People Question Their Actions in These Mesmerizing 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

“After my 16-year-old brother showed that he was gifted at this sport, Dad went a little crazy. It’s fine usually, but he’s started to belittle all the other kids on my brother’s team.

Saying things like they’ll never be good enough, how they suck, how my brother carries the team. While I’m not the most knowledgeable about this sport, I do know enough that while my brother is very good, their success is a team effort.

Also, it’d be one thing for Dad to say all this dumb stuff in private, but he says it in front of the kids and their parents.

One of the kids on my brother’s team suffered a breakdown and my dad found out and would not stop making fun of him.

We’re all uncomfortable and he finally stopped making fun of him (and other kids) after mom and him had a nasty fight.

Well, the whole family was at a family friend’s dinner party and so were the parents of the kid who had the breakdown.

I wasn’t there when it started, but Dad and the kid’s father got into a fight. I’m ashamed to say but Dad started it by comparing the kid to my brother and insulting him. I was horrifically embarrassed and my brother was even worse.

Mom apologized to the kid’s parents and no longer spoke to dad unless it was to fight. Same with my brother.

I’m the only one who still talks to him. He seemed to finally realize how terrible he’s been and told me that he felt like a jerk.

I usually just smile and tell him he should apologize and make up for what he’s said and he says he will. But I’ve begun to notice that he’s all talk, and his “talks” are becoming increasingly more self-pitying.

I was so over it last night that when he started to “discuss life” with me I immediately told him that I don’t want to hear it and will no longer entertain his ridiculous thoughts and feelings.

He looked extremely upset and said I’m the only person he can talk to and that he’s human and he made a mistake blah blah blah. I told him to seek counseling then before going to my room.

I later found out he left the house and mom’s saying he’s staying at my grandma’s house for a while.

I feel like a lousy daughter now because well… I was probably the last person left for him. And he cares for me and it’s not like I’m this innocent perfect person but that never stopped my dad from listening to me and loving me.

I’m a little too overwhelmed with guilt so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if dad needed someone to talk to, he should start with the kid and parents he treated so terribly.  I would hope he’s earned a ban from attending games, and I would hope that other families will blackball him until he learns to behave like a decent human being.” AnnoyedRedheadedMom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Look I appreciate your empathy. You seem like a caring individual BUT you are not responsible for his terrible, terrible actions NOR are you the pallbearer for his feelings. HE messed up, not YOU. He needs to stop whining and OWN HIS actions.

The sad sack I messed up please feel bad for me act is gross for a grown man.” runedued

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is not your job to be your father’s whole world. That is way too much pressure to put on any one person, let alone his own child.

It is completely unfair to you, you cannot personally shield him from the consequences of his actions. You told him what you needed to hear. He does need counseling to get to the bottom of why he’s behaving like this. And a counselor is the one he should be processing his feelings with, not you.” JustheBean

“My partner (25m) and I (23f) have been together for 2 years. Last year, he gave me a Kitchenaid stand mixer for Christmas as I cook and bake regularly.

He sometimes makes little passive-aggressive comments about how I don’t use it enough or how he can’t afford to get me something that expensive very often. Before this past Christmas, I told him to please just get me something small and romantic. I told him I didn’t want him to spend a lot of money, I just wanted a thoughtful surprise.

He’s never given me anything that I didn’t help pick, and I pride myself on finding good gifts.

Last fall I mentioned that I would very very hypothetically like new skis at some point. Mid December we were at REI and he started asking me questions about skis I clued in pretty fast and told him not to get me skis as they’re too expensive.

I also jokingly told him he’d already ruined the surprise and he had to pick something else. I hoped he’d take a hint but I kept it light because I didn’t want him to feel bad.

Christmas came and he got me skis and bindings totaling almost $1000.

He told me the price proudly, like he didn’t do exactly what I asked him not to do. We don’t have much disposable income, and my partner is constantly stressing about money. I was disappointed in the gift but I hid it.

Then a week later we were arguing about other financial worries and I snapped. I told him he should return the skis.

I don’t ski as often as I used to, I have skis already, and it’s barely been snowing. I don’t want to feel guilty if I don’t use them enough. I told him I love and value the effort he put in, though.

He was understandably upset. I didn’t return them, but it’s come up a couple more times and the more I think about it the less I want the skis. They’ve just been sitting in our spare room and I feel sick every time I go in there.

I’d rather he put the money towards all the other things he’s constantly telling me he needs money for and try again next time. I tried to explain my feelings to my partner again last night but he just didn’t get it and it turned into an argument.

I told him it was my Christmas present and I didn’t understand why he wanted me to keep it if I didn’t want to, which I regret saying. When we cooled down, I told him gently that I was sorry but I was done talking about this.

AITJ for telling him how I feel?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You specifically told him you didn’t want them. He bought them anyway. Now he’s complaining about money. I see one of two things here: either he’s so proud that he was able to show you how much he cares by buying you something really expensive that he thinks you secretly wanted, or he’s using the gift as a sort of emotional blackmail.

“I’m suffering because I got you this really expensive Christmas present.” If it were me, I’d return the skis, maybe buy an expensive pair of gloves with the return money, and put the rest in the savings account. But, what do you think his reaction would be?

Would it be another fight or worse?” cordelia1955

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- I get that he wants to buy you something nice and that you have said you would like but when you specifically told him to get you something nice and romantic and then he buys you skis.

Unless he’s planning a romantic ski trip (Which I don’t think he is) then it’s not romantic at all. If he’s getting annoyed at you maybe you’re not saying it too nicely. If he’s getting that annoyed I don’t think you should return them as your relationship will go badly in the long term.” Typical-Record9035

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all — he’s using money to make himself feel good by buying you something expensive instead of listening to you or thinking about your own needs. NO ONE should tell another person the price of a gift when they present it unless the thing they’re proud of is getting an amazing bargain discount under $10.

Return the skins and possibly the man if he keeps acting like this.” ViolaVetch75

“I (24f) was sorta obese as a teenager and was bullied and fat-shamed by my brother, Matt (27m), and his fiance, Siera(27f) in high school.

My brother and his fiance were high school sweethearts. They started seeing each other when they were 16 and got engaged last year in June.

I got into a college in another state and met my then-partner, John(25m) when I was 21.

Matt’s and Siera’s wedding is in 2 months.

A week ago I went back to my hometown to meet my parents and everyone else as well as introduce them to John. Everyone expected to see the old fat me but I had gotten quite a glow up. Well that is because John and I used to go to the gym, library as well as basketball dates.

Due to this he and I are very fit. I have gotten rather healthier both mentally and physically. And each weekend when John and I used to go out we used to eat our favourite dishes and food that would make us happy. Hence, he and I had gotten into a healthy relationship with food, exercise as well as ourselves.

Well my mum and dad were very happy to meet John and were glad that I was in a good relationship.

Well, Siera had a bit of an unpleasant reaction seeing my current situation. Well as it turns out, the girl that bullied me for my weight herself had turned obese.

So yesterday, John and I along with Matt and Siera went out for dinner. It was the weekend and I was quite hungry so I ordered some heavy food (I was gonna pay my share of the bill). While Siera only ordered a salad. When she heard my order she freaked out and started screaming at me that I ordered junk food and all just to make her jealous of my weight.

And she started demanding that I change my order.

Matt was also on her side and insisted that I just eat a salad for her sake. I told him that why doesn’t he eat one if he wants to make her feel good about herself.

They both went off on me about how much of a jerk I am and how I am fat-shaming her.

Then they said that neither I nor John was invited to their wedding.

John just simply called the waiter and asked him to shift him and me to a couple’s table and bring our order there.

Matt and Siera told all of our relatives a twisted version of their story and everyone is mad at me for fat-shaming her.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That’s hilarious, bullies are usually only spewing out their insecurities at others to make themselves feel better anyway.

How unfortunate she let herself go and ended up turning into what was, I’m sure her worst fear, and is even more insecure and paranoid than before because of it. Ignore them, just tell your parents what happened, and hopefully, they can sort out the rest of your family.

And continue living your best life because that will rile them up even more. Edit to add, you didn’t fat shame her, she fat-shamed herself.” northerntropicaz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I think a group text message to everyone who is hounding you is in order “Dear family, there is some misinformation being spread about the dinner between Matt, Siera, John, and myself so I’d like to set the record straight.

At this dinner, I ordered what I wanted to order and Siera proceeded to yell at me because I wasn’t ordering just a salad like she was. Then Matt felt the need to tell me I should eat a salad as well and became angry when I wouldn’t.

After years of being bullied for my weight by both of them, they cannot stand that I have become more active and have a better relationship with food. Sierra’s insecurities are not my problem and I will not be bullied by her any longer.

I will not allow people to dictate what I eat based on their own choices, I respectfully decline to attend the wedding and wish them both the best.” seanthebean24

“I (24F) moved out 3 years ago when I was 21. My mom had housed me for a while because I had gotten kicked out of my apartment and needed some help. She’s always treated me as her baby because I am her youngest child. She cooked for me every day and always bought me whatever I wanted.

When I moved out, I gave her my new address so that if she ever felt lonely she could come visit me. Of course, she came by often. At least 3 times a week. I didn’t mind it, she’s divorced and has no one with her.

My sister (29F) is a doctor and lives at her hospital. My mom can’t ever really visit her so she comes to me. I’ve never had a problem until 8 months ago.

About 9-10 months ago I got a partner and he’s moved in with me.

My mom hadn’t known about him, so as you can expect, she was very surprised when she came by my house and saw him. She started asking him so many questions. Some of her questions were so personal, things she didn’t need to know.

Of course, she started asking me why I needed a partner when I had her. She told me that he was just playing with me. Which I know isn’t true. She was just really trying to get in my head. Why? I’m not sure.

But anyway, she kept telling me this stuff for a while. Until one day, she came into my house while I was working and took most of my partner’s funds. Luckily, I have cameras so I caught her in the act and threatened her with the police.

She stopped doing this until last month when she came back in and took much more stuff. I again threatened her with the police but she didn’t care. She said that she was just looking out for me. I told my partner and he suggested to tell her that if she came back to my house then I would call the police and get a restraining order against her.

I agreed and told her that. She was not happy at all to hear that. She then called me a bunch of things (like an egocentric jerk) and said that if I didn’t want her there then she was just gonna go over to my sister’s house instead.

I told her I didn’t care. Then she started to break down and told me that I didn’t love her. I told her I did love her but what she was doing was wrong.

She’s stopped talking to me so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ!!! Should’ve reported her to the police after the second B&E and property theft. She’s overstepping boundaries and making it clear she doesn’t care about the consequences. She’s jealous that you now have someone new that you’re more intimate and close with.” User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re a grown adult now. Your mother is allowed to give you advice about your life, however, she seemed to take matters into her own hands when you didn’t listen to her which was where she went wrong. You set your boundaries with her and she crossed the line.

You did nothing wrong. On another note, your mom sounds like she has a lot of issues and needs to talk about it with a proper professional. She sounds like a great person minus the whole partner debacle and if I were in your place, I’d try to get her help.” Mental_Leader_1932

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I do understand her asking him questions though; Your mother visited you 3-4 times a week. And she didn’t know you had a partner until he all of a sudden lived there? (If you have an open invite to your daughter’s house, and you get there one day as usual and suddenly out of nowhere a man is living there I’d be wary too) Also; does your mom have mental problems or acted like this before?

Why didn’t you call the police the second time? You’ve caught her stealing once. Threatened to call the police. You caught her a second time. I would’ve called the police then and there and get a restraining order.” Remarkable_Spite9454

“I don’t know where I stand on this, backstop, my daughter (9F) has had a few sleepovers with 5-8 friends over the last year.

We get them McDonald’s & buy a stupid amount of snacks, set inflatable beds in the living room, and move upstairs for the night so that they can watch movies and chat about whatever 9 & 10-year-old girls chat about. Each time she’s had a sleepover Anna hasn’t been able to come (by her parents) because my daughter’s best friend Bea used to be mean to Anna and they don’t want her around her without them to supervise.

Anna is close to my daughter Chloe and has stayed over by herself a few other times.

So, Chloe is organizing a sleepover for next weekend. She invited the usual bunch, but Bea said that she was unable to attend. Anna’s mum said that Anna could attend this sleepover as Bea would not be there, and Chloe was excited that Anna would come to a group sleepover this time.

Chloe told Bea that Anna was coming, and the next day, Bea said she could come after all, and she would be there regardless of Anna, and that Chloe would have to tell Anna she couldn’t come anymore, saying it was not Bea’s fault that Anna can’t be around her (Chloe says that Bea used to be mean to Anna sometimes when they were playing games and Anna didn’t do what Bea wanted, but that they get on fine now, Anna’s mum has told me that Bea is still mean to Anna)

So I told Chloe that it’s her decision but that I don’t think Bea is being fair saying she can’t come and then saying she can once Anna has said she’ll come and that it’s not fair on Anna if she’s now not allowed to come.

Chloe agreed with me and told Bea that she couldn’t come because she wanted Anna to experience a group sleepover, and that it’s not fair she doesn’t get to due to Bea being mean to her in the past (maybe ongoing). Bea is not speaking to Chloe and Chloe is upset about this.

I have given Chloe the option to cancel the sleepover to help the hard feelings blow over, but she rightfully said that then Anna still doesn’t get to come to the sleepover so Bea has “won”

Anyway just wanted your opinion, AITJ for saying that Bea cannot come.

It feels like we’re excluding her and she’s been best friends with Chloe since nursery so I don’t want to upset her, but I don’t feel it’s right that Anna is always missing out?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ “Bea said she could come after all….and that Chloe would have to tell Anna she couldn’t come anymore Your daughter Chloe then stood up for Anna and told Bea she couldn’t come to allow Anna to come and enjoy herself” Bea is not speaking to Chloe Good.

Problem solved. Bea tried to bully Anna into not going by changing her mind and going, and informing Chloe to disinvite Anna for her. No. Your daughter needs to understand Bea isn’t a good friend to any of these people including her.” dart1126

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This seems like a mature way to handle the situation, and your daughter seems pretty mature and empathetic too. It that your NINE YEAR OLD is more pragmatic and fair than most of the people I work with XD” alexmack667

Another User Comments:

“Cancel the sleepover.

Citing family matters to attend to. And let your child plan another sleepover without inviting the bully. Bully needs to learn she will not be invited and her behavior will not be tolerated. By continuing to invite her, you are condoning her behavior. And FYI, bullies change who they bully based on which way the wind blows.

Your daughter may be next on the Totem pole….. Edit: so I can see all the parents here who wish to give all the children a star. No wonder we are where we are with children these days. SMFH….. I feel sorry for the next generation.

My daughter is 25 and we taught her how to deal with bullies. She’s never been to jail, had no tattoos, had no pregnancies, and no abusive partner. Graduated college with, a successful career. So good luck to y’all pansies who can’t teach their children right from wrong.” No-Presentation-6525

“I am a 16-year-old girl and for the sake of the story, I’ll go by Kayla.

I have a friend group of 4 but am having issues with Sadie (17 f)

Firstly, Sadie refused to come with me to a school state game. To explain, one of the other girls in the group “Bailey” was going with me and the other was playing in the game (Tara).

I invited Sadie from the start. We live an hour away from the arena and it was a drive I’ve made before. Sadie said she was unsure of me driving and I understood. However, she began asking others for rides and claiming that I had never invited her.

That wasn’t the truth, I had invited her before Bailey. Sadie is perfectly capable of driving herself. She will call me if she has to drive anywhere besides school because she is scared. Instead of going with me or the other girls, she went with Tara’s parents.

Another issue is that she feels the need to comment on my family issues. I was saying how I needed to get gas, she asked why my mom wasn’t paying. I told her that I drove the car and it was my responsibility. She replied, “Your parents shouldn’t have had you if they couldn’t support you.”

She has been talking bad about me to my friends. She said that I’m extremely jealous and don’t want her to get a partner. I asked those who told me where this came from and they told me Snapchat. Sadie had told me who she liked and the guy had a partner.

When I told her she didn’t believe me. She tried to add him on snap but I reminded her that he’s taken and he would be able to see that she added him by search. She said that was me being jealous. However, with both of my ex, she would try and flirt with them and add them.

Not that it matters but she has never had a partner. But she does say that she knows more than me.

I have been working for about 4 years and at the moment I have two jobs. Sadie told me that she knows more about jobs because she has worked at the after-school care for 4 months.

I sent her a text message addressing the concerns and asked for a time when she could meet or call. She called me and apologized for everything but said she didn’t feel like she was in the wrong.

When talking to Tara, she told me I should’ve let it go.

She said Sadie is an emotional person and I was completely overreacting. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- Sadie is one of those people who needs an antagonist in their life’s story. You should distance yourself and let her find someone else to give the role to.” EdelwoodEverly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She sounds toxic and jealous. You stood your ground in a perfectly reasonable way. I think your other friends simply don’t want to rock the boat so it’s easier for them to follow her lead and let you be the scapegoat until things blow over.

I’m glad you have a good friend in “Bailey” Just try to avoid engaging with her as much as possible, things will naturally change after school anyway. She just wants to pass her insecurities off onto you because she seems to have this need to prove that she’s better or could easily get the things you already have.

Be patient. The best way to beat her is not to let her drag you to her level.” Tachibana_13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. From the context you’ve given me, it doesn’t seem like you’re the jerk here. She was talking bad about you behind your back and flirted with your exes while you were with them.

I’m surprised you’re still friends with her at all tbh. Honestly, it sounds more like she’s jealous of you than anything else. Besides, from what you wrote here, it doesn’t sound like you blew up at her. You said that you messaged her with your concerns.

If that’s the case then it sounds that you handled it much better than most people would’ve.” Lem0n_Dr0p_

“I have 3 friends, none of them are in my classes.

I’ve been getting a gut feeling that something is down. It’s rough for us because we have exams soon, I’ll give you guys details about what we usually do.

They’re my best friends, I love them and I would never want to stop being friends with them. Usually, I go to their classes to meet them in the first period, and so in the break. Only in dispersal, did they come to my class to pick me up,

Yesterday, I was really tired from studies because I had just been given a 4-hour test, so I went to take a break secretly, I came back home late and I was just tired not wanting to be on call, my friend’s video called (and mind that I told them I’m tired to be on call, and only joined because I was feeling left out.)

1) I didn’t get greeted. No one even said a word to me, so I gave up, I started to play guitar on call and muted myself.

2) One of my friends had background noise, and we couldn’t hear each other

3) I was telling my friends something and got no response like 3-5 times.

4) I was talking AGAIN and got no response, so I assumed they just didn’t want to listen, then I said “If you guys don’t want to listen, just tell me” in our language.

5) My friend who (I don’t know) was listening to me, told my friend to mute because they couldn’t hear me.

(I didn’t hear that because of my friend’s background noise.)

6) When my friend heard that I gave her a “joking argument” she left the call and ignored me the whole night.

7) I just went on mute because I thought they didn’t care and started to reply to my guitar, she said I do this all the time when the blame IS ALWAYS on me.

Even when it’s not my fault.

I finally stood up for myself and was told that I was victimizing myself. This is teenage drama. Total teenage drama, but it hurts.

Today, I didn’t see them, or talk to them, and they didn’t even bother coming or showing up to my class, I didn’t come either because my mom recommended I give them space, they need to learn not to take me for granted or just simply respect me.

Now I feel like I’m acting like a jerk who’s victimizing myself.

I need HONEST feedback, what should I do, how should I do it, and if I’m being the jerk.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk. You’re too tired to be involved in a call, but then you’re fuming that you don’t have to be involved. … Much ado about nothing!

The friends are jerks because they’re complaining about you being dramatic by dramatically victimizing you after being irritated that you victimized yourself. Tell them you were just mega tired and got way too dramatic and thanks for giving you space to get yourself sorted because you needed it.

If they don’t move on and get back to normal then THEY’RE being dramatic. I wouldn’t go back to being a teenager for ANYTHING. What a horrible time, it gets better though.” Hooked_Hippokettles

“I have 4 kids and a husband. We have 2 small dogs. ( dogs are 4 and 7 years old) I work part-time and my husband works full-time. Most of the childcare and housework is my responsibility. Husband is great with the kids but not so much with housework. He is very involved with the kids in the evenings and weekends.

He always gives me a break from the kids on the weekends. My biggest stress is our 2 little dogs. They are sweet and the kids love them. My husband loves them! The dogs drive me crazy every day!

They are not well trained. They don’t have accidents in the house, they know to go outside to relieve themselves, but… they mark on anything new we bring into the house.

Kids toys, a fake plant, a new doormat. They were even marked on my Christmas tree. I was so furious. They throw up sometimes and I have to clean it. The kids will give the dogs some food they are not supposed to have then the dogs get diarrhea and I have to clean it up.

The dogs are also very attached to me, right by my feet whenever I walk around. I cannot tell you how many times I have tripped or almost tripped coming down the stairs because they want to walk right with me. Often I’m holding the baby coming down the stairs yelling at the dogs to go away.

I feel like I’m always angry. Every day morning till night I’m just angry with the dogs. I hate it. They ruined our backyard door scratching and chewing at it. They never want to play in the backyard they always want to be inside. They get into the trash, the list goes on.

My husband and I fight about the dogs a few times a month. He says he will train them better and do more dog care, but he can only do that on Saturday and Sunday. Mon-Fri it’s me who has to take care of them.

No one takes them for walks and the kids barely play with them.

I feel like a jerk. The reason why I’m asking if I’m the jerk is because I’m the only one in the house who hates the dogs. The dogs are sweet with our kids, the kids are small all four are under 6 years old.

(Yes four kids under 6 years old is crazy) when I bring up rehoming the dogs with my husband he gets sad and begs me not to.

I don’t know what to do. It probably sounds like a dumb issue or that I’m some dog hater but I’m just overwhelmed.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like OP is legitimately at its limit and the dogs are becoming a health and safety hazard. If the husband cannot (or will not) take more effective and consistent steps to train them the best solution for all involved (inclusive of the dogs) is to rehome them.

This situation does not sound healthy or sustainable for any of the parties involved.” ABeerAndABook

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. It sounds like the dogs would be best served by being in a new home with the capacity to take them for walks and train them.

All the marking and relieving themselves can be a sign of stress. Or your hubby must step up. Full-time work does not prohibit taking them for walks twice a day, or getting a dog trainer! Even if kids are under 6 if they feed the dogs stuff they should be involved in cleanup.

This is also a hazard to the poor dogs. Rehome. An exhausted and potentially injured mom-to-four trumps a sad hubby.” AdFantastic9892

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is A LOT! First off, want to say I love dogs too but I would not stand for what you are enduring.

I would not, in essence, turn my home over to dogs who are more destructive and needy than I can tolerate. You are a very busy mom, clearly, and taking care of these dogs too is, it seems, tipping you over the edge. Your husband needs to see this and help you remedy it.

Maybe someday your family will be able to take on the responsibility a dog entails, but I’d say that time is not now. Good luck with this! Have to add, that when my daughter’s two girls were young, they had a Lab that the girls loved. This dog was sweet and unmanageable.

It turned their home into a place that was not pleasant to be because the dog was constantly doing something he shouldn’t. After four years of turmoil, they rehomed him. Several years later they got another dog, one that fit beautifully into the family and was trainable.

That dog just passed and we all miss her.” Realistic_Head4279

“So my uncle came to visit my family and me to help us with our move (I’m a recent college grad who’s living at home). I had already been planning where I wanted things to go in my room and only asked for MY DAD’S help with building my new dresser and nightstands.

My uncle was doing some other stuff so I didn’t even mention it to him, felt like it was selfish of me to ask him to dedicate all his time to my room when there was so much to be done. He took offense to this (in a joking way I hope) and immediately took over building everything.

I told him to thank you, of course, this one he accepted and left because I had to go to work. Mind you I told him to just build the dresser and nightstands.

When I got back home, basically all of my boxes had been unpacked. He did literally EVERYTHING.

He hung up all my photos and posters in the way he saw fit, found a way to put my standing full-length mirror that has legs on the wall, put all my clothes away, and then forgot how he ordered them, and he didn’t even put my dresser in the place I told him to.

The way he hung everything up made zero sense, I could immediately tell a middle-aged man set up this room (sorry to that community but y’all know what I mean). I was kind of shocked when I walked in because I was not expecting that, so I will admit that “thank you so much” was not the first word that came out of my mouth.

I think I said oh wow or something, and my uncle started getting all upset. He said I was unappreciative and rude, even though I told him I was very grateful and sorry once the shock factor wore off. Now I have to wait until he leaves to rearrange my room in the way that I want and I know it’s gonna take forever (I would do it rn but my mom told me to wait).

She said that I needed to be more understanding since he probably put a lot of effort in, which I get and is the reason I even said thank you in the first place but come on. It’s not like I looked disgusted when I walked in, but I just did not ask him to do all of this.

Now it’s awkward in the house and I want some validation.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Calling you rude and ungrateful is disrespectful. Especially as this isn’t his house or his stuff. He did something you never asked for and now because he decided he knew better you have to redo it.

Moving is stressful. Especially as you try and figure out where to put things. Having to do a scavenger hunt because he unorganized the pack boxes means you’ll be looking for things for a long time.” Mikkelsen

Another User Comments:

“I’d be horrified that he went through all of your stuff to unpack it.

That’s a major breach of your privacy. The truth was he only made more work for you and put holes in your walls for mirrors and pictures in places you don’t want. What was he even thinking honestly? I am pretty sure next time he visits he will look in your room and make you move it.

It wasn’t about being ungrateful it was about someone refusing to listen and breaching all your privacy.” Sweet-Interview5620

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and he essentially invaded your privacy by going through all of your personal belongings. I would be livid if anyone in my family went through my things.

And yet he calls you rude and ungrateful. He is the rude one for touching your property. And for me, I completely disagree with your mom. And if you have the time right now, then start fixing your room to your liking. And make sure he knows that it has made you uncomfortable that he went through your personal space and invaded your privacy.

I mean come on. Did he go through your personal hygiene stuff as well? That’s a bit creepy. What if he found some things that were beyond private? And now he knows stuff you may not want anyone to know. I know when I was your age I had a lot of things I would have hated my parents or family to have seen.” liquidsky72

“For context, the uncle (42M) I’ll be talking about is my aunt’s (36F) husband. They come over quite often- at least 4-5 times a week-, and I (23F) get along pretty well with them.

I have a cute Persian kitty living with me and his cuddles and soft little paws are all I need after a tough day at the lab.

His name is Batman.

As I mentioned earlier, my aunt and uncle come over quite a lot- which I do not mind in the slightest as they are both great people who can change the vibe for the better just with their presence.

My uncle loves animals and adores my cat.

They get along well and my uncle always plays with him for at least half an hour whenever he is over at my place.

Last week, my aunt asked me, on my uncle’s behalf, if it would be okay for him to take my cat over to his friend’s place because apparently, his friend’s daughters wanted to “play with him”.

I politely declined and explained how cats are easily scared by changes in environments and when they are around people they’re unfamiliar with. She thanked me for explaining and she called my uncle right then and there to pass it on to him.

Then last night, I received a text from my uncle asking me if it’s okay for him to take my cat to his workplace which is a startup business at a home-based office at his friend’s place.

The same place my aunt was asking about the week prior. I politely declined, again, and heavily implied that I had already explained this to my aunt and witnessed her pass it on to him right in front of me. He just left me on read, not replying.

This morning he called me from that office with the two daughters of his friend- 11F and 14F- and asked AGAIN if he could take Batman with the girls pleading from the background. Here I entirely lost it and with a very firm and angry tone, said that my cat isn’t an inanimate object or a toy that could be played with by random people I didn’t know the first thing about.

Then I told my uncle not to bother coming over again before thinking about how and why putting me on the spot in front of two kids would make me change my mind. After, I hung up on him.

I think I might be the jerk because of my tone towards him while I knew his friend & daughters could hear me.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your uncle should know better. I say this as the owner of an adventurous boy who likes to go on walks with us in a harness-I would never let him go to a strange environment with children without at least me or my partner there, and even then I’d let him explore the environment thoroughly before even considering introducing him to kids.

Cats need to feel safe or they’ll get scared and squirrelly. Idk how your uncle can justify this as a good idea. And he was trying to put you on the spot by having those kids in the background.” kathryn_sedai

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Seriously weird your uncle tried to peer pressure you after you already said No and even offered a reason which you did not have to do. “No” is a complete sentence.” Embarrassed-Peak3105

Another User Comments:

“NTJ ALL THE WAY!!!! What’s up with your uncle?

Can’t he take no for an answer at once?!? Obviously, he doesn’t know much about the pets being taken out of their safe environment and being scared enough to run away. Tell him to read up all about the cats and whatever before he buys a cat of his own instead of getting your cat to show off for whatever reason.” MischievousBish

“To keep this relatively short, my sister had been with this guy for 5 years until last night. I will call him David (not his real name). David is a heavy drinker at the ripe age of 24. He has shown my sister multiple times he does not care about her or her feelings, and they have a one-year-old together.

After the baby was born his drinking problem started, and it’s been getting worse since then. He is on probation for a DUI but continues to drink and use substances. My sister has refused to leave him (but that’s beside the point).

David has two other children, both with separate mothers.

Both of which he abandoned in Puerto Rico.

My family lent my sister and David our family Christmas tree for the recent holiday, so the baby would have a Christmas tree because their finances were tight.

2 days ago I found out David and his brother were heavily intoxicated and smashed the entire tree with all the ornaments from my sister and I’s childhood.

Everything is gone. I have let his probation officer know, and have filed a police report for damaged property. This was my final straw with him.

At his new job, he has been reportedly flirting/hooking up with one of his coworkers. This co-worker just so happens to be an old friend of mine from high school.

Yesterday David broke up with my sister over text, so I reached out to the girl. I told her everything that he had done and how he is a heavy drinker and a frequent substance user.

She had no idea about any of it, let alone he had three kids and was in a five-year-long relationship.

She proceeded to tell me she had already gotten a weird feeling from him when he called her over 100 times a few nights ago at 3 am. Then, when she finally answered, he called her all kinds of names for not picking up sooner. We ended the conversation with her saying “Thank you for letting me know, I had no idea.

I’m so glad I didn’t get too involved with him before I knew all of this.”

My sister thinks I shouldn’t have reached out to her and it will just cause more issues between her and David.

(David does not want a single thing to do with my sister and has shown her that for a year now, however, she wants to stay in her fantasy that everything will be fixed and he will change)

So, am I the jerk for texting my old friend from high school to let her know what kind of person David is?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you just did right by your friend. Your honesty was to help her, not to make David look bad (he does that well enough on his own).

The only reason your sister disagrees with what you did is exactly because of what you described – she is living a fantasy. Hopefully for her sake and for that of her child, she starts to see the light sometime soon.” JustWatchin2021

Another User Comments:

“NTJ You told your friend details about the person she was starting to see because you had details about his life that he wasn’t going to share. You saved her from a serial unfaithful person. Your sister is raw and emotional. That’s OK. It may take her some time to get over David and the end of her relationship.

That’s OK. Just support her as much as you can.” BrokenWingsButterfly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There are too many cases where the wrong person is targeted. You did the right thing by telling the girl early on – if this man has managed to make three women into mothers then up and leave, you’re completely right to prevent anything more like this from happening.” ivorykeys000

“I (17 F) have a mother (50 F) who I got into an argument with over pasta sauce and a dog.

It started when I cooked dinner a while back and she liked the sauce so much that she asked me to make some more. We didn’t have ingredients so she called me during school hours (but it was during lunch) to ask what we needed. I said nothing about her calling me when a simple text message was all that I needed especially because I was in a public setting.

My mom picks me up from school that day and on the way home she tells me we are going to stop by a grocery store. I agree with her and she goes in with me to buy ingredients for tonight’s dinner, (which I specifically offer to cook one )((and she eagerly agrees with me.)) She asks me to make the other pasta sauce from the previous night along with the sauce for tonight’s dinner which I offered. I asked her if then she could walk the dog since I was making the sauces and dinner.

Since she told me I had to walk the dog I told her that I was going to leave the sauce to her, she got mad at me and complained that she didn’t know how to make the sauce (a simple Google search would have sufficed. I’m not a trained chef) and it frustrated me because why did I have to walk the dog and still make the sauces.

By the time I got to it, it would either A). be dark out, B). I would have to leave in between the cooking, or C). Not be able to finish what I have to do/have enough free time to take a minute and relax.

Then she gets mad at me for asking her to walk the dog and proceeded to say I was acting like an adult and had an attitude because I asked her to walk the dog while I was cooking what she had asked me for and the dinner for tonight I offered to cook since I was already in the kitchen.

It confused me why I had been expected to make the sauce that takes over an hour, walk the dog, and do my homework when some of it could be achieved by my mom (killing two birds with one stone per se). (She is sitting downstairs watching TV.) I don’t know what I did wrong or why she is so upset by it.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like it was an even division of chores to me. I would gladly walk the dog to come home to some yummy food! Sounds like Mom was being lazy and expected you to do it all. Don’t offer to cook again unless there is some help for you.

That’s a lot of work to expect you to do everything in one night by yourself. Tell her you’re sorry, but between the ton of homework they want by tomorrow and walking the dog, the sauce is not on!” Less_Ordinary_8516

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

You were cooking dinner and making 2 sauces. It’s only right that your mother pitches in and walks the dog. The dog needed to be walked and you were doing an extra favor that you couldn’t walk away from. She wasn’t busy and it’s her dog too.” tatersprout

“So I (24F) am a custodian at an elementary school. My job is mainly taking care of classrooms and bathrooms after the kids get out of school and making sure everything is clean for school the next day. I’ve been at this job for nearly 2 years now (in May it’ll be 2 years).

My job is pretty easy and I enjoy it for the most part…except for one thing. My supervisor (62M), let’s call him Mike.

Mike is what you may call a micromanager. He has been my supervisor since last March. He will point out everything my coworker (65F), let’s call her Cathy, and I missed with photos the majority of the time, they’re minor spots we miss.

However, most of the time it’s mainly towards me. He would tell me what I missed and would even take me to the area and show me whether there was someone in the area or not (which I hate how he does in front of people).

He’s even made me cry sometimes because, despite all my efforts, he would tell me how I have to do better.

One of the rooms that I have to clean is the gym. I mainly dry-mop the floor, collect trash, and clean the bathroom. Recently, Mike has been accusing me of not cleaning the gym because of how dirty it always looks.

It has me confused because I make sure there’s no dust and he says how the gym teacher has even noticed. Despite me telling him I clean it every single night, he just thinks that I’m lying or making up an excuse.

Today, he told me that every time I don’t clean the gym, he will dry mop it, put the dirt in the bag, and show me it.

Cathy was in the room when he said this and she was giving him a confused look (Cathy and I are work buddies and we both don’t like Mike). He then asked if that’s what I wanted and I told him no.

In my anger (well I’m still angry) all I could think about was if he wanted proof of me cleaning the gym, then I would gladly take pictures of all the dirt I collected as proof that I’m, in fact cleaning the gym.

But part of me feels like this would make me feel like a jerk. I’m always getting told that I need to just deal with it and just do what I told so I know if I told my parents (mainly my mother), I would get told to just deal with it and such.

So WIBTJ if I took pictures just to show him proof that I’m cleaning the gym?”

Another User Comments:

“You need to do one better and bag up the dirt and leave it on his desk (?) every day with a label of “gym dirt (date)” until he gets the message.

But also report him to the principal for how he belittles you, especially in front of others. NTJ.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell him you’re recording him when you record him. Just say “I want to make sure I remember everything you’re telling me.” Then do the timestamp app that was mentioned above.

If you’re union, start the grievance process if he persists. It’s not snitching, it’s standing up for yourself formally and on paper.” CatsCoffeeKeto

“I(35 F) and my partner(33 M) just moved to New York City from California. We’ve been staying in a furnished rental that’s up in 5 weeks, so the clock is starting to tick on finding an apartment to live in.

I’ve lived in NY before and explained to him that the rental market is intense and moves very quickly.

I’ve been sending him listings I find, and he replies, “I’ll look at them in a few days.” I told him that won’t work- they’ll be rented by then. We need to prioritize apartment hunting and I need his help. I work remotely so I said I’ll go see the places if he can’t get away, but he has to at least read the listings and tell me what he thinks- it’s an apartment for both of us to live in.

He said it’s too fast-paced and upsetting for him to handle- I told him I didn’t make it that way, New York did. I also wanted to see the listings he found, too, since he hadn’t been sending me any- and he got really upset and said he doesn’t know how to find apartments online!

He’s a fully employed adult man who works in tech and has a master’s degree, who has lived in multiple cities and states before in different apartments. I got super annoyed and told him I needed his help and I was sick of doing all the work to find us a place to live.

He responded by saying that’s what mistreaters say- that they’re doing all the work in a relationship. I looked it up and that’s true, bad people do say that. If I ever get impatient or upset with him, he takes it so hard I can’t even tell if I’m justified or not.

I don’t want to be abusive, but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable in insisting my partner help me and just accept that for a few weeks, he’s gonna have to adapt to a stressful apartment hunt. And to help me.

He was stoked to move to New York together and that’s just an aspect of life here.

Additional context, he’s struggled with chronic depression for years, and I understand that. But he’s functional in daily life unless he doesn’t feel like doing something, and then he’ll melt down.

He’s been like that since I’ve known him, and I had to plan almost every logistical aspect of our move, for example- which I also didn’t appreciate, but I tried to be understanding. I get feeling that way! He can’t control his feelings… but if he can show up for work every single day and be a great employee, AITJ for asking for help in our living situation?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but there’s no future here unless you’re prepared to take on the planning for everything as he’s using his depression to mistreat you. Make no mistake, refusing to help with the work in the relationship and pointing out that they’re doing all the work is abusive.

Find a place for yourself.” Emotional_Bonus_934

Another User Comments:

“I’d tell him I was going to see listings and I plan to have a decision by X date. If he wants to move with you, he needs to figure himself out. Not doing anything will only result in more stress when your rental lease expires.

NTJ. Sometimes gentling someone at their pace impacts the entire organism of the relationship. And if I’m being accused of being abusive, then what kind of funhouse mirror did I just fall through? Who needs that crap? And on some level, you have to protect yourself from being unhoused.” AndSoItGoes24

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but is this the future you want? To always carry the mental load, to not be allowed to need a break? What if you have a mental health problem, get sick, or have a child? Don’t be a jerk to yourself and reconsider the relationship and moving alone to NY.” DowntownDetective418

“So my (25F) friend (24F) is 7 months pregnant. I’ve known her since we were kids and I know her likes and dislikes she has a very similar taste to me with regards to a lot of things, so when I found out she was pregnant I offered to plan her baby shower for her.

Now as much as I love my friend, I cannot stand her partner (M26) and do everything I can to support her whilst avoiding him. I personally believe he’s a toxic person and he has some abusive traits that my friend can’t see. I have encouraged her to leave him before, but she always shuts down my concerns and tells me I don’t understand their relationship.

So when she became pregnant, I was extremely happy for her since I knew how much she wanted to be a mother, but also worried about him being the man who impregnated her. Still, I’ve tried to support her as much as I can so that she has someone to fall back on when her relationship ends.

Yesterday I discussed all the details with her about what she wants so that I can work on hiring decor, organizing catering, cakes, etc in time for her shower. To my dismay, she told me that she wanted one big co-ed baby shower so that her partner and his friends could celebrate too, and she started listing things that he had seen online and liked. I told her I thought it was a bad idea to include him, and that something more traditional was probably better.

She insisted that her partner be involved because it is his baby as much as hers.

I suggested two separate baby showers, one with her female family and friends that I would plan, and then a separate co-ed one with her partner and his friends/their partners.

She told me she would be too tired for two baby showers, and that since I offered to plan it for her I should be willing to accommodate her wants.

I reinforced again that I refused to plan anything that involved her partner and that if she didn’t like that then she could plan it herself or find someone else to help her plan it.

She said that I shouldn’t have offered to plan it if I was going to let my selfishness and own personal bias get in the way of what she wanted. But I’m only trying to protect her and ensure that this moment is something she can look back on in the future with joy, rather than having it ruined by her abusive partner being there.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. This is her event and you’re acting ridiculous. You can’t dictate whether her partner is involved or not. Another thing, stay out of her relationship. Idk if her friend is abusive or if you are just jealous, But either way you haven’t displayed treating her any better.

Like it or not, they are in a relationship and are having a child together, and will presumably be raising it together if they want a co-ed shower. You can’t stop him from being involved to “protect her”. Drop it.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“YTJ here’s what I read “We have similar tastes except here and here and here and here etc etc”; “I don’t like her bf and have taken a stance that I never will, I will do things to drive a wedge until their relationship breaks.

Not if, but when!”; “One of these wedges is forcing my pregnant friend to have her baby shower my way or the highway.” The part where you suggest her having two baby showers. Yours female only and the other co-ed is especially cringe since you seem to acknowledge that a co-ed is ok.

Just not when you’re there.” Quirky_Dog5869

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I get you not liking the partner, but I think it’s kinda weird that you weren’t expecting her to want him there. He’s the baby’s dad and they’re in a relationship.

It’s highly unfortunate but if you’re friends with someone, you have to understand and accept that they and their partner will often be a package deal. I don’t know if it’s a cultural difference (I’m not from the anglosphere) but I’ve never seen the father not be present in a baby shower unless he’s not in the picture or unable to attend.” Nebelsreiter

“I was born with a cleft lip and had extensive surgeries to correct it. Now it’s significantly less visible and the result was said to be impressive. On the unrelated note, I also have a wax issue with my ears so I have to see an ENT specialist doctor from time to time to get the wax removed.

It happened to me before to have doctors (who are supposed to just remove my wax) marvel at my cleft lip and the whole work done around it. For me, it’s weird because 1) I don’t consider it THAT ground-breaking and 2) they’re doctors, shouldn’t they be more USED to that?

However, I usually don’t say much about it.

Anyway cue doctor Jane who was supposed to remove my wax for the day. I scheduled an appointment SPECIFICALLY for that. She does it and then proceeds to ask me to open my mouth (although I told her the issue is with my EARS).

I comply, foolishly imagining it’s gonna be relevant to my problem but she begins talking about my cleft lip and how great the result is and wants to examine my nose point at which I stop her. I tell her there’s nothing wrong with my nose and ask her if she suspects there might be an infection spreading to my ears or something.

She says something like “No, I just wanted to have a look and see more about your cleft lip…”. I stop her again (literally pushing her hands away) and keep asking if she’s done with my ears. She says yes and KEEPS TRYING to see the work for my cleft lip.

I told her to quit it, that I’m not sort of a museum piece that she gets to look at from all sides, and that for my cleft lip problems I see other doctors. Meanwhile, I got up from the chair and started to get my stuff to leave.

She said that there was no need to react like that and all she did was try to help me. I explained all the help I needed from her was with my ears and if I need more, I’ll let her know. By then I was already dressed with the hand on the door handle.

She kept telling me this was no way of behaving and that I’m disrespectful to her. I (almost) snapped but told her as calmly as I could that for me this is not an “interesting case”, but a lifelong condition and I’m not fond of people pointing fingers at it.

I explained to her I find it unprofessional and rude. I then just left to avoid further conflict. Was I wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re not a creature in a zoo to be looked at. Doctors should always ask permission before inspecting something completely irrelevant to why the patient is there and the fact that she continued to try and look is appalling.

Sorry you’ve had so many experiences like this :/” Ok-Conference3848

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re a client and allowed to decide you do not want her services. You’re also always allowed to decide you don’t want someone looking at or touching your body. You get autonomy over your body, you’re not a case to be marveled at.

She was unprofessional and misused the inherent power dynamic for her curiosity. She’s allowed to be curious but that doesn’t give her the right to override your consent. You tried to be respectful and polite at first so ntj.” EmotionRare2793

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I have an autoimmune condition which is mainly spinal but also has dermatological symptoms – one of which was hair loss.

I had an appointment to discuss that and also had another skin issue flaring at the time that was unrelated to the hair loss visit (but was unsightly and obvious). My regular dermatologist had a student working with them who would NOT shut up about the fact that my entire body was red and splotchy (which gets worse when I am upset so then got brighter as he was rambling about it).

My dermatologist tried to politely tell him to shut up but he didn’t. After I left I heard her in the hallway ripping into him about how unprofessional his behavior was. What your doctor did was similar to what this student did. And she needed someone to point out that it was unprofessional and unacceptable.” powertoolsarefun

“Growing up every time I saw my grandma, we would talk about the chocolate diamond ring I would get when she passed. I vividly remember, when I was maybe 7, her taking it from her jewelry box to show me.

I remember thinking they had to be special because I’d only ever seen clear diamonds, this is what makes me remember the first time so vividly and I only ever remember that moment in time with a childlike haze. It was such a special moment that we discussed nearly every time we saw each other.

The last time I saw her was Christmas while, she, my mother(my grandmother’s daughter), my grandpa, and my partner sat at the table I joked with her how I had waited 20 years to have that ring and she said,”well I’ve decided your momma is gonna get the ring under the condition when she dies you’ll get it.” Me and my mom laughingly agreed to her not realizing what was to come.

My grandma passed shortly after New Year’s and I hadn’t given a thought to that darn ring till I was texted a picture of it on my mom’s finger in a family group chat. [for some context I live a few hours away and don’t have the funds to be off work for a week, therefore, I haven’t been there for initial planning or being around everyone like my sister has]

My sister mentioned how my grandma was going to be buried in the ring, I was upset so I sent a message “Mawmaw told me since I was little they’d be mine and at Christmas, she said mom would get them and I get them after her” my sister immediately called me insensitive, selfish, manipulative, and a liar.

Between accusations, I was told it was my grandpa who wanted her to be buried in the ring. To be clear, even though I knew my grandma wanted me to have it, I was not going to make a fuss about a decision my grandpa made.

I simply wanted it to be acknowledged. Me and my sister have just about exploded at each other and she’s saying things that are making me question whether my grandma even loved me. I feel like a jerk for even saying anything but it feels like if I lose that ring without saying anything then those memories will be tainted. And although I was promised anything else in the jewelry box I don’t want the jewelry as much as I want that final piece of the promise she’d been building.

Am I the jerk for mentioning she promised it to me?”

Another User Comments:

“A very gentle ESH. Everybody’s emotions are running high, as they do when a loved one passes. You should gracefully step back because your grandpa is still alive, and he wants your grandma buried with the ring.

How many decades had they been together? Certainly longer than you have been alive, right? Please let the old man find comfort where he may.” 41flavorsandthensome

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I can see why they thought you were for the way you expressed it to them.

I think you should write your grandpa a handwritten letter talking about your memories and mention how you’d like to pass that ring, along with stories about your grandma, down to your daughter one day to keep your grandma’s memory alive. Gently and politely remind him that your grandmother expressed giving it to your mom so that it can be passed down to you and kept in the family as an heirloom.

If that doesn’t work, accept defeat, wait a few months, and dig the grave up, pull that sucker right off her finger.” Hereforaita1234

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It sounds like the ring is a special connection to your grandmother. And your mother probably doesn’t like that.

What’s your relationship like with her and your siblings? If it’s not great then the chances are high this may have been done to upset you…. I know what I would be doing and that is pulling away from the family members that don’t treat you very well.” KitchenDismal9258

“I (m34) got married to my husband, Mar (m35), last October, with the marriage came three kids from his previous relationship.

I adore them, I have a good relationship with the younger two, but the eldest (Damon) is still rather awkward around me. I’d say that I am their main carer, as Mar is paid enough at work to allow me to stay at home and focus on my art, and their mother, Christine, is always busy with shifts at her two jobs.

It’s gotten to the point that the youngest, Alma (F2), calls me ‘daddy.’

I have very solid beliefs, such as the belief that meat is unethical. I don’t want anyone to bring meat into my house, when I got into a relationship with Mar, he became vegetarian.

As a result, when the kids are here, the meals I cook for them contain no meat. Damon had no problem with it up until now, he complains at every given opportunity about the lack of meat. I’ve explained to him that eating meat is non-negotiable, he can eat it at his mother’s.

His father backed me up. I’ve tried to compromise by buying him ‘beyond meat’, but he still insists on actual meat.

Another thing is that my husband is very affectionate to me and the kids, although Damon being 15 is embarrassed by that. The younger two always climb onto our laps for hugs, and Alma always wants to be carried around on my hip.

I don’t speak to Christine much, we’re not on very good terms as she has been homophobic to me in the past and critical of my former job, so I was surprised when she wanted to speak to me when I dropped her kids off at her home.

She demanded that I don’t ‘push’ vegetarianism on her kids, to allow them to eat meat in our home, to which I told her that I don’t dictate what food she cooks in her house, so she shouldn’t do so to me. She also stated she was uncomfortable with Alma calling me ‘daddy’ and the affection I show to her kids.

Aside from being vegetarian, I tried to respect her wishes and discourage Alma from calling me ‘daddy’ and I stopped letting her and River climb onto my lap or hug me. That didn’t work out very well and I was left to deal with 2 confused and upset little kids to comfort, therefore I decided to go against their mother’s wishes and let them carry on doing what they’re used to.

I feel conflicted because their mother’s wishes have been disrespected, but at the same time, I’m just doing what’s best for the kids, not what’s best for her.”​

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Well, you and your husband. I don’t think you should have to cook meat, to be clear.

But not letting the kids have any in the house? I’m a vegetarian and I find that extreme. I can understand why Christine is struggling with this; she and her ex separated while she was pregnant, she’s working two jobs (presumably because she needs the money), and now has her child calling her ex’s new partner ‘dad’.

Her youngest is two…from her perspective, I suspect the wedding felt quick.” happybanana134

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. He’s a teenager, not a baby. If he wants meat, let him eat meat. Just as a person should respect someone for being vegan or vegetarian, you should respect that he eats meat.

They aren’t your kids. You need to suck it up and let them eat their normal diet (which includes meat).” Katiew84

Another User Comments:

“I’m leaning toward YTJ. Don’t want to cook meat? Don’t cook meat. But not letting the 15-year-old have some in the house?

Nah, that’s controlling in my view. These kids have known you for like 2 years. You got with their dad while their mom was pregnant. Damon will have seen this and I’m not at all surprised that he’s awkward around you. The biggest jerk here is your husband because it doesn’t sound like he’s thinking about the impact on his kids here; he’s changed their diets, dumped the childcare onto you, taken your side against his son on the meat issue…Hmm.

Interesting. In any case, stop speaking to Christine and tell your husband he needs to deal with the co-parenting side of things. He’s the parent and he needs to handle this, not you.” Waste-Edge446

“Myself (35F) and my husband (43M) have been together for 10 years, married 6, have a 2.5-year-old son with another son on the way, and he has a daughter from a previous relationship who is 16 but not driving yet.

For background, she lives 2 hours north of where we live. My husband does not have a set custody schedule, he DOES pay child support as well as any additional expenses such as braces/ healthcare, etc. but due to distance he does not see his daughter as frequently as he’d like, her mother will not meet halfway so the drive back and forth on a Friday/Sunday is a lot for both of them.

This past year she has stayed 3 total weekends in our home, the rest of the visits were day trips to her town for lunch/movies/etc. as well as a weeklong vacation that we took her on during a spring school break.

Now for the dilemma:

My husband and I purchased a home 2 years ago after looking for a really long time, and when we moved in our son was small so he didn’t necessarily need a space for multiple toys and things, so we set up a room previously used as a home theatre by the former owner and set it up as a bedroom.

this room does not have a closet, and there is no full bathroom on the same floor. As my son grew and accumulated more stuff we turned a breakfast nook into a play space which worked fine until it didn’t.

I suggested that we should move the furniture in our guest room upstairs into my office which is next to a full bathroom, and I would move my desk/computers into a different space in our home.

This would then allow us to finally have a kitchen table, a playroom for my son/any additional children that is on the main living level, and a bedroom that is on the same floor as a full bath for my stepdaughter and any other guests.

My husband flipped out because the room I suggested moving the bedroom furniture into is small. For clarification, the “new” bedroom is large enough for a queen-sized bed as well as 1-2 dressers, it’s just smaller than the bedroom on our main living level and has a dormer so the ceiling is slanted. I don’t necessarily see the big deal as she has slept in it for 6 nights out of the last year, keeps no personal belongings at our house, would be closer to a full bath so she could shower and have more privacy, and we rarely have other overnight guests.

So am AITJ for wanting to rearrange the furniture?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s important your stepdaughter feels welcome in your home but she doesn’t need a huge bedroom to use for 3 weekends a year. Your house has to work for the full-time residents.

Is there some way you could make sure she feels the new room is her space? Include her on decisions like paint color or bedding?” LongjumpingSnow6986

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s been there less than a week in the last year and has no personal stuff kept there.

So it’s not like she has an attachment or “it’s her room” and I’m sure a 16-year-old would love to have a private bathroom. I’d suggest mentioning it to the 16-year-old. Your reasoning is sound. If she was there every weekend, or a couple of weeks a month, then different story.” Kindly_Delicious

Another User Comments:

“NTJ….as long as you don’t spring it on your stepdaughter as a foregone conclusion the next time she visits. I’d also suggest that as part of the rearranging of rooms, you involve your stepdaughter in the decorating, and let her have some of her taste in there rather than leave it as a generic guest room.

Though allowing for the option of her preferred cushion covers and bedding be stored away when other guests visit, so they don’t make a mess of something which is ‘hers’.” Ok-Status-9627

“So my(37f) sister(40f) and I admittedly have never had the closest relationship, she encouraged my being bullied growing up. And don’t think she’s ever “forgiven” my husband and me for getting pregnant less than a year after she had her first kid and give “subtle jabs” at how I’m a stay-at-home mom and my “easy life” ever since my oldest was born.

Her kids are 15m and 12m.

Anyway for Christmas this year my husband(40m) got himself, both our children(14m and 13f), and myself each a steamdeck for Christmas. He and I have been enjoying ours and our kids have been glued to theirs. Naturally they took their new toys with them to grandma and Grandpas when we went to visit, like most kids do with new tablets and games.

My sister lives with my parents because we’ll frankly rent is too dam high for a single mom with two kids in this city. I can’t blame her plus then mom and dad have someone close if there’s an emergency.

After we got done with our extended family Christmas my kids got out their steamdecks and started playing, and their cousins were playing on the new phones their grandparents got them.

My sister had some sort of attitude once my kids got on their decks, saying how kids should be spending time with their grandparents on the holidays, not their toys. Never mind that’s what hers were doing. A while later I guess my niblings started bothering my sister about how next birthday they wanted a steamdeck too.

I guess this made her mad because she came into the kitchen where mom and I were making supper and started ranting at me about how we spoil our kids and how we should think about how that will affect others and their kids and not raise ours to be entitled brats.

I didn’t quite understand what was happening nor did Mom. Eventually, she said she “knew” we only got our kids such expensive gifts to make her look bad and make her kid jealous because I “always” have to one-up her after she does something.

I kinda lost it and I told her to shut it, that my hubby and I just wanted to give out kids nice things, and we couldn’t care less if she or her kids were jealous or not.

We are parents, not competitors.

It all kind of blew up from there. Mom says I may not have been in the wrong but it would be nice if I had my kids keep their things off of social media and away from my niblings so my sister doesn’t have more “meltdowns”

Was I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – “Mom says I may not have been in the wrong but it would be nice if I had my kids keep their things off of social media and away from my niblings so my sister doesn’t have more “meltdowns”” – Your mom is enabling your sister’s attitude and behavior.

Honestly, if your niblings didn’t see their cousins with a steam deck it could have been a friend… Sister needs to maybe think about saving extra throughout the year for presents.” Lunar-Eclipse0204

Another User Comments:

“NTJ as far as I’m concerned. Her jealousy is her problem.

As you stated, you are not competing against your sister and it is her fault to make an issue out of a non-issue. There is no reason for you to back and assuage your sister’s stupid ego or pride when you’re not the cause.” macross1984

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here for me just because I don’t buy the “naturally, they took their new toys with them when we went to visit Grandma and Grandpa” thing as if you as the parent couldn’t have prevented that. Maybe I’m being a bit sensitive as I’m from the “poor family” within my extended family but to me, the kind move here is to tell your kids “your cousins aren’t going to have a new game system to play with, so we shouldn’t take ours there” and use it as a lesson about privilege and gratitude.

I just don’t know how you didn’t anticipate that your niblings wouldn’t see that they both got steam decks, get jealous, and put your sister in that position to have to say “Sorry kids, we can’t afford it”. I don’t know if that was what you wanted to have to happen, but I can see how it comes off that way to your sister.” KayCeeBayBeee

“My parents had me (15M) as their only kid for years and I never really thought they wanted me. But then almost 5 years ago they had my sister Cassie (4F). They were as hands-off with her as they were with me but after the first year of her life they stopped paying for a babysitter and started relying more on me to hold her and do stuff for her and I did it naturally because I didn’t want her to grow up feeling as unwanted as I did.

Almost a year ago she called me dad for the first time and it was a big surprise but only happened once so I thought correcting her was enough. But it started happening more and in front of our parents and they said nothing when I mentioned it to them they had zero reaction and ignored the topic.

Since September/October all she has called me is Dad and I tried to talk to her but I guess I don’t know how to talk to a 4-year-old in a way that she’ll get because she just keeps doing it and it’s frustrating but also worrying me.

I don’t want to be responsible for her forever. I don’t want to be the only parent she has and I don’t want to be forced to take her with me when I turn 18 and get away from my parents. But as it is I’m the only person she has an attachment to so it might be too late.

I just really don’t want to give up college so I can support her.

I sat my parents down and told them they needed to do better or find someone else to take care of her. They told me I was blowing things out of proportion and I don’t even remember my old babysitters so clearly she’ll figure things out eventually and won’t think of me as her dad always.

They said they keep a roof over our heads so the least I can do is make sure she’s taken care of for them so they don’t have to. I said they were making things toxic between us and they told me they did not care.

So I told them I won’t help out with her now and they will have to figure things out like they did with me because I refuse to sign up for a lifetime of being her dad by continuing the way things are.

They told me it would be cruel to drop her like that and told me I am part of this family and I would carry out the role they assigned to me.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Play a SMALL role for her. Play with her. Don’t do all the caretaking (unless they start neglecting her) but play with her. She is going to need someone in her corner that she can trust. Start calling yourself brother around her.

Every time she calls you dad, say “No, I’m brother – that’s dad (pointing to a photo if he’s not around).”” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – report your parents for child mistreatment, it is their responsibility to take care of your sister, not yours, but don’t resent her for seeing you as her only parental figure and calling you “dad”.

It’s not her fault and you shouldn’t let it ruin your relationship with her.” STL_241

Another User Comments:

“NTJ You’re a child, not a parent. Do you have any grandparents you can discuss this situation with? The family that can help out? Even so, I do think you should talk to CPS and look into getting emancipated. Your sister will have some attachment issues growing up, but… it’s not your responsibility to be a teenage dad to her.

It’s a sad situation all around and I’m sorry you have to put up with it.” Anatolyia

“I’m a 32-year-old man, and a pretty avid chess player. I’m not FIDE titled or anything, but I play enough to know what those terms mean, and I’m one of those guys who hang out in parks on occasion and will play anyone who wants a game.

The other day, with some relatively mild weather, I went to hang out in the local park and set up my board for anyone who wanted to play. Along comes this boy with his mother, he looked maybe 8 or 9 years old. He said he played, and he wanted to play me.

I asked his mother if it was all right, she said sure, and we settled down for a game while mommy did something on her phone. I beat him pretty quickly and easily. And then, like I do for pretty much any game I play, after the game I set things back up and did a quick review of the game.

In this case, since it was so one-sided, it was mostly me giving the kid tips for not getting wiped out like that again.

He listened to a few of the initial opening recommendations, but after about a minute or two of this he started getting really upset.

Wasn’t crying, but seemed not too far off. Realizing something was off, I asked if he wanted to stop the review and do something else, but he ran over to his mom and started saying that I was bullying him and calling him a bad player.

Mom then starts laying into me, saying it’s absurd that a grown man would go all out just to plaster a child and I should haven’t gone full bore on him and then tell him about all the mistakes he made. I made a few perfunctory apologies and made my escape.

I admit, analyzing a game after it’s finished is pretty standard for the circles I play in. But the circles I play in are generally adults and all fairly serious chess players who have an eye on how to improve their games, not kids and definitely not casual players (Which this kid seemed to be judging from the state of his play).

AITJ for applying that kind of game etiquette to an interaction with a child?”

Another User Comments:

“I wouldn’t have taken the game too seriously with a kid to begin with. Giving tips and advice along the way of playing is totally ok and helpful depending on how you go about it but straight up knowing you can beat this kid and took the chance and the aftermath is a jerk move.

YTJ.” wholesomebutter

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You’re an adult; he’s a child. It’s not clear if you asked him if he wanted tips or if he requested it — but it doesn’t really matter. Going through an entire game again play by play to tell a child stranger every move he messed up is not appropriate.

At least you stopped when you realized he was upset.” Wombat_Sprinkle

Another User Comments:

“YTJ for not meeting the nine-year-old at their level during the game or the review. At that level of experience, the goal is to keep the kid’s interest in the game and maybe provide a few helpful tips.

You don’t bring your A-game. Now you have taught him that he sucks at the game and people who want to play it are mean. Good job and congrats on beating a novice kid so bad they cried. I’m sure you felt so proud of yourself.” tealcandtrip

“I (15F) have an older brother (23M) who is my favorite person. We share a mom but have different dads. My dad was his stepdad but my brother and dad were not close and when our mom passed away several years ago my brother chose to finish high school at our grandparent’s house and not live with dad and me.

My dad remarried a year after mom passed away and my stepmom has a daughter who is 3 years younger than me and then I have two half siblings from them.

My brother is still a very big part of my life. I see him all the time.

I go to his house whenever I can. I make sure I see him every Christmas no matter what else is going on. He’s the family I will always prioritize and he has been great to me. If I could live with him easily, I would.

My dad and stepmom don’t like how much time I spend with my brother but they also dislike that my brother buys stuff for me and doesn’t ever get anything for the other kids here or even treats them like family. He has nothing to do with anyone else in the house.

Things kind of bubbled over during Christmas when my stepsister was upset that I went to my brother’s Christmas Eve and then her grandparents (stepmom’s parents) came over and I wasn’t there and missed out on “family time”. I was kind of glad to miss it honestly.

I’d rather be with my brother and my dad is always such a pain when his ILs are there because he wants me to call them grandma and grandpa.

My dad and stepmom sat me down a couple of days after Christmas and told me I needed to stop putting my brother before everyone else because it came across as him being first in my life instead of everyone being equal. I told them he is first though and always was.

I told them nothing has changed for me. They said he shouldn’t be my priority when it comes to siblings at least because I have four siblings altogether and not just one. I didn’t argue with them after that and they were upset. I know my stepmom told Dad afterward to let me live with him to spare the other kids but he said he couldn’t do that or they’d never see me again.

She asked if that would be such a bad thing because clearly, I don’t care about any of them.

Their disagreement led to me being told again a few days later that I was behaving badly and shouldn’t have said what I did. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Omg poor thing your dad married someone ONE YEAR after your mom passed away??? Was he unfaithful to her?? You’re talking about meeting the stepmom, associating with her, getting engaged, and married all in ONE YEAR??!!! Press him about that a little because from where I sit, your dad is the biggest jerk.

Bonus jerk to your stepmom for being so quick to try and replace your mom and trying to force her family on you without first forging a bond with you. They need therapy. I’m glad you have your brother, he sounds like a great influence and a healthy male role model.” Hereforaita1234

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your dad is. Sounds like these complaints are coming from his wife, and he is choosing her over you. It must have been very difficult to have your dad remarry only one year after your mom’s death. I’m glad you have your brother as a constant in your life.

Don’t let your dad take that away from you.” swag_mom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – You have developed a strong bond with your older brother which I am sure has helped you immensely since your Mom passed on. And for your father to in any way interfere with that for the sake of his new family is wrong and counterproductive.

You aren’t behaving badly, they are here. If your father continues to misuse his, have your brother look into petitioning the family court to allow you to live with him. I don’t know the law here but it is something to look into if your brother is willing to step up and home you.

You are old enough at 15 in most states to decide for yourself which adult you live with.” Mustng1966