People Wonder Where It All Went Wrong In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“I (30sF) live very close to my grandparents and recently bought a car.

I took a loan, and I will be paying for it for a few years. It is not anything fancy, but it was fairly expensive for me. Also, I don’t want to lend it to anybody.

Well, last weekend we were supposed to celebrate my birthday at my parents’ house with my grandma and grandpa.

The deal was that I would pick up my grandparents, drive them to my parents, and then take them home because they don’t have a car and my grandma has a problem walking so public transport is not an option.

Well, I came to pick my grandparents up, and they waited in front of the house.

I stopped and my grandma told me, she wants my grandpa to drive because she does not feel safe with me driving because I don’t have much driving experience (I’d had a driver’s license since 18 yo) and I told her that it is absolutely not an option since it is my car and I haven’t even paid it off yet and I will be the one driving.

She started to argue that my grandpa had driven his whole life and that she would feel much better if he would drive. I told her again that it was not gonna happen and to get into the car. She refused. My grandpa tried to reason with her, but she was standing there and just refused. I told her that if she is not gonna get into the car, I am going to leave without them, and she still refused. I offered to my grandpa to go with me but he said that he is not going without her.

So I got back into the car and left them in front of their house.

I know it might be petty, but my grandpa hasn’t driven a car for more than 20 years, had several eye surgeries, and is fairly in his 80s. Also, I don’t think I am obligated to lend my car to anybody.

My mum got very surprised when I appeared without my grandparents and called my grandma, who called me an idiot who left them in front of the house. And she thinks I should have just let my grandpa drive for the peace.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ 10000%. “Set yourself on fire to keep the peace” is a textbook tactic from parents afraid to set boundaries with family members. if your mom isn’t paying your car bill (and willing to assume responsibility for the loan), then pay her opinion no mind!

And happy belated birthday!” No_Glove_1575

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Grandma’s getting a little batty. And your mom seems to be headed in the same direction. That horrible situation where “keeping the peace” by acquiescing to unreasonable demands could have led to your being on the hook paying for an unusable car that your grandpa wrecked because your grandma insisted. Your mom is not being reasonable –just wanting to keep grandma happy.” SleightofHand13

Another User Comments:

“Going back to the 1960s, in the UK, my brother always used to drive our mum to her sister’s about once a month. One time he wasn’t available so she asked me. Of course, I said yes. We set out, and mum keeps telling me “You’re going the wrong way.

This isn’t the way….” I told her that it was a way I knew, and that as long as we got to her sister’s, it didn’t matter. She continued complaining so I told her that if she didn’t shut up, at the next roundabout we would go home.

She didn’t shut up! I was never asked to drive her anywhere again! OP NTJ.” Entry-Party

“I (34f) have four older siblings: M (41f), L (39m), K (37f), and D (36m). About a year and a half ago, M, L, and D went pretty much no contact with our parents and K went low contact over our parents favoring my daughters out of all the grandchildren and according to them, favoring me as well when we were growing up.

I knew my parents would give my kids lots of extras and offer me help with gifts when we didn’t need them without doing the same for the others and at the time I had the view that what they did with their money or paid attention to wasn’t any of my business.

I couldn’t help if they favored me growing up or my children now.

My mother went from calling me to just talk or hang out to needing me or my husband to run errands for them constantly. Go over to their house to help them, take our father to his medical appointments, asked my husband to do maintenance around their house and yard.

Things M and L primarily did for them. I understood how it would make them upset to do all of that for them just for our parents to give my daughters extra money, skip other events for my daughters’ activities, and help me with gifts when we make more than any of my siblings… I got it.

That was pretty wrong of our parents so I apologized to my siblings.

My daughters (15 and 13) know that their grandparents are having some issues with their aunts and uncles but they don’t know the exact reason why. I thought it would be harmful to them to tell.

They’re the only ones who visit their grandparents and they know their grandparents don’t show up to functions at the others’ houses.

Over the weekend M hosted a picnic. It was at a public park you can rent pavilions. To make a long story short, our parents showed up.

M asked what they were doing there and they said my daughters invited them. I asked my girls about it and they said since it was at a park it should be fine. No one made a scene but afterward, M and L asked me what I planned to do about it since my daughters broke everyone else’s boundaries.

I said I wasn’t going to do anything because I do think the girls have a point – it was at a public park and I won’t punish them for wanting to see their grandparents. My siblings are pretty much doubling down that they shouldn’t have been invited and they aren’t talking to me as much since I’m not addressing it.

AITJ for not punishing my daughters?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. From your story here your parents sound like they utterly failed in their responsibilities to all their children. By your own admission, your parents have been awful to your siblings and their children. They are totally justified in wanting nothing to do with them.

You are failing your daughters. Big time. You are raising them to be entitled and not face consequences for their actions. M was hosting the picnic. M decided the guest list. M decided your parents weren’t invited. Your daughters decided that didn’t matter and they wanted what they wanted so they went out and got that.

That is wrong. It wasn’t their picnic, they had no right to invite anyone without permission.” AgnarCrackenhammer

Another User Comments:

“Well, quite apart from the situation with your family,  this was M’s event,  she was the host, and it’s always rude to invite people to someone else’s event.

 It’s also really rude and inappropriate to deliberately invite people you know aren’t welcome. And your daughters clearly knew that they were doing something wrong, or they wouldn’t have gone behind everyone’s backs. So yeah, YTJ. You wouldn’t be punishing them for wanting to see their grandparents, you would be punishing them for being rude, selfish, and sneaky.

They owe their aunts an apology and as their parent, it’s your responsibility to make sure they understand why what they did was wrong. Also, your parents are massive jerks, they should not have accepted the invitation without checking with you.” ProfessorYaffle1

Another User Comments:

“YTJ yes. You didn’t believe your siblings about the favoritism and how harmful it was until you were forced to pick up the slack when they left. You didn’t tell your daughters–who are old enough for this!–so they picked up right where you left off, enjoying the attention and not caring who else was hurt by it.

They went behind your back to do this when they knew it would upset their aunts and uncles and cousins, and you just shrugged. This is an opportunity for parenting: you can teach your kids about boundaries, respect, and treating people equally, and show them that if you treat people badly they may go NC, as is their right.

You will be VERY LUCKY if your siblings don’t go NC with you and your kids over this. Start groveling now and maybe you can save your familial relationships. If you stand up to your parents alongside your siblings you might even be able to get through to them and change their behavior.

If you cared about your siblings I would think you’d already have done that, honestly. But you’ve been laissez-faire about the whole situation as though you aren’t at the heart of the issue. YTJ.” Big_Zucchini_9800

“Kayla and I (both 32F) have been friends since elementary school. When she got engaged this Christmas she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid because it was an automatic given.

I love Kayla but the problem is that her wedding is taking place overseas and would cost more than I think is reasonable.

Kayla’s fiancé is from a tiny, far-north Scandinavian town, it is where their wedding is happening. A couple of weeks ago due to some family pressures, they changed the date from Midsommar next year to Midsommar THIS year, about 4 months away.

Between flights, the hotel (most everything in town has already been booked for Midsommar including every spare room and couch at his family’s home so the rooms at the final available stays are around $300 p/n for the 7 days of wedding events), the rental car, the bridesmaid dress, the full traditional outfit required to be worn for some of the events, pet boarding, as well as general incidentals and we are looking at a minimum $8000.

Kayla was very apologetic about the change when she announced it but has not acknowledged just how big of an impact this is. My husband and I have good jobs and are lucky that we don’t have to worry about the day-to-day expenses of life, but we do still have to be thoughtful and save for any larger purchases or travel.

For the last 4 years, we have been saving for our tenth-anniversary trip, a 3-week tour around Japan, and had just booked flights when the date change was announced. Kayla didn’t know I had just booked flights and when she broke the news she actually said “you’re so lucky, you’ve been saving all that money for a vacation anyway!”

Here is where I might be the jerk. I also had a destination wedding. My husband and I got married in Alaska right out of college when most of our friends, including Kayla, didn’t have particularly good or secure jobs. We know now this wasn’t exactly fair of us but we split the rental of a big house with all our friends and flights to Alaska aren’t anywhere near the $2k each it would cost us to fly to Kayla’s wedding.

I’m scared that if I tell her the truth of why we can’t go, it’s too darn expensive, it will ruin our friendship. I could see why it would. She was a bridesmaid for me while far less financially secure than we are now and she knows we have a lot of money saved for travel.

I fear she would question if our friendship is not worth canceling our Japan plans and flights. Our friendship means a lot to me but I don’t think it’s fair to plan a wedding this expensive to attend and expect me to cancel our dream trip to accommodate it.

I don’t want to risk it so my idea was to lie and say we have to do a major home repair (fixing the foundation maybe) that will cost all of what we have saved plus more, then when it did come time for the Asia trip say we were gifted the trip by my husband’s parents.

I know that there is a risk she would find out the truth and be even angrier, is that risk worth it to avoid telling her the truth?”

Another User Comments:

“8K is an outlandish amount to ask anyone to pay to come to a wedding.

Ever. Full stop. The answer is we just can’t afford that. We cannot spend that kind of money on this. I’m so sorry, we can’t. We booked our Japan vacation already, not knowing that you were going to change the date, and we can’t do this.

Your actual reason is sufficient. Making something up would just make it dodgy. Tell her the truth. YWBTJ.” Miserable_Dentist_70

Another User Comments:

“This is a tough one, but I’m going to have to take a YWNBTJ flyer on this one. I would go about it a different way, though; say you had already booked the Japan trip and it’s nonrefundable, and then have some major home renovations come up.

If you’d still like to go but simply don’t have that money on hand, say so, and say you could pay her back, but at no interest. This makes it seem like you genuinely want to go and are looking for ways, but that you just don’t have the means to (because it was switched so suddenly).

Make sure to apologize profusely throughout. I’m probably going to get downvoted for being a jerk, but I think that this is the best route for you.” Sam_Pound_

Another User Comments:

“You would not be the jerk for canceling but you would be the jerk for lying about it.

Be honest, you’ve had the Japan trip planned for a long time, it’s an important milestone in your own relationship. And also, you were planning for this wedding to be a year and a half away, not half a year away. You just can’t make it given the sudden and drastic schedule change.

But you wish her the best on her wedding day anyway. Because here’s the deal: you might’ve had a destination wedding a while ago when you were all worse off, but did you drop a change like that so close to the new date?

Did you guilt trip people into going? If the answer to both of those is no then you’re not obligated to do anything. If the answer to either of those is yes, well, kind of a jerk move but you’re still not obligated. You’ve been saving for this trip for FOUR YEARS.

You can’t just drop that for a last-minute whim to move the date.” CollynMalkin

“Jason (31M) and I (34F) are getting married in August on a tight budget due to our focus on saving money. I have student loans to pay off and recently bought a house, leaving little extra cash. My father, Mason (62M), wasn’t very present in my life growing up after my mom, Beth (60F), divorced him 32 years ago.

He missed birthdays and was absent during my upbringing.

We’re not accommodating any guests traveling for the wedding at our home due to limited space and wanting privacy on our wedding night. It’s important for us to have our home to ourselves during this busy time.

We’ve set up hotel blocks near the venue to offer discounts for our guests, understanding that travel expenses may be prohibitive for some.

My dad, flying 3000 miles with his wife for our wedding, has two government pensions and his wife has a good job. He also works part-time for extra income, making over $30 an hour.

Despite his financial stability, he tends to over-discuss his finances with me and boasts about his wealth. However, when we visit, he often leaves us to pay for everything, insisting on expensive outings and meals. Even when I was a struggling university student, he would make me pay for my share or contribute to groceries for family dinners.

During his visit last summer, he ordered extravagantly at restaurants and made my husband feel uncomfortable by expecting him to cover the bill. He even complained about using points to treat his grandson to a movie. My dad dislikes spending on others and goes to great lengths to avoid it.

My father says he can only afford 3 nights at a hotel, which has upset my brother. He’s angry that we’re not hosting our father and his wife, and that we’re not covering their hotel costs for 1-2 nights. Jason and I feel it’s unfair to pay for their stay when they take multiple trips to Mexico each year.

While they have the right to spend their money as they wish, we believe they should have budgeted for our wedding. We simply want our home to ourselves on our wedding night and the week leading up to it, without the added stress of hosting them.

Jason and I simply don’t have the extra money right now. Despite explaining this to my brother, he’s upset that we won’t cover any nights for Dad. I’ve made it clear that we won’t discuss our finances further. Now, my brother is calling me horrible, selfish, and cheap, and refuses to believe me.

He’s pressuring me relentlessly and insists I’m lying. He can be very mean when things don’t go his way. Even my mother believes I should pay for Dad’s hotel stay.

AITJ for not covering my father’s hotel stay or hosting him for our wedding? I paid my own way when he got married in Mexico and never expected anyone else to cover my expenses.

I’m getting mixed responses from people, and I’m not sure how to handle it. Any advice would be appreciated.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It is extremely uncommon to pay for a guest’s stay. He can either come or not. But the expectation is on him.  Do not discuss the matter with your brother or anyone else.

If they press, thank them for volunteering to pay for it and suggest they tell Dad right away.” Ok_Register3005

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your dad flaunts his wealth at you. One of the reasons he stays so wealthy is that he’s a greedy miser.

Don’t let him or your brother or anyone else guilt you into shelling out for him. If they’re so worried about your dad’s finances they can pay. And if your dad is really that worried, he can skip the wedding. It sounds like he’s missed quite a few milestones already.

What’s one more?” Reyvakitten

Another User Comments:

“Are you from a culture where parents are honored regardless of how they are? Your dad-in-name-only has made you pay your own way your whole life and now he expects you to pay his hotel bill for your wedding?

This is ludicrous. He doesn’t need your money. Sounds like your brother is a major suck-up. And let me guess… Your dad was way more involved with your brother than with you. If he’s so concerned, why doesn’t your brother host your father and his wife?

I would tell your brother that he’s ruining your wedding experience and to knock it off. You’ve made your decision and you’re not changing your mind. If he can’t drop it, I’d hang up on him on every call every time he brings it up.

Block his texts if you must. I’d say uninvite him to the wedding, but it sounds like that is not an option for you. Although it sure would make things more pleasant. I’m sorry people are harassing you about this, your mom is wrong.

Your dad can easily afford a hotel room for his daughter’s wedding. And he should. NTJ.” wordsmythy

“I (58m) was recently diagnosed with a terminal condition. Won’t get into details, but it was the classic “went in with a paper cut, got out with Cancer2000” situation. I’ve got roughly a year and a half left.

Over time, I’ve made a bunch of unwise decisions.

I have multiple children with different women. I have three sons: Lance (43m who has two daughters), Mark (22m) and Tony (15m). And four daughters: Cammy (38f who has four children), Linda (30f), Ronny (28f), and Kathie (24f).

Not going to lie here, I’ll just say that I was only involved in raising Ronny and Kathie.

Their mom died when they were little and I couldn’t refuse to take them in. Ronny is starting her career in law and Kathie recently got her degree in agriculture. 9 years ago I also took in Mark, who was kicked out by his unpleasant stepdad.

Mark decided against pursuing higher education.

I own a ranch. It’s not a little one, though, but we’re managing just fine with the help of hired staff. We have about 500 heads of cattle, not counting the horses. The ranch has been in my family for generations.

I know for certain that the only children who would be interested in preserving the ranch are Kathie and Mark. Maybe it’s just my delusion, but I’m very passionate about passing the ranch down to my children, so they’ll be able to continue the family tradition.

Knowing my children and knowing that they probably inherited my “amazing” personality, I can say for sure that the second I draw my last breath, there will be an inheritance war vicious enough to make the Middle East and Eastern Europe seem like a recess fight in kindergarten.

It will be nasty, painful, and disgusting.

I wrote a will. As per my will, the ranch will go to Kathie and Mark 50:50. Including all the machines, trucks, other equipment, and financial assets. Ronny, the executor of the will, is getting my 1970s Lincoln Continental. She’s the one who’s been driving this car for the last 5 years and she’s the one paying for maintenance, insurance, everything.

The other children get $10k each and Tony gets my car, a 2010s Chevy Suburban, purely because it’s a safe car and he’s getting his license this year. The grandkids also get $5k each. It’s not much, but I don’t own much either.

I’ve notified my children that I don’t have much time left. Of course they asked to see the will. I know that the second they see it, things will escalate. I don’t want it. I don’t want to spend my final year seeing my children suffer and fight.

Ronnie advised me against disclosing the will, she’s a skilled lawyer so I trust her completely. I refused to disclose the will and now my children are enraged. They keep speculating about the will, they keep pestering me and giving advice on what should I leave to whom.

Am I the jerk for refusing to disclose the contents of my will? By now, the only ones who know about them are me and Ronnie and I intend to keep it this way.”

Another User Comments:

“Going against the grain here with YTJ. It all just sounds like one cop-out after another.

You didn’t raise the majority of your children. Even the ones you did raise you “couldn’t refuse to take them in”. Your son was only taken in after his “jerk stepdad kicked him out”. Well, his real dad didn’t take him in from the get-go so what does that make you?

Then you want to keep your will confidential because you don’t want to handle the consequences of your own decision of how you are choosing to distribute your assets. So you would rather your children all rip each other’s throats out and hate on one another than direct that anger where it really belongs, at you.

Normally I’d think that they should be more concerned with enjoying the time you have remaining and filling it with pleasant memories but I really don’t think that applies here. They have dealt with an absentee father their whole lives who is more concerned about his ranch than them.” Ranoutofoptions7

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m sorry to hear of your prognosis. Your assets are yours and yours alone to do with whatever you see fit. Money sometimes has a horrible way of ripping families apart after a loved one dies, and based on your description of the family dynamics, it sounds like that would be the case here no matter what choices you make in your will.

I think you’re making the right call not to disclose your will… why make the time you have left worse than it needs to be? Use your time doing what makes YOU happy and fulfilled. I hope your family will be mature enough to appreciate your remaining time together, and you all spend it making memories that they will hold dear once you are gone.

I wish you the best of luck, and you never know… you might have more time than you anticipate. Take care!” surelyyoucantBcereus

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – also probably provoking some. The ‘family tradition’ is lovely in theory – awful in practice. You also have a family tradition of creating children you haven’t cared for and now want to overlook any small measure of recompense they might receive on your death.

Ideally, farmers and those with non-liquid assets would make some provision in the form of life insurance to leave behind to non-ranching children. You have not done this despite having very many children you know will not want to carry on with ranching. You should use whatever time you have left trying to sort some form of equitable arrangement out.” EducationalPizza9999

“I (19m) am a first year at university in the UK. I’ve recently gotten quite close with one of my roommates.

I am openly bisexual, and he (18m), as far as I’m aware, has been fine with that, he also knows I had feelings for him in the past and we’ve discussed this. This will be relevant later. I’ll call him Jason.

Jason and I, as well as a few others recently went out drinking as usual, but Jason got a lot more intoxicated than usual. I like to typically stay sober to ensure all my friends get home safely, and thankfully I did this night.

I walked him back to ours, as he was almost black out intoxicated at this point, unable to walk and throwing up on himself. During the events of the night, he lost his key so I took him to my room, literally opposite his, and took him to my bathroom to clean up.

I was planning on letting him sleep in my bed, and being massively emetophobic I didn’t want him sleeping in my bed and room covered in his own vomit. So I took off his shirt and pants, sat him down in the shower, and let the warm water run over him for a few minutes, wiping him down with a sponge.

I gave him some of my spare clothes and put him to bed in the recovery position. I didn’t think much of it and went to sleep on the floor myself. I had classes early the next day so left a note on my bedside table telling him to call me when he wakes up as I wanted to explain what happened to him.

When he rang me I explained about him losing his key and how he should go request a new one, and just cleared up what happened in the shower because I didn’t want him suddenly remembering details and piecing the story together wrong.

Alas, I was wrong, and he blew up on the phone, claiming I took advantage of him in a vulnerable state and he can’t trust me now.

He called me inappropriate names among other things and quickly hung up. I’m now questioning if my taking the initiative was ever right in the first place and if I should’ve done something differently. I obviously only tried to do what I thought was best for him and I never meant to make him uncomfortable.

How should I go about sorting this out?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you don’t. Just keep away from him. You probably saved his life and he made it into something about your sexuality. He may gossip about you so have your side prepared – he was blackout wasted and you didn’t want to leave him to die so washed him off and monitored him that night.

Next time, if in halls of residence, call the hall porter who’ll deal with the matter, or if private, there are usually students from the student union who can help. To clarify, you were a really decent friend to him but he’s an idiot. But to avoid similar situations, check out what services your student union offers.” Timely_Egg_6827

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – you gave an unconsensual sponge bath to a blacked-out roommate. He woke up in your bed, in your clothes, with a note saying that you need to talk. Surely you can see how bad this looks. Especially considering you have told him that you had feelings for him in the past. I can’t even imagine the backlash you’d get if this story was about a female roommate.” MumblingJudgement

“I (19F) live in a dorm with a roommate (20 Assigned Female at Birth) and we were planning to move into a two-bedroom together next year until last night.

My roommate, Sarah, is nonbinary and goes by they/them pronouns, along with identifying openly as a lesbian.

They have very short hair, dress in very baggy and/or masculine clothing, and have a partner. Sarah talks very openly about looking very gay and being proud of it. Sarah is out to everyone except Sarah’s parents because they are religious. Sarah doesn’t change the way they present outwardly so we have jokes as a friend group that Sarah’s parents are in intense denial because it is quite obvious and Sarah makes these jokes as well.

Essentially the argument happened because the day before I revealed that my mom assumed Sarah was a lesbian based on the pictures I had shown her of our friend group. Sarah texted me out of the blue asking how my mom knew they were a lesbian.

I said that she assumed and when I told my mom I didn’t know anything about Sarah’s sexuality and that Sarah had given me no reason to think that way, my mom said I was being completely blind. Sarah then said that it was a giant issue because our parents could potentially meet in the future since we’ll be living together and that I should have lied and that I didn’t do enough to convince my mom otherwise.

Sarah said that they weren’t convinced my mom could “keep her mouth shut” even if I told her not to bring it up and that I should have lied “vehemently” even when I told Sarah I tried to avoid the conversation since my mom never believed me.

I told Sarah that I was very sad about the situation and that we could coordinate to make sure they weren’t visiting at the same time or interacting and Sarah said them meeting was inevitable. Then I asked Sarah if we could approach a situation like this differently next time as everything they had said seemed antagonistic.

From then on Sarah lost it and said that the conversation would have been worse in person, that I was not taking any personal responsibility for not doing enough or apologizing properly, and that I was trying to make myself the victim in the conversation.

From then on I told Sarah that the conversation was getting to be both rude and ridiculous. I told Sarah that I am sorry that they have to worry about this but that I can’t control what assumptions other people make about how they portray themselves physically.

I said I wasn’t going to apologize for something I didn’t feel was my responsibility and that after this I didn’t want to live together anymore.

For clarification, I am bisexual so this isn’t a thing of homophobia on my part.

Am I the jerk for not apologizing or trying to convince my mom more strongly that Sarah is not a lesbian?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I understand why Sarah is sensitive about their situation. I’m in my thirties and have friends my same age who aren’t out to their folks and get a bit queasy when the subject is broached. It’s tricky, I don’t envy them.

But Sarah will only be able to control so much regarding their situation. They will have to accept that. They can deal with their business however they want to, but being able to puppeteer every single aspect is an unreasonable expectation. People will always make assumptions whether we want them to or not.

We can’t help that or throw a fit every time it happens. Especially if a precedence has been set based on how we conduct ourselves. I do think they may be fretting a bit too much… In college, four friends and I rented a house together for three years and our parents still never met.

Not saying my scenario is everyone’s, but I doubt it’s unique.” consolelog_a11y

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. “I look like such a lesbian haha my parents are in denial.” “Wait how did she know I was a lesbian just by looking at how self-proclaimed lesbian my appearance is??” “You lied to your mom but you didn’t lie as much as I want you to and it’s your fault she didn’t believe your lies and you couldn’t actively convince her that what’s true is actually false!” Yeah sorry, that’s not how the world works.

This is so much ridiculous drama that you don’t need.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sounds like Sarah has an axe to grind and you looked like a good place to start. They cannot joke about how much in denial their parents must be about their appearance and then say you should be able to convince your mom that their appearance is not that of a lesbian.

That makes no sense. Think hard OP. Do you want to continue to live with someone who shows you such little grace?” FireBallXLV

“I (15F) have always had a tight bond with my older brother (24M). He raised me, as we were both in the same foster system before adoption.

Anyway, my brother has been seeing his now-fiancée (22F) for 3 years now.

My whole family loves her and she is the perfect person for him.

So, a couple of days ago was my quinceañera. My sweet fifteen. Everything had been planned for about a year. The dress, the gigantic venue, (my mom decided to invite so many more people than I really wanted), the cake, everything.

It was my special day and I was truly excited. Then my brother comes along.

Halfway through my party, out of basically nowhere, he made the DJ play his partner’s favorite slow song and popped the question to her right there and then. Everyone was in shock, especially his partner.

She said yes, but I saw her run off to the bathrooms immediately after, not looking the happiest. I knew for a fact that she had stated to him multiple times that she wanted him to propose to her on their own time since she’s generally really anxious around large groups of people, and all that attention being on her was upsetting.

I went up to him after, upset about why he decided to propose to her at MY birthday, when for once, the day was about me, not him. He replied that it was ‘too much work’ to get the family all together himself, so he thought this was a good time.

I reminded him that he and his partner had a pre-planned trip to Mexico in two weeks, and asked him why he couldn’t just do it then on their own time. He replied that our aunt had made him feel bad for not considering proposing in front of family just because his partner preferred to have that intimacy in private.

So, he took her word, did not tell me or my mom, and decided to just do this. If he had told me in advance, I probably would have been okay with it, (I was kind of used to sharing the spotlight with him anyway) and that he knew this would put all of the attention on him, on my special day.

And, he had previously stated to me that he did not want me playing a role in his wedding, as I was “too old for a flower girl and too young for a bridesmaid.” So, if he didn’t want me to play a part in his wedding, why did he now play a part at my birthday?

I got upset and went to the bathroom to check on his fiancée. She was crying when I got there, and we talked out our anger and anxiety for a while. She wanted something private, I wanted to finally have my own celebration. He hurt both of us, so the two of us + my mom kicked him out, and he looked extremely hurt and cried and started apologizing.

We still kicked him out, and he was offended that his fiancée could stay but he couldn’t.

I never wanted to be the reason he cried, so I cried after, feeling upset and stuck between feelings. So, I wanted to know opinions on how this was handled and AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“So, let me get this right. He took some aunt’s word on how he should propose over the express wishes of the woman he was proposing to? And stealing his sister’s day in the process? He deserves to cry because he sure didn’t think this one through.

He doesn’t sound evil, just clueless – let’s hope he learned something and will apologize to both of you for his dim-wittedness. NTJ.” marvel_nut

Another User Comments:

“NTJ you did fine and did the right thing. He is the jerk and should put a lot of effort into saying sorry.

Plus his fiance should reevaluate her decision to marry that guy. She clearly stated that she does want a private moment and definitely not a public event. Does she want to marry a guy who does not care about what she wants and needs, walking all over her?” Last-Neighborhood-71

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Okay let’s look at this… He is selfish – she stole the spotlight from you on your day. He is lazy – it was “too much work” to plan something himself for the proposal. He is selfish pt 2 – he ignored the express wishes of his SO to do this.

He is manipulative – when he realized the ladies in his life weren’t just going to roll over and move on he tried to guilt trip and cry to make you feel bad and do NOT let him off easy with this…SO shouldn’t either.” FoxPawsFauxPas

“My (48f) youngest daughter (17f) is graduating in the Spring. I have three older children who have all graduated and I’ve always thrown them graduation parties. It’s usually in our backyard. I rent tables and tents, get some catering from a restaurant, and usually invite family/family friends.

My kids always had friends come in and out.

I started sending decoration ideas to my daughter. She then stated she had already planned to have a joint party with her significant other in our backyard and his family would contribute.

I’m a little upset because I really don’t want to have to share.

I’ve always enjoyed planning these parties and inviting our friends and family. With combining, I would have to try to compromise with his family and also would have to shorten who can come on our side.

Another layer is, my family is a little bit out there and I’d feel a little embarrassed worrying about how they would act around his family.

My daughter thinks I’m the jerk because it should be her party and feels she should make all the decisions. I feel like I am paying for it and it is at my house so I should also have a say in the party.

My other children did not care as long as they had friends who could come as well.

His mom reached out and essentially said they would pay half and I could make all of the decisions so I imagine my daughter said something. She also mentions they would get double the gifts this way.

I don’t want my family/friends to feel pressure to give either or both of them a gift.

AITJ for not combining the party with her significant other’s family?”

Another User Comments:

“I was at YTJ at first, because this party is supposed to be for your daughter, and at first I was thinking it was more about you throwing the kind of party you like.

But: “She also mentions they would get double the gifts this way.” That is tacky and grabby as heck and makes me question their motives. You also make valid points, especially the one that you may have to limit your guest list to accommodate their guest list. (Though it does provide you with a good excuse to prune off those whose behavior is embarrassing.) It’s also presumptuous to assume that you are fine with hosting instead of directly communicating with you once the idea was suggested. You’re NTJ.

Your daughter isn’t really the jerk either. I can understand wanting to celebrate with her significant other, though she should have asked you about that, rather than just informing you. The jerks are the significant other’s parents for the initial lack of communication and the gift-grab thoughts.” Dittoheadforever

Another User Comments:

“It’s your home and your daughter isn’t actually hosting and paying for a party. So, even as the guest of honor, she has to live with what you are actually offering her, IMO. Certainly, her significant other should be invited and if you want to invite his parents, have at it.

Her significant other isn’t your guest of honor, though. So, coordinating with his family and reducing your guest list to accommodate his family seems silly to me? NTJ. Sometimes our kids want something that seems reasonable to them, but is an expensive, redundant, inconvenient, pain in the butt to us as parents.

And no. I’ve never handed one of my kids a blank check for anything either. I’ve always tried to give them what they hope for. But, when they want something absurd? I remind them that I can’t and won’t negotiate everything and they are free to adult as they please with their money and space and time.” AndSoItGoes24

Another User Comments:

“I’m going with NTJ. This is your daughter’s graduation party from high school. It only happens once and honestly, she might regret sharing that experience with her now significant other if they were to break up. It should, IMO, be all about your daughter at her party and you can host it the way you want.

However, I don’t know the situation – is this a long-term significant other who you think she’ll stick with? Or is this a more recent significant other who you think might not even make it until the party? I also take issue at the end where your daughter wants double the gifts.

I would shut it down at that point alone. First of all, people don’t want to feel pressured to bring a gift for a kid they don’t know – especially any family friends that don’t really know your daughter as well and are there to support you as your friend.

Honestly, I’m shocked she feels like it’s a given she’d get double gifts because if it were me I would still assume my invited guests would only bring a gift for me if any at all. If daughter and significant other want to have a party together maybe a compromise would be better – perhaps a smaller joint party with more of their friends invited compared to this big family and friends event?

Just an idea but I hope you can figure this out OP!” DisneyLover3

“My daughter Ella is 15. When she started high school last year, we were told the band would be going on this field trip to Orlando.

Of course, the trip was expensive. Since Ella is growing up, my husband and I decided that if she wanted to go, she would have to pay half of the cost. Ella agreed, and she started spending weekends or holidays babysitting her siblings (5M, 9F) for $22 an hour.

Either my husband or I would stay home and make sure everything was alright, and if there were times that both of us had to be out of the house, we’d make sure to ask our neighbors to keep an eye out and pay Ella $25 an hour.

We were never gone for more than 2 hours. With babysitting, some family members graciously providing her with money to help her out, cleaning, and some money she had already saved, Ella was able to make a good amount of money which we were so proud of her for, and made sure to voice this to her.

Ella was able to make enough money quickly, so we were planning to sign her up for the trip. But earlier this week, I was informed that Ella had been mistreating a girl in her grade for having a mental illness, writing awful notes and putting them in the girl’s bag, spreading disgusting and derogatory rumors, posting things about her online, it’s a whole mess and when I was called in, I could barely even listen the moment after I was told my daughter was bullying someone.

I thought I had raised her right, told her to treat everyone with respect and kindness. I’ve never seen any sort of signs or behavior that would ever indicate that Ella even thought badly about others, and now after 15 years, I’m told she fat-shamed a little 14-year-old girl?

Her excuse being that “someone with an illness shouldn’t be allowed to get a higher test score than her”?

Ella was given a suspension, but it’s very short. The school’s motto is that they don’t tolerate bullying at all, yet it feels as if she was only given a slap on the wrist and told not to do it again.

It also feels wrong that I’m thinking this way, but I do think that there should be more done. The girl Ella had been bullying is also in the band, and I’m pretty sure she will be going to Orlando. Would it be wrong if I didn’t allow Ella to go on the trip?

She paid for half of the trip, but I don’t think she deserves to go. I can’t think of any other way to punish her. She loves to read and isn’t on her phone often. She has a good amount of friends but doesn’t hang out with them often.

What am I supposed to do, take away her books and make her hang out with her friends more?? Yeah… I think the trip is a good lesson, but my husband and a good friend of mine don’t agree with the decision, the reasoning being that Ella worked for that money.

I understand what they mean, which is why of course I’ll let Ella keep what she earned, just not let her go on that trip. I don’t want that girl to have any possibility of being bullied again. WIBTJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ.

She did a great job earning the money for her band trip. She bullied another kid and has to face the consequences. Both of these things can be (and are) true. It sounds like a fair punishment to me. The consequence is that she lost the privilege to go on this cool trip (even though it’s been in the works for a long time, the trip is still a privilege).

She also lost your trust in her ability to behave appropriately when you’re not around so how could you let her go? You obviously want to ensure the girl’s emotional safety on the trip and you can’t trust your daughter to help with that.

I wish more parents thought like you do.” ___coolcoolcool

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Schools historically don’t step in until the bullying gets to a significant extent and rarely ever suspend unless it’s BAD which it sounds like it was. She needs to understand the severity of bullying especially to someone who has struggles they cannot control.

I’d hate to think of how stressful the trip may be for her victim knowing she’s going to have to interact with her tormenter. The girl doesn’t deserve that, regardless of how much money your daughter saved up. Bullying kills, point blank.” savethingsthatglow

Another User Comments:

“Is there any way you can chaperone the trip? (If the teacher has enough chaperones, try explaining to the teacher why you’d like to be included) Because frankly, I’d say let her go on the trip…but you shadow her every move as if she were still 2yo, even having her share your hotel room instead of another student.

Because she’s shown she can’t be trusted on her own to behave in a civilized manner. That way, the consequences of losing trust become very clear to her over the course of the entire trip as she realizes her entire class sees her being treated like an infant.

Basically…she earned the right to go on the trip by earning the money. She ALSO earned direct supervision on that trip by proving that she can’t be trusted otherwise. And overall, I’d address her sense of entitlement. She’s not entitled to a better grade than someone else just because she’s healthier.

NTJ.” wdjm

“I (23f) am a college student and have two older siblings who already finished school and are working.

Our parents divorced when I was 5 years old, and our dad has not paid a single dime of child support since then.

We also lost all contact when I was 6-7yo, by his choice.

He re-entered my and my siblings’ lives a year ago (I was the one who contacted him when I found out from relatives he was in town).

By the laws of our country, parents are obliged to financially support their children until they graduate and so – pay child support.

The other day I asked him to help me out with a bit of money to cover my rent since I am really struggling, the sum I asked from him comes down to half of the sum he’s obliged to pay me monthly by law.

He shrugged it off and said he’s having a hard time as well. The next day I wrote to him and demanded that he start paying the child support he is obliged to pay by law.

My sibling contacted our lawyer and found out that I am the only one with the right to sue him for not paying child support for the past 19 years as I am the last one still in school and being owed. I could sue him for all the money he owes me, plus interest- to put it in perspective, I could buy myself an apartment with this money (but I’d rather split it in three parts with my siblings).

Suing him would not be an unjust thing for me to do as he’s been breaking the law and leaving us to fend for ourselves for 19 years in every aspect, but I would feel a bit bad to “mess his life up.”

Would I be a jerk if I sued him?

What would you do?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You’re entitled to that money and you highlighted it yourself noting “he’s been breaking the law and leaving us to fend for ourselves for 19 years…” And sometimes you don’t know how much money someone has UNTIL you sue them, so his protestations to the contrary may be false.

The process may not be as easy or lucrative as it seems, but you’re NTJ for doing it.” TronnertheAwesome

Another User Comments:

“As a father who paid every cent of my child support and even voluntarily paid more after the court-ordered payments ceased because it was the right thing to do, I say sue him.

Parents who bring children into the world are obliged to help raise them into adulthood, and beyond if possible. The only possible exception would be if the child was irredeemably evil and a loss of support would be reasonable. And even then I would expect the parents would exhaust every avenue of support before abandonment.

No child chooses to be born. Human children need support and nurture for a very long time before they can truly become functioning adults. I had help from my parents until they passed just a few years ago in their early nineties. I will support my two children until I pass, (I’m paying both of them through college now), which hopefully will be many years down the road.

They both have standing offers to return home anytime they need help. It’s what I got and it’s what they will get. NTJ. Mess him up, the weak individual.” 2gigch1

Another User Comments:

“Why haven’t you already sued this man?! Run, girl, run!

In my country, parents are obliged to pay child support too, until their children finish college (but if the children have some disability, the child support can be lifetime). This man left you and your siblings when you were kids and never helped you in any way.

If he didn’t want any responsibility, he shouldn’t have had children, he now has to bear the consequences (in my country you could also sue him for emotional abandonment).” leanai89

“I (17F) have been planning a tattoo since I was 15. My best friend’s sister is a tattoo artist and a few months ago we started talking officially about the tattoo. She has done several drawings and designs until I found the one I wanted. I also started saving to get this tattoo after I turn 18.

We have a tentative date for the tattoo but she can’t/won’t book me officially until I have turned 18 and I’m cool with that. The tattoo is one to represent my family so my dad and my brother and my late mom and late sister who died 8 years ago.

Ever since I lost my mom and sister I knew I wanted to get this tattoo and I knew it was something I wanted to take my time to get right before having it put on my body forever.

Last week I was emailing the artist and I had the design and emails we exchanged up.

I went to the bathroom and left my laptop open and Dad looked to see what I was doing. He asked me about it and I told him I was serious about the tattoo. He asked me about the design and I told him it took a lot of time to get it just how I wanted it but now it’s perfect.

My dad asked me how I could say that when his wife and my stepsister (7) and my half-siblings (4 and 2) aren’t included. He said it’s clearly meant to be about my family and they are part of my family. He told me if my stepsister knew I was getting this and didn’t include her, she would be heartbroken.

He said 6 years of being stepsiblings and she doesn’t know us as anything other than siblings. He said it’s one thing for my brother and I to be closer to each other due to our ages being more compatible but to outright show with that tattoo that I don’t love them or love them the same or accept them as my family, he said it’s wrong and the tattoo would be cruel.

He said it is a visible declaration of how I feel about my three younger siblings and he is not okay with it. He told me if I want to get it I will need to move out.

He was also mad that my brother knew about it and planned to get one when he’s old enough to as well.

He has a different design in mind but again it wouldn’t include Dad’s wife or our stepsister or half-siblings. Just us, Mom, Dad, and our sister. Dad had another talk with both of us Saturday where he essentially told me this is a character-defining moment of whether I want to be kind and loving or whether I’m okay with the potential hurt if my tattoo is ever seen.

WIBTJ if I get the tattoo as it’s designed?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The tattoo represents the family you had when your mum and sister were alive. Your new siblings are not a part of that. Your dad is overstepping. You’re not leaving your new siblings out, just honoring something that they were never a part of.” MerlinBiggs

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – and your dad is wayyyyyyyyyyy out of line if he thinks this will make you closer to your step and half-siblings!!! “Dad had another talk with both of us Saturday where he essentially told me this is a character-defining moment of whether I want to be kind and loving or whether I’m okay with the potential hurt if my tattoo is ever seen.” If Dad wants a tat with HIS entire family included, then HE can go for it.

He needs to leave you alone, IMHO!!!” Comfortable-Sea-2454

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This tattoo is to represent a specific point in your life. Maybe someday later, you can get another tattoo to honor your stepmom and step/half siblings. If you want a diplomatic way to say it, just say this is the design you’ve been working on for many years and you don’t want to change it, but maybe in a few years, you’ll be inspired to add to it or get another one to represent your expanding family.

You don’t have to do it, I suspect it would shut everyone up enough that in a few years, they’ll forget about it.” IstoriaD

“So my (30f) husband Josh (32M) and I have been married for 6 years now and have a 4-year-old daughter and 9-month-old son.

My husband has a childhood friend Amy (fake name). Amy and I are mostly civil but she often comments on various things, especially if I am doing something. My husband is an introverted person and does not have many close friends so I never really say anything.

We hosted dinner a few days ago and invited Amy as well. They were drinking as well, and while intoxicated Amy said how she could not believe Josh already had 2 kids even though Josh used to tell them how he never wanted to marry before 30.

Things got a bit awkward but she went on to say how I wasn’t even his type and still we got married. At this point I was angry but Josh calmed me down saying she is just intoxicated.

After, my son started crying so I went to feed him formula.

The thing is, due to some complications I wasn’t able to produce milk for my son. When Amy saw it, she said “if I was a mom I would never feed my baby formula. It’s kinda crazy how you are okay with feeding such things to your baby.”

I really lost it and told her to shut up and mind her own business, that this was my house, my husband, and my baby, and she was in no way eligible to talk about someone else’s married life when she couldn’t even keep a man in her life, and is now living alone with her cats.

Upon hearing all that Amy started crying and soon left. Everybody left soon after. My husband says it was okay for me to be angry but it was a bit harsh for me to say all that since everyone knew Amy was struggling with her mental health.

I have gotten texts from a few of her friends cursing me and asking me to apologize to her.

I have since blocked them all but to be honest I don’t want to. It wasn’t the first time she said something inappropriate. It was the final straw and I couldn’t take it anymore.

She is apparently in a bad mental state since she was also betrayed by her fiance of many years in the past so I really don’t know. I have started to feel bad and maybe I was over the line.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ just because she is struggling mentally doesn’t mean she can say crap about someone else’s personal life, regardless of intoxicated or not.

she seems extremely jealous of you and shows it by all the backhanded comments about you “not being his type” and all. You should keep her blocked and away from your house. And for his friends – you can tell them that Amy very clearly keeps saying nonsense about your family and if they want to take her side, they too are not welcome at your house.

Really glad your husband took your side and said that your anger was valid but he shouldn’t have made any remarks about Amy’s mental health struggle etc. Her fiance betraying her is also no excuse to make bad comments about your marriage.” Odd-Salt8178

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and I have very little respect for your husband. He obviously lets his friends walk all over you regularly since they are so comfortable contacting you and berating you as if you were the only one being unkind. Telling (or implying) to a mother that she’s a bad mother is the absolute most painful insult you can give.

What you said to her pales in comparison to what she said to you about your mothering. I’m guessing you’re the only parent in the group? If I so much as heard a stranger get told what you were told I would have immediately stood up for her.

None of your friend group stood up for you being called a bad mom because you can’t breastfeed. Your husband didn’t stand up for you being called a bad mom because you can’t breastfeed. I’m incandescent with anger on your behalf.” HappySummerBreeze

“So, I (F34) have a cousin named Cici (F21). Cici’s mom, my aunt Deb (F62), and Cici’s dad, my uncle Chris (M65), were never able to have biological children together.

While I do not know exactly what the nature of the fertility problems was, I do know that they eventually had my cousin through the use of one of Deb’s friends, who agreed to be a surrogate and an anonymous sperm donor. I was 13 when Cici came home from the hospital as an infant, and I knew that I had never seen my aunt pregnant, but had seen her friend hanging around a lot who WAS pregnant, so I connected the dots.

I later asked my mom about it, and she was honest with me but made me promise to never tell anyone because Deb and Chris have plans for when and how to tell her, and that only parents can have these talks with their kids.

I promised my mom I would never say a single word about it, and that was that.

Watching Cici grow up really tested my patience. Every time she started seeing someone, I would think about the horror stories overheard of donor babies and adoptees and affair babies accidentally getting into romantic relationships with family.

Cici also suffers from some not yet diagnosed health problems, and I’m worried it’s linked to whoever this anonymous donor is.

Last year, at Thanksgiving, Cici brought a date with her. He seemed nice, but something about his face really bothered me. Maybe I’m paranoid, but they had an uncanny similarity to one another.

I’ve done my fair share of reading on sperm donation, and it made me consider the possibility of Cici accidentally stumbling upon and seeing someone she has no idea she’s related to. That thought bothered me so badly that I confronted my aunt Deb in private to ask if she’d told Cici the truth yet.

Deb was cold and rude to me about the topic and said she would tell Cici when the time was right. I asked her when the time would be “right” and if that would be before or after she accidentally had kids with a half-brother.

Deb screamed at me and told me to get out of her house. When I got to my mother’s house afterward (I was staying with her for the holidays since I live way out of town now) I was scolded by her for bringing the subject up and told to let it go.

I’m having an incredibly hard time letting this go. I think Cici deserves to know the truth so she can protect herself. She’s such a sweet person and I don’t think she deserves to be lied to any longer than she already has been, but I’m struggling with the idea that when and if I tell her, it will turn her world upside down and probably destroy her relationship with her parents.

It would definitely fracture my family. WIBTJ if I came clean with Cici about her birth?”

Another User Comments:

“I am going against the grain here and saying NTJ. I was lied to about something my whole life and when the truth was finally forced out, I still don’t fully trust the people who were involved and lied to me.

I wish someone, ANYONE, would have respected me enough to tell me the truth. A truth I deserved to know. Cici deserves to know the truth. If it fractures your family, your aunt and uncle have nobody to blame but themselves for lying all these years.

Please, please, be honest with your cousin. Someone needs to be.” WaywardMarauder

Another User Comments:

“Donor conceived, and I know I’m going against the grain, but it is way past time for your cousin to know the truth. Your cousin deserves to know the truth, and her parents will never tell her.

You could be sneaky and start chatting with your cousin about how you’re going to get one of those DNA tests and talk about all the interesting things you look forward to learning, and all her opinions of it, encourage her to take one with you, etc. Not really the right thing to do, but if you don’t want to be blunt, it’s an option.

You could also just be totally honest and tell her and offer to buy her one so she can be somewhat sure she’s not seeing a biological relative. However you do it, she deserves to know. NTJ you are the only one thinking of her health and future in a responsible way.” justheretolurkreally

Another User Comments:

“Everyone is a jerk – You’re probably over-reading into her happening to go out with a relative the likelihood seems low. People also tend to be attracted to people like themselves. Still, lots of health issues are genetic, and knowing the truth about her DNA might be helpful to her in the future.

You’re both adults so it’s really up to you, but look inward and see if anything else about it is bothering you and if you have some motive for stirring up the pot.” whisper_to_the_void

“I (29F) have been with my husband (27) for 3 years, married for 2. I’ve got a 5-year-old with special needs.

Husband has been friends with “Ari” (27F ~ fake name) for 26 years, their parents are best friends too.

Ari isn’t attracted to men, she has a wife and has been with her wife for 15 years – Ari has babysat my son for a few days every few weeks since she’s the only one who can cope with his needs, sometimes more than me but she works with children with SEN.

There have been a few instances such as Ari getting my son to eat something he wouldn’t eat for me, and my husband using it to say how good Ari is; everything is turned into a competition and I always lose.

There have been instances where he ditched me to hang out with her, or where he’s texted her late at night or involved her in an argument…whenever I blink, she’s there.

I don’t think Ari is interested in my husband – she doesn’t like men, I don’t believe my husband is into her either it’s not jealousy rather than exhaustion.

So I had a baby shower lately and I didn’t invite Ari as she’s my husband’s friend anyway, and I just couldn’t deal with it that day…I wanted something without her involved.

Ari messaged me to tell me she was disappointed and thought because she looked after my son 2-4 days a week twice a month we were friends, I haven’t responded.

I asked my friends and they’re all on Ari’s side and they don’t even like Ari.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“I’ll go against the grain, I’m also a mom and I don’t think you’re a jerk, I don’t think she is either though. It sounds like she considers you a close friend and had her feelings hurt by not being invited. Your husband on the other hand is a complete and total jerk.

You need to make it known well that he’s putting you in a position to feel in competition, that’s completely messed up and unacceptable. And none of that is her fault or yours! Your husband needs to be more protective and respectful of his marriage and honestly, it sounds like he might be incapable so maybe talk to Ari and her wife, I’m sure they have no idea the wedge he’s driven here.

And if they are real friends to him they will tell him to cut the nonsense out. And honestly, this is your kid, you just feel like you’re losing because you do the day-in day-out stuff, she sees him a few days a week!

You’re his mom!! Our kids are supposed to act right with other people and crazy with us, we’re their safe space. There is no competition to be had, stop doing that to yourself. You are his MOM no one compares to you. But it sounds like maybe Ari has tried to be a good friend and your husband is an absolute moron who needs to be slapped into reality.

No jerks here. Except for the idiot you married.” Quilting_and_crafts

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Ari helps out with a ton of stuff by the sound of it. I’m softening the vote a bit because of this: “There have been instances where he ditched me to hang out with her, or where he’s texted her late at night or involved her in an argument…whenever I blink, she’s there.” Ari may have no idea you feel this way.

I’d talk to your husband as he seems to be the issue here. “Everything is turned into a competition and I always lose.”” Apart-Ad-6518

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. For someone who claims they are not jealous, you sure seem jealous and petty. This woman who you state has no interest in your husband and your husband who has no interest in her have known each other your husband’s entire life, she watches your child with special needs 2-4 days a week and you just don’t invite her to a baby shower.

Are you required to…. NO, but the optics here are so screaming loud that you are the jerk. A petty, jealous one. Yikes that you needed to ask if you were the jerk.” catskilkid

“I 20F am a university 2nd year student. In my country when you finish high school the government will place you in whatever state (region) they want or you could learn in private universities. When I finished high school there were some problems in some states of the country and unfortunately, I got placed in one of the states that has no peace so my mother said that she is not sending me there to die so I will learn here.

When she told my father he said in front of my little sister that he doesn’t care I am 18 and if I decided to learn here he will not pay for anything. My mom was mad and they got into a huge fight and finally my mom said she will pay my tuition even though it was a lot for her.

It has been 2 years now, my mom is paying for my college and for any other expenses. I am working a part-time job and still I am not talking to my father. Recently his family started saying that I should forgive him because he raised me and I am still living in his house.

Also, they started accusing my mother of not convincing me enough to forgive my father.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ! Your father and his family stink! They are incompetent and cynical -ishs! Why should you take the initiative to fix something that you clearly didn’t break or cause?

If your father wants to have a relationship with you, let him have the courage to communicate directly with you, instead of blackmailing and disrespecting your mom with his disgusting family! The simple fact that he raised you does not give him immunity to disrespect or treat you badly, nor does it give him the right to demand whatever he wants, it’s his obligation and everybody has to treat others according to how we would like to be treated or how they treat us!

So I would recommend that you politely stop them or else CUT OFF COMMUNICATION WITH ALL OF THEM! Don’t waste your time if you don’t want to wear yourself out mentally, set a limit before it’s too late! Good luck!” CRONI_K

Another User Comments:

“Does your dad try to rekindle your relationship, does he want your forgiveness or just his family? And if he is the one trying to get your forgiveness or trying to apologize his first step should be helping pay for your tuition! He is def the jerk, he basically said he doesn’t care if you get harmed because you’re 18.

If he was really trying he’d help pay for your tuition.” SignificantCap8481

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Some things are difficult to forgive. If I’m understanding you correctly, you were allocated to a state that “had no peace” which I understood to mean in conflict (perhaps political conflict?) and therefore dangerous?

It would be very hard to hear a parent say that they don’t care about your safety. I do think your mother is amazing and she held fast in protecting her child. As for forgiveness, it’s really hard to forgive someone who hasn’t asked for forgiveness or changed their stance.

As for living in his home? Well, I guess he can withdraw that as well, but it is yet another action that makes forgiveness even harder rather than an argument toward it. I’m sorry, that’s all hard. Work hard at school and towards independence.

You are almost there!” Something-bothersome

“Just want to gain some perspective to see if I’m being unreasonable or if this stuff is weird. I (29f) two nights ago spent the night at my sister’s house to help her with her dogs as she was out of town. I left home at about 6 pm Monday night.

My partner (m31) of 7 years doesn’t work on Mondays, so he was home and had to leave for work by 7 am the next morning.

He came home from work around 7:15 pm. I was in the shower. I finished around 7:30, got out, and got dressed. We started catching up and my eye caught his shaver, which was on the table, aka he brought it to work, because it wasn’t there before, and he had freshly cut hair.

I asked him if and why he brought it to work. He says that he didn’t trust himself so if it was bad he was going to have someone fix it. He works at a health center, so that would have also been unhygienic, no?

Regardless, I was shocked. I thought that was really inappropriate and told him so. I said that’s not okay. If my (old boss) came in and asked me to cut his hair? That would not be cool. But here’s the kicker– I asked him twice this weekend if he wanted his hair cut after he had mentioned it, once right before I left for my sister’s house, at 6 pm the night before.

So instead, he keeps saying no and puts it off until morning, until he can ask a coworker to help him?

Also, in his work area, all of the other (female) employees work under him. He is their superior. He said it’s not weird if he asks T to do it, who is the most mom-like person he works with.

Yes it is? Not to mention, do I actually think you’re going to go to T? Yeah right. I said “It’s like you are trying to get into intimate situations with your coworkers and it’s so wrong. Did someone help you?” He said no. I said “Good.

Get some boundaries because that is beyond inappropriate.”

Maybe it wouldn’t be if he was a hairdresser or went to one?! But to ask your subordinate to get all up in your business to make sure your hair is even for you?

He got up, went to the bathroom, and went to the bedroom, and shut the door.

That was at 7:45 pm, two nights ago. We have said few words to each other since, probably no more than 10. He went to see his grandma in the hospital so it was about that. And yet we still haven’t spoken.

We’ve had other problems with workplace boundaries in the past as well.

He didn’t even do anything but it made me feel really uncomfortable and now he’s going to make it out like I’m the jerk for how I spoke to him. Idk, am I way overreacting? I mean supposedly it didn’t even happen. Idk, AITJ??”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. “We’ve had other problems with workplace boundaries in the past as well. He didn’t even do anything but it made me feel really uncomfortable…” This line alone makes me believe YTJ. There have been boundary issues at work in the past, they were not actually anything but it made you uncomfortable.

It makes it sound like you have some unresolved issues in this overall situation. Every workplace is different and it sounds like you’re projecting your work experiences onto his. His could be very different. While I’m a male in my last jobs I have cut other male employees’ hair, I have nowhere near enough skill to do women’s hair.

With that being said in my current other jobs I’ve had that would be totally inappropriate. INFO: Honestly reflect…Had he gone to a male employee at or below his level, or a male/female employee at or above his level would this still be an issue?

Part of this post sounds like the issue is him selecting a woman and/or someone subordinate to him.” Remarkable-World9396

Another User Comments:

““He didn’t even do anything but it made me feel really uncomfortable and he’s going to make it out like I’m the jerk for how I spoke to him” – well, this is totally accurate.

Interesting that you came to the right conclusion, but still posted. YTJ. You blew this way out of proportion. There is nothing “intimate” about a haircut. You’re insecure and looking to pick fights. Just from this post, I know you’re argumentative and seek drama, and when you can’t find any you make it.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I really and truly don’t get the YTJ (unless they are stuck on misreading the line about past issues which you clarified).  Y’all, imagine if your boss rolled in one day and asked you to cut their hair???  That is absolutely unhinged. That amount of physical touching, closeness, and coercion (yes, many people would have trouble saying no to someone in charge of hiring and firing) is gross and most likely illegal in a lot of places.

Not to mention asking his employees to be covered in all his tiny little hairs from shaving (I know, I am the one who shaves my partner’s hair). You are being a good partner to warn him because HR could be the next conversation he has about it, and to also look out for the women he works with.

Please don’t let him or anyone else use that to say you’re being “crazy” or jumping to conclusions. The fact that he is sulking shows he is embarrassed or super defensive. Anyone saying he doesn’t like your haircuts and doesn’t know how to tell you, okay then he can go to a barber– seems like he does a 1 level haircut that is super cheap, much less expensive than losing your job from pressuring your supervisees to cut your hair.” spacedinosaur1313131

“I (30M) was on a flight from Atlanta to LAX last night. Packed flight, everyone just trying to get some sleep. About two hours in, the lights come on and an announcement crackles through the intercom: turbulence ahead, fasten seatbelts.

Pretty standard stuff.

Then, all chaos breaks loose. This woman, maybe late 40s, impeccably dressed, starts freaking out. Screaming about air pockets, demanding to speak to the pilot, the whole nine yards. The flight attendant (super patient lady, bless her) tries to calm her down, explains it’s standard procedure, turbulence is normal. Nope, not having it.

This lady, who we’ll name Jane, throws a fit. Not the screeching, nails-on-a-chalkboard kind, but a cold, steely fury. She accuses the flight attendant of lying, of putting everyone in danger, and demands to be deplaned immediately. Flight attendant says that’s not possible mid-flight, and Jane launches into this whole spiel about how she’s a doctor (pulls out an ID to prove it), and if something happens, it’s on the airline.

Now, the rest of the plane is awake. People are grumbling, some looking scared, a baby starts crying. The flight attendant is trying to reason with Jane, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. Finally, I just lose it. I yell out (probably a little too loudly), “Look lady, we all get turbulence.

It’s not a five-star resort, but it’s safe. Sit down and shut up before you get yourself arrested!” Everyone stares at me.

Jane spins around, eyes blazing, and starts in on me about disrespecting a medical professional. I fire back that a real doctor wouldn’t be causing a scene and freaking everyone out.

The flight attendant dives in, trying to mediate, but the damage is done. We hit some turbulence, not terrible, but enough to jostle the plane. Jane freaks again, and some people start getting panicky.

I feel awful, maybe I made things worse? The flight attendant gives me a look that could curdle milk, but then steers Jane away to talk to her privately.

By the time we land, things are calmer, but the tension is thick. Jane gives me a withering look as she disembarks, and a few people mutter thanks under their breath.

So, AITJ? Did I just escalate a bad situation, or was I right to shut down a meltdown that was putting other passengers on edge?

I’m honestly not sure.”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ, but unknowingly. The crew is trained to handle these sorts of situations and you in your frustration escalated it. I fly. A lot. I’m also a very big guy who looks like he can handle himself. There’s kind of an unwritten rule that if there’s an aggressive passenger I sit the heck down but pay attention, don’t jump in, don’t risk making things worse in an attempt to fix the issue.

Sit down, shut up, and if the crew needs help they’ll ask. You ever watch/play netball? Unlike a lot of sports where players will call for the ball, open players in netball say “here if you need”. Or, imagine going to the supermarket and seeing someone with a pallet stocking shelves you don’t just start grabbing stuff and putting it on a shelf saying “I’m just trying to help”.

Let the professional handle it.” chalk_in_boots

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. It doesn’t matter that you’re being rude to the fake doctor; it matters that you’re disrespectful to the flight attendant and the other passengers. You’re not Batman, performing some distasteful but necessary vigilantism; you’re just a second loud jerk yelling at the first loud jerk.” Nooooope

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Hard disagree with everyone telling you you’re a jerk. Maybe more people should present a united front instead of getting out their phones to take videos of flight attendants (or servers, or store clerks, etc) getting verbally abused. If a handful of people tell you to shut up, you’ll probably shut up.

Too much sitting back and relying on some authority figure imo.” jdt419

“So to make a long story short, I started kind of a weird tradition in my friend group. I’m not able to go to weddings much because I have kids, so instead I’ve been hand-making crochet stuff for my friends to wear, mostly small things like scrunchies, and gloves.

Most of my friends have been super appreciative and love getting handmade gifts, since they know it can take me hours or even days depending on how big it is.

Well we found out my friend Jay is getting married in April, and we are all super happy for her but it does seem like short notice.

Jay asked me if I could crochet her a wedding dress that looked like her grandmother’s since the original dress was lost in a fire this summer. She wants everything to be exactly like her grandma’s dress, down to the yarn color. I was a bit taken aback to say the least, a dress of that scale would take months to make not to mention finding a color match to the yarn is not super easy.

I asked her to send me some pictures of the dress to see what I could do and let’s just say the thing is gorgeous but there’s no way even a skilled crochet expert could get that done in less than 2 months. I politely explained to her that I couldn’t possibly make the whole dress for her on such short notice, but I could make her a cute shawl, with the same stitch to pay homage to her grandma’s dress.

She responded by saying I was a jerk because I was playing favorites with friends by not making her what she wanted and then dramatically stormed off.

Our friends are kind of split, all of them who do homemade crafts agree with me that Jay’s expectations are unrealistic.

My other friends seem torn cause on one hand this dress meant a lot more to her than just a regular project, and that I should have handled it more gently than I did.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – As a former hobbyist crocheter my wrists ached at the thought of doing that much work!

Also… WHAT? Like, people getting wedding dresses done will have fittings and revisions to make sure everything fits. Is Jay expecting that as well? Even if you had all the materials sourced and ready to go, that’s a full-time job just stitching the thing in two months!

Sure, crochet projects grow quickly, which is why it can be surprisingly fast to do a scrunchie, a glove, or a shawl. But a dress? Yikes! So, basically, as a former crafter, you are not the jerk in the least.” Anovadea

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – what kind of friend calls you a jerk for not doing a favor?

I get being disappointed but to get that angry at someone is crazy to me. I wrap my head around her entitlement to expect you to drop everything and do this for her. If it were me, I’d be done with the friendship – it seems very one-sided based on what you’ve described here.” Greylen

Another User Comments:

“NTJ and you handled it fine. To be called a jerk for it would be the end of the friendship for me personally. Her wicked entitlement is showing. I crochet and can’t even imagine a request like this at the last minute.

Even if she paid you the timeline is ridiculously unrealistic.” NotTheMama4208

“My daughter (17F) started a YouTube channel some time ago where she would post “get ready with me” and makeup tutorials and stuff. Most of which I am ridiculously unaware of, so I didn’t pay much attention to what she was doing.

She enjoyed it, and it didn’t pull her grades down, so I thought it was fine.

Recently a friend sent me one of her videos saying I might want to look at it. She’d filmed my younger son tripping and falling down the stairs, and to be fair it was pretty funny but also completely unacceptable to put online.

I didn’t know she was posting our family on YouTube so I checked out her channel, and a lot of her videos are about her two brothers. Some are innocent enough, but some are basically making fun of them and embarrassing clips I’m sure they didn’t know were being filmed. I told her I’m very disappointed and I want her to delete the channel, she got upset and said she almost has a thousand subscribers and then she can make money from it.

She said she won’t post our family anymore but I feel she’s already broken trust with this. AITJ?

Edit – I realized I didn’t include this. The reason I said she’s broken trust already is because when she started the channel, I said there are all sorts of nonsense on YouTube and I support her making a channel if she wants, but the rule is she can only post things she wouldn’t mind me and my wife seeing.

And I think it’s pretty clear that we would have minded this.”

Another User Comments:

“Others have already pointed out that she shouldn’t be mocking people (especially family) or filming anyone without permission. I’d just like to throw in a piece of advice– she’s a minor with a YouTube channel, you should absolutely be more aware of not only what she’s posting, but her comment section.

As you said, she showed some poor judgment with what she posted, there’s A LOT of room for poor judgment in comment sections and DMs (honestly can’t remember if YouTube has DMs, but you get my point).” ElysiumAsh23

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your minor children cannot give legal consent to be filmed and put online, so she needed your consent as the parent.

Not only did she not get that, but she also put children on the internet for mockery. I agree with some of the comments about having her only delete videos instead of a channel, but she has also shown behavior that is untrustworthy. If you let her continue the channel, maybe all videos have to have parent approval first. If any of this is monetized, her brothers should get the money as a fine for the breach.” GnomieOk4136

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I almost want to go YTJ for your lackadaisical attitude towards social media. Your underage daughter has a public YouTube channel. That alone places her in a very precarious position. She has strangers watching and commenting on her videos. She’s worried about viewer rates and possible monetization.

She is turning herself into a business/brand while opening herself and your family to public lives and public scrutiny. Generally speaking, more and more studies are showing the harm that can be done to children (and especially girls) when being active on socials. There’s a reason states and countries want to ban underage use.

I absolutely agree that filming and posting her brothers without permission, especially with the intention of mockery, is a huge problem. However, I think you are being overly dismissive of the choices and attitudes that lead to her making those choices in the first place.

I don’t necessarily think that teenagers shouldn’t be on social media. I do think that if they are allowed to do so parents and caregivers need to play a huge part in monitoring their usage as well as actively teaching them healthy ways to navigate social media and the internet in general. I don’t think internet use and social media is something you can have a hands-off approach with and only step in when things get difficult.

The fact that you have/had no idea what your daughter was posting, who she was engaging with, or how her social media site was affecting her emotional health is a huge problem to me. If the only thing you care about is if she’s keeping up her grades then you are going to miss a ton of warning signs, not just when it comes to the internet but about her life in general.” EmpressJainaSolo