People Need To Know "Am I The Jerk?" In These Personal Stories

“My wife and I are hitting a roadblock, and I’d love some outside input. My wife is breastfeeding our five-month-old, and I couldn’t be more proud of her.

She’s been adamant about breastfeeding even before she was pregnant but was anxious as to whether she would be able to supply enough. Thankfully, the opposite is what we’re encountering at the moment, as my wife is producing more than our baby could ever hope to eat.

I know how hard she’s working to provide for our daughter, and I support her 100%. However, we live in an apartment with limited freezer space. It’s filled with breast milk, making it impossible to manage meals for the rest of the family. We also have another child to feed.

I recently suggested exploring different storage options, as the situation has become unmanageable (despite the “breast milk storage hacks” we’ve implemented), there’s simply too much. The moment I brought up the topic, however, she lost it. She’s accusing me of being ungrateful that she’s able to provide so much for our daughter, and has been crying since.

I tried to explain that I didn’t mean anything like that, but she’s been refusing to have a discussion about it and hasn’t spoken to me since. I completely understand breastfeeding is important, and I’m glad she’s able to. I know hormones can make things extra emotional right now, but this storage situation is causing real stress for me.

I want to find a solution that supports my wife’s breastfeeding journey while making sure our whole family can eat comfortably. Did I say something wrong? AITJ?”

​Another User Comments:

“I wonder if you can help her calculate out how much she will actually need, then add some buffer, then she may agree to donate anything over that amount.

I did that in order to stop pumping at 8 months, but still have enough milk to make it to 12 months (when nursing becomes more for comfort than nutrition, since baby is eating enough real food). I was away at work 9 hours per day and figured that baby would need 3 servings per work day, times 5 days per week, times 4 weeks per month until they reached 9 months.

At that point they should be getting better at eating food, so it drops to 2 servings per day for months 9 and 10, then 1 serving per day until the birthday, when they no longer need pumped milk. A serving is 4oz. So if you do the math, you can figure out how much milk she actually needs.

Whatever you do, DO NOT dispose of milk without her permission.” Planted2468

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I don’t understand any of the other answers. Your wife is still pumping and storing despite obviously having enough milk for both the baby’s current needs and for any unforeseen circumstances.

She needs to cut down her pumping and just feed the baby. She’s producing so much that the baby can’t deal with the quantity so stopping or at least slowing down pumping will allow her to just produce the milk the baby currently needs.

NTJ. This is W.I.L.D.” Xenaspice2002

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – sounds like she is very emotional about the milk. Obviously, she’s producing faster than the baby can handle and soon your baby will be starting new foods so she’ll probably be overproducing even more.

You can look into donating the breast milk. That way her milk gets used and you don’t have to worry about as much storage.” testmonkeyalpha

“This could be so trivial, but it’s proving to have the potential to ruin our friendship.

I (26F) have had my best friend (26F) since we were toddlers. Grown up together, been through all of it together. Context I guess is that I’m quite slender.

I take pride in my weight, my health, and I know she does too but she’s always struggled with her weight. We used to gym together but it never really stuck.

The other night, I had my partner and her over for dinner. It was an awesome night, but she kept making comments (and she does all the time, has continually over the years) things like, “oh well, of course you can because you’re skinny” and “well yeah, that’s never a thin person problem”.

I got really awkward and this was only her second time meeting my partner (we’ve only been together four months).

I’d had enough and snapped, saying “look, it’s not my fault I’m skinny, okay!” The rest of this evening was as you can imagine, pretty awkward.

And she’s now not spoken to me in days when we usually talk every single day without fail.

Reason why I think I’m the jerk is because she went out with a guy recently after talking to him for weeks, she was so excited but when she showed up at the restaurant (this nice fancy place she’d been wanting to go to for a while), he literally said: “huh, you’re a lot bigger than your photos suggested”.

I knew how upset she was and it made me so mad to think a guy could ever have the audacity to say that to her. So, yeah, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is not your fault you’re skinny. That’s hardly an aggressive, insulting statement to make, so for a ‘snapped’ reaction it’s remarkably benevolent.

Someone being a jerk to you does nothing to excuse you being a jerk to a third party, and you were the third party in the situation with the guy she went out with. We can sympathize with her, but that doesn’t for a second mean you’re at fault for this situation.” arseholierthanthou

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. I imagine it is really hard to be young and bigger, and watch your skinny friends get all the attention. You let her comments go for a while and eventually snapped, not a big deal. ​”I take pride in my weight, my health.” I would comment that it’s a bit dumb to take pride in how little gravity it takes to hold you to the surface of the planet, I hope you can see that.

I would also mention that you will experience a lot of privilege in your life for being skinny, and she will experience a lot of discrimination, assumption, and harassment for her weight. You seem very empathetic and emotionally mature, so I’m sure you will be able to remain a supportive friend to her through this.

Best of luck.” trashhagcute

Another User Comments:

“Your friend seems to be struggling at the moment. Give her some space, and if she never comes back from that space, then let it go. But you’re not wrong for standing up to yourself against her passive aggressiveness, not at all.

You’re not responsible for whatever struggles she’s having. “Huh, you’re a lot bigger than your photos suggested” – I’m guessing she met this guy online. Personally, I prefer to be upfront about myself and my appearance online to avoid that kind of situation. It’s best to be ghosted by a person you’ve never met than going through something like this.

It’s not just sad, but you’re also wasting your time with someone who doesn’t like you for who you are. But that’s just my opinion. NTJ.” little_monster_dino

“I (24M) was at my company cafeteria when I saw someone (22F) who also goes to my gym. I started talking to her, just a friendly conversation because I was bored. I didn’t know she also worked at our company but we decided to have small talk at lunch and go our separate ways.

I actually wanted a buddy to talk to for lunch. I started seeing her every day and it was nice to have a friendly conversation and talk to people at our cafeteria. There’s honestly no one who goes there and sitting alone while eating makes me depressed.

The next day I went back to my cubicle when I saw her standing there with banana bread. Now she does not work in the same department as me but on a different floor of our building. I’m not sure how she found my cubicle number but I’m guessing she searched through every floor since there are only 5 floors.

She told me she made banana bread for me and wanted me to try it. I said I didn’t really want to. I don’t like banana bread. She insisted that it took her hours to make and she wanted to share it in lunch and try a little.

I said no thanks. Then she got angry and said I was a jerk and left my cubicle. Did I do something wrong for saying no to her bread?”

Another User Comments:

“This is a weird story. So you have been eating lunch with this person every day.

It sounds like you are friends. She took time out of her life to bake you some bread and you told her that you don’t want to try it and don’t like banana bread. That’s a pretty rude response and would be hurtful for someone who went out of their way to do something nice for you.

You didn’t need to try the bread, but you could have had some tact in your rejection. It’s not hard to say “thank you for thinking of me, that’s kind of you! Unfortunately, I don’t like banana bread but please think of me next time you bake something with chocolate!” She didn’t take the rejection well and was probably quite embarrassed. That doesn’t justify her lashing out at you by calling you a jerk.

Everyone’s the jerk here.” holliday_doc_1995

Another User Comments:

“Your coworker did something nice for you, even if she didn’t have the context that it isn’t something you like. I would understand refusing if you were allergic, but just straight-up refusing is rude. It’s a shame you won’t have someone to sit with anymore over something so easy to deal with.

Seems like she might’ve been interested in you and you were a jerk at the… let’s say 2nd opportunity. YTJ.” BC_Auron

Another User Comments:

“You’re the jerk – You were so rude. Sometimes in life, people give us gifts we don’t want. I’m not sure how you made it through your entire childhood without being taught basic gift-giving manners, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were a sad child who never got to celebrate Christmas/Hanukkah or Birthdays and so you never had the opportunity to learn.

When you get a gift you don’t want, you smile and say “Thank you” anyway. If it is a food, you say you aren’t hungry but will try it later. Obviously, there are caveats here like if your spouse completely ignores your wishes and personality and gives you a random lame gift, but this is obviously not that.” starbiebarbie99

“My ex-husband and I divorced when my son was ten. My ex found someone new. We went for 50/50 custody but he still had to pay some child support.

I went back to school at that time. On the weeks his dad had him, I buckled down and did nothing but schoolwork.

When he was with me, I made sure I had time for him before and after school.

I did expect him to help around the house but nothing excessive. Mostly just cleaning up after himself and helping with cooking and laundry.

His dad’s house was more fun.

I tried to make my home welcoming. I bought a used PS4 and I got fiber optic internet. It wasn’t enough for him.

When he was 14, he and his father got the court to award my ex primary custody. I did fight it but my son made it clear he would run away if I didn’t give in.

Counselling didn’t help. I tried everything.

It was devastating having my son decide I wasn’t someone he wanted to spend time with. He started skipping visitation. When he did come, he would leave the house and not come home until it was time to sleep.

During this time, I started a relationship with my current husband. He helped me through this. He wasn’t on my radar romantically, nobody was, so he got close by being an amazing friend. I asked him out and we got married six months later. We had known each other since I went back to university.

Six months after we got married, I got pregnant.

By strange coincidence, so did the woman my ex was unfaithful with. Not the woman he left me for. A newer model.

I had sold my house and my husband and I bought a condo together.

Just a two-bedroom apartment with a tiny den. We made the den into a nursery and consolidated our offices into the second bedroom.

My ex moved in with his new partner and she isn’t a fan of my son. His stepmother doesn’t want him there if his father isn’t there so my son is also in the new house with his dad, his dad’s pregnant partner, and her mom.

My son is sixteen now and he called me to see if he could stay with me. I said I didn’t really have any room. He asked me what I did with his room. He didn’t even know I sold the house.

He is very upset.

He called me a jerk for not having a place for him to stay. I said he could stay in our living room on the couch. Not acceptable.

I talked to my husband and we have enough money from the sale of my house and his old bachelor pad as well as our condo to buy back into the market.

We were waiting for interest rates to fall. And we were going to move to a more reasonably priced city. I told my son if he could take the living room for now, we could have a room for him in six months.

He moved in with his grandparents.

He isn’t happy there. At least his dad got him a car so he can drive to his same school.

My son is upset that I prioritized my new baby and my work over him. I had no expectation to ever need to house him again.

My ex called me and told me to make our office into a room for our son. I told him that our son’s circumstances were his fault, not mine.”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Your son made his decision, and he got what he wanted. It’s not cool that he is now facing the consequences of his father’s infidelity (again), but this decision is legally bound.

It is your ex’s responsibility to care for your son – by his own doing. With that being said, as a mother, I think you are letting an opportunity to rekindle the relationship pass. He is sixteen, and it was probably really hard to reach out to you and ask for help.

There has to be a more creative solution that can get you both under the same roof, while also giving everyone their space during such a transitional stage.” aj_alva

Another User Comments:

“Honestly. NTJ. People are upset saying you should have held a place for him but you’d previously been doing just that only to have the son not want to have anything to do with you.

It’s a lose-lose for you here, unfortunately. If you’d kept pushing the issue despite the son saying and showing he wanted nothing to do with you, they’d have called you a boundary-stomping jerk. It’s perfectly fine for you to have found a new love. It’s perfectly fine for you to have another child or however many more you two wish to have.

That doesn’t make this a “do-over” child like someone else stated and you aren’t replacing your son. It was fine for you two to downsize to accommodate the lives you CURRENTLY HAD. Your son didn’t want to be with you until he realized he wasn’t a priority with his dad anymore.

Yes, he’s a child. But he and his father both made the choices they made and that just isn’t working out for him now, is it? It’s lovely you and the current husband are looking for homes to accommodate him, truly, it is. But I think that the relationship between you and your son could use some counseling before he comes back to your house and craps all over you, your husband, and the baby.

But look, I ain’t nobody. Don’t let me mess up your life girl.” akzcinzow

Another User Comments:

“I do not for the life of me understand why OP is being ripped apart here. She did everything she could, including counseling, to keep him in her life and he allowed himself to be more or less bought by his father.

Needless to say, Dad is the biggest jerk in this whole scenario because it is HIS responsibility to make sure his son has a home-exactly like the son chose – but was mom supposed to just keep a room for someone who stopped talking to her for no good reason other than being less fun?!?

NTJ.” MikeDropist

“Growing up, I was a difficult child and was always rude to my mom.

She passed away in Jan 2019 (I was 16) and I was quite honestly extremely broken, and couldn’t forgive myself for the way I treated her while she was alive.

My dad had apparently been planning on remarrying and started seeing my now stepmother at the beginning of 2020.

They got married in Dec 2020. The most hurtful thing for me regarding this was the fact that he didn’t tell me about her. I accidentally found out and had to confront him, and only then did he tell me he’d been planning on remarrying.

I tried to get along with her and be as nice as I could allow myself to be since I was still grieving.

Things didn’t go well and we got into fights all the time because she was always trying to control my daily life and be involved in my academics which I didn’t feel comfortable with since neither of my parents ever did that and I’ve always been independent and self-sufficient with my education and career decisions.

They would only ever advise me. She would keep making comments like “you can’t study such a difficult course, your dad should’ve chosen something easier and less expensive” and it irked me.

Things kept spiraling and it got to a point where she would be jealous of the smallest forms of support or efforts my dad put in for me, with sarcastic remarks like, “I don’t understand why you keep prioritizing your daughter over everybody else in your life.

It’s like you can never love anyone more than her” (note: my dad isn’t big on affection or caring words, gets easily flustered or awkward with affection).

I later found out that my dad and his mother gave her my mom’s most valuable belongings including her jewelry, and they haven’t even mentioned it to me.

I told him that I was upset about it and didn’t want somebody else having my mom’s belongings. He said those were bought with his money and that I’m not old enough to be worrying about these things. The fights got worse and every time she would blame me for wasting my dad’s money (I was literally telling him what outfit I wanted for my birthday).

One time it spiraled out of control and she told me to never eat the food she made and asked me to get out. My dad didn’t stand up for me and only dropped me off at my friend’s place for the weekend.

I told him he’s a horrible parent for not standing up for his child and letting his wife treat me this way, and that I’ll never forgive him for giving up my mom’s gold to her.

I told him I’ve never seen him respect my mom’s opinions or wishes and that it won’t change the fact that he was a horrible husband just because he supports my stepmother with all her opinions and wishes now.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dad has grossly let you down, for years, if not maybe your entire childhood.

He may be legally fine but giving your mother’s jewelry to his wife was morally wrong and just tacky. And I can’t imagine taking the jewelry of a woman who passed and left a grieving child. Sounds like your dad and his wife deserve each other as they’re both terrible.

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Please keep working really hard in school and build up a good life for yourself. Eventually, you’ll never have to see these people again.” friendlily

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I don’t know where you’re from but where I’m from once a spouse dies, all belongings (unless stated in a will) go to the surviving spouse.

Unfortunate, but such is the way of the law. I think if you are constantly butting heads with your dad’s spouse then maybe it’s time for you to consider other options, maybe you can move out? If not, then limiting interaction might work.” Stride101r

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You may need to prepare yourself emotionally and financially to become completely independent. He made a choice that you are not his number one priority. Maybe one day, he will realize the full impact of what he did. Until then, make sure you can support yourself, and if you need to cut contact, eventually, then please do so for your mental health.

I can not imagine knowing that your own father cut you out to this point. Your stepmother has been instrumental, but your father stood by and let this happen. My advice is to create your own family. Surround yourself with loving, supportive people.” Prudent_Border5060

“I (27M) love sneakers. I collect a bunch. My favorite pair to wear right now are the Travis Scott Reverse Mocha Jordan 1 lows valued at over $1000 I think they are about $1500~ now.

Anyway, we had a family get-together and we are an Asian household so I take off my shoes and go upstairs and we are having a good time celebrating my sister’s birthday.

When my wife and I go to leave I put my shoe on and notice that it’s soaked and smells like urine.

I come to realize that my older sister’s dog urinated all over my shoe (granted somehow only one of them). I laughed in annoyance and said well now you gotta pay me back for these shoes he ruined. She said she would but when I told her how much they cost she immediately and angrily scowled back “no, that’s ridiculous I am not giving you $1000 when you could just clean the shoes”.

I said okay fine just pay me back half so I could go get them professionally cleaned or something/compensation for your dog urinating on my shoes. She continued to refuse and started to say it was my fault for owning such expensive shoes. Then I got extremely upset because it’s my money I should be allowed to buy whatever I want and these were shoes I saved up for.

My mom offered to give me the $500 for her but I told my mom to keep it cause it should come from my sister cause it was her fault.

Here’s where I may have been a jerk my sister did just have a baby and I know how much of a financial burden babies are however she’s refusing to take any blame now that she knows how expensive my shoes were and honestly, that’s what annoys me.

So am I the jerk for asking my sister to pay me back for a pair of shoes her dog urinated on?”

Another User Comments:

“The comments are wild to me. If someone’s phone was chewed up by a random family member’s dog I doubt that people would be blaming the phone owner for not keeping track of their device.

You should be able to reasonably expect that storing shoes in the designated space that shoes go would be safe. I think asking her to pay for a whole new set is a bit crazy but NTJ – just get them cleaned and bill that back to her.

It’ll be a couple hundred.” Significant-Crow6266

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. Why are you going around with 1000 $ shoes and then not protecting them? Btw, worn they are not 1500 $ anymore. Your sister is the jerk for not being willing to pay for the cleaning. If I were her, I’d tell you to take the shoes to the cleaner and then bring the bill to be reimbursed. I doubt it will be 500 bucks.” SoulSiren_22

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. NOT for owning expensive shoes. NOT for expecting your shoes to be free of dog urine, but for your attitude. Have the shoes professionally cleaned, and accept the money from either your sister or your mom. It does not matter if your sister “takes responsibility” or not.

These are shoes, and you would rather tank the relationship with your sister to make a point rather than just get the shoes cleaned. Who cares if your mom offered the money? If she wants to pay for it then she can take it up with your sister or not, who cares?

Do you want your shoes cleaned, or do you want money, or do you want a relationship with your sister? And no, it won’t cost $500 to have the shoes cleaned. This is a stupid hill to die on.” FilthyDaemon

“I rent a house with 3 other people. We all pay the same amount of rent if that’s a factor for anyone.

I will be calling my roommate Tira and her friend Kayden.

A week ago one of my roommates texted in the house group chat to ask if it was okay with everyone if she had a friend over, and that they will be in the living room for most of the day. I didn’t really have an issue with it, nor did anyone else so we said sure.

The next day Tira brought Kayden over. I want to make it clear that I don’t have my bedroom door closed 24/7 during the day because I have a cat. Instead, there’s a curtain that I take down at night when I go to bed. Because of this I can smell and hear most stuff that’s going on in the living room, but I wear headphones because noise annoys me.

Only about an hour of Kayden being here, I started to smell smoke and I quickly realized that it was coming from the living room.

I left my room to check if Kayden really was smoking indoors. He was. As calmly as I could I told him that he should take it outside.

He brushed me off though and said that “it’s chill” and that “there’s no way for the landlord to find out”. I was pretty taken aback when he said that. Most rented homes don’t allow smoking because the smell can get stuck in places like carpet, so yes the landlord would know.

I kept urging him to take it outside but he kept giving me non-responses eventually I looked to Tira for help who just shrugged at me in response. I had enough being nice so I told him he had to go. Both Tira and Kayden protested, and after I guess he realized I was serious because he started backtracking saying he could go outside.

I didn’t budge though and told him he had to leave, and that he could come back another day. After an expected argument he did leave and Tira went with.

Like I said this happened a week ago. Tira is still very angry at me.

I tried to fix things yesterday when I last saw her, even apologized but I haven’t been able to get through to her. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s against the terms of your lease. No one should be forced to inhale smoke. It’s completely socially unacceptable in this day and age (and in fact always was just more so now) to do such activities in someone else’s home/car against their wishes.

It’s an all yeses but only one no required situation.” Whitestaunton

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, OP. You have nothing to apologize for. Doing such activities in the house is not only against your lease; it smells awful with a difficult-to-remove odor and it causes secondhand effects which is a health hazard.

Kayden and Tira were both inconsiderate and if they’d responded appropriately to your initial, calm requests the escalation would have been avoided.” BadgerGirl92

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He could just be respectful and say sorry and go do it outside, instead, he started arguing with you while he was just a guest. I wouldn’t apologize and would not be fine with him visiting ever again, just because he doesn’t know how to treat others and if someone wants to be treated like he did to you then he will get it back.

And Tira can go off if she allows smoking in your living room even after you asked them nicely to take it outside.” forgeris

“So I (28F) have a grandma who is pretty judgmental/critical about things. My brother Dean (25M) is marrying his partner Sonia (23F). In the family, we all fell in love with Sonia from the start except my grandma who keeps saying stuff like “Well she seems nice but you never know what these girls can be hiding” or, “They seem in love but who knows if it’s just an act”, or “She’s very pretty, your brother was probably blinded by that” etc you get it.

Anyway, yesterday my grandma heard from my dad that the couple is having a hard time choosing a venue. She texted me (I am the oldest grandchild so my grandma tends to vent to me) saying “You see…trouble in paradise. Problems finding a venue is just the first step, maybe they’re not meant for each other.”

This really annoyed me because really she needs to get off their case they did nothing to deserve this, so I angrily texted back “What the heck, since when does trouble planning a wedding indicate marital troubles, I don’t know a single couple whose wedding planning went all smooth sailing.

Planning a wedding is stressful.”

Grandma: “The fact that your brother is so involved in the planning is already a warning sign. The bride plans the wedding everyone knows that, it’s the rule.”

Me: “Grandma it’s 2024 couples plan the wedding together as a couple, my brother has an idea of what he wants and he deserves to take part in the planning of his own wedding too – they make their own rules.”

Grandma: “No, that’s the way it is, the bride plans the wedding the groom grants her wishes to make her happy and doesn’t get involved. Their bad attitude will ruin their relationship.”

Me: “They will be absolutely fine and the only one with bad attitudes ruining relationships now is you, keep acting this way and they will keep away from you, and then don’t come to me complaining that your grandkids stay away from you.”

My grandma stopped answering and told my dad and now he says I’m a jerk for being so harsh with her especially since Dean and Sonia didn’t even hear of this (and we’ve all done our best for Sonia not to feel my grandma’s judgment, hope it’s working) but to be honest I’m just sick and tired of all her crapping on Sonia for no reason.

So, AITJ? Should I apologize like my dad said?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did your grandma the favor of taking her seriously. As someone who is definitely approaching “old” myself, I hate it when people don’t tell me the truth. “Too harsh, she’s old”.

Yup! That’s right, but I really like to have my opinions taken seriously. When I am wrong, I want to be told off for it. Not coddled as if I were an unreasonable toddler. If your granny is worth her salt, she will come back when she has thought matters over.

The cog wheels may turn a bit slowly, but as long as they move, there’s hope.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But just remember if Grandma is so eager to be two-faced behind your brother’s back what is she saying about the rest of you when you aren’t around?

I’d seriously reconsider having anything to do with her, she sounds painful and what value do you get out of her? If I were your brother I’d omit her from the guest list and hopefully, he and Sonia have a wonderful marriage and life whilst Grandma festers in her own misery and bitterness.” ColdstreamCapple

Another User Comments:

“Ntj your grandma is obnoxious. Many years ago when a cousin got married, it was about an hour away from where my grandfather and some of us lived. Grandpa spent the entire drive complaining about how inconvenient it was. Now this was a man who was disabled and literally never left the house except for doctor appointments in years (it was kind of sad.) I tried to calm him down and pointed out that it was convenient for them, it was near where they lived, etc. He would just not stop.

Finally, I just said “Grandpa they did it purposefully to spite you.” He glared at me and I just shrugged.” Careless-Ability-748

“I (27F) live in a large apartment with a few different roommates. There’s Harry and Mia (24M & 25F), myself, and Derek (28M). Harry and Mia are in a relationship and share a room, and Derek and I agreed to split rent 3 ways and let those two split it between themselves.

I think this is relevant later.

Derek got a new partner last summer, Molly (27F). Now that they’ve been together for a bit they’ve started staying at each other’s places. Molly stays over at our apartment maybe 2-3 times a week. (4 nights max) Harry and Mia recently approached me saying they think Molly should start contributing to rent, or at least to utilities or groceries now that she’s over so much.

I don’t agree, here’s why:

1. Molly helps clean pretty much every time she’s over. If she and Derek make dinner she helps with all the dishes and cleanup, she’s taken out the trash on her way out a few times and always offers to help if she sees one of us tidying up.

2. Molly has never eaten our food. She often comes over and cooks dinner for all of us (which she definitely does not have to do) and she always stops at the store for all the ingredients beforehand. I think the most she’s ever taken from our fridge was a bottle of water.

3. As for utilities, I just don’t think she’s over enough to make a huge impact. She doesn’t usually shower here, only doing so a handful of times in the months she’s been coming over. She and Derek pretty much just make dinners (on their dime), watch movies, and sleep.

Anyway, Harry and Mia are really pushing for us to all confront Derek about this and I refused. I don’t think she’s making enough of an impact that we need to demand money from her. And I feel like by doing that she’ll stop making us dinners lol (might sound selfish but several times she has made my entire night for having a home-cooked meal ready for me after work).

I also don’t think it’s fair for the two people paying the least amount in rent to be demanding this.

We’re sort of at a standstill because Harry and Mia don’t want to do this confrontation on their own and I’m refusing to agree to it.

They’re upset at me and I just want them to let it go. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

““If you want to review the rent split based on another person, then it will be reviewed as 5 people. Think carefully if this is what you want because you are two people being considered one.

Let me know how you want to approach the review, and I will need answers from both of you – seeing as you are two people, so each has a say.” NTJ. It’s rich coming from the couple being treated as one.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“I agree with others saying Harry and Mia are being ridiculous since they are already paying less than everyone else. And, you could ask them if they don’t think that Derek should be paying less, since he is over at Mia’s place a couple of days a week, so using less in utilities.

(I don’t think that makes sense, but it goes to their argument about Molly). NTJ.” Quick-Possession-245

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. These stories are almost always about a partner basically moving in and being a roommate without contributing, but not in this case! 2-3 nights is pretty standard for a partner to stay over, 4 is a little much, but that’s my taste.

The reality is that when people are in a relationship, they stay over, so almost any roommate situation is going to have to deal with that. Staying over every 4 nights each week just doesn’t impact utilities. Heating and air conditioning are on whether she is there or not, same with lights, appliances, etc. Sure, she uses water that wouldn’t otherwise be used, but that’s about it.

She just isn’t adding expenses by being over there. If their complaint was that she takes up common spaces too much, doesn’t clean up, hogs the bathroom, etc., well none of that is about money, it is about setting boundaries. But it sounds like she leaves no footprint and actually contributes when she is over.

So that comes to the issue – how are two people sharing a room and paying like they are a unit going to demand money from another person who is also sharing a room? So the two of them only cost 1 room, but Molly being over is a new cost?

It’s not even that they pay the least rent, it is they want you (and your other roommate) to ignore that the two of them add on costs that you pay for because the split is unequal, but that can’t be tolerated by a new guest. Stick with your other roommate here, this is bananas.” mfruitfly

“I (26 Trans Male) have moved to a new city and have been friends with my now roommate (30M) for a few years before making the move.

Dude is great! Keeps to his own space. Respects how I handle training my dog. We split food and utilities without fuss!

His mood and mine increased just having another human around, you know?

Except I bleed.

Once a week. Every month.

I put a trashcan in the bathroom to toss any period supplies as needed as well as floss or ear cleaners, tissues, etc. It has a liner that I replace often.

It’s tucked behind the mop even so it’s barely visible!

I’m well enough passing that I guess he forgets that I still have functioning ovaries? But that’s about the only silver lining I can find in this.

It’s been a fight every month over whether or not having a trashcan for my wrapped supplies is sanitary.

I’ve even tried wrapping them 3 times over and tucking them to the bottom of the floss and tissues (which have ones that he has used! Ew!) but it’s still a fight!

He wants me to walk it all the way out to the dumpster each time I have to change something out.

I finally had enough and described the suffering of it in graphic detail to him.

I’m a heavy bleeder and always have been to the point that my anemia makes it incredibly hard to keep my balance on my heaviest and worst days. Cups fill in minutes.

It’s bad.

I probably didn’t need to be so graphic when I was explaining why exactly I needed this in here at least one week per month. I feel like a jerk for that, but I don’t think this is an unreasonable request!

Everywhere I go– including his parents’ and friends’ houses, they have trashcans in their bathrooms!

He has a mom and a sister who is one year younger than him. I feel like he should know something about this!

Anyway. That’s my scream to the void.

So.

Am I the jerk for wanting a trashcan in the only bathroom in our apartment?”

Another User Comments:

“WTF??? I don’t think I’ve EVER been in a bathroom in someone’s house WITHOUT a little trashcan. NTJ. This is a total sidenote and has no bearing on the conflict, but I am also a monthly blood cycle-having trans guy who bleeds heavily, and I found my life, finances, and (unexpectedly) my dysphoria got a lot better once I switched to cups.

I know they are not viable for a lot of people, but you can get ones with a fairly high capacity. Could potentially save you the headache, but I would NOT switch just for this guy lmao.” NoSalamander7749

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Period phobia annoys me.

I get obnoxious about it. How dare someone make you feel ashamed about your body doing its thing? I like to use the phrase “uterine lining sloughing”. But that’s me. A covered bin is a good choice. But if dude is straight and is gonna have a partner and daughters one day he needs to get over it.” Itchy-Witch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Having a toilet trash can is the standard in most countries with plumbing issues or houses with a septic tank (as anyone raised in the countryside might relate to), in addition to being a necessity for periods. He is being intransigent and unwilling to accept something that, honestly, he’ll most likely be forced to accept as he grows, travels, finds love, and moves outside of his bubble.” LonelySwim4896

“I (31F) am a SAHM.

I have 4 children 1 bio, 3 adopted. My husband and I did foster care for several years and we ended up adopting a sibling set we fostered. We still do foster care but we no longer do long-term care we only do emergency placement.

With emergency placement foster care I never know when I will have to run and go get a child.

I never know what age the child will be, what gender, etc. so I keep a range of clothing in every size, I buy tons of different hygiene products, books everything from children’s story books to self-help and more specific types of books for teenagers and young adults, toys, journals they can write in and keep, etc. You just never know so I try to keep my bases covered.

Most of the clothing I get is either donated to me or bought second-hand unless I find a really good deal at the store or something. All of the clothing is nice and ranges from casual to formal wear. However, everything else comes out of my own pocket.

I do get some money but it doesn’t really cover the cost. Also with 4 children to feed and random placements, I am very frugal with what I spend. I am probably in the realm of extreme couponing but I do my best to make sure we can afford to do all of this and still have a nice life.

I have 5 siblings but specifically Adrienne (22) I am having an issue with. Every time she comes over a ton of my supplies go missing (clothes and hygiene products mostly). At first, I didn’t notice the pattern but once I noticed I started locking my supplies away so she couldn’t steal them.

Adrienne is definitely not rich by any stretch but she isn’t broke either. She has a job and still lives with my parents. She can afford clothing and supplies so I feel like she is stealing from my foster children. Those supplies are specifically for those children and they need the supplies far more than she does.

Usually, when they come to me they have absolutely nothing but the clothes on their back and sometimes a grocery bag they put together in a hurry.

The last time she came over she threw a fit because I locked up everything. I told her those supplies were for my foster children and that she needed to go get her own things and stop stealing from my home.

She screamed at me so I kicked her out and told her she isn’t allowed back at my home. I also told her she needs to pay me for what has been stolen so I can replace it or she can return the items to me.

At any moment a young lady of that size may be placed with me and I won’t have supplies because Adrienne stole them and it infuriates me.

Anyway, my mom thinks I am being a jerk and said Adrienne needs the supplies and we are far better off and I should just look the other way and replace them.

We are only better off because I am super frugal with everything I buy and buying extra for her is just not in my budget.

I’m not sure if I’m being a jerk or not.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s ridiculous that your mother condones this theft. Wouldn’t surprise me if she’s taken things too.

You’re trying to do some good here, and your sister is taking advantage of it. You put a stop to it, as you should. If she “needs” the supplies so badly, she can either buy them or have your mother buy them. Your home is not a free shopping center.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You need to ask your mom why it is okay for an adult to essentially take from a child who literally has nothing. Not someone who is doing well, but from children who don’t have parents or anyone to look after them, so it is the kindness of strangers like yourself who provide them with probably the only stability they’ve known in life.

If your sister can’t make ends meet with her one job while living with your parents, perhaps she should get a second job or seek job training instead. Furthermore, in your position, I’m not looking the other way when ANYONE comes into my home and continually steals from me.” moew4974

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Rather than asking if you would be willing to let her have some of your stock because she is having financial issues (or so your mother claims), your sister has been stealing from you every time she comes to visit and then had the gall to throw a tantrum and scream at you when you put a stop to it.

If your mother is so righteous about telling you that you should let Adrienne have whatever she likes from your home, I assume she allows Adrienne to steal from hers as well with a smile on her face and open arms? No? Why am I not surprised?” asphodel2020

“I’m F28 due in June with my first. My husband is M29.

His mother in particular is super excited to meet our baby but has been lamenting over her age for a long time now.

Apparently, she stopped celebrating her birthday after 50 and has refused any acknowledgment of her birthday since I’ve known her. I don’t even know her exact birthday – none of her kids, nor her husband have been allowed to acknowledge it without her getting upset.

But I do know because of her extreme lamenting about it that she will be 60 this year.

While she is so eager to meet her grandbaby, she has been avoiding any of the “grand” labels since we announced my pregnancy. When she talks to people about the baby, she says things like “my son’s baby” rather than “my grandbaby” which doesn’t bother us as it’s her problem but the lengths she goes to to avoid saying “grand (anything)” comes across as excessive and ridiculous.

Most specifically, she has completely rebuked the term “grandmother/grandma” for herself to the point where she outright says things like “Yes, my son is having a baby, but I’m not going to be a grandmother.”

She sat us down last weekend and told us that she will not allow the baby to call her grandma or grandmother.

Okay, totally fine. My own mom prefers Nana, so we suggested MIL goes by Nana as well and then we just use initials: “Nana M” and “Nana K.” She said no, it has to be original and she’d only go by Nana if my mom doesn’t.

So we threw out Nany, Nan, Grammy, G, and she said those were all way too old-sounding. Asked if she had any ideas and she said the only name she’ll accept is Oma, and explained to us that because she’s Oma, FIL will be Opa.

Nobody in either of our families is German. Not even a little.

I told her this was getting ridiculous, we’re not even German and while she can call herself anything she wants, I’m not calling her Oma. I don’t care if my kid starts calling her Oma once she can talk – I won’t actively encourage nor discourage her or future kids from saying Oma, but I personally am not participating.

My husband agreed with me but told me privately that while he thinks it’s ridiculous, he’d be fine with doing it just to humor his mom. I just really don’t want to.

MIL is upset and says that I’m forcing her into “old lady names.” By no means does she need to go by grandma or any of our suggestions but I just feel weird and ridiculous using the names from a language/heritage that has nothing to do with any of us just so that MIL doesn’t “feel old.” AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. The difference between Nana and Oma is so trivial, I have no idea why this is the hill you want to die on. How does it hurt you in any way, shape, or form?” morgaine125

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She expressed she doesn’t want to be called that.

You’re actively disrespecting her by not caring about her preferences. I call my grandma, mom (in Spanish) because she feels the same way. No one in my family ever questioned it or made it into a big deal. Because it isn’t a big deal. If you want it to be a problem, go ahead and be spiteful but to me, it just sounds pointless.” jjb1718

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Call her what she asks you to call her. Why is that YOUR decision? You realize that people are literally losing their jobs and children for calling people the wrong pronoun. You need to get with the program. (Okay, that was humor but seriously, why do you care what name she wants to use?).” watchingbigbrother63

“My wife and I are parents to our only child who just turned 3.

Last year, we decided not to renew our lease as we couldn’t afford the rent increase. My sister and brother-in-law recently bought a house a few years ago so I approached them in confidence asking for help, just so I could save up enough money for a downpayment on a home.

We negotiated to stay for a year, no rent, and after that, if things go well we can hash out a month-to-month plan. She asked for the $20K life savings I had to be their “down payment” to get the basement project started which would be finished at the same time our lease was up so we moved in late January.

Everything was going very well with the living situation until this past Presidents Day weekend. My sister and brother-in-law took a trip out of state for the weekend and we stayed in the basement apartment for the entire time never making a fuss about things.

I was coming home from work Tuesday, and when I got home I saw my wife sitting on the floor of the living room, still upset but she recounted what happened. She came home with my son up to the front door. She opened the front door to the alarm going off when my son broke away from her running down the driveway towards the street where there was an incoming car.

The alarm countdown started, but in that instant, she dropped everything and ran after him. Luckily the car that was coming was a neighbor across the street who saw what was happening and slowed down. My wife was able to grab my son and bring him inside when the panic alarm started blaring.

My sister was able to remotely deactivate the alarm. I felt as long as no one was hurt it was alright. We pledged to readjust as all people make mistakes and left it to bed.

It wasn’t until Friday that my sister asked to talk to me.

She told me that she and my brother-in-law want us out in 6 months and will give back $10K. I asked why, and they said because we didn’t tell them what happened with my son as a “liability” the trust was broken, and they had to hear it from 2 neighbors who saw and told them what happened. I was absolutely stunned at the reasoning.

I told her it was an isolated incident where no one got hurt, I didn’t think I needed to keep them informed of all the goings on with my family unless it was something egregious. She said that this incident brought attention to them.

My guess, she thinks it’s going to prompt people to report the residence for possibly an illegal apartment.

This is speculation because I don’t know if they have permits for it or an HOA. But I’m shocked and saddened that they came to this decision after only a month of us being here for what I think is a very frivolous reason. My wife feels like this was her fault and I assured her it wasn’t.

I recognize this is their house and I never made a legally binding agreement to them. I’m SOL and will have to pick up and move again in 6 months or less.

Are we the jerks?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your sister and bil are seriously screwing you over.

You were there for one month and they are giving you 6 months to move out. They are essentially charging you 1500 a month for those few months. With the way they are treating you you would have been better off using the 20000 for a down payment on your own house or just renting.

To be honest it feels like they used you for your money and now that they don’t need it anymore are telling you to get out. Quite frankly I’m surprised they’re going to give half of it back but don’t be surprised you don’t get that back as well.” gravegirl48

Another User Comments:

“20K for a year, or 10K for 6 months, is NOT free rent. The first thing you need to do is change the way you think because thinking of that deal as “no rent” is what got you into this situation where your sister took advantage of you.

You don’t even know if she’ll give you back 10K when 6 months are up. Also this whole thing from your sister about how you “didn’t tell them what happened” doesn’t make sense because your sister is the one who called in to deactivate the alarm.

If you moved in late January then you haven’t even been there a month. We’re only in the third week of February here. And already your sister is reneging on the deal. And she has all your cash.” Reasonable-Sale8611

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here.

You are not living there rent-free. You are living there at a reduced price, without a binding contract and paying upfront. It might still be a big help for you, but it says something about your financial mindset that you call this “rent-free”. Your sister had a chance to raise the value of her house without taking a loan from the bank since no other tenant would have given her that amount upfront, and now she can rent it out.

It sounds like it was supposed to be a win-win situation, and she probably wanted to help, but you need to understand that what you both did was business and it is not easy doing business with family. Did you ever talk about what would happen if the arrangement was not working for either of you?

You said a place in this area would have cost 3k a month. Would an apartment in this amount have the same conditions as your sister’s basement apartment? Would another landlord have the option of telling you to move out after 6 months? Because moving also has costs.

Is your sister giving you the 10k back now or at the end of the 6 months?” Ok_Appeal_6270

“I (17F) have a younger brother (10M) who I’ll call Jack. My brother has always been a curious kid, he’s always asking questions about everyone and everything.

So, the other day I was packing tampons in my school bag, as I had just gotten my period a few days ago, and Jack happened to walk into my room and see them. He asked what I was doing and what the things I was holding were.

I didn’t think that I did anything wrong by telling him the truth. Obviously, it wasn’t super detailed, but basically, I said that I have a cycle where I bleed every month, which is my body telling me that I am not pregnant and that I need the tampons to help with the bleeding.

My brother asked me if the bleeding hurt, and I told him no. I also told him that if he wanted to know more about them then he should ask my mum when she gets back. (She’s currently on a work trip) And to me, he seemed pretty content with that.

He was a little worried about me, but I reassured him that I was fine.

I thought that was the end of it, but when I got home from school that day my dad told me that it was ‘inappropriate and gross’ of me to tell Jack about my periods, that he was ‘too young’ and that ‘a boy doesn’t need to be told about that stuff’ which I found strange because

1. I didn’t think my dad had a problem with talking about periods

2. I know for a fact that Health class in Jack’s grade is starting to introduce topics such as periods, and especially within the next few years there will be more talk about them at his school.

I have talked to my dad about my periods openly before, and so has my mum, so I really didn’t think he thought they were gross or anything. I don’t know why he thinks it’s a big deal to tell Jack about them, especially because there’s no way to stop him from learning at least a bit about them in the future.

Personally, I actually feel men need to be more educated on periods.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Jack asked a simple question, he got an honest, age-appropriate reply. No drama here. Your father is wrong. Jack should know about these things. Especially since he asked. And you shouldn’t lie to children just because they are young.

They deserve better than that. Your father is projecting his own feelings here. The women’s universe of periods, pregnancies and all that jazz is natural, not the least bit gross. I am shocked to discover how much covert misogyny there is even amongst fathers of daughters.

They should do better. Jack will do better because he was informed when he asked a simple question. NTJ.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“I teach 10-year-olds science. They learn about periods and the menstrual cycle. That’s a weird and sort of misogynistic response from your dad who seems to be set in some sort of juvenile mindset that periods are icky and a taboo subject.

My friend’s father wouldn’t even add sanitary products to the grocery cart because he was embarrassed to take them through the checkout. Anyway, you’re NTJ. As you say, he’s going to be learning this anyway. I don’t know what country you’re in, but in the UK it’s literally on the science and PHSE syllabus for 10-year-olds.” Own-Kangaroo6931

Another User Comments:

“Reproductive health is something everybody, regardless of gender and sexual orientation needs to have a solid understanding about. And that should be taught throughout childhood and youth so kids understand the changes they and their peers are going through, how to be safe, how to support each other, and how to set healthy boundaries.

At 10 years old chances are that there are girls in his grade who have started to have periods (or will very soon), so it’s in no way too early for him to know. I’d say that your parents have failed in their parenting if they have a 10-year-old child who knows nothing about something as basic as periods.

Your explanation and way of handling your brother’s questions were kind and completely age-appropriate. Well done! NTJ.” HeatCute

“My brother always asks me to watch his dogs when he’s away from home. He had a horrible experience with a neglectful pet sitter before. So he refuses to trust strangers with his dogs anymore.

He and I used to live in the same city but he recently moved to the same city as my sister. So when he asked me if I could watch his dogs again this year, I suggested our sister’s roommate do it since she wouldn’t have the long drive and she’s someone my sister has known for years.

My brother was upset at my answer. Apparently, this year was going to be extra special because they had finally saved up enough for a dream trip. If I don’t watch the dogs, they’ll miss out on it as well as flights and hotel deposits.

I’m just done helping him exclude me. I asked if I could join them in previous years but they made it clear this is just their own tradition. We have a good relationship but I don’t think they realize our relationship did suffer for this.

My parents are upset with me now and are pressuring me to change my answer. They’ve been telling me I’m being a jerk for just refusing to do it for no good reason. I just think that since they don’t need a good reason to exclude me from their trips, I don’t need a good reason to not help them with it.

Am I being a jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. And you do not have a good relationship with your brother or sister or your parents. You’re simply accustomed to being marginalized and being treated as a servant. Would any member of your family drive to your home and house-sit for you?

I’m betting no, and they would think you absurd for asking. So your brother and sister go on an annual holiday and you get to stay home and take care of the dogs. Have you ever seen Cinderella? You mention that this situation is hindering your relationship with them even though they don’t realize it.

I think you think far more of your relationship than your siblings think of it. I’m betting they don’t think of it at all, outside of how they can use you.” AdOne8433

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Wait…you have two siblings and they take a vacation together and leave you to take care of one of your sibling’s pets?

Did I understand that correctly? That’s kind of a jerk thing to do. Why do they exclude you? Are you a lot younger than they are and they can’t relate? Why do your parents go along with this? Do they not think you’d like to be included in the sibling vacation too?

I’m confused, but, I do know you shouldn’t have to dog-sit if you don’t want to. Wow.” leswill315

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell him you have a tradition too. Your tradition is to not help people who exclude you. I don’t think your relationship is as good as you think it is with your family.

It sounds like you’re a bit of a people pleaser and they all like to take advantage of it.” lonelysilverrain

“I announced one year ago that this bridesmaid would be doing a speech at my wedding and she was so happy about it.

Whilst at dinner 3 months ago her new partner asked me while catching up for dinner to not talk too much about my wedding as due to her new business she might need to fly to NYC and miss the wedding.

To my shock I asked if this was the truth; she responded that she wouldn’t miss my wedding for the world. As she has a tendency to be avoidant I brought up the conversation a few times and every time she told me that she wouldn’t miss it.

Fast forward to Christmas when I am traveling with full access to mobile reception and she texts me in the middle of the night that she will not be able to make it to my wedding. Confused and in shock why someone who was meant to speak at your wedding texts their cancellation I asked her to speak when I get back in town.

Once I am back in town I message to catch up and feel like she isn’t making any efforts to make it up to me or urgently catch up. In anger, I spoke about her to our friend in common mentioning that she was raised differently to text this to someone rather than call.

This friend lets the bridesmaid know how I felt and my words of anger. AITJ to expect more than a text message from someone meant to speak at my wedding?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I will say that unless you expected the joint friend to say something to the texting friend, I would be more careful saying things to her, but I also think the only reason you vented to that friend is because of the lack of communication from the texter/canceler.

Speaking at someone’s wedding is a place of honor. To say you won’t even make the wedding via text FEELS disrespectful to the friendship. That being said, I am sure she felt terrible about it and KNEW she was the one in the wrong, which is why she did this via text rather than a call or in person.” JGalKnit

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This had been planned and you had already told others about it. If she can’t professionally inform you of her inability to make it and tell you why then you have every right to tell people of this. At midnight too, eesh, can’t even let you know at a time where you can call her to ask for more explanation.” JoeSolo070

Another User Comments:

“You mention she tends to be avoidant and she is building a business. Her SO gave you a heads-up. She said she’d be there and later texted you that she wouldn’t be able to make it. And you don’t think a text is okay even though you know she tends to be avoidant.

You seem to feel she has something to make up for and has some nerve for not being at your wedding. It’s no wonder she didn’t call you. Everyone sucks here. Her for not being adult enough to let you know up front and sooner.

You for thinking that she has zero right to cancel and didn’t do it in a way you’d prefer and isn’t trying to make up for it. No one owes you anything. Yes, it sucks she didn’t call you or tell you sooner about the issue.

She is apparently building her own business and that does take a lot of energy and time. It sounds like you have a history of being angry and it may cause people to not want to be direct with you. And if you approach every relationship you have as a transactional one (like they need to make it up to you) you don’t have friends.

They are minions. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your wedding at least.” Special-Parsnip9057

“I (20) came over to my parents’ house last weekend because the family cat had to be put down. I truly loved him so the entire weekend was like a torture session, I was always looking over at his favorite sleeping places to see if he was there, just to be disappointed and heartbroken.

Meanwhile, my parents John (51) and Mary (45) have gotten a bit more distant in the past few months. They’re not really doing things together anymore and my father is always, like seriously at least 6hrs a day, looking at his phone. We’ve had conversations about them getting hobbies in the past, but nothing really ever came of it.

It’s always my mom trying to get them to do something and my father finding excuses not to do it.

The Monday after, we were eating at the dinner table and my mother teased my father about the fact that whenever he’s talking about his work he keeps referencing his female colleague Alice (30).

Mary: “Wow, you must really like her a lot if you keep bringing her up in every conversation” to which John responded, “Yes, I feel like I can talk better with her than with you.”

I started laughing immediately, I’m sorry, I find it kind of funny when people give the worst answers.

Like he had to have known that’s a free ticket to a night on the couch. The rest of the day was rather uncomfortable, I talked with my father in the evening in which he played it off as him teasing my mother back and it getting out of hand.

The next day, in the morning, I heard my parents arguing loudly in the kitchen before they left for work, I felt rather anxious so didn’t join them for breakfast. But when my mother came home from work, I sensed there was something wrong immediately.

Apparently, my father had confessed something that morning, He is in love with Alice and he loves Alice and my mother equally. When my mother asked him if he would leave or if he loved her, he said “I don’t know”.

I’ve been helping my mother out for the past week because she is heartbroken.

She always used to tell him her worst fear was not having my father anymore and he’d always grunt. Her worst fear has just come true.

Now, 2 hrs ago, we were eating at the dinner table and my dad started scrolling on his phone again, I thought of something and asked him if I could use his phone, my phone was upstairs and is slow.

He gave it to me and later asked to have it back to which I responded jokingly “ah, I thought it was a gift”. Then he didn’t want to take it back and just said “I’m going outside”. Weird.

Once my mother made sure he was gone, she demanded to get his phone and asked me to unlock it.

Which I stupidly did. After 10 minutes I got increasingly nervous as to her silence and started doing the dishes and telling her she had to go so I could clean the table, I actually wanted her to go away because of stress. It’s pretty clear they will divorce now, so AITJ for showing his texts?”

​Another User Comments:

“”Once my mother made sure he was gone, she demanded to get his phone and asked me to unlock it, which I stupidly did.” No, you were not stupid for doing this. What your dad does in private may not be anyone’s business, but you are all a family, and if you suspect one is screwing around or trying to break you all apart, you have every right to snoop around.

I mean your father all but confessed he was being unfaithful to your mom, right in front of her, and within earshot of you. It’s disgusting. 1,000% NTJ here, and you should be proud for sticking up for your mom.” LoneRedditor123

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. No doubt it was even your mother who demanded that you give her the phone.

If you didn’t I bet there would be drama about why he can’t show and it would be the same. It’s unfair for your mum to be treated like that, you did a good thing. I am so sorry you have to go through this though…” SamanteSimone

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As another commenter pointed out, your dad being unfaithful is the reason for the divorce. If you did anything, ANYTHING, it was maybe inadvertently giving your mother the concrete evidence she needed to put an end to her painful limbo. And for all these dingdongs saying it was none of your business or whatever; sitting on a fence pretending to be impartial when one party is being unfaithful is choosing a side.

You mentioned that your dad asked for the phone back and then you joked and said you thought it was a gift or whatever… was your mom around during that exchange? Was she in the room when he went outside? I’m just wondering if he suspected she was going to look and was just ready for it to all blow-up.

Has he said anything?” magicsusan42

“I am in my last year of school and our final exams start soon so the pressure is high and I am incredibly stressed out. Most of our teachers have decided that this is the perfect time to have us do presentations in groups.

I am not good at group work.

I am top of the class in almost all subjects and I don’t like working with people who can’t keep up. Now, I don’t expect people to put in the same amount of work I do, but I do wish for a certain level of skill so I mostly work with Cat.

We just click and we work together great.

For this group work, we got to choose topics rather than groups and Cat picked the same topic as Amy. We both don’t like working with Amy as she is annoying to work with. She barely gets by and is always on the verge of failing yet likes to critique everyone for everything.

We recently had to explain to her why it isn’t smart to write formulas on her arm to study for a test while she is driving.

I looked over her work yesterday and it wasn’t good. At all. So I shot her a text and I was SO nice.

Basically asking her if she would mind changing a few things. A few hours later I talked with Cat and nothing had changed so we called Amy to discuss. After 30 minutes of explaining Amy still insisted that what she did was good and she wanted to keep it.

After that, I used the comment function on Canva to point out the things that needed changing only for her to answer everything with “I’m gonna add that while presenting.” The things she didn’t want to add were the key elements of the topic.

After 6 hours of trying to work things out and her not being willing to compromise at all, I just texted her saying “It doesn’t matter if you want to add everything while presenting if what you wrote down is garbage.” She asked what was wrong with it and I said “If you still don’t see what the problem is I don’t know how to help you.”

Might be worth mentioning that I am autistic and struggle with sounding rude when I don’t mean to at times, so I cleared everything with Cat before I wrote anything, but after 6 hours of back and forth, I just got frustrated.

Well, today Amy went to talk to our teacher while I wasn’t there because I am sick at the moment, probably to complain about me because she thinks I’m a jerk.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You were rude and condescending. If you are going to call somebody’s work garbage, and they ask for what is wrong, and you reply with: “If you still don’t see what the problem is I don’t know how to help you.” That is not constructive.

That is not helpful. If you cannot articulate what is actually wrong with it, who are you to say that it is garbage? If you are going to be successful outside of the classroom, you need to learn to work in groups, even with people you dislike, without being rude.

There are very, very few jobs out there in which you will be completely independent.” ProbablyMyJugs

Another User Comments:

“After reading through this post several times, I think YTJ. It sounds like you set Amy up to fail from the start because you don’t like her, you think she is of a lower intelligence than yourself, so whatever ideas she could have brought, you would have had an issue with regardless.

As far as I have read in this post, I can’t see where you actually explained to her what you thought was wrong with her work, and then became frustrated that she misunderstood what you were trying to say. I don’t think it’s fair for you to blame your rudeness on autism since you were clearly ok with being rude for the best part of “6 hours” and felt no need to adjust your attitude; more to the point, you don’t need social skills to have compassion, which you had none of for Amy.

Overall I hope you can resolve this dispute with your teacher & maybe think about how you treat TEAM members in the future. Work together, not against each other!” Own-Championship-398

Another User Comments:

“I’d go with NTJ. You spent 6 hours explaining her ideas and she still believed she was in the right.

So she is incompetent and still her feelings are somehow more important than the feelings of the team and the quality of group work? No way. Although you’re right that you need to work on your communication – you’ll have to cope with a lot of incompetent people in the future (and probably you’ll be the one who is incompetent too).” Vulpes-caragan

“I 24f had a cancer scare a few years back and had a biopsy done on my upper leg. The scar has faded now, but it is still fairly noticeable and about 7cm long. Thankfully, it was only a scare and nothing came of it.

For a while, I was insecure about it and stopped wearing skirts or tight leggings where you could see the outline of the scar, but now that I’ve accepted it’s going to be there, I started to wear whatever and realized nobody cares about it apart from the odd question.

My friends and I went to the beach yesterday and I wore a bikini. I was excited to get a tan and my friend Anna brought her other friend Dana 25f. I have met her before but don’t know her very well, however, I do know she started a fundraiser for her mom who is fighting cancer right now.

Dana’s family situation is quite difficult as her dad passed away recently and her mom has stage 4 and Dana is juggling a lot.

I came earlier than Anna and Dana so I was already in my bikini when they joined us and Dana was nice to me and asked about my new job.

Then Anna went to say hi to the others and Dana mentioned my scar and recognised it was a biopsy. She asked if I could wear a beach cover-up as it was triggering to her and insensitive of me as I know her mum is going through it right now.

I said no I’m here to get a tan and the cover-up will ruin that and Dana didn’t say anything but didn’t talk to me for the rest of the day.

Today Anna texted me telling me Dana told her what happened and while she agrees Dana’s comment was weird, I should have given her a free pass as she is not in the best place mentally right now.

I said it was really weird and no I wouldn’t.

I genuinely don’t think I am in the wrong and think she’s being really weird about the situation. Obviously, if I am in the wrong I will apologize.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ at all.

While I feel for her and what she’s going through, it is absolutely not ok to ask someone to put a coverup on due to a scar. If someone has a trigger, it is their responsibility to handle it, not everyone else’s to change for them.

You’re at the beach, it is completely acceptable that you wear your bikini. And good for you for not letting your scar deter you from what you want to do!” patters1079

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Her triggers are hers to manage, your body your choice and also you should feel comfortable and wear what you like.

She may not be in the best place mentally right now so I do hope she will realize that what she did is immature, not sure what to think of your other friend though.” Due_Battle_5150

Another User Comments:

“NTJ whatsoever. Expecting someone else to adjust their appearance because she feels “triggered” is not how the world works.

She needs to toughen up. Sure she’s going through some stuff, but who isn’t? It’s not a free pass. If anything she should feel more sympathetic to your scarring.” notforcommentinohgoo

“My in-laws are currently furious with me for hurting my brother-in-law’s feelings and reputation with my friend group. Recently my single brother-in-law “Chris” (38m) has been hinting at me to introduce him to women and I’ve refused. Chris has been single for almost three years and he has been having a hard time meeting women.

He tried flirting with my friend but she had been cold and non-receptive. This was my friend “Grace” (35f). Grace is not interested in him due to his inability to be faithful and she wasn’t physically attracted to him. He tried to flirtatiously engage with her during a small party my husband and I had last Saturday (my husband got a long-awaited promotion so we had a little party).

During the party, Grace had grown frustrated with his incessant flirting and at some point told him in no uncertain terms that she found him physically ugly and that his physical ugliness was only surpassed by the ugliness of his character. She told him this in private and so no other guest had heard her scathing review of his personhood.

Chris left the party. The following afternoon while my husband and I were nursing a wicked hangover, my in-laws to my surprise called to scold me for having abused and embarrassed Chris. After a few minutes of us shouting back and forth on the phone, I reminded my husband that handling his family was his job.

So while my husband argued with his parents I reviewed our security cameras.

And honey Grace verbally tore him apart! Grace reminded him that he was unfaithful and divorced his late ex-wife “Lily” while she was battling cancer and that he then got dumped by the mistress for being unfaithful as he continued to be unfaithful to her.

Grace told him that he wasn’t a man of any significant value other than the few coins he had in the bank and that there was no way in the world she’d entertain his delusions. She also said the only thing he had going for him was his over-bloated job title as an executive director to a third-rate company that will probably collapse in the next five years.

As a parting gift, she told him to consider some cosmetic work to improve his haggard appearance and perhaps to start praying for divine intervention to fix his rotten soul since there is no way a psychotherapist could ever come close to fixing whatever is wrong with him.

My in-laws and Chris feel that I shouldn’t have told my friends what Chris did because he’s now perceived by my friends as a terrible person. I told them he was unfortunately a terrible person and people would’ve always found out what happened between him and the late, great Lily.

I then discussed what happened with my colleague “Natasha”, she said I was cruel for having told my friend group about what happened between Chris and his ex-wife because Chris had grown a lot in the past two years and didn’t need to be known for the worst thing he has ever done.

Natasha is seeing Chris’s friend, so she also knows him.

FYI I’ve only discussed Chris’s treatment of Lily with my direct friend group and that’s only 6 people and half of them already knew as they were also friends with Lily. So it’s not like I’m screaming hear ye hear ye in the town square.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! How can telling the truth be perceived as unfair? Chris did this to himself. It was his behavior that was the problem. Why should you expose your friends to a potentially horrific relationship? You know your BIL is unfaithful but your in-laws want you to keep that from your friends so he can continue to take advantage without consequences.

I think you did the right thing.” Pleasant_Test_6088

Another User Comments:

“NTJ sounds like you did good and protected your friends, he can go somewhere else. It’s like a job what if you introduce a friend and recommend them for the job, your reputation is on the line then, and same here your friends would never look at you the same if you recommended an unfaithful person to them in any shape or form.” WiseConsequence4005

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There is no way somebody could be expected to passively sit by and allow their friend to get involved with someone like Chris. For the few people saying she is wrong…let’s take this further. OP says nothing, her friend gets involved with him.

He is unfaithful. The friend finds out about his past eventually, and that OP knew and basically threw her to the wolves. That would be a friendship trashed for Chris, and that’s not worth the risk. Maybe he has changed and realized what an awful person he was in the past. Maybe he would be faithful now.

But why on earth would anyone let their friend be the experiment to see if that’s actually true? If he’s really changed, he can go somewhere other than OP’s backyard to find a woman.” Jolly-Bandicoot7162

“I’m 37M. I live with my wife, Jen 37F, and our two kids 13F and 7F.

Last weekend, my wife went out for the day with our oldest daughter, who for this story I will call Emily, while I stayed home with our youngest.

Three hours after they left, I got a call from Emily. She was very upset on the phone and was crying.

She explained that they went to a clothing store together, they split up to look at different sections and now Jen is nowhere to be found and her phone is going to the voicemail. She had asked an employee to make a speaker announcement and no one has come forward, and Jen had been gone for around an hour.

I told Emily not to panic and I came straight down. When I got there, Jen was still gone, and I couldn’t see her car in the parking area. We searched for Jen in the stores that are next door in case she went in one of them, and I also tried to call her.

Around 40 minutes later, Jen calls me and says she is on her way back to the clothing store. I asked where she had been, and she said she drove to another nearby store that she wanted to go to. I asked why she didn’t bring Emily or at least tell her that she was leaving, and she said that she did not expect it to take a long time or for Emily to even notice that she was gone.

Emily has been distraught and avoiding Jen, she is still very upset.

When we got home, Jen and I had an argument as I said that she was irresponsible for going away and leaving Emily in the store without telling her. Jen says I just want to treat Emily like a baby and that she is old enough to be able to be on her own in a store.

I asked Jen why she did not answer her phone and she said she accidentally put it on Do Not Disturb. Jen is angry that I called her irresponsible and says that what she did is nowhere close to being an irresponsible parent.

I know I can be overprotective of my kids but we do live in a high crime area and it makes me very angry that Emily was left feeling scared. Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I might spend too much time here, but it feels like your wife didn’t say anything to your daughter because she wanted to make sure your daughter didn’t ask to tag along. I’m immediately suspicious of what your wife was actually doing.

I can’t imagine being with anyone at a store, leaving and driving to another store, and not telling them. Let alone a freaking CHILD. Forget for a second whether or not she should have left the kid at the store alone. How the BLEEP do you not text them and say, “hey, I’m going to x store, I’ll be back in a bit.” Unless you don’t want to risk them saying, “oh, I’ll come with you.”” little-story-8903

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, although not for the reason you’re stating. Yes, 13 is old enough to be left alone. I went to the mall with my friends at 13, walked down to the library, babysat my little brothers, etc. That is the age at which kids should be starting to gain independence.

The part that’s wrong is leaving her alone without allowing her to make that choice and without telling her it was going to happen. If the mom had said “hey, I’m going to another store down the way” that would make sense. But, the biggest thing you’re missing: literally no one leaves their kid alone for two hours to go to a store “down the street”, and they don’t conveniently put their phone on DnD when they do that.

I think there’s a strong possibility that she’s either being unfaithful to you or (less likely but still possible) meeting a dealer of some sort.” Its_Big_Fungus

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and this has nothing to do with being overprotective. This is just a smokescreen thrown up to obscure your wife’s bad behavior.

Suppose it wasn’t her daughter she took to the store, but a friend. Even for an adult friend, you don’t run out without a word. That’s irresponsible, and a possible friendship-ending offense. Your wife is the jerk, no ifs, ands, or buts.” extinct_diplodocus