People Agonize Over Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations

“My son Robbie (25M) got married to my amazing DIL Ella (25F) last year. They met and started seeing each other in college and Robbie brought Ella home that first Christmas they were together and she became part of the family immediately. She opened up to me on a couple of occasions pre-wedding that her family was not the greatest people and that she had a very difficult relationship with them.

Ella’s parents were incredibly hard on her, my son even mentioned being shocked at how they spoke to Ella sometimes. They also put themselves before Ella. I saw their treatment of her firsthand at the wedding. It was disgusting.

Something Ella truly loves is chocolate fudge cake.

She never got to have it while her parents were present because neither of them likes chocolate. They wouldn’t even allow her a chocolate cake for her birthday. It was always their favorite red velvet cake that was decorated like it belonged to a grownup and not a child.

Even after Ella flew the nest she felt pressured to conform and get a red velvet cake for her birthday. Robbie encouraged her to get the cake she wanted. But she would always tell him it wasn’t worth the fight.

I always loved baking and baking for my family is something very near and dear to me.

I always try to make a chocolate fudge cake for Ella because of her love for them. She has always said they’re her favorite because they’re made with love and she appreciates that more than anything.

So Ella turned 25 last weekend and she had a party with both her family and ours and friends.

Robbie was upset on her behalf that Ella was being pressured into the red velvet cake again by her parents. So I stepped in and asked Ella if she would be okay with me making her cake and I told her I would be making her cake.

The chocolate fudge cake she loves so much. She wasn’t sure at first. But then she told me she’d love that. I told her that she can blame me 100% if her parents complain. I also added that she deserves better than being treated that way.

I made her the chocolate fudge cake. Ella was so happy. Her parents were not. I immediately intervened when I saw they were about to scold Ella for her cake and I told them I had made it and I had wanted it to be Ella’s favorite.

They asked me who I thought I was and told me their daughter always had red velvet birthday cakes and that is how it was supposed to be. They huffed and puffed like children for the rest of the party and then I got a few text messages from them with complaints about my actions.

Ella also didn’t escape their anger. She told me it was not my fault but she admitted she was having a hard time dealing with the fallout. Robbie was able to encourage Ella to start some therapy so she could learn how to navigate things with her parents better.

So she’s hunting for one as I type this.

Her parents have not let up and they are being so unreasonable. They are also still furious with me. Their anger at Ella is where my guilt comes in and where I have to ask, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I’m glad Ella is seeking therapy. She will need lots of support to work through issues regarding her parents. I’m also very glad that you are so kind and loving. The simple act of baking her favorite cake provides a model of how a loving family is supposed to act.

If you had made a red velvet cake would Ella be seeking the therapy she needs? Would she so clearly see the difference between controlling, abusive behavior and the actions of a loving and accepting family? Has anyone stood up to her parents? Have they ever been held accountable for their behavior?” Pleasant_Test_6088

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but maybe you ought to call her parents and tell them to back off. She deserves better – she deserves you. Maybe talk to her about going LC while doing therapy, so she has time to heal without their negativity overshadowing her.

Sorry you are all going through this, but you are awesome. Keep up the super amazing work!” SPNFam-HunterMo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Maybe you and your husband should invite Ella’s parents to lunch for an adult conversation about how children’s tastes change as they grow and adults can choose to deviate from traditions no matter how important they are to their parents and how silly it is to make such a fuss over someone else’s birthday cake.

If it goes south, you can always tell them to shove their red velvet cake up their butt. Isn’t chocolate a “secret” ingredient of red velvet cake anyway?” Curious-One4595

“I (28F) developed a mild allergy to sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) as a teen. It’s a common ingredient in personal care products and is what makes them foamy. I’m only allergic to it in toothpaste and using toothpaste with SLS in it even once causes rashes at the corners of my mouth and makes it extremely painful to open my mouth even a tiny bit so I can barely eat or speak.

I use a toothpaste that doesn’t use SLS and luckily is commonly available where I live so it usually isn’t a problem.

About 2 weeks ago I went on a camping trip with a group for a friend Anna’s (25F) bachelorette party. It was in the bush near her tiny hometown of 200 people and I realized after I arrived that I’d forgotten my toiletry bag with my toothpaste in it.

I asked my friends if they had any toothpaste I could borrow but it all had SLS in it. Since I arrived on the Friday morning I had time to stop by the general store and pharmacy in town, but they didn’t stock my toothpaste and said it’d take longer to bring in than I’d be there so I grabbed a bottle of mouthwash and figured I’d just brush with water and mouthwash for the weekend.

Not ideal, but I wasn’t going to ruin my friend’s bachelorette by being miserable with the rashes.

On the first night camping I was brushing my teeth and Anna’s sister, Kelsey (32F), asked why my toothpaste wasn’t foaming. She went to the campsite to set up and didn’t know about my allergy, so I explained the above to her.

She freaked out saying it was disgusting to brush without toothpaste and I agreed with her but said I didn’t have a choice, it was this or ugly, painful rashes and joked they make me look like a low-budget Joker.

The whole weekend Kelsey kept making snide comments about how gross my teeth were and saying she could smell my breath from over a meter away.

I thought this was pretty rich considering my teeth are straight and white while hers are crooked and stained from smoking and soft drinks, but I didn’t say anything and just ignored her.

Anna and everyone else kept telling Kelsey to stop but she wouldn’t and I eventually snapped and told her to shut up and not to throw stones in glass houses.

She asked what I meant and I said at least my horrible breath can be fixed with my toothpaste when I get home, but her teeth will be a lot harder to change. This made Kelsey cry and she left early. Anna and a couple of other friends said Kelsey had it coming, but others are saying I was too harsh on Kelsey so now I’m conflicted.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ. “The whole weekend Kelsey kept making snide comments about how gross my teeth were and saying she could smell my breath from over a meter away.” She’s 32 years old and was behaving like a mean little middle-school adolescent who thinks it’s fun to put down other people.

“This made Kelsey cry and she left early.” Good. Again, 32 years old and now behaving like a kindergarten-aged child who finally got the scolding she deserved.  “Others are saying I was too harsh on Kelsey.” If they were the target of her constant taunting over a weekend, they would feel differently.” Dittoheadforever

Another User Comments:

“NTJ don’t pick on people if you aren’t ready for a reaction. She was more than willing to make you the punching bag of the trip but as soon as you reacted as mildly as you did she was immediately the victim and you hurt her.

You hurt her because while she was talking trash just to make fun of you with no truth behind it your response cut her to her core because it’s 100% true and she knows it. You hit her in an insecurity she has and she couldn’t handle it.

Not your problem that you got fed up with someone who couldn’t just let something go until you couldn’t take it anymore.” terayonjf

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Why do people always defend the one that keeps saying things, rather than the one that finally snaps?

It’s beyond annoying. Also, you’re right. She’s the pot calling the kettle black. She’s clearly insecure in general or insecure about her teeth specifically but that doesn’t give her the right to bully others. Your situation was totally understandable. I think you should have addressed her the first time she said anything and not ignore that or other subsequent comments, since snapping can always damage your credibility, but that doesn’t make you a jerk.” friendlily

“I (19M) reside on the ground floor of an apartment with my mom.

On the 2nd floor, there’s a family of 3 including a restless and mischievous kid (9M). Despite his mischief, I’ve had a good relationship with him whenever he came to play until recently.

He enjoys playing with my action figures, toy cars, and other toys from my childhood.

While I’m usually open to sharing and even let him borrow my toys, I’ve noticed an increase in demands like “Let me have this!” and “This is mine!” Over time, this bothered me because obviously I was taught not to claim something as my own when it belongs to someone else.

A few days ago, I bought a small car solely for how intricately detailed it was. I used it as a decoration on my study table as it gave it an aesthetic touch. When the kid spotted it, he insisted on having it for himself.

The situation escalated from the usual claims to refusing to leave my house unless I gave him the car. I called his mom, she took him away without telling me anything or expressing any disappointment, but I don’t understand why his parents can’t teach him that what doesn’t belong to him isn’t his own.

Now my mom offered to buy me an exact replica so that I could give him the old one, but I declined, feeling that it’s his parents’ responsibility to teach him the appropriate behavior. This is because I’ve witnessed him snatching toys from other kids in the nearby park, and the parents of those kids weren’t cool about it, so I think this is a bit of a concern.

While I know this is a very petty issue, when I refused my mom’s offer to buy me the replica, she felt a little upset. I wouldn’t even have made this post but my mom’s feelings matter to me a lot. So AITJ for my actions?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Stop playing with 9 yo kids. You aren’t his babysitter and he doesn’t respect you as a role model. He sees you as a source of entertainment. In the worst case, you are asking for a lawsuit or charges. Minimally he’s going to start pocketing stuff.

Also if your mom gives any indication of giving it to him, hide your stuff.” KnightofForestsWild

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sit Mom down and talk to her about the situation. Tell her that while to her it may only be a toy, you bought it for a reason, you wanted to add it to your collection.

Besides, as she taught you, just because you see something doesn’t make that something yours. She never would have allowed you to take something that belonged to someone else. She wouldn’t allow you to give away her belongings if someone else admired them. So there should be no reason to be giving your things to neighbor kid.” wlfwrtr

Another User Comments:

“Totally NTJ. Your things, your decision. The kid is not yours to educate but you are allowed to educate him on your things. I own the most gorgeous dollhouse. Kids (including mine) love it and they ask to play with it. No. Yes, parents have asked. No. My kids have asked. No. If they ask, I open the front door and turn on the lights.

And that’s it. Yes, it’s petty. No, you don’t get to touch it. My kids are allowed to touch it and decorate it when they are old enough to handle it with care. Guess what, they have all survived being told not to touch a toy.” Procrastination4evr

“My (30M) wife (26F) gave birth to twins in October. One boy and one girl. Our son had lung issues at birth which is relevant to this.

Basically, two weeks ago, my son had his first breath-holding spell. For those who are fortunate enough not to know what they are, they are when a baby holds their breath out of fear or pain or shock.

They can hold their breath until they turn blue or pass out but it’s relatively normal.

As it turns out, my wife did not know what a breath-holding spell was which makes sense, our kids are the first babies she’s ever had to look after before.

She has no younger siblings and is the youngest on both sides of her family.

When the breath-holding spell occurred, my wife was distraught. She didn’t know what to do and started having a panic attack herself. She managed to get a hold of her father (I was working) and he came over and watched the kids while she got herself together.

They then went to the ER and I met them there. My FIL knew what was going on but my wife insisted on going to the ER because of our son’s lung issue. Thankfully, the little rascal is fine.

However, my wife is not. Her anxiety has gotten a million times worse and since that incident, she hasn’t been alone with the kids.

While I’m working, she usually spends the day with her parents and then I pick her up after work. Her parents are fine with this because they adore her and the kids but I’m concerned that she’s no longer trusting herself as a mother.

She has told me that she wants to start being by herself during the day again with the kids but I think she should have at least one therapy appointment beforehand. Her insomnia has gotten extremely bad since that incident and she can’t be away from the kids without having another panic attack.

I’m worried about how she’ll manage alone but she thinks I’m a jerk for suggesting that she can’t care for her own kids. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She is a first-time mom with a child with health issues, it’s normal to be nervous.

While her reaction was extreme, and I agree she would benefit from talking to someone about it, if this is a one-time thing, let her try to work it out. I was going to say no jerks here until you said she thinks you’re a jerk for suggesting it.

“Her insomnia has gotten extremely bad since that incident and she can’t be away from the kids without having another panic attack.” If this is going on, even just one session of talking to someone, even a registered nurse about her own health would be smart.

You can’t pour from an empty cup; she needs to be healthy to be a good mom to your kids.” Discount_Mithral

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My postpartum experience was awful, awful, awful. Both my daughter and I were hospitalized within 4 days of birth at two separate hospitals.

I didn’t even realize how much it destroyed me until I was crying in the midst of a breakdown overwhelmed by the fact that I felt like everything was crushing me with priority. The entire postpartum window is so hard for both partners, even more so when trauma comes into play.

Going to a therapist who specializes in trauma-based/PTSD therapy helped me with grounding and also helped me feel like I could start to breathe again without my chest caving in. I don’t think suggesting therapy suggests she is the problem. It’s just trying to offer her tools to help navigate the huge shift in emotions since birthing the babies.

However… that being said, you can’t force her to therapy. I’d try to meet in the middle to find out the resistance. There is such a stigma sometimes with mental health care, and she may be worried about being viewed in a certain light if she accepts it.

Your heart is in the right place, so hopefully you two can find a safety plan so she’s less distressed during the day.” Responsible-Egg-1006

Another User Comments:

“This is the wrong approach and YTJ. You are making the situation worse by exacerbating your wife’s dependency by making it seem like she is incapable of caring for her children without therapy.

Therapy should never be imposed. You should be telling your wife that what happened was scary, but everything is fine and she is capable and strong and resilient and encourage her to care for your children independently!!” scrubadubdub-

“I (aged 15) keep asking my father (49M) for my Christmas present from my grandpa (76M). Christmas 2023 was held at my aunt’s (41F), and my grandpa got me a $100 bill. However, I wasn’t there to receive it as I had to stay home to play my violin in church that same night.

So, it was sent back with my father. My father proceeded to wave it over my head by saying “I’ll give it to you, but you have to come over here and get it!” I don’t have the greatest relationship with him already, but that didn’t help.

My mom (40F) had to go over there to his place so she could receive her child support and brought Cory (47M), her fiancé. My mom asked for it (my present) but my father had spent it. He claimed he would make it up to me.

Today, he and my grandma (70F) came over for my birthday as that was on Monday. I then again requested my Christmas present. I intentionally did it in front of my grandma as she’s his mom so she would know what my father did.

I said they should go to the ATM to get my $100 after they pick up the pizza we ordered. She took his side and defended him with the whole “I didn’t seem to want it” thing. I’m saving up for something that’s $2,000…I want the money!

His definition of making it up to me is to take me shopping. I don’t need anything right now. I want the cash. He spent MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT THAT WASN’T EVEN FROM HIM.

Then later on today he says he’s gonna buy himself a brand new $90k car, a new laptop, and a new dangerous thing (I don’t feel comfortable saying what that thing is).

That’s when I had it and said to his face “OH?! YOU HAVE ALL THIS MONEY TO BUY STUFF FOR YOU, BUT NOT TO EVEN GIVE ME MY $100 THAT ISN’T EVEN FROM YOU?!” I yelled it. He pulls the I didn’t want it thing AGAIN.

Then I said I wasn’t going over to his place ever again until he had that money. He had no words and then he and my grandma left shortly after. Things got real quiet after that.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Well done for not letting it get to you.

You asked your father several times to pass on YOUR gift and he continued again and again to pretend he didn’t hear. Your father shouldn’t set any conditions, his only job is to pass on the $100. He just realized that actions have consequences.” Asciutta

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dad sold his relationship with you for 100$. If he wants to ‘make it up to you’ by taking you shopping, I would suggest that he buys you something for at least 100$ and you get the receipts so you can take the stuff back and get your money in the end.

Then stop hanging out with him. He’s acting like a high school bully, holding your grandfather’s present over his head, keeping it out of reach, and making you work for it. Work being pretending to want to be with him. He must be a charming person if he knows you would only want to spend time with him as long as he’s holding on to your money.” Special_Lychee_6847

Another User Comments:

“You should put up a social media post that says, “Guys please pray for my dad. He’s in such terrible financial straits that he had to steal my $100 Christmas present from my grandfather. Who knows who else he’s stealing from, if he so desperately needed that $100 that he sacrificed his relationship with his child forever over it.

Please keep him in your thoughts and hope that his finances recover soon before someone who can actually do something about it legally catches him stealing from them, and it ruins his life and his career forever.” Tag everyone he knows. You’ll either get that money real fast, or you will do so much damage to his reputation and relationships that the $100 will almost seem worth it to see him suffer the consequences of being this big a jerk.” ArcanaeumGuardianAWC

“My friend (35F) recently received a devastating cancer diagnosis and is undergoing treatment. She lives alone and has been struggling to take care of herself while going through chemotherapy.

My friend reached out to me and asked if she could move in with me temporarily while she undergoes treatment.

She explained that she’s having a hard time managing on her own and needs support both emotionally and physically.

While I sympathize deeply with her situation, I live in a small apartment with limited space and already have a full house with my partner and two children.

Taking in my friend would be a significant disruption to our family dynamics, and I’m not sure if we could provide her with the level of care and attention she needs.

I suggested alternative solutions, such as helping her find a support group or connecting her with local resources for cancer patients.

However, she became upset and accused me of abandoning her in her time of need. She said that if our roles were reversed, she would do anything to help me.

Now I’m torn between feeling guilty for not offering my friend a place to stay and feeling overwhelmed by the prospect of taking on such a responsibility.

So, AITJ for refusing to let my friend with cancer move in with me?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here it’s a horrible situation she is in but also being around 2 kids who go to school and could bring sicknesses home while she is doing chemo isn’t ideal either.

She’s also probably very scared and doesn’t want to feel alone. I think you sending her resources is awesome but in addition, does she have any other friends or family members? Could you maybe make a schedule where someone stays at her house one day a week until she’s done with chemo so she isn’t alone?” DoraTheUrbanExplorer

Another User Comments:

“I’m so sorry for her. But, no, you are definitely NTJ for recognizing your limitations. She is scared. She is overwhelmed. I understand and sympathize. But she is asking to be your dependent. You have every reasonable right to decide whether or not you can handle that.

Her attempt to guilt trip you into changing your mind was inappropriate. I hope she recovers.” Hapnhopeless

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You’re absolutely correct in not accepting her suggestion to move in if you feel you can’t provide the support she needs, especially given your background with two kids.

Dealing with someone who has a disease like cancer can be incredibly challenging and take a bunch of your time. I could say she’s the jerk because her response may come off as a guilt trip, but chemotherapy can really take a toll on one’s mental state, and facing such a serious illness without full-time support from someone can be incredibly lonely.

So, while her reaction may not be ideal, it’s entirely understandable given her current situation. Try not to be upset with her, as it’s difficult to fully comprehend what she’s going through right now. Just be there for her and offer all the support you can.” firstdumbbrunette

“I (30f) am getting married later this year to my wonderful fiancé (34m) and we sent out our invitations around six months ago.

Most things are going well, but there’s one small issue: I really regret inviting one of the guys from my office. I’ll call him Greg.

When I started my job about a year ago, Greg seemed fine, a little over-friendly, but I didn’t get any weird vibes from him.

We’d talk in the office and on Teams occasionally because we have one or two interests in common. When I told Greg I was getting married this year, he responded with the usual “Congratulations!” followed by something that implied he expected an invite. We had space and, again, he seemed an okay guy, so an invite has gone out to him.

Recently, however, I’ve really started to regret inviting him.

He started using weird terms of endearment when he messages me, like “Hey sweetie” or “Hi angel” which weirded me out a bit, because those are the sorts of things my fiancé calls me, but I brushed it off as just how he is.

Then, a few weeks ago, Greg messaged out of the blue to say he wished I lived closer to him so that we could hang out and get to know each other better. Again, I got a weird vibe; if I were single, I wouldn’t be asking engaged guys I barely know to hang out, but hey, that’s just me.

He’s said similar things again since, and I’ve just kind of brushed it off.

The final straw was a few days ago. He sent me a message asking where I live. I thought it was a bit odd, we hadn’t been speaking that day so it was out of nowhere, but he has my address from our wedding invite, so I reminded him of the town.

He then told me that was close to a friend of his, and that maybe he’d “Drop by sometime to bother me.” This felt really strange to me and so I told him directly not to just show up at my house. He assured me he wouldn’t but I guess we’ll see on that front.

I haven’t raised this with my boss because I don’t feel like he’s done anything that constitutes harassment or the like, but I have discussed it with both my fiancé and a close colleague, and they’ve both said it’s giving off creepy.

I know these things probably sound minor, but they’ve made me feel uncomfortable to be around this guy, and I dread every time I get a message from him.

We don’t work closely (we work for two separate companies owned by the same parent company), so I don’t have to engage with him as part of my job, so I’m wondering WIBTJ if I uninvite him from my wedding? If not, any advice on how best to go about this would be hugely appreciated.”

Another User Comments:

“”Hey colleague, after careful consideration and discussion, my fiance and I had to make some tough decisions due to unforeseen circumstances and limitations with our wedding venue. Unfortunately, we’ve had to trim down our guest list significantly, and we won’t be able to accommodate as many people as we initially hoped. As a result, we won’t be able to include you as well as other friends that we had originally planned to invite.

I hope you understand, and it’s nothing personal against you. Thanks.” YWNBTJ.” VeronicaSawyer8

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ. Also, you need to nip all this nonsense in the bud. Some have suggested lying about trimming down the guest list, I’d not do that. I’d be direct and tell him his familiarity with you is making you uncomfortable and be specific.

Put it in an email to make a paper trail for HR. ZERO reason this jerk should be using pet names with you and suggesting that you meet up when he knows you are engaged. Don’t be rude about it, but be clear. Along the lines of “After thinking about our interactions, I have to tell you that pet names and suggestions of ‘hanging out’ when I’m engaged make me uncomfortable.

Because of this, we’ve decided we are no longer comfortable with you attending the wedding. I hope you understand and respect my boundaries moving forward.”” Ponceludonmalavoix

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ. Greg is a class A creepy dude. He’s doing that thing where he knows you’re getting married and it isn’t a dealbreaker to him; rather it’s not even on his radar.

The man is hitting on you and will take you married, divorced, engaged, however he can get you; and with guys like this, consent might not matter, either, if he thinks he can get away with it. His asking where you live could be taken as a threat.

It is time to start reporting to HR or management just in case he tries anything cute. Screenshots are your friend, WIN +SHIFT + S to snip in Windows. Just tell him how creeped out you are, tell him you are rescinding the invitation, block him, hire security for your wedding so you are not the one throwing him out on your wedding day.” HankThrill69420

“My grandad passed away in July 2020 and Grandma was very upset over his passing.

Next, one of my uncles took control of finances, bills everything. Mid-December 2020, I asked my grandma if she agreed to this which led to an argument and my missus and I got kicked out of her house.

The next day, I got a call from Grandma saying “Please come home.” I never held a grudge and came back to apologize, then to find out that my uncle was pushing Grandma to move south with him and his missus as “you don’t have anyone here”.

Turns out Grandma wanted to talk to me about what to do as she was uncomfortable. I simply said, “if you’re uncomfortable, don’t do it. You’re his mother so he HAS to agree with your decision”. So she told him no and he took it well.

Too well.

March 2021, Grandma made a will with a local solicitor in their office but later that evening at home, the solicitor called me and asked if my grandmother had the properties in her name. I said she should and asked why. She said “something didn’t sit right with this and wanted to check”.

I said I’d check and went to Land Registry to find out and what did I find? The same uncle who controlled everything had HIS name on all of my grandma’s assets! I asked my grandma if she did this and she didn’t even know this happened!

I was shocked and immediately told the solicitor, asking what can we do.

A legal battle ensued which was over 1 year. Turns out that my uncle fraudulently signed property transfer papers so everything would be in his name. Even my own mum got involved, siding with my uncle.

He decided to do a settlement which Grandma agreed to as she was getting sick of everything, including her own kids. He gave her money in return for one of the smaller assets and she wanted no contact with my uncle ever again.

Mid 2022, she made a new will and we finally got peace.

So, I decided to take Grandma on holidays once every few months, which she loved and made lasting memories.

End of Jan 2024, she was diagnosed with cancer and I told my mum to be here with Grandma as she should settle things with her and make peace with her, even if my grandma didn’t want to see my mum (I just wanted to do the right thing for both).

A month later, Grandma passed away at home.

Last week, after the funeral, my parents came to the family home to discuss with me and my missus about the houses and the other stuff. They SUDDENLY jumped in, saying “you need to do the right thing and give us the house and our share as we are the children and you’re just a grandchild.

We know you did everything in the last 3+ years but compared to us, you didn’t do much”. (Context: my parents haven’t been in this house regularly for over 10 years and I’ve lived here since 2010.)

My missus and I simply said “Sorry but what Grandma wants to do is her decision and not ours”.

This led to shouting (me and my mum, mainly) and threats of legal action from them. We never mentioned the will (as said by the solicitor).

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Sorry to hear of your grandma’s passing, delighted that you were able to help fill her final years with good memories, and I trust you’ll honor her memory by making sure your mother gets exactly what she deserved according to your grandma’s sound judgment.

I’m glad your grandma had someone who cared as much as you did, and clearly, she was too. NTJ. Leeches can jog on.” ieya404

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t go counting chickens before they hatch when it comes to that inheritance though. It’s quite likely they will contest the will through legal means.

This will drag out any payouts until a decision is made. If you think it’s ugly now… It’s probably gonna get worse. I’ve known too many people who’ve thought they’ve got something coming, blow their finances and realize they don’t. Sorry for your loss OP.

Sorry that your family isn’t coming together to celebrate your grandma’s life and grieve together. Make sure you’ve got a good support network, go get one if ya don’t. Best of luck.” 33jolliff

“So as a bit of backstory, I (24M) have been out as gay to my parents since I was 17. However, due to the fact that I was raised very religiously, I was told to never be in a relationship with anyone and didn’t have a serious committed relationship until now.

My partner (26M) and I have been together for 3 years now. After I told my parents that it was official, they said they didn’t want to meet my partner and so they didn’t meet him until 3 months later.

For the next year, my parents proceeded to have constant conversations with us about why they thought it was wrong and that they “hope it feels like my soul is being torn in half so I’ll come running back to God.” (Side note: my partner and I are both still Christian so we don’t understand why they’re so insistent on telling us things like this.) My father has surprisingly gotten better over time but my mom still makes comments about our relationship making her uncomfortable.

They have told us since the beginning of our relationship that they didn’t want my father’s family to know as his family is all very religious.

Fast forward another 1.5 years, my brother got engaged recently to his partner of just over 1 year and my parents are over the moon about it.

My brother’s fiancée is amazing and we love her. But now that his wedding is coming up I was told by my parents that I need to call my father’s family and come out to them prior to the wedding as it would ruin my brother’s big day if they found out at the wedding.

I told them I wasn’t comfortable doing that with people I speak to once every 5 years and my mother got mad saying I should think about my brother’s feelings.

So, I called my brother and asked him because if he genuinely wanted me to I would as I’m not trying to hide it, I just thought it would be an awkward conversation where I would be forced out.

He said that he doesn’t care and that it’s more important to him that I’m there than people he rarely ever sees and if it becomes a problem he will ask the people causing a problem to leave. I told my mom he said I didn’t have to and she freaked out on me saying that I was inconsiderate and she knew what my brother wanted and even if he said he doesn’t care I should do it out of respect to him and his fiancée.

AITJ for not wanting to be forced out of the closet for my brother’s wedding to a bunch of people I don’t even talk to?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t let your mom force you into an awkward situation. You even went as far as to consult your brother whose input means MUCH more than your mom’s here and he doesn’t care.

You do you, boo. Their preparation, approval, or disapproval won’t make you any less who you are.” consolelog_a11y

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You come out to who you want when you want. It could be the cynic in me but your mom wanting you to do it before the wedding is less about you and more about people who will likely agree with her about your sexuality.

She could want them to make comments because you aren’t listening to hers. Your brother has made his feelings clear and despite what she thinks what your mom wants isn’t what he wants and his desires matter hers do not.” GothPenguin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but definitely have another conversation with both your brother and his lovely fiance to make absolutely sure they’re telling you their actual feelings. It is their big day, and this is a stupid problem bigots might cause at it. I know you already asked, but just in case they’re telling you what you want to hear, you know?

If they’re really as viciously homophobic as your mother thinks they will be, you should really at least discuss having someone whose job it is to quietly eject problem guests if that’s how your brother wants to go about it.” Kitastrophe8503

“I (27M) have made my wife (27F) cry constantly over her being willingly unemployed for over 4 months.

She left her last job because it was, in her terms, making her stressed. It was a 3-day-a-week, 18-hour job. She earned $600/wk (AUD). We have a joint home loan at 370k remaining and our savings are sinking.

I told her I was in support of her leaving her job under the one condition that she had more work lined up, even if it paid less.

She instead quit the week after I said it. 3 months passed and she had no job still. Bills came in constantly and I had to take up extra shifts to cope. But in all of this, the savings we have are dropping.

Last month I started telling her she needs to find work and she comes up with a different excuse each time.

I broke down the home loan repayments and explained how we can’t afford them if she doesn’t work and that we are unable to buy anything other than essentials and she seems to understand. After a week I asked if she had applied to any jobs and she said no. I blew up.

Yelled and told her she is being extremely unfair as I am working overtime and have little free time, whereas she doesn’t even keep the home in order outside of doing dishes and laundry when I tell her to. This repeats weekly.

Today when I noticed she was a bit upset, I asked what was wrong and she said she wanted me to spend time with her (I have one day off a week) and I said I could have more free time if you were working.

She said “you don’t care about my feelings you just want me to get a job” and I yelled at her for letting me handle all financial responsibility again. She argues that she applied for 6 jobs but they all asked for ID checks and she wasn’t bothered to do them.

I am very angry. I told her I am not her money pig and she can get work or we are done. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“She’s legally responsible for half that home loan and half the bills. I’m assuming you don’t have kids since you didn’t mention them.

She quit her job because she was stressed, but she has no problems increasing your stress. It sounds like she doesn’t do housework unless you tell her to. She claims you don’t care about her feelings, but she clearly doesn’t respect you or care about your feelings.

I don’t know what her reasoning is, but this marriage is over unless she makes some big changes. She’s using you and has no problem taking everything from you. You might want to consult with a lawyer to talk about your options.” lilolememe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She isn’t crying because of your actions, she’s crying because she’s manipulative. She has no intention of getting a job, she’s just biding her time until you either give up on asking or you’re married long enough that she can get alimony. Divorce her as quickly as possible.

The longer you stay in this the deeper in the hole you will be. Get rid of the house and take it as a loss. If she believes you will leave her before she can get what she wants she will try to trick you into getting her pregnant so you will still be tied to her.

If she does claim to be pregnant and you haven’t touched her, get a DNA test. Good luck.” DarkDimmaDome

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are working overtime to afford the basics. Your wife won’t even look for jobs, let alone fully apply for one because she “can’t be bothered.” She’s manipulative with the fake crying and fake agreement while telling you to not work because she misses you.

She won’t make an effort with housework unless you ask her to do so and you have a dead bedroom. My guy, what is she bringing to this relationship? Your wife is not a partner, she’s a user and you’re being played. You can continue to have the same conversations and get bent up out of shape but you’re wasting your breath.

Go ahead and start getting referrals for a divorce attorney. Your wife is certainly looking out for herself and making decisions that exclusively benefit her. Your marriage is over and it doesn’t sound like you have enough time or physical stamina to keep letting her leach off you.

To be more blunt: the minute she quit her part-time job without an alternative you were through. And every day she sees you work yourself to death while she can’t be bothered to apply to jobs, she’s telling you how little she cares about you, your health, your needs, and your marriage.

Find a lawyer and let her go.” saintandvillian

“My husband Jared and I have a 6-month-old son we will call Jed. I’m a stay-at-home mom and my mother-in-law, Susan, lives next door to us.

She just moved next door to us a couple of months ago (it’s not like we could stop her) so this didn’t happen during our son’s early months. Since she moved here she has taken to just showing up at the door to see Jed and continuously knocking since she knows I’m home until I open.

It’s a real problem when I am trying to put Jed down for a nap or feed him or nap myself etc and she has woken him up multiple times. My dog doesn’t bark but starts pacing and whines the entire time from excitement/anxiety until she leaves or I open the door.

Susan showed up two weeks ago knocking after I told her the day before that Jed was teething and sleeping terribly. She came right as I had gotten him to sleep and woke him up. I told her at the door it’s not a good time and she said she’ll come back later, I told her to please text me so I can make sure he’s awake first.

It took two hours to get Jed back to sleep and she comes over ten minutes after I get him down without texting me and wakes him up AGAIN. I didn’t answer the door. I have a ring camera and she stood there for FIFTEEN minutes knocking every few minutes or so.

After fifteen minutes she finally texted me saying she’s here to see Jed. I texted her back saying he’s sleeping and I will let her know when she can come see him and then she finally left.

When Jared got home I told him everything and he went to talk to Susan and told her she needs to text me asking if the time works before just showing up as she keeps waking up Jed. She said she understood and would only come over when she knows he’s awake.

He told her to only come over when I say it’s okay.

Susan has now taken to standing outside our front door and listening to see if she can hear Jed (it’s a small old house so if he’s baby talking or crying you can usually hear it).

If she can she’ll knock and stay knocking until I answer. I’ve taken to just ignoring her and taking Jed and my dog into the backyard or as far from the front door as I can get and playing until she gives up and I see her leave on the camera.

I told my husband and he agrees with me not letting her in unless she texts me first regardless of whether Jed is awake or not.

My father-in-law Grant (who is divorced from Susan) texted me and Jared yesterday about how she is hurt and how we are being cruel by ignoring her and how she’s always wanted to be a grandma and she deserves an opportunity to bond with her grandson.

She hasn’t seen him in over a week (we were out of town over the weekend) and made a social media post about how much she misses him. Susan’s siblings were commenting about why she can’t see him being next door and she said we weren’t allowing her to “for no reason”.

Between Grant and Aunts/Uncles I am beginning to feel like a jerk but I’m not sure that I am one.

Jared did text his dad back explaining but Grant said that we are being petty.”

Another User Comments:

“Your mother-in-law has lost her sense of boundaries for whatever reason and you are NTJ for asserting your right to privacy and independence.

Your husband will need to be more forceful in explaining the expectations you and he have of your mum visiting. This is really important so your relationship can be positive, so she is welcome when she comes over, and so you do not have to default to not allowing her access to your home or family which would be a shame.” Famous_Specialist_44

Another User Comments:

“Luckily it sounds like Jared is on the same page as you, which is great. Is he truly being FIRM, though, with her? I ask because I know how my husband can be with his dad. He sets boundaries, but he tries SOOOOOOOO hard to not hurt his dad’s feelings and I think the message sometimes gets lost. Not that I want him purposely hurting his dad, but at the same time, by being so gentle and “nice”, his dad doesn’t really GET what needs to take place for him to get what he wants (I hope that makes sense!).

I hope Jared is stating VERY clearly “If you want to see Jed, you need to respect us and that means not showing up unannounced” and also explaining that if she backs off, it will HELP and then you both will be more likely to invite her over.

But the more she pushes, the worse she’s making the situation. Has he spelled this out for her? And ignore Grant and anyone else who says anything. I think your husband should flat out tell his dad “This isn’t your concern” and then refuse to talk about it.” Goalie_LAX_21093

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but absolutely clear it up so she can’t twist the narrative. She’s being stalker-level crazy. Tell them you have videos of her just standing outside your home until she hears something and then her knocking for upwards of 15 minutes. Explain that you have a teething baby who’s not able to sleep because stalker grandma knocks all the time and won’t respect boundaries.

Tell them that you have not banned her from seeing her grandson, only that you told her she’s not allowed over unless she texts you and you say it’s a good time. She has yet to respect you and your husband’s boundaries so you’re not letting her in while you try to take care of your son.

Honestly just stating you have videos of her literally lurking outside your home and then pouncing on your door for 15 minutes at a time will make any sane person think your mother-in-law was off her rocker.” Silaquix

“I (27F) live with my mom (48F) and little sister (15F). My mom recently announced that she was planning to go on a fast to “hear from god” or whatever, and that she’d only be eating breakfast and lunch and no dinner, and that the meals that she would eat would be mostly vegetables or something like that.

She said that she was going to buy her own food, and told me I’d have to figure out how to feed myself and my sister, and that she would have no part in what we were eating. I could understand her asking me to pay for my own food, which I already do, and in fact, I pay for most of the groceries and I pay more than half of the bills.

I just don’t think it’s right that she’s washing her hands clean of feeding her own kid. My sister is still underage and she’s just dumped the pressure of making sure she gets to eat on me. It came to a head when we went to the store yesterday, and she refused to pay for anything other than the few groceries she’d bought for herself.

I put everything back and walked out of the store, and she called me irresponsible and selfish.

I’m going to go back to the store on my own later today and buy essentials because I’m not going to let my sister starve, but that’s just the issue.

She says that if I loved my sister I’d see to her being taken care of, which is true, I will see to her having what she needs. But, I feel that it’s unfair to even ask me to be in charge of food preparation for a child that isn’t mine, much less to cover the cost of groceries.

Am I just being immature by asking her to contribute to the groceries even though she won’t be eating them?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister is still underage so I would feel at least taking that in mind your mother should contribute even a small bit to the budget considering she is her child, not yours.

Just because you are an adult and capable doesn’t mean you need to take responsibility for every family member and be told that you are selfish when all you ask is just a small contribution to the budget. But of course, I’m saying this taking into account that your mother earns well and is capable of contributing and just intentionally trying to do this under the excuse of making her child “self-independent.”” WizKvothe

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hit her with this one – 1 Timothy 5:8 – But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. Tell her that the Bible says not providing for her family, especially those in her own household, makes her worse than an unbeliever because she knows better and still chooses to willfully disobey God’s commandment.

She wants to get closer to God? Tell her to start by addressing the sins she already knows she’s committing, aka not providing for her children.” Kr_Treefrog2

“After my dad married Jane 7 years ago he started to get really involved in her daughter Amy’s (16f) life.

I (15f) felt left out. My life had been really difficult up to then and I was struggling with everything. I had lost my mom two years before, and I also suffered a brain injury and was grieving the loss of a lot of memories of my mom, I was recovering and dad was distracted with Jane.

It was tough. But then my dad got along with Amy so much better and he always seemed more into the time he spent with her than the time he spent with me. He also shared more of his own interests with her. He took her to special places he adored that he didn’t ever take me to.

And I wanted to go. He shared with her stuff he didn’t share with me. I was jealous and I was hurt. I tried to explain to my dad but he told me it was selfish to want to keep him to myself and to leave Amy without a dad and how her dad didn’t want to know her so he needed to fill that role for her.

Amy would tell me to just accept that Dad liked her better and he was her dad more than mine now. My dad knew about it and didn’t care.

He did spend time with me. But it was stuff I liked and he’d act like it was the biggest burden to spend time with me.

He fell asleep a few times and he would zone out a lot and leave me to do the stuff alone even though he was physically there.

My grandpa, my dad’s dad, noticed and he started spending more time with me and creating a bond with me that we didn’t have before.

My dad isn’t that close to his dad. But Grandpa has been the best. He even loved my mom and he told me how sad it made him when my parents divorced. He’s told me stories about her and about her and me that I don’t remember any longer.

It has been amazing and apparently, it has healed a lot of the pain of my dad’s lack of interest because my dad noticed and he got SO jealous.

He confronted me a few days ago saying I was ignoring him and spending way too much time with Grandpa.

He asked me why I stopped asking about our time together. I told him very clearly he prefers spending time with Amy and can’t stand time with me, so I’m spending time with someone who enjoys me. He told me I don’t have the right to rub my favoritism of Grandpa in his face.

I called him a hypocrite and told him he treated Amy better than me for years, he showed favoritism to her, opened up to her, and shared with her in a way he never did with me and it wasn’t okay. I told him he then called me selfish for telling him how it made me feel.

I told him she knows him better than I do and it’s not my fault. I said he allowed that to happen and allowed her to feel so smug about it. He walked away from the conversation.

Dad decided the two of us need family therapy yesterday.

He came out with it from nowhere. He said it’s the only way to fix it. I told him family therapy won’t fix us when he can’t even stay and have a conversation with me. He told me I used to be willing to try and now I’m not and it’s not okay.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I’m going to second your dad’s recommendation of therapy and further suggest you have time with the therapist just you and them. I agree with you that unless your dad is open to realizing his mistakes and honestly try to make amends it won’t change.

But, having a therapist to speak with can be beneficial in other aspects of your life, and having your dad foot the bill is an added bonus. To be clear, NTJ.” GeminiAtl

Another User Comments:

“Funny how people see things so differently when the shoe is on the other foot.

He played the good daddy to Amy at your expense, let her throw it in your face and now he’s got the nerve to act all hurt and confused when you found someone who actually chooses you? His reaction is childish and illogical at best and completely self-serving at worst. He wants everything his way but too bad, so sad, that’s not how life works.

I’d ask him what he expects from therapy. Because if his only intention is to show you you’re wrong for having your very valid feelings, it’s not going to do any good. Unless he can go into therapy expecting to own his own behavior and accept your feelings, it’s useless.

Some parents see therapy as a way to use another adult to manipulate their child into behaving as the parent sees fit and refuse to take responsibility for his part in how you got to where you are. I guess I’d ask you to consider it if he’s willing to be open-minded but be clear that you’re entitled to how you feel and that whatever resolutions you reach don’t include you abandoning your relationship with your grandfather.

I’m sorry for all you’ve had to go through as such a young woman, but you sound strong and resilient to me. Keep those excellent qualities as you move forward in life. NTJ.” forgetregret1day

Another User Comments:

“You’re not a jerk. You’re a 15-year-old kid who has been through a lot in your short years.

I’m not going to say your dad is the jerk either, because doing so is not going to help mend your relationship with him or ease the hurt you feel. What might help, hard as it is to stomach, is counseling. Here’s my tip, though: family counseling is fine, but if you’re going to do it, do so only after you have had individual counseling.

You are understandably hurt and family counseling might be more beneficial if you work through that a bit. Plus your dad can’t then accuse you of not being willing to try. You’ll just be working on things in your own way, on your own time.

Nothing wrong with that. I’m sorry OP. But counseling can help. It takes trial and error to find the right therapist and a lot of self-reflection, but if you put in the work, you come out stronger on the other side. Best wishes.” kodak723

“My (21F) mother (53F) has always been the extremely controlling type. So much so that my very first sip of booze was at 19, most of my friends started at 16, and I have also never had a sleepover with any of my female friends (nor any of my family members, haha).

Without dabbling into the details too much, I don’t want any bias on this, my mom has always had full control over my life.

After having had to drop out of uni due to financial constraints, these being me kicked out because the fee-payer stopped paying, I took a couple of customer service jobs.

Extremely low-paying, terrible work hours, easily pulling a 15-hour shift at least twice a week (7 am -10 pm). Recently, I got a new job. The pay is good, the work is great but very consuming, and you earn every cent you make.

Since getting this new job, I have made it my mission to get myself everything I’ve been begging for, for the last few years.

I needed a new phone because my iPhone 7 was absolutely shattered, so I took out a finance plan for it. I had to get a new laptop for work, financing on that too. And earlier this week, I picked up my new (to me, 11 years old in reality) car.

I was the only one of my siblings who had not been bought a first car from my parents. Obviously, the amount of changes happening in my life made it seem as though I had a salary jackpot, I do not. I’m very good at saving.

My mother has obviously seen this. I do still live with her in a rental house along with my unemployed dad, unemployed brother, and his two kids. Our lease is up at the end of February and so, my parents have been viewing houses. My mother is blacklisted with the credit bureau right now, (side note, she was able to pay up all of her debt in 2020 after selling my childhood home.

So all of the debt right now is very new) she has skipped her car payments, skipped her loan payments and pretty much anything else. My mother has a very good job and definitely can afford these things, her lifestyle is entirely too inflated, she spends way too much on entertainment and entertaining.

Due to the blacklisting, the landlords of the properties she wants are not open to offering her a rental. Once again, inflated lifestyle, she only wants the best of the best-looking houses. She has asked me to put my name and info down on her lease and “she will cover the payments”.

When I asked what it would do to my credit score, she snapped at me and started shouting about why I don’t need a good credit score because I’ve already gotten the things I need on my credit.

Obviously, my mom is a terrible payer.

That would reflect on my credit score and, at 21, I’m preparing myself to move out into my own apartment in the near future. My mother is not seeing it this way and has decided to give me the cold shoulder. If I greet her at any point during the day, she looks at me very blankly and continues what she was doing wordlessly.

So, I want to know, am I the jerk for not just putting my name down on the lease?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You know this. This is why you wrote the post. Your mother is a bad, dangerous person. If you put your name on that lease the rest of your life + your financial future is OVER.

Save up, move out, go low contact. This is it – her last ditch effort to trap you forever. Don’t fall for it. I think there’s a reasonable chance she forges your signature. Be careful.” Mulenkis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Look up gray rocking and learn to do it.

Lock your credit. Get out ASAP. These unemployed losers are going to suck you dry because your recent conspicuous spending makes you look like you have money to burn. They should all be looking for jobs. If your mother brings up any money-related topics, ask when your father and brother are getting jobs.

Ask it every time. Sign nothing. I get that she is in a tight spot but she needs to be hammering on her husband and her unemployed son to get jobs and contribute.” Avlonnic2

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – protect your credit score! It will save you big bucks throughout your life!

Plus by not signing, you will not have to worry about your mom not giving you the monthly rent. You are planning on moving out soon, so you will need good credit to get into an apartment. Just remember, when you do move take all of your important documents with you.

Better yet, find all of those now and tuck them away somewhere safe so you have them when you do move. Don’t leave them behind so your mom can blackmail you. Be strong, be smart, and always live below your means!” Single-Flamingo-33

“My eldest daughter (30f) is getting married at Niagara Falls this autumn to her longtime partner (28f).

I support her and her relationship, although my daughter sometimes accuses me of not being sufficiently supportive. I’m gifting her $5,000 for the wedding, but her fiance’s parents are wealthier than me and my husband and they have given them a much larger sum. I believe, as a result, my daughter and her future wife have chosen a location that is more convenient for her in-laws’ side of the family, rather than ours.

This is fine, but my daughter continues to ask me to come out to New York for certain events (venue tour, bridal shower, etc) when it is not financially feasible for me to attend since this is several states away from where our family lives.

I got frustrated this past weekend when my daughter asked me if I could attend yet another inaccessible event, and was not very patient with my response. I told her that she knew my budget, and I was getting tired of explaining my financial restrictions every time she had an unreasonable request. She had a freak-out and hung up on me, and has not answered my calls or texts since.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but since you have a general idea of how much these trips cost, tell your daughter how many trips you can take. That way, she can prioritize the most important events. I’m sure dress shopping with you is more important than having you there on a prospective venue tour.

I’ll fault you a bit for not telling her this upfront because she’s likely upset that she used one of the available trips on something less important to her. The good news is that there’s still plenty of planning and events to be done, so once she is aware, she may be able to schedule a couple of events in one day.” MariContrary

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – not because you don’t have room in your budget for multiple trips. But the whole “normal people” and “blinded her with glitz and glamor” thing is absurd and weirdly elitist in its own way. You apparently like your town, and that’s okay.

You wanted her to get married in your town, and that’s okay. Assuming that she’s chosen the wedding venue as a way of choosing her in-laws over you is petty. Your daughter is not you. Living in a smaller town rather than NY is not a moral virtue.

Of course your daughter is inviting you. You’d have a conniption if she didn’t. All you have to say is “I’d love to but I’m saving my budget for the actual wedding.” Using each ask as a way to passive-aggressively complain about the wedding destination will get old real fast. I feel like you are insecure, and that insecurity has inspired you to tell yourself a story where you’re the virtuous victim, and everyone who makes you feel insecure is conspiring against you.” MeanestGoose

“I (32f) used to have an amazing relationship with my BIL (29m) and his family, and was highly involved in my niece’s (BIL’s daughter) life once she was born. I even asked his blessing to be in a relationship with my now wife (31f) and later also asked his permission to propose.

He said yes.

Things dramatically changed after we moved into our new home and I mentioned going to their church as it was within walking distance of our home. The very next day my BIL tells my wife that he has decided to no longer allow me in the family’s life due to not wanting his child exposed to our lifestyle (we are lesbians) and that I don’t exist to them anymore.

He said my wife was still welcome in their life but I was no longer allowed to ever be around his family. He even has gone as far as to quote scripture to my wife to try to encourage her to leave me. To this day I still grieve losing my relationship with my niece.

This socially ostracized me from all family events. My wife and I committed to each other that we would not be forced to spend holidays and major events separately. The family has pressured my wife to still attend and says hateful things when she refuses and resorts to calling me names.

Fast forward and my then fiancee (now wife) was scheduled to get a pancreas transplant. Despite the turmoil between everyone I knew it was important for my wife to have any and everyone she wanted to support her during her recovery. Due to circumstances only myself and her mom were allowed to alternate visits at the hospital. When it was my turn at the hospital I decided to keep everyone updated. My BIL then tells my MIL I made him uncomfortable texting him as I wasn’t welcome in his life anymore and asked her to tell me to stop updating him, which I complied with.

However, drama came when my MIL got mad because I told her it was important for him to be able to communicate with me in order to visit as I was going to be responsible for all of my wife’s medical care after the transplant.

I felt it was important to be respected in our home to avoid conflict and not cause my wife distress. Also, I wanted to know prior to him coming so that if my wife wasn’t up to having guests I could let them know ahead of time.

I also needed to prepare visitors for the safety precautions the doctors instructed us to do.

My MIL insisted they should be able to come whenever they feel like it without calling. She even told me I should leave my home when my BIL comes so he could feel more comfortable during the visit.

Which I absolutely refused to comply with.

As a result, my mother-in-law told everyone I was trying to isolate my BIL from seeing my wife. She says I was petty, mean, and selfish. Personally, I think I was kind to even consider allowing him in my home at all considering how he has disrespected and treated me.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your BIL has evicted you from his life, he can’t expect that this comes with no consequences. Expecting you to leave your house when he visits is madness! I’m not really sure what your “sinful ways” are though?

Is it living together before being married? Interesting that he had no issues with you and your ways when you were looking at houses together, going through the buying process, etc, and then had an issue when you decided to go to the same church as him.” deathandtaxes2023

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. BIL is another “use my religion to judge others and demand they follow my viewpoint”, and from what info has been provided by OP it sounds as though it’s solely for appearances as he was completely fine with the relationship until they attempted to join the church.

Very sad and exhausting situation for OP and their wife in general.” spookobsessedscot

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are protecting your family – your wife and yourself – from harmful behavior. She is very vulnerable right now, yet her bigoted family wants to force you, the main carer who knows her needs, out of your own home at their convenience.

Add to that they will try to pressure your wife to leave you, taking this weak point in her life to stress her to the point of mentally breaking, all to make her do what they want. Make it clear that her family will not be allowed into the home without prior agreement.

They have been so disrespectful of your family unit, dismissive of taking precautions/listening to your information during this delicate time, and continue to make ridiculous claims – make it clear that they are the ones isolating your wife by isolating you. Then put a clear boundary in place – if there is any more nonsense you will not allow them to come over at all until your wife is well, followed by you as a couple deciding how to move forward in future interactions with her family.

Basically, that family is a bunch of major jerks! Do not back down, this is when you need to protect your partner (and yourself) the most. Die on this hill. Good luck and please seek out support from those that you trust.” BENSLAYER

“I (M27) have a usually good relationship with my sister who is a single mom (F30) but she is really really really protective of her son (M6) and really strict with rules.

I had to babysit him last weekend while she took her daughter (F9) to a sports event.

She dropped him off each morning and picked him up in the evening.

On Sunday he was not listening the entire day. It was still raining and he just argued, fought, and screamed about wanting to go outside. It wasn’t safe and I couldn’t do that (also it was cold) so in defiance he refused to eat the lunch his mom packed for him.

He still had enough snacks for an army and munched on them. The leftover stew went cold twice before I decided to just eat it so it didn’t go to waste.

Then he saw me eating it and wanted it back. Here’s the thing, my nephew has a lot of allergies so his mom makes his lunches so it is 100% safe.

When she picked him up he complained and she said I was the jerk for eating it, even though it was going to go in the bin, because it was his and I had plenty of my own food to eat.

She was really upset because he hadn’t eaten lunch and was apparently starving, tired and upset.

Now she had to fix it and she was tired. I was the adult and should have been able to handle him, not just eat his lunch.

So am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“I guess I am not understanding why everyone thinks this guy is a jerk.

He watches his sister’s kid for free, right? I am assuming he doesn’t have kids of his own, so he probably doesn’t know how to handle the difficulties of a six-year-old. If she wants someone who will follow all her food rules, etc., she should pay a sitter.

NTJ.” valkyrieway

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – From what you’ve said you gave him plenty of opportunities to eat it, even after you started. Plus he had other food to eat, so he didn’t go hungry. This is actually a good teaching moment with minimum consequences.

He refused something, so someone else got it because nothing is available forever.” Ok-Acanthaceae5744

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is the beginning of a spoiled brat. Kids need to be taught consequences. Check out the teaching posts and why teachers are leaving the profession in droves.

A major complaint is children’s behavior is out of control and it’s cause kids are being coddled by their parents. Your sister is a jerk. The only thing your sister should have said to you was “thanks for watching my kid for free, again.”” New-Combination513

“My (15f) daughter and her partner broke up a couple of days ago. My daughter is obviously pretty upset about it since they were going to be Valentines, and I’ve been comforting her about it since.

Since my daughter told me her friends don’t have valentines either, I proposed the idea that maybe she and her friends just hang out together.

I offered to take them (I know these friends really well, basically sisters to my daughter) to the mall in LA since my husband and I are going to a restaurant for Valentine’s Day anyway.

Fast forward a couple of hours, and my daughter’s friends’ parents are ok with it, as long as they’re back by 10 p.m. I trust these girls, so I’m planning on leaving my daughter with a couple hundred for shopping and an Uber for her and her friends for their ride home.

My son (14m) isn’t happy with this. He says he thinks it isn’t fair since all the years he didn’t have a valentine (except this year) I didn’t do that for him. I think it’s different, though, because my daughter had a falling out with her partner, and plus, she’s 15.

All those other years my son is talking about were when there was no chance I was sending a 12-year-old to the mall with his friends.

My husband doesn’t really care about most of this, so I’m here asking for some outside perspective.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and you need to nip this in the bud. There are things he will need that she will not. There are things you will do for almost-grown and grown children that you wouldn’t do for toddlers and pre-teens. Does he expect her not to get her driver’s license because he is too young?

There are different seasons in life and he needs to respect that this is a different situation to a 12yo not having a valentine. This sort of competition is toxic to siblinghood.” Spearmint-Gum-3825

Another User Comments:

“Your son shouldn’t have been given a $200 shopping spree for every year he didn’t have a valentine.

On that point, you are correct. The two situations are not the same. The problem is, when you found yourself with a crying teenager struggling with her first broken heart – you threw money at it to “make her happy.” Your intentions are good, but you’re sending the wrong message.

She needs to learn to process her emotions in a healthy way. She needs to know she is loved and supported. She needs to learn that she can be happy without a partner. You’re teaching her that if you’re upset, put on a happy face and go spend money.

This is not a coping mechanism. It’s a distraction. It’s also a bad distraction. She needed you to sit with her and cry with her. She needed you to build her up as an independent woman. Tell her life will go on, it will be okay again.

There are happy times ahead of her. Regardless of the reason, giving $200 to one child and not the other for frivolous shopping is wrong. YTJ for that.” Recent_Data_305

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Explain to your son that he was too young and it wouldn’t have been age-appropriate.

Your daughter just had her first heartbreak and you’re comforting her and making sure she has a good time despite that. However, this seems to be more so about the fact that your daughter is getting a fun special day and he doesn’t.

Might want to sit down and have a check-in with your son about how he is feeling and why. You may have to put in some time and actually parent him. Boys have feelings too. Side note: your husband saying he doesn’t care about the emotional well-being of your kids is big jerk behavior.” manonaca

“So I (21F) have been friends with Loreen (22F) for 17 years now and we’re really close. She recently gave birth to her daughter and she and her husband recently told us the name.

They decided to name their daughter Ghiuliyette (pronounced Juliet) and her middle name is Mahriya.

I thought the spelling was a joke until she told me they were serious. I told her, that spelling of a simple but beautiful name was just going to ruin that little girl’s life. She got mad and told me to stop ruining her mood and that I’m being mean.

I’m completely honest. The spelling is just bad. Nothing else can explain it. Why ruin such a beautiful name by including letters that don’t belong there?

I texted her yesterday and told her that the little girl will try to change her name or at least go by her middle name since it’s normal. She told me to stop texting her, that I’m a bad friend, and that I’m being the jerk for making fun of the name.

I don’t think I am. When I told her that the spelling is just bad, she went crazy. She told me that I’m the worst friend ever and that I would never be able to see her daughter again. After that, her husband sent me an email, telling me to stop being so disrespectful.

He thinks the spelling is cute and it just makes her unique.

Unique, yes. But that’s just going to make that little girl suffer and she will probably be bullied for that spelling.

I haven’t replied and honestly, I don’t think I’m the jerk here, but I thought I’d ask since y’all are the best to judge.

So, am I the jerk for telling my friend that the name she gave her daughter is bad and will ruin her life?”

Another User Comments:

“Hi. I’m a high school teacher. I’ll tell you upfront that you’re right. Kids with messed up spellings of their names are miserable about 3/4 of the time.

It’s difficult to spell, people mispronounce them, and official documents? Forget about it. And we definitely judge parents. We don’t think their kids’ names, looking like they just picked 10 random Scrabble tiles out of the box, are cute and unique; we think their parents are stupid and immature, like contestants on an early 2000s reality show like Flavor of Love or something.

It’s one of the ways we clock parents as potentially difficult. I keep in touch with 3 students who changed their names from their parents’ spelling to the actual conventional spelling the minute they turned 18. That kid will be “Juliet Maria” as soon as she possibly can.

NTJ.” Astute_Primate

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, what people don’t seem to think about is that these little babies grow up to become adults. First, imagine having to put Ghiulieyette whatever on her resume. Then some poor soul has to figure out how to pronounce it if they want to pursue her for employment.

She will spend literally the rest of her life listening to people struggle to pronounce it and she will either have to get used to explaining “it sounds just like Juliet” or she will legally change it. She is setting her kid up for a life of teasing, judgment, and frustration on her part.” theworldisonfire8377

Another User Comments:

“I’m gonna go with NTJ. That name is borderline abuse & at least one intelligent adult should care for the little girl & her future. I get it, it’s considered ”rude” to push your opinion, but when it’s about a helpless child then I’d say push as much & as far as you can, even when it’s not your own child.

Can you imagine the little girl getting bullied in school because of her name? Imagine her sending out job applications & work-related emails signed as Ghiuliyette Mahriya. Seriously what’s going on with these dumb parents & their dumb name ideas?” Lelianah

“This is so freaking stupid, I feel like I’m in high school again.

I (34F) have a friend named Summer (also 34F) who’s a free spirit. In high school, she got sent home multiple times for going to class barefoot. She dropped out of college and hitchhiked to Mexico one summer, didn’t tell anyone where she was going.

She forgets to pay her phone bill, so she’s occasionally unreachable. I know that sounds like a lot–and it’ll sound like even more by the end of this–but we’ve been friends since we were 10. I don’t care that she’s a mess. I love her. We’re in this for the long haul.

Summer’s partner, Will, is the opposite of her, and I’d hoped he’d mellow out her wild side. You know how Summer forgets to pay her phone bill? Well, apparently she did it again. I found out when Will called me Friday morning while I was at work.

He said he was having trouble locating Summer. I said, “Yup, that’s Summer for ya. If you get a hold of her, please tell her to call me. Best of luck!” Then I hung up, thinking nothing of it.

Will rang me again and demanded to know where Summer is.

I truthfully said that I have no idea, but I’ll call her parents for him and see if they know. I went to do exactly that, but Will called me AGAIN before I could. I answered, and it was the same question but angrier: “Where the heck is my partner?” I’ll spare you the suspense–this went on for quite some time.

Absolutely no clue why Will was convinced I knew where Summer was, but I told him exactly when/where I last saw her and that she disappears like this routinely–which he darn well knows; they’ve been together for a YEAR. I used the plainest language possible, but Will just wouldn’t relent.

He called me about 50 times. I put it on silent at first, but by the 51st time, I’d had enough. I answered and said, “Bro, STOP blowing up my phone! I don’t know where Summer is, and I’ll block you if I have to. You’re going to get me fired.” Then I turned my phone off.

Today, Summer called me. I was expecting some form of explanation, but she opened with, “I’m handing the phone to Will. He wants an apology.” I stopped her and said apology for what? She said, “For saying that he blew up your phone.” To which I replied, “He DID blow up my phone, and I was at work too.

Maybe I shouldn’t have threatened to block, but he didn’t get the point the first fifty times I said it calmly.”

Summer said just apologize because he’s really angry, and here’s where I’m probably the jerk: No. No to all of freaking that. I’m not apologizing because her milquetoast partner–who is basically the human equivalent of a dry ham sandwich–is on some ego trip.

I said that but nicer, and she hung up on me. Now I’m thinking I should’ve sucked it up rather than jeopardize two decades of friendship. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Summer’s partner made her poor communication skills your problem. It sure as heck ain’t your problem.

In fact, none of this is your issue if you don’t want it to be. You don’t owe either of them an apology. They are adults in a relationship and it is unfair of them to try to use you as a middle-man, so to speak, for communication purposes.

They need to figure their stuff out and I think you should give them the space to do that. I cannot believe the audacity of your friend Summer when she demanded you apologize to her partner. There’s a big difference between being a free spirit and not paying your darn phone bills.

Your friend Summer needs to grow up, IMO.” BeardManMichael

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I think you may need to have a 1:1 conversation with your friend away from her partner. This is textbook isolationism/abuser behavior. I wouldn’t write off the entire friendship based on the actions of her unstable partner — especially if they’ve been together for a year.

If this is indicative of a pattern of behavior, the timeline is exactly right for him to start manufacturing conflicts and distance between her and her loved ones, establishing himself as her only source of interaction and affection.” dorothy_zbornakk

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Forget the ‘long haul’ with Summer.

She knows how she is, and cannot possibly profess incredulity that you would tire of what is generally understood as him’ blowing you up’. She’s demanding an apology FOR HIM. Please She bolted (lame, immature, irresponsible, tiresome). If she hadn’t done this yet again, then he wouldn’t have felt the need to track her down.

She’s obviously flighty and flaky, unreliable, unfaithful to him whatever. Why would you in any fashion deal with someone so self-centered?” dart1126

“I (24m) went out to dinner with my partner (23f). The restaurant was above an Applebees, but not a fancy restaurant.

We were sitting across the aisle from a mid-30s couple with a baby (guessing 8 or 9 months based on my nephew). The aisle is not very big probably enough for two people to squeeze by each other.

While we were sitting there the couple changed their baby at the table and left the diaper sitting at the end of their table closest to us.

It sat there for probably about 15 minutes up until our food was served. I personally found this a bit disgusting and it may have been in my head, but I felt like I could smell the diaper. That is why when our food came I asked them if they could please throw it away.

The guy at the other table asked why. I responded I find it gross to be eating in close proximity to human waste when there is a changing station and trash can in the bathroom (I checked, there are both). He told me to mind my own business.

After that, we quickly ate and left while they gave us dirty looks. My partner doesn’t really think I am a jerk but thinks I should have left it alone. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They changed a diaper at a table where people eat.

This is not only disgusting but also a health code violation. The restaurant employees should have stopped them or told them to go to the restroom to use the changing table. The absolute lack of consideration of the parents is ridiculous. They left the diaper at the edge of the table!

Did they think the waiter was going to take it?! I would have thrown an absolute fit the second I saw them start changing the baby.” HeadOfHarlots

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I would have grabbed the waiter and had them get the manager and make an immediate complaint.

They never should have changed the baby at the table. I would have demanded to be moved to another table. Then it is the manager’s job to deal with things like this. You are not wrong to ask them to move it. But anytime you confront strangers you risk a volatile reaction.” EconomyReference3193

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You should have asked the server to call over a manager. There’s a place for that in the bathroom because anywhere else is a good safety issue and it would have to be addressed because if the manager let it stay on the table in the sight of a food inspector they’d get shut down.

The manager would take your side. ” No-Personality5421