People Take Care Of Ethical Dilemmas In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

“I (14f) don’t want to be a sister. My mom (35f) is 7 months pregnant. I don’t like babies, I don’t like children, I barely even like people my age. It sounds snarky and rude, but I’ve never had a good experience with them, which is why I do online school.

Neither of my parents works currently, so all of us have been at home. Recently, I made plans with one of my friends I’ve known for pretty much my whole life since her birthday is coming up. I told my parents about this maybe a month before the actual event came up and they promised me I could go, no matter what.

A few days ago, I was getting ready to leave and my parents asked me what I was doing. I tell them and suddenly it switches up to them saying I can’t go because I need to take care of my pregnant mother while my dad (45m) meets up with his friends at a bar.

I don’t know why, but I think this made me snap. On top of always cooking dinner because my dad can’t cook and my mom isn’t able to because she feels sick, going to the store by myself because my mom can’t be alone, getting my phone taken because I need to focus on my mom, and not being allowed to have any time to myself, this must have been my last straw.

It felt like I couldn’t control my words. I told my mom, “I’m not the one who got you pregnant, I don’t even want a sister, so why do I need to take care of you when you have a perfectly able husband?” I couldn’t do much else because they just stared at me as I ran back to my room to call my friend and tell her what happened and that I couldn’t go.

After that, I’ve barely come out of my room and my dad has started slipping index cards under my bedroom door telling me I need to apologize because my mom thinks I hate her and that I’m ungrateful for this opportunity to grow as a person and I should be happy to have a little sibling on the way.

I can understand she’s emotional and stressed, she’s growing a whole other human inside her body, but I don’t understand why they need to make my mom and this baby my responsibility. My dad doesn’t do anything other than watch TV and go out with his friends while I study all day and have tons of homework piling up because I’m taking care of my mother all day so my dad can sit on his behind, but I need to do pretty much everything for my mother.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because it sounds like your parents are expecting you to be a parent, not a sister. You are not responsible for your mom or the baby. I think that it would be good for you to calmly explain to your parents that it’s difficult for you to be excited about having a sister when you feel all that has meant so far is that you are being given adult responsibilities when you are not an adult yet.

Please also remember that just as your parents didn’t consult you on having another baby, the baby isn’t at fault either. She’s as innocent in the decision-making process as you are.” Mominator369

Another User Comments:

“NTJ because your parents are mistreating you. They are acting like you are some built-in caregiver when you are their CHILD.

That’s not a role you should be taking on, and they should be taking responsibility for themselves instead of obligating their minor child to do so. Out of curiosity, do you have any other family you could stay with that will be understanding of the situation and your feelings?” Stranger0nReddit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Where do you live? Because you need to reach out for help. It’s one thing to have online learning, but another to be homeschooled because a child’s parents are irresponsible. You are NOT responsible for either your parents or their children, including yourself.

Your parents owe you an apology, not the other way around. Please ask your friend for help before the baby comes and your parents make it appear that the baby is yours.” aquavenatus

“I am a 30-year-old man. My fiancee, Shelly, is a 26-year-old woman.

Ever since I met Shelly, she has been open about one of her interests, which is Korean music. It’s not exactly my jam, but I am always happy to hear her talk about it. I was not aware early in our relationship, though, that by “Korean music,” she particularly meant one specific male pop star.

His name is Kai.

Since we began cohabiting last year, I’ve also come to learn that it’s less of an interest and more of an obsession. She spends an inordinate amount of time looking at his pictures, following his fan communities, and listening to his music.

If I’m being perfectly honest it’s a pretty huge turn-off for me, but people will like what they like I suppose.

Last summer, my sister told us that she was getting married and we were super happy for her. We immediately RSVP’d for her wedding, which was on Friday, January 12th.

However, in December, Shelly came up to me and told me that she couldn’t attend my sister’s wedding. When I asked why, she responded that she was going to be in South Korea around that time.

I figured that Kai was having some sort of a performance or fan meet and greet, but it was even worse.

Shelly wanted to attend a fan-held birthday party event. His birthday is January 14th, which is today’s date in South Korea. I asked if she was out of her mind, seeing as (a) she doesn’t speak Korean (other than some of the lyrics of his she memorized), (b) she doesn’t have that much money, and lives primarily off of what I make, and (c) she was going to prioritize some random pop star’s birthday party over her fiance’s sister’s wedding.

Shelly told me she was going and that was that. Before she left for the trip a few days ago (on my birthday, actually), she begged me to tell my sister that she couldn’t go because she was sick. I didn’t want to talk about it and just told her “OK.”

Well, yesterday was my sister’s wedding. It was a lovely ceremony. My sister and her husband were confused as to why Shelly wasn’t there, and I immediately fessed up that she was in South Korea for an event. My sister was a little upset, but I told her not to let it ruin the day for her.

After the wedding my sister emailed Shelly, telling her that she wished she would have been upfront because she could have saved some money on her food for the event, and then Shelly emailed me furious about my telling the truth.

Was I wrong to tell her the truth or were my actions justified here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ But seriously, your partner is ridiculous. Do you see a future with someone mooching off you (you paid for the trip, right?), obsessed with another guy, and ditching an important event for your family because she wanted to go to a fan-held birthday party for this guy?

Is she 11 years old? She’ll never be accepted by your sister. How’d the rest of your family feel? If that was my partner, I’d be embarrassed. You are dealing with a partner that is not mature enough to be in a relationship.

She may have mental health issues or developmental delays. Also, when people show you who they are, listen.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – there’s a reason that she feels ashamed to admit that she missed her future sister-in-law’s wedding for an event in South Korea.

It’s not your job to perpetuate her lies. Shelly is very selfish and inconsiderate of you (taking a trip to SK when she already lives off the money you make, leaving on your birthday, and missing your sister’s wedding). This is getting into addict behavior.” Visual-Lobster6625

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you have no reason to lie for such a silly excuse for not going. Since she felt so strongly about not going there should be no reason to lie. If she is primarily living off your money where did she get the money to pay for this trip?

You shouldn’t be paying most of her bills, she needs to step up as an adult and pay her share. You seriously need to take a step back from this relationship and have her move out or just end it with her which probably would be best. Also, you should be worried that she doesn’t hook up with someone, these parties can get wild and things happen.” 18k_gold

“I (20f) am in the last year of my undergrad degree, and I still live with my parents.

The summer after 1st year, I worked full-time to save up money for rent so I could move out. I made roughly $8k the first summer. The bi-weekly payments were being directly deposited into one of my accounts, which is a separate account from where I do my spending.

My dad insists on having access to my bank account at all times. I couldn’t refuse because I live in his house and at the time, I didn’t have the funds to just get up and leave as much as I would have loved to.

So, he would always check my accounts, block my card so I would have to ask his permission to buy things, yell at me when he saw me buying food on campus, etc…

Last year, I asked to check the account where my job money was being deposited to see how much money I had saved up.

I would always collect my paystubs so I knew exactly how much I should have earned at that point. I was shocked when I saw that there was around $6.5k missing. Then I saw, that my dad had been using the money from my job for his payments, hydro bills, new computers, etc…

I blew up on him. He knew that I was saving the money up for rent and he didn’t even ask me before spending almost all of it. He even denied it at first, saying that “the money is safe elsewhere” but of course, I knew this was BS so I asked him to show me where every missing dollar was.

He obviously couldn’t.

My home is extremely toxic and rapidly deteriorates my mental health. The one thing I could count on was saving up money to move out on my own. And he took that away from me. We got into a huge argument about it again recently.

He told me to “shut up about it” at first, but then said he “made a mistake” in a very condescending tone. I told him I would never forgive him for what he did, and I didn’t consider him to be a father to me anymore.

My mom says I was being too harsh. I told her my comment was built up for over a decade of my resentment for him, and that his controlling nature is unbearable. It wasn’t just because of him taking my money, but the situation was the tipping point for me.

She still thinks I was out of line since “he’s still your dad”

So AITJ here ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I can’t stand the “But he’s family” or some derivation. It’s saying “You have no input, no agency, no autonomy. Just sit back and take the mistreatment because that’s how life is.” But it isn’t how life is.

Get your account, and get yourself free. You are being treated horribly and there’s no way you should feel bad about being upset about that.” BetweenWeebandOtaku

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you’re entitled to your feelings after this betrayal, and I’m so sorry your parent has done this to you.

It sounds like your dad is unapologetic from the way you describe his responses. If he wants to correct what he’s done you should ask for full repayment and make it clear he will no longer be given access to your accounts or allowed to discuss how you spend your money.

If he doesn’t want to take accountability or make corrections you should take a long hard look at the best ways to remove yourself from this living situation and consider limiting contact with him until he demonstrates an ability to co-exist with you without causing you harm.” Two-Branch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He would yell at you for buying food? Still condescending when he admits his fault? Toxic indeed. If they needed help financially they should have discussed the situation with you, and not just taken your savings and then tried to lie about it.

As your mother has chosen a side, she should be painted with the same paint roller. You don’t have much support from her, but keep open to communication with her. Plan your exit. Write them off in your head but play nice while you get your plans in order.

Make new bank accounts that only you can access. Be sure to close all joint accounts with your parents and any other such financial ties (loans, bills, etc.). Plan a move as far away from them as possible so that it is inconvenient for them to “visit” (or show up unannounced).

You need to feel secure about your life, and distance will help ensure that. You don’t need your parents as a distraction (or threat, financial or otherwise) as you work towards finishing schooling. Best of luck, OP.” Agent_Raas

“For the past 4 years, my parents have not had anyone over at their house besides my siblings (who live there) and me.

For context, my dad decided 4 years ago that he was going to DIY remodel the first floor. He is handy and capable of doing the project but does not have the time due to his office job. My parents made room for this project by pushing all their furniture and things to one side of the first floor or moving things upstairs.

Around this time, I lived with them still and was concerned about how long my dad would take on this project as he procrastinated on many DIY projects before.

Before living in this house, my mom already had a reputation with us (dad and siblings) for accumulating too many things.

She grew up poor in a 3rd world country and now cleans homes for wealthy people who give her things they no longer want. We used to live in a smaller house where my mom had accumulated so many things that our garage and house were full of unnecessary furniture or trinkets we could barely walk around the house.

When we got this new home (much larger than our old home), my dad said “There’s no way your mom can fill up this house with stuff”. This was 2 years before my dad took up the DIY project. For those 2 years, the house was good and not full of stuff like before.

Once my dad took on the project, my mom went crazy filling up the space created by Dad’s project. She filled up the garage, the upstairs space, the living room, etc. I lived with a walkway upstairs and downstairs surrounded by stuff. She has 3 storage units full of things already on top of how the house already looks.

After those 2 years, I decided to move out on my own because I had enough of the living situation. My room even got filled with stuff after I left. I have calmly talked to my mother several times over the years about the bad habits of hoarding and she gets emotional when I try to bring it up.

My siblings and dad agree and say “You can’t change old habits”. They do not back me up when I say anything because they don’t want to hurt her feelings. WIBTJ to call my mom a hoarder (like the ones on the show) to give her a wake-up call?”

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTA for telling the truth, but you would not be helping either. Maybe check if she would like to sell some of the stuff she does not use and use the money to do something for herself. She is given these things in the hope that she’ll either enjoy them or sell them, I assume.

If she’s keeping them because of their value, maybe see if she is interested in realizing that value. Throwing stuff away would probably be too traumatic and nor will she want to be told what to do.” Squiggles567

Another User Comments:

“NTJ says it like it is, the more you try and tread around the issue or deny it is as bad as it is, the more you are enabling this behavior & denying her from getting the help she needs.

People will claim you need to be gentle to be supportive but when it gets to such a point of no return then gentle does sweet FA – be firm & assertive, it’s the only way people in a hole will listen.” Own-Championship-398

“I (22F) have been disowned and NC with my mom (42F) for the past 6~ months. This happened after she flipped out on me for not telling her I got a new phone plan and wasn’t using hers (and also changed my number).

Since then she has emailed me a few times from burner emails.

Recently, my sister (15F) posted on social media asking for prayers for my mom. This led to me asking her what was going on and she said she didn’t know and was being cryptic.

She later blew up on me and called me heartless, selfish and many other things and said I wasn’t a sister to her, most likely because of my mom.

This hurt me significantly because I helped raise her, and I love my siblings dearly. For my health, I blocked her and my mom’s numbers (though I later heard she changed them), social media accounts, and other social media.

Things were quiet for a bit.

However, as of this morning, I was on my way to class when I saw an email from my bank about an updated number, username, and other info being changed. I logged in and knew it was my mom immediately since the email and phone number were hers, and the location was her location (EST, but I’m CST).

She was able to do this because she has my social and knows all my previous numbers and addresses.

I immediately called and got my account locked and plan to have my social security number changed undergrounds of fraud, but my sister (21F) mentioned that since it’s a felony if they trace it to my mom then she could go to federal prison or end up in further financial hardship (I grew up in poverty).

At the moment I was just so hurt and angry that I reported the fraud, but now the bank is investing themselves, and it’s out of my hands. But I still feel guilty and anxious that my two younger siblings (6M, 15F) might end up in foster care and/or separated. I could take my brother in but my sister just so vehemently hates me I know she’d petition against it.

AITJ for reporting the fraud to my bank and not trying to reach out to her first?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Your mother was trying to steal from you. You are very lucky that you caught it before she could do any further damage, and you reported it.

If she should get charged with fraud, then that is her doing, not yours. As they say, she made her bed. As far as your siblings go, if you can take the six-year-old, perhaps your 21-year-old sister can take the 15-year-old since you say that the 15-year-old hates you.

Maybe, with some time away from your mother, the 15-year-old might have a fresh perspective on how your mother has been treating you, and probably her as well. Eventually, perhaps you could be the advocate for your siblings, to stop your mother from defrauding them too.

edit to add: make sure that you have other members who have heard your side so that they know what’s been going on.” ScoobaChick28

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If she doesn’t want to go to jail, don’t commit a crime. It’s not your fault that your mother makes bad decisions.

Regarding your sister, it seems like she has been manipulated by your mother, and as long as she is in her life, she may continue to harbor resentment towards you. I hope she doesn’t do the same with your younger siblings.” Hour-Wind-2410

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You haven’t said it’s your mum. You’ve reported someone fraudulently stealing your identity. It could still not be your mum, she might have HER ID compromised and the scammers are milking everywhere they can. But what is more likely you’ve gone NC with her, she’s used this as a way to poke the nest and try to make you come out as angry bees.

Instead, you’ve done the (legitimate) normal thing of reporting your bank account compromised. Step back. Let her nest swatting be her issue. Why did your mum want access? To make money? Or watch what you are doing….?” Particular-Try5584

“I male 15 my brother male 15 my parents male 39 and female 40 are the typical parents. Always thinking they are right whenever we get into a fight which has been happening often. Usually, it happens like I’m defending myself after they both attack me verbally. When I was younger it happened a lot but now I’ve gotten older I realize that I can defend myself completely.

Because when I was younger I was scared of them hurting me since they would grab my arm forcefully. Every time you talk to them if you’re younger they always think you’re wrong no matter what even if you have a degree in something they won’t admit that they’re wrong.

One time I was talking about something I know about and they were like no you’re wrong but I told them I wasn’t wrong they got angry at me and called me worthless and I went to my mom’s house (sorry I didn’t say this before my parents are divorced the woman I’m talking about is my stepmom).

So me and my brother decided to go to the skatepark near us and he didn’t have a helmet because he lost it. But one of my other brothers told him he could borrow the helmet just to go to the skatepark. My dad decided to yell at my brother because he had to borrow someone else’s helmet.

(The brother has really bad social anxiety because of my dad) So I stand up to him he gets angry at me telling me to “shut up it’s none of your business” and he starts yelling at me. I respond talking normally he keeps repeating himself as I and my brother walk out of the house to talk for 5 hours.

We come back from the skatepark to see our belongings taken and he’s like. “You need to stop talking to us like that you never respect us” (my older sister left my dad’s house because of him being a jerk) I told him about the sister leaving and that it was his fault but he just didn’t listen.

My dad decided to yell at my brother again telling him to not talk like that and that you’re not allowed to use another person’s helmet when he uses my helmet all the time and it’s fine. I decided to step in and tell him to shut up he didn’t like that so my stepmom walked in and told me you’re being really rude in a sarcastic voice but I reply in a sarcastic voice “you’re being rude too”

I’m currently planning on moving to my mom’s house because I don’t want to stay with my dad who always thinks he’s right and doesn’t give a chance for anyone to speak for themselves. (sorry my English is bad)”

Another User Comments:

“I think it is pretty awesome that you stuck up for your brother. If you can move with your mom that would be a good idea. Also if you have any counseling resources at school to help you deal with having such unreasonable parents, please take advantage of that.

NTJ.” DontAskMeChit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Good on you for standing up for your brother. But what happens to him if/when you move out” Lengenary-Dravidian

“I will start by saying as parents we should be able to gauge our children’s abilities and what programs are the best fit for them. We play in a competitive recreational indoor soccer league (during our non-park and rec off-season). The Parks and Rec in our area offer two different forms of indoor soccer “social” being the least competitive and more about having a good time, being laid back & learning at a slower pace, and “competitive”… self-explanatory.

Our kids are 9-10 years old and want to win! These girls fight hard and truly give it their all.

One player on the team just runs around flailing her arms in the air. She does not know the rules of the game. She will drop to the ground on the field and start throwing a fit if the other team scores a goal. Screaming “we’re going to lose!”.

It’s such a distraction to all of the players on the team. And even the opposing team gets so confused. They have her in the defender box most of the time and when it’s time to defend and match up she shakes her hands in the other kids’ faces or just runs in the opposite direction.

It’s just hard to watch as a parent. Also, a factor in this is we pay a few hundred in fees every season and some of us help sponsor as well. So we are invested in being competitive. This isn’t professional soccer lol but we still take it pretty seriously.

I spoke with her mother recently who just laughed and giggled about the girl’s behavior. Calling it “cute” and how she’s just having a good time out there. I did not pry into her medical history because that’s none of my business. However, the mom voluntarily shared that her daughter had ADHD and was thinking about medications.

I think there is something else going on with the kid, but again that part is none of my biz! I then suggested to the mom maybe the social league would be a better fit for her daughter, and that what she was doing on the field and during practice was so distracting and counterproductive.

That was detrimental to the team and our chances of even making the playoffs. She snapped at me hardcore and said this is “just little kids’ sports” and it shouldn’t matter at all to “keep my darn thoughts to myself”. Also, she won’t go to the social league and how dare I even approach her with my opinion.

Am I the jerk here??

**Other parents and even the coaches have shown frustration. But I’m the only one who spoke up.”

Another User Comments:

“ESH. If this is as bad as you described, the coach should have done something about it. I understand your frustration but you should have brought this up to whoever let her on the team.

I’m not sure how this competitive team works; one would think it would involve tryouts before placement, but that doesn’t seem to have happened here.” TemptingPenguin369

Another User Comments:

“ESH That’s a conversation you and the other parents (individually, don’t gang up) need to have with the Coach and then it’s up to the Coach to decide if that child should be on the team.

Since the club has gone out of the way to have a separate team for kids that are more into the fun aspect, then that should be utilized but maybe that schedule doesn’t work for them. If she’s that much of a distraction during games I’m surprised the Coach hasn’t stepped in but at the end of the day the Coach decides to make.” Ljridgeway4967

“I (35f) love kids, always worked in child care jobs. During gatherings of friends or family I somehow always ended up in the kid’s room, helping the birthday boy and his friends assemble the new Playmobil fortress (because he asked me for help) or something like that.

While the other adults eat cake around a table. Nothing wrong with them. I just always wonder how I got myself sitting on the floor surrounded by tiny humans.

But lately, my health took a nosedive. Burnout and other stuff. I’m no longer good with noise and crowds or focus.

I’m on disability because I can’t work. My family knows this.

When my niece had her birthday I was invited but I had a bad day. I knew their apartment would be too crowded and noisy for me during the party, so I told my brother I had to cancel and come the day after.

Discussing the reason, my brother convinced me to still come over for a little while, eat some cake and hug the birthday girl “to show up and not disappoint her”. I made my limitations clear, that I can’t help and that I might zone out.

He said it’d be no problem.

When I came over, I sang Happy Birthday with them all, gave my niece her birthday hug and gift, and sat in the living room with them, eating cake. The kids were playing, I didn’t know the guest’s parents, it was as overwhelming as I suspected, so I stuck to my piece of cake and zoned out a little.

I don’t know how much time had passed, but the next thing I knew was that there was a scream from my niece and when I looked up, there were no more adults around, my niece had fallen from a bar stool she had climbed and had a bloody knee (nothing more serious, luckily).

When I got to her the other adults rushed in from the balcony a room over. My niece got checked over, got a bandaid, and was already playing again 5 min later. But my brother asked me what happened and why I didn’t prevent her from climbing.

And when I told him I zoned out, he got angry and blamed me for her accident.

It’s a few days later now and I got several messages and calls from family, how irresponsible and jerk-like I am because I was not paying attention to the kids.

I thought it wasn’t my fault, because I wasn’t made aware that I was the only adult left in the room. But I’m beginning to doubt my point of view. Am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Not your kids, and you never agreed to be responsible for the kids.

The other adults are jerks for just assuming you’d be supervising all the kids. I’m guessing they all figure you will watch the kids because you work in child care? Time to stop staying in the room with the kids. When the adults migrate, you need to migrate as well.” Algebralovr

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your brother so persistently talked you into going because he wanted you there for babysitting. That he blamed you for his niece’s accident, instead of himself, is unacceptable. OP it doesn’t matter if you were the only adult in the room!

That doesn’t automatically make you responsible for other kids! Your brother was at fault, stop letting him shift it to you! And he’s allowing the family to also blame you to let himself off the hook. His daughter, his responsibility. But until you speak up for yourself and say you’re not the babysitter at every event, they will all continue to treat you as though you are.” OceanBreeze_123

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like your family is used to taking advantage of you and expects you to provide free childcare services at family functions so they can kick back while you do all the work of caring for their children. They sound like a whole pile of jerks.

I have four kids and when they were young, whether with friends or family, if I needed to take a bathroom break or whatnot I’d look someone in the eyes and ASK, “Will you watch my kids for a minute while I….?” Just taking off and expecting someone to be responsible for your kid(s)?

No way. Leaving a tired person who’s on disability and clearly expressed limitations ALONE in a room with a bunch of four-year-olds? Not. They’re the responsible ones because they walked out of that room and neglected to provide adequate care for their kids. I hope the cake was good at least.” Scary_Rabbitt

“So me (15m) and my partner (15f) went out to see the Christmas lights at a park in our town that does them every year. I went alone as my mum has an autoimmune disorder and has pain in her back and doesn’t feel like walking most nights (important for later) so I went and her family went, she has 5 in her family, her 2 parents, her and her two brothers aged 13 and 10.

We went around and saw all of the cool Christmas lights, and got some popcorn and ice cream as in Australia December is a summer month. We were stopped at a little fountain where we were all talking and her brothers started sussing me out as we had only been seeing each other for less than a month.

They decided that I was pretty cool and then started to try and annoy their sister by dancing embarrassingly for people to see (as this park was fairly buddy as it is every year) sometime around this point the eldest brother and my partner went to talk to their parents about something leaving me with the 10yo.

He started doing this weird sort of dance move and so I asked him, “What are you doing?” While chuckling to myself. He then half yelled “Your mum!” And he started cackling to himself. My expression changed quickly and I told him that it wasn’t funny and then he repeated back to me in a mocking voice.

Now as I mentioned earlier my mum is very sick. She has an autoimmune disorder ( I’m not sure about specifics), diabetes, and also has bad back pain due to her falling on it multiple times. Because of how poor her health is I love my mum, I help her out whenever I can and I’m also very protective of her.

I walked away from him and went back towards the water fountain to stop myself from smacking him for talking badly about my mum and when my partner came over to me I told her I wanted to leave. She said ok and I left, after this I told her what happened and her brother apologized as he didn’t know about my mum’s health.

(She and her mum knew as I’ve spoken to them about it) I’ve told her that I accept his apology but I don’t want to see him for a little while. Some of my friends are telling me that I am the jerk because he’s only 10 and he doesn’t know any better.

But my dad is proud of me for sticking up for my mum and said he would’ve done the same for his mum as his mum had similar health to my mum.

I don’t know whether I’m in the right or wrong so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here, he’s 10, and you admit he doesn’t know about your mom. That’s just the default joke all kids make “Your mom”. Catching an attitude about it is a bit much honestly but you’re 15 and I guess you can’t discern yet that he was just being a kid.

But yeah, you can’t let a small child get you emotional like that bc while it was a crude joke (a joke at that), he wasn’t referencing your mother’s disease or her issues.” WickedAngelLove

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all. I think you handled that situation as well as you could have.

I think you walking away and leaving was the right choice. It makes sense that his joke was extremely hurtful due to your mom’s health especially. Even if he is just 10 years old and didn’t know, it still doesn’t make it any less hurtful.” leaf_storm99

Another User Comments:

“NTJ What is an appropriate age to make “your mom” jokes, anyway? Not 10.” Orange_Fire_Fan

“This is going to be a long one, I became pregnant in 2022 with my first pregnancy and first children (it was twins). I told everyone else first and told my mother last and she was LIVID that I did not tell her first.

Jump to new years 2023 I gave birth my kids passed away on Jan 3rd.

Later in the year in 2023 my mother went to say my deceased children basically never existed and that I shouldn’t worry getting anything such as birth or death certificates. She stated they didn’t exist because they both were only one pound each and that they were “basically a miscarriage” (I gave birth at 26 weeks via csection).

Fast forward a year to Jan 2024, me and my partner just found out we are pregnant with our rainbow baby. We are super happy so we told my family and my mom is being super biased. Telling me that it’s impossible for me to be pregnant because “I didn’t test a week after my missed period” I also showed her my faint positive pregnancy test, and she said it was negative and there’s no way I would get a positive a few days later and also criticizing us about it having our own car (this is not anything we worry about since we are fine walking in a small town, and my health insurance covers rides to doctors visits).

My mother has also gone on to say I can’t afford having my new baby, she knows nothing about where we are at financially; We can afford this baby perfectly fine and I feel like she has no right to say anything when she knows nothing about our lives.

Today (Jan 8th) I got a ride from my mom to a dentist appointment (couldn’t call insurance for a ride due to the holidays, Christmas and new years) and she turned her head away from me, ignored me when I tried talking to her.

She asked me how the appointment went and I told her it went good but they can’t do X-rays because I’m not far enough in and we don’t want to harm the fetus (about 4 weeks pregnant). They

Can’t do X-rays until I’m in my second trimester my mother saying that it’s stupid.

I feel like my mother is being super rude, has no place to say anything about me and my finances financial status. I feel like she’s purely guessing “facts” about our lives. And I feel like she’s saying I’m lying about being pregnant.

Me and my partner have spoken about limiting updates to her since she’s being rude..

So would I be the jerk if I limited updates to my mother from how she is acting?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s your pregnancy, you can limit whatever information you want and it sounds like your mom only has negative things to say.

I agree it is not her place to say anything about any of this… except, maybe, the car thing. As someone who has dealt with several friends and family who think they get by just fine without a car, I suspect she ends up giving you more rides than you let on.” JeepersCreepers74

Another User Comments:

“NTJ- Your Mom sounds like an absolute jerk. I wouldn’t give her any information at all. Your twins weren’t real!?! W T actual F! I am so sorry that your Mom is the way she is. That is just not right.

I would definitely think about going low to no contact with her.” MrsMalch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I am so so sorry for your loss. They absolutely were and are real – your love for them is true. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I know that our parent relationships are complex but your mother sounds endlessly cruel.

I would encourage you to not only limit the pregnancy information but to explore more space from her in general. For anyone, let alone your own mother, to tell you that your children weren’t real?? The cruelty of that…I am just so sorry.

You deserve better.” AggravatingSundae989

“For the past few years, my parent-in-laws have taken us kids (Husband, myself, our son (2 YO), my SIL, and her partner) on an annual vacation.

My SIL and her partner have never contributed financially to this vacation however my husband and I do.

SIL and their partner missed this past year because they welcomed a new baby to their family and they have 2 very untrained bully-breed dogs. The dogs have yet to be allowed to come on vacation so before this past year, they have sought out someone to watch the dogs.

I want to mention, that these dogs are very untrained. They have bitten me, and tried to attack my son which led to him being terrified of them (thankfully they were in crates at the time so it was just loud barking) and they uncontrollably jump at you when excited if not in the cages.

SIL has made it clear they are her first babies and since their actual baby was born, she says the dogs have calmed down… we won’t risk going over there after previous encounters.

We are currently planning our next annual trip, I am due with our next child so we will be expanding our trip to two additional children.

My MIL suggested that we rent a bigger house with 3 bedrooms and a walk-out basement so my SIL and partner could come with the dogs and their child. The problem being is that MIL and FIL always get the biggest room and ensuite which for them has been a nonnegotiable, SIL with her dogs, partner, and baby will get the entire downstairs, so my husband and I with 2 kids under 2YO will get whatever room is left for the 4 of us to cram in to.

When this was brought up, I was shocked at the suggestion especially considering my husband and I have been the ones to contribute in the past financially.

I suggested that our portion of the family (hubs and kids) will find a place to stay because we don’t want to vacation with the dogs or be crammed in a small room.

Well… MIL was not happy about that and said SIL has had to compromise and miss out before and the dogs shouldn’t be a problem or reason for us not to stay together. What’s the point of even planning it if we don’t stay with them?

She is upset at me and thinks I’m being a judgemental jerk to my SIL.

My husband supports my reasons thank goodness but I know he is concerned the vacation won’t happen unless I cave.

AITJ for suggesting we stay in separate accommodations?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If the dogs have bitten you and attacked your kid in the past, do not go near them again. Make it clear that you and your family will not go if the dogs will be there. Your SIL can love her dogs all she wants.

She doesn’t get to force you into being around them. And your husband should be on board with the possible conclusion that you just don’t go on these vacations anymore. He should also realize that this isn’t your fault.” seregil42

Another User Comments:

“NTJ ask your husband what the point of the vacation would be if his family – as in his wife and children – are cramped, miserable, and scared the whole time.

This is not a decision with only two options, you going with the dogs in the leftover room vs you not going at all. They are just trying to make it seem like that so they get what they want. There are lots of compromises, including what you suggested – 1) you get your place nearby 2) you pick a place with a layout and rooms that would make you comfortable and feel safe (might not exist) 3) SIL doesn’t bring her dogs 4) SIL gets another place for her family to stay at with her dogs 5) your family stays home but MIL and SIL get a vacation together (not unlike you had last year) 6) everybody stays home because apparently if they can’t have everything their way, they want nothing.” SnooPets8873

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’d be telling them under no circumstances will you be attending if the dogs are there too, and that you’re disappointed the needs of your family in terms of suitable space haven’t been considered in any way. How much is your contribution compared to the total cost of the trip usually?

Does your pulling out / not staying make it unaffordable for PIL?” cassjames6789

“I (22f) was abandoned at the hospital shortly after being born.

I wasn’t able to be adopted right away because I had some health problems, and ended up being placed in a temporary group home until I was three and able to properly be thrown into the system. I’ve bounced around from one family to another since then.

I was almost adopted once, but that fell through and I was moved again. I’ve been out of the system and on my own for a few years now. I know I’m lucky compared to a lot of foster kids. I got a part-time job at 17 and was able to save enough that I didn’t end up on the streets when the time came and I aged out.

I lived out of a cheap, not-so-great motel for a while, but this past year I got a better, full-time job and finally got my first apartment. It’s not amazing, but it’s mine. I feel like I’m starting to get my life together. But then I got a call.

The call was from a private investigator who was looking for me on behalf of my birth mother. He asked a bunch of questions and everything lined up with my story. In his words, my mother had been looking for me for several years, but since I was moved around so much it was hard to find me.

She wanted to meet me. I didn’t know what to say. It still doesn’t feel real sometimes. But, here’s where I might be the jerk. I told him no. I didn’t want to see her. I had a lot of emotions going through my mind, not the least of which was anger.

I told him I wouldn’t meet the woman who abandoned me. That she made a choice and doesn’t get to just take it back. He seemed to understand I was upset and gave me a number to contact him if I changed my mind.

Some of my friends I told this to think I’m being too harsh.

That if nothing else I should hear her out for my closure, but I just can’t do it. Maybe she did have a reason for why she left me, but I don’t think I want to know it. For now, I just want to focus on myself.

Others agree that I have no obligation to meet her, and shouldn’t force myself for someone I don’t even know. It’s been about a month and a half since that call. I’m still not sure if I made the right choice or not.

Should I have agreed to meet my mother?

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Do whatever suits you. She’s not a baby in a hospital; you don’t need to consider her feelings here. Remove her from the equation and decide what would best support you. In your shoes, I’d probably meet her, but also make sure she did not know too much about where I work, live, etc so that I could nope out at any stage.

There’s no way for you to be the jerk here.” Ga_Ed

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is a highly personal decision, your friends have no right to say you are being harsh they have no idea what it feels like and what you’ve been through.

You do what you feel is right for you, it’s only been a month and a half which isn’t that long to process it, you still have the number to contact you can always make contact at a later date if you want to.” dazed1984

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your birth mother may have had a very good reason for leaving you, but you’ve had an extremely difficult life because of it. It’s not your responsibility to address her regrets or emotions. I don’t think anything she could say would give you “closure” and it could open you up to her continually pursuing you for a relationship.

Think about it and hang onto the PI’s number. Meeting her isn’t your only option; perhaps this woman could send you a letter through the PI or you could arrange a call that lets you block your number. This decision is wholly yours and you should only do what you feel comfortable doing.

(Since you had health problems, depending on what they were/are, it might be worth requesting family health information from her. That too is a very personal choice, but something to consider.)” Icy_Blueness1206

“I (17m) am leaving for college in the summertime, I got into a huge private university in a big city due to scholarships for academics and tennis. Anyway my family doesn’t have much money my dad passed and my mom is single providing for me(kinda) and 14f sister.

When I was 15 I got a high-paying job and saved my money, which I used to buy myself everything I ever wanted. This included gym membership, a 20k car I bought and is in MY NAME, a 2k dollar gaming computer, PS5, and some other things.

Recently talks in my family arose about how nice life will be for my Mom 39f and sister when I leave for college since they will get a new car(my car) and the gaming devices my sister wants. I informed them that I would be taking all those things with me to college and they were not theirs to divide amongst themselves.

My mom was furious because she was expecting a new car, for reference she drives a 2008 Focus with 250k miles on it and I bought a 2019 Jeep that has 45k miles on it. I informed my mom that if she stopped spending so much money on drinks which she claims she needs from work stress and spoiling my sister with materialistic expensive crap, she could buy a new one and that it wasn’t my job to provide her with over 30k worth of things I bought.

She responds if we are playing that game you need to give me back all the things I bought you because besides necessities like housing, clothes, and food, she owes me nothing. I told her sure and gave her back my iPhone, then drove to Verizon and purchased a brand-new one.

When I came home with it she called me “unbearable” I told me once I left for college, I was not welcome back, to which my sister agreed.

AITJ”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. When a parent tries to argue that they provided necessities on why they should have items you purchased, it means they have no real argument left. What they did was pay the cost of choosing to raise a child, which is providing them with those necessities.

And please, take their generous offer and never return.” SokoIsCool

Another User Comments:

“NTJ if you bought them with the money you earned they are yours to do with as you please. You And I hate people who use the “you owe us for the rent/food/clothes/utilities I provided” – you do not owe your parent for things they are supposed to provide their children and if they expect a pay-back for those things then they shouldn’t have had children.

No child “owes” their parents for necessities.” wanderingstorm

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Unless there’s some relevant missing info here—like who pays the insurance?—your mom is trying to take your assets (repeatedly and manipulatively). That’s financial mistreatment. Will you be 18 when you go to college?

As soon as you turn 18, lock & monitor your credit. It’s a good idea even if your mom backs down. You can go to court if you need to emancipate before 18 or if her bills are suddenly in your name.” km-messedup

“I love my MIL. I really do. She’d give you the shirt off of her back even if it meant she’d have nothing left, but sometimes she can be a bit too much.

She likes to give advice, but if you don’t do as she advises or tell her it’s not what you’d like to do then she gets a bit offended or will continue to do what she thinks is best.

I have a 4 yo, and when he was a baby she would claim he was starving (we didn’t know he had pyloric stenosis and milk allergy) and would recommend feeding him more or putting cereal in his food at 2 months old. I got so fed up at one point we got into it, but I won’t get into that right now.

After that she would do things behind my back, like feed him a whole 2 ounces more with cereal in his bottle while my husband was supposed to be watching him and then blame it on my husband when she accidentally outed herself (and he took the blame).

That’s not even all of the things she did, but onto the main discussion.

When I found out I was pregnant for my 2nd baby I knew immediately that I wanted to breastfeed so I could avoid those issues. Well, during my BF journey, my daughter had bad latch and wasn’t gaining weight that well until I saw a LC and we fixed the problem.

Even after finding out what the issue was my MIL kept telling me that my milk wasn’t nutritious enough, that I wasn’t producing enough, and that I should start pumping and giving her a bottle. I tried to educate her on BF, but she doesn’t support it and thinks it weird.

She even told my husband that she hoped my baby would have milk allergy like my son so I’d have to give her a bottle and she could feed her too. She said many other things as well, some of which were pretty harsh.

Even now, at 7 months, she still insists that she should be eating table foods (she’s on baby purées) now and that I shouldn’t be BF anymore. I still won’t let her watch my baby, but I’ve let my mom and grandmother watch her multiple times already.

AITJ for not allowing her to watch her first granddaughter? I know sometimes she is just trying to help and she is her grandmother. I can’t help but feel a tad guilty about it, but I just can’t stand the idea of her overstepping boundaries that I put in place like she had done with my son.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This might even lead to divorce. Your husband is a horrible partner and father to allow his mother to get away with so much. You need to consider making a stand with him on it. He needs to be the one standing up to HIS mother and not force you to have to be the party to do it.

Her advice can be welcomed. But if she refuses to accept you and your husband’s stances as THE parents, then she can keep those opinions to herself. She already put one child at risk due to feeding with cereal in milk when it could have been an issue.

Will your husband be willing to allow your kids get accidentally given a major allergic reaction to something by her doing something her way?” Gandoff2169

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, she probably is coming from a place of wanting to help, but you’re the parent and have the right/responsibility to make decisions for your child.

If you can’t trust her to abide by those decisions, then she can’t watch the baby. I appreciate the difficult position you’re in though. My MIL watches our baby a day or two a week and there’s a few things I’ve had to put my foot down about (pool not being fenced, safe sleep, etc.).

Other things I let slide since I value her help with my child more than controlling that specific thing for my kid (my kid gets more TV time and sugar at my MIL’s house than I’d like). You have to find the balance for what you are and are not okay with.

Sounds like you’re not okay with her comments and actions feeding the baby, so she can’t watch the baby until she adjusts or it becomes a non-issue (baby weans).” PrangentHasFormed

Another User Comments:

“NTJ That is YOUR child. If she isn’t listening to you, then there is no need for her to watch your kid.

My mom had a hard time adjusting to my sons allergies when we were told he had over 10+ allergies that are in almost everything. But my mom also asked if this or that was ok and would check on almost everything. Set you MIL straight and if she still doesn’t listen, tell her she cant have access.” COLGkenny

“My fiancés mother is a Jack of all trades; LPN, hairdresser, and dog groomer.

Currently she is an LPN for work, and she’s in her mid 50s. She only cuts hair from her house now.

I love her very much, but personally, I believe she has outdated hairstyling techniques. She seems to give very exact, bowl type cuts for men, and they tend to poof out on the sides as well.

Whenever my fiancé gets a haircut from his mom, I don’t really like it, but he insists to “not hurt her feelings”. I have swallowed my words for 4 years every haircut he gets, but my wedding is where I want to draw the line.

I have had her cut my hair a couple of times, and the last time she cut my hair, I had her take length off. I am biracial and have curly hair, so I advised her to kind of leave more than she normally would for straight hair.

I woke up the next morning and my hair was poofy as a poodle. I looked like Dora pretty much. It was shorter than chin length, and I wanted it to touch my shoulders. That was the first time I have ever received an undesirable haircut (my mother is also a hairdresser, mid 40s, and it is her main source of income) so it was very devastating for me.

Took me a year to grow out all of the issues with the length, and my bangs also were cut very short, way shorter than desired. Ever since then, I am honestly traumatized and I don’t let her cut my hair anymore. I never told her how I felt to spare her feelings, but I’m sure she knows I don’t want my hair cut by her anymore since it’s been over a year since she did it last.

To add to this, his mother is very much a worry wart, and she seems very perfectionist, so often times she cuts more and more and more off your head because she wants it to look even. This type of thing worries me and is probably why I had such short hair after my last cut with her.

Every woman dreams of this day, and I want our wedding photos to be beautiful. I just want to see his hair in a more up-to-date hairstyle than I believe his mom can give him, at least for our wedding photos. It matters very much to me.

AITJ for requesting that my fiancé goes to a younger, more up to date hairdresser before our wedding date?

He claims that it will hurt her feelings, which may be true, but isn’t our wedding about us?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here but you’re making a mistake.

I’ve officiated many weddings and talked to couples. I’ll probably get down voted like crazy, but the focus on a wedding that looks perfect is a terrible mistake. You’re starting a marriage that will not be perfect. Beginning that with an event where the appearance matters more than the substance sets an awful precedent.

The objectively terrible haircut is part of your fiance’s family story. Your wedding pictures will be better if your fiance has a bad haircut that’s part of his family than if he gets a perfect haircut that means nothing. 50 years from now, your grandkids will get to hear the story of Grandpa’s bowl cut, and learn about the great-grandmother who died before they were born.

That’s more important then a wedding picture that fits an image that has been sold to you by a society with twisted priorities.” NaturalForty

Another User Comments:

“Not a jerk for not wanting her to cut his hair, but it’s his hair and if that’s what he wants then that’s what he wants You’re a bit of a jerk (to yourself) for letting someone with no experience of curly hair cut your hair.

There’s a reason that most black people only go to specific hair salons. Most hairdressers, even pros that work with models and on films, are only used to straight hair and would make a mess of curly or afro hair.” feetflatontheground

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I would not be happy with that on my wedding day but for real I need you to consider how much he will allow her to get away with in your marriage because “it will make her feel good”.

What is he going to make your kids go to her as well and have her butcher their curls too? That is the most minor thing but darn he has to put his foot down sometime for your relationship and himself. edit: minor as in fixable (eventually) I know how much hair means to people.” BriefHorror

“My family and I (m16) were eating at the dinner table together when I thought of a joke to tell, but sort of hesitated because I didn’t think it was very funny.

I decided to tell the joke anyway and it was silent for a few moments before my dad made a ‘womp womp’ type sound and I (although I tried to stop myself from doing so) began crying. I think it might be worth mentioning that I suffer from panic attack disorder and generalized anxiety.

My stepmom, who had not really been paying attention, asked me what was wrong and I simply told her I was embarrassed and otherwise didn’t know why I was crying. Shortly after, I finished my food and went to take care of my dishes and my dad told me to sit down and I couldn’t just storm off like that.

I told him I was done, meaning I was done with my food and dishes, but I think he may have taken it as a moody outburst.

After I finished washing my dishes, I went into the living room and was trying to calm myself down when my dad came into the living room and started saying stuff like “That’s life” and “What can you expect” I told him that if he didn’t find the joke funny, he could have kept it to himself.

He told me that if he had made the joke in high school, his friends would have made fun of him.

I started texting one of my friends about the situation because I was getting overwhelmed, but he noticed and called me out and said something like “‘Yeah, my dad the jerk laughed at me at the dinner table.'”

He followed it up a few moments later by saying “And now he’s trying to care-” and I cut him off and said “If this is how you care, I don’t want you to.”

He said that if he could record that moment and play it back, I would probably feel offended by my own behavior and I’m conflicted about if I should have said that or not.

He insisted on getting to the “root of the problem” and I told him the root was that I felt embarrassed and started crying and that was it. He went silent for a few minutes, then left the living room to go to his and my stepmom’s room.

I am currently in my room while I am writing this and it has been a little over 30 minutes since it went down.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ And I’m sorry your dad was being a brat. You were also a brat. But I don’t think you could help it.

Talk to someone about rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It can make tiny things seem overwhelming and too big to handle, almost instantly causing tears in some cases. Especially on top of panic disorder. And maybe sit Dad down when you’re both calm and asking him to please hold his comments until you’re done talking.

Then no matter what, force yourself to listen back—reminding him to breathe and please calm because you aren’t fighting or arguing, you’re discussing and you’re trying to work through your panic for this discussion. Remind yourself, too. If you’re the kind who has to write something down to get your head to slow down enough to make sense, maybe write him a letter (not text) explaining why you got upset, what embarrassed you, that you were only done with your dishes, etc. I know your feelings are hurt, but I also think you hurt his, too.

Maybe go give him a hug when you’re both calm if you have that kind of rapport with him. I think it’s no jerks here, but your dad should have been a bit more adult about it in my opinion.” derpyhermit

“My sister (32 f, we’ll call her Mary) and her husband (32 m, we’ll call him Bob) asked my husband (37 m, we’ll call him Sam) and me (38 f) to babysit their children (5 and 8) for a week while they went on a vacation to celebrate their 10th wedding anniversary.

My husband and I refused.

At first, my sister and brother-in-law asked us nicely, but when we politely declined, they started kicking up a fuss, arguing that my husband and I have no proper reason to refuse since the both of us are able-bodied, mentally capable, childless, financially stable, and otherwise unoccupied adults.

All their other family members either have children of their own or are not able to babysit due to various financial/health reasons, and Mary and Bob do not trust babysitters. So, since our only excuse was that we didn’t want to, Sam and I were the only ones who could babysit their kids.

Plus, we are family, so that would be a nice thing to do.

My husband and I told them that we would be happy to babysit their kids for a few hours (we had done that many times before), or, at most, a few days, but a week was far too much.

Sam and I both tolerate kids (we love our family though), but we don’t like spending time with them very much, which is why we chose to not have children of our own. Therefore, a week with two young children would be very strenuous for us.

We also both have full time jobs, and I was in the middle of an important project at the time my sister and BIL asked us to babysit. On top of that, Mary and Bob wanted to go a week before Christmas and come back on the 24th, a time period which happened to coincide with their children’s winter break, meaning that the kids would be at home 24/7 with no one to care for them.

Therefore, we would be forced to either use funds out of our own pockets to hire a babysitter to babysit the kids we’re supposed to be babysitting (and, again, Mary and Bob don’t trust sitters), or one or both of us would have to take the week or parts of the week off.

Both options were clearly unfavorable for my husband and I, so, we declined.

To put it plainly, we refused simply because helping would make us uncomfortable, which, when phrased like so, sounds very mean. Because we were their only option, my sister and brother-in-law had to cancel their vacation because they had no one to leave their kids with.

Now the whole family is calling us cruel and lazy and saying Sam and I ruined my sister’s anniversary. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I don’t understand your sister and BIL. “… otherwise unoccupied” ??? You work full time, when are you unoccupied??

It doesn’t matter that you felt uncomfortable looking after the kids for a week! You had to work! If the kids weren’t hard to care for, then a family member with kids could’ve had the kids. It wouldn’t have added much more to them, your sister didn’t want to pay towards their care by another family member.

They picked you because you have money and they wouldn’t have to pay you (paying you for your unpaid leave would’ve been more than a bit of food money to someone else).” Unlikely-Shop5114

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The entitlement is strong here. Their children, their responsibility.

It’s not like someone we’re having a medical emergency or any kind of emergency at all. As a rule, you don’t book a vacation expecting someone to care for your children. You make those arrangements *before* booking, and if nobody wants to help you out, you either don’t go or you bring the kids with you.

The title is kind of misleading though – you have not forced your sister to do anything. She tried to force *you* to take care of her kids *for a whole week* – I mean, I wouldn’t be doing that for anyone outside of an emergency – you stood your ground and the fallout is entirely her own doing.” Mountain_Cat_cold

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all…especially considering they fully expected one or both of you to take a full week’s precious vacation right before the holidays… When you’re likely competing with coworkers wanting the same time… Just to babysit their children, who they must not enjoy being around themselves.

Why in the world did they schedule this trip when the kids are not in school?” dart1126

“Ok so, I(21f) switched careers recently, and decided to start studying performing arts. I am sort of shy and not the most social person, but I have noticed that the line between teachers and students can sometimes blur in the fields which pertain to artistic careers.

I started a particular class where my teacher (48m) was very cool and charming. And he would constantly seek me out during class. I was beginning to feel proud, thinking that he thought I was good or had potential, and he gave me the role of assistant director for the play we are making.

However he seemed to be very flirty and made it seem casual. He would casually joke about how pretty I was or touch me in a way that was sort of affectionate, but I noticed he sometimes did so with other people and they were kind of chill about it, even though it always seemed a little off to me.

But it was never something inappropriate enough to say something about it. As I said before, I have a hard time understanding social cues sometimes. So I simply assumed it’s my problem that I was feeling a little odd, because maybe I’m too uptight.

Then one day he came to class and kind of singled me out when no one was looking and told me that he had been having dreams about me where we kissed and that maybe we should make it happen sometime.

A part of me got all fluttery and excited because I find him attractive and he’s so talented, but a bigger part feels like it’s kind of messed up. I still feel like I’m too young and it feels wrong that he said this to me, but my friends keep saying I’m making too big a deal.

I eventually found out that he also has a partner who is out of town.

Anyway, after this I started feeling too awkward around him so I began to avoid him in the hallways and kind of ignoring him in general, putting some distance during class as well.

I just wanted to remove myself from this situation and kept thinking that maybe I lead him on by enjoying the attention or something or by not saying anything sooner.

Eventually I just started feeling like maybe everything was in my head so I asked him about it, to which he replied that “if I felt that he had any romantic feelings towards me, I misunderstood him”

I don’t know what to make of all of this, I don’t know if I’m making too big a deal. I just have all these feelings because now I think his favoritism was due to specific intentions and he has moved on to another girl in my class, and I was so stupid not to see it for what it was.

But then I think maybe I lead him on some type of way, maybe I did something. Everybody keeps saying I’m overreacting and nothing really happened.

So AITJ for freaking out and avoiding my teacher??”

Another User Comments:

“You have darn good instincts and you did exactly the right thing in starting to avoid this teacher.

You did not lead him on, and he had no business treating you as he did. Trust yourself. The ‘everybodys’ who say you are overreacting are absolutely wrong. NTJ.” YourLittleRuth

Another User Comments:

“NTJ NTJ NTJ NTJ. You did not lead him on. If you have any evidence of this in writing, report him.

This behavior is common in the performing arts tbh but it’s not okay. Your instincts here have been wonderful and have protected you in what could become a harmful situation very quickly.” thislsnotoveryet

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your teacher is still your teacher. Even if you’re not a minor it’s still inappropriate for him to approach you romantically.

Good for you OP for calling him out on his bs. It’s not surprising that he denied having romantic feelings, because your school would certainly not approve. You’re not in the wrong for feeling uncomfortable and could consider speaking to administration or other student support services about it.” crilindey

“My mother (CNA) and stepdad (RN) bought and opened an Assistant residential home. My siblings M20 and F19 also help out.

Fast forward I started working full time with my parents since I have a 1 year old and I only have sitters available ending of the week.

I clocked in 46 hours for the pay period and was asked to provide my direct deposit information so I can get paid on time with everyone else. Friday came and I checked my account throughout the morning to see if my deposit would hit, and nothing came.

At this point, I didn’t get upset. I called my mother to let my stepdad know and he contacted payroll to see what the problem was. He explained that my stepdad had set up my payment to be deposited in 2 weeks. He assured us that the problem could be fixed and the check should be deposited Monday morning.

It is now Monday and I’m here feeling distressed and confused. I woke up to nothing deposited into my account. I still calmed myself and contacted my mother to explain I haven’t been paid. My stepdad was next to her when I called, and he told me he would contact payroll again.

I waited an hour for a call back and no one called me. I contacted my mother again and she mentioned she forgot to call me back and would call me back when she was back in office. Mind you guys I’m here just confused. My mother isn’t showing much concern or any encouragement to this situation.

Another hour has passed and she didn’t call me back. I waited 30 more minutes and decided to call her again. She explained to me that the payroll secretary did not resubmit my direct deposit Friday so nothing was sent. She told me that I would have to come into the workplace to pick up a check or cash tomorrow from my stepdad.

My stepdad has another job he manages so he leaves the assistant living around noon. Sometimes he gets really busy and I’m worried he might forget to give me my check.

My issue here is the fact that I’m here constantly calling my mother who is supposed to be my employer to pay me my hours worked. And I have to pay bills.

I was waiting on my check to cover my bills that I have split with my partner and it just sucks that you try to help your family and you can’t get the same help back.

Do you think I’m just overreacting? or Do I need to be patient?

At this point, I’m deciding to not continue work with them if I have to chase after my money.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but you are overreacting just a little bit. Banks work on a different timeline then all of us. Whatever was done at the end of the day on Friday won’t hit your account until Tuesday morning.

Banks process everything on the weekend and it doesn’t post until after the weekend (Monday night). It sucks, but that’s how it works. The payroll company could also be on a different time zone. I have to have our payroll in by 2PM because the processing company is east coast and I’m on the west.” slap-a-frap

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but the first paycheck at a new job is almost always messed up and has nothing to do with the company itself. You seem to be working yourself up way too much over a one time issue. If it becomes a pattern that would be one thing, but just one screwup that they have already offered to fix for you is not that bad.” DMoplenty

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Make this your last check with them. Once you get your money, bail on them. I hear this all the time where families will be sure to pay the strangers that work for them and make their families the last priority or expect them to be okay with late checks.

Like, whyyy? They have bills too!” Ok-Context1168

“This is my first time doing this, but I recently joined a start-up company after 9 months of work turmoil. In February 2023, I learned that I was going to lose my job of over 3.5 years due to a loss of funding (in academia).

I joined another group part of academia and it lasted for 3 months due to dealing with a toxic boss. I left, constantly applied for jobs, and dealt with the stress of not having any insurance (I’m in the US) and financial responsibilities without a job, until I landed in this current one.

I feel better there and I appreciate the patience and comfort from my current boss after what I’ve been through. They seem like accommodating people. The day after I joined, this individual who just completed graduate school joined us. The person is nice, but a bit awkward… but I certainly know that this coworker means well.

The coworker decided to get a dog, and I’ll admit that it’s cute… just like a teddy bear. It was 8 weeks old when the coworker got it, and now it’s at least 14 weeks old. I understand that it’s a puppy, given that I grew up around dogs before and I understand that the dog is too young to be home alone, but almost every time the coworker leaves to do something (given that the dog is in a crate in our office area), it whines, howls, and barks… wanting the owner back as well as attention.

This coworker is single and lives in a different state from their family, for there isn’t anyone to watch the dog while the coworker is busy. Hence, they have to bring in the dog every day. It recently began relieving itself of the crate, even during team meetings.

I was fine with it at first, but it’s starting to get on my nerves. I struggled to focus on reading articles and stuff because the dog wouldn’t calm down. Sometimes, I had to stop what I was doing to calm it down (petting, playing with it, etc.), but it wouldn’t stop with the noises.

Given that it isn’t fixed yet, it became a little aggressive. I had no idea what the coworker was doing today, but I tried to calm it down and I got dizzy after standing from a squatting position by the crate, and I needed to sit down.

I couldn’t do anything to help for the time being. And the coworker eventually came in to calm it down and asked me, “What have you been up to?” I was too exhausted to answer since it was the end of the day after going to another location for a brief time, followed by 3 team meetings, plus the dizzy spell.

So this is why I’m here. I’m afraid of being that person if I were to say that I can’t focus on that dog there constantly whining and honestly, that person put themself thereby getting that dog in the first place. That was their choice, not mine.

So WIBTJ to tell them to stop bringing in that dog? I don’t know what to do at this point.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ This is a place of business. Pets stay at home. Pets stay at home. Pets stay at home. > This coworker is single and lives in a different state from their family, for there isn’t anyone to watch the dog while the coworker is busy.

Gee, it’s almost like they made a poor decision about what kind of pet to get?” StAlvis

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTA. Your coworker needs to figure something out. Pets do not belong in a place of work, and this dog is not well-trained enough to do that.

Certainly, there needed to be a unanimous agreement among everyone else working there. If your coworker keeps bringing in the dog after you ask, you need to bring it to HR, or your boss.” booksworm102

Another User Comments:

“NTJ First, seriously, ignore it while it’s in the crate.

Don’t let it, don’t talk to it, don’t “calm it down.” The dog learns that when it whines, it gets your attention, so it keeps whining. Second, the dog should not be in the office. It’s loud, distracting, and is damaging property.

The owner should have accepted the offer to work from home or take a vacation to house-train the dog and then work with a sitter or something. Your desire to have a dog-mess-free office is completely reasonable. (I have a dog myself, but yeah — I don’t bring her to the office.)” matchy_blacks

“Last night I (21F) cooked dinner as I usually would for my partner (20M) and me, and it was a chicken dish.

If it makes any difference, the chicken I had bought packaged from a supermarket yesterday was still relatively fresh according to the use-by date. Between my partner and I, if one cooks the other will wash the dishes and put leftovers away, and so later that night my partner was washing up and went to put the leftovers away but for whatever reason decided to leave the dinner leftovers in the saucepan.

I had noticed before I went to bed and asked what he was planning on doing with the leftovers and he just replied “I’m taking them to work tomorrow for lunch”. Fair enough I thought and I just went to bed.

Come the next morning and we’re both getting ready to leave for work, and by the time I had made my way downstairs, my partner had already packed his lunch and was just getting ready.

I thought nothing out of the ordinary and we both headed off for the day.

Posting in real time, I not long ago got home and I found my partner glued to the loo, groaning and moaning and some other unpleasant sounds. I ask what’s wrong, and he starts going off about the chicken.

I just said “Well I’m fine, did you heat it enough before eating it?”, and in return got a meek response of “No, I ate it cold from the saucepan”. I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit confused about why he was eating it from the saucepan and even more confused because I didn’t see him LEAVE this morning with the saucepan so I asked about a container, he said all of our food containers have vanished from the cupboard and he hadn’t washed any others that night so he just left the leftovers on the bench overnight and took them to work today.

I really didn’t mean to sound the way I did when I said it but I replied “Why the heck would you do that, did you want food poisoning?” and he fired back angrily with “Well last night when you asked you didn’t say anything about it”.

YEAH well, I thought it was common sense that leaving chicken out for over 12 hours (16 hours I believe by the time he eats lunch) and then eating it would lead to a bad situation but not, so AITJ for not warning him of the consequences of eating old, unrefrigerated chicken?

Or are there circumstances where that’s okay and I should have warned him?”

Another User Comments:

“That is a completely reasonable response to finding out that your husband has less knowledge about food safety than a 5-year-old. NTJ Oh, and yes there are times when it’s okay to eat old unrefrigerated chicken.

Unfortunately, you can’t tell which times those are without a microscope to see if it’s contaminated with bacteria. This ends up with the deciding factor being that age-old adage, “Do I feel lucky?” inFinEgan

Another User Comments:

“It’s very annoying that he thinks the mental load of making sure he stores his next day’s lunch adequately is somehow your responsibility.

And is blaming you for not making sure he took the correct precautions. I’d see this as a major red flag that a lot of the mental load and burden of making sure things are done properly will fall on you in the future and you’ll be blamed for anything that goes wrong while he does nothing to help out.” EnchantressOfAlbion

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – As you go through life you will come to realize common sense is not as common as one would think. Unfortunately, there are quite a few people in the world who’ve not been taught some very basic things. And I know you’re probably thinking why do they even need to be taught, it should be obvious but not everyone’s brain works the same.

What is obvious to one person is just not easily grasped by another. But still, you’re NTJ here, there was no way for you to know that a grown man who’s been putting leftovers in the fridge the whole time you’ve known him didn’t understand why he should always put them in the fridge.

Hope he feels better soon.” Sweetsmyle

“I (23f) do not want to attend my sister’s wedding in June (27f). For context, my sister and I have never had a strong relationship, especially since my dad’s first divorce. (When I was 5ish) There wasn’t bad blood, just no connection, and my dad did not put a lot of effort into helping us have a relationship.

She also moved to Montana to be away from everyone for college and rarely came back to visit. When I graduated college, she came and visited for the party. She was treating me like a dumb younger sister who knew nothing and I snapped at her saying “At least I graduated college” (she dropped out).

She did not talk to me for a few years after that even after I apologized.

Additional information is that my sister does not like our mom. She claims that she mistreatmented her all the time and did terrible things to her. I never witnessed these things and cannot confirm nor deny anything.

My mom was first diagnosed with cancer 10 years ago and won.

She was recently re-diagnosed in October and had a second brain surgery. A few days after her surgery my sister texted her saying she hated her and that she was a terrible person and didn’t care about what she was going through.

This was out of the blue and very distressing to my mom and stepdad. Fast forward to mid-December. My mom entered hospice care. My sister called me out of the blue when I was visiting. She started by love-bombing me saying that she was proud of me and wanted me to know how much she loved me.

This was a huge red flag. She then started making comments about me being a doctor(not true or a goal of mine). Eventually, she invited me to her wedding in June which she never told me she was engaged. I felt it was wrong to pretend everything was okay so I brought up Mom and how it would be nice if she could try writing a letter.

She proceeded to spill specific mistreatmented examples to me. I told her I couldn’t deal with that right now and just wanted her to know that Mom was going to die soon. Eventually, it ended with her just hanging up after I told her I couldn’t listen to her stories.

The next week my mom passed. I haven’t heard from my sister that night and I even sent her a happy birthday message. I don’t want to work on our relationship at this point and the flights are like $500. My dad says I need to go but I don’t care.

So AITJ for declining to go to her wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. My condolences to you and your family. Right now your stepdad needs you more than your sister who was rarely ever there for your family. So it would only make sense to support your stepdad rather than celebrate the milestone of someone who has hated the whole family.

Also, have you considered the possibility of your sister being influenced by your bio dad that is causing her to despise even her mom?” DiligentPenguin_7115

Another User Comments:

“I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. NTJ, you are under no obligation to attend any wedding let alone one that is not local to you.

Take your time and do what you feel is right for you.” Sheeshrn

Another User Comments:

“NTJ You don’t have to accept any invitation you don’t like. So no, you’re not the jerk for that. But what irked me is how you call her traumatic events “stories”.

You said you don’t know if they’re true or not. Didn’t your mother explain to you? Your sister was full of hate towards your mom. You might get a good mom and she might get a bad one and yes, even if you share the same mom this is possible.

Not all kids are treated the same by their parents. So when you said “your stories” you belittled her feelings. Yes, I understand your dear mom was dying and you wanted her to come but what if “her stories” are true? Also, I can tell you don’t believe her since you call her a storyteller and maybe that’s why she is not close to you and maybe she thought opening a door with her but you refused. Again, you’re not the jerk for not going but I would like to hear your mom from your sister.” professionaldrama-