People Hope To Learn A Lot From Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“My (35) partner (42) moved into the apartment right next to mine a couple of months ago. We’ve been together for 2 years and wanted to move in together, but given the housing crisis, and as ridiculous as it sounds, moving next door was the optimal solution, money and space-wise.

The apartments are literally right next to each other inside the same building/floor, so it’s also an ideal arrangement since we both work from home most of the time.

Now, the thing is, we are not very compatible when it comes to chores. Having a messy house stresses me way too much to ignore the mess, while my partner can ignore it and procrastinate while playing computer games.

I had explained to him my deal with relative tidiness pretty early on in the relationship, as for some it could be a deal breaker, I guess? I don’t know.

Since we moved in together, he mentioned that he doesn’t really care about the mess, he’ll eventually clean up at some point, but he said he does respect where I’m coming from and that he’ll do his part.

Last month, I had to go on a trip for a couple of weeks. As I do in such cases, I dedicate a day to cleaning my house thoroughly, as I like to find everything tidy when I return and not have chores waiting for me when back from a trip, and instead chill.

While I was gone, I could only think of how much I miss him and can’t wait to get back to our home.

I returned two days ago, and both houses were a mess. His new place stinks; there are unwashed dishes and trash on every single surface in the kitchen, there is stuff he unpacked lying on the floor, the floor is dusty, the house smells.

I literally stopped dead in my tracks when I came in. It hit me hard because the house was a bad mess when he managed to rent it, we worked really hard to clean it up for almost a month. Only to find it on its way back to its original state when I returned. I felt hurt.

My house was not how I left it either. Or it was, but in a bad way. The sheets on my bed were the same as I had left, trash bins full, unwashed dishes on my sink, and rotten food in the fridge.

AITJ for feeling angry, hurt, and insulted?

This is my second day home, I was at the office from 8 AM to 6 AM, and now I’m back to start cleaning my house. I’m at a loss for words.”

Another User Comments:

“Ooookaaaay… So you now know that you two are never working out right?

I mean you say you’re living together but you live in two separate households, so actual living together is nonexistent. And even though he had his own home, and says he respects where you’re coming from in regards to a clean home….. While you were gone he trashed his own home so badly he went over to yours and completely and unashamedly trashed it because he was too lazy to clean out his own pig sty!!

Guuuuurl why are you on here?? You should have his credit card in hand and be calling a maid service to come deep clean your home. Tip them massively, then break up with this literal trash heap. You would be the jerk if you say but I love him….” VegetableBusiness897

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This guy literally went to your clean apartment and dirtied it up. Why? He has his own place. He has his own pigsty to live in. Why did he need to go into your space at all? He did it because he wants to put you in a position where YOU clean it up.

He’s trying to set you up to become his housekeeper. “But you’re so good at it!” “I don’t even see the mess!” “I said I was going to do it!” “You’re gonna clean yours anyway, why not just clean both?” This is not someone who respects you.

If he did, you would have come back to a clean home. Or, his place would still be dirty, but yours would be clean.” otsukaren_613

Another User Comments:

“This isn’t about different standards of cleanliness. This is about respect, which he lacks for you.

There’s also a huge difference between untidy and dirty. Your man is dirty. NTJ. My husband has been away for 3 days for work, I’m working from home with our 2 kids. Yeah, the place got destroyed and I am currently cleaning it (with a little break heh) and tidying so that he comes into a stress-free space.

He also does the same for me. It’s an act of love. We aren’t doing it because of our own cleanliness standards. We do it to celebrate our lives together and the home we have built. And we do it because we respect each other and know it would make them happy.

He didn’t care about any of that.” Ladyughsalot1

“I (31F) have this one friend, Jami (28F) who shows up sometimes to hang out but is very busy so she’s not really regularly there.

This has caused the rest of the friend group to be closer friends with each other than we are with her. Which is fine. No one has anything against her and we really love her company when she does come around. That being said, there’s one issue: she starts a fight when she wants to back out of plans or leave early.

I just thought she was going through something at first but now it’s become a pattern where I’ll invite her over to my house and she’ll suddenly be in an argument usually before 7 pm and leave. The timing is fishy, but whatever, it’s her secret and I’ll respect it.

What I don’t respect is her making people think she’s leaving because of them.

Last night, we threw a party for another friend of ours, Dana (30F), because she got a job she always wanted. We didn’t even mention it to Jami until the next day because we figured Jami probably didn’t want to come.

The party was also at 8 pm and wherever Jami goes after the arguments, she usually goes at 7 pm. Jami called me furious that not only was she not invited, she didn’t even know we had a party.

I told her the party was at 8 pm.

And she said, “What does that have to do with anything?” And I told her “You always start a fight and leave before 7.”

Jami gasped like I said something that crossed multiple lines and I’m not sure if I did but she hung up. I tried to call again but she won’t answer.

Again. Whatever secret she has is her business if she tells me or not but I’m not gonna pry. My other friends agreed that what I said was true but said it wasn’t nice of me to point out how obvious Jami is.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You pointed out her regular behavior that she seemed to think nobody noticed. Give her time to think about how people do notice and it makes her attendance a burden. If she decides to cut contact, you win. If she stops this obvious ploy, you also win.

Either case is better than letting it go and having everybody reluctant to have her at parties. The one thing you should have added was, “It’s okay if you want to leave by 7. You can simply say goodbye, and nobody will complain.”” extinct_diplodocus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were brutally honest with her by saying she regularly starts a fight and leaves before 7 pm, so perhaps you can have an honest conversation with her about her common behavior when she cools down. You theoretically could have omitted the ‘start a fight’ part but getting it out there in the open isn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially if you value her friendship but she’s bugging you and your other friends.

Adding that excluding her from the party is equally valid. Her past behavior has consequences. Really hope you guys figure this out but you are not the jerk here.” proost1

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I suppose the only thing I’d have tried differently would have been a sit-down with Jami without any party recently passed/on the horizon, pointed out her pattern of behavior, told her it’s entirely her business, but that you were done with her starting arguments as a reason to leave gatherings and if she can’t graciously leave or decline invitations, the invitations won’t be coming anymore.

You’re all adults, there should be no issue with someone taking off as they please, so long as they aren’t driving intoxicated or skipping out on a bill.” EmeraldAthenry

“My 8-year-old son Jackson needed to have his tonsils removed and the surgery was scheduled for Monday. Since it was a week away, my ex and I told our family about it.

The day of the surgery, it was just me and the ex at the hospital. It took an hour to prep him and the actual surgery was like 30 minutes. There were some complications like his blood pressure dropping too low probably because of the anesthesia which was the first warning sign that the anesthesia didn’t mix well with him.

The doctor said the nurses were getting him to his room and checking vitals and we could see him in 30 minutes. Out of the blue, my ex’s parents, her husband, and his two kids came in. They had balloons and presents and I felt like they were overdoing it but whatever.

I was upset that she didn’t tell me that they were coming.

A few minutes after that, a nurse came and said he needed “dad” because Jackson was hysterical from the anesthesia. Most of the time kids are zonked out but my son was crying and screaming for me.

I had never seen him like that. Like he was in a frenzy or something. I cuddled and comforted him and then the circus came through the door. My ex brought in everyone and they were loud. Jackson didn’t recognize them and started freaking out.

His stepbrothers started laughing and recording it, his stepdad kept trying to kiss him and his grandparents were just obnoxious.

I told everyone if they could pipe down because Jackson was getting upset. My ex told me not to be rude and I said then get out.

I didn’t invite any of these people into the room. You did. Her mom said “yes we were invited.” I said get out. All of you before I have you thrown out. Everyone but my ex left.

My ex is still expecting me to apologize to everyone.

I’m open to having a conversation but I’m not apologizing if they can’t acknowledge my experience. I was totally rude but so were they. I am also upset that my ex invited everyone without even telling me. This isn’t some school play.

And no my son has no memory between the time they gave him the anesthesia at 8 am until 4 pm when he sobered up.”

Another User Comments:

“Oh, no. NTJ NTJ NTJ. Coming out of anesthesia is one of the freakiest and most vulnerable things a person can experience. I’m an adult and I’ve: punched a nurse because I thought I’d been abducted; screamed at a nurse about why I was in so much pain; made a series of not-very-appropriate blonde jokes; had the same conversation with a doctor multiple times and accused him of lying when he told me we’d had the same conversation three times already.

I’m shocked the hospital allowed such a crowd in. After each of my surgeries, no one’s been allowed into my room until I gave the OK; in your son’s case, the staff should not have allowed anyone in until you gave them the OK. I’d be raising a fuss with the administration about that.

Maybe your ex bullied them, but I’d still be upset about that.” benji950

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did what you needed to do to support and advocate for your son. Your ex was wrong to invite the whole clan. They were not reading the situation and were only concerned about what “they” wanted not the betterment of your son.

As someone else responded, they should have asked when it was okay for visitors. I raised a family member with a chronic life-threatening condition into adulthood. I would have absolutely lost my temper on everyone if they ever pulled that stunt. Luckily everyone knew and asked when to visit in my case.

You had every right to go to the hospital staff to throw everyone out as you had said that you would if they continued. Also, people want nice reactions but in a hospital, things change too quickly and niceties are the first to go. Your son’s reaction necessitated the throwaway of being nice in your response.” CapsFan1066

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The priority is the patient. I can’t imagine coming round from an anesthesia and finding a room full of people. Feeling vulnerable and probably with pain. That is me as an adult. For a child with I suspect first time having an operation.

Yup fair enough to invite but you discuss with partner and child before. Plus at the very least a call just before you leave to visit to make sure the patient is up for a visit.” Pleasant-Squirrel220

“My dad and I have never had a close relationship. He was unfaithful to my mom for nearly a decade so when he wasn’t at home, he was out with countless women.

My mom was my sole caretaker. When I was 18, my dad kicked me out of the house because he found out I had gotten a tattoo while at college. Did I also mention, this was on Thanksgiving day. Luckily, my grandmother let me move in.

However, afterward my dad only would call me to berate me. Tell me I would never amount to anything in his eyes and how I belonged in an asylum when I would argue back with him. My father is very conservative. So he has always told me that I need a man to take care of me.

And I need to marry a good, man who’s of his religion that he approves of. I did not agree with his point of view at all and it really turned me off to marriage for a while.

When I was 21, I met my now fiancé.

We’ve been together for almost two years and we’re getting married in May. He’s been around my family, including my father and everything seemed fine. Everyone loves him and he’s been accepted with open arms. We got engaged in July of 23 and my dad seemed fine.

He had no issues when I told him.

Now, in Sept my mother decided to leave him. This threw my father for a loophole and caused him to spiral for a bit without anyone home with him. He called me every day just to rant about my mom and tell me all these negative things about her.

For the last two months, he has constantly been telling me that our marriage will not work out and I again, will go nowhere in life. I’m throwing my life away, etc etc. He’s not helped me in any aspect of the wedding.

He keeps asking me if I’m going to invite him and I’ve just stayed silent. My fiancé and sister both agree that I shouldn’t have him there since he’s so negative towards the wedding and they don’t want him to ruin my day.

A lot of people have been telling me I need to invite him because he’s my dad and I shouldn’t take that opportunity away from him. I feel like he took that away from himself. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Not only don’t invite him, tell him the date is a week later than it actually is so he can’t crash it.

His narcissism and childish behavior would ruin your wedding. I’d pay close attention to the people telling you not to take the “opportunity away from him.” Whose wedding is it?! Bunch of enablers who think more about him than you?!” Halloween2022

Another User Comments:

“Not only should you not invite your biological father who does not support your relationship, but please take steps to prevent him from crashing your day or sabotaging it in any way.

I’m not this dramatic by nature, but we’ve seen plenty of crazy, malicious antics surrounding weddings and I’d hate for him to spoil any aspect of your wedding day! The gall of a person to tell you what kind of husband you need, when all he did was disrespect your poor mom and disrespect the concept of marriage.

NTJ, of course!” meetmypuka

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Ask people to describe what a father is beyond just providing the biological material and doing what is legally required of them (as in clothe, house, and feed you until you’re 18). I’d imagine he wouldn’t live up to those descriptions.

Your wedding is about celebrating the love between you and your fiancé. Your dad has only commented on how your marriage will fail. That’s neither what a good father would do nor the type of person you want at such an event. You’ve already tried more than you should have to try to have a relationship with this man.

If he wants to fix this relationship, it should be on him to improve as a person; not on you to tolerate his poor behavior.” Own_Purchase1388

“My (27F) partner (28M) and I are both Christians.

He grew up Southern Protestant and I grew up Eastern Orthodox. Over the years we have met in the middle naturally with how we practice our faith, but something I’ve always felt strongly about is not praying out loud. His family always prays before a meal, and I think it’s lovely.

I always bow my head, engage internally, and say Amen. But in terms of saying a prayer, it simply makes me really uncomfortable for two main reasons: I’m extremely sensitive to “public” speaking, always have been and that’s how I am. I’ve grown a lot with my social anxiety but speaking in front of a group just makes me really nervous.

Second, I find prayer, based on my upbringing, deeply personal and private. Essentially like how you would treat a diary entry.

Today at a restaurant with his family, I was thrown totally off-guard by him calling me out to pray. He knows how I feel about this.

I had a bit of a panic moment, so I kinda laughed and was like no you do it! He got very serious and said no. We all sat in silence. His mom asked him awkwardly, “you’re not going to do anything unless she says it?” He said yes.

I asked “why are you forcing me?” He looks me dead in the eye, super serious, and says “Because it’s the right thing to do”. Now I’m DEFINITELY not in the mood to be sensitive and say a prayer, again, it’s deeply contemplative for me and I don’t want to just make up something generic.

I said “I’m not comfortable with that.” His mom finally stepped in and said a prayer. The rest of the meal was very uncomfortable and my heart was racing.

We finally have a moment alone and he almost starts crying saying he was too emotional to pray (we are all together visiting his grandfather whose health is declining) and that he “really needed the support”.

I told him that there was no way I could read into all of that in the moment, my saying a quick prayer wasn’t going to change his circumstances and that it’s not okay to embarrass me like that. He got very serious again and said “you embarrassed yourself” and essentially said I’m a jerk for making things awkward during a tough moment with his family.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is insanely manipulative on his part. You expressed your discomfort and he didn’t care. He then LATER claimed he was uncomfortable and you should have read his mind? Do you see how messed up that is? He created an awkward dinner just to put you in your place.

Do you want to live like that!? PS: it’s fine if you want to be religious, but I always tell women who go out with religious men that they need to be extra vigilant because religion can easily become a tool of abuse.” Quick_Persimmon_4436

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Not everyone is a Chatty Cathy like your SO is. You need to tell him that it has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with your anxiety of public speaking and if he crosses that boundary again with you he can find another person who will put up with his bullying.

Because that was what it was, bullying. And if he wants to pray, do so all he wants. And most definitely isn’t ‘the right thing to do’ as it isn’t the right thing for you to do. And that would be an Amen, sister.” Mustng1966

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That’s definitely a red flag. It seems like he embarrassed you on purpose out of spite or something. You still pray and believe. You should not need to pray out loud in a restaurant with a bunch of people around.

That would freak me out too. I really hope he gets better or that you get out. You should feel safe and accepted by your partner. Good luck with everything!!” Paintgoblin666

“I’m (21M) in a group of friends that include Cam (20M), Ethan (22M), Nick (21M), and Liam (21M).

3 months ago Nick got a partner Shawna (F19), she seemed cool when he presented her to us. But now she is very unpleasant company to have. She is loud, she throws tantrums, she expects everything to go like she wants, she gets bored quickly and insists that Nick take her to some place to dinner during the game.

She doesn’t follow rules and insulted every one of our houses.

Honestly, we don’t even invite her, she comes when we invite Nick, she says she likes Saturday nights with us. The past Saturday my friend Ethan hosted the game night, we were playing Uno and watching a movie.

Shawna started calling the movie boring and wanted to change it, she took the remote and put on a movie she liked. Ethan said that she shouldn’t change the movie when she isn’t even in her house and she just shrugged it off and said “babe tell him to shut up.” Ethan got angry and didn’t say anything, just declared the gaming night over.

Nick and Shawna were the first ones to leave, then Ethan looks at Cam, Liam, and me and asks us if we want to keep playing and we said yes. We enjoyed the night more without Shawna, and Ethan even uploaded an Instagram story.

The next day Nick started messaging us in the group chat and asked us why Ethan said the night ended if we kept playing.

Ethan said he wanted an apology from Shawna. Nick said it wasn’t a big deal, so she shouldn’t apologize, but Nick demanded that Ethan give him and his partner an apology for kicking them out.

I asked Nick if he really didn’t see a problem with his partner, Nick said no and I explained it to him, then told him since I’m hosting the game night this Saturday, his partner wasn’t invited. He said it was unfair and we shouldn’t exclude her, that their relationship has problems right now and we should leave him alone.

I know what he means by that and I told him that those problems weren’t problems at all. I told him that his partner clearly doesn’t want to be in our gaming nights so clearly she shouldn’t even come.

Nick called me a jerk and hasn’t texted or seen the group messages, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think she’s given you a very clear example you can point to and say “she’s not welcome in my home.” She grabbed the remote and changed the movie, then indirectly told you to shut up. I think you’d have the best results if you focus on the facts of this most recent incident.” ricebasket

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hopefully, Nick will come to his senses once they break up. When you bring someone new to an established game night, it should be understood to be a trial visit to see if they are compatible and mesh with the group.

The new person should be mindful, observe the existing dynamic, and try to fit in with the vibe. It doesn’t sound like Shawna understands any of that and has main-character syndrome.” Curious-One4595

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think any of us who have friend-group game nights have had to deal with someone in the group bringing a new partner that simply isn’t compatible.

One of my DnD players brought a partner who had no interest in participating and caused similar havoc as your friend’s partner (he spent a lot of the time mocking DnD and even got wasted and started poking people with a spatula saying he was “LARPing”).

He was disinvited after a couple of failures and we lost her for a while (until they broke up). But it was a huge bummer and our group felt empty for a while when we were adjusting to her absence (in addition to some animosity that was eventually resolved).

I feel for you, man. It’s never fun to have to go through this. But sometimes it happens – people make choices and sometimes those choices cause them to move on from a group (and you’re at “that age”). You are well within your rights not to allow this person to mess up your entire group’s dynamic.

These nights are meant to enjoy yourselves and relieve stress — not cause more. She can control her own game nights however she wants, but she can’t roll into an established group and demand changes to suit her wants.” consolelog_a11y

“My son (16M) approached me yesterday after school and told me that he didn’t want to go to school the next day. I asked him why and he told me that he just didn’t feel like going and he was tired of waking up early in the morning.

I told him that that wasn’t a good enough reason for him to stay home and that if he feels tired when waking up in the morning then he should try and go to bed earlier.

He got upset with me when I told him that and told me that he needs to stay home for the sake of his mental health.

He then told me that making him go to school would only worsen it. I asked him why he thought that and he told me that the kids and teachers at his school irritate him. This made me concerned so I asked him if anyone was bullying him or if he was having problems with some of his teachers and he just told me that he wasn’t and he just finds them annoying.

I asked him if that was the only reason and he told me that it was.

I understood where my son was coming from and I tried to show my understanding. I told him how I sometimes find my co-workers annoying too, but that doesn’t mean I get to skip work just because of it.

I told him that if he is serious about school being detrimental to his mental health then I told him that I’ll try and find him a therapist to help him manage it. He then got even more mad at me and told me that he doesn’t need a therapist and that he only needs time away from school.

He told me that I don’t understand how stressful school can be and that’s why he needs time away. I told him that I do understand, and that a therapist could be beneficial in helping him deal with stress.

He started arguing with me about not wanting to go again and I just got frustrated. I told him that he has an upcoming doctor’s appointment this Wednesday so there’s no need for him to miss both Tuesday and Wednesday.

I told him that I don’t want him to miss days of school unless they are absolutely necessary.

He took this as me telling him that his mental health wasn’t important and then he started telling me that I must not love him if I send him to school.

He then told me that if I try and force him to see a therapist I’ll have something else to worry about?? I asked him to clarify what he meant by that but he didn’t specify. He just told me not to worry about it and to leave him alone.

Cut to this morning, he was very hostile with me from the moment he woke up and was practically ignoring me whenever I tried to speak to him. Then when I dropped him off at school he told me that he finds it weird that I hate him so much and don’t want him to succeed in life??

Then before I could say anything he got out of the car quickly. When I picked him up from school today, I tried to talk about what happened and what he said but he just ignored me and is still not speaking to me?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But at that age, allowing them a mental health day once or twice a year is not going to hurt them academically, but can teach them the importance of self-care. I let my son do it every now and then. He knows it is there if he really needs it.

He does not abuse it. The kids in high school now have been preached about mental health. Meanwhile, adults were taught to push through. A lot of adults don’t know how to do self-care. Instead, they keep pushing through until they crack. Kids learn they don’t need a bandaid if the booboo is not bleeding.

Sometimes, we can’t see the boo-boo from the outside, and we need to trust them. Therapy is certainly in order.” OldMammaSpeaks

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. High school teacher here. Sometimes kids just can’t. Sometimes you have to make them go. I have had students who got into a bad routine of school avoidance.

If this has never happened before and his reaction is unexpected I get the feeling something else is going on. A phone call to his school counselor to give them a heads up that this is going on at home could be helpful to get him on their radar.” CosmicHiccup

Another User Comments:

“Poor baby. I’m going with no jerks here. You really tried to have a conversation with him about what the issue was, to dig deeper and uncover if there was a root problem. He’s a teenager, he’s angsty, and wants more autonomy than he’d know what to do with.

You’re NTJ for wanting to ensure your kid is ok, and that he’s prioritizing his studies. However, mental health doesn’t get the attention it should. (SOME, don’t come after me) Adults can choose to call in sick if they don’t want to work, but children don’t get that same opportunity.

As a parent, I believe in balance. If your kid is 95% a great student with good attendance, I think kids can be trusted with “calling in” infrequently. He’s NTJ for asking. Try to continue the conversation.” KBD_in_PDX

“I (43f) have three kids: 14f (Kayla) 12f (Rebecca) and 13m (Amari). This post is mainly about Kayla, but Reb and Amari are relevant here too I guess.

For some backstory, last Christmas, we went to Miami with my sister and her kid. On the flight (2 hours) Kayla gave my nephew her iPad, since she doesn’t use it during flights, she just reads, and her cousin seemed bored. I didn’t take an issue with it, and neither did my sister.

When we got off, that’s when the terror arose. We fought WW3 trying to get my nephew to stop complaining and whining about the iPad getting taken away because obviously, my daughter needed it back. Eventually (a very long eventually) he stopped fussing. The nephew is 5, and he is the definition of an iPad kid, but in this scenario, my sister always gives him her phone to play games and stuff, and during the flight, her phone died. I didn’t know the reaction would be so bad.

From there, I said never again.

Well at the beginning of April (school break) we are going to Panama City. My sister and her husband are coming, as well as her kid and my kid. We will be covering flights. When I invited my sister’s family to come, the first thing they asked was if their son would be able to have any type of device to keep him entertained (They tried being vague, but we all know what they’re talking about) and I told her that Kayla’s iPad will be off the menu due to his past behaviors.

Upon telling them this, they just immediately asked me to leave and now she won’t respond to my calls or texts or voicemails,

Asking here to see if I’m the jerk because my parents and other siblings think I sure am since I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be with a restless 5-year-old since it’s been so long.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“What?! NTJ. What is this nonsense? First off, unless there’s something you haven’t mentioned going on, why does he need an iPad so badly? He apparently lives his regular life without it, so why can’t they just, idk, actually parent him to teach him he can’t have one even when someone else has one around him?

And if they’ve decided they absolutely can’t, why don’t they just buy him one (or some cheaper tablet since, seriously, he’s freaking five).” HellaShelle

Another User Comments:

“Why is it your job to provide a screen to entertain the five-year-old nephew? The parents should see to his needs.

If this is such a problem, put these people on a different flight or they can just not go?! Or leave your daughter’s iPad at home. Because it is “broken” (if your daughter sees the wisdom of not letting the kid monopolize it and maybe really breaking it).

NTJ.” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your sister wants her 5-year-old to have an “electronic device” of any kind she can jolly well buy him one. There are some inexpensive, age-appropriate devices available. Is it too late to cancel those 4 tickets? It doesn’t seem they are still interested in the free trip.” NanaLeonie

“My parents had me (16f) and my sister (14f).

We lost our dad a few years ago. My mom has heavily favored my sister since she was born. To the point she has raised my sister to be a pretty unpleasant person to be around. At least she is to me. Dad noticed it and called mom out and at some point, they did therapy where apparently it came to light that the grandmother she named me after, was a person my mom had a lot of resentment toward.

Why she named me after her then I will never really know. She claimed not to realize it at the time. But she at least has some resentment toward me based on that. She also had some PPD when I was born and claimed the early months with me were a very dark time.

Whenever we fight, she takes my sister’s side regardless of what happens. Sister takes food off my plate? Won’t get in trouble. If I yell at her for it? I get punished. If I take food off my sister’s plate in return? I get punished.

Sister takes something from my room? Nothing said. I bang on her door after she locked it and try to get it back? Punished for harassing my sister and making noise.

I tell my mom about this stuff happening? She says something about learning how to share or my sister being the baby or my sister needing more so let it go.

My sister loves to gloat that mom loves her more. My sister has told me that mom has told her she loves her but tolerates me. My sister told me mom wishes I had died instead of dad. She told me they talk about that stuff.

She also told me after Dad died Mom pulled all the money from my college savings and put it into hers.

My sister also lies to Mom and claims I did stuff when she feels like I didn’t get in enough trouble recently. In June she got me grounded for the whole month by breaking her laptop and claiming I had done it.

She knew it would be believable too because I resented Mom for buying my sister a brand new gaming laptop while I had to buy a really cheap second-hand one myself, with money from my birthday and Christmas. Mom didn’t even let me say anything and my sister gloated that Mom will always believe her over me.

It came to my mom’s attention a few months ago that my sister is struggling in school in a couple of places and she can’t seem to catch back up easily. But I always had good grades. I could even graduate early in theory, if my school offered that.

They don’t. My mom is aware of this from past years. So she told me a couple of weeks ago that I need to start tutoring my sister before she gets into a hole she can’t climb out of. I told my mom I won’t help my sister.

Mom told me I will and it’s my duty to help. I told her to spend money on a tutor for her favorite daughter because I won’t do a thing to help either of them with this. I told her they don’t deserve my help.

Mom asked how I could put my sister’s future at risk. I shrugged. Mom called me names and slammed a door when she left me. The tension is high because of this and my sister is loving it. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell her you don’t have the time.

Since she allegedly took everything from your college fund, you need to work extra hard for scholarships. Your sister has a cushion you don’t. When and if she denies, bring up all the lies your sister has told you. It’s ugly, but a necessary fight.

You can finally know if they were lies or not. If she doesn’t deny the allegations though, just walk out. Stay in the library longer, or think of getting a part-time job. Anything to avoid them. Stand your ground though. Your sister will put all potential mess-ups on your head.

You don’t wanna be responsible for her grades or future. The duo will likely harass you for the rest of your life saying her life is messed up because you intentionally sabotaged it or something. She likely will ruin it out of spite just like her laptop.

Stay as far away from it as possible.” nobrainer_duh

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Instead of telling your mum it’s about favoritism, tell your mum that you aren’t a good teacher and that your sister deserves ‘the best’, and that you don’t want to be responsible for her grades because you know that ’the dynamic between you isn’t conducive to learning’.

And then don’t do it. Because it’s unpleasant. (This is the hogwash she can lap up because it suits the narrative she already carries right? Not a good truth but a believable one for her.) Hold on hon, in a few short years you will be able to grab your college fund, and hopefully a scholarship and bug out of there fast. Do so.

You deserve the best.” Particular-Try5584

Another User Comments:

“Tell your mom to eat a crap sandwich. If you are in the US you can actually take your GED at 16, I got mine at 17. Luckily my dad’s cousin was on the GA Board of Regents, so he greased the wheels for me.

As soon as I took it (and passed with the highest scores they had seen on a GED at the center where I took it!) I enrolled in college and that was the END of living in my dad’s house, I never went back! I think you have to get parental permission but if you put it like, hey I can go to college NOW and be out of your house your mom might go for it.

Meanwhile, I’m sending healing and the light of protection. Best wishes! NTJ.” 74Magick

“My best friend, we’ll call Amanda, has a crush on our mutual friend we’ll call Alex. Amanda and I have been friends for about 7 years and we’ve only known Alex for a few months. Amanda constantly flirts with and hangs around Alex and it’s quite obvious that she likes him.

For this reason, Alex tends to prefer to hang out with me (the reason unbeknownst to Amanda) because he’s just another friend to me—which makes Amanda jealous that he hangs out with me all the time and not her, even though I have repeatedly told her I am in no way interested in him.

He disclosed to me that he was gay, but told me he didn’t want me to tell Amanda because he could tell she likes him. Amanda proceeded to ask him out the following week after he told me this. They went out after where Alex finally told Amanda he was gay.

Amanda tells me how bad and stupid she feels and how she felt like a test subject and “turned him gay”. I told her I’d known for a while and that she didn’t turn him gay but he didn’t want her to know.

She is now furious at me for making her feel like an idiot and letting her go out with him and won’t talk to me. AITJ for not telling her he was gay?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not your place to share someone else’s business, especially in confidence.

There was no betrayal and it was something he needed to feel comfortable telling her in his time. If she’s upset with you, it’s her own insecurities getting to her.” Saraqael_Rising

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but Alex going out with someone he knows likes him when he knows he’s gay feels super weird to me.

If he doesn’t want to out himself then there are plenty of other things to do rather than let them experience the emotional turmoil of preparing for a date with someone they like. I think Alex may be the jerk here.” FauxAccounts

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, and I can’t believe how many people are telling you you’re not. I’m bi, wife is gay, literally everyone in our lives except 3 of our 4 parents is some flavor of gay, and if any of us went out with a mutual friend of the others who was someone we were inherently not interested in due to our orientation, there would be social trouble to pay.

Alex sucks even more than you do, btw. Being closeted is NOT an excuse to go out with someone who is a gender you aren’t attracted to. The fact that he knew she had a crush on him and that was why he didn’t want her to know suggests he might have thought of using her as a beard and then felt too guilty about it to keep lying to her after the date.

What would you have done if he hadn’t told her? How long would you let your best friend go out with a man you know is gay before you told her? She can’t trust you.” allegedlydm

“A friend of mine lost her job recently, has quite a bit of debt and other financial struggles.

I’ve noticed their behaviors to be slipping towards depression and poor health choices.

As a person who values physical fitness I’ve tried subtly communicating that since they have the extra time right now, they should invest in exercise as it will lift their spirits as opposed to mindlessly scrolling TikTok.

However, nothing has changed.

At some point, my friend asked me for money as a gift or loan due to their situation and I refused as I’ve lent $3000 a year ago that was not repaid even though my friend had opportunities to make payments or communicate to work out a repayment plan.

I made them a deal explaining that I would like to see them take action to improve their mood and offered to pay them $300-$500 per week if they work out 3-7 days per week. This would be paid in cash to them. Not as dollar amounts applied to the $3000 they owe me.

I’ve basically written off the $3000 and don’t expect to see it again.

Now, my friend is not fat at all, in average physical shape, think former cross country runner. However, when she told her friends about my offer, they agreed with her that I was being “controlling” and just subtly calling her “fat”.

AITJ for even offering something like this? I thought it was a generous way to lead my friend into better overall health and did not realize it could be offensive to pay someone to work out.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. This is a weird condition to impose on your friend.

If you’re genuinely worried about her mental health, then be direct about offering her financial help to that end. But this comes across like “you need some money? Dance for me monkey.” You’re setting unnecessary strings to financial aid. Now all of this being said, you have helped her out before and she hasn’t paid you back, so you are under no obligation to do so again.

Just stop being weird.” coastalkid92

Another User Comments:

“Screw all these people calling you a jerk, I don’t care if you were being mean and calling me fat if I was your friend, I’d take the money and work out. (I don’t think you were being a jerk).

I’ll be your friend and I’ll take the $300-$500 per week and I’ll work out. I’ve been wanting to work out to begin with, but I don’t have the money to do so at this point in time.” bootylicious_13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That person is the worst type of person which is those who borrow money from friends and never pay you back even when they could have.

I wish I had a friend like you who cares enough about my physical health that they would literally pay me to get healthier. It’s your money so you are allowed to put conditions on it. Honestly don’t even loan or gift them anything at this point because they have proved they will never pay you back.” Long-Radish18

“For background, I (28F) have been estranged from my father (63M) and his family since I was 10. He left us for his mistress and went to Canada. Ever since then my mom single-handedly raised me and my little sister.

I worked hard from a young age and was able to get a scholarship at a very good university in New York. I develop software and now live very comfortably.

Around mid-2018 my grandmother from my father’s side approached my mother because they were struggling financially with their house, apparently my grandmother’s sister who was handling her retirement money did not pay the remaining mortgage and the bank is foreclosing the property.

My mom being the kind-hearted lady she is asked me to purchase the foreclosed property to help my grandmother and my aunt (+2kids) who lives with her. I didn’t want to help them because all of them enabled my father’s affair so I chose from a young age that I did not want to have any relationship with them.

But I gave in to my mother who said “no matter what happened before your grandmother is old and needs help.” And I thought it would be healthy for me to let go of the grudge I’ve held over my father’s family and we could start a new chapter clean.

A few weeks after I purchased the house, my aunt kept asking me for help with her 2 kids’ tuition fees. My grandmother would also call me every day to ask for an allowance. They would call me at 2 am not caring about the time difference because they NEED money badly.

If they can’t reach me they would hound my mother instead. It all went south when my sister called me crying because she said that Aunt took her new phone from her room when they visited and sold it online because she needed money for her kid’s field trip.

Said aunt justified her actions by telling her that her “rich sister” could buy her a new one. Not knowing that my sister bought that phone by saving her school allowance and she was proud that she bought something on her own.

After hearing that I called my aunt to tell her either she returns my sister’s phone or she can pack up her things and leave the house that I bought.

My grandmother chimed in saying that they wouldn’t have done what they did to my sister if I’d picked up the phone once in a while and helped them and that I’m being selfish and stingy when I have so much. I told her to leave with her daughter too.

I asked a friend to serve them an eviction notice since I’m not in the country. When they didn’t comply, I asked the same friend who owns a demolition company to wait until they left the house pack up their belongings and tear the house down.

By the time they came back, there wasn’t a roof anymore and one of the walls was knocked down.

When my mother knew what I did she cried and said that what I did was wrong and that I should’ve taken the high road since we could’ve bought my sister a new phone.

I’ve heard the same sentiments from my mom’s side of the family too. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ your house and you’re free to throw out tenants (family or not). They sound like bad tenants (theft) and bad family (stole from your sister), which is why I say NTJ, and they would have lost the house by foreclosure, so you actually staved off their homelessness for a time, until they turned out to be terrible tenants.

Holy shoot that was dropping a nuclear weapon level of vengeance though. I’m not a lawyer, I hope you consulted one beforehand because what you did sounds illegal in many places.” squats_and_sugars

Another User Comments:

“Jesus, replace software engineer with JD/MBA and I could have written this post. It took me 10 years to stop sending money to awful relatives who hated me and my mom.

I wasted about $300,000 on mortgages, tuition, plastic surgery, and other crap for my extended family. Even with all that they still stole my identity three times and threatened to kill me or lie about me to the police if I didn’t get them money fast enough.

When I eventually got smart and stopped paying the death threats really started. Calls to my employer. Calls to my local police accusing me of crimes. It was nuts. I wish I had the balls or foresight to just demolish the homes I bought them and moved on with my life early on.

I’m glad you’re smarter than I was. Good for you. Block their numbers and move on. NTJ, but definitely my hero.” SpaceJesusIsHere

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The story is always about how tough it is to evict, but demolishing the home after they started abusing you and your family’s generosity, stealing from your sister, and justifying it is epic.

Your mother is wrong. If you tried to ignore this, it would NEVER have stopped. Why didn’t your grandmother reach out to your father/her son to help?” catskilkid

“I (26F) have been seeing my partner Tony (25) for over 3 years. He introduced me to friends Emma & Andy (both 26) who are getting married this year.

I was asked to be a bridesmaid and Tony was asked to be a groomsman.

I thought it was sweet to be asked because I had only known Emma and Andy for a short time.

I was ecstatic when she told me her bachelorette trip was being combined with Andy’s bachelor party. When we arrived the girls and guys went their separate ways.

Emma said at the beginning of the planning process she wanted this to be separate until the last day. On the first full day of the trip, we go out. During that night, my friend (and roommate on the trip), Kay, goes home early for being too intoxicated.

When we arrive home at 2:30 AM, I find out my door is locked. Kay must’ve locked the door when she got home in her inebriated state. I tried to knock on the door and open it, but she was passed out and I could not get in.

I was still in my going-out clothes with makeup on and very uncomfortable, so I called Tony and went over to his house. It ended up being fine (or so I thought) because Tony had his own room in the boys’ Airbnb.

So, I went over there to try to get some sleep, after waiting up for the other girls to come back to try to get into my room.

Then, in the middle of us asleep, we hear banging on Tony’s door. It ends up being other bridesmaids coming to “collect me” because I “upset the bride”. I walk into the house and go immediately into my room to sleep (they ended up getting the door unlocked).

The next two days come and go and the bride mentions nothing to me about what had happened – I figured she was just intoxicated and cranky. A whole week after we get home from the trip, while I’m at work, I receive a text from Emma informing me I am no longer a bridesmaid “because of my vibe on the trip”.

I was a little caught off guard because she had not discussed anything about being upset with me. We had been good friends for 2 years and good enough to be asked to be a part of her special day.

I responded to her text letting her know I was shocked and that I wish she would’ve talked to me about it so it didn’t come to this.

And I explained my door was locked so I had nowhere to sleep. The conversation ended with her telling me she’s not changing her mind and I was no longer a bridesmaid.

Fast forward 2 months I received a text from Emma telling me she’d like to move on from the whole situation.

She never apologized for being a terrible friend so I said I couldn’t until we had a conversation about all of this. This was at least 4 months ago and we haven’t spoken since.

Invites are going out soon, and I am not going to their wedding.

Tony is still a groomsman and attending because he and Andy are still very close. Tony is okay with my decision to not attend, and so is another bridesmaid.

AITJ for not attending a wedding where I’m no longer in the bridal party?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t think you’re not going because you’re no longer in the bridal party, but because Emma behaved terribly. I get if it wasn’t ideal for you to have to sleep in Tony’s room, but what on earth were you supposed to do — your room was locked (and I assume the other girls weren’t around so you could have at least tried to crash in one of the other bridesmaids rooms, but also I get it….

your partner’s room was very close by). It’s weird to hold it SO against you to the degree of cutting you out of the bridal party and refusing to discuss the issue like a grown adult.” fallingintopolkadots

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Emma is acting like a child.

If an arbitrary rule (bridal parties are separate) is more important than a friendship, it wasn’t much of a friendship, nor was she much of a friend. And then holding in her annoyance for months, then acting on it, then expecting you to go along with it… yeah, these are not signs of a mature adult who can learn and grow and repair hurts that inevitably pop up.” BetweenWeebandOtaku

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – going to sleep with your SO where you feel safe because you’re locked out of your sleeping arrangements is nothing to apologize for. She’s getting married, it doesn’t mean she controls everybody’s life and sleeping arrangements.

I wouldn’t go either.” Effective_Treat9266

“My husband and I chose the name Calla for our daughter who is due soon. Her middle name has not been revealed as of yet but we have chosen one.

My MIL asked if we meant we were naming our daughter Calista with the nickname Calla and my husband said no, just Calla. She asked who came up with the idea and my husband told her we decided the name together and we weren’t changing our minds either.

He said this because she made this face like she was in pain.

A few days later MIL suggested to me that I should seriously consider doing Calista with the nickname Calla instead of just Calla. She said Calista would serve my daughter better as a grown woman.

She told me my family might like unusual names, I’m Lyric for example, but many people struggle because of them and while Calla isn’t that unusual, it’s not as known as Callie and doesn’t have any real nickname options other than Cal, which sounds more masculine.

She told me I never had a nickname to fall back on and Lyric is such a specific name and Calla is as well. She told me to take what we like out of it and think about our daughter’s future.

I told her we did think of our daughter’s future.

It’s why we gave her a name that was not difficult to say or spell but was still uncommon enough not to meet others/many others, with the same name. I told her the name sounded good to our ears on a woman or a little girl.

And for that reason, we would not be using Calista instead.

My MIL told me I wasn’t really listening to her and she had given us a way to still use the name we want but just to do better by our daughter. She accused me of not caring about the impact the name Calla could have on our daughter.

She told me she wouldn’t even bother with my husband since he has always refused to go by his full first name, but she had thought as a mom and as someone with an odd name, I would care more for my daughter’s happiness.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Calla is a completely normal name. Calista is equally unusual. I don’t understand your MIL’s argument. It’s better to just not tell people your future child’s name. They are less likely to make these sorts of comments when the name is already on the birth certificate.” lostalldoubt86

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I see nothing wrong with Calla as a child or adult name. I have taught and still work in professions regularly dealing with children and I wouldn’t even look twice at Calla as a name. It’s nice and a bit unique without being out there and strange.

I think it is a name that will certainly hold up throughout her life. Also nothing wrong with Cal as a nickname for a girl, it’s a bit weird to have an obsession with nicknames anyway? I have a name that can be shortened but nothing has ever really stuck to me because they aren’t me and there is nothing wrong with my name.” The-Third-Child

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell her that you’re done discussing it and if she ever wants to see her grandchild she’ll respect the name her parents have chosen for her and stop bringing this up. This is your child, not hers. If she wants a baby named Calista, she can go away and have her own kid and call it whatever she wants.

If she’s too old for that, well tough luck. Buy her a baby doll.” KittikatB

“In Germany, there are definitely a lot of people who like to watch the Super Bowl. Especially where I am from, because of all the former military bases.

But I am not one of those and neither had been any of my social circle.

That’s also the reason why we get a lot of US American visitors.

I went to the bars with a friend on Saturday. Her date brought another friend. We were chatting while waiting for our friends.

He asked me if I wanted to go to an expat (???) Super Bowl party with him. I denied saying I have to work the next day.

He started saying that Taylor Swift would be shown so there was also something for me (???) Tried to persuade me to take a vacation day because it’s a huge thing etc.

He was being really loud and obnoxious. And I was just doing my friend a freaking favor. I kept saying no, and he was just saying “what you don’t watch the Super Bowl???!” So I just laughed and said, “Not everyone is American.”

He got really mad and said that this is why he hates us and left without waiting for his friend.

My friend and her date got into a fight because of what happened. He called us idiots and left.

Both of them have written us about my comment. I don’t really feel bad, but those two are really acting like I called them a slur.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, this guy seems overly sensitive. Seems like the whole “American” thing struck a chord with him…because he’s likely done something in the past that’s super normal in America but rude in Germany and someone pointed that out.

Whether or not you watch the Super Bowl is a crazy thing to get defensive about so there’s def an underlying issue.” Apart_Cheetah8856

Another User Comments:

“Are you sure you’re still in Germany? And not crossed over to the Twilight Zone? Because this entire thing is unreal. He invited you to a social event, you declined, saying you have to work (which is a common occurrence), then tried to convince you anyway, then got upset you still declined. And you’re the bad guy??????

NTJ. Who are those people.” Broad_Respond_2205

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Some people get really wrapped up in sports culture. Americans who get wrapped up in that type of culture can almost treat it like a religion. I think you were treated remarkably rudely and justifiably matched the energy you were given.

Most smart people watch the Super Bowl for the commercials anyways; you could miss dozens of Super Bowls and you wouldn’t really be missing anything important.” BeardManMichael

“When my husband and I met, he had a 2-year-old son who we will call Tre for this story. His bio mom voluntarily gave up custody and agreed to visitation prior to me being involved. We got married approx.

7 months later and have been married for almost 14 years now. In that time frame, we have had 2 more sons and the bio mom decided to stop visitation over 11 years ago.

When we started seeing each other, I told bio mom I wasn’t there to replace her, that I was there to help parent this little boy.

My husband and I agreed that Tre should have the choice of what he wanted to call me (ex. my name, a nickname, mom, etc.). He chose to call me “Mommy (my name)” and to call his bio mom “Mommy (her name)”. It was mostly to be able to distinguish between us and predominantly call us “Mommy” in person.

His bio mom lost it when he said it to her face. It took hours to calm her down when she was going off because I “let him pick such a disrespectful name” for her. He was 2 1/2.

We tried to be flexible with visitation, but countless times, she was coming to get him and would cancel or bring him back within hours of picking him up for whatever reason she would come up with.

It got to the point that we had to stop telling him she was coming because of the disappointment he had when she canceled. When Tre was 4 1/2, she decided to stop her visitations, brought all his belongings to our home, and walked away without even saying goodbye to him.

I promised her I would never speak badly about her to him and have kept that promise to this day.

He asks questions about her which we answer to the best of our abilities and always remind him that if he wants to have a relationship with her, we will find her.

He has every right to know where he comes from. Currently, he has no interest.

Once, he asked me if I hated her. The answer was easy to me. “I do not agree or like the choices she’s made, but I could never hate her.

Hating her, would be hating a part of you, and I hate no part of you. Without her, I wouldn’t have you.” I don’t want him to hate her. Hate is too heavy to carry.

Somehow, this story was brought up while I was talking to my husband’s mom.

My in-laws and I have had a rocky past because we are just simply very different people. After telling her the story about my son, she said that she would never be able to tell him that, that she hated his bio mom, and was utterly shocked that I didn’t hate her too.

After explaining my side and getting nowhere, I simply said, “If you can’t keep that to yourself, then don’t talk to him at all. He is a kid going through a lot and doesn’t need the weight of your emotions weighing him down.” She was baffled and screamed, “I helped raise that boy until you came into the picture, I’ll say whatever I darn well please to him.” For the record, my husband supports me and agrees not to talk bad about his bio mom to him.

So, AITJ for putting my foot down about this and not allowing her to speak badly of his bio mom to him?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I cried for days when my mom said this about my bio mother “I have nothing good or nice to say about her” because half her DNA is mine, so it really hurt that mom couldn’t find anything good to say about her.

As an adult I totally get it and the only nice thing I say about my bio mother is that she signed the adoption paperwork, but as a teenager, it really hurt. Thank you for not hurting your son, no matter how you feel about his bio mother.” specialkk77

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re absolutely right. I’ll admit I would have a hard time being as gracious as you are, but I like to think I would try. Your MIL might be one of those people who believes you have to hate everyone who makes choices you don’t like–that you either hate someone or support them.

If so, she’s wrong, but it’s a common attitude.” hubertburnette

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re doing it right and keep doing your best to teach him not to hate. You are very correct that hate is a heavy thing to carry. The MIL is in no way right.

I raised my daughter without her mother and it was very important to me that she not hate her. I had friends whose parents used them against each other and it was horrible to see how they turned out in their adult lives. Hopefully, you can keep MIL’s emotions from doing any damage.

Keep up what you’re doing. It will pay off for him, and you, in the future.” Cheesychocolate6866

“My (45m) partner (42f) just had surgery 2 days ago. Her mom flew into town to help her out for a few days while she recovered.

I took some time off work, brought over some groceries, drove them to the store, and spent a few hours each day hanging out at her house, helping with whatever and keeping them company.

Today, I showed up, after a half day of work, took them to the store for some crafts, helped make some food, did a puzzle for a little while with them, and watched a tv show or two. 6 pm came and I let my partner know I’m leaving a couple of hours earlier than last night because my sister asked if I could hang out this evening.

I figured, not a big deal since her mom was still in town to keep her company and help her if she needed anything.

After saying that, she immediately left to the other room and then texted me a few minutes later “I’m really upset by what you just said.

I just had surgery and I don’t feel good, and you can’t even go without seeing your sister for a weekend? That’s a bad choice to make. And you’re proving my fear about always choosing her.”

I told her I didn’t realize a couple of hours would be a big deal, and I would tell her I can’t make it if it’s that big of a deal. She insisted I leave since she was mad at me.

My sister bought two tickets to an event for tonight and her friend had to cancel at the last second, couldn’t find anyone else who could go with her last minute so I said I would go with her, not to waste the tickets. I didn’t tell my partner the reason I was leaving to see my sister and that could have been a mistake or it may have just made it worse to make excuses.

She wasn’t upset at me when she thought I was going home early to get some things done. She got upset when I told her I was going to hang with my sister. I’m annoyed my partner feels like she is competing against my sister.

If it’s of little consequence to her, I’m not sure what the big deal is.

I left to hang with my sister when I could have stayed longer with my partner. It made her feel like she wasn’t a priority.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“We really need more information to judge, like a bit of background on the relationship between you and your sister and how it has affected your SO in the past. Also, how serious was the surgery?

But based solely on your post: 1. It would have been nice to say, “Hey, my sister has these tickets and her date fell through. She asked me to go. Since your mom is here with you, I thought I’d go.” 2. It sounds like you need to have a serious talk about the sister issue after your SO has recovered. Ignoring it will only make things worse.” Master_Post4665

Another User Comments:

“If we dispensed with a few words, I wouldn’t see the problem: you’re both adults and it’s not like you’re leaving her to her own for a long time. BUT I get the impression that there is key information omitted here, from what your partner says about her having had surgery a couple of days ago, still not feeling well, and you too often choosing your sister over her.

Sounds like a long story, which you’ve omitted. There’s a lot of context missing, aside from that long story, like what kind of relationship you have and how long you’ve been together. And from those omissions I might be wrong but smell YTJ.” Mrs_Naive_

Another User Comments:

“Personally that seems like a reasonable decision for you to make. You spent a lot of time with your partner already today, and you’ll only be gone a few hours. “And you’re proving my fear about always choosing her.” Honestly bro if my partner said this to me when I hung out with my sisters, it’d really make me reconsider things altogether.

Is this, like, a regular thing with her getting upset about this? NTJ.” mid_vibrations

“I (37F) let my little sister (34F) and her children (who I love with all my heart) stay at my apartment rent-free while I was living out of my suitcase at my now ex-partner’s house. Mind you this was back in 2022.

I hadn’t been home for a few months due to my relationship and work. I came home one day and found my apartment looked like a storage unit that they were living out of. Metal tool cabinets in my small dining/kitchen, boxes and totes in my living room, clothes all in the living room, a full-length mirror she hot glued to the wall in my bedroom, a hammock swing in my bedroom ceiling, and all 3 of her kids in one room and her in the other.

She is a smoker. I don’t mind those things just not in the apartment.

Mind you I pay $750 in rent and utilities. I was putting new things in my apartment (before they moved in) trying to make it a home for myself and my kiddo (50/50).

For instance, matching bathroom decor that was porcelain, brand new comforter bed set, etc. While walking and talking with my sister through the apartment, which was like trying to walk through a game of Tetris, I found that she let her kids break the tips off my brand new kitchen knives, broke my soap dispenser in the bathroom and my sister claims that my dryer overheated and melted my brand new comforter.

I had my suspicions on that matter because I smelt smoke in my bedroom. In conclusion, she put burns in my comforter and tried to hide it.

I also got stopped by my neighbor telling me that they constantly saw people coming and going out of the apartment at all hours and that she would leave the door unlocked and open for all to see.

And wasn’t paying attention to her youngest while they were outside playing.

Needless to say, I had had enough and told her that if she wanted to continue living there I would transfer the lease to her and I’ll move out. She refused and told me I was being childish and that I should just leave her alone.

So instead I kicked her out (she found a new sugar daddy to live with) and the kids never knew because they were with their dad by that time. So no kiddo was homeless! When I told her this and told her she had a few days to get her things and leave she cursed me out and called me names.

I stayed and made sure she got her things while she tried to hide in my son’s room. I have the whole thing recorded on my phone.

Fast forward to now and she won’t talk to me, even though after our mom passed many years ago we do a flower birthday tradition and we never forget.

This year she was completely radio silent. Not even a Merry Christmas. I wished her though. She blames me for doing her wrong and not giving in to her like I have so many other times our entire lives. AITJ for not giving in???”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. How is it possible to be the jerk in this situation? You let your sister live rent-free in your apartment with her 3 kids for months, and she showed no respect for your property or gratitude for giving her time to save (which sounds like didn’t happen, but you gave her that opportunity).

She’s a jerk who didn’t respect you.” JaxValentine91

Another User Comments:

“NTJ OP. She took full advantage of you and even worse neglected her kids by the sounds of it. You’re a better person than me…. I would have told her ex exactly what was going on and encouraged him to go for full custody.

Your sister sounds like the kind of person who uses everyone, makes REALLY bad decisions and then complains that she’s always the victim!” ColdstreamCapple

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, coming from a recovering addict, you need to understand that this is the first real step at helping her.

Before you were enabling her, no matter what crap she got in you helped her in some way. I don’t know if your sister is addicted to anything or is only smoking but from what you described she is addicted to something. I’ve seen what you are talking about firsthand.

The only way you can help her is by telling her something along the lines of “I’m done enabling you, mom had me promise to help you in life. Not enable you and your decisions. When you are ready to get the help you need I will be here.

Until then I will be waiting.” You will know when she is ready for your help but you can’t force it. It will just push her more away.” [deleted]

“My (F41) son (M20) has been in a relationship with his partner, Lily (F20), for about three years now.

I love my son and I hate to say this, but he’s not turned out to be a good person. He has very little work ethic, has no desire to get a job or go to college, and spends most of his time gaming or partying.

Lily, on the other hand, is the polar opposite. She’s very studious, has aspirations to be a doctor, is a very good swimmer, and is currently away at college.

When my son and Lily first got together in high school, they were an excellent match.

We loved having Lily over and my son definitely took better care of himself. Since then, it’s rapidly deteriorated. I know my son still loves Lily, but he never gives her the attention she deserves and with her clear potential, I just feel she deserves better.

When Lily came to visit a few days ago, she was visibly upset. When my son went to the store, I asked her if she was okay, and she told me that she didn’t know what to do and wondered why my son had such little ambition and was so lazy.

I told her I didn’t see it changing anytime soon (as that’s my view given it’s been ongoing for almost two years); when she asked what I would do in her situation, I told her to put herself first and what she wanted. Lily thanked me and said she’d think about things.

Well earlier today, my son came downstairs in a rage telling me that Lily had broken up with him via text. I asked him what she said and apparently, the message referred to “discussions with your mom” that had made her rethink the relationship. My son was livid that I’d gotten involved and said I’d overstepped boundaries.

I told him that I didn’t advise Lily to leave him, just said she had to make her own choices and decide what was best for her.

My son is now not talking to me and my husband is annoyed believing that having no Lily will make my son’s rut last even longer.

I also miss having Lily around.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you didn’t tell her to end the relationship, you told her to consider her needs. Your son certainly wasn’t. Tell your husband it isn’t up to Lily to get your son out of his rut and maybe he needs to spend more time, teaching him how to be a good man and not a mooch.

Let your son be angry, he will do one of two things stay angry or get off his butt and start pulling his own weight. Too many young adults have little to no aspirations and are more concerned with living in the moment.” many_hobbies_gal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you didn’t tell her to break up with him, you told her she needs to put herself first which is solid advice to anybody. The fact that putting herself first meant breaking up with your son is his issue for being a waste of space.

Your husband can also get in the bin expecting Lily to “get him out of his rut” – if it’s that simple he can get involved and sort it, he’s his son. Besides, who knows? Maybe this will be the kick in the rear he needs to sort himself and win her back (unlikely as this isn’t a rom-com, but never say never).” Elivercury

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your son still has health insurance benefits, require him to go to two appointments. 1. Medical doctor for a thorough checkup. 2. Mental health professional for evaluation and enough therapy sessions to understand where he is at. ‘Lazy’ can mean lots of things.

Also, come up with a plan with your spouse to require your son to make progress.” JustAGal_Love

“I, f31, have a brother, M28, who is hoping to get married to his fiancée, F25. They have been in a relationship for a long time, and have kids and a house together, so she isn’t someone who’s new to the family.

We’re all European, but I own a gorgeous house in Colorado, it is in the middle of the mountains, surrounded by forests, and has huge windows looking out on my acres surrounding. It truly is stunning and a dream come true. A couple of months ago my brother came to me and asked me if they could use my house for a destination wedding.

While I was hesitant to host a wedding in the house of my dreams, I can absolutely understand how my dream home is her dream venue. I told him they absolutely could, but had some rules (despite me not living there).

1) No more than 25 guests.

It truly is in the middle of nowhere so guests would have to sleep at the house and I simply do not have room for more.

2) Nothing that permanently alters anything in or around the house.

3) No smoking indoors.

4) Any damage done by them or their guests would have to be paid for.

Since I’m quite protective of the house I offered to decorate and find a caterer, and that’d be my gift to them. So, I’m providing them with a venue, food, and decorations. I am currently almost 10k into my ”gift” because it’s my brother’s wedding and it’s what I wanted to do.

Now, things have hit the fan. His fiancée decided she needed at least 45 guests. While I was willing to be flexible by one or two, but 20? Nah. I asked her if she wanted to stack them and she got salty. On top of that, she wants me to pay to fly her family in because I fronted the money to my other brother (he is paying me back) because he couldn’t afford a ticket.

I told her no, and again I got sassed. On top of that, she wants me to build a pergola (which I actually considered), paint my living room (cover up the beautiful wood, so no way), and also pay for the drinks.

I said no, I’ve done enough.

She has now taken it upon herself to tell people I’m coming back on my promises, that I left her hanging, that she can’t afford the super expensive wedding I ”made” her plan, and even went as far as to uninvite my grandparents, just to spite me (her words were ”you wanted me to cut back on guests so I’m picking your family).

I’m getting at least two messages a day asking me why I’m ruining her day, if I’m jealous…

Today, she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my ”rescues” (two of my children are adopted) would not be invited either.

While I find it absurd that she thinks she can uninvite me from my own house, the fact that she referred to my kids as ”rescues” has me absolutely fuming.

I am considering canceling the whole thing, but would be royally screwing over my brother in the process, who has done nothing wrong.

So, is her mess overshadowing my need to protect my brother from a giant financial hole? I don’t know.

WIBTJ?”

​Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “Today, she called me to tell me that if I keep going out of my way to make her miserable, I and my ”rescues” (two of my children are adopted) would not be invited either.” You’re a calmer person than I am that you didn’t tell her the thing was off then and there.

Someone who said that to me about my kids wouldn’t be family to me anymore, let alone someone I’d consider hosting a wedding for.” ardent-gleaner

Another User Comments:

“I am sorry, but “My brother has done nothing wrong”, are you joking me? He hasn’t stood up to her, has allowed her to disrespect you, and hasn’t done anything to stop her publicly lying about your character – doing nothing is very much being complicit in this case.

But you need to put yourself and your children first here. Your brother is putting his fiancée first, so you need to show the same respect to your children and cancel this mess. You will be doing your brother a favor. You also need to set people straight on what she is like.

NTJ.” Rainbowbright31

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You went out of your way to help her and your brother. And she is still wanting more. Even if you agreed with the extra things that she asked for, I think she would still ask for more. And there would be no end to that.

Good for you for setting up boundaries. She seems very unreasonable, selfish, and out of touch. And calling your kids “rescues” is out of the line and just shows you what kind of person she really is. If they don’t have money for the destination wedding, then they shouldn’t plan one in the first place.” npctrucker

“I 27f have an older sister Kara 45f. We have a big age gap but are still quite close and she is basically like another parent to me, and we got much closer when our mom died when I was 14. Kara basically raised me and is very overprotective, but in the past, I have asked her to give me some space.

I have always been career-focused and went out with people casually and nothing long-term. Most of my friends are married and some with kids so we are all at different life stages. My one and only serious relationship beyond 2 months was with my ex-fiancé Ted however we broke up last year.

I struggled to move on and only started recently casually seeing people, but I miss Ted so I can’t commit to anything. Kara helped me through the breakup, but she wanted me to get back together with Ted as she really liked him and even suggested that I pass up the job for him.

Kara really wants me to settle down like she has and I just think we are too different in that. She is a SAHM to 3 kids and basically raising a fourth as her husband doesn’t lift a finger around the house and will kick up a fuss if the house is messy or there’s no food on the table.

I don’t like my BIL at all, and have encouraged Kara to discuss with him about getting him to help out around the house.

Kara called me again last night to encourage me about starting to see people again, and that she set up a blind date for me and honestly I feel that’s the only thing we’ve spoken about for the past few weeks.

She said she just wanted me to be happy like she was, but I then told her that her life is my biggest nightmare. She got upset and said I was being too harsh.”

Another User Comments:

“I mean, yeah, YTJ for saying it like that.

Your sister raised you while also dealing with your mother dying. That’s a lot, OP your sister probably did a lot more for you than you will know. To say her life is a nightmare is absolutely awful. It sounds like you want her to step back but it will take a while for her to do so when she feels responsible for you in your mother’s stead.

She seems to know her husband is an issue. This could be her trying to convince herself it’s not that bad. Why don’t you really talk about your concerns about BIL? Change the dynamic, if you want her to stop acting like a mom then start acting like a sister.

As for her being concerned about you being married, did you ever consider that she might be worried about what will happen to you if she were to die? How old was your mother when she passed? Is your sister a similar age now? Something to think about OP, this is more than just a convo.” Sad_Lotus0115

Another User Comments:

“Gentle YTJ – you could have said it better. I can understand the frustration of her pushing her idea of happiness on you. But you could have found a way to communicate that without sounding judgy about her life choices. “I’m glad you are happy, but the things that make you happy aren’t the same for me.

I want different things and I hope you can understand that. If you want me to be happy like you are, help me figure out how to achieve the things I want rather than the things that you think I need.”” Greylen

Another User Comments:

“If Kara basically raised you from when she was 14, maybe she didn’t have the opportunity to focus on school/her career the same way you did? Maybe she didn’t have the chance to grieve the same way you did? Maybe she found out that her nurturing side was a strength, and that she’s really cut out to devote her life to being a mom?

So the life she lives now wasn’t her original dream, but that she feels fulfilled and valuable. Having you say her life is a nightmare probably made her feel less valuable and that you weren’t grateful for the sacrifices she made, so you’re a little bit of a jerk for what you said.

Maybe sit down and talk through what you want in life, and that it’s not necessarily the same thing that she likes, and that you need her to support you. But also apologize for what you said. I get where you’re coming from, but it was mean.” charismatictictic