People Worry Over Their Etiquette In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

“So here’s a bit of backstory. I (19m) have two siblings, an older brother (25 now) and a twin sister (19 now). I love them both very much and we are a pretty healthy family.

However, quite often while we were out of the house or even in the house, my sister and my brother would team up against me, mock how I walk or stand, purposely annoy me, and go off together and whisper while pointing and laughing at me.

Then if I confront them about it I get in trouble. When I confront them away from my parents, their excuse is that we are siblings and everyone does it. How is that an excuse to mock things I do? If I ever do it to them, they say I made them insecure and I get in trouble.

Now, back to the present. My brother has moved out but my sister and I are still living at home. We decided to go out to the nearest shopping center together to meet up. We were walking around for a while and decided to stop for lunch.

I wanted sushi but they wanted Mexican, so we split up and decided to meet back up at a table. I put my stuff down on the table to reserve it and went to get my food. After I had ordered and got my food I went back to the table and waited for the others.

I couldn’t see the others as the Mexican place was around the other side of the food court. After half an hour, I had finished my sushi and they still hadn’t come. I texted them a couple of times but they didn’t answer. I went around looking for them and found them at another 2 seated table eating their Mexican.

I yelled at them and asked why they didn’t come sit where we planned and they said it was just a joke. I said I had had enough of this and that they had been doing this since we were kids. I told them that this wasn’t a joke and they needed to grow up.

I stormed out of the shopping center, but because my brother had picked us up, I had to get a taxi home.

After my sister got home, she told my parents and I got in trouble for causing a scene when they were just playing a prank.

It’s been a week and neither of my siblings has tried talking to me. AITJ for yelling at them in public over a joke?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ it might have been a joke but it was at your expense and mean. Why do your parents get upset at you calling out their bad behavior?

Doesn’t make sense unless there’s more to the story not included here” maddygirl_nz

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your siblings have been consistently disrespectful and insensitive towards you, and, understandably, you reached a breaking point. Standing up for yourself is okay, and hopefully, they’ll start treating you with more respect.

It’s not about causing a scene but setting boundaries and demanding the consideration you deserve. Don’t let their dismissive attitude make you feel guilty for speaking up.” FlawlessFemmeFable

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your brother is old enough to know better. At least, he should be.

Your parents need to step up to the plate and take your side. You wouldn’t have freaked out if they hadn’t done all those things throughout your life. It doesn’t matter if it’s a joke. If they keep doing it, it shows that they don’t care how they treat you.

This is about them belittling you and dominating you to have power over you. And if your parents laugh you off, too, then I hope it’s a motivation to find a way out. Good luck.” JustMyMindDump

“My (34F) husband (39M) has been in a medically induced coma for 6 days now. The medical team has been running numerous tests trying to figure out what was causing the symptoms leading up to the coma.

It has been an extremely stressful time for all of us, especially with so much unknown at play. My in-laws are very devout Roman Catholics. I am not and when I met my husband (10 years ago) he was beginning to step away from those views/practices.

While we’ve talked about it, he’s never expressed this to his parents for fear of how they’d react. His parents have always (except for the odd microaggression) been respectful of my views.

Until now, as we are all in crisis mode, things have amped up.

Due to our age, these are conversations that we’ve never really had yet (although I wish we had..). My husband has never specially stated that he did not want religious practices as part of a situation like this, and I know it is helping his parents cope so I haven’t stood in the way of things.

But there is one practice I am contemplating putting my foot down on and that is the use of holy water.. they had been using it since the beginning as someone gave them a bottle from the river Jordan (from my searching, a now highly polluted river).

I hadn’t given it much thought at first until one point when his mom wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want to be in the room with him. She thrust the bottle at me and demanded I conduct their ritual. I never got to as once I was back in the room with him I was moved out again as they were conducting another test. When I arrived at the waiting room, one of his aunts had arrived and I stated that it would be better if she did it.

As I handed her the bottle I got a good look at it and noticed there was so much debris floating around inside. This prompted my research. And just with how unknown everything is right now with his condition, I don’t want to take any chances, especially with water that could potentially contain harmful bacteria.

I am stressed beyond belief with this on top of everything because I know deep down it’s not going to go over well.

So that begs the question, would I be the jerk if I put my foot down against the use of holy water while he remains in the coma?”

Another User Comments:

“First, I’m sorry to read about this. Hope they find out what’s going on and help your husband recover. You would not be the jerk – you are the significant other now so it’s going to be your decision, not your in-laws’.

I admire you though for considering how they would feel if you would intervene. Best to share this with the attending physician so he/she can back you up in case they’re going to crucify you for objecting.” The_Jaded_Analyst

Another User Comments:

“I’m inclined to say no jerks here.

I can’t say his parents are jerks for the holy water if they are sprinkling it. I assume they are not making him drink it, but they could be unintentional jerks if they are letting contaminated water get into open skin. I would let his medical team know about it, though.

It will help you avoid being the one to confront them personally. They can also give you peace of mind if the water turns out to be harmless.” lostalldoubt86

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here – I don’t know that this is much of concern as long as they aren’t flinging the stuff over his entire body and potentially getting it in open orifices or wounds.

I applaud your flexibility in allowing them to do this in the first place, and you have valid concerns that need to be addressed with the medical staff. Let the staff be the bad guys here (if that’s the final decision). You need to save your mojo for harder conversations/decisions that have the potential to come up soon.

Hoping for a good outcome for your family.” thatisnotacceptable

“So I’m a music teacher. I have a 30y/o F student. We have 1hr/week online lesson. We started lessons in November.

Some lessons after she was messaging me from different numbers. Said she thinks someone might hack her and constantly changes numbers and formats all her devices so she loses all class material. So I ended up sending everything (from the first to the last lesson) on different numbers every week.

Then she started texting me daily about stuff going on in her life. First times I answered politely but after 2 weeks it started to feel a little much and she was texting me until very late at night and from different numbers. I stopped reading her texts and only contacted her when it was time for the lesson.

Around December it became too much for me to teach this class as she never did any homework and she always stopped the lesson and only wanted to chat. Continued to text me whenever and always requested to resend everything again and again.

I asked to be paid before Christmas for the lessons I had done.

She didn’t pay me. I tried to text her or call her but she had changed numbers. After New Year’s she again texted me from a different number so I finally found her! I asked why she hadn’t paid me. She said “I don’t deal with money, my mother does” and I asked her to talk to her mother about paying me.

(Again, this is a woman in her 30s and I do not know her mother)

Her mother texts me saying she can’t pay me now and she’ll pay me at the end of January. She told me they were in a difficult situation financially.

I understand the difficulties but they had all holidays to pay me and didn’t think about it. Told her it’s okay, when they can afford it they can pay me.

This girl today thought we were gonna have a lesson as usual. I told her I must be paid first. Her mother kept texting me saying why I won’t teach her daughter.

I told her they have issues financially so maybe they should reconsider music lessons also I do not work for free as I am a human too and I have to make ends meet. She doesn’t now understand why I’m doing this and insists that I continue to teach her.

I do not want to! They both are texting me and making me feel like I’m doing something bad to them and they haven’t even paid me!”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is your job, not volunteer work, and you’re a music teacher, not a therapist or a friend.

If you’ve never met her mother and this woman is already using a bunch of different phone numbers, who’s to say her “mother who deals with the money” isn’t just another of her several phone numbers, anyway?” dumpythepumpkin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

Sadly, you’re just going to have to eat the cost. You’ve learned a valuable lesson(s) here. Draw up a contract. You are paid upfront AND if they don’t cancel with 24-hour notice, no refund. Spell out expectations, come to class prepared, and make a copy of the lesson/music to the computer/backup drive.

If you have to send info again either a black mark or a cost to do so.” disney_nerd_mom

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you’re a MUSIC TEACHER, not a therapist. Tricky situation, I would block their numbers & refuse to teach them again.

Just don’t even entertain this nonsense, it sounds like the girl needs some mental help which is outside of your capacity.” Own-Championship-398

“I (F26) live with my dad. This involves a family friend “Delia.” My mom lives out of state.

For Christmas, I asked Delia if she could get me a vacuum since our old one was natty and disgusting.

I sent her the link to the one I wanted. She curtly told me no because she already had my gifts picked out. I asked her if she could buy the vacuum as a gift for my dad instead then since a new vacuum would be perfect for our house.

She became even ruder and said she was not giving my dad a vacuum for Christmas and had his gift already. She got heated, and I stayed polite. I was pretty upset at the rude responses but fair enough- I bought my dad the vacuum myself as a gift.

When we opened our gifts. Delia had gotten me a bunch of stuff from some holy sites she went to on a trip abroad (I’m Catholic) and some headphones. It wasn’t exactly what I’d wanted, but it was nice. I thanked her.

I gave Dad the vacuum and he liked it. Delia gave Dad some custom pins. He oohed and ahhed more than he did for my gift. I’m his darn daughter.

The big issue was over one small item Delia gave me- a rosary from a holy site in Europe.

I already have 2 other rosaries. I thanked her but advised her I planned to give it away as I already had too many rosaries. I asked her permission to give it to my mom instead.

She said it was my gift and I could do whatever I wished, but that maybe I should get my mom a different one since this one was for me.

To be polite, I smiled and told her I’d look into it, but that I wanted to give this one to my mom since I already had more. She shrugged and said okay.

After Christmas, my dad found out about the vacuum and rosary, and blew up pretty badly.

Delia made a dramatic proclamation that she was “tired of [my] rudeness around gifts” and didn’t want to give me any more. I think maybe I could’ve handled it better, but Delia knew what I wanted, could afford it, and instead got me something I didn’t need. People regift all the time, and I was gracious enough to ask her permission.

So AITJ for this?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you don’t direct people – especially people, not your immediate family (parents or partner) on what gifts to give you. You also don’t tell people you don’t want/need their gift and that you’re giving it away.

Those are things you quietly do after the fact and out of their sight. Your dad is a little late to the party for only teaching you these things now when it should have happened when you were much younger but better late than never, I guess.” thatisnotacceptable

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It’s one thing to let someone you know is in your gift-exchanging circle what you might want, but the way you wrote it, you kept pushing Delia about the vacuum; not just for yourself but that she should get it for your father as well, even when she explained that she had gotten personal gifts for the both of you already.

Asking is one thing, nagging is another. You asked Delia if she minded you regifting the personal item she had gotten you and she said it’s your call, but reminded you that it was specifically gotten for you. Can’t see anything wrong with that. Then you are offended that Delia has an issue with giving you gifts.

Well, it does seem to correctly diagnose the issue you just posted about. Gifting is about the thought, not the item. She seems to put a lot of thought into what she gets people. When you get upset with people who are getting you a gift, that seems like jerk behavior to me.

Be grateful that someone cares enough to go to the effort of getting you anything instead of insulted that they are annoyed that their thoughtfulness is not appreciated.” catskilkid

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You were very rude. You are 26 years old so if you want a vacuum, you go and buy it.

Gifts are just that. You don’t get to dictate what people give you as a gift, if you do then it is not a gift but an obligation. I don’t care that Delia knew what you wanted and could afford it. So what? She doesn’t owe you the vacuum and acting like she does is just childish.

Buy your stuff.” Creepy_Minimum666

“My roommate (40M) and I (36M) were recently invited to our friend’s (34F) birthday party at a karaoke lounge with private rooms with her friends and family. We asked her how much it would cost and what time the party started. She told us it would be $10/person and the party started at 11 pm.

That time was already pretty late for a party to start but late was the only time she could get a room at the karaoke lounge.

A few days later it’s time for the party. Roommate and I arrive at the lounge about 20 minutes late, as well as 2 of her friends, and we check in to see which room is for us.

The attendant tells us the room is reserved for midnight to 2 AM. So now we’re not late, but early. This new information was never communicated to us, but apparently, it was communicated to the rest of the group. So there we are, 40 minutes early. Luckily, it’s a lounge so we order drinks while we wait, but I’m annoyed because this isn’t the first time she doesn’t communicate important info to me.

The party went pretty well from there, and we all had a good time. Days later she thanked us both in a message and gave us Venmo information so we could send her money for the room. Then she said it was now $33/person. Keep in mind that drinks and food were not included in the original price.

We each paid for our refreshments, as expected. My roommate asked, “What happened to the $10/person?” My friend said it was because the room total was $428 for the room rental divided by 13 people who attended, which came out to $33/person, which was not information she had disclosed previously.

I also know several people didn’t show, which would have lowered each individual’s cost.

I told my friend I was not going to pay her 3+ times the amount she had previously stated. When she asked why, I told her that it was because that’s not what she originally told us to expect and that she was now asking for triple what she had originally told us, which didn’t seem fair to me and anyone else.

I also told her that I was annoyed she didn’t update me and the others about the actual time the room was booked for. Ultimately, I paid her $20 for the room rental, and she agreed.

I told her that this was creating tension and that she needed to work on her communication skills and entitlement issues/double standards for expectations.”

Another User Comments:

“This lady has some serious audacity. Asking other people to pay for your birthday party, changing the time, and then increasing the fee to go to the party is crazy. You are NTJ.” Joe-Stapler

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I wouldn’t have paid her more than the original $10.” [deleted]

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s her birthday, she should’ve paid for the room.” Emotional_Bonus_934

“I (20F) have been with my fiancé (20M) “Alan” for 4.5 years. Alan has an older sister “Kristine” (23F), and both parents (FFIL/FMIL). Alan’s family likes to go on vacation every/every other year, usually on a cruise through touristy islands in NA.

In 2020, before we had even been together for a year, I was invited on a cruise with them to Puerto Rico, and I (16 then) managed to get all the funds together within 2 weeks, but the trip was canceled due to health restrictions.

In 2022, when my fiancé graduated high school, they went on a cruise as a family and I was not invited, and was asked to dogsit for them. This year is the first year I will be able to go with them in the summer of 2024.

Kristine (currently single) usually has 3-6 month relationships, and her partners have always been welcome on vacations regardless of how long they’ve been together. This makes me angry, as I have been with Alan for longer than any of them, and yet was still not invited. This brings me to today:

Having talked about a cruise back in November of 2023, I just reminded them I would not like for it to be over my birthday (late June) and would rather it be in July. They agreed, and since it was a long way out, we did not mention it again.

Apparently (as I found out today), FFIL had booked the tickets in December but did not include me in the booking (even though I was invited by them directly in November).

Either I pay an extra $2,000 for a room across the ship and find someone else to join, or I don’t go.

That’s kind of where we’re at. I am angry that I was asked directly, and was excited about the trip, but was not included. Alan is conflicted about what to do, and is trying to convince his parents to refund the tickets and rebook it with me included (after I bothered him for 2 hours to fix this).

I would pay for my portion of the trip, which I do not mind (and I expected to do anyway), I just feel extremely disrespected by being asked to join and then not being booked because “I didn’t badger them enough to remember to add me in”.

I didn’t even know they had booked the tickets, considering it is still 6 months out, and FFIL/FMIL does not want to change their bookings. AITJ for being angry at being excluded for this?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but let’s be real OP? Why would you want to shell out so much money to go on vacation with people who don’t like you or at the very least don’t care if their actions hurt you?

I know this may be brutal but they don’t care about you despite you being engaged to their son. Honestly, even if you do get to go it sounds like a nightmare vacation. Skip this one and go somewhere nice with your fiance, just the two of you, with the money you save.

Don’t do them any more favors though. No house sitting, dog sitting, collecting their mail, etc. They can sort out their stuff! If you wanna continue to be in this relationship grow a thicker skin because you aren’t gonna change these people. They will only get worse!” Timely_Zombie4153

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for being upset. That being said, everything you wrote indicates they do not want you to vacation with them and your fiance will not stick up for you. As a parent, if I ask a partner to go along on vacation with us I wouldn’t forget that when I booked the tickets a month later.

I especially would not forget a fiance. This was done on purpose. I know that hurts to hear, but it is better to see there are issues now than after you marry. And these issues won’t go away once you exchange rings. I do wish you luck and hope you examine your relationship with your fiance and his family.” HistoricalHat3054

“I, 23f, was invited to my partner’s, 21f, house for dinner by her mother. I get along well with them even though we have different views on certain things but I just don’t bring it up and ignore the comments that they usually make.

To clarify, I am a Puerto Rican woman and am very proud of my culture. I understand that where I live (rural area), they don’t necessarily know my culture and just assume that I have the same culture as Mexicans. Anyway, my partner asked me to bring pastel to the dinner since her mom wanted to try it.

She knows I spent hours making it by myself and wanted her mom to try something Puerto Rican. I brought 2 pairs of them just in case the family didn’t like it and cooked it. When I was explaining to her family what it was, they first said that the Malanga (taro root) that I used to make the masa looked weird and that it would give them nightmares.

I just told them that it’s a root and that many different cultures use it in their food and do not know it until they try it. When the pasteles were done, I unwrapped them in front of them and explained how to eat them and to not eat the banana leaf.

Immediately, they said it looked disgusting and that they were going to throw up just looking at it. The mom was telling them to stop which I appreciated but I explained to them that this was eaten a lot in Puerto Rico and that it takes a labor of love to make this dish.

My partner said that she wasn’t fond of it and her family started to say “No wonder, look at it! Who eats that” I tried to not let it get to me but I just felt really bad for bringing it or making it and I didn’t know what else to do other than just say that it’s good and she should at least try it.

Some hesitated but ended up trying and liking it but some other family members just didn’t try it at all. I haven’t brought it up to my partner cause I don’t want to if I am just overreacting but I just want to know if I am.

I haven’t talked to my family about it yet and I’m not sure if I should. WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Did your partner, at any time, defend you and the effort you went through to make a dish THAT SHE REQUESTED you bring?

Do you realize the family comes along with the partner? It sounds like she set you up for failure and, instead of jumping it to head off her disrespectful and ignorant family, had the temerity to say that she doesn’t like the dish. That she asked you to make.” CrankyWife

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Those are incredibly rude, obnoxious, and disgusting people. Your partner asked you to bring the dish and did nothing to prevent them from disparaging your thoughtful cooking. No decent person would ever be so rude to a guest in their home.

They are missing out on an opportunity to sample a different cuisine. I love trying all kinds of unusual (to me) dishes. I don’t always like all of them but I appreciate the effort and skill that goes into making them. I would be appalled at anyone reacting the way they did.

Your partner did not pass the good manners or loyalty test.” squirrelsareevil2479

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. These people have terrible manners. your partner included- I don’t know why she didn’t shut any of this down. You deserved better. Pasteles aren’t even weird-looking.

Here I was expecting you to say that they ate them with ketchup or something and it started a fight (this may sound insane but I have a lot of Boricua friends and I’ve heard things). These people sound like they’re motivated solely by xenophobia.” DecentDilettante

“My fiancé has a 13 y/o girl that although she is not his biological daughter, he looks at her as his daughter because he’s been in her life so long.

When we first got together we spent plenty of time together, I’ve always gotten her things and went out of my way on special days to include her. I noticed that if we saw her in public and she asked him for money but he didn’t have change or something, I would go in my purse and give it to her and she would respond with “thank you Daddy” as if it didn’t come from me, she would get in our car and not speak to me, she attempted to steal 2 iPhones from me, etc. I have continued to “try” to bond with her but nothing seems to have been good enough for him.

He says I’ve ruined their relationship because she doesn’t feel comfortable asking to come over and they used to spend every day together before he met me.

Backstory: I have simply requested that he clean the house before we have any company, her included. Day-to-day cleaning is all on me, I’m expected to do it and he never helps UNLESS he has plans for her to come over, then he gets up with ease and cleans the whole house with no problem.

Just asking him to do it has never been enough. So on days where he is cleaning and I know it’s only because he wants her to come over, I don’t help. He expects me to be eager to get up and help him as soon as he starts which I don’t think is fair.

Your company, your responsibility to make sure the house is clean. He has never disciplined her, or held her accountable with consequences for her actions, but has no problem disciplining my 5 y/o (from a previous relationship.)

I also feel like she only comes around when she’s asking for something or “gift-giving” occasions are close.

This makes me not want her around even more bc I can’t stand to have ppl in my space who I feel are always looking for an opportunity to get something out of me. So recently I have completely washed my hands of the situation and decided that I have 3 kids of my own, I cannot spend that much energy trying to “prove” to someone else’s child that I “like” them.

My fiancé says I’m the jerk for not continuing to do all the things I’ve done in the past (because of the lack of gratitude, appreciation, and reciprocation from both of them).”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I would suggest you reevaluate your choices and the fiancé… do you really wanna marry him and be stuck with his behavior for the rest of your life?

Or at least until divorce that’ll happen if you have this much resentment right now. His relationship with his “daughter” will not improve and if anything she’ll start asking for bigger things and if you marry the man that’ll impact you too.

It’s not too late to dump him and tell him your reasons so he might realize that his behavior is not normal at all.” ThisEnvironment6627

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you’ve made a good faith effort and gone above and beyond. She isn’t your kid, and if she doesn’t appreciate what you are doing, then you should have a clear conscience in no longer doing anything whatsoever – especially given that you have no legal responsibilities for her.

Your fiance’s attitude is very troubling – are you sure it’s not a red flag?” Proof_Option1386

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. OP – why does this man have any disciplinary control over your son? He’s immature. Your partner is a slacker, selfish and irresponsible.

You need to sort yourselves out before marriage, otherwise it will be a mess. As for HIS daughter – you have already done enough. It’s not on you to make up for his failures as a parent, and soon enough it will all be her problem anyway.

He seems to be blaming you for his own crappy choices. You may have been present, but all that is on him. Stop being a convenient scapegoat – call out that nonsense.” Ozludo

“We’ve been seeing each other for like 8 months now and have known each other for over a year.

I’m 27 and she’s 23. I work full-time as a surgical nurse, and she’s still a student.

We spend most of our together time at my apartment since she lives with her parents and I live alone.

But we hang out at her place too, I have a pretty friendly relationship with her parents.

Now since we spend most of the time at my place, and I’m the one working and earning money, I take care of paying for stuff we do or buy together.

I never even thought about it, for me, it’s a normal thing. I don’t mind it at all. But we do cook for us a lot and well let’s just say 99% of the time it’s me who cooks.

Even when we meet in the evening after my 12-hour shift, when she’s home with her parents all day, I’m the one cooking dinner.

And at some point, I realized that dishes just always kinda stay there, and then she leaves the next morning and I do the dishes and clean up the kitchen. I make the bed, clean up the bedroom, etc.

And I don’t know if I’m being a jerk but in my mind, I just thought for a second that I’m cooking, paying for everything, cooking what she wants to eat that day.

Why wouldn’t she at least help with the dishes? So I kinda mentioned it casually when cooking. I just said something like “It would be amazing if you could help with the dishes after!” And she was like sure yes but then again same scenario she didn’t even touch them.

One time she cooked, I helped her with most of it and then I did all the dishes telling her I was gonna go clean up since she cooked and it was amazing food! But yeah not much changed after. Then one morning I told her that the dishes were still there and she promised she would do them.

And she ends up all angry about it.

So AITJ for asking this of her? Is it too soon in a relationship or is it a jerk thing to ask of her?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Your partner needs to become your ex just for playing the “sexist” card at you.

She is too immature and has no concept of how healthy partnerships work. If she respected you and valued the meals you cooked, she would be going out of her way to help out or contributing otherwise.” Buttersgood

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You shouldn’t have had to ask.

Your partner should have stepped up after the first time you did though. One person cooks, and the other does the dishes is a fair general rule. These are the sorts of things that need to be resolved if you’re thinking of living with her full-time.

Laziness & not pulling her weight are potential big red flags.” Apart-Ad-6518

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your partner acts like a child. What I might do in this case is start setting expectations, chores one of them would be dishes. If she’s been home all day and you’re coming off your 12-hour shift, encourage her to get her behind in the kitchen and help… in other words teach her how to cook.

It’s a sad reality when basic life skills aren’t being taught or used. A relationship is a 2 way street and not everything is on your shoulders simply because you’re becoming more established in your career and she’s still in college.” many_hobbies_gal

“My (23F) partner Grace (28F) and I have recently purchased a home. When we moved in four months ago, we were visited by the neighbor across the street, Rob (50s/M).

He was visibly uncomfortable and awkward while speaking to us, but was polite overall.

I didn’t think much of it until the next time he came over to our house. He approached Grace while she was figuring out a new electric lawnmower, and asked her if she “had ever mowed a lawn before,” and if she “knows how photosynthesis works.” He also asked if Grace remembered his name despite our meeting only once briefly.

Grace responded “Yes, I’ve mowed lots of lawns before, this is just a new lawnmower and I’m figuring it out. Remind me of your name?” Rob just said “Now I’m upset” and stormed off.

I thought the interaction was weird since Grace is extremely polite.

I assumed the conversation was misunderstood and moved on.

A few months go by without hearing from Rob, and I notice a truck starts parking in our driveway to drop Rob off from work. Rob and Coworker sit and talk for up to 20 minutes sometimes.

I’m uncomfortable with this since nobody asked to use our drive, but I let it go after Grace assured me it wasn’t a big deal.

Tonight, when Grace was bringing home dinner after dark, he approached Grace while she was exiting her vehicle and yelled “I don’t mean to scare you!”

Which scared her. He launched into a story about how he finally has a truck from work, but his driveway has walls and an incline; it’s too narrow for him to exit the truck. He asked Grace if he could park his truck in our driveway after work.

We only have one car, but have 2 gravel driveways that can fit 3-5 vehicles between them. There’s no street parking on our road, but there are a couple of lots nearby/within walking distance. We often have guests over for game nights and such, and usually fill the driveway up during those days.

Grace asked him how long he would need the driveway, and he said “indefinitely, it won’t fit anywhere else.” She let him park for the night and told him we would talk it over and get back to him.

I’m worried about liability issues and that I don’t know or trust Rob.

I think he’s weird and impolite, and I’m worried he will take advantage of us. Grace says telling him yes is the neighborly thing to do, and that I am being overly suspicious and critical of Rob. WIBTJ if I said no to Rob?”

Another User Comments:

“WNBTA If he can’t fit his truck in his driveway, then he should have bought a truck that fits. It’s your driveway and you have every right to decline. You don’t even need to give him an explanation, but if you want to, just explain that you have friends over regularly who need to park in the driveway.” ValuablePresence20

Another User Comments:

“NTJ — do NOT let him start parking there. He knew the size of his driveway when he got his vehicle. If you keep letting him park in your driveway, it could be an issue if he doesn’t understand boundaries. My parent has a neighbor who doesn’t understand boundaries to the point of taking the rocks they had for their flower beds because “they’re just rocks” they legit just took my parent’s flower bed lol and they had to go to his house to get their rocks back.

They finally had to call a lawyer for no contact because the guy just would not stop taking things from their property.” ClovenBoots

Another User Comments:

“NTJ in any way shape or form. Bottom line it is your property and you can do with it as you want.

You do mention that there is no parking on the street so you would need your driveway for guest parking. It is his truck so his issue is to resolve. It is not your worry. You (and your partner) are free to do as you wish.” Evergreen005

“My son (30yr), DIL (31yr), and two grandchildren (4yr and 2yr) are being evicted from their home. They had some serious financial setbacks that occurred back to back and got behind on their rent. My DIL’s sister (37yr) and her adult child (19yr), had to move in with them due to her losing her home back in October 2023.

During the time that the sister and adult child have lived with them the sister has not contributed financially at all and has been spending the money that she makes from her low-paying job frivolously, she frequently posts on social media about her purchases (she is quitting her job and taking a two-week vacation in Florida to see her partner and her other child), her adult child does not work or help out around the house at all.

So now that my son, DIL, and grandchildren are being evicted, my son asked if he could move in with me, I of course am willing to help them, and then he springs on me that the sister and adult child need to move in too.

(Side note, I had discussed with my son knowing that there was a possibility of them being evicted that the sister-in-law was not going to be able to move in too). I live in a 3-bedroom townhouse with a finished basement (that is a “great room”).

One of the bedrooms is my office which I need due to being in nursing school. So essentially I have the basement and one extra bedroom.

The main reason why I cannot allow the sister-in-law to move in is that this person has not shown that she is actually trying to get her life together and has repeatedly shown how irresponsible she is, her plans are all over the place with no actual plan, also I rent the home I live in.

I have an amazing landlord, who would allow my son and family to move in but not two other adults. My son seems to think that it’s my responsibility to take them in and is angry with me now because I won’t allow it and that I’m being mean by not letting them come live with me too.

He is telling me that he can’t just let them live on the streets and they will all just go to a hotel and figure it out, that they are his family and I guess I’m supposed to consider them mine, which I do, but where is the line drawn between what’s my concern and what isn’t?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Instead of being grateful for your saving him and his family, he’s angry. Don’t be a doormat. Hold that boundary. You can’t save everyone. Have you mentioned the Florida trip to him? How dare he expect you to let two freeloaders invade your house.” wordsmythy

Another User Comments:

“No wonder your son is getting evicted. He couldn’t afford them either. NTJ. Tell them you talked to the landlord and he said no. Whatever you have to tell them. She is not your family PERIOD. I’m sure you can’t afford to take on 2 families.

He is trying to pull on your heartstrings saying he will get a motel. Tell him you are sorry but I guess they will need to find a motel. It may kill you but he doesn’t have the right to give you an ultimatum.

It’s amazing to me that people asking for help just take and take and take. He has overstepped” No_Tough3666

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t let these unrelated adults into your house under any circumstances. They will never leave. If she’s in such dire straits, she can cancel her FL trip or move in with her partner.

And since your son seems to believe you owe all and sundry a roof over their heads, have a very firm talk with him and his wife before they move in. Set appropriate rent, an agreed due date, boundaries on what areas are off-limits, and a visitor policy.

Also an estimated move-out date. Enforce the rules so he knows he can’t walk all over you.” Ok_hon

“In September my ex-wife Regina started a new job that prevents her from dropping off our nine-year-old daughter Cassie at school in the morning during her parenting weeks.

I agreed to allow Cassie to be dropped off at my house on her way to work. I also get her on the bus when it comes by at 8:30 am.

The problem is that Regina has been dropping her off at 6 am in the mornings which interrupts my sleep.

They knock on the front door upon arrival and I come to open it. I then go back to sleep on the couch in the living room while Cassie also sleeps on the other couch. We both sleep until my usual wake-up time at 8 am.

However, the sleep disruption is enough to make me tired during my workday.

​

I’ve requested that Cassie come in using the key that I gave her. That would at the very least not force me to get out of bed and walk to unlock the door, which fully wakes me up and makes it difficult to fall back asleep.

I will still know when Cassie comes in the door because I sleep right next to it and can hear her enter. My ex-wife refuses to make that concession and insists that they knock on the door, wake me up, and expect me to open the front door to let her in.

Regina says that it takes Cassie too long to use the key and it’s so cold outside. She also complained that I take too long to get to the door, leaving them out in the cold for longer than they want to be. She said that I should be “watching her” anyway (meaning she expects me to stay fully awake after 6 am) and that this is easier on me than going to Regina’s apartment to pick up Cassie and go back to my house.

I think Regina’s viewpoint is ridiculous. I am providing free child care during her parenting weeks. If I didn’t open my home for Cassie to stay in the morning, she would have to go to a paid daycare center. I think Cassie is old enough that she should know how to use a key and regulate herself enough to be independent while I’m asleep.

With the both of us sleeping in the living room, it’s no different from any nighttime during my parenting weeks so I don’t think I must be fully awake at 6 am.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“Your ex-wife can get out of her car for a minute and help your daughter open the door since your daughter is supposedly too incompetent to open a locked door in a timely fashion and it’s so cold outside.

I roll my eyes. My god, the woman knocks on your door! She is right there, does she not know how to use a key? Your ex-wife should be glad you are taking your daughter in at that hour for her convenience. Which you are glad to do.

But messing with your sleep cycle is unnecessary. You don’t have to be awake and functioning every minute your daughter is in your house. NTJ. And if your ex can’t work with you, you can tell her to make other arrangements for child care that would cost her money on her custody time.” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I do think you are being a pushover. If your ex is dropping her off at 6 am and your child is going back to sleep, what time is she being woken up? You are also having her every night after school, then your child is being shuffled back to her mom’s to go to sleep.

This must be very disruptive for her! Can you look at changing your agreement so she visits Mom on the weekend and you have her every weeknight? This would be much more stable for your child. I don’t think it’s fair on a 9-year-old to be dropped off fully clothed to sleep on a sofa for 2 hours every morning, you didn’t make this situation, but you could do more to solve it.” Repulsive_State_7399

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. These are her parenting weeks, so it’s her problem to solve. You have graciously agreed to open your home in the mornings and get your daughter on the bus to school. If that is not sufficient, then Regina needs to find an alternate morning daycare that can get her to school.” ParsimoniousSalad

“I can’t have kids, and it’s been a thing I’ve dealt with my whole life. When I was in my late teens, I had this issue (not gonna get into details) and had to get both my testicles removed. Now, I’ve got these prosthetics and am on hormonal replacement therapy.

I generally don’t openly share this as I feel it’s a personal matter. The only ones who know the details are my parents and my wife. She learned about it when we started seeing each other because I prefer to be upfront. Fortunately, she’s always been very understanding.

Having children was never a priority for her, and since I can’t, it’s worked out well for both of us.

However, since we got married, a few things have become a bit uncomfortable. The first two years were fine, but recently, it seems like a switch has flipped in the minds of people we know.

Almost everyone now asks us, ‘When are you gonna have kids?’ We usually respond that it’s not in our plans and try to steer the conversation elsewhere. However, some individuals are persistently annoying, saying things like ‘Oh, but you guys need to’ or ‘You’ll never be complete without kids.’ It’s starting to bother me quite a bit.

So, last week during a meeting with a couple of friends, someone brought up the topic. Admittedly, I was already having a rough day, and when they asked about us having kids, I, against my better judgment, just said, ‘Well, never. I can’t have kids.

I’m sterile, don’t even have testicles. So, if you could kindly stop bothering us about it, I’d appreciate it.”

As you can imagine, that comment soured the mood for the entire evening. People got very upset and uncomfortable, to the point where both my wife and I decided to leave.

I apologized to my wife, who seemed unbothered, claiming ‘They had it coming,’ but I’m aware that people in our friend group have been talking behind our backs. They say I was rude and acted like a jerk, insisting that they couldn’t have known, and were just looking out for us.

Now, I do feel like a jerk for the way I spoke; I could have communicated more civilly, especially for my wife’s sake. She enjoys meeting our friends, and I doubt it will happen much shortly until this blows over.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Not rude at all.

Whether or not you can father children is your story to tell and no one else’s. Nothing wrong with someone asking you once when you’re going to have kids, but when they persist, it’s rude and crossing a boundary. Hopefully, you have shut them down and won’t hear any more about it.

If people in your “friend” group are gossiping about you behind your back, then that shows you how much of a “friend” they are. Choose friends wisely.” FloMoJoeBlow

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your wife was right. People who push and push and push deserve what they get.

Think of it this way. They’re asking for details of your private life. “Hey, when are you going to have kids? Is your wife ovulating? Are you going to be intimate soon?” Not in so many words, but when they don’t shut up, that’s what they’re insinuating.

As long as you and your wife are unbothered, just move along. Next time you meet these people, I guarantee, the last thing they will be bothering you with is your procreation efforts. “So, how about that game last night?” will be as personal as they get.” FuzzyMom2005

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If someone’s going to be a jerk about people deciding not to have kids, to the point they make a couple unable to have kids together uncomfortable, especially the guy who is sterile, then they deserve to be made as uncomfortable as possible with that.

If they didn’t want to know, they should have dropped it as soon as you said that you didn’t plan on having kids the first time. They were not looking out for you.” Clueingforbeggs

“I very well could be wrong here, idk. 31f and I have a substance use problem. I’ve been engaging heavily since I was 13 when my brother passed away. In December 2021, I decided I wanted to take control of my life and I quit. My husband was super supportive at that time and despite me never asking him to, he stopped as well.

He’s not an addict but he did have issues (not knowing limits when he did engage or making stupid decisions that even I wouldn’t have made). So, we both stopped together, and again, I never asked him to do this.

Well, we moved back to his hometown 2 months ago and he started again, socially.

I have no issue with this. I simply didn’t want it in the house and he agreed to that. He could even sit out in our garage and engage and I wouldn’t care. I just physically do not want it in the house. I don’t want to see it because it is still hard for me.

But there have been 2-3 separate occasions where he will walk inside with an open container and just set it down on the counter forget about it and go open another in the garage, leaving his full container on the counter. And I messed up one night and I had one.

It was 2 weeks ago. It was at that point that I fully realized I would never be able to engage, even in moderation, because that one container started what I could only describe as a “frenzy”. I wanted more and was immediately angry that I didn’t have more.

So I talked to my husband about it and he apologized and said he would be more mindful and not bring it near the house and all went back to normal. But last night he showed up with his buddy and he had a container with him.

Set it next to the TV when he went to the bathroom (I was watching TV). He then went outside, leaving it inside. So, I dumped it. As I was dumping it, he came inside and asked me why I was dumping his last container and that he “only left it for 2 seconds”.

I told him from now on, anything brought into this house will be dumped and if he can’t respect my one request, he can leave (I own the house). I’m not spiraling because of him. Respect it or go. He says I’m being overdramatic.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It may not be his “problem” that you have a substance use problem, but he’s your husband. Any husband worth having would care more about helping keep you sober and acknowledging your triggers or where you might slip. This platform has a bug up its backside where “you’re responsible for your sobriety!!!!!!” and it’s true, but this is you ensuring you are in control of your sobriety.

You shouldn’t need to worry about coming across open containers in your own home. Like… I’ve lived with a recovering addict I wasn’t related to or entangled with romantically, and I had no issue keeping my occasional glass of wine out of the home. It’s a considerate, human thing to do.

For the same reason I wouldn’t bring a cat into the home of someone who is allergic, I’m not bringing substances into the home of an addict.” notmappedout

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Massive kudos to you for quitting an addiction that started in the wake of a tragic loss & then took hold.

As your edit says, you being a (recovering) addict is not his problem. However, his bringing substances into your space for you is. I’m probably going to get massively downvoted for this. But…you have committed yourself to a life without substances or the ruination of addiction.

Your husband appears to be on a different path. You have a right to live free from the shackles of addiction & be happy. That may mean difficult decisions & leaving your husband. I hope you make the right choice for you & good luck, whatever that choice is.” Apart-Ad-6518

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, He broke his word and is showing little care for your health as well as being dismissive and deflecting when he knows he’s in the wrong. This situation is one where either the issue gets resolved, or he doubles down. I would wait and see which he chooses but if you live with an active addict it’s going to drag you back down into it.

So there’s a lot at stake here.” LunaticBZ

“I (17m) am tired of hearing about my parents’ financial problems, we’re an immigrant family and only my mom works for all the bills while my dad is still in uni. I have a small part-time job that’s pretty far but it was a desperate hire to make any sort of money.

I get the job to stop burdening my parents because I knew they couldn’t buy me the things I wanted, but every time I get a new job they make it seem as though I’m the new provider, asking me to buy things and never paying me back, and when I don’t have money they make me out to be the bad guy for spending my money.

Recently I purchased a new laptop for $300 because I’ll be starting college soon, and they’re mad because they think I’m so smart and guaranteed a million scholarships that can pay for all those things. They claim it was a bad purchase because I could have used that money towards gas for the car or helping with rent, mind you they brought up these problems that I was not aware of until after I got a job, which leads me to wonder what they would’ve done if I never had a job in the first place.

I don’t want to work for them, that’s not why I got a job, and they say the rent will be my problem as well if we get evicted.

I don’t know what else to do, I can’t back talk or they will talk trash about me, and I feel hopeless living just waiting out the months until graduation.

I’m grateful for already getting accepted to colleges but I have no idea how to escape them, I just wish they didn’t shame me for spending my money when they also spend money on useless decorations around the house (my mom is always ordering things from Temu, yet it’s my fault when I “waste” money).

I really don’t like how they are coming to me when they are constantly sending money back home to other strangers who would never help us like we help them. Once again I just feel hopeless and I think they are waiting until I turn 18 to fully make me pay bills, but I’m planning to move out.

They say “you’re still going to need us when you’re an adult” but their own relatives rely on them instead of the other way around. Idk that’s all I have to say, I’m tired of getting an earful for their mistakes and blaming me for them and I don’t care to give them sympathy anymore.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ eye on the prize kiddo – you’ll be out in just a few short months so focus on that. You can either just flat out refuse to give them anything ( they complain either way) or figure out an amount you can give them so you can help but keep the money to save.

In the meantime start finalizing plans to move out and doing a budget since you’ll be on your own. Don’t look back, just keep moving.” Ok_Homework8692

Another User Comments:

“You are in a difficult situation. Try not to let it destroy your relationship with your family.

Maybe, if you could determine how they budget and what their needs are you would be able to decide what is fair or unfair. I am not sure if your parents would have a conversation about budgeting with you, probably not, but I would try if I were you.

That way you would be able to make valid decisions about how to proceed in the future.” Wally365

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re doing the right thing telling them off and being ready to leave. Free. e your credit asap, if you can, so they don’t take out debt in your name and defraud you.” AdamOnFirst

“My partner (f29) and I (m29) were going to host Thanksgiving dinner last year, we had everything planned and we invited our closest family members (her parents, my parents, my siblings, and my sister’s family). Unfortunately, we had some health issues concerning my partner’s pregnancy, even though she was 31 weeks pregnant just a few days before Thanksgiving, she had to have an emergency C-section.

I won’t go into too much detail with that since it’s irrelevant, but the thing is that we canceled dinner, my partner and our baby had to be in the hospital for a bit.

My partner and I decided to just stay home during Christmas and New Year’s Eve dinner too, as she was still recovering from the surgery and we honestly didn’t feel like doing much.

However, since she’s feeling better now she thought that it would be a good idea to have a family dinner now, to make up for all of our missed holidays this year.

Long story short, we planned a dinner for yesterday. My partner and I are vegan, usually, she doesn’t mind too much being around cooked meat, but we prefer to not have it in our home.

My sister (35) is married and has two kids (both boys under 10).

My partner and I cooked for everyone, and when our families came, my sister’s husband asked where the real food was after we told them what we’d cooked (all vegan dishes). My partner is a little oversensitive still, so I took my family aside and kindly asked them to not make any harsh comments like that.

They said they’d be careful and my sister’s husband apologized.

However, as I was finishing cooking some of our food, someone rang the bell. My sister said “Oh, it must be the delivery for the kids” and yeah, it was. She had ordered fried chicken for her kids since they surely wouldn’t like what my partner and I cooked. That caused a big argument between me and my sister since she didn’t tell me that she was ordering chicken (which I wouldn’t have allowed).

The discussion escalated and I ended up asking my sister and her family to leave, after that my parents also got upset with me and they left as well. We ended up having dinner just with my in-laws and my brother.

I feel like I did something wrong because now my parents or sister don’t want to talk to me unless I apologize for “being an extremist”, but I was only trying to keep my partner comfortable and happy in her own house.

I need different POVs here, please”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m a happy omnivore and love some good fried chicken, but when I go visit my vegan aunt I don’t order KFC to her house. And yes, I have a small child under ten, so I’m aware of what they prefer to eat.

Guess what he eats when we visit my aunt? Vegan food. Vegetables are good for him, and if he’s not having it we can hit up a drive-through on the way home. Oh, the horror of not having meat for *one meal*! It is so, so easy to be decent guests by just respecting the house rules of the people you are visiting.

If you can’t handle that, then don’t visit them. Simple. Unless you and your partner spontaneously became vegans last week without telling anybody, your dinner party fare should have been no surprise and their ill-manners were uncalled for.” Trilobyte141

Another User Comments:

“NTJ People can eat vegan for ONE meal. You do NOT go to someone’s house as a guest, criticize and insult them.

And bring food into that home without permission that you know they don’t eat. If her sons’ had tried it and disliked it, they could have asked to order something else. Or, they could have fed them after. But their behavior was rude from start to finish.” Cursd818

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Anyone who orders a takeaway at their dinner host’s home is automatically a rude jerk. Her children need to know that they won’t love every meal they’re served, but they should at least give it a taste. If they didn’t enjoy it, she could have taken them for a takeaway later.

Your BIL needs a lesson in manners as well.” TemptingPenguin369

“I (20m) live with my partner (21f) and 2 roommates (21f) and (25m). Back in June I and my partner brought up the idea of having a roommate to help out with the cost of rent while also upgrading the living space. The only reason we decided to get a roommate was because I wasn’t sure when I would start this new, higher-paying job and cause she doesn’t make much as a teacher.

Sure enough, the day after we signed the lease I got my job start date. I make enough money to live happily enough as a 20-year-old can and I make about double the rent in my month’s pay. So when my first roommate, let’s call her Sam, moved in (the other 21f) I told her to not worry about the first month and just find a job first. She has a background in food management and has a good-looking resume so I wasn’t worried about it.

Instead of her going back to managing a fast food place she started getting into scammy pyramid schemes and was making almost no money. This kept happening for a few months until just recently she got a retail job. She’s been there a month now but when the rent came up she said she only had $20 in her account.

We started the lease in July and she hasn’t paid more than $100 towards the rent total since the start of the lease.

Recently her partner (25m) moved in with us which I was cool with since he got a job when he moved in and is starting to help out with rent.

Now Sam has been getting an attitude with me for not helping out around the apartment. I work longer hours so when I get home I like to relax. And when we as a household go places she gets annoyed about the music I play and the way I drive (I’ve never gotten into an accident or gotten a ticket) she’s also argued with me once when I invited her over to my parent’s house for a family dinner.

So am I in the wrong when I don’t do the dishes or vacuum the living room or don’t do other chores?

My partner isn’t a confrontational person and doesn’t like to get in the middle of things like this. But I pay 3/4s of the rent AND pay for groceries and utilities.

I’d just like to say I’m not a messy person I just don’t like doing chores on my days off when it’s not me who made the mess.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I understand your point but I would almost give you an E S H for one aspect of this.

If the expectation is that you will pay the higher portion of rent, bills, and utilities for a time and the two people who are not paying those things will do “your share” of the household chores, that needs to be stated and formalized. It is a discussion to have now with all parties who should either come to an agreement or make other living arrangements.

Once everyone is paying rent, you should be pulling your weight and contributing. I don’t care if you are tired from work.” LadyCass79

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But this “when my first roommate, let’s call her Sam, moved in (the other 21f) I told her to not worry about the first month and just find a job first” attitude may make you feel good or generous, but you will attract the type of person you attracted, the type of person who takes this kindness as an invitation to not pay their fair share.

Now you’re stuck with a nonpaying tenant who also makes messes she doesn’t clean. Check tenancy laws in your area and do what you legally can to get rid of the problem tenant (and if that means her decent bf goes as well, you can find someone else).” TemptingPenguin369

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, but why are you putting up with this nonsense? Your mistake obviously, was giving them a pass on the”first month’s” rent. Give people an inch and they’ll take a mile. I’m still wondering though how TF your DRIVING has ANYTHING to do with your roomies or any of these grievances.” CalendarDad

“We’re currently on a skiing holiday in France with our three children (11,9,6). The 11 and 9-year-old are in one ski class, and the 6-year-old is in another class.

This morning I dropped 11 and 9 off at ski school on time – the instructor gave them their ski school bib and told them to go up the magic carpet lift to meet the rest of the class.

They got in the lift queue and I said goodbye, as I have every morning. My wife and I went skiing and came back at lunchtime to pick them up. (EDIT – there’s a main instructor at the bottom of the lift handing out the bibs and then their group instructors wait at the top of the lift. But about 100 kids are trying to get up one tiny carpet lift in the space of about 5 minutes).

11 and 9 were there waiting for us and when I found them 11 burst into tears. Took a while to understand what had happened but it turned out the instructor wasn’t there at the top of the lift when they got there. They waited for 15 minutes and asked another instructor who said ‘You’re not in my group so I can’t help you’.

Realising they’d been left behind they skied down to the bottom of the nursery run and went to the ski locker room (they knew the code in case they got lost). They dropped off their skis and went to the reception of our aparthotel.

When they got to the reception, the receptionist said ‘You can’t come in here with ski boots on’. They explained what happened and said ‘We’ve been left behind, please could we get a key to our room so we can wait there’. They’re polite kids, like super polite.

The receptionist said ‘no’. So they asked if she could call one of us on our mobile phones (they know our numbers). Again she said ‘No and you must leave because you’re wearing ski boots’. She sent them outside where it was -4c to wait two and a half hours for us to return.

They ended up waiting in the ski locker room until we returned because it was horrendous weather. I know they would have otherwise been skiing in it but they would have been active and not just waiting around.

Once we worked out what happened we were both horrified. Like, it’s the worst thing I feel I’ve ever let happen to our kids and I’m genuinely shaken.

The ski school’s response was ‘Well, they’re safe now aren’t they and nothing bad has happened?’ They didn’t see the problem. The reception was shut since we got back so haven’t had the chance to talk to them yet.

But, before I make a fuss with the reception tomorrow, AITJ here?

I just want to make sure I’m not in the wrong before going nuclear tomorrow.

Sorry for the long post – I probably should have edited but also cooking dinner!”

Another User Comments:

“Little of this makes sense. And what makes sense is implausible.

The instructor was there, and he handed them their “bibs”. So they would/should wait at the top and he’ll come along. No ski instructor is going to abandon two small kids with a shrug and a “not my group”, not even a French one.

They could have taken off their ski boots and come into reception. No receptionist is going to deny two small freezing kids the use of a phone, not even a French one. Something is very fishy here. This was either a huge series of misunderstandings or your kids are telling porkies.

Tomorrow you need to question your kids more carefully to find out what happened. If it seems true, then yes, rain down furious vengeance on both businesses.” notforcommentinohgoo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t go nuclear…. thermonuclear. This is so beyond acceptable even if they were adults… But this is a children’s Ski School, they gave you their bibs and told you to go up the mountain to meet the instructor.

You paid a price for a service and THIS AIN’T it. This is not being stuck on a broken lift for some time, this is sending an 11 & 9 yo on a trip to nowhere. It’s great that the kids are fine, but how does anyone trust this place to not do this?

You paid for a service, you did not get it. They owe you much more than a rebate of a day’s lesson. They should be comping the family and hoping it does not get out (TripAdvisor and any other site should be used to post this UNACCEPTABLE behavior.) Keep your cool (but maybe a notch below screaming).

Don’t stop going higher until you get it resolved. This is not a Karen complaining about the management situation. This could happen to anyone’s children.” catskilkid

Another User Comments:

“Soft ESH, because this is genuinely something you should have planned for. Any time you send children off by themselves, you tell them what to do if something goes wrong.

“If you get separated from your group, do X.” Give them backup plans. Go nuclear at reception. But do it in an ice-cold way. Don’t let them refuse to deal with you because you’re angry; don’t give them that opening. You also need to go nuclear with the ski school; call and ask to speak to management.” ThingsWithString

“In my (M17) chemistry class, there is this one girl, Sophie (F17), who is hypercompetitive about grades. As such, she’s constantly comparing marks with me since I do well in chemistry. I can confidently say that most often, I do score slightly higher than Sophie.

Sophie knows this and therefore is always constantly trying to one-up me and often badgers me about my strategies and such.

Since today was the first day back from the break, we got our scores from our most recent chem test back. I scored 98%. During our lunch period, I was chilling with my friend Kyle (M17) in the library when Sophie approached us with about five or six of her friends.

She looked very smug and told me that she scored 96% on the chem test; she then asked me how I did. I was about to tell her the truth, but for some reason, I didn’t. I guess I thought being honest would hurt her ego in front of her friends, so I told her I scored 92%.

She celebrated and gloated with her friends like they won the darn Olympics. She even hugged me and told me something along the lines of “92 is still really good.” I congratulated her and joked about how I should start asking her for help; ngl, it was hella hard holding back laughter.

Once Sophie and her friends left, Kyle asked why I was laughing, so I showed him my test, and he saw 98%.

Kyle’s got a big mouth, so by the end of the day, several people knew I was lying; unfortunately, one of them was Sophie.

She confronted me about it and asked to see my test. I showed her, and she was furious, angrier than I’ve ever seen. She said that I had infantilized and embarrassed her in front of everyone by making her think she scored higher than me, that I didn’t have any respect for her, and that she thought she knew me.

I told her it wasn’t my intention for that, and I thought she’d like outscoring me. She then said I was unbelievable and walked away; I yelled an apology after her, but she didn’t respond or even look back.

Now everyone is saying that I was incredibly disrespectful and that I destroyed Sophie’s trust. Even some of my friends think I should apologize “for being devious”.

I was texting one of Sophie’s friends and she said that I should also probably apologize since Sophie held me in high regard. Though I don’t know; I only tried protecting her ego in the first place.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ You were trying to be kind so she didn’t feel bad.

Honestly, she sounds very annoying. It’s high school grades, they don’t matter that much. Seems like she puts all her self-worth into her grades which isn’t your problem to deal with nor to be kind about, yet you still were. She embarrassed herself by acting like she does Kyle should have kept his mouth shut at least.” yukidaviji

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. No, you shouldn’t have lied to give her a fake pat on the back that will later embarrass her in front of her friends. But Sophie also needs to calm down and stop competing with you. I suggest you just decline to let her know your grades from now on, you Chemistry Wizard.” ParsimoniousSalad

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Sophie needs to relax about grades. Her competition should be herself, not her classmates. But instead of lying and making it so Sophie looked like a fool, you could have simply set the boundary that you’re not engaging in her competitiveness.” 0biterdicta

“My dad told my sister he was visiting me for NYE so she invited herself, her mom and step-dad, her grandkids, and my niece then didn’t show up after I spent all this money on extra food. They regularly ask me for favors for their kids/grandkids but clearly, I wasn’t important enough to get a heads-up text.

Let them know I was disappointed they did not inform me they wouldn’t be attending as we were waiting on them. Sister responds and makes a thinly veiled threat because she says I disrespected her.

So I live 2 hours away from my dad and he wanted to hang out for NYE.

A few days ago my sister texted me that she heard our dad was visiting and she wanted to come hang out since she has never had the chance to do anything for NYE. In that conversation, she invited her mom, stepdad, my niece, and her 2 grandkids (1 belongs to my niece) They all live in the same town I do only 15 mins away.

I hadn’t budgeted for extra people. I only originally expected 7 (including my partner and his family) but I decided to make it work. So we went to lots of different stores to add to the entrees and appetizers including buying regular soda. (This is important because we only drink zero or diet and my dad doesn’t consume soda) I confirmed with them twice earlier yesterday and then even set up the party outdoors with patio heaters and our fireplace table since my sister is allergic to cats.

This included deep cleaning, making sure everyone’s clothes never came in contact with our cats, and using lint rollers on everything to eliminate any chance of cat hair.

My dad arrived on time. A little after 10 I text my niece and sister that I turned on the smart lights so they can find my house since I live in a rural area.

Niece never answers me. My sister only texted me that she had a beverage (30 minutes later). They also regularly ask me for favors for their kids/grandkids or ask for my help with finding a new job or making resumes and expect immediate answers. My sister responded later today and made a thinly veiled threat as she took offense to me expressing that I was disappointed they could not inform me they weren’t coming.

AITJ for expressing my feelings as a party host?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but next time they self-invite tell them no. Also stop jumping to their tune regarding resumes, jobs, and help with kids. I’m still mad at my sister for demanding I do her resume right then to apply for a transfer to a job in another state; she never applied.” Emotional_Bonus_934

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Unless there was a serious misunderstanding it is just absurd to invite yourself and a bunch of other people and then not show up. Anyone would be annoyed by that unless there was a great reason. (e.g. if no one mentioned it because they were overwhelmed by someone suddenly being in the hospital and they forgot then that’d be somewhat understandable) She can “take offense” as much as she likes, she was very rude to change your plans this much and then not even take responsibility and mention that they aren’t going to make it.

That isn’t okay behavior, most older teens would realize that you are obligated to call or text and explain.” mlc885

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like she and her family are using you quite often. Just stop doing favors for any of them and don’t invite them again until they honestly and properly apologize to you.

That should include an apology gift as recompense.” opelan

“I (M17) live with my parents in a two-room apartment of 40 square meters. In Eastern Europe, where I live, this is a normal apartment. My sister (F24) used to live with us in the same way. My parents occupied one room, my sister the other.

I was not allowed to share a room with her, so I lived in the kitchen and slept there most of the time. Two years ago my sister got married and my parents moved into her bedroom and I was given the living room where they used to live.

A few days ago, her husband called me out of the blue and asked where my sister was. No one had informed me of anything, so I said I didn’t know. My sister’s husband asked if I was sure. Then he called me another half an hour later and asked if my sister had shown up.

I was concerned and asked what was wrong. He didn’t answer me anything. I started calling my sister, but she didn’t answer the phone. My parents were at work and did not answer my calls either.

In the evening, when my parents came home from work, they were very angry with me.

As it turned out, my sister had sent a text message to her husband that she would be with me all day, but she wasn’t there. I didn’t know my sister was being unfaithful, I hadn’t been told about it, and I didn’t know what I was supposed to tell her husband.

My parents said I was a traitor. They said that my sister fought with her husband because of me and that if they divorced, I would move back into the kitchen.

My dad doesn’t talk to me but loudly tells my mom so I can hear that he is disappointed in me, that I should have known to give the right answer to my sister’s husband, that I didn’t defend my sister, that I am a bad brother and man and that I did it to get back at my sister because she used to sleep in the bedroom and I in the kitchen.

I didn’t know how to convince my parents that I didn’t know what I was supposed to say.

Also, my mom said that I would have to call my sister’s husband and tell him that I lied and my sister was with me and then I would have to ask my sister to forgive me and only if she forgives me my parents will forgive me.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sorry your family sucks like this. You absolutely should not have lied but I understand you’re in a very difficult situation with probably nowhere to go. I grew up in Eastern Europe / I’m in the UK now / so I know how hard life can be there.

Your parents favor your sister. We had a 3-room flat, 2 bedrooms, and the living room, and 3 of us siblings / 2 girls + 1 boy / shared one room. Are you going to university after school? Hopefully, if you are then at least you could move into student housing.” Final_Figure_7150

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your sister was doing the stupid behind her husband’s back and got caught. You should never have to lie to cover your unfaithful sister. Shame on your sister and parents for defending stupid instead of coming clean. Hopefully, you can move out of the apartment as soon as you turn 18.” Square-Tap7392

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If they gave you some sort of warning and asked you to say she was with you I could understand their reaction slightly. But for your sister to be using you as her affair alibi without even asking you to cover for her is insane.

Sounds like you didn’t even know your sister was being unfaithful, so how would you know to lie? If she gets a divorce, it’s absolutely on her not on you. Sorry, that would mean you would be back to sleeping in the kitchen though Your family sounds awful, and I hope you can save money to get away from them as soon as you can.” Equivalent-Moose2886

“My wife (33f) has a best friend who is having a destination wedding in the UK. Naturally, my wife is invited and is going to be at the wedding party. I was pretty excited to go until I was told that it would be too expensive for both of us to go, so she’s going by herself.

That’s all fine except that it isn’t.

You see, when we got married we didn’t get a chance to go on a honeymoon, so we decided that we would do a big trip for our 10 years without the kids…right kids, we have two.

Our 10 year is approaching in a few months. Well, after being invited to this wedding (taking place way later in the year) my wife said that we aren’t going to do our trip cause she has to save money for the trip to the wedding.

I’m even more upset about it, and I voiced my opinion. Hold on to your hats folks I’m not done.

The wedding is supposed to be on a Sunday so I naturally assume she’d be gone for maybe 4 days. Nope! I guess if you’re going to the UK you might as well take a vacation and sightseeing for 12 days!

No wonder it would be too expensive. Btw, at no point was any of this planning discussed with me. So finally I gave my full opinion, especially with the new information. I (34m) stated that I was upset about this, bothered that I was never talked to about this wedding trip was now going to be a vacation with a wedding sprinkled in, and to move around my work schedule for the kids.

At no point did I tell her she couldn’t go but voiced that I was opposed to a 12-day trip. Now she won’t talk to me. So, AITJ??

Little more info to add to the irritation: a few years ago one of my friends that I served with in USAF was getting married and I was invited. His wedding was in N.

Carolina, I live out west. I asked my wife if it would be ok for me and/or all of us to go to the wedding, and maybe spend a few days there. The response was no it would be too expensive and who would take care of the kids?

So I didn’t go.

And some final info: we share an account so it’s not like we have our own money set aside. I make considerably more but all the same, it is OUR money.

So again, AITJ???”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I would be fuming.

It is completely disrespectful. Giving you the cold shoulder is the icing on the disrespect cake. It begs the question, though, if she is going for 12 days, who is she spending her time with? You don’t have to say no. You just have to say that you can’t rearrange your work schedule for two weeks to look after the kids.

Put the onus on her to make the childcare work for her trip without you being the bad guy.” Dalton402

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and this all sounds fishy. 12 days? What is she planning to do and who is she going to be with? This is rude and disrespectful on her part.

And completely unfair given the wedding you missed. I guess it’s time for you to schedule your trip somewhere.” cat_lady8

Another User Comments:

“Ntj, you should plan a two-week vacation when your anniversary is and tell her oh, it will be too expensive for both of us to go so I was going to go to the beach or whatever.

Your destination is for 2 weeks and I’ll enjoy our anniversary. She’s being selfish, controlling, and downright bad partner for excluding you from this trip. And making it a full 12-day vacation instead of a weekend wedding trip. And also forces you to change your work schedule because you have to take care of your two kids for the 12 days without her.

And you voiced your disappointment about it and she gets upset and not talking to you. That is so manipulative it’s disgusting.” [deleted]

“I (M15) have a sister (F16). Throughout my childhood, we have never gotten along.

She would constantly do anything she could to try to antagonize me because she knew she wouldn’t get in trouble. When I turned 13 she seemed to have stopped purposely trying to cause me trouble but we still didn’t get along.

Last year we moved to a different state meaning we had to go to different schools.

That’s where I met my now “Best friend” (M16) who I’ll call K.

It took a while but after I met K I became happy because I finally felt like I had a friend. My sister however was having trouble making friends so she resorted to hanging out with me and K.

This aggravated me a lot because usually when they would hang around together they would talk and forget that I was there. I got jealous because I felt like she was doing this on purpose.

Well since winter break had started. K had told me he and my sister hit it off and they started seeing each other.

I’ll admit I got upset and we started arguing. I do regret arguing with him because after our argument we stopped talking. Yesterday it was my birthday and K and my sister were not at my birthday party. I asked my mom (F56) where my sister was and she said She was with K.

My mom knew this upset me and told me not to let this ruin my birthday party.

However, when My sister came back home she started smirking and looked at me and said “Was it your birthday today? I forgot. Aww me and my partner would’ve come.

We’ll make it next year.”

This annoyed me because both she and K knew it was my birthday today but she decided to be petty when I didn’t even say anything to her. I told her I didn’t care if she came or not because It wouldn’t have mattered to me.

She then said “Oh, you didn’t want me to come, but you wanted my partner to come, didn’t you?” Ignored her and this annoyed her more because she said “You’re a jerk.” “It’s not my fault K wanted me and not a jerk like you.” I told her I wasn’t a jerk and then she said “You act like it.” And then she stormed into her room and slammed the door.

I don’t see what I did wrong…

My mom said I’m the jerk  because I hurt my sister’s feelings when I said I didn’t want her at my party???”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but your parents are. They are failing both you and your sister.

There’s something very wrong with your entire family and for whatever reason, your parents either don’t care or are incapable of being good parents. The fact that your sister attacks your sexuality (or perceived sexuality) and your mother lets her get away with it is downright horrible.

Your sister is a bully because your parents raised her to be that way. Do you have any relatives you can contact for support? Your home is not a healthy place and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. If you cannot get out of your home, find a supportive adult (like a teacher and/or counselor) that you can lean on for some support.

Start focusing on school as much as possible so you can get grades good enough to earn scholarships. Start on an exit plan to get out of your house and away from your family. Don’t share anything important with any of them as they are not safe people.

Focus on protecting yourself and working on your future. You deserve much better. Many well-functioning adults are NC with their families.” Bertiers_Moma

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sorry, she’s a bully. Try your best to remain calm and give her no reaction when she’s attempting to annoy you.

This is how I deal with narcissists. If you don’t react, she’ll have no reason to continue. I’m only saying this so you can protect your peace and mental health. I hope you make new friends & don’t introduce them to your sister.

I’m not sure why your mom is only considering her feelings in this situation but you’re not wrong at all. Maybe have a private conversation with your mother about how your sister treats you and see where it goes. One more thing: K is not your friend.” No-Signature-2023

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but don’t call K your best friend because he is not, he basically chose you or your sister on your birthday and chose your sister. You should block him and not be his friend anymore and when he is at your house, just basically go to your room or somewhere they aren’t.

Or you can be his friend but distance friends not like best anymore. And make new friends and a new best friend it will take time.” Psychological_Cat521