioned anything to me about it.

When I called her out about it, she ignored me for days.

I finally texted her and she said how she really needed the cat for her mental health and I called BS on her. I felt bad about it until she made a joke about how every ESA is just for show, to get around our no-pet policy.

We continued to go back and forth and I asked her to keep it in her room and out of common spaces since most of the furniture is mine and I’ve had to keep the cat from scratching at my things and ruining them, which she said was ridiculous and I was unreasonable.

(I still tried to do it anyway.) I just graduated college and have a few more weeks until I start work so I can’t afford to replace my already brand-new furniture.

I then continued to remind her I didn’t want the cat and put all of the cat’s things in the common area (INCLUDING THE LITTERBOX MIGHT I ADD), and she kept moving it back and ignoring my attempts to talk about it.

I’ve also tried talking to management since the no pet policy is their thing, and my roommate couldn’t be bothered to send the ESA letter (Which makes me skeptical if it’s legit)

Now that brings us to today. I received a text from my roommate this morning asking me to take care of her cat for the next 2 days while she‘s home for the long weekend.

I said no since it isn’t my cat. When I left my room to get breakfast, I caught the cat behind my TV as it was tipping over, thankfully.

This was my last straw. After I got my TV back in place and was sure it wasn’t going to tip over, I texted her that I would be taking her cat to the humane society.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s her animal and she’s never there to take care of it. She only wants the “good parts” of having a pet, not the actual responsibility. And most importantly, the cat deserves better.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“ESH.

Your roommate for obvious reasons. You, because you could close your door if you don’t want the cat in your room and because taking an animal to a shelter is extremely stressful for them. BUT – did your roommate go home for a long weekend without assuring pet care *before she left??* If so, cat might be better off at the shelter finding a more responsible home.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“I think everyone sucks here. You shouldn’t get rid of her pet. That’s also really stressful on the cat. But she also should have never gotten the cat without discussing it with you and coming to an agreement. So she sucks a tad more but yeah.” UnusualSupport8001

“I’m pretty successful, especially in comparison to my family. I also travel quite a bit for work.

When I do come into town I try and meet everyone and usually go out to a few dinners. Because of the income disparity, I almost always pay for my family.

Sometimes I splurge and take them out to a really nice place but usually, it’s just outback or something. I do let them pay every once in a while when it’s a quick, cheap meal so they don’t feel bad.

I have no issue with this and love helping my family ( I handle family vacations, bought mom a car, etc) so I feel like I’m very generous with them.

I was coming back into town for the holidays but couldn’t stay long this time. My mom said everyone wanted to see me and planned a dinner.

After I got into town I had a text from my mom from a few hours earlier (no signal on plane) to meet at a really high-end steakhouse.

I was a bit uneasy about it because I always initiate more expensive meals but roll with it.

I show up at the restaurant to find a huge party. My mom, stepdad, grandparents, cousins, neighbors, etc. Usually our family dinners are 6 people roughly. I don’t have much family and very few I’m close to.

This was almost 20 people.

I didn’t think much of it and ordered dinner. Then the neighbor of my grandmother, whom I’ve only ever waved to, offered a toast to me for being so generous and taking everyone out to dinner.

I looked at my mom who was beet red. Appetizers came out at this exact moment.

I had assumed some version of a Dutch meal since so many people were there. I immediately said “I’m not paying for dinner”

I quickly looked around. Everyone had drinks. They ordered a ton of appetizers and everyone had steaks. This place’s steaks all are 80-250 per person.

Quick math said this was going to be a 4k dinner easy.

I got up, threw a $100 on the table, and left.

My phone was blowing up, I turned it off and went to bed and left the next day without saying bye. I didn’t handle it well but actually felt used. I also told my mother I would stop sending her monthly allowance going forward.

I know I’m NTJ with the dinner but more concerned about my reaction.”

Another User Comments:

“Clear NTJ. You did not offer, you did not get consulted, and mother seemed to assume you would pay for the world and their dog. And I think I would have handled it the same way – put down more than enough to make up for what I’ve ordered so far, and leave.

Not your drama to sort through, so have a nice quiet evening elsewhere.” Fearless_Spring5611

Another User Comments:

“NTJ they really were expecting you to pay, what a bunch of greedy lowlifes. Your Mum is a major jerk. Planning a family dinner and expensive steak restaurants are 2 vastly different things.

You had every right to feel used and mistreated. I think you handled it just fine! On the allowance well done, that will sting!” Successful_Bath1200

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – OK, you stormed out of the restaurant and embarrassed them – which your mother deserved if she told everyone the meal was on you – but didn’t anyone see how hurt you must have been to be treated like this?

Did anyone reach out and apologize? I really feel for you – it’s not about the money – it’s about respect.” Sassy-Peanut

“I am going to try to be unbiased here and give my wife’s point of view as well.

I currently have a WFH job and I’ve been working for about 4 months. It has its share of challenges but I feel that I am settling into the role. I feel that it is a job that I will be good at given more time.

It is for a respectable company that treats its employees with respect.

I recently got offered an onsite job and would pay about 50% more. I previously worked for this company and it was one of the worst job experiences that I’ve had. This new role would be in a completely different department with different coworkers and management.

My hesitation with taking the job is that I am afraid that I will get right back into the anxiety that I had when I worked there previously. Just the thought of driving there every day gives me anxiety. I went for the interview just to hear more about the job and I ended up getting it.

It is not a job that I would ever consider if it weren’t for the money. Too many bad memories and the actual job itself is extremely stressful.

Now from my wife’s perspective…she has a higher-paying job than me in the field of her choice.

It is extremely soul-sucking and she would like the opportunity to have less of the financial burden on her. She sees this possible new job of mine as a way for that to happen. She feels that if I took this job, it would give her the chance to possibly work part-time at her job.

It would give her a chance to “breathe” and it would give her peace of mind. I do understand her opinion because she does have a tough job. She had carried the financial burden for our entire marriage. She would like the chance to be able to have less stress in her job/life.

She is disappointed in me that I do not want to take the job and take some of the burden off of her.

I don’t know what to do…do I take this job and go back to feeling that anxiety every day to help out my wife?

Or do I stay at my current, lower-paying job that I enjoy? I feel like I’m screwed either way. What do I do???”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – You need to think bout balancing it out and finding better-paid alternatives to what you are doing.

If you had such a terrible experience at the workplace, then I understand why you wouldn’t want to go back. And if it is like it was previously, you may not need to be there for very long anyway. But I think it demonstrates that you are capable of getting a more senior, higher-paying job than the one you have.

That said, it’s no good for your wife to be burned out either. You need to sit down together and come up with a strategy that works for both of you.” Sloppypoopypoppy

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here You’re both trying to balance the dual push/pull of workplace stress and money.

Adjudicating this issue is WAY beyond our pay grade. It is something for which the two of you should consult either with a financial planner or with a marriage counselor — maybe both.” Individual_Ad_9213

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I think you made the right call not going to work for a company that would make you miserable.

Your wife being overworked and stressed are also really important things for you two to figure out how to get work-life balance together. Maintaining the status quo is not an option. It’s not fair she’s the only miserable one, and wouldn’t be fair if you became the miserable one.” evelynsmee

“My mum (53 F) wants to move into my (25 F) new house and I don’t want her to. She called me today saying she is sick of her living where she is living currently.

She is fighting with the lady who owns the house and because of this, the lady has revealed to people in the community that my mum is living with her rent-free. Which wouldn’t be too bad except that my mum is running for local council and this lady’s house is outside of the boundaries.

3 months ago I got the keys to my new house that I built by myself. No help from parents or a partner (not that I have one). This house is on the boundary of the electorate. For the past 4 years, I have been living with my dad (61 M).

It took 2 years to build the house with all the delays. I’m living here by myself and I love it.

My mum called me today asking to move in. I reluctantly said yes over the phone. However, this is my worst nightmare. I have been trying to set healthy boundaries between us because she can be very critical of my physical appearance.

I am a relatively conventionally attractive girl with a larger chest. If I show any bit of cleavage my mum will talk about it to anyone who will listen. If my house is ‘dirty’ when she comes over unannounced she tells the extended family.

For some extra context growing up my mum would always tell me ‘Don’t get fat, boys don’t like fat girls’ while she has been very overweight my entire life.

This started around puberty. She also likes to grab my chest a lot especially if I’m getting dressed. I have always protested this for years now. The last time I lived with her we almost came to blows and that was just for 2 weeks when my dad’s house had been flooded.

She is also quitting her job to focus on the campaign so I wouldn’t be getting any money from her.

If I don’t let her live with me she might not be able to enter the election which she has been working for years to win.

The election happens in 3 months.

So basically she makes me super uncomfortable.

Would I be the jerk if I told her I don’t want her to live with me?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…set your boundaries today! Tell her, no, she is not moving in with you now or ever.

There is no way with your history that you two will ever live together. Stand firm. Because you know if you let her in that door, she will take over. It will be her house and her way and her rules. And she is not even going to contribute?

You are expected to support her also? Nope. You do not owe her anything. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Tell her no and then if you have to, go low or no contact.” Worth-Season3645

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Set the boundary quickly. She is going to eat into you and your resources She’ll take over and make you feel bad for the privilege.

Always had done means she always will do. She’s doing what she can to live her life well, even if it means consuming your mental health and finances. If being considerate of someone means being inconsiderate of yourself, don’t do it. You’re going to be upset, hurt, and angry in both scenarios, anyway.

You might as well do it in your house alone, in other words, in the scenario that works for you best. Good luck.” mangoN-lime

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Are you in the UK or AU? I would tell her something has come up and your place isn’t available.

And then let your dad deal with her going forward, she sounds invasive and boundary-stomping (literally!) If necessary tell her she can’t move in because with all the interest rate rises you need to get a housemate to help with the mortgage and you know she can’t pay the rent.

Also… a failure to do the right thing in her planning for Council isn’t a) your fault, and b) an emergency you have to fix. This is ALL on her.” Particular-Try5584

“I am a 22-year-old female college student who lives on her own. I moved out when I was 18 for college. My mum married another man who had a daughter around the time of my moving out.

Not that I had a problem honestly. His daughter was 13 so now she is 17. I never got close to either him or her. I was mostly busy with my studies and when I was not, I preferred to spend private time with my mother. So no, I didn’t put in effort to get to know them nor did they put effort into getting to know me.

Now fast forward to last week, my college held an event which they called “celebrate your sibling party” or simply an event where everyone brings their siblings to the party if they want to but can still attend if they bring a friend or any guest instead or even don’t bring anyone.

The “sibling” party was just a cherry on top otherwise it was a very normal party that allowed only one guest. I thought of inviting a very close friend of mine since she was staying in my state.

My stepfather somehow got to know of this and was like “Take your sister” and my mother also talked with me about how this would be a “beautiful opportunity to get to know your sister”.

I didn’t like the pushing of us being “sisters” I don’t know, I never thought of her as family and never had that many interactions with her. My mum decided to marry into a family why should that mean I, who had 0 involvement, should indulge in their family games?

I told my mother I already invited my friend but she was like “meet her anywhere else or go to a club together later but take your sister!”.

The whole conversation I was trying to not be rude but because they both kept insisting on us being “sisters” and that I have to take her, I finally blasted and was like “No I already have someone invited and even if I didn’t I am not going to take her anywhere because we are not sisters just because you 2 married”.

I admit my words were kinda harsh but they came after me respectfully declining their request MANY times and not listening.

Now they are both mad and my mum texted saying I should apologize to her husband and come around more to have some “family” topics.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Being a sibling is genetics and/or time spent together. This girl isn’t related to you and you haven’t spent time with her. She’s not a sister by any stretch of the imagination. Nor is your mother’s husband your stepfather. If they don’t like it, they need to do the work to maybe change it, not bully you into accepting whatever they say as fact.” Cursd818

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like you had to state things harshly because they refused to listen. If they were so worried about you having a relationship with your ss, they should have pushed it when you were visiting with just your mom. You two are strangers.

There wasn’t any interaction between the two of you because you’d left for college. They can’t try to force her on you now. That ship has sailed. I just hope that your college funding isn’t tied to your mom. If it is, she could turn petty & yank your funding as a way to force you to be a big sister.

If not, you are golden. Do what you want with whoever you want to. You are an adult & can choose.” Straysmom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I (30F) have 4 step-siblings and see them maybe once or twice a year, I buy their kids Christmas and birthday presents but we didn’t grow up together and we don’t socialize together, I don’t dislike them they’re just not that important to my life and they’re all bonded with each other anyway, don’t force something that isn’t there.” oep1424

“So, I (14f) have an older sister (19f) who we will call “Ella”. Ella is staying at home with me and my parents for university until she graduates or finds an affordable apartment for rent.

Anyway to give a little context my family is pretty busy. My mom is a nurse so she is gone very early and isn’t back until sometimes very late and my dad also gets up early as well. (I’m not exactly sure what he does but I know it has something to do with finance) So because of this, I have to get myself ready in the morning.

Since my parents aren’t here in the morning I’ve set up a routine. I’ll usually pack my lunch, snack, etc the night before and put it in the fridge to take it to school the next morning and it works out great.

UNTIL my sister moved in. For a little context, my sister is also out of the house before I wake up and I’ve started to notice that she would take my lunch, leaving me with nothing to eat. I just assumed she didn’t know it was mine which was a little annoying but I just told her to stop taking them.

She agreed and all was well until last week Friday.

Friday morning I was supposed to go to school and she took my lunch AGAIN I had to buy myself something small with pocket money and I had enough so I decided I was done.

I woke early on Saturday morning before she was awake and just took her sandwich. (For more context cause I know people will be confused, she goes to the library with her friends on some Saturday and that’s the only time she’ll pack her lunch) Anyway, I took it and started eating it for breakfast. Needless to say, when she came downstairs and saw me eating her food she got mad.

We got into a fight and I ended up telling her that this was how I felt every time she was too lazy to make her food and ate mine instead. I went back upstairs and by the time I came back down she was gone.

My parents weren’t happy when they found out what happened and told us to figure it out ourselves so now I’m kind of feeling bad. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents are even bigger jerks than your sister. Yes, she’s an adult (though barely), but she’s not responsible for you.

Your parents are, and it’s their house, they are the ones with the authority to make your sister stop this behavior, and the responsibility to care for and protect you.” DrippyMagoo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ-Sister is being lazy, is certainly old enough to know that lunches do not magically make themselves, and should be respectful enough of her sister to not revert to previous lunch-thieving ways.

Taking Sis’s lunch is just giving her a taste of her own medicine, as the old saying goes. If the absentee parents can suddenly get involved, then they can be asked for a weekly sum to pay for lunches.” Strict_Condition_632

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- your parents are though. I would tell them you are still their minor and responsibility. Someone is making you feel food insecure. Should you share this at school? And yes the still counts. Food insecurity has many types.   They said to take care of it yourself, and try talking to your counselor.

Yeah, they’ll get annoyed if they get a call, oh dang they have to parent.” PicklesMcpickle

“I used to make things like french fries or fish sticks as an after-school snack for my daughter and me pretty often; something to hold us over until dinner. My wife would always come home and complain about the smell.

I stopped making those things as often, maybe from 3 times a week to once a month. I started washing the pans as soon as I transferred the food and would light a candle to help with the smell, something my wife asked and I happily obliged. I’ll also try and make these things several hours ahead of when she will be coming home, to help the smell dissipate.

Yesterday my daughter asked for french fries and so I made them. I had gotten a message from a coworker and I forgot to wash the pan and light the candle. Unless I’m on a call for work, I always go up (my office is in the basement) to greet her.

As I open the door I can see the look on her face, that she realizes that all too familiar smell and zooms right by me, ignoring me completely, and throws her stuff in the room and starts doing the dishes like a race. She didn’t yell or anything, but I’m someone who doesn’t need to hear a single word and can feel everything they’re thinking.

I’ve been a little upset about that since and she keeps blowing it off like no big deal. This is where I’m running into an issue with my thought process because it feels like I do a lot of compromising for her, but when it comes to me I’m just expected to deal with it.

She’s insisting that I need to buy an air fryer for the garage and cook those things out there. She has self-diagnosed herself with hyperosmia. I feel like I’ve already compromised a lot here: no deep frying, oven only, I’ve stopped making the foods that bother her nearly as often, I make sure to clean up directly after and do what I can to stop the smell from lingering (99% of the time).

I don’t feel that I should be forced to be in a cold garage to enjoy the foods I want as I’ve already made a lot of changes for her.

We’ve been together 15 years and this is something she has always complained about, but only had made it a serious thing more recently.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Although, why do the French fries smell in the oven? French fries are not smelly… what am I missing? Also, air fryers are just tiny ovens… You should get a Lampe Berger. The smell will be gone in 20 min. Much better than a candle.” quantumdreamqueen

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. You share a house, life, and child. Learn to communicate effectively with each other. If heating a serving of French fries in the oven for 20 minutes is making your whole house smell like French fries, then your oven needs to be cleaned. Sounds like there are smells trapped in fabrics, carpets, drapes, etc. that get reactivated the second you start cooking.

Close the kitchen off if possible while cooking so the smells don’t get everywhere, close the doors to all the other rooms, and get air purifiers for each room. I have asthma and am hyper-sensitive to smells. So we do those things. And you do things like shampoo carpets.

Have hardwood or tile floors where you can. Wash the drapes (or use blinds that can be wiped down). Always use the vent over the oven. If it’s ineffective then you install one that works. Work together so everyone can be comfortable in their own home.” Ok_Expression7723

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. For starters, French fries and fish sticks ‘to hold you over’?????? Either you are not supplying your kid with lunch or you don’t know about this amazing thing called snacks. Fish fingers and chips is a meal, your kid doesn’t need a second dinner when your wife gets home- unless this is the kid’s tea and then you’ll eat again with your wife later?

Seriously, snacks. Healthier ones that don’t smell. Or just clean up. Your wife didn’t shout or insult you, she just smelled something she finds disgusting and made it disappear without making a scene. You did something wrong, you messed up, you both know what happened but it’s not that serious unless you make a habit of doubting her and thinking she’s over-sensitive.” Lulubelle__007

“I’ve always paid more attention to my academic life than my physical healthcare, hated sports since I was a kid and like I’ve always been a skinny girl and eat balanced so I thought I didn’t have to take on exercise too much.

However, in these last few years, my mother has become an oncology patient and this made us all in our family care a lot more about our well-being. After some lab results it turns out I have lower bone density than I should so exercise is highly recommended to help prevent osteoporosis before I reach 25.

We live in an apartment complex and I have taken on going to the community gym where all the machines are, however, I can only go in if no one else is there. I just don’t like someone else being in the same room while I exercise it feels bad and it makes me uncomfortable; if there were a ton of people at least I could get lost in the crowd and do my own thing but it’s a small room for like 4 people max.

Today I was at the gym when my mom and stepdad arrived and wanted to exercise too, I wanted to get out but my mother wanted me to stay and I just refused. She gets angrier because she’s worried that I’m self-imposing an obstacle to better health, and says that I should just get over it.

I say that I already have to “get over” a ton of stuff to accommodate other people daily and that I’m entitled to wanting to exercise in private. She gets so mad that she just leaves for the apartment, I stay outside waiting for my stepdad to finish his session and then I go in.

I’m making this post because of the word: “entitled”. When you hear that word you picture whiny brats or jerk rich people who want the world to accommodate their selfish needs, and I don’t wanna go in that direction. But I just don’t like doing this sort of stuff in the present with someone else, let alone strangers, it makes me very uncomfortable, yet I made my mom upset because she worries about me and she genuinely wants to exercise with me which would make her happy for some reason.

Am I the jerk in this situation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “Entitled” would be if you demanded to anyone who comes into the gym that they leave immediately throwing a fit if they dare enter your space, or if you did something like lock the door and hang an occupied sign.

Entitled is when you say I’m doing this no matter what the rules are, what might be polite, or who it might inconvenience and the heck with everyone else. What you’re doing is saying you won’t interrupt others or make them change their plans you’ll just wait until they’re done.

The only person inconvenienced is you and if you’re comfortable waiting or coming back later that affects nobody.” AliceReadsThis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I don’t like to do exercises at home when my wife is home. Do you and I have social anxiety?

Maybe. I have found that it is less of a problem when we go to the gym. And not a problem when we go play hockey. So having found a circumstance that I can tolerate (the gym) I do that with her so she feels involved. That said, I put my earbuds in and ran the weight circuit ignoring everyone else in the gym.

Mostly including my wife. Walking between machines I wave/smile. But I don’t stop for chit-chat. This helps me by filtering out people as anything but obstacles between me and my next machine. It is tough having an introverted viewpoint in a world of extroverts.

They take it personally when you are quiet or alone. Finding coping mechanisms is going to be a big part of your life. Whether it is just workouts or everything to do with people interactions. Side note: In the last year, I had an arthritis flare-up in my hip.

I can’t play hockey. I can’t run. I can’t go on long walks. It SUCKS! Take care of your bones/joints now. It is MUCH easier to prevent than it is to fix later. I wish you the best!” OldGreyTroll

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Just to avoid ambiguity, you don’t have to exercise in front of anyone if you don’t want to, and it doesn’t make you a jerk.

However, there can be a lot of benefits to exercising with a ‘gym buddy’ (or ‘gym buddies’) – I was pretty self-conscious when I started going but if you find a nice gym then exercising with other people can push you to train more safely, frequently and comprehensively.

No shade if you want to do your own thing though.” TheVerboseBeaver

“My(28M) Sister(33F) is visiting me this week with her daughter/my niece (13F). I was excited to host them in my house as I haven’t seen my family much ever since I moved away from our home state for my career.

For context, I’m a lawyer at a large firm.

That means that I have to take work home often, which is why I have a room in my house set up as an office.

My office has privileged information about cases and clients.

Long story short, when my sister and niece arrived yesterday and after I helped them get settled in, I told them that there’s only one rule that I have for staying in my house: My office is off-limits.

Fast forward a few hours and everything’s fine and dandy, I’m just sitting on the couch with my sister, watching a movie, until I get a call from a senior associate at work asking me to do a quick review of a document that he sent me via email.

When I get upstairs, I see the door to my office is wide open, and the lights are on.

When I go in to investigate, my niece is in there sitting in my chair and taking selfies with her feet on my desk.

I was beyond furious,

I only have one rule for guests at my house, and it’s to stay out of my office. I have that rule for a reason. Not only would I be at risk of disbarment, but the integrity of the entire case would be jeopardized if any of that information was leaked.

While I’m not accusing her of that specifically, I just don’t want uninvolved people in my office taking pictures and posting them on social media where there may or may not be protected information given the camera.

I asked her what on earth she was doing, and she said, “I was just curious, I want to be a lawyer like you when I grow up.”

I told her “Get out and stay out you little jerk”.

My sister came running up the stairs after my niece started crying and she told me that I was a “monster” for “talking like that to a kid”

I told her that she had no business being in my office, and my sister said that it didn’t matter because “she’s just a kid”.

So,

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. A 13-year-old is old enough to understand that a certain room is off-limits and not go in there. But calling her a jerk was taking it way too far. As a lawyer, you should have a much better grip on handling stressful situations without losing your cool.

Lastly, why was she taking pictures of her feet? (Edit: OP has clarified that was poor phrasing. She was sitting with her feet up taking selfies.)” 0biterdicta

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, but mostly you. She knew she wasn’t supposed to be in there and went in anyway.

But you- You don’t talk that way to a child, period. You can’t be a very good lawyer because that’s peak unprofessionalism and not the way you handle that situation. Also, would it kill you to get a door with a lock if that stuff is so important?” pandemonium

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You were perfectly capable of conveying your disappointment at what she did, and how it was not ok without cussing out a 13yo and calling her a jerk. If they never visit you again and cut you off completely, it would not be out of line.

Be a better person, because right now you are way short of the mark for “acceptable adult behavior”.” OaktownPirate

“This person helped me out when I was starting as a tattooist myself, told me which machines would be best, helped me out with some drawing exercises and figuring out the basics of needles but that’s it, she never gave me a job or recommended me to a studio or clients.

About two months or so ago she asked me if I would be her canvas for a tattoo competition that’s happening in about a week, I talked to her to see what she had in mind, and she said she wanted to compete in the fine line category but didn’t have any ideas about the art yet, we talked a bit more and settled on a dragon with flowers, she seemed to like it, I helped her out by doing a sketch and sending it to her, she said she loved it and would work on it to make the final art.

Everything was fine and dandy until last week. She said she wasn’t comfortable with the dragon anymore and wanted to do something different, I suggested and harpy or just some florals to play it safe, and she said she would think about it. A few hours later she came back with reference pictures of tattoos with flowers, geometric designs, and mini realism, we talked again and I asked if she didn’t think that mixing all of those things might make her miss the focus on the final, she didn’t answer, instead, she kept on talking about how she wants to do a DaVinci inspired tattoo with monalisa, the vitruvian man, etc, which could be a good tattoo but has NOTHING to do with the first art we settled on and has nothing to do with anything I like or my style at all, I would never get a tattoo like the one she is planning of my own volition but since I already said I would be the canvas I feel compelled to let her tattoo me even if I hate the design because it’s so close to the competition, my partner is telling me to walk out, but I feel like it would be jerky on my part to do so, she still hasn’t even started a sketch of the art she is planning, I don’t know what to do.

Should I think it out and get it removed or covered up later or just walk out and risk losing a colleague?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She has gotten so focused on the competition and the art side of things that she has forgotten that you get a say in what goes on in your body.

Try having a serious discussion with her to remind her and if that doesn’t work just let her know that you aren’t comfortable with the change in circumstances that you never agreed upon.” Pauscha580

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She changed her mind a week before the competition.

She’s asking you to get a tattoo of something you aren’t wild about. If she can’t/won’t do what you originally agreed on, I don’t think you are being a jerk by saying the new design is not going on your body. You don’t need to take on the burden of fixing something you don’t want.

That being said, there is a polite way to do this, of course. Explain to her your concerns. If she stays focused on what she wants, you are nothing more than a canvas to her. If she is willing to work with you, I’d try to reach a resolution you are both happy with.” crimson-law

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You gave her a drawing that you both agreed on, and then she completely discarded that and selected something that you disliked. She’s a jerk for doing that and expecting you to get a tattoo you don’t want or like just so she can be in a contest. Tell her you dislike the design she’s chosen and don’t want it on your body, and that you both already agreed in your original drawing.” Ornery-Wasabi-473

“I 37f have been with my husband going on 10yrs.

The struggle is real with the baby mama drama: harassment, threats, not seeing stepdaughter, courts, police reports, etc. Finally about 5yrs ago everything started to cool down after I threatened to take her to court and a sheriff said she would do jail time for defamation, harassment, stalking and death threats.

My stepdaughter has been coming more and more and has even hinted on moving in. I have 2 girls of my own that my husband looks at as his own daughters and helps me raise them. My girls know no other father but him and we agreed to raise all 3grls with the same rules and consequences.

The girls are; mine-15 and 12, and his is 14. So we have all teens at home right now.

Recently I found some things on my daughter’s phone I found inappropriate and grounded her for a week with no phone. She was talking to people on TikTok.

She took her punishment and is now on probation at home with the phone which means I see it when I want and if she hesitates to give me the phone then she is grounded again. She was upset she got caught and threw her stepsister under the bus and said she was doing it too and talking to guys.

I told my husband it and he seemed upset but didn’t really say anything. I plan on doing the same by taking the phone and checking it when it’s her weekend. But if it’s true then I will have to take the phone away and it is the only form of communication we have with her and yes I pay for the phone.

If I do that and she has a fit then there is a possibility her mom might wake up from her drama-hibernation and start back up with the drama and I really don’t want the stress being 3 months pregnant. I’m conflicted but don’t want MY girls thinking I favor one over the other, when I can admit sometimes I look the other way with stepdaughter, like her grades.

She failing and has had no repercussions and mine get grounded or TV taken away. Or mine have chores and step only has her room. My kids are right: it’s not fair but it’s complicated. I know it’s wrong and for that I am a jerk.

The phone thing I just don’t know.”

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to go with no jerks here and suggest moving forward with caution. Your daughter intentionally shared this information to get her in trouble, not because she was worried and concerned. You don’t even know if this is true or not.

Taking the phone and searching it is extremely invasive. If what your daughter said isn’t true and you go through her phone? You are absolutely going to break that trust.” HauntedReader

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – not your phone, not your kid. All you will get is a flare-up of the hate.

You and your husband have to be on the same page for discipline, and I can pretty much guarantee if the punishments don’t come from him, it’s not gonna go well.” deckyon

Another User Comments:

“This is a tough situation all around so I don’t think you’d be the jerk if you went either route.

Although this situation brings up something concerning you might want to talk to the girls about. There seems to be a tit-for-tat mentality with your girls and they shouldn’t be throwing step-sister under the bus because they got a consequence for an action they were caught doing.

It sounds like your daughter is trying to create a hierarchy which isn’t healthy for anyone in the house.” Stardust_Shinah

“I (15f) yelled at my dad after he discovered my piercings and freaked out that I didn’t ask for permission.

For context, my mum and dad are divorced. I live with my mum and see my dad for 1-2 days a month. I’ve never really gotten along with my dad because he was unfaithful to my mum when I was a baby and then married the woman he was unfaithful with.

I do love my dad but he isn’t involved in a lot of my mum’s decisions because when my parents divorced, they both decided my mum would get full custody and he could see me and my sister (18f) whenever.

My sister has tons of piercings (23 I believe).

Because my sister got so many piercings at around my age, I was allowed to get the same piercings as the piercings she got at my age. For example, my sister got her septum done when she was 13, so I did too. My sister has always been my dad’s favourite, so no matter how she dressed, what piercings she got, clothes she wore or colour she dyed her hair – she would never get even a snarky comment.

Well I have 5 piercings currently. My ear lobes, septum, belly button and most recently my tongue. Now it’s easy to hide a septum piercing, you just flip it up. But a year ago my dad saw my belly button piercing and freaked out and called my mum to confirm I was allowed to get it done, my mum confirmed and stated she’s my primary parent and will make the decisions.

Two days ago, I got my tongue pierced – and if you don’t know about tongue piercings, they swell up like crazy after you get them done. I saw my dad yesterday. He noticed my tongue piercing and started screaming, saying that I’ve ruined my body.

I yelled back and explained how my sister had the same piercings as me when she was my age and that a piece of metal in my body doesn’t affect my looks completely. I then proceeded to tell him he has no rights to any opinions on my looks (for example when he yelled at me for dying my blonde hair brown then yelled when I bleached it back to blonde).

I don’t know if I was in the wrong for telling him he doesn’t have a right to my decisions and claiming he favours my sister.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and screaming at a child for their decisions isn’t the way to be an effective parent.

HOWEVER there is a reason piercings and tattoos require parental approval. While not that big a deal they are a commitment both in their care and permanent mark they make on your body. “My sister got it too” isn’t a good comeback. After he’s calmed down, talk to your dad about why these expressions mean something to you.

You don’t need his permission as Mom is your primary parent, but maybe if he understood you were getting them with intention and because you really love the art of them, he may not feel like you’re a kid eager to plug a bunch of holes in your body to keep up with your sibling.” ConfusionOne241

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I do think your mom is wildly irresponsible for letting her children make insane body mods like tongue piercings. I get dyeing hair, I understand a few piercings, in the name of self-expression and autonomy but this is bonkers.” KartlindWitch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you should definitely talk to your dad after y’all have calmed down. And maybe consider if the two of you need counseling of some sort (e.g. therapy). To an outsider (me) with no other information, and based on this one post, it sounds like there are unresolved issues stemming from the divorce (his unfaithfulness, your sister’s past resulting in your feelings of favoritism)” RedditDummyAccount

“I’m (25M) currently the only child of my Dad (43) and Mom (42) as the result of teen pregnancy in high school. They grew up in a small town that very few people get out of and my mom was the quintessential popular girl and my dad the smart guy that should’ve gotten out.

As you can imagine, becoming parents at 17 was not easy for them, but I truly believe they did the best they could. However their relationship was always challenging, my Mom was happy to stay in her hometown but my Dad had always hoped for more.

We never really became a “normal nuclear family”, Dad never married my Mom, they lived apart, and I never had siblings, all of which is an especially sore point for my mother. He’s still an amazing father, I always felt he was there for me, and even though some nights I knew he was dog-tired he would still patiently teach me physics.

He provided for my Mom and me, doing back-breaking work to now owning his own construction company, dude paid for my college in full. He told me that any college I could get into, he would sponsor my ambitions.

A couple of years ago, my Dad met Anne (33F) who used to be my mentor during my college internship, and now job.

My Mom has not been handling any of this well, she accused my father of trying to replace her with a new stepmom for me, despite that I was almost 20 at the time when Dad and Anne met. When Dad and Anne got engaged and married, Mom accused Anne of stealing her life.

When they moved out of state to their dream home, Mom accused Anne of being a gold digger. Last month, I found out that Dad & Anne are 4 months pregnant with a girl. Mom found out last week and has been inconsolable. I’m trying to be empathetic, but her reaction has been so out of proportion, accusing Anne of stealing my inheritance.

I’ve listened to her for the last 4 years, playing armchair therapist for her issues with Dad, but yesterday I finally hit my limit and told Mom that she needed to move on from her issues with Dad and find a purpose outside of trying to build a life with him because it wasn’t going to happen.

Am I the jerk for being frustrated and saying that to her?”

​Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I think that was the nicest possible thing you could have said to her. She is wasting a lot of time with blatant envy when she is still freaking young and can go do as she wants right now.

Live your life, you’re not her support animal. (I stole that last part from another post here because it just works so well).” NotTheMama4208

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s clear that for as long as you can remember Dad has only been interested in co-parenting as separated households.

And he waited until you were independent before fully committing to a woman. That’s going to hurt your mom, but she’s had decades to grieve a relationship which never really existed.” rebootsaresuchapain

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I’m the daughter of a teen mom.

I’m going to be blunt. Your mom never matured past the age she had you. She is forever going to be stuck in that teen girl mindset. Did she go to school? Have a career? She never married? She lived a very small and narrow immature life and you need to stop being her emotional dumping ground.

She needs to grow up and get her life together. Take a step back from interacting with her and see if it improves your mental well-being.” geekgirlwww

“On New Year’s Eve, we had a small party. While we were spread around the house enjoying ourselves, my mom decided to give our 4 dogs some hot dog pieces, including our 2-month-old puppy named Panda, who is a toy poodle mix.

I was just watching him from afar (had a bad feeling) when I saw him practically inhale the hot dog piece and immediately started to stumble back and scream in distress.

I yelled “He’s choking!” and rushed towards him in an instant and started to give him the puppy version of the Heimlich maneuver whilst also holding him facing down so that gravity would hopefully help. My mother was also by my side trying to help (she’s an RN) by trying to get the food out of Panda’s mouth with her finger.

Here is where I might be the jerk: My older sister was watching from the side and offered some advice, saying “What if you give him some water?” I, being in a panicked/distracted state after seeing foam come out of his mouth, kept working while I looked at my sister and said “That won’t work.

He’s choking. The food is stuck. You can’t get things down his throat right now” in a serious tone.

I turn back to Panda and hear my sister say “Well you don’t have to be such a jerk about it.” I ignored her and continued to squeeze my puppy when the hot dog piece finally rose to a point where my mom could scoop it out (it was huge).

I was shaking when he was able to breathe again. I held him close to me and held back tears. My mom said she saw the light in his eyes slowly fading before we got the piece out and it scared me.

The rest of the night, my sister was not as friendly towards me and I was kind of annoyed at her for treating the situation lightly (rolled her eyes at me as I comforted Panda afterward) but I felt bad at how I responded towards her.

My mom and older brother agree that it was an emergency and during stressful situations you can’t respond well or consider people’s feelings since it’s not the priority (Panda was dying). But my mom also says I should have given her a better response since she was only trying to help.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Somebody needs to gift my sister with a first aid book. She asked. You answered her what if. I had it to happen with a pom with a hunk of cheese. Saw her struggling on the floor. And I reached in her mouth to get it.

And after that make sure smaller size pieces. Some will gulp and not chew. Sister needs to stop pouting. And nobody needs to tell you what you should have done in speaking to her. Pray you never need her help with first aid.” pensaha

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, OP. Your dog was dying in your arms and your sister is mad at you for how you spoke to her while *trying to save your dying puppy*? What did she expect, for you to be all sweetness and sugar? Any distraction could have easily cost Panda his life and she’s mad that you were worried and focused on saving him.

Sorry, but you don’t owe your sister anything. It was a life or death situation for your dog, your focus needed to be on him not on how your voice sounded. Also, I am so glad he’s okay. That had to be a scary situation for you and him, so I also hope that you’re doing okay after this.” Anon_457

Another User Comments:

“You were rude and dismissive? And you questioned her intellect too? I understand you were managing a crisis. But, your sister was the one you got upset with. Sincerely apologize if you want things to go back to the way they used to be.

When we make mistakes, doubling down on self-righteousness rarely makes coexisting peaceful. The emergency is past. It’s what you do now that impacts your ongoing relationship. No jerks here. Just be civil with each other and considerate in the future. I married a doctor and I know from personal experience no one has to be nasty to get the job done.

Emergencies don’t make us uncivilized – our attitudes do.” AndSoItGoes24

“I (27F) asked my husband (27M) to grocery shop instead of me because I was tired. Every week for the last couple of years we have been married, I grocery shop on Sunday so that I can cook and prep meals for the week as I am also in charge of meal planning for the household.

This week, we were sitting on the couch watching the football game and I asked him if he would grocery shop for me and he asked me why. I said because I was tired. His response was “go tomorrow” and I can’t because of work and gym, so by the time I get home and cook, it would be after 9:00 pm.

He then countered with – we can eat out this week instead of groceries. I don’t want to eat out because it is very expensive. I asked him “Why can’t you go for me this week since I go every other time?”

He flew off the handle!

He said that “Because you asked me this question, I will NEVER go grocery shopping in the future. Why is it my job to grocery shop when you are too tired? I said I will order food for the week. How could you even ask me this question?”

I explained to him that while this chore is usually my responsibility, I am asking him to help me. I reminded him that we are partners. When he is tired and asks me to help him with something, I do it without question. I am simply asking for his help this week.

He then countered with “From now on then, I will buy only my groceries and you will buy yours. You will never have to buy or cook for me again.” I explained to him that “I don’t mind doing the groceries and cooking, but today I am more tired than normal and that if one of us doesn’t then we won’t have food for the week.

It’s important that we eat.” All he did was kiss his lips.

I stand up and put my shoes on to go to the store. (He had given me his card early this morning before church so that I could go later. He pays for all the groceries while I handle some of the other bills.) He says “Give me my card.

You can stay here. I will order us food this week, and if you want to eat something else then you can go buy it.”

So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ How did this go from 0 to messed up so fast? What happens when you’re sick?

Yes, many couples on this site write about the division of chores, money, etc, but there has to be flexibility for a marriage to work. His anger and ridiculous rush to extremes (we’ll all buy and cook our own food now??? How childish) is a big ol’ red flag.” debdnow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He massively overreacted. However, I would take him up on the “you’ll never have to buy or cook food for me again” and see how long that lasts. How is the division of household labor (including planning, gift giving, bill paying, car maintenance, outdoor chores, vacation planning etc) otherwise?

You may need to have a much larger conversation. The update doesn’t help. He is very likely feeling guilty about not doing his fair share and lashing out. The bare minimum you need to have the housework and mental load discussion.” C_Majuscula

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your husband is absolutely. You can’t even have a conversation with him without him seemingly flying off in anger. Did you sign a contract that you would always grocery shop and cook for you both in blood or something? Let him deal with his own food as he’s suggested. Maybe his idea will backfire on him and he’ll realize his response was irrational.” ParsimoniousSalad

“We were dining at a restaurant and discussing career progression and salary growth etc. My partner is a lawyer who has 1 year of Post-Qualified Experience (PQE) after admission to the law society etc.

He was saying he makes 120k a year now (please ignore country, currency, etc), and he thinks his senior in the rank of “Special Counsel” (for reference I think the position is similar to a VP in a bank) makes $400k a year. I said it sounds like a lot.

I talked to my other friends who are in the workforce (non-legal background in other sectors) and they think lawyers don’t make that much in our country. I also said maybe they don’t make that much, $300k is a realistic assumption.

I then went on to say that being in the Special Counsel rank means they have been in the industry for around 10 years or 10 years post-qualification.

Assuming they start from around $120k a year, and get a $10k bump every year or slightly more, then it will be circa $300k a year.

My partner started getting annoyed with the number and he insisted it’s 400k a year and said a 10% raise per year is realistic.

I expressed again that sounds like a lot.

We then debated for a while and he took various colleagues’ salaries (in different ranks, not Special Counsel) as an example to extrapolate the salary progression, etc.

He got increasingly annoyed throughout and he started shouting at me, saying

1) I am deflating lawyers’ value, I don’t appreciate them, etc

2) I should never say that they won’t make that much, because that implies I don’t believe they deserve that much

3) I should not tell him what my other friends think Lawyers make because they are not working in the industry and have no clue

To be honest I didn’t even think about lawyers’ value and whatnot when discussing this, I think that was a very far stretch. He also hinted that this hurts his ego because I am making more money but don’t have to put in hard work like he does etc. I also had no intention to undermine their value/social status etc I was just trying to be realistic when estimating salaries.

However, later that night I did a quick math check to confirm 10% per annum raise would land a salary of $300k+ after 10 years, which 10% raise p.a. is not uncommon in the industry/country I guess.

He got so upset and we didn’t talk for a night.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ Based on the info I’m assuming you’re Australian. If so, you’re wrong and your partner’s estimates are closer. A lot of barristers and SCs make way more than $400k. Not that this necessarily reflects their “value” – it’s more because they charge like wounded bulls to the extent the legal industry is arguably predatory upon people in need of advocacy.” Sweeper1985

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Having worked for lawyers for 25+ years this proves you do not understand the industry by the assumptions and hasty generalizations made.” NotAtAllExciting

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your partner’s rebuttals are frankly kind of silly, and he shouldn’t have shouted at you.

But it is extremely annoying when you mention a fact or understanding and someone who has less familiarity with the topic tries to correct you.” 0biterdicta

“My roommate is a very anxious person when it comes to the state of the house.

I believe it is bordering OCD, because I have never seen someone as particular as she is. To put it plainly, she expects it to look like a showroom 100% of the time. If a blanket is placed folded on the couch she will move it to the bin, if my purse is on the counter for an hour she will move it to my room, if my charger is plugged into an outlet in the living room for a day she will unplug it and move it to my room, if my jacket is hung on the dining room chair she will put it on my bed. I don’t understand it but tried not to let it get to me and just keep my things in my own room for the most part.

We didn’t have a proper conversation on cleaning standards when we first moved in, but we created a chore chart for the three roommates and I just assumed everyone be an adult and reasonably clean their assigned space for the week. I’ve never had previous roommates complain about my cleanliness habits so I didn’t think we would run into any issues.

We all do our dishes immediately, wipe down the counters after each use, and generally pick up after ourselves. I thought we were all doing our chores/ getting along fine and one day she hangs up this detailed chore checklist without a word. The next day, she goes “cleaning is a priority to me and we all do things differently so we should have a set of standards we all follow.” My issue with this is she didn’t bother getting my or my other roommate’s opinion on what that standard should be.

Just decided that her “rules” are law. The sheet details everything down to what cleaning products to use where and steps on which order to do things in. It is very controlling and suffocating. My opinion is that if you want something done a particular way, that’s something you need to take care of yourself.

The micromanaging is really getting to me and makes me not want to be around her or at home. I feel like a guest in a house I pay rent at! I move out in 6 months so wondering if I should speak up or just lay low.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ You’re under no obligation to follow her rules. She sounds like a self-elected queen here. She has no power to make you follow the rules she decided on. I think you need to spend the next six months practicing the art of ignoring her.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Based on what you’re telling us, you have a very healthy and reasonable view on this. You’re willing to do some fairly divided work and keep things pretty tidy. The other roommates seem to be on the same page.

If you were some kind of slob or if she had an allergy to a particular cleaning product she was asking you all to avoid it might be different, but she has no right to impose some kind of nutsy cleaning regime on everybody unilaterally.” AdamOnFirst

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need to put your foot down to her. Tell her to leave her hands off your stuff for starters. You pay to live there. You have the right to leave your charger out, to leave your jacket on the chair.

If she doesn’t like it she needs to learn to live with it. She has absolutely no business touching your belongings. She’ll only get worse if you continue to let her trample over your right to use the home too. “She hangs up this detailed chore checklist without a word.” Next time crumple it up and throw it away.

She has no right to assign chores. She’s not your parent and she’s not paying the majority of the rent.” ravenflavin77

“I work for a reptile sanctuary, a recent hire. I will keep this relatively short. We had a woman try to adopt a ball python from us. We interview all potential adopters in person before allowing them to adopt any animals. We conducted a thorough interview in person, and everything checked out – she seemed very nice and indicated she had experience with animals in the past. For all intents and purposes, she seemed to be an ideal caretaker for a snake.

Due to a scheduling conflict, she requested that we bring the python (named Goldblum) out to her, along with his enclosure that came with him for free. We agreed so I made the thirty-minute drive.

When I got to her house, I was shocked to see it was in serious disrepair.

The conditions were unbelievable, and I grew up in a hoarding house, so I am somewhat desensitized to these conditions. It did not seem to be an appropriate environment for a child, let alone a reptile with special requirements. It was packed floor to ceiling with garbage, rodent feces (from what I could tell) and there was a cat there that appeared to be malnourished (should I call somebody about this?).

There was also trash spilling into the lawn and it was even visible from outside of the windows.

The issue is, the area that she wanted to place Goldblum was, while not completely clear of trash, less dirty than the rest of the house and there was somewhat of a dedicated space for his enclosure.

I let her know that we would need to hold Goldblum until she was able to provide a cleaner space for him. She started crying and told me that it wasn’t that easy. She eventually let us know she could not do it and we refunded her in full.

I confirmed with my supervisor that I did the right thing, but I am having trouble getting her crying out of my mind. I know hoarding is a serious medical condition. She had technically cleaned out a space to house the reptile to the best of her ability.

I feel really sad for her, but I also care for Goldblum and want him to be safe.

I am conflicted and really sad. Did I do the right thing here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Don’t pay any mind to her tears. She didn’t need a snake.

She clearly can’t take care of her cat, her home, or herself. Her tears were possibly an attempt to manipulate you into giving the snake to her, or guilt for recognizing that she has a problem. I’d report her to adult social services.

And in the future, it would be wise if the rescue you’re affiliated with insists on home visits prior to approval. Sorry you had to be a part of this, but you 100% did the right thing.” effie-sue

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Of course you did the right thing.

How long would it have been before the snake was in the same condition as the cat. And yes you should call the city and animal control for the conditions of the house and cat.” Interesting_You_2315

“My husband (32M) and I (31F) live in a modest 3 bed 2 bath house. We don’t have kids so it’s just the 2 of us and our dog. We’ve had the house for years now and have designated personal spots in the house. The biggest bedroom is our room, the medium-sized bedroom is a guest room and my husband uses the dresser in it for his clothes.

And the smallest of the bedrooms is my husband’s room- a man cave, one may call it.

We also have a “sunroom” which for the most part has been dedicated as mine. It’s a bit of a larger space and is our means to the backyard.

We use it a lot for entertaining but I took control of the decor and the vibe of the room. About a third of the room I have made into a little yoga/pilates studio. I have plants everywhere and all of my equipment is coordinated to the decor- a great little zen spot if I do say so myself.

And the other 2/3s of the room has a sofa and a table and the door to the back yard.

My husband’s family has a traveling Peloton bike. It’s been with his parents, then to us, then with his brother and now it’s traveling back to us.

I personally don’t like it but my husband thinks it’s a good workout. Anyway, he says he’s going to put it in the sunroom. I told him no and said he could put it in the guest room, his room or the garage.

He says that the sunroom has the most space for it and it’s the nicest room in the house so it will be nice for him to work out in there.

Now for those of you who have seen a Peloton bike in person, they aren’t the sleekest. It’s big and clunky and black and 1.

Does not fit the bright, light natural sanctuary I made the room to be and 2. The space he wants to put it in is awkwardly right in the middle of the room blocking the path to the back door. And since we’ve had it before I know what it looks like and the inconvenient space it takes up (which is part of the reason we gave it away the first time).

It’s not like I said he couldn’t put it in the house at all, I gave him other option.

So AITJ for not letting my husband put a peloton in our sunroom?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He has a room designated “his man cave” – why can’t it go in there?

It sounds like you’ve divided the house, he has the man cave you have the sun room. Offer him to take the sunroom if you can have the man cave, and switch the furniture. See what his reaction is then.” SaintAnyanka

Another User Comments:

“NTJ This isn’t about “what’s the best use of this room.” It’s about “where are we allowed to have our own spaces.” He’s spread out to two other bedrooms. He even has an entire room to himself (the mancave) You want a space for communal living.

That’s having friends over and having a yoga space (yoga is often a group activity). What it isn’t is a giant black block that’s for staring at a screen and blocking out the rest of the world.” Fanclock314

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. People need their personal space, some more than others.

If you have a personal space that you’ve made your own, it should be respected. Just like his man cave. Suggest to him that if he puts the Peleton in your space, you’ll need to store some bright pink yoga mats and a few random other things in his space.

The conversation should resolve itself pretty quickly after that.” canada11235813

Another User Comments:

“NJH but you guys need to seriously just talk it out and find a solution, it’s really not that hard, especially when there’s barely any actual conflict, and I mean this with zero offense.

I say all of that because I understand both sides, which is why this is perfect for a compromise. He wants to put the Peloton in the sunroom because thematically, it is a room you work out in. You have your yoga/pilates space that you designed yourself, and if a Peloton *can* fit, he’s thinking it might be a good spot.

That said, if you’ve designed it to be coordinated with everything else, then I can also understand why something that doesn’t fit the aesthetic would be something you wouldn’t want in your room. If it doesn’t sound like he’s coming into this situation demanding that the Peloton go in the sunroom, he’s likely just thinking that it’s a piece of workout equipment, and this is where we work out, so naturally, it makes sense to go here.

That’s when you come in and say “Hey listen, I understand that it makes some sense to put the workout equipment in the workout room, but I think it’ll take up too much space. The guest room seems like a decent place though because the only time we use that room is when guests are over.

Would you be okay with that, and we can add some additional workout aesthetic to make it feel like less of a guest room and more of *your* place to work out?” Or something like that. Offer to help him make it his own so you can keep your space the way *you* want it.” lookalive07

“So my (23F) partner (25M) and I have always talked about doing a week-long road trip up the northwest coast of our state. We decided that right after Christmas would be the perfect time because the weather would be good and neither of us would have to worry about taking time off work.

While we were planning the rest of the logistics, he mentioned to me that his best friend, James, had previously expressed interest in doing the same trip and that it might be fun to have a few more people come. I agreed and so we reached out to a few of our friends who we thought would be interested. There ended up being 6 people that joined including a mix of his friends, my friends, and mutual friends.

Everyone who went had met each other before and got along well, so we were all excited about the trip.

Now one of my friends, Kate, also would have enjoyed this sort of thing. However, she used to be in a relationship with James, and I thought that having both of them accompany us would make it a bit awkward and uncomfortable for everyone else, so I didn’t invite her or tell her about it.

I figured we could do a similar girls’ trip later down the track instead.

We returned a couple of days ago and had a really good time. Everything went smoothly and everyone enjoyed themselves. I reached out to Kate today and asked to meet up with her for a coffee, where I planned on putting forward the idea of our girl’s trip.

She told me that she had no interest in spending any time with me, and I made it very clear that I would rather hang out with her ex than go out with her. She found out about the trip somehow (I’m not sure who thought, none of us posted anything on social media) and said that now that I’ve chosen her ex over her she sees no need to continue her friendship with me.

We’ve known each other since the start of high school, and she and James did not have a messy breakup or anything, no infidelity or anything like that, just a massive clash of personalities. And as long as James and my partner are still friends he will always be a part of my life.

I’m not sure if I’m in the wrong here or not. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Well, first of all, she’s right. You did make it clear where she falls on your list. If the breakup was amicable, why couldn’t you just be straightforward about it with both of them?

You could have asked James first, then spoken to her about it. OR you could have even mentioned it to her beforehand ‘he’s my partner’s BFF, and it’s awkward so we can do something together later’ For me, the worst part is hearing about it from someone else.” Spare-Article-396

Another User Comments:

“YTJ…You decide on your own how people would feel and act. As an adult, why didn’t you consult the people involved? Of course, she found out, and of course, it looks like Kate’s friendship doesn’t matter to you. How you didn’t see all of this before the trip is astounding and concerning.

Either that or Kate’s friendship isn’t THAT important to you, in which case be honest with yourself.” RoyallyOakie

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You could have invited her and given her the choice to opt out if she thought things would be awkward. Y’know, give them the chance to be adults about it.

But as it is, going with her ex and not inviting her does make it appear that he’s more important to your friend group. She missed out on a pretty fun trip *just because* she’s his ex, and that’s not fair.” fckinsleepless

Another User Comments:

“I think NTJ, while it’s true you probably should have given her the heads up/ warning prior, I agree with your reasoning. It was more your BF’s and his best friend’s trip than it was yours. You were along for the ride.

You have a friend group, so of course some came along. If the roles were reversed, and Kate and you had planned a trip, you wouldn’t have invited James. I think she is being dramatic and causing issues on purpose. She feels left out and is hurt, but that happens sometimes.

It’s not always fair, but I think you and your bf have been handling things as fairly as you can. She is the one being unreasonable and overblowing this whole situation. You didn’t kill this friendship, she is choosing to. Which is fine, it’s her choice.” BigNathaniel69

“I (37f) and husband (37m) have been married for 10 years and have 3 children. Every summer, my family takes a vacation to the beach. I’m not a huge beach fan, but our kids LOVE it, my mom pays for me and my siblings and our families, so it’s almost a free trip (excluding travel there, which usually isn’t a huge cost).

Some years only some of my family makes it, but a few years ago my entire family (50+ people) went on a last trip with my grandma. Husband HATES the beach, but reluctantly went with us.

His behavior was HORRENDOUS. He wouldn’t leave the condo, bailed on previously booked activities that made the cost go up for others and didn’t help AT ALL with our kids.

It was basically like he wasn’t there, and when he was, he was complaining the whole time. I was so embarrassed. My whole family gave me pitying stares the whole time and tried to help me as best they could, but it was just a miserable time.

Our daughters begged him to play on the beach with them and he just wouldn’t engage at all.

Since then, he hasn’t accompanied us back. He will only go on vacations with us if it is a place of his choosing. Which is usually hiking.

Don’t get me wrong, I like to hike, but I’d also like to do other things. And so would the kids.

Now on to the part where I called him selfish.

We are now planning our trip for this summer to the beach, and once again, he says he will not go.

The kids are devastated again because they want him to go so they can swim together and build sandcastles together. He says he just hates the beach and there’s no changing his mind.

I got frustrated and called him selfish because he never wanted to do anything that the kids enjoyed. He said I was being a jerk and there was nothing I could do that would make him like the beach.

I told him it’s not about liking the beach, it’s about spending time with his family. He says we could skip it and go hiking instead if we want to spend time together. So I said we wouldn’t be going on any more of his vacations.

Now I feel guilty since that was the one thing he would do with us. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I’m so curious about whole adults (with children!) who, apparently, never got the “sometimes you have to do things that you don’t like and be a good sport about it” lesson growing up.

He sounds like a child, I’m sorry for those kids that he refuses to try and suck it up every so often for them. My dad was like that, put me in a weird mindset where I decided what I liked wasn’t worth anything if everyone else wasn’t on board.

Needed to do lots of therapy to figure that out.” DeadGodJess

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I don’t like Peppa Pig but I put up with the whingey little character! I really don’t like playing Barbie but I sure put on the silly voices and played Barbie Dream House I don’t like football and I dislike wet muddy fields at 9 am on a Sunday but I stood there in the rain and cheered my kid on!

You do things you don’t like because that’s what being a parent is!! Keep being a top mum and let your kids grow up with no good memories of dad doing things they like with them because he is indeed a selfish person” Abject-Strawberry525

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He won’t go on vacation with you and his children unless it’s what HE wants to do. What a baby. I do not like the beach. But it’s not about the beach. It’s about making memories with you and your kids.

If he were able to get his head out of his long enough, he would be able to figure out how to enjoy being with you guys even if the location isn’t HIS choice. He is being selfish.” oneblessedmess

“I (28f) and my husband (32M) have been together for almost 3 years. I’ve gotten to know his friends, family, and his co-workers. I have been to many family events and office celebrations/parties. But there is one lady in my husband’s department that I think he is too comfortable with.

There was an office party a few weeks ago just for the appreciation of workers there as I was told, me and my husband reached the building. Then, since I know many of his co-workers I started talking to them and it took me a while to realize my husband was gone.

I tried looking for him but no luck. Then, I found him drinking with a girl I’d never seen before. They were also weirdly close to each other like he had his arms around her waist when they were sat together, obviously, I questioned what was going on but my husband said that he was just talking and getting to know the new coworker he had.

And oddly he kept trying to get rid of me, at least in my head. He kept saying “Hey, look [co-worker] is alone maybe go talk to him/her” or “How about you look around?” Which doesn’t make sense as I’ve been there before and I already have seen it before.

I tried talking to him about it on the car ride home but he said I was being “crazy, paranoid and jealous” which I don’t think I was. But he has been my husband for a long time, and once like a few days ago he had forgotten his lunch, so I went to drop it off at his office (I have access because he is the boss, otherwise visitors are not allowed.) but there I saw them hugging each other and later when they let go, they held hands.

I again asked him about this and he said it was “normal etiquette” to greet someone or something along the lines of that.

I feel so conflicted right now, should I trust him? Or not? My gut says no but my heart says otherwise. I’d appreciate some third-party point of view in this, as I think if something was truly going on the coworkers or I should say friends, would tell me.

But I just feel something’s wrong but I just don’t know how and what. He always becomes so defensive when I bring up the female coworkers.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That man is being unfaithful to you. And the new girl is fully complicit. Not only that, but he’s her boss.

Gross. Don’t let any person tell you that hugging and handholding is appropriate workplace etiquette. There should be almost zero physical interaction, outside of a handshake or maybe a clap on the back.” Background-Interview

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Trust your gut. It is not normal to hug and hand-hold with employees or sit with an arm around their waist. He’s either being unfaithful or trying to.

I’m just assuming he’s not some weirdly overly affectionate guy that hugs and hand-holds and cuddles up to literally everyone in the office, including male employees and women he has no attraction to? Greets all of them with hugs? Holds hand, puts arms around the new male employee’s waist?

Seriously, don’t disrespect yourself by staying with this man. You know what you’re seeing, it’s exactly what it looks like.” Invisible-Jane

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. If you can’t socialize, stop going to his parties. And: STOP CAUSING drama at his job events, or he will need to stop taking you along.

Either trust him or end the relationship. Your jealousy is impacting his work environment.” Excellent-Count4009

“My ex-husband (David) and I were married for 5 years and last year we divorced. We have one daughter (Lily) who recently turned 7 this year.

Lily’s birthday was around the corner so I was busy with decorations, the cake, and the invitations. I asked her who she wanted to attend her birthday party and she said she wanted her aunts, uncles, cousins everyone she knew from both sides.

I wasn’t bothered by Lily inviting anyone from her father’s side because we were both familiar and comfortable with them. I called David and I told him about the invitations and he was cool with it until he bought up his wife. He told me that he would bring his wife, he didn’t ask me, he told me like he was forcing it because he knew I would say no and I did say no.

I told them that I was not comfortable with his wife especially her meeting Lily and Lily doesn’t even know her that much and I haven’t even had a proper talk with her before she can see my daughter. The only thing I knew about this lady was that she did something wrong with my husband knowing very well he’s married and has a daughter and I was supposed to feel comfortable with that.

He then told me that I was making this about me and not Lily, that Lily is a child, she doesn’t even know anything yet and he wants Lily to meet his wife and she also wants to meet her. I said to him that if she wanted to meet Lily then she had to speak to me first and see how she was before I could trust her with my baby.

He replied to me by saying that I was jealous that I didn’t want Lily to see her new family and be comfortable with them and that I was hurting his wife because I wouldn’t let her see her stepdaughter who is like her own daughter.

I was done with him and told him if he didn’t want to come then it’s fine it’s not like he paid a single dime for anything for the birthday party and he was crazy for me to say yes to a woman who ruined my marriage and is the reason why my daughter has to grow up with separated parents.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. This is a party you are throwing, that you are willing to invite your ex and his family to, the purpose of which is to celebrate Lily’s birthday. I think he’s a total jerk for trying to turn his own daughter’s party, which you are funding, into some sort of coming-out party for his new marriage.

He needs to come along to this. That said, you seem to be sticking your head in the sand, here. Lily will need to meet the new wife eventually. I know you feel she wrecked your marriage (I would argue your husband had a bigger role in that), but you’re not doing yourself or your daughter any favors by starting things off so acrimoniously.

Make a solid plan with your ex for how the new wife will be introduced after Lily’s birthday.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“You’re not the jerk. I love how people will accuse you of the exact thing they’re doing. He’s making this about himself and his new wife, not about Lily.

If he wanted the new wife to meet Lily, you’d already have vetted her and she’d have a chance not on her birthday. Does he think that your daughter’s birthday party is the place to pull the pin on that grenade? I know you’re still probably hurting…but he doesn’t sound like he’s all that smart.” Mericlese

Another User Comments:

“You’re the jerk your story changes from barely knows stepmom to meet her….  Unless this is the first time they would meet then he’s right. You are refusing because you feel he told you vs asking you. You are making it a power play.

Don’t do that. I know it’s hard but be a bigger person and encourage everyone that loves and cares about your daughter to attend. ” Such_Average_453