People Are Loud And Clear About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“My F30 sister “Kim” F33 had her birthday dinner 2 nights ago. There were about 12 people in attendance. Kim and I aren’t close. She was the golden child and I was the scapegoat. Kim was always very cruel to me and got away with it because my mom never held her accountable.

Kim had one too many drinks at dinner and began telling an incredibly traumatizing story from my childhood. Kim constantly tells this story as if it’s goofy and lighthearted. The trauma from this situation impacts my daily life.

When I was 9 and Kim was 12, we were at my neighbor “Nate’s” house, who was 13.

Nate had an old storage trunk in his room. Kim convinced me to get in the trunk. The trunk had a built-in lock that didn’t work. Once I was inside, they closed the lid, and somehow, the lock on the trunk suddenly worked again.

They tried for several minutes to get it open. At first, I thought they were just messing with me, and pretending they couldn’t open it. Once I realized they weren’t joking, I began to panic. Nate refused to get his parents because he didn’t want to get in trouble.

He then began making jokes to scare me like “let’s throw the trunk down the stairs to see if that opens it” and “let’s set it on fire and burn her out!”

After an hour of being trapped in there, he said “I’m not getting in trouble for this, I’m going to watch TV.” He and Kim left the room to go watch TV while I cried and panicked. They came back an hour later and tried opening the trunk again.

My legs had gone numb and my whole body was aching. I had been crying for hours and told them I felt like I was running out of air. They discussed how they could get me out without getting in trouble. Finally, after almost 3 hours of being stuck in there, he finally got his parents.

His dad came running in with a crowbar and pried the lid open. His parents apologized to me profusely and grounded Nate. My parents did nothing to discipline Kim and told me I was being dramatic.

That experience traumatized me, and to this day, I am severely claustrophobic.

I can’t even cuddle my fiancé because it’s too constricting.

Kim began telling the trunk story for the thousandth time, laughing throughout as if it were an amusing childhood story. Without raising my voice, I cut her off and said “that’s not a funny story, Kim.

You’re always telling this story like it’s a cute tale from our youth. That was traumatizing. I have regular nightmares and flashbacks from that day. To this day, I have extreme claustrophobia. I could have died from suffocation. It’s not like I was in there for 10 minutes; I was in there for almost 3 hours.”

Everyone got really quiet, and just kind of awkwardly stared at their food. We sat in silence for the rest of the meal. It definitely killed the vibe. Kim and my mom sent me angry texts saying that I owed Kim an apology for making a scene and ruining her birthday.

Every time she tells that story, it’s like I’m in the trunk again. All the trauma comes flooding back. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“So the next time she starts to tell the story, interrupt her and tell your own story of how your sister and neighbor attempted to kill you by locking you in a trunk with diminishing air and how they were more concerned with getting into trouble than saving you, and how you to this very day have trauma caused by the incident.

You can add that your sister has never apologized, how your parents never got you assistance, and they pampered your entitled almost murdering sister. Then ask her if she has grown up yet. She will probably never bring it up again. NTJ.” TanKris67

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But you are deluding yourself by keeping in contact with these people. I’d probably suggest some therapy to unpack your life and how you’ve been abused by your mom and sister. The way it’s going I can see you being expected to care for your mother as she ages while your sister carries on her merry life… you’ll do it thinking that your mom will finally love you and be grateful but the reality is that she likely never will and will get meaner and you’ll feel even worse about yourself.

A therapist can help you develop some strategies to have a healthy self-respect for yourself and also set some boundaries. You don’t necessarily have to go NC (but I would) because your mental health is yours to control… and how you feel shouldn’t be dictated by others.

You are not obligated to any of them. The best revenge is to live your best life surrounded by people who actually care and support you… not people like your mom and sister who think that it’s okay to put you down and laugh at your distress.

What’s your dad say about how you’ve been treated your entire life?” KitchenDismal9258

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I think I know exactly what type of trunk you are talking about. Children have died in them. I have one in my basement and I removed the lock from it completely to prevent anything like this from ever happening in my home, or wherever the trunk ends up next.

PSA – if you have an antique storage trunk just remove the darn lock. It could save a life or an irreparable amount of trauma.” milliemaywho

“I (21F) went on a date with someone we’ll just call Eve (22F).

We met online and seemed to hit it off. I doubt you need the details.

She’s in school, I’m not, so over the weekend we went out to eat. There’s nowhere super fancy here because it’s a small town, but there is a place that serves steak, so I took her there.

I told her to order whatever, and I’d pay for it. Drinks, food, appetizers, anything. The date went well and when the check came, I grabbed some gift cards I got from my job. I’d been saving them for over a year for whenever I’d have an excuse to eat at this steak place, so they covered the entire meal.

Eve was sort of quiet when I gave the gift cards to the waitress, and I asked her if everything was okay. She kinda looked at me funny and asked if I only chose this place because I had gift cards. I told her the truth that no, I picked it because she said she likes steak, and that the gift cards were a nice bonus.

Then she told me it was weird to pay with gift cards instead of credit or debit on a date. Like it was devaluing her, or something because she ‘wasn’t worth my actual money’ (Not a direct quote).

I’m not broke, but I’m not rich.

I could’ve afforded the dinner on my own, yeah. I clarified that when she asked.

I just don’t see the big deal. She got a free meal, I (technically) got a free meal too. Everything else about the date was fine. Should I have just paid and saved my gift cards for another time???

I haven’t been on a date since high school so I wasn’t aware this was a big deal. I’m worried I look cheap. I’m careful with my money, but I don’t think I’m cheap.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I find the whole situation weird.

She had her meal paid for so she has no room for judgment on how it was paid. I find expecting one person to pay outdated so the judgment on how it was paid is extremely rude imo. If she had a problem with it she can pay for her own meal.” MilkyPsycow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You earned those gift cards at your job, so they’re no different from money that you earn at your job.

“Asked if I only chose this place because I had gift cards.” Even if you did, so what? She can’t afford to pay for herself, so you are still providing for her.

The nerve of some people!

“Should I have just paid and saved my gift cards for another time?” No! Taking her to this fancy steak place on what sounds like a first date was obviously a mistake. People you meet online aren’t worth this extravagance, as you have learned from this terrible experience.

I personally would never go on a first date with someone I met online at a restaurant or anywhere I am expected to lavish money on them. Coffee shops or meet at the park or walk at the beach only. Let this be the lesson you take away from this.

They need to earn your provision. Many of them are simply looking for someone to provide free meals and you are being a fool to fall for it.” ailuropod

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have used that gift card on yourself (nice steak dinner with a few drinks after a hard day at work) but you chose to use it on her.

But you wanted her company so you went on the date. She shouldn’t care how the bill is paid. Side note – I hope you tipped the server (and bartender if you had a drink or 2 before the meal) in cash after you settled the bill.

Most places do not tip out the remaining balance on the gift card. For example, bill is $75, you use 2 $50 gift cards, they don’t give that server $25 in cash. They would most likely give you a $25 gift card. It’s still up to you to tip the server/bartender.” zdave87

“I live in an apartment with two other people, one of which is the daughter of the landlord, let’s say Hannah.

She is moving to another apartment that is closer to her university on the first of May. The landlord already has another tenant who will move in on the first of May, whom we already met and like. So far no problems.

I had a conversation with Hannah this weekend and she told me she is planning to take most of the furniture in the living room and most kitchen stuff with her, including the TV, couch, plates & cutlery, and kitchen appliances.

I didn’t ask or say anything then and maybe I should’ve.

The thing is that my other roommate and I pay a little more rent for an apartment with “fully furnished living room and kitchen.” This is on paper in the rental agreement.

So yesterday I emailed our landlord and politely asked what his ideas are about the furniture, if he would replace things, if we should do it ourselves but would be compensated, or have our rent lowered, and just generally what would happen.

Today Hannah came up to me very angry because “I went behind her back and tattled on her” to her dad.

Apparently, her dad forbade her from taking the stuff she wanted to. Now she could only take the stuff from her bedroom and a couple of small things from the living room/kitchen.

She is mad I didn’t talk to her because “I went behind her back”, “we could’ve come to an agreement” and “I ruined her move because she couldn’t afford a lot of furniture”.

I feel like I maybe should’ve talked to her but I mostly feel like I have an agreement with the landlord (her dad) and not with her and I didn’t want to be involved in their business.

But AITJ and should I have done things differently?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have an agreement with the landlord that you are paying extra for a furnished place. You were right to ask questions. This is a business deal, plain and simple. The daughter sounds like she’s stuck in her mid-teens, emotionally. This isn’t about tattling.” KronkLaSworda

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This isn’t a situation of “going behind (Hannah’s) back.” Rather, Hannah was about to do something that would have been a significant change to your rental agreement, so you went to the landlord for clarification. I think it would have been equally valid to talk to her and equally valid to talk to the landlord.

What was not acceptable was Hannah’s apparent decision to troop off with most of the furniture without telling her parent/landlord.” EnderBurger

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not “tattling” to want to make sure the contract you agreed to is honored or to speak directly to your landlord, who is the sole party responsible for honoring his part of the agreement.

Hannah can’t negotiate on behalf of her father. You pay to rent a “fully furnished apartment”, and presumably part of your agreement stipulates what that constitutes (specific furniture, plates, cutlery, etc.), so anything she took, would not only have violated that initial agreement, it could have put you and your other roommate in a bad situation if those items were missing when you moved out.

The reality is, while I’m sure she thought she was real slick, her dad would have noticed at some point and she would have been in trouble regardless. All you did was protect yourself and your roommate.” screamqueen57

“I (18F) live with my roommate (19F) who showers once a week and our uni dorm room smells like a 2-day-old frutti di mare pizza. I’m not even joking, I was away the first weekend after we settled down while she spent the whole weekend in the room with the windows closed and when I came back, the smell was so strong I thought she had ordered some Domino’s and forgot to throw the leftovers away.

It was only after noticing that same horrid smell almost every day that I understood it came from her. The thing is she is either in class or in the room, she never goes out, so every time I enter the room there is a 70% chance it stinks.

For reference, I shower every day and I consider that I have good hygiene.

Obviously, it’s a very uncomfortable discussion to have and I’m far from being a bold person so I never had the courage to tell her anything. Also, we’re not really friends, we never talk as she is extremely shy.

When we first met I tried to get to know her but she seemed very uncomfortable so I gave up. Even when I ask her some basic questions she seems a bit afraid (I am NOT an intimidating person I literally look like a kid…).

I also cannot make any effort to be her friend because of how her hygiene affects me.

Still, it was in my opinion quite obvious that I was disturbed by the smell. Every time I or she entered the room, my first reflex was to open the windows.

I even bought an air purifier and used it regularly in front of her. However, nothing seemed to change (+ because of uni policy there is no perspective for me to change dorms) and I really started to give up and thought that my only option was to get accommodated to the smell.

Long story short, I recently had a very bad day (nothing to do with her) and my only wish was to go back to my room after class to just chill and calm my nerves down. However, when I went back she was there, as usual, and it particularly stank (it was at the end of the week, and she only showers on Saturday).

Also, it was cold outside so I got extremely annoyed having to choose between being warm or not having my nostrils harassed by her smell and open the windows.

I was REALLY edgy that day and spontaneously told her things I never thought I could say.

I basically said that I had been suffering in silence for weeks because of her poor hygiene and that I couldn’t take it anymore.

She was really stunned at first and she then started to cry. She explained she was sorry, that she didn’t know how much it affected me, and that it was because she was depressed and that it was really hard for her to shower.

Still, I was extremely angry and yelled at her that I didn’t care and that it was disrespectful of her as she lived with somebody else in the same small room.

I know I might have been a bit harsh and I do not deny that depression can prevent you from doing basic things like showering, but still, I do think that when it affects other people you don’t even know well you have a part of responsibility… AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“It sounds like this is literally the first she’s heard of this problem. I’d understand if you’d already had this conversation, but you were really just being passive-aggressive and expecting her to pick up on your vague hints. Should she be more aware and considerate?

Absolutely. But YTJ for going nuclear the first time you ever tried to actually talk about the issue.” King_Carmine

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. “Depression can prevent you from doing basic things.” So what’s your excuse for not doing the basic thing of having a conversation with her?

Or like, a text message? Email? Friendly note? She’s probably nose-blind to her own smell and honestly didn’t realize it was that bad. Yes, gross, but that’s how noses work. Unfortunately, poor hygiene doesn’t give you mind-reading powers, so without you saying anything to her, she likely had no idea it was an issue until you blew up on her out of nowhere.

You’re at the age where you’re learning to adult. Let this be a key lesson. Bringing up issues respectfully and constructively is something you struggle with as badly as your roommate does bathing.” Trilobyte141

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. But you slightly more so in this situation.

Your roommate, regardless of the struggle, still is responsible for her share of keeping things hygienic at a minimum. She’s responsible for her actions (or lack of) regardless of her mental state. You, as a roommate, have to understand that you exploded in a highly inappropriate manner.

It is really uncomfortable to talk to people about the issues they’re causing if you know that they’re struggling, but that’s a part of life. Communication is key for a reason – it keeps everyone on the same page and it helps address issues before someone explodes.

You were a jerk and it’s not good of her to drag your shared environment into her depression pit. BUT you were clearly trying to give her some space and grace in the beginning – trying to be understanding. She immediately apologized and expressed remorse when you DID bring it up to her – she wasn’t malicious or ruined the dorm experience for you on purpose.

Neither of you is truly a jerk. This can be solved with some effort and I really do believe this issue doesn’t have to get any bigger.” [deleted]

“I (36m) and my wife (35f) purchased our house 3 years ago.

When we were in the market for houses, my wife stated that she explicitly wanted a pool. I didn’t really care too much for a pool, but we had a flexible budget so I guess why not? I requested though, that if we bought one, she would have to do 80% of the upkeep, if not all of it.

She agreed.

Fast forward to now. I’ve done 90% of the upkeep, and my wife had an excuse every time I asked her to help me clean the pool, or check the alkalinity or pH level of the pool, she was always “too tired” or “she’ll do it later.” I let it happen the first couple of times, but it’s kind of getting frustrating now.

But luckily, I have two employees who are extremely helpful: My son (7M) and my daughter (6F). Very well paid, no complaints so far. Yesterday, my employees were using their time off to go to school, so I got to cleaning. Technically draining, but it took long enough that it was just about done by the time my wife got back home.

By the time we were heading to bed, I asked her if she could clean it on Saturday (or I could help) but she hit me with the “I’m busy.” She doesn’t work on Saturday. I got kind of upset about it and told her that she should be doing 100% of the upkeep anyways and I’m going to stop taking care of the pool from now on.

She just told me to stop bluffing and went to sleep. Fast forward to this morning, and she doesn’t even want to discuss anything pool-related or even anything related with me.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your wife should be helping you. You need to decide if this is a hill to die on, though.

(Like, will this ruin your marriage?) You have a couple of options, I think: Stop maintaining the pool. Just leave it to swamp up. Which will probably annoy both you and your wife and might not be best for the kids. Keep doing what you’re doing, and be annoyed and resentful of your wife.

Get a service to do maintenance. Will cost money, yes, but will also save you time and probably friction with your wife. Tell her you’re hiring someone, and if she doesn’t like it, she can take over the pool. But that those are the two choices: She does it or someone hired does it.” fiftyeightskiddo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. So when we bought our house, my hubby wanted a pool. I knew how much work they were. I didn’t service it at all. Pool was a gorgeous black/green. Finally hubby – who I love dearly but epitomizes weaponized incompetence – asked if we could please pay to have the cleaning/service done.

As he was making enough money for that, we hired someone. Well, he hired someone and pay him. So yes. Put it back on your wife. No need to discuss it. It’s already been discussed. She sees no point to the conversation because YOU ARE ALREADY CLEANING IT.” Crazy_Turnip_8415

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your wife is literally just disrespecting you at this point. Saying that you should stop bluffing and then not speaking to you is childish and petty. Does she help out in other ways? Does she work a physically draining job? Or is it all you doing all/most of the work even though she’s an adult who’s more than capable?

It sounds like there’s an unevenness in your marriage and also a communication issue since she won’t even talk to you about this. I hope you can figure this out now OP because otherwise this behavior will continue and get worse the longer it goes on.” DisneyLover3

“For context, around a year ago, my (17F) family moved house to a pretty small town and now live down the road from a residential home for disabled people.

I want to say before I begin that I’m asking this genuinely because I don’t want to be ableist. I’m autistic myself and would never want to make someone else feel upset or ashamed for something they cannot control.

​It started a few months ago when I was walking to school, this man (let’s call him Mark, not his real name) (I also don’t know how old Mark is) and his caregiver were walking in the opposite direction on the pavement so I moved out of the way for them.

They thanked me and that was that.

​We started to bump into each other more often after that interaction due to us living on the same road and it became a routine for Mark to fist-bump me every time we saw each other and ask me how school was going, how I was, etc. He also actively spoke to my mum (43F) whenever he saw her and would ask about me.

There had only been one time where I felt uncomfortable (and was visibly so) during an interaction because his caregiver made him apologize to me the next time I saw him. As well as another time when I got home shaking and on the verge of tears because he started screaming and yelling at me (quite aggressively) from across the road to get my attention.

Other than those few times, it was pretty consistent small interactions for about 9 months until things started to shift last month.

​A few weeks ago, my mum expressed to me how she felt mildly frustrated with being stopped by Mark to talk about me when she was in a rush to get to work and stuff.

She said this to me as we were leaving the house together (she was going to work, and I was going to the shop to buy snacks). When we were walking down the road, we ran into Mark. My mum tried to make the conversation go as fast as possible and during it, she made a comment about how I was in a very bad mood (I was on my period and grumpy so she wasn’t lying) in hopes that it would result in him leaving me alone for the rest of the day.

​I managed to get away from the conversation and to the shop. However, whilst I was checking out, Mark came in and came up behind me. He proceeded to hug me from behind and said “Don’t be moody. I really really like you, okay?” while I just stood there and froze because I didn’t expect it.

The cashier seemed to notice that I was uncomfortable and she seemed uncomfortable too. I felt really guilty for being uncomfortable because I know he probably didn’t realize it.

​Ever since then, he has started to go in for a hug every time he sees me and keeps touching me more often.

His hands sometimes linger on my lower back (I have problems with people I know touching my lower back due to issues from a past relationship so it feels worse when someone I barely know starts doing it). Yet, I feel like I’m being dramatic and overreacting so I don’t know what to do.

WIBTJ if I told my mum?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Whether he is disabled or not, whether he is aware of what he is doing or not, it doesn’t matter. You have the right to refuse to be touched and you must not let it happen out of charity.

If Mark is not aware of what he is doing and always seems to be accompanied by his caregiver, you talk to her about it. Her job is to explain to him that you don’t touch strangers or she can physically take him by his hand and pull him out of your personal space if he can’t understand because of his disability.

If Mark is alone, move away from him and firmly tell him not to touch you.” Asciutta

Another User Comments:

“Learning disabled people are perfectly capable of understanding “no touching without asking first”: NTJ. Being disabled or mentally ill is NOT a free pass to behave how the person likes: they may find it harder and take longer to learn, but they still should do that to the best of their capacity.

You are being kind in your understanding that Mark doesn’t really understand boundaries – if it hadn’t been someone you knew to have a learning disability you would possibly have called the police, right? My best suggestion is that you ask your mother for support to speak to his caregivers directly about this, as they are best placed to support him to learn appropriate behavior, and also ask them for some strategies to address this if it happens again – a firm but kind “please don’t do that, it makes me uncomfortable” is 100% reasonable.” TeenySod

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I work with people like Mark. Tell your mother and have her speak to his carers. If you are not comfortable then they need to know because disability or not, it’s not ok for him to be making people feel uncomfortable.

It is very important you tell your mum and she addresses this. I want to express to you how important it is that the same rules about strangers touching you, and you telling an adult when you aren’t comfortable apply to Mark, disability or not ok?” MilkyPsycow

“I’m F23 and she is F22. I’m into fitness and health so that is reflected in my diet/lifestyle.

I love working out and mostly eat unprocessed foods and meals that prioritize protein. While I’ll eat them on occasion, I’m just not super interested in typical processed foods, especially processed sugary ones.

I like to work out in the morning so I wake up early for that.

I like routine so on rest days I still get up early just to walk. And I often go on a quick like 20-minute walk after dinner when it’s nice out.

I’ve lived with this roommate for about seven months. Relatively early on she started making occasional comments about my diet and my exercise habits, but they were few and far between so I brushed them off.

Nothing crazy, just things like “you should let yourself sleep in on weekends” and “everyone deserves a cheat meal,” and when I’m coming or going she’d say with an eye roll “let me guess – coming from/going to the gym?”

I checked with her to make sure I wasn’t being loud in the morning and she said that it’s not an issue.

I asked our third roommate who assured me I was not a disturbance in the morning.

The frequency & intensity picked up over the months, saying things like I’m “torturing” myself at the gym, calling me obsessed with fitness, saying that I have no balance in my life, etc, while also starting to offer me her own foods and drinks that just don’t really appeal to me.

Examples:

• put a can of Dr. Pepper on my nightstand one night and kept checking in to see if I drank it while I was reading before bed.
• started calling when she was at McDonald’s or similar fast-food places to ask (in a very pushy way) if I wanted her to pick something up for me.

Not that it’s my business but this roommate doesn’t eat healthy or exercise. She drinks many cans of soda daily and more often than not eats heavily processed food and fast food and I don’t think I’ve seen her eat a vegetable.

The past week she started sending me TikToks and articles about orthorexia.

I read the first article she sent me that had a list of symptoms and none of it resonated. I’m also not close with this roommate – she doesn’t see what workouts I do, doesn’t see what I get when I’m out at dinner with friends, or what I eat when I’m on vacation or visiting home.

I ignored these messages.

She confronted me in the kitchen while I was cooking my dinner and asked if I saw the TikToks/articles she sent. I told her I saw them but she doesn’t have to worry about me, I don’t have an ED. She told me because we live together my “disorder” impacts her and when I asked her how it impacts her had no specific answer, but kept insisting and telling me she knows I can overcome it.

I eventually snapped that if one of us has an unhealthy diet/lifestyle it’s definitely her and told her to worry about herself and not me. She got extremely mad and stormed off. Texted me a big rant about how I “projected” and how now she feels like I’ve been secretly judging her diet.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dedication to fitness obviously makes her feel guilty about her own lifestyle which she knows is not ideal. Unfortunately, this is likely only to get worse as time goes on. Probably need to very clearly let her know that her health advice is not wanted and not welcome.

Barring a changer there, expect the situation to escalate. And just in case, maybe another round of quick reflection on whether your fitness habits are within healthy bounds. A quick bit of introspection never hurts.” dta_phx

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m also really into fitness and have a similar diet and lifestyle as you and have gotten comments similar to some of those.

I think most people genuinely do not understand what orthorexia is/looks like, so those who aren’t used to fitness as a hobby and/or lifestyle can’t always understand it and view it as extreme. Also even if you did have orthorexia symptoms (nothing you wrote here is indicative of them) it still would be rude and inappropriate for your roommate to have been making comments and acting the way she has.

I probably would’ve snapped at her too.” itwasmarooon

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’d thank her (just once) for trying to look out for you (just in case she does truly believe you have an eating disorder, and that she’s the only person in this whole wide world who noticed and can save you)… And then resort to winging various fruits and vegetables at her if she persists.

Baby carrots. Asparagus. Frozen blueberries. Whole watermelon. Maybe she’ll take the super subtle hint and mind her own business; maybe she’ll call the cops. If it’s the latter, at least you can eat the evidence before they get there.” TooTiredForThisThnx

“My sister (19F) and her partner (20F) have been in a relationship for a few months and the idea of her partner moving in came up a couple of weeks ago.

I enjoy her company, we get along very well and became quite close, I told them I had no problem with her moving in and I was really happy for them.

Everything changed when the 3 of us went to visit some of my family who lives a couple of hours away.

On the last day, we all decided to go shopping at the mall. I being the younger sister (18) asked my sister if she could pay for my Starbucks, we would often bring each other Starbucks because we worked in the same mall before

(I had lost my job 2 weeks before this and was actively looking for a new one).

My sister said that she couldn’t since she didn’t have much money right now. I said that it was okay and that I understood. Her partner then imposed herself into the conversation saying that my sister had paid for the gas to come visit the family and that I hadn’t contributed anything to the trip, I was confused since there wasn’t any problem, my sister and I were having a calm conversation.

I looked at her and told her that I am talking to my sister (a way of saying mind your own business), she got dramatically offended and walked off in anger, my sister also got mad at me and proceeded to run after her partner.

Both of my aunts were there and told me I had done nothing wrong and that she had no business imposing herself and trying to make me feel bad for not having money (I always contribute when I have the money to do so, but I told them before we came that I couldn’t contribute to gas since I wasn’t working and literally had no money).

Her partner ignored me for the rest of the day and all of the next week, she has now moved in and approached me to talk about it and she apologized for her behavior and said that she wouldn’t act like that anymore.

That did not last long and in the past week she has done similar things like today she yelled at me for accidentally hitting the headrest of the car seat she was sitting in (while I was laughing with my sister) because she had a headache.

All I want is for my sister to be happy but am I the jerk for telling my mom that I don’t want her living here anymore since she doesn’t seem to respect boundaries and is disrupting my peace? Our home has always been peaceful and since she moved in that is no longer the case.

I don’t think I should choose my sister’s relationship over my peace and comfort in my own house.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Time for her to go. If she doesn’t want to, your mother needs to make her. Or you could just make this person feel very unwelcome and uncomfortable in your home until she makes the choice herself.

But you shouldn’t have to do that, it’s time for your mother to put on her big girl knickers and kick this person out.” FloatingPencil

Another User Comments:

“So, mom is choosing your sister’s happiness over everyone else’s. How is that fair? Is your mom afraid to say something?

This is your home & she is a guest. She has no business treating you all this way. Your mom needs to stand up to her & your sister & put the partner in her place. She needs to be given a warning. If she doesn’t cut the nonsense, she’s out.

PERIOD!” NOTTHATKAREN1

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. You are describing to me normal frictions of people living together and the friction that occurs when a new person is added to an existing dynamic. As far as not wanting to live with her … I would tell you you’re going about it wrong.

You are 18. Instead of complaining to your mother (a child’s solution), you can either a) suck it up and learn to get along or b) find your own living arrangement.” EnderBurger

“My sister Robin got divorced from her ex-husband David about two years ago. Their son, Zak, splits his time 50/50 between them, but the changeover day is Thursday.

Recently, David moved quite close to where I live. David works very hard as his company just opened, and when I saw him a few weeks ago, he mentioned this to me. I offered to do Zak’s pick-up and drop-off from school when he’s with David since our kids go to the same school.

That way David can stay at the office uninterrupted and Zak is with family in case David has to stay late.

This has been irking Robin. She didn’t say anything about it but I’ve received several passive-aggressive texts from her since I started picking Zak up.

Over the weekend, we were at our family home and she took me aside to say that I shouldn’t be helping David skip out on his parenting time. I said that’s not what I’ve been doing. David is a good dad to Zak and he’s doing his best, he just can’t afford to hire help right now.

She said I was betraying her by helping him when I never offer to help her with childcare (this is true, but she lives an hour away from me, and her other son, Dylan is a toddler with complex additional needs and I’m not equipped to be looking after him alone).

She accused me of punishing her for her divorce (not remotely true), and helping David be an absent parent. I called her an idiot and ended the conversation.

My dad is on my side but my mum says it’s understandable that Robin is hurt.

I was telling a friend about it and she said if I were her sister she’d feel like I was taking David’s side. I was just fundamentally trying to help Zak so that he wasn’t spending his time at David’s office or at after-school activities all the time.

Does that make me a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Oh, the horror! You pick up your nephew along with your own kids, and nephew gets to stay with family until his dad can pick him up. Ya know what? Your sister can go pound sand.

Her ex has arranged competent transport for his kid, it’s not any trouble for you to do it, and everybody is happy about it except her. It’s a mystery why she ever got divorced, I’m sure. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – so she’d rather her son be left at school when his dad can’t pick him up because he is working to build a better life for her son?

She shouldn’t want David to fail just because they are broken up, she should want what’s best for her son which is for both parents to succeed and be able to give her son a good life. You are doing a good thing to help your family.

It’s not like you are taking care of her son full time when he is at his dad’s, you are just picking him up from school. She is being incredibly immature. Your sister needs therapy.” buttpickles99

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If she thinks David shouldn’t need any help during his parenting time because he should be spending all of it with his child, then she doesn’t need your help because SHE is of course always spending all her time with her children, right?

Also, if the kid goes to a school close to you, why does your sister live an hour away? How is she managing pick-up? And she certainly could have asked you at any time to help if she was having a hard time. She should also be happy to know that she has a trusted family member close to her child and helping out when your kid isn’t with her.

And the only side you are taking here is the child’s side. You want to be helpful in general, this is a way you can help, and so you are. The fact that your sister sees you doing childcare as “taking a side” is ridiculous.

It’s a divorce, every interaction doesn’t have to be about who was right/wrong in the divorce.” mfruitfly

“I have a friend I have known for about 5 years now, let’s call her Bethany. She has been with her partner Sarah since around 2017, and even though she has been present since my friendship with Bethany, we are not super close.

Recently, they announced their engagement and of course I couldn’t be more over the moon! A little bit before my last visit to theirs, I decided I would get them a card and a few gifts to say congratulations.

Bethany and I have a lame sense of humor, which includes buying inappropriate cards and writing over them crudely in Sharpie to make them fit the theme.

For example, on my 24th birthday, I was given a Winnie The Pooh 4th birthday card, and Bethany had drawn a tiny “2” to make it say 24.

Whilst looking at the engagement cards, I could barely find any that fit same-sex couples. Then, remembering our in-joke, I decided to get one that said “future Mr and Mrs”, and that I would write an extra S to make it fit.

I didn’t think much of it until the day, and unfortunately, it did not go well. Bethany laughed a little until she saw that Sarah seemed a bit upset. Sarah said she did not appreciate my card being directed at opposite-sex couples, and that it was clear I just didn’t want to make the effort.

She said I did not respect their relationship and even went as far as to say it was mildly homophobic.

I feel really awful as this was not my intention! I tried to explain as much but I was told to just drop it. I think we are good now but I’m not sure what to do moving forward.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here because of the reason you did it. I also have gay friends who would find this hilarious, although I might have messed around with the images too, to make it clear that this was a lesbian couple. Sarah’s entitled to her feelings, and it’s up to Bethany to bridge the gap between your humor as friends and her fiancee’s humor.

If you think all is good now, just drop it and remember that Sarah is a bit more sensitive than Bethany. Get a bespoke card for their wedding on an app. It’s not too hard these days.” Squiggles567

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, Sarah is the jerk for assuming your intentions/character and then continuing to be upset and not seeming to accept your explanation.

It would be one thing if she was upset, and then you explained to her, and she said I understand, I apologize I just get defensive because I’ve faced a lot of judgment and am used to these kinds of jokes being made with malintent.

But it seems she chose to continue to be upset and to decide that despite your intentions being innocent, the fact that you offended her makes you innately inconsiderate. Some people will try to justify their response that is caused by negative assumptions due to bad past experiences and the associations they make with those kinds of jokes, and pretend the joke is innately unethical to save face, rather than admitting they took it the wrong way.

The mature thing to do would be to take accountability, and if you don’t find those types of jokes funny then say so, but don’t guilt trip someone for making an innocent joke that you interpreted as offensive. At least Bethany didn’t slap you on stage.” PastramiHole

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As a queer person, if someone got a card like this for me and my partner, I’d find it funny. Sarah needs to lighten up, it was clearly meant to be a joke. There are few things I hate more than people in the queer community who grasp at straws to get offended over something.

Makes us all look bad and gives bigots fuel to add to their “you’re all snowflakes!” fire.” phenibutisgay

“My husband and I have 3 daughters – 24F (Jess), 19F and 4F (Mara). Jess still lives with us because rent is costly and she wants to save up. We have no issues with this, we charge her a small amount of rent and she keeps the house clean.

She’s very good with cleaning the kitchen and living room whenever there is a mess but her own room is another matter.

Granted it’s a small room so it clutters up quicker, I just think it’s ridiculous and easy to keep clean given the size.

There are always things on her dresser and left out and she keeps her clothes on her chair instead of in the closet or laundry basket. I used to ask her to tidy up but she would always say it is tidy so I tidy it myself now.

It‘s become a running joke in the house that she is messy and it seems to have caught on with Mara too.

Whenever Mara is tired or fussy or she thinks Jess is boring her, she will call her messy. I never used to think it bothered Jess until today since she has never said so.

Mara was acting out due to a bad sleep last night and told Jess to go away because she is messy and Jess flipped out at me. She is apparently tired of it being a running joke because she deems herself not messy. However, I see the state of her room compared to the rest of the house and she is messy by definition.

Mara would not apologize and Jess refuses to be around Mara until I make this stop. She says it’s annoying to be constantly called something she is not.

My husband is on Jess’s side (he is also more laidback cleaning-wise) and thinks that we should stop so Mara does not copy what she hears but I think Jess is being ridiculous and being messy is not an unfair comment.

Her room is not tidy hence it is messy. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Some things don’t add up: How often does Jess clean the living room and kitchen? Does your other kid 19F (who you don’t name) also take part in cleaning these spaces up or is there any appreciation given for the effort put into cleaning these areas up?

The way you describe Jess’s room is “things on the dresser and left out and keeps her clothes on her chair instead of the closet”, but you said yourself it’s a smaller space so not much area to put things. I’m confused as to how these two points add up to being “cluttered and messy” to the point that she needs to be harassed and bullied for it.

The fact that your 4-year-old is mirroring your behavior to the point of using it when she is angry means that this “joke” is causing actual damage to the relationships of your daughters as well as between Jess and the family.

The fact that you dismiss your husband being on Jess’s side as “he is also more laidback cleaning-wise” does not excuse that he is on her side because of the bullying!

Unless more info is given, nothing here seems to make sense for Jess getting bullied in her own home. I also still don’t understand why you would make jokes about her being messy when she helps clean the communal areas of the house per your own words.

I think if you have a problem with how she keeps her room you need to talk to her as to why the room is untidy in your eyes and communicate your feelings on that. You also need to share as to why you think it is disrespectful to the household or why you feel her room being untidy to your standards does not work for you.

I think you need to also stop making snide passive-aggressive jokes that your 4-year-old picks up on.” Puzzleheaded_Team846

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – You are being derogatory towards your oldest daughter because her room doesn’t meet your standards. I would love for her to have the chance to decide on a name for you based on her standards.

Maybe “Wicky” because you’re wicked? And teaching your youngest that it’s okay to be rude to people, especially people in the family because you deem it to be “true” is setting her up for some serious therapy later in life. Or just being miserable in general when her kids stop talking to her.

Just like Jess is going to stop talking to you.” Possible-Plane-756

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Stay out of her room. One of my most treasured memories of my mom – gone almost forty years – I was home from college and I didn’t unpack my suitcase just pulled clothes out of it.

My father came in and reamed me out saying if I couldn’t be tidy, maybe he wouldn’t let me come home anymore. (I was seventeen). My mom came in and calmly quietly tore him a new one, and said maybe you should ask me before you make me lose ANOTHER of my children.

You said she’s tidy in shared spaces. STAY OUT OF HER ROOM!!!! STOP MAKING FUN OF HER. You deserve to lose her. And you will.” Amazing-Wave4704

“My (27f) wedding to my fiancee (28m) is in 6 months. We’re having a medium-small wedding in my hometown (80 people) and I couldn’t be more excited to be marrying the love of my life with all of my family and friends with us. We aren’t doing anything crazy at the wedding, it’s going to be an outdoor venue with buffet-style food and an open bar, like a lot of weddings have.

One of my friends has raised a problem with the open bar though. She (we’ll call her C) is 6 months sober from drinking. She isn’t by any means my closest friend and isn’t in the bridal party, but I care about her and have been there for her through her recovery.

She’s an old friend from college who lives about 2 hours away from my hometown. I don’t know everything about her recovery journey, but I know she lived in a sober living facility for around 2 months after she lost her job due to drinking on the job.

She’s doing really well from what I know, no relapses, goes to AA, and has found a new job. I invited C to my wedding 2 months ago and she was so excited to come and celebrate with me and my college friend group.

I didn’t really think about the open bar when I invited her.

For the wedding planning, I was mainly focused on the big picture, not individual concerns aside from allergies and things along those lines. I guess someone raised an issue with C coming to the wedding with my open bar because she called me last week and asked me if it was true that there would be an open bar.

I said yes, and she blew up. It almost sounded like she was accusing me of trying to make her relapse, and I had no idea how to respond. I told her that I just didn’t think about it in reference to her recovery.

I told her that I love her and respect her recovery and that I wouldn’t be offended if she chose not to come to avoid being around people drinking. That wasn’t a good enough solution for her. She said something along the lines of “well can you get your deposit back?”

This caught me off guard and I told her that I didn’t think so. I said that I wouldn’t be canceling the open bar at my wedding just so she could attend. I tried to give her other options, like only staying for the ceremony or even bringing her sponsor as a plus one, but none of my options were adequate for her.

Some of my friends are calling me a jerk and some of them agree with me. My wedding is supposed to be about me and my fiance and I hate feeling like a jerk for having the wedding that we want. So WIBTJ for not canceling the open bar at my wedding so she can attend?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sober. I hate drinking and hate open bars. But, for better or worse, we live in a society where drinking is normal. And, most people have a pretty normal relationship with drinking, and it’s normal to drink at weddings.

It’s understandable your friend would have strong emotions about this. It sounds like her addiction was severe. But, this is going to have to be one of those hard learning edges for her, unfortunately, since we live in a culture where drinking is omnipresent.

I think your ideas of bringing a sponsor or just going to the ceremony are to be commended. I hope you can somehow work with her on this, even though she’s not a close friend. Yes, she’s being ridiculous. But, sometimes that’s how it is when you quit drinking.

I hope you can figure out a way to include her or let her know it’s ok to put her recovery first and sit the wedding out.” iamokokokokokokok

Another User Comments:

“As a recovering person myself, I can tell you that the program (AA) would never advise changing your plans for her or buying into her demands, she is the one with the problem and it’s fully up to her to manage that.

Allowing her a +1 sober buddy is a great option but ultimately she is responsible for her choices and if she doesn’t feel she can resist the urge or be around an open bar she should pass on the event. You should not change plans for her.

She must deal with life on life’s terms and this is part of the deal. She will have a full year sober by the time of the wedding (if she stays the course). Tell her she has 3 options, attend, don’t attend, or attend with a sober buddy but that no other changes or accommodations will be made.

If she told her sponsor she was demanding the wedding cancel an open bar she would be told to get a grip. I know I’d laugh at a sponsee who told me that, and then set them straight.” mortgage_gurl

Another User Comments:

“You are NTJ.

Her sobriety is her responsibility. Does she also avoid restaurants that serve booze? If she thinks she can’t make it through the evening without a drink, then she shouldn’t attend. If the temptation is too much for her, she shouldn’t attend. You offered to let her bring her sponsor, which is a great compromise.

I assume you’ll have non-booze options available to drink as well.” Lindseyh911

“My dad got married 4 years ago.

Before that, it was just him, my sister Delaney (17f) and me (15f). Our mom died when I was 3 weeks old and Delaney was only 2 so we don’t remember her and dad was single for a long time. 6 years ago he met Jess and they eventually got married and Jess and her two kids Bella (16f) and Robbie (11m) moved in with us.

It was difficult. We hadn’t lived together long when we were all up in each other’s business. It was tense. It was awkward. I spent a lot of time with Delaney and we’d play video games and stuff to pass the time. My dad and Delaney fought a bit because he wanted to know why Bella and Robbie weren’t joining us and Delaney would tell him we always had time together as sisters and that wasn’t changing because he got married. Bella wanted to be included but she mostly wanted to be included with Delaney.

She didn’t really want me to hang out with her. She thought I should hang out with Robbie so she could get time with Delaney. Delaney didn’t want that and the two of them started fighting a lot. Ever since then, and this was like May 2020 when the fighting between them started, the two of them have grown to hate each other.

It got really bad last year. My dad and Jess tried therapy to resolve things and Dad took my sister aside a few times and told her she needed to try harder. But she told him she didn’t want to try and she didn’t want to make a family work with Jess, Bella, and Robbie.

My dad didn’t really believe her at first. But the fighting got worse and then a few days ago Bella said she was tired of us all living together because she thought she was getting a family and instead Delaney refuses to let her be her sister.

My dad asked Delaney how she felt and whether she liked them enough, even if she just thought they were okay outside of her and Bella’s fighting, to make it work. She said no. She said tolerating it would always be the best she could do.

After some more talking it was decided maybe Delaney should go live with our grandparents.

I got mentioned at some point and so Dad and Jess decided I should be asked if I’d rather go with Delaney or stay with the family. The truth is I would rather go with Delaney and I said that.

I told Dad I love him and I didn’t want to leave him but I didn’t want to be apart from Delaney either. Dad wasn’t too surprised. Jess was upset because Delaney and I had fought a little before that as well so she thought I would pick them.

I told Dad I wouldn’t fight him over it but if he wanted the truth that was it. Jess told me afterward I should have lied for their sake.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ. You simply said what you wanted to, and you don’t owe your father and Jess to stay with them.

If you want to stay with your sister, you do, and it was in the spur of the moment too, and you didn’t have time to process anything either, and you said what you meant. So, NTJ.” some_sad_ace

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You were asked what you wanted and answered honestly.

If they didn’t want to take the chance of you moving out, they shouldn’t have offered you the option. I hope this actually helps the situation and things calm down. I feel bad for the younger kids and for your father and hope you’ll continue to have a good relationship with him.” NGDGUnpunished

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – 99% of problems I see between blended families are when relationships are forced. No one can force you or your sister to feel a certain way about Jess and her kids. It’s a shame that your dad would rather send you and your sister away, than tell Jess and her kids to leave you guys alone.” Visual-Lobster6625

“My aunt passed away 2 weeks before I became pregnant. When I announced, the expectations were on me to name my daughter Elizabeth, after my aunt, if she were a girl.

My aunt had Down syndrome and was so beloved and special to our family. I adored her too. But I never wanted to name my daughter Elizabeth. I had my own reasons from not liking the name Elizabeth (and my husband feels the same) to us wanting to give our child their own name that is not a family name.

I told my family during my pregnancy that if my baby was a girl, she would not be named Elizabeth and I refused to communicate about it afterward.

My daughter was born 3 weeks ago and my family was furious when we announced her name and it wasn’t Elizabeth.

They believed I would change my mind between when I told them and the birth. Mostly due to the fact I was aware they didn’t approve.

They came over on Saturday and told me I was wrong and asked how Elizabeth would feel if she knew I hadn’t wanted to name my daughter after her.

They told me it was an unkind thing to do and that my daughter would have been blessed to be named after her special great-aunt. I told them talking like that is one of the reasons I wouldn’t want that. I said my daughter deserves her own name and not one where she will always be told she should feel blessed or grateful to be named after my aunt.

They told me I was being ridiculous and I was making excuses. I told them they were right and I didn’t need to make any to them because it was none of their business. They wouldn’t let up so I told them to go and not to reach out unless they can accept my daughter is not Elizabeth.

My family told me arguing with them was not the way to conduct myself. They argued first but I mean, I did argue back so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are laying down the law. Your daughter has a name, they know the name, they call her that name.

How would someone feel if they were seeing a guy, met his parents, and kept calling her Jessica because they always thought their son would be with a Jessica? How would your aunt feel if she knew her memory was being used as something to drive a wedge in the family during what should be a celebration of new life and love and family?

I really hope they don’t hold onto this because it would be awful for you to tell stories of your great aunt only for your family to keep bringing up that “You were almost named after her, but your mum didn’t want to.” She’s your baby.

Stand your ground, or they’ll keep disrespecting your decisions.” JaxValentine91

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. These things always befuddle me. You don’t owe them excuses and your reasoning is perfectly valid. This is your daughter, let her grow up without the shadow of Elizabeth looming on her.

If they don’t reach out, tell them it’s on them. They are choosing to cut you out, not vice versa. Stand your ground, OP.” Daikey

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…and holy CRAP is your family ever controlling. I don’t know them, of course, but this doesn’t seem to be about a name or a special aunt.

This seems to be them acting out at not getting their way and not being able to control something. Have they been like that before? I would be very surprised if this were the first time they tried to control you.” canvasshoes2

“So for context, my wife (34F) and I (36F) are currently doing reciprocal IVF which is the IVF treatment where you retrieve the egg from one partner and it’s implanted in the other. We did it with our son three years ago so I was pregnant with my wife’s biological child, but I was the birth mother.

My wife is currently 7 nearly 8 months pregnant with our daughter who is my biological child.

Anyway, we have had a name picked out for our daughter and have been referring to her by this name for months. It was a mutual decision and we both fell in love with this name.

However, my wife’s 93-year-old grandmother recently fell ill and it has been very difficult for my wife and recently she told me she’d like to name our daughter after her grandmother (first and middle name). I feel like such a jerk for being against it, but I think it’s an awful idea for many reasons.

My first issue is that we’ve had a name decided for months and we’ve been referring to her by this name from the beginning. I’m very attached to the name and I really don’t want to change it. We’ve also purchased several personalized items with the name and my mother has made a few homemade gifts with the name stitched on.

Another issue I have is that I just do not like the name and I don’t feel like it flows with our last name.

The biggest issue though that I’m hesitant to bring up, but I think it’s pretty important is that this name is a traditional Indigenous name in the country my grandmother-in-law is from.

I’m an extremely pasty woman with blonde hair it’s extremely clear when looking at me that I’m of European origin. Also, our donor is white as well. So our daughter who is biologically mine will also be white. This name is a very traditional name from this country and it’s a name that if anyone heard they’d definitely expect a person of color from that culture to have it and not a white girl.

I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for our child to have this name she’s not technically from this culture and I worry that people would criticize her in the future of cultural appropriation.

We do intend to raise our children with certain traditions from my wife’s culture and educate them on it (we do with our son now) and our daughter will obviously be a part of this and grow up with the practices.

So maybe it’s not inappropriate for her to be named an Indigenous name when she’s not Indigenous?? Idk honestly I’m not sure what’s the right answer here and I feel like a monster for not wanting this.”

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

She’s acting on her saddened emotions right now, which is understandable and she wants to honor her grandmother while she’s still alive. You are understandably upset that she wants to change the name you both originally decided on. This should be a joint decision made during a calm discussion and not because of a sudden emotional one.

Drop the subject and let your minds cool off for a week then try to talk about it rationally. Maybe have someone come in and act as a mediator who’s not involved in any way. Good luck and congratulations on expanding your family!” LoveBeach8

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is an emotional thing for your wife, but the two of you had agreed on a name and it’s not fair to insist on changing it to a name that reflects only one of you. And the culture thing, while maybe not really being appropriation since it’s a heritage thing, is quite likely to cause questions every time she meets someone and cause people to wonder if it’s appropriation.

Hopefully, as the emotions settle the two of you can talk it through.” anonymom135

Another User Comments:

“Neutral. I get both sides. The name is only set in stone once it’s on the birth certificate. People change their minds about baby names all the time, often at the last minute when they’re holding the baby in their arms for the first time.

You both should have a chat, maybe compromise, and let her choose the middle name so she can still honor her grandmother. Hope it works out, and congrats in advance.” Fourletterflower

“My husband (20M) and I (21F) have been living with my grandparents for about 4 months now, just until we could get back on our feet after having lost our main source of income. We quickly both got new jobs, and they are both fantastic. Up until this point, my grandparents and I have always had a great relationship.

It’s probably the best one out of the family. They helped me through a lot. If someone had told me it would be what it is now, I wouldn’t have believed them and would have laughed at them.

For the past 2 months, things haven’t been great between the 4 of us, though.

Obviously, we knew living together would be difficult, but we didn’t think it would be this bad. Every one of my uncles and their respective families and my own parents, my siblings, and I have moved back in with them at one point or another, and for the most part they have alright relationships aside from my own parents along with one of my uncles who both had falling outs with them.

Due to them believing that my husband, who has been diagnosed with ADHD, is lazy and a liar, things haven’t been great. We have 3 weeks until we can finally get into our new apartment that’s been undergoing renovations. Also, we have a debt we owe them, and they refuse to let us leave until we pay them back.

I have tried paying them as much as possible weekly, but half the time, they will only take a specific amount, and it’s less than what I can pay them. I’m trying to pay them back ASAP, but they are making that difficult.

I’m the oldest granddaughter and have always been the “perfect little princess who can do no wrong” in their eyes, a title that I do not necessarily love.

Due to this unfortunate view of me, they have pinned all of our financial problems on my husband, along with other issues such as our political views, etc. Anything that doesn’t line up with what they believe is just my husband’s fault in their eyes.

My husband has past childhood trauma dealing with severe abuse in all forms. This is a topic that my grandparents seem to love, throwing into his face. Basically, they said “it’s not that bad. Suck it up. You’re the man of the house.” However, when my own trauma is ever brought up, my mother passed when I was 9, it’s “well you were a kid.

You experienced something no kid should ever go through.”

They and my husband recently got into a couple of arguments while I was at work, and they really upset my husband because they told him that we won’t last 10 years married. That he’s a failure.

That we made a mistake getting married. Etc. I had not, up to that point, ever seen my husband that upset about anything, and we’ve had a lot of trauma the past year. So obviously something was said to make him that upset and those sound like things they would say.

My husband has made it very clear that he doesn’t want me involved in the arguments due to being worried that my grandparents would possibly go after me, and then we would have other issues.

Well, now my grandparents are upset that I believe my husband over them.

Claiming that he lied about everything and that he’s just trying to get attention and playing the victim. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Do you think there’s any coincidence that they chose to upset your husband while you were out of their house? No, me neither.

Have your husband secretly record all their interactions on his phone or some other hidden device. Once you’re out of their house, cut contact with them. What they said to him is beyond horrible. They’re the jerks.

And it’s true. They legally cannot hold you hostage until you repay them a debt.

Record their refusals to accept a lesser debt amount for proof, should they try to take you to Small Claims Court or the equivalent where you live. You can then prove that you made a good-faith attempt to pay. Document the dates so far that they refused your money.” LoveBeach8

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Get out of there as fast as possible if you value your marriage. I don’t understand what you mean about them not letting you leave until you pay them back. If they won’t take your money, spend it on a hotel for the next 3 weeks until your place is ready.

They sound cruel and manipulative to your husband. He shouldn’t have to deal with that for days, never mind weeks.” NGDGUnpunished

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m not sure how they “refuse to leave until you’ve paid them back” and then they only take small increments of the money you owe them.

This is manipulative. Leave anyway but yes, pay them back. Put the extra money they don’t take into savings so you have it when they demand you to cough it up. Your grandparents sound.. difficult, to say the least. Can you move out before the 3 weeks is up?

Rent a hotel room? Slowly start removing all your stuff from their home? Start that move now. I don’t know how vindictive they will be but your situation doesn’t sound positive. I’m sorry your husband is getting so much crap from them. This too will pass but it sucks to be in the middle of it.

Good luck OP.” goldenfingernails

“So for a little background information, I am a single mom of two kids, 6-year-old Mia & 4-year-old Isaac. Last year, Isaac was diagnosed with Autism, and my daughter Mia has type 1 diabetes.

It has been very hard in the past to take care of two children with disabilities while also working long hours. Still, I would do anything for my babies and I have just been trying to figure out our future.

This year, Mia started first grade.

She has a good group of friends, who we will call Emma, Anna, & Kelsey. I really like Kelsey and Emma’s parents. They are kind and always offer help if I need someone to watch the kids or something.

But Anna’s parents are absolutely insufferable.

They are wealthy, and when they found out that we live in an apartment…they weren’t exactly happy about it. They have also made insensitive comments about their dad leaving. But Mia likes Anna and if the two of them want to play, that’s awesome.

But I try to steer clear of her parents.

A few weeks ago, I got a call from my dad. My mom had a heart attack and I needed to get there as soon as possible. My parents live about an hour away, so I told them that as soon as I had a place for the kids to stay, I would be there.

I didn’t want to overwhelm my kids or anyone else involved, so I called up some of my friends and multiple babysitters.

No one could help. It was a Friday before a long weekend, and people were out of town. I was desperate and finally called Anna’s family.

They were happy to take care of the kids. The girls were super excited, and it turns out Anna’s brother is Isaac’s age. I thanked them a million times over and reminded them of my children’s needs because I don’t want to put any pressure on anyone to take care of two disabled children; no matter their abilities.

I told my kids and prepared them. Isaac has trouble with new people, but I was not in the right mindset and I knew he’d be okay if he was with his sister. I was panicking and I really wanted to get to my mom, so I got the kids to Anna’s house as soon as possible.

When we got there, I brought the kids’ bags up and I brought a whole list of things that Mia might need and how to take care of her as well as a letter about how thankful I was and some extra things that might help them with Isaac.

But when Anna’s parents opened the door, they played dumb and told me that they weren’t able to care for kids with disabilities. I was very angry. I reminded them of the whole phone call we’d had no more than three hours ago. They basically slammed the door in my face.

I ended up having to take them to the hospital with me and barely got to see my mom because Isaac was overstimulated and only wanted me.

Since then, I haven’t talked to Anna’s parents and I have talked to Mia about this and she doesn’t exactly like hanging out with Anna anymore.

But now I’m being accused of “turning the girls on Anna”. I never meant to do that, but I also can’t help but not want my kid around that toxic family. So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, they are too for obvious reasons. But you more so.

Isolating a 6-year-old because of her parents is just cruel. You are also for attempting to leave your disabled children with strangers you haven’t spent any time with and they haven’t had any training. Particularly for your son, he couldn’t handle the hospital with you and sister.

He was not going to handle their home without you. But also your daughter, diabetes needs more than a note and a phone call. You need to be making sure they know how to give medications and when/why. Does it suck you have all this added responsibility?

It does but you can’t just hand your kids off like this.” MarionBerryBelly

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I don’t really see how you would be. If they didn’t want to help, that’s fine and dandy, whatever floats their boat, they could have just said NO. What made them jerks was agreeing, and then saying no when they found out your daughter was diabetic, and your son was autistic.

It doesn’t matter whether you tried to frame it to your daughter in a “kid-friendly” way or not. She would have seen that she was all set to spend time with her good friend, you hand her friend’s parents her medication, and everything changed. No explanation by you needed. 6yos are smart, she probably figured it out herself tbh.

And the fact that Anna’s parents “weren’t pleased” when they found out you lived in an apartment? No. Absolutely not. They are ableist, classist jerks. Period.” zeeelfprince

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I don’t blame you for being angry and frustrated or for disliking these people, but your revenge plan hurts absolutely no one but your daughter–and that’s true even if she doesn’t love Anna, because your daughter is the one who will be squeezed out of the friend group if you create limits to punish the child for her parents’ actions.

Don’t let your kid go to her house, for sure. But your plan is untenable unless you want your kid to be the one ostracized. And talking to your 6-year-old about an adult conflict in a way that makes her not want to play with her friend anymore is selfish and bad.” GigMistress

“I was on the bus one day with all my friends, and I don’t know how it started, but we were talking about what religion we were. Everyone said they were Christian, and when it got to me, I said I was an atheist. I’ve never been super open about my atheism, because my whole family is very religious, especially my brother.

One of my friends behind me, who we’ll call G, didn’t know I was an atheist, and said “You don’t believe in God!” He then said that we couldn’t be friends anymore. Luckily, one of my other friends backed me up and said that she didn’t care what I believed in and that you shouldn’t not be friends with someone because of what they believe in.

When my other friend got off the bus, G sat next to me without my permission. I should’ve told him to move, but I didn’t. He then started asking questions like would you if the world ended, wouldn’t you rather go to heaven, and all that stuff.

He then told me to pray and read verses when I got home, which I never did. I told him that he’s a jerk and that if he thought that we shouldn’t be friends for what I believe in, then we should’ve never been friends at all.

I haven’t talked to him since then, and neither have my friends. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Welcome to the dark side, friend. We have cookies. You’re in a hard spot now. I imagine you’re probably going to face some backlash, particularly if people start talking.

There’s nothing wrong with an absence of belief. There is nothing wrong with not talking to people who say mean things to you. However, you’re likely in for rough waves.” nikkesen

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Why would you force someone to believe? What’s his problem with you for being an atheist?

I really don’t get why so many people care about people’s beliefs, it’s just a religion. (I know religion is important for some people, but I hope it’s clear what I meant.)” MikyMaia

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I had been in hospital for over 17 hours at this point, so I wasn’t in the best humor as it was.

An older guy comes in with his adult daughter, now there are a lot of people and very obvious people of very different faiths or whatever, but this guy starts going around asking everyone.. are you going to heaven or heck… now I suspect that people just to appease him and keep the peace kept saying heaven..

then he’d move on.. now everyone is going through their own ailments, waiting on nurses or Dr’s etc. finally this guy gets to me and asks me.. heaven or stay in a dark void. I said of course stay in a dark void.. stay in a dark void is where the party is at.

The guy looked like he’d sucked on a lemon.. his own daughter fist-pumped me as I left.” Yama858077

“I (m42) have a daughter (16) “Jo”. Jo is one of my kids with my ex-wife, my ex has a job that has her traveling a lot so Jo stays with me the majority of the time. Within the last year maybe year 1/2 Jo has gotten bad acne.

I have gotten her multiple types of face wash and moisturizer. But her acne hasn’t cleared up so I figured it was just part of her being a teenager. And maybe that she wasn’t always washing her face and that’s why it hasn’t cleared up.

Well, recently Jo has been asking to go to a dermatologist because normal face wash and moisturizer don’t work for her. I told her acne isn’t that bad and she probably just needs to wash her face more often. Jo then told me she’s self-conscious about her acne and that she would appreciate going to the dermatologist and just seeing if they could do something for her.

So I asked her if she actually washes her face every day twice a day or if she only does it when she feels like it. She started crying and ran up to her room. Less than an hour later I got a call from my ex-wife calling me a huge jerk for accusing Jo of not washing her face and that’s why she has acne and that it could be hormones keeping her skin from getting clear.

And she said she’ll make sure Jo gets to the dermatologist when she’s back in town.

I didn’t think I was the jerk but my ex-wife is pretty upset and called me a jerk multiple times so am I?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Acne isn’t caused by a lack of face washing. There’s this really cool website you can use for looking up basic information. You should check it out. You can just type in your question and get an answer. And it’s totally free!

In addition to medical information, it can also provide you with helpful basic parenting advice. Check it out! Google.” jopa1967

Another User Comments:

“YTJ I thought the whole “acne is caused by lack of face washing” thing DIED back in the early 2000s. Washing too much can actually dry out your skin and can worsen hormonal acne.

Scrubbing too hard can worsen hormonal acne. Even some over-the-counter acne treatments can worsen hormonal acne. Take your kid to the dermatologist, jerk.” PurpleMarsAlien

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your daughter has had “really bad acne” for a year and a half and the best you can muster is “you must not be washing your face enough”?

Let’s leave aside that overwashing can cause skin problems, and that you were so eager to punch down on a child asking you for help – your default assumptions are a) that her problems are all her own fault and b) that a teenage girl with acne (who wants to not have acne) would not already be washing her face.

What really clinches it for me here is this; You BUY. HER. FACE WASH. If she wasn’t washing her face you’d know because she’d have a pile of face washes that are still all full. You wouldn’t need to ask her because the answer would be obvious.

Funny how that didn’t show up in this post. Even if she’s not washing her face 2x a day, who’s to say that would fix the problem? You’re telling your child you won’t do anything about her medical problem until she does. You are not her dermatologist. She doesn’t have one.

You should fix that! Imagine denying your child medical care and not knowing you’re the jerk. Imagine. Blows my mind.” Kitastrophe8503

“My husband’s cousin ‘Amelia’ is getting married and is having a bridal shower in a few weeks. I was the only one in my household invited so I assumed there were no kids invited, which is pretty standard.

However, through a few family members, I came to find out that the girls in the family were invited but not the boys. Fine, I’ve heard of that before. However, my two sons (9 and 7) heard that their girl cousins were invited and my 7-year-old felt very left out.

My 9 year old ‘Jake’ doesn’t care and doesn’t want to go anyway but my 7 year old ‘Andrew’ is upset. He cried and asked if he could go.

I reached out to my husband’s aunt Liz who is hosting the shower to see if an exception could be made for Andrew.

She was nice about it but said that the reason they hadn’t invited boys was because of venue limitations and also the theme (diamonds are a girl’s best friend) is very feminine. She said Amelia adores my boys but many of her friends have sons and she just can’t accommodate them all.

She was apologetic and I ended the conversation because it was awkward. However, Andrew is still upset and I’m thinking of reaching out to Liz again to see if an exception should be made. My husband thinks I need to let it go. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Stop insisting. The first time was a polite conversation, but the second request is likely to be frowned upon, especially since the bride won’t change her mind. This is a learning moment for your child, explain to him that he won’t always get what he wants in life and that he won’t be invited to every event.

And there will be plenty of events to which he won’t be invited.” Asciutta

Another User Comments:

“Are you kidding me? No. Not okay. You are so far out of line you have left the country. This is a teachable moment for your son that he doesn’t get to go everywhere he wants and he won’t be invited to everything.

This is a girls-only event, he doesn’t belong there. You have an absolute ton of nerve not taking no for an answer and harassing these people for an invite. Why aren’t you doing your job and parenting instead of placating your son? If it were my event I would have disinvited you by now.

YTJ.” Ornery-Octopus

Another User Comments:

“YTJ this is an excellent opportunity for your son to learn that not everything is for him, and sometimes he’s not going to get whatever he wants. And that it’s ok to feel upset when things are upsetting, but that isn’t necessarily going to get him what he wants.

He likely only wants to go because his cousins are, a seven-year-old boy is going to be bored to tears at a bridal shower. You shouldn’t have even called once to see if he could come, but you were told no so absolutely do not reach out again.

Your husband is right, let it go.” Jerseygirl2468

“The past couple of weeks I’ve been extremely sick and haven’t felt like leaving the house or doing anything. This sucks for me because nobody likes to be sick but I am a busybody and being bedridden is awful!

I also haven’t seen my (F19) partner (M20) in a while and he keeps asking me when I will see him and I tell him I want to wait until I’m at least not running fevers because I wouldn’t want to pass anything to him.

Especially because he has little siblings and a baby sister and I would feel awful if I got them sick.

He’s very persistent though and keeps saying how much he misses me and he wants to see me. He texts me multiple times a day asking to come over and I keep telling him not yet.

Especially because my fevers are up in the 104 range.

Yesterday both my parents were at work so it was just me at home. I’ve been in and out of sleep because I’ve been sick so I was sleeping most of the day yesterday.

Mind you my partner works M-F so in no way did I expect this. Around 2 PM I’m woken up to someone rubbing my back. Before opening my eyes I think it’s my father home on his lunch. Nope, it’s my partner. I’m very shocked at first and ask him what is he doing here.

He says he couldn’t stand being apart and wanted to surprise me. I then asked how he even got in because my parents always lock the door before leaving and he says he guessed the garage combination because it’s the same digits as my phone password which is what my family uses as a common password.

I’m a bit taken aback and I tell him it wasn’t cool to show up uninvited. He told me it seemed like I was ignoring him and he wanted to come see what’s up. We went back and forth about it for a while, me keeping my point of it’s rude to show up uninvited and he just tells me I should be grateful to see him and I need to stop whining.

After a while, he left mostly because I made a point to say my parents don’t know you’re here and wouldn’t be happy with me for having you over here without their permission. Since yesterday he has not talked to me. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – and his behavior seems creepy. Personally, I’d want to get away from him after that. Because let’s break it down: He refused to believe you were sick. To satisfy himself, he then breaks into your house. He then touches you when you’re asleep.

When you’re (rightfully) disturbed by his behavior, he tells you that you are wrong and that you should be glad to see him, and that you need to not whine about him not believing you were sick, and that he broke into your house and touched you in your sleep.

You don’t have a partner. You have a stalker.” Anovadea

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, he BROKE INTO YOUR HOUSE and he thinks YOU’RE the problem here??? You told him multiple times that you don’t want to see him, and for good reason—you don’t want to get him or his family sick.

Instead of being reasonable and listening to you, he decided that he was going to see you, regardless of the consequences and how you feel. Are you sure you want to be with a guy who won’t take no for an answer and brute forces his way anyway?” carton_of_cats

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You told him not to come over. He came over anyway. He came into the house without permission, trespassing, and expects you to be okay with this? He wakes you up by rubbing your back while asleep? Creepy. Has being told, “you should be grateful I did the thing you told me not to do” ever made someone grateful they did the thing they were specifically told not to do?

If I was in your shoes, I would be getting better than dumping him. He did something you explicitly told him not to do. It’s creepy how he thought it was okay to just come into your house without asking anyone and crossing a boundary without even saying sorry.

Actually, I would be breaking up with him now and telling your parents to change the code to your locks so he can’t just walk back into the house again. This behavior is creepy and seems incredibly dangerous.” SockMaster9273