People Need Our Help In Solving Their Most Difficult "Am I The Jerk?" Situations

Dive into a whirlpool of ethical dilemmas, personal confrontations, and social quandaries with our latest compilation of stories. From questioning societal norms, confronting prejudice, to navigating family dynamics and personal relationships, these tales will challenge your perspectives and make you ponder - were they the jerk? Prepare to question, agree, disagree and above all, remain intrigued as you delve into these riveting real-life narratives. AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Calling Out My Son For Not Warning Me About His Partner's Dietary Restrictions?

QI

“My son (25M) started seeing a new partner named Lexi around a year and a half ago. She lives a few hours away, but they see each other often enough. I’d never met her personally until now. I don’t know much about her, but she makes my son happy and seems to have a good head on her shoulders.

That’s all that matters to me.

Last Friday, we hosted a barbecue and party, around 25-30 people. It was mostly family and friends. My son asked me if he could bring Lexi, and I told him that it was fine. We had ribs, burgers, and wings, as well as some sides that didn’t have meat.

What my son didn’t communicate to me, or to anyone else handling the food, was that Lexi is a very particular eater and wouldn’t be able to eat anything we served. Lexi is Catholic and can’t eat meat on Fridays. My son was aware of this and invited her to a barbecue knowing what would be served. On top of that, she also has a sort of ED (ARFID) that limits what kinds of foods she will/can eat without feeling sick.

She was really sweet, and I enjoyed her company, but I felt terrible watching her sit without food. When I asked if she’d eaten beforehand, she told me yes, and that she wasn’t hungry. I asked my son separately why he’d gone out to eat right before a barbecue, and he told me that they had come straight from her house.

So I asked him if she didn’t like the food, to which he explained why she couldn’t eat the meat, and that she wouldn’t eat any of the sides either. Since he didn’t say anything beforehand, I asked her myself.

I asked Lexi if there was anything I could get or make her, or if she wanted us to run somewhere and pick something up.

She asked if I had any fruit, so she had fruit salad. After everything was sorted out my son came up to me and told me that I had embarrassed her and shouldn’t have drawn attention to it. I told him that he should have tried harder to accommodate her or at least tell us beforehand that she wouldn’t be able to eat what everyone else was.

We easily could have made some plain salad or had fruit available at no hassle for anyone else, and she would at least be able to pick at something instead of going hungry. If it were addressed beforehand then I wouldn’t have had to ask.

My son left in a huff to bring Lexi home, and he’s still insisting that I made a bad impression and that it wouldn’t have been a big deal if she didn’t eat. Apparently, I made her anxiety worse, but that’s according to him, so I’m not sure I believe it.

AITJ? Could I have handled it any other way?”

Another User Comments:

“I have ARFID. Not sure how common experiences are between all of us, but I tend to find it much easier to simply take care of my own food needs, by eating before/after or bringing my own food.

Sometimes I appreciate when people try to get me food that I can eat, other times I’m simply too stressed and don’t want to think about food at all unless I’m really desperate. I don’t think you’re the jerk, but I’m not sure if your son is either simply because I don’t know how well he understands his partner’s disorder, and if he is accurate or making assumptions about her feelings.

I would say just communicate clear expectations for future events, and in public situations with Lexi, opt for some discretion when asking her if she needs any food. It’s also possible that your son and his partner discussed the issue before going, and she asked him not to say anything about her situation.

I’ve done the same.” AlternativeBeing1337

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but as someone who is married to a person with ARFID he is super embarrassed about questions regarding his diet. If we go to a party he will eat beforehand because it’s so difficult to find something he will actually eat.

He doesn’t like people commenting on his diet and I suspect your son’s partner feels that as well. Just chalk it up to you know next time not to make a big deal and don’t worry about if she eats.” ConversationGlass678

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. As someone with ARFID, you are an absolute saint. Given the situation, anxiety for Lexi is going to happen. It’s embarrassing to be accommodated sometimes, especially when it can feel like a bother because it has to happen on the spot like that. I’ve had plenty of situations where parents of my friends asked me these exact questions, and it was embarrassing, yeah, but I’m not upset about it.

If anything, I’m so grateful that I was seen, heard, and accommodated because I was always too anxious to speak up and ask myself. OP’s son should have done better in several ways.

1. Communicate that Lexi has specific things she can/will eat, and that most likely what people see as “normal” is something she may not be comfortable eating.

Example, growing up the schools would always give pizza parties as a prize for something, but I didn’t like pizza back then. It was extremely disappointing and alienating because I worked to earn that prize, but I couldn’t enjoy it, and then I would be seen as weird by all my classmates because “who doesn’t like pizza?”

2. He should not have tried to guilt OP like that. Even if not intentionally, making someone feel bad for accommodating someone’s needs is awful. OP did everything right, and the son should show more care about his partner.” Reddit User


20. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Brother-In-Law's Jack Without Seeing The Damage?

QI

“A few weeks back, my mom got a flat and I offered to put on the spare. While I do have a jack of my own, mine is the bog standard variety that comes free with the spare.

Meanwhile, my brother-in-law (who lives in the same house) has a much nicer and larger one. He was not in state at the time, but through text gave me permission to use it.

I had no issue using the jack, and after putting the spare on, I disengaged the jack and put it back where I found it.

A few weeks later he complained to his wife (my sister) that I had broken his jack and tried to ‘hide it’. Turns out he told her not to bother me about the issue… So naturally, she passed his complaints on to me later that evening.

This was news to me, but regardless I immediately went to him to both apologize and offer to buy him a new one.

In doing so, I asked how I had broken it, offering that I hadn’t encountered any problems. Initially, he was reluctant to explain it to me, but after insisting, he eventually gave some handwavey answer that I still don’t understand.

Importantly, however, he explained that he had already ‘fixed it’, but that it would never work the same. So he was still going to have to order a replacement unit. A $300+ unit… yikes.

Still, even if it’s just somewhat dysfunctional, if I caused it, then it’s still my obligation to make it right.

So, I insisted on reimbursing his account and he agreed. Now, everything was fine, until I offhandedly mentioned that his ‘half functional’ jack would probably still be an upgrade to my own.

This is where the issue began. He tells me that I can’t have it…That he already promised it to a friend of his…Now see, in my head, I would buy him the new one and take the old (half-broken) one off his hands since it was apparently still usable.

After all, you break it, you buy it; emphasis on the “buy”.

This led to me openly doubting his claim. Which led to him not only refusing to show me the damage, but outright blocking my access to the unit, claiming that my ‘screwing with it’ would only make it worse, and that it was insulting to even try and disprove his claims. The argument ended with him loading it into his truck and delivering it that evening…

Bye-bye jack…

So not only did I not see any kind of damage, but now the damage can’t be verified. I was dubious of it being broken to begin with, but this just cinched it for me. I rescinded my offer to reimburse unless I received the old unit.

Explaining that I was not going to pay $300 just so he could gift a perfectly functional jack to his friend while buying himself a brand new unit.

Of course, he freaked out on me shirking my responsibility and called me an “Indian Giver”. Meanwhile, he is calling me immature & cheap, insisting that having to show proof of his claims is entirely uncalled for and insulting and that just paying for a new unit gives me no right to the broken unit.

So… AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“You’re NTJ – If you had really broken the jack, he wouldn’t mind handing it over to you in return for a brand new replacement one. If the jack was really broken, he’d be a jerk for giving it to a friend.

It sounds more like he is crying wolf to scam you into buying him a new jack.” Dittoheadforever

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…. The only childish and immature behavior was displayed by your brother-in-law. I think you made a very reasonable request and it sounds like he was quick to overreact and escalate the situation and then tried to cover it up.

His behavior is completely sketchy. Don’t let him gaslight you.” Fluffiest_Gremlin

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. IF it was faulty or damaged, (which seems increasingly doubtful, considering his bizarre reaction) then it is entirely reasonable that you get the faulty one in return for buying him a new one, or that you only give him a lesser amount to reflect the fact that he still has a functional jack even if it was damaged.” ProfessorYaffle1


19. AITJ For Refusing To Be The Primary Caretaker For My Nephew?

“I (f17) live with my parents and siblings. I am the youngest of four siblings and I and my older brother are the only two siblings who have yet to graduate and leave home. Recently my older brother (m25) got a job that requires him to go through extensive training which meant that he had to leave his son (m3) with my parents.

I had no problem with this and figured it wouldn’t be too much of a burden because I would not be the kid’s primary caretaker so I would still be able to focus on school. My mom (F43) is a stay-at-home wife so I naturally assumed she would be the primary caretaker.

I was wrong. I ended up taking a large heap of responsibility for the kid because it’s my job as a girl to be a caretaker (that’s my parents’ thoughts, not mine). I play a big role in my nephew’s days and provide a lot of care for him, more than I am comfortable with.

I have fought with my parents because of this and have been told that I have an obligation to my nephew.

When I was told that I was obligated to take care of my nephew I became livid because all throughout my childhood my parents told me that I owed them for giving me food, a roof, and electricity.

Apparently, I owed them for those things but now I also owe a three-year-old that I didn’t push out of my body? What made me even more upset was them saying that they did not owe my nephew anything. I am not a genius by no means but nothing they said made any sense to me.

They called me selfish and ungrateful. They said that they did not act the way I did when they had to raise me and my siblings.

I still stand by my opinion that I am not obligated to take care of him. Not that I won’t take care of him but that I am not obligated.

Also, my brother (the one who still lives at home) is not required to do even a fraction of the care for my nephew that I have to do.

I have no problem taking care of my nephew but the amount of stress being added because of him is pushing me to my limits.

It is difficult to figure out school, college, and work while also taking care of a kid. He is making it difficult for me to get my work done.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents using raising you and your siblings without complaints isn’t a great analogy, they chose to be parents you didn’t.

Do as much as you can to get out as soon as possible. Getting out doesn’t mean that you have to go no contact, but it will be a lot easier to set boundaries for yourself when you’re not under the same roof.” Cheder_cheez

Another User Comments:

““They said that they did not act the way I did when they had to raise me and my siblings.” They chose to have kids, so they made the choice to raise them. I’m guessing nobody forced them to get pregnant.

Providing food, electricity, and shelter comes with that choice. If they didn’t provide them, social services would intervene. You didn’t birth your nephew, and this idea that you should be his caregiver because you’re a girl is antiquated and misogynistic. You have far bigger things to focus on, so your parents are neglecting your needs.

Furthermore, if you’re already spread thin with school and such, your ability to look after your nephew will be diminished, which is also neglectful to him. Your brother and the baby mama need to step up to the plate here. NTJ.” ATXLMT512

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I would suggest you utilize the public library, relatives, and friends until your oldest brother is done with his training, don’t be there. Your mother’s yelling? Sorry you feel that way and leave the room. Ground you? Fine, go to your room and shut the door.

Make it as hard as humanly possible.” Ok_Homework8692


18. AITJ For Leaving A Dinner After Being Criticized For Not Struggling Financially?

QI

“A friend of mine called me yesterday and invited me out to celebrate his wife’s birthday, over dinner and some drinks.

There were 11 of us overall – my friend and his wife being the only two that I knew, with the rest being another couple, and his wife’s friends – 4 women and 2 other guys.

Dinner was great, and afterward, we went to a little pub for drinks, and to shoot some pool.

Everyone was sitting there talking and the conversation turned to the economy, inflation, rent/mortgage, etc., and I kind of zoned out because the struggles they spoke of, I don’t really experience. I make a good living, and I’ve done well over the years with investments, real estate assets, etc., and I live well below my means.

I’m not rich by any measure, but I don’t struggle and there just wasn’t anything I could add to the conversation.

One of the women – Jan said “You’re awfully quiet” and I told her that I was just listening and enjoying the atmosphere, and really didn’t have anything to add to the conversation.

She asked “Are you one of those close-to-the-vest types that don’t talk about money or struggling?” to which my friend interjected and said “This boy doesn’t struggle. He’s got all the money.” To which Jan starts in with “It must be nice.”

One of the men tried to call her down, but then my friend’s wife jumped in with Jan and said: “I knew something was off when you just put your card in the check holder without even looking at it.” and “Why didn’t Mr. Moneybags here pick up everyone’s check?” as she looked at my friend.

I just looked at my friend and told him “You can deal with this nonsense,” then called an Uber and left.

Was I the jerk for not just playing along and cussing everything about life and the human condition?

Trying to figure out what I did wrong here.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did nothing wrong here. You didn’t lie to “fit in”, you didn’t boast about your money. You kept to yourself and just because you are not struggling doesn’t make you responsible for others. The person who made the comment about you paying the bill for everyone there is the biggest jerk.” Anonymians

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Misery loves company. I’m not struggling but while I absolutely do not live below my means, I’m also hurting. I’m not comfortable but I’m not uncomfortable either. I don’t like to talk about it with friends because my best friend is struggling.

I am worried about finding a house in a couple of years that is both affordable and enough of what we need. But I don’t look at the check when I pay for dinner. But as you can see, I can speak to what I know.

I can’t speak to something I have no experience with, and you shouldn’t be expected to. Jan had no business getting up in your business, neither did your friend’s wife, but I’m also side-eyeing your friend.” Malibu921

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That Jan thinks she is entitled to your money is wild.

Actually, this is what you need to say in the future. Arm yourself with some comebacks. You started well. But be prepared to deal with the Jans of the world. “My money is my business.” “I don’t share my finances with others.” “Because it’s MY business.” “No, I don’t loan others money.” “No one is entitled to my money.

Not friends, not family. I decide how I will spend it, who I will give it to, what I will buy. No one gets to tell me otherwise, just as I don’t tell them.” And the ever-useful “Why do you think this is any of your business?” You didn’t need to leave.

Jan needed to feel uncomfortable.” FuzzyMom2005


17. AITJ For Not Checking Up On My Friend After Her Miscarriage Despite Her Request For Space?

QI

“Long story short, my friend is going through a tough time with her miscarriage.

She called me last week, told me the news, and my heart really went out to her.

Now, the last time she had her miscarriage, she felt I was too much, and she asked me to give her some time and space to deal with it with her husband. Of course, I respected her decision.

At the end of the phone call last week, I specifically asked how I could best help her this time.

To which she said the same thing, give her and her husband space and grace to deal with this hard time.

It’s been weighing heavily on my mind, and battling with myself whether or not to text her. And on top of all this, unfortunately, I had some personal problems that I had to deal with and so I wasn’t on my phone much at all these past few days either.

Well, I get a text today from her saying “It’s really sad how I told you what happened to us and you don’t even text me to check up on me.”

I feel defeated. Almost like I’m darned if I do or darned if I don’t.

I would love anybody’s opinion.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She sounds like a real headache of a friend. I’d tell her “you outright told me to give you time and space. If you want to talk, I’m here and never turned you away.

However, it really isn’t helpful or productive to come to me pointing fingers. Especially when I did literally what you asked.”” QuesoDelDiablos

Another User Comments:

“No jerks here. Honey, send her a message pointing out that you were overbearing last time and underbearing this time.

She knows you, if you are bad at the middle ground she knows that too. Tell her you love her and ask how she is doing. She is being the jerk but she gets a hall pass.” 4games1

Another User Comments:

“Yeah… This is hard (been there), you’re just literally… hollowed out.

You don’t know what you need or want from one minute to the next. It sucks. But…. I understand that this feels like you were kind of put in a lose-lose situation. But cut her a wee bit of slack, and just reply that you were struggling with wanting to call her but at the same time doing what she asked by giving her time and space to grieve with her hubs.

That you were just waiting for any signal to join her in her grief…. and that this is the first one you got. Apologize. Then wait. Let her make the next move. No jerks here.” VegetableBusiness897


16. AITJ For Calling The Police On An Autistic Child Harassing Me?

QI

“I, a 42-year-old female, have been struggling with trauma after finally getting out of an abusive relationship.

I suffer really badly from anxiety.

I am also recovering from a breakdown due to this and some other things that have happened.

Back in 2020, this 8-year-old boy kept pressing my (video) doorbell and running off, his grandmother was with him and did not attempt to stop him in any way.

I had known this lady for a long time and knew she had custody of the child and the fact that he is Autistic. The fact that he was doing this caused my anxiety levels to rise.

The thought that my abusive ex had found me, terrified me.

I was having therapy via video calls with my therapist and would often have to stop because he would ring the bell. My therapist would then have to spend the rest of our session trying to calm me down.

I messaged his Grandma and asked her to stop him from doing it as it was affecting my mental health.

She did not respond.

A few months later I decided to message her again as things were getting worse, I also lost several family members, my dad and cousin included.

Her response was “he’s autistic.”

I told her I knew that, however, she still needed to stop him or I would call the police as it is harassment, and affecting me in a very bad way.

She responded by saying “he is an autistic child, you should get a life and go ahead and call the police, they won’t do anything.”

I called the police, who agreed it needed to stop and they would speak to them on my behalf. Having the texts to show I had tried to ask her to stop him and the video evidence helped.

The police went round and it stopped. She hasn’t spoken to me since and I really don’t care if she never speaks to me again.

Fast forward to last year and the boy started shouting abuse at me every time he saw me. I tried ignoring him.

Last week he was with his grandpa, and as I walked up the street, he started with the abuse again, I had had enough at this point and it must have scared him a little as I stopped dead in my tracks, spun round, and sped walked to his grandpa (he ran and hid behind his grandpa).

I told his grandpa that he needed to stop him from shouting abuse at me, it is not nice and needs to be stopped.

He like his ex-wife responded that he has autism.

I have noticed that they use this like a get-out-of-jail-free card.

I responded very loudly “I know he is autistic, you should still teach him right from wrong.

Autism is not an excuse to let a child do as they wish without consequence.” He made the child apologize and I left.

Since this incident I have been told that I should not have said anything, I also learned people were already calling me a jerk for calling the police in 2020.

This has me wondering if I handled this whole situation wrong.”

Another User Comments:

“I’m not normally a fan of calling the police in these types of situations but I’m going NTJ here. You’re completely right — autism is not an excuse for malicious behavior and the grandparents are enabling bad behavior.

Ding Dong Ditch might be relatively harmless, but to allow it to continue and acting so defiant after you told them it needed to stop is wrong. Allowing him to hurl abuse at people on the street is absolutely wrong. You’re correct, autism is not a get-out-of-jail-free card, and the kid needs to be taught that he needs to consider other people’s feelings and cannot freely yell at people on the streets and if his behavior is actively harassing other people it’s not acceptable.” Reddit User

Another User Comments:

“Absolutely NTJ. I am also a survivor of domestic abuse, and for YEARS certain things would set off my anxiety. For the first few weeks after I left I would sleep with a butcher knife under the bed. I was staying with a friend and she swore her housekeeper threw it away, luckily I heard her and told her that it was temporarily residing under my bed so she didn’t fire the housekeeper!

Those people are jerks and I would get a restraining order for the lot of them, kid included, because he won’t always be a kid and apparently they have done nothing to teach him acceptable behavior. I promise it will get better with time and therapy, this year makes 24 years since I set eyes on that man, and I’m very lucky to have a great partner now.

Love, light, and healing to you.” 74Magick

Another User Comments:

“NTJ…as an autistic person it’s the responsibility of the parent figure, in this case, grandparents, to make sure a child grows up as adjusted to the world as possible. Autism is in no way an excuse to be rude or aggressive to people.

And failing to provide consequences to his behavior now will create a monster that they’ll have a nightmare dealing with when he’s older, and sadly for him, will mean he will be unlikely to be able to function very well without them. Quite frankly, the world doesn’t adjust well to anyone who’s neuro-diverse.

It’s up to us to figure out how we adjust/adapt to what’s going on around us in a way that allows us to function.” AceHarleyQ


15. AITJ For Suggesting My Stepdaughter's Trust Fund Be Split With My Son To Ensure Fairness?

QI

“I got divorced six years ago. I have an excellent co-parenting relationship with my ex. He finally figured out that he is gay and we parted amicably. He wasn’t the love of my life.

Just someone I cared for.

I met my husband two years later. Both of us have 12-year-old children. My son and his daughter. He has 50/50 custody with his ex, Linda.

My ex’s family is well off and they spoil my son. Not in any way that makes him entitled, they just like to give him a great life.

Recently Linda has started saying that her daughter deserves the same kind of treatment as my son. I explained that it was his father’s family and not me who was doing stuff for him. I treat them equally and I go out of my way to make sure she is comfortable in our home.

My husband has also explained this to her and her family. They say it does not matter and that everything needs to be fair.

This has been going on for months now. We were dropping him off at an event for Linda’s family and it started again.

So I agreed that everything should be equal. I said that I knew his daughter had a trust fund for her education and future. If they split it 50/50 between her and my son I would ask my family to do for her like they were doing for my son.

This made them go nuts. Try started screaming that I was trying to take away money that only belonged to my stepdaughter to give it to someone they are not related to. They refused to listen to my side of the argument and apparently, it was all anyone talked about at the wedding.

Now we are getting a lot of hate for being greedy and not caring about my stepdaughter and her future.

I just think fair is fair. Why should my ex’s family do what Linda’s family will not?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Linda’s daughter isn’t entitled to anything from a family she has almost no connection to and Linda is completely wrong in her thinking that “everything needs to be fair.” Why?

Because she thinks it should be? PPFFFFTttt. I speak from experience, btw. One child was given a full university scholarship, her half-sibling (my other child) got nothing. I was astonished at child’s step-family’s amazing generosity in giving my oldest anything let alone something of that magnitude!

It never occurred to me to ask for more. Now my other child thought it was patently unfair…that was immature thinking on my child’s part. I explained that because their sibling was given a scholarship it made it possible for us to push all our efforts towards them in helping with their uni-costs (living, tuition, etc).

So Linda is being grossly entitled here in thinking your ex’s family should have anything to do with her daughter. It’s that terrible mindset of “my money is mine and your money is also mine.” She’s the jerk here.

“I said that I knew his daughter had a trust fund for her education and future.

If they split it 50/50 between her and my son I would ask my family to do for her like they were doing for my son.” This, btw, was a genius move, lol.” IamIrene

Another User Comments:

“As far as the point you made to Linda?

NTJ. She’s a complete and total hypocrite. That said, the reaction from the rest of her family is understandable – they don’t have the context to understand that you were not making a serious request, anything they’ve heard so far has been filtered through Linda to make you (as an extension of your ex’s family, somehow) the villain.

This just reinforces whatever nonsense she’s been telling them. The good news is that you don’t have to waste any time on them. Continue to treat your stepdaughter well and, as far as you and your husband go, contribute to both of them equitably. Don’t play stupid games with stupid people like Linda.” JsCTmav

Another User Comments:

“This is really quite funny. They think your ex should basically give your stepdaughter money, but they don’t think they should have to give your son money? That makes NO sense and good for you for calling them out on this. Anyhow.

Stop entertaining this discussion. If anyone brings it up to you, walk away. Seriously. “This isn’t up for discussion” and walk away. The more you talk about it, the more credence you give the argument.” Goalie_LAX_21093


14. AITJ For Cutting Contact With My Sisters After They Left My Daughter Alone?

QI

“I (29F) have 2 siblings, Kara (26F) and Lois (23F). I also have a daughter (8F) who we will call V. My sisters and I have all been pretty close.

We had done everything together when we were younger. As for my daughter, she hates being alone, ever since her father passed, she clung to my side for a long time before she started to become more independent.

Yesterday, I took V to see her grandparents for lunch.

My sisters live with our parents since they both don’t have a stable job. When I arrived at my parent’s house, Lois greeted us at the door. I asked her where our parents were, and she said that they had gone to the grocery store.

She said that she could take care of V until they came back. I agreed since Lois and Kara had both babysat V many times. I left and called my parents to let them know what I had done. I left to go do some errands.

When I finished with everything, and as I was heading back to my parent’s house, Kara called me. She said that V is being “a brat” and I need to come get her now. I rushed over there and saw my parents yelling at my sisters and my daughter on the porch crying.

I went over to them and asked them what happened. My mom started explaining that my sisters left the house while I was gone and left V alone in the house. Thankfully, she was only in there for about 45 minutes before my parents came home.

I was livid. I picked up my daughter and yelled at my sisters that they were not allowed to see me or my kid again. Kara had started saying that it was unfair and that V was old enough to be by herself. Lois was trying to say something but I wasn’t listening.

I left to my car while they were arguing and went home.

When I got home, I talked with my daughter about what had happened and asked her if they had done this before. She said that they hadn’t done this before except for this one time, but they were only gone for 2 minutes.

I hugged my daughter and told her that we would never see her aunts again. My daughter started sobbing, screaming that it was only a mistake and that she loved her aunties. I didn’t know how to explain anymore so I told her to have a little nap.

When I checked my phone, I got 12 missed calls from my sisters, with many texts. I didn’t read any nor call them back. After V sobbing, I feel guilty, but I think I’m doing the right thing. My parents believe that what they did was horrible, but we are family so we shouldn’t cut contact.

So, AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“What they did was reckless and irresponsible and dangerous. They shouldn’t be trusted with watching your child in the future. However, cutting contact is extreme. You can all still have a relationship – just one where you don’t rely on them for childcare.

YTJ.” Revolutionary_Let_39

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Great, your good intentions just retraumatized your own child. What your sisters did was wrong and you had every right to blow up at them. But why on earth would you rob a child that already lost a father of two other loving (imperfect) adults?

Do you really think mourning three people rather than one is an improvement???” Beginning_Ad_1371

Another User Comments:

“NTJ on principle but there are better ways to go about this. I completely support your decision not to leave your sisters in charge of V again – first of all, by almost anybody’s standards an 8-year-old should not be left alone and secondly, you’re the parent and it’s not their call to make.

I also understand your anger, especially after they tried to brush off the incident as no big deal. However, I can’t help but feel like cutting the sisters out of your daughter’s life entirely is excessive – as evidenced by the upset that it caused V.

With your sisters living at your parents’ place, it should not be too difficult to let them spend time with V, but on condition that someone else is present to supervise V’s care. Then, somewhere down the line, if they can prove that they can act responsibly, you could reconsider your stance (though that’s totally your call).

I was leaning towards an Everyone Sucks verdict because the way you delivered the news to V was also less than ideal, but I’m saying you’re not the jerk on principle as you are within your rights as a parent, but I urge you to consider a compromise that allows V to hang out with the aunts she loves, whilst still ensuring she is properly cared for.” BanterPhobic


13. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Inheritance With My Step-Siblings?

QI

“I (17M) will be coming into a large amount of money when I turn 18.

This is money that my mom, who passed away when I was 7, and my maternal grandparents have accumulated for me since I was born. I won’t say the exact amount but it’s between $500k and $1 million. The reason it’s that much is my grandparents ran a successful business for many years and they sold it 18 months ago and all money from that sale went to me.

They kept none of it.

My grandparents have control over all of it currently. Before my mom passed away she left them in charge of the account where she was saving. She was married to my dad at the time but had wanted to secure my future in case anything happened, like dad remarrying and having additional kids.

She didn’t want to run the risk that once she was gone her money could be used for someone who wasn’t her kid. My dad knew some money had been saved for me by mom but was never aware of how much or little it was.

He also had no idea my grandparents continued saving for me.

My grandparents told me about the money over a year ago. They wanted me to prepare for my future and to know I would have so many options because of the money available to me.

They also mentioned it never bringing back my mom but could alleviate the burden of becoming an adult.

So here’s the deal. My dad did remarry. He has a stepdaughter (16) and a son (5) with his current wife. They are not wealthy and my dad’s wife has prepared her daughter to try and work hard for scholarships and financial aid to get into college because she wants to study to become a lawyer, I think.

My dad had similar conversations with me and had sat me down a few times since I learned of the money’s existence to figure out what our plans would be. Eventually, I told him it wasn’t going to be a big concern and I told him about the money.

He was like wtf and then he told his wife and they apparently went wtf together and told me I could be gracious and split the money when I get it between the three of us and give the other two a chance to have a decent helping hand with college.

I told them I would not be sharing it because it was created by my family, not theirs. Dad’s wife argued that it would be incredibly selfish to take such a large amount of money and blow it all on myself when I have two siblings who could also benefit in major ways from it.

My dad told me that even giving some of it to them, not a full split, but some money, money I have left at the end, would be amazing and would help my family out a lot. I told him I wasn’t going to.

They are SO not happy with me.

They told me that being selfish with this is not a good way to be. My dad is also upset that he continued saving for me and dividing things equally between the three of us when I have so much I’ll have access to in a few months.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This money was saved by your mum and grandparents to set you up in life. This money will get you through university and beyond. Your stepmum should have made provisions for her children. It is not up to you to provide for them.

Stick to your guns and lead the life your mum wanted for you.” Successful_Bath1200

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your situation is what your late mother guarded against by leaving it to your maternal grandparents to manage the money. She foresaw it happening. You are not obliged to help your step-siblings at all.

You are not selfish at all. Now the cat is out of the bag, let your dad know that YOUR MOTHER FORESAW WHAT HE WILL DO. Wait no no.. Get your maternal grandparents to tell it to his face that they are acting as the controllers.

This should get him to back off. Money is always needed and there’s never enough to go around. 500k to a million is not enough to last you a whole lifetime at the current inflation rate but it’s enough to give you a very good head start planning your future into a comfortable retirement, or for any emergency.” sarpofun

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but ask your grandparents to put it in a trust until you are 25 and definitely out of your father’s house. The trust can pay for college and give you an allowance for other things but have them or some other trustee sign off on it so your dad can’t access it.

As you are only 17 he might try to take control. Have your grandparents take away that ability.” shanna811


12. AITJ For Blaming My Extroverted Daughter For My Introverted Daughter's Behavior?

QI

“I’m (M43) a single dad to two twin daughters (F18), Jess and Amy (not their real names). Their mum hasn’t been in their lives since they were about 6 and as a result, we’re a close family and the girls have an extremely tight bond.

They couldn’t be any different as people though. Jess is a big extrovert; she loves to party, is out every weekend, has a significant other and a big circle of friends. Amy, on the other hand, is introverted, shy, and spends most of her time studying or reading.

They still remain really close and I hope that Jess brings Amy out of her shell more and Amy encourages Jess to study more than she currently does.

Last weekend, Jess had been invited to a party with a group of friends. Amy hadn’t been and I suggested to Jess letting Amy come as well; I thought it would be good for her to socialize after working hard throughout the week.

Jess mentioned it to Amy and when Amy asked me, I told her she should go.

They both got ready that evening, Jess picked out Amy’s outfit, and it was great to see some sisterly bonding.

At around 2 am, I hear a big thud downstairs which woke me up.

Jess was carrying Amy, who was clearly very, very inebriated. When I asked what happened, Jess told me that Amy had gotten carried away drinking, and as she’s not used to booze at all, it had a bad effect on her. Jess told me Amy was talking to everyone, flirting with boys, drinking shots, and essentially nothing like her character.

Jess took her away at 2 am to come home.

While Amy was vomiting in the toilet, I got annoyed at Jess for allowing her to get in that state as she knows Amy doesn’t drink and Jess had a responsibility to look out for her when she’s on her own.

Jess said Amy’s an adult and she can do what she likes, which got me extremely irate and I shouted at Jess as I knew Amy would not have been in that state if Jess wasn’t encouraging her to drink/party.

Amy has been extremely embarrassed (as well as hungover) since and has said she’s never planning to socialize with Jess or at school again.

I’ve told Jess I’m disappointed in her for allowing this, which she said is completely unfair. Now she’s being distant with both me and Amy.

Part of me feels this is justified as I know Jess would have had an influence on Amy, while the other part of me does know she’s an adult who should make her own choices.

So, AITJ?

(Note that we’re in the UK where the legal drinking age is 18).”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. You also encouraged she go to an adult party with booze not just Jess. Amy is 100% an adult (in the eyes of UK law at least) and can make her own adult decisions.

Even if Jess was encouraging her to go overboard (which you have no proof of) Amy is still old enough to make her own choices. Also, you asked Jess to include Amy, you can’t expect Jess to babysit her adult sister… You SHOULD be sitting Amy down and having a supportive conversation with her about booze limits and when to stop.

Dumping the blame on Jess is an unreasonable reaction. You cannot expect her to babysit her adult sister at a party and you cannot blame her for her sister’s decision making (whether encouraged or not Amy should have known better). If you keep this up you’re going to risk ripping apart what sounds like a healthy family relationship AND this is probably making Amy feel worse (seeing you outraged at what happened will make her feel more embarrassed and humiliated, and hence more insecure about socializing).” Doktor_Seagull

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. She didn’t force a funnel down her throat and pour the drinks. You’re being ridiculous. She’s not responsible for her sister. She isn’t her mother. “Jess had a responsibility to look out for her when she’s on her own” – no she does not.

They are sisters of the exact same age, not a parent/child relationship. She’s an adult and made her own choices. This is 100% on her. You’re just upset your perfect little angel daughter did something you disapprove of. You need to apologize to Jess for your reaction, and her sister is not her responsibility.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. “I knew Amy would not have been in that state if Jess wasn’t encouraging her to drink/party.” You encouraged Amy to drink and party. You got her an invitation and then told her to go. You also apparently never taught her how to protect herself and meter her drinking for her own safety.

“Jess was carrying Amy, who was clearly very, very inebriated.” Jess, on the other hand, stayed sober enough to notice her sister was blacked out inebriated. She got her home. Amy was not dead choking on her own vomit. Amy was not sleeping it off in an alley.

Amy was not assaulted. Amy was safe because of Jess’s actions, not her own and not yours. You owe Jess an apology and a sincere thank you. You need to talk to Amy about moderation and safety when socializing.” tealcandtrip


11. AITJ For Logging My Mom Out Of My Social Media Account?

QI

“I am 19 M I still live at home with my parents and we get along great. Yesterday my mom was showing me a post on Xitter, and I saw my profile picture in the top left. So I asked her if she was in my account.

She replied that she was and that she “only looks at what I repost.” I proceeded to tell her that being in somebody else’s account without their permission is not cool, and that she truly didn’t need to be in my account to see my reposts.

She then says “if you have nothing to hide you don’t mind me using your account” and honestly I don’t have anything to hide, I don’t really use Xitter that much but it just rubbed me the wrong way knowing someone was watching content under my name that wasn’t me.

So I politely asked her again to log out. She then continued complaining that she doesn’t have an account and she won’t be able to use Xitter. I was getting somewhat upset wondering if I should back down or just keep going. But then I just grabbed the phone when she set it down and got up and logged out.

She saw me put the phone down and just walked away sad. Hasn’t really talked to me since, she is just quiet.

My dad has been asking me to apologize but I feel I have nothing to apologize for.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. That’s a boundary that she had no business crossing.

Would she like it if you got into medical records “just to see”? Of course her claim of not being able to use X without hacking into your account is a bold-faced lie. Start setting and enforcing boundaries now because it will only get harder as time goes on.” Basilsainttsadface

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but I would change the password of the account and all of other social media you may have. Also, install the “Two-step verification” process trust me. OP you’re 19 years old, that’s an invasion of privacy. She has no reason to be on your account to see your posts.

She can easily friend you, or just have her own account. To say “if you don’t have anything to hide it shouldn’t be a problem” is just gaslighting and guilt-tripping. You have the right to want to protect your own privacy and space.” Chantalle22

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She has the ability to set up an account if she wants. You’re an adult. She doesn’t need access to your account. AND as you get older and job hunt for professional roles, HR absolutely WILL be looking at your social media.

So if your mom posts something far right or far left or what she finds funny but everyone else finds offensive – guess who HR will think made the post? Hint – not your mother. So you did the right thing getting her off your account.” opine704


10. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Fiancée's Bridesmaid Over A Comment?

QI

“I’m lucky enough to be engaged to the woman of my dreams. She’s perfect in every way and the wedding is currently scheduled for next June.

Right now along with my fiancée, I have a very close friend living with us. She was my roommate in college and basically family. 5 months ago, she found out she was pregnant when she was told her entire life it was impossible for her to have kids.

She was ecstatic but her partner (in case it comes up he was also my roommate and basically family) wasn’t and begged her to make a difficult decision. Basically, she thought she’d never have another chance but they were absolutely not in any position to raise a kid at the moment.

Their relationship got very strained and she ended up having a miscarriage. 1 week later, she found out her partner was having an emotional affair with a coworker. They broke up and she ended up also getting into a massive fight with her family. Obviously, I moved her into my place ASAP and while she was definitely struggling for a while I’m glad to say she seems to be slowly healing.

A few nights ago my fiancée had some of her friends over, all of whom are bridesmaids. My friend joined them and all of them ended up getting pretty inebriated. My fiancée falls asleep pretty fast when she’s inebriated so I carried her up to our room and tucked her in so I could take care of everyone else.

My friend at that point had started drinking really heavily and looked kind of sick so I walked her up to her bathroom and held her hair for about 20 minutes while she puked. When I figured she had enough out of her system I left her to go check on the other girls and get them home.

I was walking down the steps and heard one of her friends make a comment about me helping my friend up “because I wanted to get in her pants”. The other girls around her immediately told her off (they’re all aware of my friend’s situation btw) and I just stood obstructed on the stairway trembling in anger.

I managed to calm down temporarily, come down, and send them all home in Ubers (I had offered to drive them before but in all honesty, I felt so angry I did not want to be in that position).

3 days later and I’m still angry.

I genuinely don’t ever want to be in the same room as this woman ever again let alone have her 8 feet away as I say my vows. I haven’t told my fiancée any of this yet, but I was planning to do so tomorrow as well as request her friend at least be removed from having a role if not flat out be uninvited to the wedding.

So would I be the jerk for asking to remove her for something she said when she was inebriated?”

Another User Comments:

“Info: Would you consider talking to this friend about how her comment made you feel and see how things go from there? How is (or has) the relationship between you two?

Usually friendly or strained? Was this possibly a poor attempt at an intoxicated joke? I’m not saying what she said is right. Just trying to look at it from all angles here. Removing a bridesmaid or uninviting someone is a pretty big step. Just want to make sure this is something you really want to do.” seregil42

Another User Comments:

“IDK if my fiancé said he wanted to ban a close friend from attending the wedding over an inebriated comment like this it would set off alarm bells immediately. It comes off as really defensive regarding you and your friend’s relationship. I think if you talked to your fiancée about how that comment hurt you it would be fine (because those feelings are totally valid!), but to go so far and say you want the friend removed is extreme IMO.

You would be the jerk.” ariesgal11

Another User Comments:

“You’re not the jerk, but please communicate with your fiancée and tell her why exactly you want the bridesmaid out, but also perhaps you and your fiancée should talk with your fiancée’s friend to perhaps understand the situation.

Another comment mentioned about it stirring up more drama, but you shouldn’t have to suffer on a great day just to make other people happy. And, if you suspect that the friend might cause drama for being removed as a bridesmaid, not only uninvite her from your wedding but also remove her from your life, because that comment is something quite serious and unfunny.” top_karma_believer


9. AITJ For Not Ordering Food For My Husband While He Was Away For 12 Hours?

QI

“I 28f have been with my husband 28m for 9 years, married for 2 this summer. We have a daughter who is 7 years old. We rarely even fight, and if we do it has been more major and serious things, but this, what to me was a small issue is now turning into the biggest argument we have ever had.

So the problem is that our daughter and I love LOVE spicy food, I always have and ever since I felt comfortable with her trying it, she has loved it too. Sure we couldn’t compete in a spice eating contest and even though our tolerance is high, it is not extreme.

But my husband, he hates it, he is one of those people who thinks spice is unnecessary and only likes to use salt and pepper. This is not a problem, sometimes I make a batch that suits his taste, another one for me and our daughter.

Sometimes our daughter and I will just eat how it is to his liking, as too little spices is easier to handle than too much would be for him.

Now this Saturday he was away with friends to go pick up some car parts, it was a 12-hour drive in total, and they left at about 9.

I went ahead and ordered from an Indian place that our daughter has as her favorite, my husband also likes this place and just orders something mild when we eat from there. Since my husband was not home, I did not order him anything as I thought that they would’ve eaten on the road.

When he got home, he greeted us then immediately went to the fridge and saw some boxes left of food. When he opened them, he obviously noticed he could not eat any of them.

Now we argued just for about 5 minutes, the consensus of the argument was him saying that I should’ve either thought about him and ordered him something, or I should’ve asked him if he had eaten or wanted anything.

I argued that I would’ve probably done so if it was just for a few hours, but he was away for over 12 hours and came home about 4 hours after we usually eat, so I assumed he had eaten.

Now he has barely talked, he cooked his dinner for himself because in his words “I can’t be bothered”, he texted me from the living room when I was cooking for me and our daughter that he hoped I was happy to have my food my way now.

He is extremely weird about this, he has never ever acted this way about something like this and I am getting even more confused by it all.”

Another User Comments:

“Your husband should have let you know when he was coming home, he was planning to eat dinner even though he was getting home hours after dinner time.

Late enough, you would have reasonably thought he would have fed himself, somewhere along the road. NTJ for not being a mind reader. Any reasonable person would have thought, “Oh, husband won’t be home for dinner, now is a good time for the kid and me to get some hot food!” NTJ.” YouthNAsia63

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. It was reasonable to think he would have eaten already, especially with it being 4 hours past dinner time. He also could have called on the way back and said something about not having eaten yet. Had he done that, you likely would have made sure something was available.

There is nothing wrong with treating yourself and your daughter to a favorite food while he is away.” alv269

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. He was hangry. Men rarely like to be told they are being hangry, but he was. You need to sit him down and have him explain to you with words why not having pre-planned for his uncommunicative dinner plans upset him.

Be clear that you are sorry he FELT neglected, etc, but that you can’t be expected to plan ahead for a situation he didn’t tell you was happening. You shouldn’t have to read his mind – if he’s planning to eat at home, he needs to tell you, if he’s planning to eat out, he needs to tell you, if plans change, he should call you on his way back.

If he does none of those things and shows up way past dinner time expecting a meal – congratulations, he’s earned the right to scramble himself some eggs.” Korike0017


8. AITJ For Confronting Elderly Women Who Touched My Son Without Consent?

QI

“My kids, husband, and I were visiting my husband’s family in his home country.

It’s one of the most homogenous countries in the world. While no one really takes notice of me when I’m alone, they immediately start staring when they realize I’m married to my husband and that we have mixed kids. An older woman once approached us years ago when we were only seeing each other and tried telling my husband (partner at the time) to go on a blind date with her daughter… we were literally holding hands…

Anyway, I took the kids to the playground outside my in-laws’ apartment building because they were bored.

There were two elderly women walking around and I didn’t pay them any attention until they walked up to my eldest and started touching his face and hair.

My eldest is 7 and was incredibly uncomfortable. I immediately asked them to stop and they sort of looked me up and down and asked if I was their mom. I said yes. They just made a noise and said the kids are so cute and “interesting” looking.

They then asked which family I married into. I told them it’s none of their business which made them upset and they made a comment about rude foreigners. I don’t really care about that but they started touching my son’s face again.

Like excuse me?

He told them to stop too but they just awwed. I was so annoyed and asked them if they had hearing problems because I was pretty sure both I and my son told them not to touch him. They rolled their eyes at me and started yelling at me for being disrespectful, and said that in their country, every child is like their own and I should be grateful they’re willing to accept me and my kids despite us muddying a whole bloodline.

I told them that we don’t need their approval and if they go near my kids again I’ll report them to the police. Now I know the police wouldn’t do anything but it scared them off and they actually walked away.

My husband came back from his outing after a bit and we went in together so I guess the ladies narrowed down who his mom is because my MIL told me that while she doesn’t agree with their statements, I need to pick my battles carefully because the elderly women here have the ability to make my life difficult and they are now constantly talking negatively about me.

She thinks I should apologize and that I severely overreacted. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There is no such thing as overreacting to blatant racism and assault. You have every right to defend your child and your family. Your MIL has a DIL of a different race and mixed grandchildren.

She needs to step up and aggressively reject any racist actions taken against her family. Your husband needs to talk to his mother and hold her accountable. You did nothing wrong. If it was me, those old ladies would be calling the cops on me after putting their hands on my child.” HeadOfHarlots

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Sounds like an East Asian country I’m guessing? I’ve lived in areas where I wouldn’t be surprised by behavior like that, and even though people that blatant about disrespect for foreigners might not be in the majority, depending on where you are it can be really hard to be a foreigner in some areas, and certainly in smaller communities if any conflict comes up you’re by default on the losing side.

I agree about being careful how you pick your battles. Good luck.” Future_Ad7811

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are better than me because if any stranger touched my child and touched them again after being told to stop I would have put hands on them.

So they were lucky that you only threatened to call the police on them. How can two old jerks make your life difficult? You don’t even live in the country. What she means is that these old hags are talking negatively about her and making her life difficult.

Don’t apologize to these racist jerks. I hope your husband supported you.” Banana_Puddin11


7. AITJ For Wearing My Brother's Old Clothes?

QI

“I 23f have a brother Sam 26m. He has started going to the gym in the past few months and after reaching his goal weight, we celebrated by getting him a new wardrobe as he needed new clothes to fit him.

My partner Ben 24m said it was weird that I took my brother shopping as it was something girls do for their partners not brothers but Ben is an only child so I told him he just didn’t get it and he apologised later, but I thought it was a weird fight.

Sam also had a massive wardrobe clean out to make space for his new stuff and get rid of what didn’t fit him, and he let me sort through it to bin, donate, or keep myself.

When I saw Ben last night, I wore Sam’s old hoodie and Ben noticed it and asked where it was from.

I told him it was Sam’s and Ben got upset and said that it was weird that I share clothes with him and again it was a couple thing to do not a sibling thing, but he was ok with me wearing my sister’s clothes just not Sam’s.

I think he’s being unreasonable, and he wants me to get rid of all of Sam’s clothes.”

Another User Comments:

“My daughter has borrowed my son’s clothes before (when they lived here and were in their teens, they’re both older now) since T-shirts and sweatshirts are not gender-specific.

At his age, I think it’s odd what he’s saying. Of course you can wear your brother’s clothes that he no longer wants, you’re NTJ but does your partner say other things that are judgmental?” HorseygirlWH

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – Ben is raising red flags with his controlling behavior regarding you and your brother’s old clothes, by telling you to get rid of them.

Also, he’s definitely acting weird about you and your brother, and the implications he’s probably giving off. Like you said, he was okay with you wearing your sister’s clothes, but not your brother’s. He probably just wants to be the only guy in your life or something gross.

I don’t know.” Night_Umbreon_1993

Another User Comments:

“NTJ while your partner is right that “stealing” clothes is a very couple-y thing, that’s not what happened here; in this scenario, your brother was getting rid of clothes and let you pick out what you wanted. It’s more similar to getting hand-me-downs than any sort of couple vibes.

I would make it clear to your partner that it’s creepy that he’s insinuating anything couple-like happening between you and your brother, and that receiving used clothes from older siblings is completely normal.” author124


6. AITJ For Telling My Niece And Nephew That It's Okay To Eat Frozen Food?

QI

“My half-sister Kim (32f) has 2 half siblings: me (24f) same dad and Ben (24m) same mom.

Ben and I are not related but went to school together so we’re sort of friends. Kim is married with 2 kids, twins 7m&f.

I’ve been living in another city since 18 but am now back in town for a week to visit our dad.

Kim and her husband were out of town and asked her mom to watch her kids.

Ben called me 3 days into my visit, telling me that his mom had some work emergency and dropped the twins with him. He asked me to help him watch them while he made dinner, so I headed over.

The twins were watching Ben microwave some TV dinners and then fry up some frozen french fries and then boil some frozen vegetables.

The twins said their mom told them food should be made fresh and they saw nothing fresh there and wondered if they could actually eat the food Ben made because their grandma also made food from scratch.

I thought Ben put together quite a nutritious meal and told my niece and nephew that frozen food is an alternative for busy days and not necessarily bad. They actually ended up enjoying the food. Ben and I thought it was a success.

Later, Kim called me and said she was not happy I told her kids it was OK to eat frozen food.

She said she appreciated Ben and I feeding her kids in a pinch but it was important to set a right understanding about nutrition. I asked Kim what she would have us do and she suggested Ben and I should discuss the meal with Ben’s mother and then while Ben cooked I could have kept the kids elsewhere and only brought them the finished food.

I thought it was ridiculous and would refuse to babysit in the future. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ frozen food can actually be good alternatives to the fresh variants if not better in some ways. Frozen fruits and vegetables for example are often frozen right after picking so they preserve a lot of the freshness more than the fresh ones that have been transported around.

As for frozen meals just read labels and such like you would normally, but the frozen aspect is not a problem.” 4rtiphi5hal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. With how advanced food science is nowadays, Kim needs to update her understanding of frozen food. They are not bad, especially if you choose wisely.

And if she’s going to be this picky about a sitter, then she needs to stay home to take care of them herself, not yell at family who looked after them in an emergency out of the goodness of their hearts. I fear Kim will set up her kids for a difficult childhood where they don’t get to enjoy much of the treats their friends may get to.

Sure, her kids, her rule, but I pity the twins all the same.” BBQQuails

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Funny how Kim was apparently okay with her children eating frozen food as long as they didn’t realize they were eating frozen food. There are a lot of benefits to frozen food, not least that the vegetables can retain their nutritious values due to being frozen fresh, whereas ‘fresh’ food may lose some of the nutrients in the time from farm to table, and canning vegetables can also cause them to lose some of the nutrients during the preservation process.

It will do her children no harm to understand that healthy food can be obtained in the freezer section, and there can be some time saving, cost saving, and waste reduction benefits from home freezing.” Ok-Status-9627


5. AITJ For Refusing To Go To An Event Because My Mom Invited My Brother And His Partner Against My Wishes?

QI

“I (16F) made plans with my mom to go to an event together about 2 weeks in advance, she hadn’t mentioned anything about inviting my brother (19M “Jim”) and his partner (18F “Ava”) when we planned this together.

About 4 days before we were supposed to go my Mom mentioned to me while in the car running errands that she was going to ask Jim and Ava if they wanted to come, I told her politely I would prefer to just go with her and I didn’t feel comfortable going with them.

My mom made a joke about how Ava probably wouldn’t be allowed to go anyway because her parents are strict. I told my mom again not to ask as I didn’t feel comfortable with them coming along, Jim and I don’t get along well.

We had moved on from the conversation and I went on with my day assuming that we were just going together like we planned. The next day I had my friend over when my mom texted me that Jim and Ava were coming with us, I told her that I had said not to ask them and that I’d rather stay home now to which she didn’t respond (yes I understand this was a little dramatic, I had just felt super disrespected and was upset).

My mom never mentioned anything the next few days up until the day of. About 15 minutes before we were supposed to go Jim and Ava showed up. I walked off to my room to cool off as I was now upset at my mom for disregarding what I had said.

My mom came into my room to ask me if I was ready to go, I told her that I would just like to stay home now.

We got into a massive argument and I tried to get her to understand that I had felt disrespected and invalidated. My mom then started pleading with me to come with her, I kept my cool and told her I just wanted to stay home.

This is what makes me feel like the jerk, I feel like I was just being petty and I should’ve just sucked it up and gone with them. My mom then left and I had a major depressive episode and a panic attack (I don’t really want to go into full detail).

I spoke to a few friends about this situation to get some advice.

When my mom got home about 3-4 hours later I was on the phone with my friend sitting on the floor in my bathroom, she came and sat down next to me and asked me to talk.

I told her that I had felt disrespected and that my feelings had been ignored. My mom told me that she always listens to me and takes my feelings into account.

My mom then started saying that I make her feel like she’s a bad mom, that I was manipulating her.

My mom got upset at me and told me that she never spends time with Jim and that she thought he would enjoy this too. I told my mom that if she wanted to spend time with Jim then they should make plans together and that inviting him to our plans was disrespectful.

I feel like my mom was playing the victim saying that I was making her feel like a bad mom. I told her I needed space and time to think, now I’m not sure if I was being the jerk in this situation.

Am I the jerk?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The two of you had plans and she changed the dynamic significantly by inviting two extra people. You made it very clear to your mother several times that you didn’t want them to come and she completely overrode your perfectly reasonable requests.

Obviously, she doesn’t listen to you, despite what she claims. You are 100% right – she knows what she did and is now playing the victim. If she wants time with Jim, she can organize something separately instead of trying to force you to play “happy families”, especially given the history of your brother’s bullying toward you.” Pure-Philosopher-175

Another User Comments:

“Honey, what your mother did is called gaslighting. She made you feel bad by saying she was a bad mother. She turned it around on you and that is why you were/are confused. Your brain knows this doesn’t add up and is having trouble accepting this emotionally contradictory situation.

She did not acknowledge your feelings, she did disregard your feelings and did what she wanted. Tried to pressure you into going, escalated it into a fight until you had a panic attack then came home and acted all caring and said oh I am a bad mother, making you feel bad for her getting her way?

She is emotionally manipulating you! This is a form of emotional abuse and control. I wish you good luck and hope a better living situation pops up for you.” ConfusedAt63

Another User Comments:

“Having a panic attack after telling your mom you don’t feel like hanging out isn’t normal. Even if it did escalate into a stressful conversation, that’s not a normal reaction to have when speaking to a loved one.

You feel unsafe with her, even if your brain hasn’t realized it, your body has. She doesn’t sound like she takes anything you say or feel seriously, but she expects you to take everything she feels or says seriously. That’s not what healthy relationships look like, especially when one is an adult and should be setting a good example for you.

You are the adult in this relationship and you shouldn’t have to be. You are definitely not a jerk, you are a kid in pain and you reached out to your mom.” DraculasTitties


4. AITJ For Not Punishing My Sister After She Defended Her Style To A Judgmental Adult?

“So I 19m have custody of my 12-year-old sister Max, our parents went to prison a week after my 18th birthday so I don’t really have the best examples of what good parents look like.

But anyway Max is Christian and I’m an atheist.

Max has this friend we’ll call Mia, Mia is also Christian and her whole family is from what I understand.

Max is a Kandi kid (basically scene with kandi).

But anyway it was Mia’s birthday and her parents basically told her to invite everyone from her school because they were renting out a park.

So I dropped Max off, and Max said that Mia’s mom was rude off the bat, from what I heard these were some of the comments that she said:

“Does your brother dress like that too?”

“Would your parents let you dress like that?”

“Are you really a Christian?”

“Are you sure God would like you dressing like that?”

Mind you this is like a 40-year-old woman saying that to a 12-year-old.

So what was Max’s “breaking point” was her telling Max:

”You know you probably shouldn’t dress like that in school.”

Max: why?

Her: you know it’s a Christian school.

Max: you know not all Christians are basic right?

So yeah I picked her up and I didn’t even know that that happened until I got a very angry text saying that Max was being disrespectful by saying that.

I didn’t feel like she should have gotten in trouble for that but I asked my aunt and she said that she was being disrespectful and needed to be grounded.

So WIBTJ if I don’t get her in trouble?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Whether this is a true story or not doesn’t matter, it follows the format of adults attacking a child, who quietly hits them with a zinger, no swears, no huge insults, just using their own logic against them.

I had no idea what a ‘kandi kid’ was, thought it was misspelled like Cristian instead of Christian, but even that didn’t explain it, so thanks Google: What is Kandi? Most people use the term “kandi” to describe brightly colored beaded bracelets that are usually made with pony beads (those plastic beads you used to make bracelets as a kid).

Your sister was a GUEST. an invited guest. Every culture, no matter what religion or location, is very big on treating guests at the very least, like family. Instead, she is insulted on arrival. I really hope Max called you and asked you to pick her up immediately in this situation.

It sounded like an incredibly uncomfortable event for her.” 4_Science_U_Monster

Another User Comments:

“NTJ for not grounding her. I would have a conversation with her about better ways to set boundaries in these types of situations. For example, make it clear she can call/text you at any time to be picked up if she is uncomfortable.

Praise her for doing this. Walk away from disrespectful people instead of stooping to their level. Tell her to direct any parental concerns to you, as her guardian. Tell you when it happens so you can address things with other parents that need to be addressed.” Inconceivable44

Another User Comments:

“Good for you for not punishing your sister for standing up for herself when somebody with no authority over her tried to tell her what to dress or look like. Who would ever think there is a “dress code” for a twelve-year-old to attend a birthday party in a park?

Certainly not a sane person. Mia’s mom should stay in her lane. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63


3. AITJ For Accusing My Friend Of Bragging About Not Having An Epidural During Childbirth?

QI

“My 28f friend Sarah 27f recently gave birth to her first child. She is the youngest in our friend group and is also the last one to have a child. We were all of course very excited to meet her child and support her during postpartum and her journey in motherhood.

So we finally got to see her this Friday and everything was going very well, we all enjoyed meeting the group as a whole and motherhood seemed to be finding her well. But then another friend of ours asked her about her birth experience. Sarah told us about it and mentioned that she did not have an epidural. I was a little annoyed as some moms seem to think going through unnecessary pain is something to brag about, I did not think that Sarah was like this.

So I said as a joke “Cool, did they give you a medal or should we do that?” She asked me what that comment was necessary for, and I told her that she knew all of us chose the epidural and shaming us for it was not a good look and that not having an epidural isn’t something to brag about.

She told me that it was not her intention to do so, but our friends agreed with me and told her that I was right, if her point wasn’t to bring us down or to brag she could have just avoided mentioning it. She just said that she was sorry if she upset us but that she really did not mean it in that way.

It became sour so we all decided to leave, I thought she would text us later and apologize but instead, her husband sent us a text from her number. He basically told us that Sarah was incredible during birth and would have been with or without an epidural and that we were the ones shaming her for not having one.

We did not respond but instead created another group chat to talk about it.

What we all agreed on is that she, like many other moms who don’t choose the epidural, didn’t intentionally try to shame us. But that they very often think of themselves as superior, and it was sad that Sarah who is otherwise a very kindhearted person turned out to be this way.

We don’t believe we are jerks, but Sarah has not talked with us since and my husband told me that if I thought it was worth ruining a 15-year friendship over then so be it. I would like to know if we are the jerks here, or if Sarah is.”

Another User Comments:

“Okay, yes YTJ. How dare you think otherwise. She did nothing wrong. You wanted to be offended and found a reason to be. “Some moms seem to think going through unnecessary pain is something to brag about.” – she didn’t brag.

She was asked a question and answered it. At no point did you indicate she thought she was better than anyone else, at no point did you indicate she said anything negative about those who took the epidural. You attributed malicious intent to her comment.

You added hidden subtext to her comments so you could be upset. And now you’re seeking an apology? For goodness sake, you and your cheerleader squad of girls pumping yourselves up as the victim is absolutely ridiculous. “But that they very often think of themselves as superior, and it was sad that Sarah who is otherwise a very kindhearted person turned out to be this way” – SHE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING.

She told you a fact of her birthing story. She didn’t say she was better than you. She didn’t pretend to be superior. She told you an actual fact that pertains to her story. You are not worthy of being this person’s friend. This victim-complex nonsense you’re peddling is pathetic.

It’s sad that you turned out this way. YTJ.” BulbasaurRanch

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. From your own post: “she didn’t intentionally try to shame us.” You all are the ones making assumptions about what she MUST think about her birth vs yours. It’s coming from your own internal beliefs, not from anything she did or said.

She said “I didn’t have an epidural” because that’s a fact and it’s part of the story of that day. It’s a neutral statement. She did NOT say “I didn’t have an epidural because I am BETTER and STRONGER than you and you all suck and are bad moms.” I don’t understand why you’re acting like that’s what she said or that must have been the subtext.

It’s not. Sounds like your friend group is really jumping at any chance to get offended and feel superior over nothing. YOU are the one shaming HER. You minimized and dismissed a major life experience she had. That sucks. I’m baffled how you don’t see that.” alexiagrace

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Sarah was asked about her experience and she shared it. She didn’t say anything about your experiences – it is a connection YOU made because “SOME MOMS SEEM TO THINK…” so you painted Sarah’s story as shaming all of you and basically made a new mom feel bad about YOUR interpretation of her experience.

SHAME ON YOU. You are not her friend and your group rallying to BULLY HER means they are the same sort as you are. Good for you making a new group without her, that shows exactly how interested you are in actually having her as a friend and how interested you are in talking about her behind her back and judging her.

I hope she finds better friends quickly, cause honestly, it wouldn’t be a difficult task.” atealein


2. AITJ For Telling My Cousin I Don't Want A Marriage Like Hers?

QI

“I (45F) attended a wedding a few weeks ago when a cousin (55F) was talking about how she wishes I would marry.

I’ve heard the struggles of her marriage (she was unfaithful, he took her back, they do everything he wants, she’s given up her hobbies and learned to enjoy his, he controls the finances, and she works PT and she could never afford to live on her own, etc) and for 20 years I’ve heard how I should get married. I’ve always said it’s not a priority and if it happens it happens.

I’ve repeatedly said throughout the years I enjoy being single, I’ve been proposed to multiple times and I like living life on my terms. I can embrace my hobbies (which are expensive), have a great job, live on my own, have great friends, I travel, and I’ve had great LTRs.

My life is full. I’ve been financially independent since I was 22 (she has never been financially independent). The entire family knows I’m generous with my time and finances (whether it’s a gift or helping somebody out financially without expecting repayment – electricity, groceries, school expenses, etc).

Marriage has NEVER been a priority to me.

I finally had it with the comments and her not respecting my life. I finally told her I respect her opinions but I felt like her marriage was that of convenience and sounded absolutely miserable to me.

I would die a slow death if I were in a marriage like hers – all of which is true. I like being able to make my own decisions and if the right person comes along it’s fine but it’s not a goal of mine (never has been).

The look of shock on her face said it all.

She didn’t care for that and is painting me out to be mean. After 20 years of comments and pressure, I finally said what needed to be said to get the comments to stop. She couldn’t fathom that somebody wouldn’t want to have her life and to me it sounds like a prison sentence.

She also can’t fathom somebody could be happy living my life.

So AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, definitely the energy we need in 2024. If you insist on harassing a friend or family member about not marrying or not having children, I’m more than happy to put your life under a microscope as exhibit A for why you should shut up.

Every time we take the opportunity to make someone that pushy feel a trickle of fear, we all win.” whatsmypassword73

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. There’s an old saying: ‘misery loves company’. My very single daughter keeps being asked when she’s going to ‘settle down’ by relatives in dismal relationships, and she’s 40 this year.

Far better to be happily single than browbeaten and financially dependent.” Remember1959

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Years of unwelcomed comments about your relationship status, and you finally reached your breaking point. You were honest about your feelings. Period. Your own happiness and fulfillment are important, and it’s unfair for anyone to push their expectations onto you.

Your cousin needs to respect your choices and understand that everyone’s idea of happiness and fulfillment is different. Standing up for yourself was the right thing to do, even if it was uncomfortable for her to hear.” MiaMuffinzz


1. AITJ For Telling A Friend Her Baby's Name Means 'Nostril' In Portuguese?

QI

“I am Brazilian, but I’ve been living in the US for 3 years.

My first language is Brazilian Portuguese.

I have a 4-year-old son, and I’m pregnant with a girl due in May. My son is friends with a girl whose mother (I’ll call her Becca) is also pregnant. She’s due a couple of weeks before me and is also expecting a (3rd) girl.

Since we take our kids on playdates almost weekly, we frequently talk about our pregnancies.

Becca is into unique names. Not “Yooneeks” or “Tragedeighs”, but names that she and her husband create. It’s not my style, but she managed to come up with genuinely nice names for both her older daughters, so there was never really a reason for me to say anything.

This time, Becca and her husband had a lot of trouble coming up with a new name. She first brought this up last December. For months, they’d try to create something that sounded good, with no success.

We took our kids on a playdate at a park this weekend.

When we sat down for a snack, Becca excitedly told me they’d finally settled on a name. I was really happy for her and asked what they’d chosen.

Narina. To those who don’t know, that’s Portuguese for “nostril.”

I managed to control myself and told her it sounded lovely.

But my son let out a giggle (my husband and I are raising him bilingual, so he speaks Portuguese), and Becca wanted to know why. I tried to brush it off, but she kept insisting. Eventually, I told her that while Narina could be a lovely name, it was also the Portuguese word for “nostril.”

Becca seemed really sad to hear that. She said she’d think of something else, but had fallen in love with Narina.

After we went home, Becca’s husband called me. He was furious at me for ruining the only name they had agreed on. Apparently, he had a fight with Becca because she told him she wanted to think of something else.

He argued they’d “never visit Brazil anyway”, so they shouldn’t have to change the name, but Becca refused to use Narina.

My husband agrees that their fight is not my fault, but thinks I didn’t need to tell Becca anything since Americans are unlikely to know what Narina means.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You weren’t really given any other choice other than to explain your son’s reaction. Even if you had managed to brush it off there is a high chance your son might have spilled the beans at a later time (like after her child is born).

Young kids rarely know how/when to filter things, and that goes double if they are a chatty child. Knowing the name has an unflattering translation in another language obviously bothers your friend, if she had found out anyway after naming her child she might have been upset with you for not saying anything.

This is one of those darned if you do, darned if you don’t situations for you. But definitely NTJ for their argument. All you did was give her the truth, it’s up to them how they use that information. It’s not your fault they are disagreeing, that’s on them.

Friend’s husband is the jerk for confronting you.” Doktor_Seagull

Another User Comments:

“Just about ANY name you can think of can be connected to something else. John is a common English name but it can be used to refer to a toilet. At a certain point, you just have to let go and not worry about what it could mean in some other language or some other circumstance.

I don’t think you’re a jerk for just informing her of a language translation. She’s not a jerk for being worried about her kid being laughed at. Her husband is a bit of a jerk for blaming you for his argument with his wife. NTJ.” HolyGonzo

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You did not ruin the name. Your child giggled upon hearing it (knowing the meaning) and your friend insisted that you explain your child’s reaction. Unfortunately for her, the meaning of the name had a negative connotation for her. Her husband should not be calling and complaining because you answered her question.

And realistically, they could have searched that “name” and it would have likely come up, (actually for me it was the second search result), and she would have found that for herself. The fact is that “words” or “names” may have different meanings in every single language.

You were not mean about it. You explained after your innocent child giggled hearing it. This will continue to happen when people search for random words to name their children. (Not bashing, but realistically it will happen). If she reaches out to you, maybe help her put a list together of possible names to run by her husband?

And I wouldn’t bother talking with her husband. His response was over the top, and he needs to grow up and respect that his partner may have learned something new and was bothered by it.” BriLoLast


Our stories today have explored the complex and often challenging nature of our relationships with family, friends, and society. We've delved into issues of personal boundaries, fairness, communication, and the courage to stand up for what we believe. We hope these stories inspire you to navigate your own dilemmas with empathy and respect. Remember, every story has more than one side. For more engaging and thought-provoking content, don't forget to explore our other articles. Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences.