People Let Us In On Their Most Personal "Am I The Jerk?" Stories

“My (f 33) birthday is coming up next month and I love skiing. I have not been able to ski this year because of work. I work remotely but I just started a new job and it’s very demanding. Last month my partner (m 48), his kids (f 14 and f 16), and my son (m 14) all went skiing. Although I was unable to ski due to work, I stayed at the condo we had on the hill and made them every meal.

For my birthday, I had asked if we could go skiing, and my partner agreed and suggested a location they had been to before but I had not. It was his girl’s favorite. I did prefer elsewhere, but I happily agreed, as any skiing is better than none, and I want to make sure that everyone has a good time. I do have a strong relationship with his youngest, as she’s just around more, but with his older daughter, it is always positive from my end, though she does have a lack of respect for me. She likes me but doesn’t respect me. I have felt in the past like my partner could have stepped in at times when she was being over the line, as I would never have tolerated that type of behavior from my son not just to a partner but to any adult or human being for that matter. I do not discipline his children as I don’t feel comfortable doing so and I don’t want to make waves.

He asked his girls if they would like to come skiing for that weekend at the place that we had picked as they preferred it, and both didn’t want to. For this reason, we are not able to go on a ski trip at all. His relationship with his oldest is becoming strained (teenagers) and a contentious relationship with his ex doesn’t help. In my opinion (I have not expressed this to him) his ex-wife and he are in almost a competition to be most liked. Because of this, the girls are not ever told no or held accountable.

I decided that I would book a ski trip for just myself and my son, and he could stay back with his girls. He was a little mad and seemed hurt that I would be going without him as he wanted to spend my birthday with me. I told him that he absolutely has the option to spend my birthday with me, and I’m more than happy for everyone to come. I feel like sometimes we don’t always have to do what the kids want to do, and I spend the bulk of my time making sure that everyone is happy and taken care of and their needs are all met before my own, as all parents do.

For one weekend I want to do the things that I want to do and I find it unfair that because they don’t feel like it I can’t. With zero bitterness or resentment, I am happy to go on a trip with my son.

WIBTJ if I take the trip knowing he wants to spend my birthday with me?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ.

1) You invited everyone so nobody is being “ditched”.

2) You are not married and obviously have different responsibilities with your respective children.

3) It’s ok if someone is disappointed, but …. that’s life. He had the decision to go or not to go, and as the adult he could have told his kids everyone is going, but he chose not to do this. Not your choice, but his. Seems he could even let his daughters stay with their mother for that weekend and still join you, but HE chose not to do that.” catskilkid

Another User Comments:

“YWNBTJ. Sounds like SO doesn’t want to spend your birthday with you. He wants to spend it with his kids, but he’ll let you join in. I realize that SO needs to maintain a good, healthy relationship with his kids and that they should always be a priority for him; but should they be the only priority? You, at least, need to make yourself a priority, even for a day or two.” ParagonOfAdequacy

Another User Comments:

“So you have to do what his kids want, but not what your kid wants? That’s totally unfair to you and your son. He is being a jerk demanding you fall in line for his daughters’ whims. Go on your birthday trip and his response will tell you what your future looks like. NTJ.” guardlamamama

“I (16F) was in the hospital until a few days ago because of my heart. I was born with a heart condition and I got sick again a few weeks ago. They did surgery and now I’m recovering and already doing way better. But while I was in the hospital I had a fight with my mom and her husband but mostly my mom and I need some perspective on whether I’m wrong or not.

My dad was in an accident when I was 6. He suffered bad brain damage and was not the same person he used to be. He’s not able to take care of himself, he needs a wheelchair and he had to learn to talk again but that came slowly and after a lot of years. He has improved in recent years but he’s permanently disabled and he has a bunch of health problems that came from the accident. My mom and dad were married when the accident happened but after dad was made permanently disabled my mom divorced dad. He’s taken care of by my uncle, his brother, now. Mom told me it was in our best interest to move on.

My mom ended up marrying a guy called Jason. When she told me she was seeing him I called her a bunch of names and did not take it well. I also didn’t take the news of the divorce easily either. I was so angry. Mom told me it was better for us. So Jason moved in and they got married. Then we found out he had a then 4-year-old (he didn’t know) and she moved in. Then Mom and Jason had two kids together.

One big issue I have is that Mom expected me to see Jason as my new dad and she encouraged me to let Dad go and instead rely on Jason. She tried to cut me off from Dad but the courts did not like that and even though he doesn’t have custody where I live in his house, I get to see him several times a month per the courts. My mom thinks I would be healthier and have a better life if I let Jason be my dad. Jason told me a few times how much it offends him that I would rather have someone who can never be a dad to me again over him.

I’m not very close to my stepsister or half siblings either. I know none of this is their fault but I don’t spend a lot of time at home and don’t want to be around them because it means being around either Mom or Jason.

So anyway, when I was in the hospital and they told me about the surgery, I called my uncle and asked if Dad could come and see me and be there for some of it. My mom didn’t like that and she told me she didn’t want the other kids to see my dad because of the way he is. I told her they didn’t have to see him but I wanted to. My mom told me that means my siblings can’t be there and I told her I would rather have my dad there than them. That he’s my dad. I told her I would pick Dad over her and Jason too. I told her she might have declared him worthless because of his disability but he will always be my dad and she better accept it or she’ll lose me.

My dad was with me before surgery and when I woke up. Mom is still upset about what I said. She held onto it until I got home from the hospital but she said my siblings feel so rejected by what I said.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom is not a good person. Not only for dumping your dad, but for forcing Jason on you who is also bad for forcing himself, and also for repeating what you said to your siblings and driving a wedge between you guys. That was messed up and cruel. Those kids never should have heard that; there was no reason. NTJ to you for needing your dad. As soon as you can I hope you can go live with your uncle and dad. Can you talk to your uncle about how bad things are at home?” Fooftato

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Wow, first of all, I’m glad you’re doing okay. Heart conditions are no joke. Second, your mom is way selfish and 100% the jerk here. You love your dad, and that is enough reason for you to want him there beside you. I’m sorry your mom is behaving this way. You seem like a good person. Do not allow your mom to guilt or shame you for loving/needing your dad. Her feelings are her problem, not yours.” Jadedangel13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mom is on the road to losing you completely.. And in fairness, if you really want to hit her where it hurts, you could point out to Jason how quickly she divorced your dad and moved on when your dad had his life-altering accident.. and ask him, “What do you think she’d do if something similar happened to him?”” Yama858077

“I (29F) am expecting my second child (first boy) with my husband (30M). When we found out it was a boy I immediately knew that I wanted to name him after my brother, let’s say “Noah”, whom I loved very much and was very close to growing up. He passed away in a car accident when I was 17 (he was almost 21). My husband likes the name as well and has always been on board with us naming a son, if we ever had one, after my brother.

However this past weekend when I told my parents I was planning on naming our baby “Noah”, they got very upset and told me that I couldn’t. They told me that it would be disrespectful to Noah’s memory, and would be like “replacing him” with a new member of our family named Noah. They also said it’d be painful for them to always hear the name and be reminded that my brother isn’t here anymore. I was disappointed, because in my mind I thought of it as a way to honor my brother, and I’ve wanted to do this for a while. But I agreed, since I do see how for my parents it could be painful.

I told my husband and he didn’t really get the whole “replacing” thing and was a bit miffed, but agreed we could choose another name. We decided that instead, we’d have Noah be our baby’s middle name.

However when I stopped by my parents’ house this afternoon and brought this up to them, asking them how they’d feel about it, they kind of flipped out again. My mom accused me of just using this as a roundabout way to make our son’s name Noah, and that once he’s born we’re just gonna end up calling him that instead (we wouldn’t), while my dad just got very angry and asked why we were so insistent on making things painful for them. I had no idea how to respond, since I’ve never really fought with my parents before, and I’ve honestly never seen them get that angry before—so I just apologized and said okay.

When I told my husband about this he got pretty upset and said that my parents were being ridiculous and that I have every right to name my son after my brother if I want to. He thinks we should just go ahead and make his middle name Noah.

My sister (23), who lives with my parents at the moment, got wind of the argument when she got home from work and texted me saying that our parents were being crazy and I should make our baby’s FIRST name Noah. That our parents have no right to tell me what I can or can’t name my child. I kind of disagree, mainly because I’m worried about the rift it would cause with my parents and it seems crazy to ruin our relationship over a name? Yet at the same time I don’t feel like I’m the unreasonable one here, so idk.

So, what do people think? WIBTJ if I made Noah his middle name? And I’m curious, even though I’ve already decided I’m not going to, WIBTJ if it was his first name?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. They lost a son, there’s nothing more painful than to bury a child. But you lost a brother. So did your sister. Your parents seem to have some unresolved grief issues here. When my brother died, my mother wrote us all a letter saying there would be no memorial, no obituary, nothing, he was just on a long trip. After a few days, she told us she realized that we were grieving too and she’d been selfish. So some people just want to wipe out the memories so they don’t have to feel but they’re just burying the pain and grief. I don’t know what the answer is. You know your parents better, would it truly cause a lifelong rift? Why would your mom accuse you of trying to deceive them? What is the source of their anger? When they see you’re serious, maybe they would come around? I had my heart set on naming my first son after my grandfather. Everyone hated the idea, except my husband and my grandmother. And my brother, who is also named after my grandfather. But I asked him first if he thought he might want to name HIS son if he had one after our grandfather. His fiance said she hated that name and it wouldn’t happen. It didn’t. But they were also divorced within 4 years. Off topic. NTJ. name your baby what makes you happy and I wish you all the best.” cordelia1955

Another User Comments:

“I’m just going to say. One of my cousins named his son after his brother who died. His parents haven’t said anything directly to him and he himself has a bit of an oblivious personality, but for years his parents pretty much winced or startled when grandson’s name was said. The constant reminder was upsetting for them. Honestly, it isn’t nice to see and it probably isn’t fair to grandson either. You’re not a jerk for wanting to name your son after your brother as a first name but personally, I wouldn’t do it in these circumstances. Not if you’re hoping for your parents to be part of your son’s life. I think the middle name is fine. It’s not the same constant reminder as a first name but given the strength of your parents’ reactions, it might be better to simply not.” disagreeabledinosaur

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. They are clearly heavily grieving and it would be a jerk move to use your brother’s name as a first name when they have very clearly told you how it would make them feel. I think they’re worried you’re using the middle name as a loophole to eventually start using it as a first name. As long as you don’t ever call your kid by it then it’s fine, but your parents might still be uncomfortable and that will be reflected in how they treat you and your child. At the end of the day, this was a name they chose for their baby who died and they don’t see you using it as a way of honoring him, but replacing him. Whether you agree with it or not, they’re the ones who lost a child and you can’t change how they feel.” chaserscarlet

“My (27F) partner (36M) of 8 years works at the Amazon distribution center and I am the one to give him rides to and from work, as he works overnights and I work days. He does have a friend who takes him to work 1 time a week. I also take him to appointments when needed and to the gym daily. He does not have a car or license at this time due to several unpaid speeding and parking tickets.

So about 3 weeks ago I was laid off from my job in marketing. I was making about $55 an hour and holding things down at home with the mortgage and bills without any issues, so I never found it necessary to ask him for gas money to take him to work and home. I figure he works hard and doesn’t get paid much so why make things worse for him? I fill up my gas tank about once a week for $60. I understand that he is making only $16 an hour and working only about 24 hours per week. I am also privileged to have gotten a master’s degree, so I can see how charging him for gas may be a jerk move. But now that I am unemployed and living on much less from unemployment, I am on a budget. I feel like I’m making changes to my lifestyle such as letting go of my personal training sessions, going natural with my nails, and avoiding overconsumption.

So on Thursday, I asked him about paying to fill up my tank once every two weeks, and I’ll pay the other two weeks, and he got really upset and told me how much easier life has been for me and how I take that for granted. He also says he doesn’t have the money to pay $120 a month for gas (which is understandable because he only makes about $350 every week) even though I have been paying all the bills since we moved in together 4 years ago. I told him that I am not a free Uber service and I feel taken advantage of at times. He still has avoided talking to me about the matter. Am I the jerk in the situation?”

Another User Comments:

“Pleeeeaaase tell me he’s not on the deed to your house. Can’t keep a license because he drives irresponsibly and doesn’t pay his fines, works minimum wage part-time, thinks it’s your responsibility to chauffeur him around and pay for the privilege, pays no bills, and started a relationship with a teenager when he was almost thirty. He is not a winner. NTJ.” TerrifyinglyAlive

Another User Comments:

“He’s a 36-year-old grown man only working part-time because you’ve been footing ALL the bills for the past four years. Now he’s got a sense of entitlement, outraged that you would dare to ask him to pay for the gas he’s using. Now you’re getting the silent treatment because you dared to speak the truth. He needs to get a full-time job and start contributing. As your partner, he should be trying to make your life easier. You’re stressed out because you just lost a job. So what does he do to help? Tell you how easy it’s been for you? What does he do in his spare time (which he has a lot of), play video games? How else does he contribute, if not financially? Does he clean the house? Does he do more than 50% of the housework, since you’ve been paying all the bills? Sure seems like you’re getting played. You might be a chump, but you are NTJ.” wordsmythy

Another User Comments:

“Why is a 36M still working part-time and without a car? Yes, there can be a lot of valid temporary/emergency reasons for it but if it’s his normal situation, OP, take this layoff as the blessing it can be and jettison yourself from this dead weight. YOU LOST YOUR JOB and he’s complaining about giving you money to help cover gas to HIS job? No! 4 years together and you still pay all the bills? If he’s told you you’re privileged for getting a master’s or the jerk for asking for gas money, you have been gaslit. Now is the perfect time for a start-over girl.” OkHistory3944

“I don’t have anything against religion or people who are religious, it is just not for me.

Let’s start from the beginning, I (M22) was raised in a protestant Christian household. Not just my parents but all my grandparents, aunts and uncles, nephews and nieces, and other relatives are religious. It was never very strict or a bad experience growing up, I wasn’t allowed to watch South Park for example but other than that I can’t remember there ever being a thing I wasn’t allowed to do due to religion (other than cursing).

Sure, when I was younger, like until 12 years old, I thought that God was real and that the bible contained nothing but the truth. But the main real reasons for that were;

• Most adults in my life were religious.
• Afraid of going to a bad place if I didn’t believe.
• The bible was over 1000 pages long, surely no man could ever think of that by themselves.

I was brought to Sunday school, went to church at least once a week and when I became too old for Sunday school, I went to a weakly teenage ‘Sunday’ school (catechism).

I tried to believe in God for a long time but it just never clicked for me. I think when I was 17 or 18 years old, I stopped trying. I still went to church like every other week to keep my parents happy. Honestly thought I could just keep up the façade and never have to deal with this.

Well tonight it finally happened, my mother was angry at me for not going to church today (I have been going less and less recently) and she asked “do you even still believe in God”. We’ve had this discussion before but today I couldn’t keep lying anymore and told her the truth; “no, I don’t and I never really have.”

We talked for about an hour in which I explained how I felt, and my reasons for ‘stopping’ to believe.

Now my mother is crying, feeling guilty for putting me on this planet, guilty for failing to raise me to be a Christian, guilty for failing God, and guilty for ‘ruining’ my soul. She is now angry at me for rejecting God and lying to them and basically said that she didn’t want to see me for a while.

I tried to point out that in the bible it says that God has come for all. But she’s adamant in her belief that without God your life is basically doomed.

I feel terrible and told her so, but I think it is unreasonable to ask me to believe in something I just simply don’t. Honestly, this was the reason I never told her, my mom is very emotional and I knew she would break down if I ever told her this.

“I can’t believe I would ever hear this from one of my own children” was the last thing she said before I left.

So, AITJ for lying about it and upsetting my mother?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Unfortunately when people become so transfixed with the rites and rigors of a religion that they lose track of the underlying message – just be decent and love one another – turning away from religion is interpreted as some sort of gross sacrilege. The spite that came out against you is the exact opposite of what the basics of Christianity are supposed to be about. So no, you’re not at fault here.” Fearless_Spring5611

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – you believe what you believe. And she wasn’t feeling guilty about anything, she was trying to shame you for your beliefs. There is a big difference. I am sorry to say that she is a hypocrite. Christians believe in Jesus, and nothing that man ever did implies he would not accept you and never give up on you because you believe something different. Her belief system is skewed.” SkynetMCP

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Aww OP you didn’t do anything wrong. You were asked a question and you told the truth. You don’t believe and that’s fine! Now really as a Christian your mum should love you regardless and accept you but we all know that not all Christians act like that. It’s a sad situation but it’s better than living a lie.” FlyGuy1922

“So, I recently gave birth to my and my husband’s first child, a girl. When I was pregnant, we had a lot of trouble deciding on a name, but I finally found one I liked and my husband said he was fine with it.

My husband was playing Street Fighter and I watched for a few seconds, and the character Juri was on screen, and something just clicked. I really loved the sound of the name and brought it up to my husband. He was a bit unsure at first since the character is apparently a psychopath (I don’t really know anything about the game or character) but I assured him it’d be fine since we aren’t literally naming the baby in honor of the character, and that since it’s also a real name it’s not like it’s inherently tied to that. He ended up agreeing to go along with it, and said it was a nice name regardless.

So, months later, the baby’s born, and I’m talking with a friend of mine. She ended up asking how we picked the name Juri, and I brought up that it was kind of a funny story and explained how we picked it. She was kind of astonished, saying that I was naming my character after a villain who’s a “psychopath” and that I was setting my daughter up to be bullied. I argued that it’s a real name and that it’s not like I was naming the kid something like Darth Vader where anyone who hears it will immediately associate it with a villainous character. My husband chimed in saying he went to high school with someone named after Melina from Mortal Kombat (who is also apparently a crazy villain character) and everyone just thought it was cool when they found out. The friend just said that I was setting my daughter up for a lot of hardship in the future, and now I’m second-guessing my choice. I didn’t think it’d be a big deal but a few other people among my friends/family found out the origin of the name and are now telling me it was horrible to name my child that. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“As a dad and former lawyer, I’m so jealous you’ll have a kid named Juri. Mom: is the baby asleep? Dad: the Juri is still out. Mom: (Gives the toddler a cheerio to get them to put on some shoes.) Dad: Hey, that’s Juri tampering.

Anyway, NTJ. You’re going to love the name and it isn’t Scar or Darth Vader. It’s a name with independent meaning from its “bad guy” associations.” SpaceJesusIsHere

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It’s not a super common villain name if that makes sense and it is very cute. I doubt most people would recognize where it’s from off-the-bat and when your daughter shares the origin it will likely be with people she’s close to and who would find humor in it not judgment.” Thegetupkids678

Another User Comments:

“According to Google: Juri is a gender-neutral name with contested origins. While the Slavs look upon it as their version of George, meaning “farmer,” the moniker takes on a life of its own in Japanese since how it’s spelled usually dictates what it means. But it can range from “congratulations” to “longevity” to “pear” and even “village.” Whichever interpretation you’re drawn towards, Juri has a very comforting quality to it which can help your little one feel at home wherever they are in the world. The question at hand however is do we find the name suitable…sorry, but it’s a bit silly…you asked.” ConsitutionalHistory

“My parents divorced when I (16f) was 3 and my older brother was 5. Our parents shared custody of us and it was just us in each household for 10 years give or take. About 5 years ago Dad started seeing his wife Marge. We met Marge a few months into her and dad’s relationship and then 4ish years ago we met Marge’s daughter who is now 15. For the sake of the post, I’ll call her Maddy.

From the get-go Maddy was super excited to have “siblings” and she told us she was going to be our sister and we were going to be her brother and sister. She wanted to be included in anything she saw as sibling time. My brother and I never called it that and we were both a little annoyed by her enthusiasm and insistence that she was just our sister. My dad and Marge weren’t even engaged and she’s not our biological sister. But we didn’t say anything to her. We just disliked it when she was so eager to cling to us.

I lost my brother just over a year ago. His death was really traumatic for me, my mom, and my dad, and it led my mom into a mental health crisis that she has not recovered from. Because of this I now live with my dad full time and visit my mom in the facility she is staying in where they are doing their best to help her. She was released a couple of times but has been unable to cope without the extra support this facility offers.

Living with my dad has not been easy. Maddy was depressed when my brother died and wanted me to be her big sister when I couldn’t give a darn about her honestly and I did not want to be the one supporting her through my brother’s death.

I don’t know why exactly but Maddy decided she was going to learn more about my brother and reached out to a couple of my brother’s friends in November. And at some point during this conversation or whatever they had, they let slip that my brother couldn’t stand Maddy and that he never said anything nice about her. This shocked and devastated Maddy.

Maddy started therapy in January after she didn’t bounce back from the comments. Before this, my dad and Marge tried cheering her up but she was a mess and couldn’t stop thinking about it. My dad mentioned after Maddy started therapy that she really wanted her big sister to reach out to her. She worried I felt the same way. I told my dad I wasn’t worrying about Maddy. I was more worried about me.

A couple of weeks ago Maddy mentioned in a therapy session where Marge and my dad were present that she cried when she knew I was around sometimes hoping I would comfort her and I never did, she said it really hurt her that I didn’t reach out. After that session, my dad confronted me and told me I should be doing better by my sister. I ignored him and did not comfort Maddy. She mentioned it again in her last session and afterward, my dad told me I might be missing my brother but I have Maddy and should cherish her the way I did my brother and that one day I will regret not being there for her.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She cried on purpose to see if you would comfort her? That’s pathological. She might have some sort of disorder that prevents her from developing normal attachments because this all is a bit…much. You’ve got enough going on and it is always a parent’s job to care for children before it’s a sibling’s (or step-sibling’s) job.” ___coolcoolcool

Another User Comments:

“As someone who had step-siblings shoved up my butt. They were not my siblings. Just because my dad married someone with kids doesn’t make them my siblings. But I was supposed to act like they were my siblings and call her mom. Never could get there. NTJ Maddie is not your problem, and they need to stop trying to make that happen.” ButtonsSnapZipper

Another User Comments:

“Op I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your mother get better. My heart breaks for you. Please focus on yourself. Of course you are NTJ. The biggest jerk is your dad. It is good Maddy is in therapy because the girl is not right. And the fact your father is forcing you to think about Maddy and comfort her and is not offering individual therapy for you is just… cruel. I hope once you turn 18 you will move out.” Any-Rip-8105

“My (f17) dad got a “once in a lifetime” job in another country. My mom died 4 years ago so my options were to go with him or stay with my half-sister (30) like a half hour away. I didn’t want to leave during my senior year so I’m staying with her.

First, her house has 2 bedrooms and she has 3 kids (1, 4, 5) so I have to share a room with her and the 1-year-old. The rooms in her house are not that big so it’s so cramped. She got me a loft bed because that’s the only way she could fit a bed and dresser in the room for me.

She also treats me like her kids’ nanny. She works from home but it’s my job to pick her kids up from daycare (literally 4 blocks from her house. She could do it herself) and she expects me to watch them until she’s done. I don’t get paid for this, plus my dad pays her to take care of me.

I’ve complained about it before but she says I need to contribute if I want to live here and my dad won’t rent me my own place so I’m kinda stuck here.

I was trying to talk to my friends the other day and her 1-year-old was crying and her 4 and 5-year-olds were complaining that they were hungry and bored. I sent them all to their mom and she brought them back to me and said to change the baby’s diaper, make a snack, and either take them to the playground across the street or play with them.

I told her if she could get up to tell me what to do she could make the snack and change the diaper but she just handed the baby to me and walked away. When she was done she came out and saw that they were watching Frozen and she yelled at me for not doing what she said.

I told her I’m not her kids’ nanny and she needs to take care of her own kids but she said if I don’t help out she will call my dad and say this isn’t working and I need to go.

AITJ for telling my sister to take care of her own kids?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ OP but ((sigh)), the only other option left for you is to move where your father is now residing. Your sister is already telling you that if you don’t help her with childcare, then you have to go. I understand that you are upset and you definitely have the right to be but it seems that you have no other options.” Misanthrope-is-ME

Another User Comments:

“NTJ… unless that was part of the agreement of you staying there and she is getting compensation for you being there then you really don’t owe her anything. It’s nice if you help out once in a while but she is acting like you are their Nanny and you owe her. If I were you I would be asking my friends and making arrangements with them or another family member and call her on her bluff.” Fluffiest_Gremlin

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. I’m sure she doesn’t want you there any more than you want to be there. Moving a teenager into your already cramped apartment is a huge inconvenience. Stop acting like watching her kids for a few hours while she finishes up work is some huge favor for her. She didn’t need you there before you moved in, and she doesn’t need you there now. This is how you are relieving a little bit of the burden your being there is causing her. You’re the one who needs her so that you don’t have to leave the country. It doesn’t matter that your dad pays her a few hundred a month. She’s doing you a huge favor so you don’t have to leave the country and you can’t see that. Drop the attitude before she decides dealing with a rude teenager isn’t worth the free child care that she didn’t need in the first place.” throw_away_800

“I (31F) and Fiance (30M) have made the decision to ban his stepmom from the wedding. His dad thinks we are being unreasonable and jerks. These are the some of things she has done that have made us not want her at our wedding:

1. Called my Fiance weird & a jerk throughout his childhood

2. Told my Fiance that his friends weren’t really his friends and that he didn’t really have friends

3. Put a weight belt on Fiance’s sister under her clothes while being weighed at the doctor to try to get her approved for and force her into bariatric surgery as a 12 yr old

4. Told me I needed plastic surgery and Botox before our wedding

5. Throws temper tantrums rolling around on the ground when she doesn’t get her way

6. Told my Fiance “I never thought you’d get to the point of marriage with how weird you are” when we got engaged.

7. Doesn’t believe rules apply to her so she is constantly breaking our rules and boundaries.

8. Uses people’s trauma to attack and trigger them when arguing with them

9. Put a no loitering sign on my fiance’s car to tell him he was unwelcome at their house

10. Tried to force my Fiance back with his ex years later (ex is awesome and they broke up but stayed friends and we are now all good friends and I even had her come wedding dress shopping with me) because she wanted grandkids soon

11. Climbed Fiance’s step-sister’s fence because she was upset his sister cut her out of her life already

12. Called Fiance’s stepsister schizophrenic to make us think she cut stepmom out of life b/c she was crazy and not the other way around (she’s not, she’s awesome and so cool and sweet)

13. She has never apologized for anything and refuses to take accountability for any of her own actions.

14. She asks for our money and my parents’ money all the time because she wastes all of hers on plastic surgery

15. She tried to force Fiance to take the ring his sister was to inherit from their grandparent to propose to me (he didn’t we bought our own ring)

16. She storms out of the house threatening to leave his dad at any time she doesn’t get her way or is upset

17. She made Fiance’s dad have plastic surgery

18. She refuses to put her 5 dogs and 5 cats on prevention and blames us for not liking to get bitten by fleas at her house. She also thinks it’s cute and ok to feed the dogs chocolate bars and other toxic substances.

19. She showed up at Fiance’s doctor to try to get his personal medical information without his consent.

20. She minimizes my allergies (including my anaphylactic ones) saying “unless they kill her outright with immediate exposure, it should have been no harm-no foul.”

Anyway, we’ve not invited her to our wedding for these reasons but we’re being told we aren’t being fair by his dad and others so what are your thoughts?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I got as far as the third item on the list and stopped. She’s an abusive creature. It’s your wedding, you decide the guest list. It’s his stepmom, if he doesn’t want her there then that definitely makes it an easy judgment. And as for his dad? Enabling abuse is abuse.” Fearless_Spring5611

Another User Comments:

“Sounds like a great gal. If Dad enjoys being married to a toddler then he can stay home with her. Otherwise, she is not welcome (you may want to take steps to keep her from crashing) and enjoy your day although be prepared for some very big drama most likely on the day which you should avoid by blocking her number and designating someone to intercept any communication on your behalf.” Prize_Diamond_7874

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell his father she’s a reprehensible human being and a terrible mother and is no one you want at your wedding (or in your life, if you/he are ready to go NC). She’s going to be a flippin’ nightmare if grandkids are in the future. If so, you either need to carve her out of your lives as much as possible, or start your IL’s training early on, that her treatment of your SO will no longer be tolerated, there will be consequences, etc. They can consider her not being invited to the wedding as him collecting on her past-due consequences. Good luck, and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!” Hungry_Composer644

“So I (17M) and my sister (17F) are both taking an advanced course for English college credit. My sister was accused of plagiarising on a 10-point assignment from another student in my class, who I just happen to be friendly with in that class, and sit next to. (We’ll call her Jamie) I was not aware of this and I didn’t even know they were close enough to share work. So for this assignment, it was to write a summary of an article we read in class using 5 main points, and 3 of my sister’s sections were the exact same as Jamie’s, and turnitin.com flagged it as plagiarism.

Now here’s the issue, my mother is trying to defend my sister and not sign the incident report, as she fears that it will affect my sister negatively in college and her future. My mother wrote a response letter, and in it, she stated that turnitin.com had flagged 1 of my sections as plagiarism and that all students are colluding with each other. The section was only 3 sentences, as it is my smallest and most vague of them all. She also states that it’s not uncommon for students in my school to hand out answers to each other, which might pose a larger issue for me in the future.

However, the teacher can be persistent and isn’t typically fond of me, as I am usually arriving at the bell or a minute or two after it rings. I am trying hard to stay out of this drama, and I fear that my mother is going to accidentally drag me into it, and cause me problems in the future. So I asked my mother to not mention me in any of her responses, or even bring up my name at all. My mother brushed it off saying that it won’t affect me and that I should only be worried if I actually did plagiarise. I think she should respect my boundaries and leave me out of her drama.

So AITJ for asking my mother to keep me out of my sister’s plagiarism defense in order to keep myself out of trouble?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I once solved an Algebra II problem using a different method than what my teacher wanted (but didn’t specifically ask for). I pointed out to her that someone else in the class (who taught me the method) did the same and got full credit. So she took his quiz back and marked his answer wrong. Teachers can be bitter jerks.” Express-Chapter9429

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She should respect your boundaries. A lot of items that aren’t plagiarised are flagged by Turnitin – sources, titles, and sometimes phrases if they are common. Typically in college, if the score is 5% or less, teachers are fine with it. That being said, you have the right not to get dragged into this. Your mom is trying to cover for a daughter who did something she shouldn’t have done. She needs to experience the consequences of that.” goldenfingernails

Another User Comments:

“Parents can be their child’s worst enemy. Read about an elementary school-age child get called out for trying to steal a teacher’s tablet, and the parents made the teacher apologize for making him cry in front of the whole class by the principal and told them to never do anything like that again. If you don’t stand up to your mother now and defend yourself you’ll never survive on your own when you’re out of the house.” NumbersGuy22

“My husband and I come from a small religious town. While we are strongly religious we don’t follow the same strict rules as everyone else; we’re very open-minded. Our oldest son (18, Jacob) and his significant other moved in with us on her 18th birthday, due to finding out she was pregnant and her parents were extremely controlling. We were shamed by everyone in our town for the pregnancy itself, but we never paid a mind to it. Three weeks ago, Jacob’s significant other had her baby, she kept it a secret from her mother, but we’re assuming someone at the hospital opened their mouths.

Two nights ago we had a banging at my door, and it was her mother demanding to come in and see “this secret baby.” My son’s significant other said I could let her in if she promised to calm down, to which I relayed the message and obliged. Her mother was calm at first until she began talking about how she’d pray for her daughter’s soul not to be darned, and began loudly praying in my living room. I told her she needed to stop, and she began to calm down then tried telling my son’s significant other that they could fix this, that the baby is still young enough to be deeply wanted by an adopting family. My son’s significant other started crying and I told her it was time to leave.

She started saying I was sugarcoating things for these kids and that they have no clue how to raise a baby and they are too young. She called my son rude names and basically said he’d be working at the county for the rest of his life and I told her she needed to get out of my house right now, very loudly which she obliged. Later on, I got a text on social media from her saying I was a horrible role model and shouldn’t keep her from her daughter and that everyone would know what goes on behind my door. I went grocery shopping yesterday and our cashier who I know wouldn’t talk to me, and today I was actually asked to leave my church that I’ve been going to for the past 10 years by a deacon. I’m truly so upset by this, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Also, have the significant other confirm she hasn’t given permission for her medical info to be shared with her mom (she’s 18 now so any consent as a minor does not apply). If she has not, file a complaint with the hospital. Make an actual paper trail that HIPAA was violated. If you are approached by anyone feel free to say that her mom is more than welcome to visit, but only if she does so lovingly and respectfully. She is choosing whether she is allowed to visit by how she behaves. Feel free to create a go-to list of verses in which we are compelled to love sinners because I’m guessing that’s what they’re going after here in regard to your son and his significant other. Finally, give yourself a hug and a pat on the back. You are doing wonderful to support them. Remember boundaries about how you will support them are good, but them knowing they are loved and safe with you is irreplaceable.” WastingAnotherHour

Another User Comments:

“Guess what. People who use religion to intimidate, shun, and discriminate, are not Christians, no matter what they call themselves or what church they attend. They are blasphemers and it should be pointed out to them whenever they try to control or intimidate anyone. You stand by your son and his significant other and show them what true Christianity is. Love them fiercely. Protect them fiercely. Take care of them as best you can. Let them know they matter as much and as often as you can. From what I’m reading here, you’re an awesome mom. NTJ.” Key-Article6622

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your situation sounds awful, and I cannot imagine how much it must hurt your soul for your selflessness and altruism to be judged so harshly. You sound like decent people doing a very good thing. I further cannot understand a grandmother disowning her granddaughter in this way, to say nothing of her daughter.” SoImaRedditUserNow

“Usually my (39) mom will take me for dinner on my birthday with some other family members. I went vegan before my last birthday and when my birthday came around, my mom announced she was taking me for dinner to a certain restaurant she chose. I was a little surprised because in the past I would typically pick the restaurant, just like she would pick the restaurant to go to for her birthday. She reassured me there were lots of vegan options.

When we got to dinner there really were hardly any vegan options and to be honest, the food I ordered was not that good. My cousin came with us and made some comments to the server about how my vegan order didn’t really have to be vegan since it’s “a choice and not an allergy” and then she rolled her eyes at me. My mom had brought a vegan cake to the restaurant which was really nice of her, she gave it to the staff when we arrived but when they brought it out at the end of the meal they had plated the cake slices with dairy whipped cream and chocolate sauce (both not vegan items). My cousin and mom were annoyed that I wouldn’t just try to scrape what I could off.

Anyway, it just was not really a great experience and my birthday is coming up again and I’m debating whether to put my foot down and just insist that I pick a vegan restaurant. I know one where the food is not “typical vegan” and I know they will find the food very tasty, as I know their food preferences quite well. The restaurant is also very reasonably priced and easy to get to.

For context I try really hard not to be an annoying vegan, I never harass people or expect people to make special food for me or anything like that. It’s just it’s my birthday and a milestone one this year, and I kind of just want a meal I can enjoy. I have friends and family who follow a keto diet or religious belief diet or gluten-free; I have never once tried to make them feel guilty or stupid for their choices. What you eat is personal, and this is how I eat.

My mom also just has this tendency to be self-centered and preoccupied in general, and she pouts and complains when she doesn’t get her way. So beyond even the veganism thing, I did find it hurtful last year that she essentially chose a place that she knew she would like.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, I suggest getting out ahead of your family. Contact everyone in an email or group text and say, “Hey all, I’m so excited for my milestone birthday this year. A friend asked how I’d like to celebrate and I thought about it and would like to go to (restaurant) for dinner. I’d love it if you were available to join. It’ll be a small gathering of family and a couple of close friends. I’ve checked with the restaurant and they won’t have a problem with splitting checks for a large party. Let me know if you can make it on (date and time). I’ll be making the reservation in 3 days. Love you all and can’t wait to celebrate my big day with you.”” BluePopple

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. While it is kind of your Mom to want to take you out to eat, you should tell her upfront if you’re not going to enjoy it. If she insists on picking a restaurant that isn’t going to work for you, there is no harm in saying “You know, no thanks on going out this year. I’m just not feeling up for it. I really appreciate the offer though!”” jasazick

Another User Comments:

“You absolutely would be the jerk if you put your foot down and picked the restaurant for your birthday. At 39 years old, you are way too old to be stressing about this nonsense. It’s your special day, and you deserve a delicious meal that you can actually enjoy. Your family should respect your dietary choices and celebrate you properly. So go ahead and claim your birthday dining spot with confidence – this year, it’s all about YOU and what makes YOU happy. Cheers to a fabulous birthday celebration!” Marigold1245

“I went on a trip with some friends and caught a ride to the airport with one of them. It was a two-hour drive. I had of course agreed to pay my share of the gas for the drive. Afterwards, he told me that it was a company car and the gas was paid for by his employer – no matter how much he used. Nice perk.

That’s the problem though. He incurred literally no costs driving there. If I paid him gas money for gas paid for by his employer he would just be pocketing that cash. He was taxed a set amount for the perk no matter how much he used the car so no tax expenses were increased either.

I wasn’t told this before I agreed to pay gas money. In my mind gas money is meant to help cover an expense, not to make a profit off your friends. On the other hand, he did give me a two-hour ride and I saved money from that. I had also agreed to pay my share of the gas.

Was I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“Your “friend” should have asked you to buy breakfast, (or whatever), on the way to the airport, instead of gas money. Even if it was drive-through breakfast, (or whatever). Something like that would have been more appropriate. It was kind of tasteless of him to ask for gas money since he also didn’t pay for gas. But some sort of appreciation should have been shown. I mean, he didn’t have to drive you, and then you would have had to arrange something and pay for that. So you should be grateful. ESH.” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“No. NTJ. If your friend was going to the airport anyway and was getting petrol money from their company to cover it, they shouldn’t have let you offer in the first place. Here’s how the conversation would have gone between two genuine friends. P1.”Can’t wait for our trip next week. How are you getting to the airport?” P2.”Driving.” P1″Can I get a lift? I’ll chip in for gas.” P2 “No need mate. The company pays for all my gas.”” xbenicetoeachotherx

Another User Comments:

“NTJ he’s your FRIEND and you’re both going on a TRIP TOGETHER and he basically lied beforehand by not telling you he doesn’t pay for gas but wants you to just give him money, sounds like a user and a bad friend, So say for instance my friend and I have dinner together. I pay for half and then I find out he knows the owner of the restaurant. And both our meals were free, but he still wants me to pay him for half that’s disgusting.” tteejj123

“I (26F) had a 6 AM flight this morning. I was always taught that you showed up at least 2 hours early. At 3:45 AM, I took a Lyft to the airport and made it through TSA by 4:15. I went and grabbed coffee and headed to my terminal by 4:30 AM.

When I arrived at the terminal, there were 8 different gates but only one was being used so there were quite a few seats. Since I arrived early, I took one at the end by the window. I am traveling solo and like looking out the window. I started listening to my podcast trying to wipe out sleep from my eyes and kept to myself.

At about 5:15, a few minutes before boarding, a woman and her mom were wheeled to the gate. They received assistance but were able to walk on the plane. My dad also receives assistance. They started to go up my row and then stopped to ask if I would move. There were tons of open seats. Probably over 100. I definitely had a nicer, closer seat. When they asked if I would move, I said no. The younger lady called me rude and scoffed about it. Again, there were tons of open seats and I had been there for a while. I would have stood or moved if there weren’t any seats.

They took a seat a row over and glared at me the entire time until we boarded in the last group. On the plane, the person next to me called me a jerk for not moving for them. No one else offered to move.

I’m now at my layover (short flight) and I am wondering if I’m the jerk for not moving to another seat for the women.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Based on the fact that there were plenty of other suitable seats open, and your seat was not specifically marked as for disabled people, it seems incredibly entitled for them to expect you to move. If they were able to adequately justify why they needed that seat in particular then they may have had a case, but they didn’t…” Nrysis

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It seems weird that people are mad at you for not giving up a random seat when there were so many available, and right before boarding. You could have given up the seat but you were under no obligation to do so. Just to point out I use airport assistance often and I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve missed/nearly missed my flight because of hold-ups with the service. That still doesn’t entitle her to make you move though.” Zorrosmama

Another User Comments:

“I had something similar happen one time. I parked in handicapped, as I am handicapped with pots syndrome which causes me to faint when I stand or walk for more than a few minutes. And I parked in a handicapped parking spot that was NOT made for wheelchair assistance. I always make sure to do that because I do not use a wheelchair. Well, I was exiting my handicapped car and some lady asked me to move my car to a parking garage a block over because she needed my handicapped spot more than me. Lol the entitlement.” [deleted]

“So today was my niece’s first birthday and I took a gift and went to my brother’s house and we had a BBQ. The women sat inside and we had lunch then when it was time to clean I cleared the table and put away the drinks, sauces, etc, and wiped the table, etc. This is obviously out of courtesy as a guest. My sister-in-law then kept calling me out specifically to clean and her tone was bossy and told me to dry the dishes, which I did, and then sat down. I felt off about this interaction as I am a guest at the house and being told to clean repeatedly was uncomfortable.

My brother comes inside and asks where the tea and coffee are, something of the like, and she then says to my brother wait I’m cleaning on my own while your sister is just relaxing. I took offense to this and said I just cleaned up why do you keep asking me to clean? And there was a bit of back and forth and I left as I felt awkward. I wasn’t tired or lazy and had no problem cleaning I just didn’t think there was much left to do. Mind you she was being helped by my other sister who is staying with her and the majority of the family helped with the cleanup, they were just completing the dishes. My brother tried to play it off as a joke and kept asking me to stay but I was really uncomfortable.

Am I the jerk for leaving?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, you did help to clean. She just wanted more. It doesn’t sound like you made a scene, you just left. Fair enough. I don’t know if your SIL thinks she is the boss of you because of some traditional family hierarchy. Normally the host cleans and is grateful (or not, depending on the host) for any help offered. I think what you did helps to draw a line in the sand about how you expect to be treated, in a fairly low-key way, and that is no bad thing.” Squiggles567

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. But I wish you’d have stayed and given that jerk of a sister-in-law a piece of your mind. I’m sort of reminded of my time as an au pair back in the 70s. I was invited as a guest, or so I thought, to the birthday of a small child. The hostess of that party went from hostess mode to slave driver mode in about 5 seconds and since my ride to the party was also a guest and the party was in a village far from the place I lived, I had to stay there and work my fingers to the bone. A modern Cinderella story, but it only lasted a few hours. I was wary of invitations from then on, let me tell you.” FragrantEconomist386

Another User Comments:

“NTJ of course not. If she needed your help she could have asked politely if you could assist with something but she treated you like an obedient employee that was hanging on the phone instead of working. This is just so rude and entitled.” steina009

“This just came up casually in conversation with my (37f) mother-in-law (68f). In reference to meeting her at the waterfront near our home, I was asking her to narrow it down a little when she said my wife (40f) could look for her location to make it easier.

Assuming she was mistaken, I said she would have to share a location for that to work and she informed me that she and my wife have that set up 100% of the time. I laughed and said that’s so unhealthy.

Got off the phone and asked my wife to confirm and she said yes, I asked “Does that mean the opposite is also true? Are you sharing your location with her 100% of the time?”

She said yes. I was being snarky cause I thought she would agree with me. I said something like “come on, you must think that’s weird. Not even when you say it out loud?”

Anyway, she’s furious with me, says I’m being mean, she’s crying and left the house furious with me.

Am I the jerk here? I feel terrible about having blundered in and upset her, and will definitely apologize for the insensitivity as soon as we talk.

But please someone tell me – is the maps thing normal and I’m the crazy one?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. “I laughed and said that’s so unhealthy” – only if they let it be. My mom and I share each other’s locations 100% of the time. It’s never been a problem. We usually just use it if we can’t reach one another. Otherwise, neither of us really cares to check because we’re not that interesting lol.” Stranger0nReddit

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Sharing locations is a common thing people do with their loved ones: partners, relatives, close friends. It’s useful for safety and also just convenience. Not for you? Totally fine. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with other people doing it.” Capresesandwitch

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your wife’s decision to share her location with her mother and vice versa is between them. Why do you care? And why did you think anyone deserves to be the recipient of your snarky comments? “I was being snarky cause I thought she would agree with me. I said something like “come on, you must think that’s weird. Not even when you say it out loud?”” Well, you were wrong. Your wife didn’t agree with you.” [deleted]

“I’ve been racking my brain and can’t tell who the jerk is in this situation.

My roommate came home from the bar at 3:30 am with 5 people. He came into my other roommate’s room (who was sleeping) and asked if he could have an “after party” in the living room with those people, to which she said yes. He then woke me up in my room and asked to have an after-party, and I said no. He then said, “Well other roommate said yes, so how about they stay for an hour?” I angrily said “fine” and he closed my door.

In the past, I’ve always said yes to this. There have been about five other occurrences in the past. Tonight though, I had plans to wake up early and was not feeling well emotionally. I did not want people over at my house, since our walls are paper thin and I can hear everything (laughter, music, etc.)

I then quickly packed a bag and left out the back door. He noticed, and sent me a voice message saying he feels bad, but doesn’t understand why he “can’t have this one thing.” I sent a voice note back that in the future, it would be helpful to have a heads up if he wants an after party a certain night, rather than bringing people over and asking us roommates then.

I’m upset that when I said no, his response was met with “Well (other roommate) said yes”, and there was no inquiry as to why I said no, when I have always said yes in the past. It was dealt as a 2 against 1 vote.

So who is the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He manipulated you into having to say yes by putting you in a position where you can’t say no without sounding like a jerk. First, he already showed up at the house with 5 guests – which puts you in an awkward position. And second, he used your other roommate’s response as emotional guilt-tripping. This is extremely disrespectful – to even ask at this hour of the night when housemates are already sleeping is so selfish. I’ve lived in a party house and we were always respectful and had RULES for “after parties”. Let this instance go, but it sounds like you three need to sit down and establish some boundaries around parties and keep to them.” blueteamoon

Another User Comments:

“The jerk is the person who insists on waking people up in the middle of the night to ask if they can have a party. You’re right that this should be figured out ahead of time when everyone is awake. He should also take your no at face value instead of questioning it. Your roommate has an issue with boundaries and respect. If someone woke me for this reason my no would’ve been emphatic and possibly violent because waking people up unnecessarily is dangerous for your health. NTJ.” Weird-Jellyfish-5053

Another User Comments:

“Your roommate doesn’t want to have to feel bad about being an inconsiderate jerk. That’s really sad for him. He will probably live. As for the “This one thing” comment, remind him that he’s actually already had about 5 of these things and you just want this one thing of a good night’s sleep tonight. You need a meeting with all 3 of you to set ground rules. If a reasonable arrangement can’t be reached, it’s time to look for new roommates. NTJ.” Draigrousse

“I (28F) majored in Events Management and currently work as a party planner. I have 5 nieces and nephews, from my brother (31M) and my sister (36F), and I am currently pregnant with my first child. My husband (28M) and I will have parties at my house for my nieces and nephews, I do not charge my sister or brother for any of this as we are well off enough that we don’t need to. Both of my siblings are also well off enough that they could pay for services if they needed to.

My sister had 2 kids, her son Talmage (13M) and Stockton (12M), Talmage is really athletic, he plays baseball for his school and umpires for younger kids’ games. Talmage loves football as well and obviously watches the Super Bowl, he asked if he could have a Super Bowl party for him and his friends at our house and we agreed. We will also be watching Talmage this week as my sister, her husband, and Stockton are going to a war reenactment event this weekend and then a comic convention next weekend, they are in the same city and my sister and her husband just decided to spend the week there but Talmage did not want to join the trip, as it’s not his cup of tea. Talmage is also the type of kid who finds their parents cringy and will avoid embracing them, while Stockton hasn’t reached that age/phase yet.

I went to pick Talmage up from school today and when I did, he asked me if we could go to the antique store to see if he could find some game show stuff for a gift basket for a friend of his. He said that this boy (12M) is autistic and his special interests are game shows and hockey. I asked him if it was the boy’s birthday, he told me it wasn’t and that he was getting it as an apology after Stockton bullied him for being transgender, including calling him the t slur. He told me that on Wednesday, in school, Stockton was making fun of the boy in Science class, the boy is in Stockton’s grade but Talmage and his baseball teammates are still friends with this boy. I asked if his parents knew and he said yes but they didn’t ground him, Talmage also told me he “lost a few bucks to the swear jar” when he heard what happened and confronted Stockton about it.

I took Talmage to the store and told him the gift basket was on me, and that I would buy him anything he wanted too. The trip ended up costing a pretty penny, but it was worth it to see Talmage happy.

I then called my sister and asked her about it, she said that she and her husband talked to Stockton and he said he would try to use “kinder words”, I asked why they were still going on the trip and she told me that “punishing him won’t do anything, he said he’d try not to do it again”, and “he’s just a kid”. I got mad and told her if she didn’t make Stockton apologize to the boy, as well as Talmage and his friends for making them upset, and reimburse the swear jar money, that I would not host his birthday party here later this month. She called me a jerk and hung up. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it seems pretty clear where Stockton got his opinions from given the total lack of punishment and their weak response ‘oh, we don’t think punishing kids will fix anything’ lie. If they don’t think punishing kids does anything why do they have a swear jar that they forced Talmage to pay into for swearing? They pretty plainly just don’t think Stockton did anything wrong but know you will light their rear up if they openly admit that they think he did the right thing by bullying that poor kid.” Mizu005

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Good on you! They are teaching Stockton that it doesn’t matter how he treats people. He still gets to do what he wants. He’s a bully and will continue to be a bully and abusive to anyone he wants to. Tal, on the other hand, is a great kid. He doesn’t put up with his brother’s nonsense and calls him out for it. Tries to make things better for the people his brother bullies and abuses.” Fearless_Ad1685

“I (30F) and my SO (28M) have been together for 3 years. I recently found an apartment that I liked, and as my parents sold their old house last year, they had some spare cash in the bank and decided to loan me the cash to buy the place so I wouldn’t need to get bank financing.

Just for context, my SO had never shown any interest in my house-hunting expedition. I never asked him why but I assume he sees it as ‘none of his business’ as it’s not his money.

I just started the purchase process but the property isn’t mine yet. A couple of days ago, I brought the topic of moving in up (for context my SO is not moving in with me) so he asked how long the sale process will take. I said because it’s a cash purchase it will not take as long as if I was getting a bank loan. He then joked about how nice it was to buy an (x value) property in cash, but then said ‘I wouldn’t do it’. (For context I’m sure his parents could afford to do the same for him if they wanted to.) He said that he would rather invest that cash elsewhere than use it to buy a property as it would generate more returns, but it’s totally fine if that’s what my parents want.

Today after lunch I asked if we could swing by my future place to take a loop around the apartment complex, as I hadn’t taken that route from that location before. My SO has never seen the place. When we arrived, I showed him which apartment block it was and he commented that it was so near the road (not supposed to be a good thing). That was his only comment about it.

As we were leaving the area, I saw a billboard by the property developer which called the area the “Most Coveted Address” in the country. I pointed it out in a half-mocking (skeptic?) tone – not sure how to describe how I said it; while I did think it was a nice area, I did not think it was in fact the most-coveted in town. My SO then said ‘I don’t want to live here’. I told him that was not very nice and started to feel upset, so I went silent.

After a while, he asked me whether I was ok and I said I was upset. He asked why and I told him that I felt he wasn’t very supportive of my new place and it was rude to make such a comment about my future living place. I also mentioned what he said about making the purchase in cash because the initial way he said it felt judgmental, even though he did have a good reason for not agreeing with the financial decision. He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion and didn’t know why I took it personally, and said “ok I won’t state my opinion anymore then”.

I said that you wouldn’t go to someone’s house, look around, and tell them that you wouldn’t stay there, even if you did feel that way, because that’s just objectively rude. He scoffed and challenged me to a bet by asking someone else if they thought the same. So, I decided to come on here and ask the good people of AITJ – AITJ for feeling what he said was rude and getting upset?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your instincts are completely correct. He was very rudely judgemental about finances, especially while talking to his partner of 3 years, and showed a complete lack of tact, support, or respect in dismissing a place you were excited to move into. Makes me wonder what his level of respect is for you overall, given he’s acting like a bratty kid in his attitude and at best acting like he’s talking to someone he barely knows, not the girl he’s supposed to love. And if he DOESN’T love you…..it’s 3 years in. Better watch the clock, time waits for no one. But if he was having a bad day and this was a one-off situation, you are absolutely right in feeling a bit hurt and he could at least apologize. That’s a mighty bright red flag that he responded by getting angry at you for calling out his rudeness. You don’t have to suck up to your significant other, but you’re supposed to like or love them. They should be your best friend. And friends shouldn’t mock or insult what their friend is doing just because…..well, who knows. Maybe he did it just because. He’s the jerk from what’s described here.” burn_as_souls

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – and ignore him about the investment idea. Any returns would need to offset the rent he’s paying to live in someone else’s house unless he’s planning to live with his parents or freeload off of a friend, and you don’t get the benefit of being able to make changes to your home in a lot of cases. No guarantee of stability, depending on where you live the landlord can just end your lease with a couple of months’ notice and you have to leave, etc. A property to live in is a perfectly reasonable investment.” symsykins

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ. “SO had never shown any interest in my house-hunting expedition.” I find that weird. In your shoes, I would wonder if he either wants to give zero input so he can freely criticize your choice, or if he doesn’t see a future with you. “My SO then said ‘I don’t want to live here’.” Well, that’s good. Who asked him to? “He got quite angry, said it was just his opinion, and didn’t know why I took it personally.” So he can state his opinion and if you state your opinion about what he said, he has a little hissy fit. How very mature of him. “He scoffed and challenged me to a bet by asking someone else if they thought the same.” I hope you can convince him to post his viewpoint here. It would be entertaining to see all the different ways posters call him the jerk.” Dittoheadforever

“Here’s the story. Tattoos are very common in my family. I myself am heavily tattooed. I am very lucky to have a supremely talented artist in my family, and he just so happens to be a tattoo artist. So admittedly, I’m a bit of a snob. Okay, in any event. When my daughter (16) started asking about getting work done, I was fine with the idea. But I wanted her to wait until she turned eighteen, and to have my expert cousin do it for her.

My ex-wife and her husband had other ideas. They had a “family tattoo event” last week. Did not tell me beforehand, and I found out afterward that this was a deliberate decision. They didn’t want to tell me for fear that I would disagree. This piece of “work” looks horrible. It’s just a genuinely bad tattoo. So I told my daughter what I thought. I am disappointed that she was impatient and jumped into a big choice with little thought. Now no one over there will talk to me. My daughter won’t answer the phone I pay for, her mother won’t respond to me. I get the importance of a first tattoo, and in defense of my daughter, she did have a good concept behind it. She was trying to honor her great-grandmother. She just jumped the gun and in the process, now has a bad tattoo on her body. Should I have just stayed quiet? Am I wrong?”

Another User Comments:

“I would think that if you told your young daughter that she made a permanent mistake on her body then it is not surprising that she is upset. What’s the point of doing that except to make her feel bad? You need not lie about it. You can focus on what a loving, big-hearted girl she is by honoring her great-grandmother. If you have stories about the great-grandmother then share them with your daughter. You are best to talk with your ex to get into some sort of agreement on making such decisions jointly as parents. If you two cannot find a way to figure out how to work together then more one-sided decisions will happen in the future around your daughter. You don’t want that. If nothing else then at least steer her to a better tattoo artist.” Head-Meaning2741

Another User Comments:

“Soft ESH… the biggest jerk being your ex-wife. Something like a tattoo on a minor should be something both parents agree on. Honestly, I think it’s no wonder she ended up with a bad tattoo. Most good tattoo artists are able to be picky enough with their clientele that they won’t tattoo minors. Extremely poor parenting on your ex-wife’s part. As for you, I get where you’re coming from, but it was already done with. No use in making her feel bad about something she cannot change. I can’t really call your daughter a jerk because she has a dumb parent (mom). I remember when I started getting piercings with my own money as an adult, and my parent shamed me for it, saying it looked bad, even though it made me feel pretty. It was a bad feeling. I didn’t want to talk to my parent after that, mainly because I never asked their opinion in the first place but also because I liked how it looked. I felt ugly and embarrassed of myself when I looked at them. I imagine she feels similarly.” imisspeaches

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I had a similar dynamic – we actually had it written in our parenting plan that we both had to agree on tattoos. (Obviously that only lasts until 18). I was upfront with both of them that bad tattoos are forever, unhygienic tattoos can create permanent problems, and high school partners’ names always get covered, and if they did any of them I would love them, but mock them mercilessly. They both held off until 18, and they now both have tattoos, a couple of them bad, but they both were more cautious, especially about hygiene. As long as your daughter still has other ways of feeling supported by you, this is just a learning experience. It’s good to learn that getting bad work done is embarrassing and will make you the subject of mockery, because it’s the truth, and you should be careful and thoughtful before getting ink. NTJ for this, but make sure she gets the message that you still love, respect, and support her in other ways.” Sad_Construction_668

“My wife is someone who has always had a housekeeper from a young age. When we first discussed moving in together before marriage, the division of chores was a hot topic. I was on team ‘we can do it ourselves’ and she wanted to keep using the housekeeping service she had. Ultimately, I agreed to the housekeeping service after both our parents told me it’d be easier to agree to make her happy. My only thing was that it was a service she was responsible for paying for. She started out having them come every other week. Then once a week, to every other day to keep the house as clean as she liked it and do things like her laundry and emptying the trash in her hobby room.

Mid-January my wife was let go when her company downsized. She’s been having a hard time finding a job in her field. For now, she’s working part-time in retail. We weren’t making amazing money before she was let go, but we live comfortably due in part to living below our means for the most part. Since her current job doesn’t pay much I said that I would cover all of our joint expenses, ie, mortgage, property tax, utilities, and our phones so she doesn’t have to deplete her savings and our savings won’t suffer as much either.

She paid for the cleaning service in February but then yesterday asked me if I was going to set up a direct pay with the cleaning company or transfer her the money to keep paying them. It’s USD$190 a week. I told her neither – the housekeeping service was something she wanted and was responsible for. If she can’t afford it anymore without dropping her savings below a point she’s comfortable with, then we don’t need it, and I’m not going to pay for something two able-bodied adults are perfectly capable of doing ourselves.

We argued. She says I know how much she hates cleaning and that it stresses her out, and since the housekeeper cleaned up areas like the kitchen and living room and made the bed sometimes, I was benefitting from it so it counts as a joint expense. I’ve told her it doesn’t because I’m perfectly happy to clean up after myself and have cleaned rooms before when they needed it between visits. Fast forward to today and she thinks I’m still being a jerk by not paying for it. Am I being a jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. We have a housekeeper come every 2 weeks to clean up our house. A few years ago when I got laid off, I became the housekeeper, because we couldn’t afford it anymore. Once I got back on my feet with steady, full-time work. We started it back up. Since your wife is only working part-time, she now has more time than money. She should be doing the housework to make up for the money she no longer brings in. Again I say this as someone WITH A HOUSEKEEPER. If you are both working full time and can afford it, it’s nice to have the time savings of a housekeeper. But if you have more time than money you got to step up and do it yourself.” Lovebeingadad54321

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Please extend a warm welcome to reality to your wife. It seems it might be her first time joining us here. Nobody wants to clean. It’s a necessity of being an adult in your own living space. She can stomp her feet and pout all she wants, as long as she’s doing it with a broom in hand. Just because she’s been spoiled as a child doesn’t mean you need to continue it into adulthood. It’s time for her to grow up.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“$760 per month is A LOT when you are down from two incomes to 1.5, with the half probably paying a lot less.  She’s villainized what is a basic life requirement for the majority of the population. Maybe if she did it regularly, she would realize it’s not anything to flip out over, it is just an undesirable necessity. Welcome to responsible adulting. NTJ.” Only-Ingenuity7889

“We went to see Dune 2 (HIGHLY recommended) last night… in a VIP theatre with comfy seats and table service… which I mention because to attend, you must be 19+ — they serve real drinks.

Seated two rows ahead of us were three young women… 19-22 I’d guess.

They didn’t shut up during any of the previews, and spoke loudly to each other throughout the movie… which is annoying, but, unfortunately, hardly unique these days.

But what was incredibly annoying… starting at about 20 minutes into the movie, one of them got onto her phone. She was only two rows ahead and it was full brightness, so it’d be an understatement to say it was distracting. She’d text, scroll Instagram, watch TikTok videos… for a few minutes… then put it down. Ten minutes later, out came the phone again.

After the third time, I said, quite loudly, “Put the phone away!” She looked back, gave me a look like “Be quiet old man”, but put it down. And then, 10 minutes later, pulled it out again. Again, full brightness.

So I got a piece of popcorn and threw it at her… hit her on the head. As you can imagine, she turned around… “Are you serious right now?!”

“Yeah, I’m serious, can’t you live without your phone for a couple of hours?”

“Shhh!” said someone

“Shut up!” said someone else.

She put it away… and then, maybe 20 minutes later, out it came again.

I threw another piece of popcorn, which barely missed but flew by her face. She put the phone away and it stayed away for the rest of the movie.

Nobody stood, nobody clapped, nobody really cared. And that might have been the end of it, except after the movie, she quite bluntly said to her friend as we were walking out, looking at me, “That’s the jerk.”

In telling others about this this morning, I’ve come to understand that movie etiquette has changed from when I was 20. Back then, of course, there weren’t phones… but it was unheard of to engage in behavior that’d be distracting to others. And when phones appeared 30 years ago, you’d NEVER get on it during the movie, and if you had to, you’d walk out and deal with it. But these days, this is par for the course.

Anyway, if I’m paying $25 per ticket plus food plus drinks (expensive!) plus parking for a night out and a true theatre experience, I’d like to enjoy it with what I think is the environment all of that deserves. I can watch movies at home and get on my phone all I want, for free. This is supposed to be different.

Am I out of touch? AITJ? Is this ok these days?

And maybe that behavior is not OK, but AITJ for throwing a couple of kernels of popcorn at someone? It was certainly effective.”

Another User Comments:

“Whoever is saying phones and talking loudly are normal is ridiculous. You don’t make excessive noise in any theater during a showing/performance. They literally tell you at the start of every movie not to use your phone. I’d have complained to the theater and if I had to get up and miss the movie I’d expect to be compensated. In those drinking/eating theaters, there’s always a server running through – they absolutely should have handled that. I’ll say that most servers will come running if you stand up your menu so maybe hold on to a menu for this purpose next time. If the staff won’t do anything, I’d leave a review letting others know they won’t enjoy a quiet viewing experience there. NTJ you tried to handle it like an adult, but they responded with childishness. They got what they gave.” Nonby_Gremlin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – this was the perfect response lol. Getting hit by a piece of popcorn isn’t going to hurt anyone any more than her being on her phone hurt anyone, this is the exact level of petty we should all strive for.” Confident-Baker5286

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Theater employee here! While you technically should’ve gotten an employee or manager to handle the situation, I can’t blame you. I probably would’ve thrown my whole drink or shoe at her. She should not be at the movies if she can’t get through it without being on her phone. Phone usage in the theaters is strictly prohibited except for emergencies, in which case the person should exit the theater and use it outside.” Nightingale0666