People Fret Over Their Embarrassing 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories

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Dive into a whirlwind of moral dilemmas, family drama, and personal predicaments in this riveting compilation of stories. From confronting in-laws over a Christmas gift, to wrestling with the decision to lock out a step-daughter, each tale will challenge your perception of right and wrong. Whether it's a dispute over a broken trash can, or the refusal to communicate with a spoiled sibling, these stories will keep you hooked, questioning, and possibly even re-evaluating your own judgments. Are they the jerk? AITJ = Am I the jerk? NTJ = Not the jerk WIBTJ = Would I be the jerk? YTJ = You're the jerk

21. AITJ For Not Letting My Brother Stay An Extra Night After A Month-Long Visit?

QI

“So my brother (B; 31) and I (33) have had a weird relationship, sometimes in NC, sometimes talking… we went for a few years without talking, and over the last 2-3 years we have reconnected and our relationship is (was) better than ever.

My partner (well, now fiance; F) and I bought a house last year and we moved in together with his daughter (22) and my B has been visiting a bit. A few months ago he came down for a weekend and ended up staying 3 weeks…

*side note – both me and my F suffer quite extreme anxiety, he is more social (we’re talking panic attacks… both of us)*

My parents also came down the week before to help clean, set up, see the wedding venue etc. They were all leaving the day after the party. So in total, we had my B here for a month, and my parents also for the last week of that.

B had a little tantrum when my parents arrived as he didn’t want to leave the guest bedroom he had been staying in. We have a day bed in our rumpus room for him, but he thought it was unfair for them to kick him out when he had been there for 3 weeks already.

He eventually conceded and ended up liking the day bed.

F had stated to me and my parents how much he was looking forward to having the house to ourselves again after such a long time. I love that he can be honest like that and that my parents appreciate it too.

They understand that and also that it does not mean we don’t enjoy and appreciate having them here and helping us – but we just need our own time too.

The party ended earlyish (8 pm). Me, F and B jumped in our spa towards the end and while we were in there F asked him what time he was leaving the next day (just a general conversational question), which B responded to by asking “Actually, I was hoping to stay another night”.

F (unsurprisingly) said as politely as possible, that its been a busy month and we needed some time to ourselves now. He only has a few weeks left before work starts again (he’s a high school teacher), and it’s not personal, but does he mind still leaving the next day as planned?

I didn’t say anything, I let him talk, and my bro seemed fine with this (at first). However, I soon realized later that he was not. He barely spoke to me that night, and the next day he left (not early either mind you, 11 am) without saying goodbye, thankyou, anything!

He walked straight past F who was just outside cleaning up, said nothing, then past me (I was in my office working – with the door open), and out to the car. I watched, hoping he would come back to say goodbye… but he left.

So… AITJ for not letting him stay an extra night?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, it sounds like your relationship with your brother is conditioned on him being allowed to walk all over you with no repercussions. If that’s the case then you lose nothing and gain peace by not having him around.

You need to ask yourself why you allow him to behave this way and why you accept it as a normal relationship. It’s not. Not from a sibling, a parent, a friend, or a spouse. I hope that you employ a therapist and figure out better ways to set and stick to boundaries for yourself cause I am almost certain your brother isn’t the only person you let get away with this treatment.

Winter_Raisin_591

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Is he homeless or something that he stayed so long? And he didn’t even ask, he just stayed. Doesn’t he work and have his own stuff to do at 31? That’s so rude and I’m glad you didn’t allow him another day.

He would have taken that as an invite to stay even longer.” Lullayable

Another User Comments:

“YTJ because you could’ve handled it better. You should’ve asked your brother about when he was leaving much earlier, instead of after a party while you’re in your spa, prior to going to bed. It across as you kick him out.

Sometimes people confuse “being honest” with “being rude.” stroppo


20. AITJ For Wanting to Kick Out My Housemate's New Partner Who Moved In Uninvited?

QI

“My (21F) housemate (21F, Amy) met her new romantic partner (22M, Rob) about a week ago. The first time they formally met in person, he came over at midnight with a duffel bag and had not left for a week.

Every day was a different excuse for why he couldn’t leave like it was too late to go or there was a storm (there was not), and he had been fully moved in with us (me, Amy, and our third housemate, also 21F) since Day 3.

Some quick background: Amy and her ex broke up 2 months ago. She says that she wasn’t sure if she was ready for a new relationship but has fallen for Rob. All 3 housemates are uni students, and we’re renting as 3 people (as defined in our lease).

Timeline:

Day 1: Rob comes over at midnight with a duffel bag and a 6-pack of drinks. Amy claims he had no intention of sleeping over this first night. They talk until 6 am in the living room. He doesn’t want to leave because “it’s late,” so Amy tells him to sleep on the couch.

He agrees but then asks to see something in her room that they’d discussed earlier. They go upstairs, and he falls “asleep,” so they spend the night together in her room. He drank at least 3 drinks.

Day 2: Rob leaves at 4 pm for work. He comes back at night claiming that a train broke down due to weather, and he can’t make it back to his place, as he lives relatively far away and does not have his car.

To our knowledge, there were no public transport breakdowns and the weather was fine.

Day 3: Amy tells us that Rob’s uncle, whom he was staying with, is kicking him out because he believes that he was staying with his abusive ex-partner.

Day 4: Amy and Rob bring his stuff over.

He is told the garage code, and we’re told he intends on staying here until his mom convinces his uncle to take him back. Amy says he has other friends, but they are not that close and he doesn’t want to bother their families by staying over.

He makes capital from his job (**$700 in 3 days**) and can afford a motel – they just don’t want to. For context, he is currently taking a break from his police diploma and working as a cook.

Day 5: We stage an intervention and ask for the next steps.

We say our parents are uncomfortable with a stranger moving in. We get the same story about them not having options.

Day 6: Today. We are lost.

Rob’s red flags:

He has NOT STOPPED drinking since he arrived, and there are several piles of cans in our house.

No one in our house drinks.

Rob wanted to see Amy as soon as she arrived after the winter break. His uncle “kicked him out” shortly after. We are wondering if he just needed a place to stay, and this worked out strangely conveniently.

Amy has not been getting enough sleep/eating, or going to all her classes since this began.

We are concerned for her wellbeing.

WIBTJ if I told Amy Rob has to leave tonight?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Make this stop. STAT. “Rob and Amy, if you want to be roommates with each other I am happy for you. But, you cannot be roommates up in here with me.

This is not negotiable. My next call is to our landlord. Rob, I don’t want to see you again. Amy, I’m not being held hostage in the place I have to pay to live because you want to change the rules in the middle of the game Get him out of here.

Now.” Ask the landlord if you can change the locks and the code to the garage. Today. Your intervention did not work. Time for a much more drastic approach. What on earth could Rob have done in one week that makes him worth all this stress and confusion and insanity?” AndSoItGoes24

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Not sure what country you are in. Would the police be of any assistance? Would Amy fight you on kicking him out? Might check your lease agreement. Oftentimes, there are limitations about how long a guest may stay. How would you evict Rob if he is unwilling to go?

If Amy wants him to stay? Would Amy’s parents be of any help since her well-being is suffering from his presence?” SleightofHand13

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Guests are a “Two yes, one no” kind of thing – any roommate has veto power over them. You can tell him to leave for any reason you want – even if it is just because you feel uncomfortable with him around.

As it is, he has overstayed his welcome and is using up the resources of your home without paying rent or utilities. The fact that he does not have anywhere else to go is not your responsibility.” bamf1701


19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Husband's Pregnant Former Coworker To Our Baby Shower?

QI

“I (30F) am pregnant and due in April. My husband (35M) and I have a baby shower planned next month to celebrate with friends and relatives. This event is very important and meaningful to me as I have not publicly shared the news with my friends and family on any social platform (i.e. Instagram, the usual).

My husband is super excited to invite all his friends from work and other social circles to the baby shower, most of whom I generally like and get along with–except for one. Let’s call her Sharon. Sharon is my husband’s former coworker and she is also pregnant (a few months after me).

I never saw Sharon as a real problem up until last week, when my husband and I attended another good friend’s baby shower (where Sharon was also invited). Before attending the event, my husband told me to make sure to wear a jacket and keep my baby bump as discreet as possible, so that I don’t steal the spotlight from my friend, which I completely agree with and respect.

I was shocked when Sharon showed up wearing the tightest maternity bodycon dress one could ever imagine. Her baby bump was extremely prominent and shown in such a way that it essentially forces the conversation on her pregnancy. This was almost everyone’s FIRST TIME seeing her baby bump; some people didn’t even know she was pregnant!

It was incredibly uncomfortable for me as I watched the energy shift from my friend to Sharon. People were more interested in Sharon’s baby, asking the usual 20 questions people are keen to ask when they find out someone is expecting. And the worst part is, Sharon seemed to bask in the spotlight and gleefully answered everyone’s questions.

After witnessing that debacle, I no longer wanted Sharon at my baby shower. Her selfish behaviour and attitude made it clear to me that she would try and pull the same behaviour at my baby shower. My husband tells me that not inviting her to my baby shower will cause unnecessary drama, since she is friends with the people who are attending.

He also told me that we won’t be invited to Sharon’s baby shower and that it will start even more drama, etc, etc… I do care about my husband and the connection he has to his friends, but at the same time, I am hurt that he is not taking my side and understanding why I feel so strongly about this.

It just infuriates me that he won’t even acknowledge that what Sharon did is wrong and in poor taste—in fact, he is making me feel like I am being overly sensitive and that I am overthinking everything!

I have no one to turn to and I feel that the only course of action for me is to take this girl off the invite list. I am too stressed to think about the consequences this may have on the social group, nor do I have the bandwidth to truly sympathize.

I just want to be selfish and think about my baby. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Since when was having a baby a competition? In healthy communities, people care about each other. Birthdays are about celebrating life, marriage is about celebrating love. All this “limelight” and “spotlight” nonsense is very toxic.

Poor Sharon was probably just being her open, bubbly self and you turned it into a contest. Get a grip.” liliaclilly5

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Why are people so wrapped up in attention at these parties? What is another pregnant woman supposed to do, sit in a corner facing a wall, meeting any pregnancy-related questions with a silent frown?

You people are so crazy.” BadTackle

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. This all seems crazy to me. People putting off engagement until someone’s wedding, people hiding their pregnancies because someone else is pregnant… what is next? Are people afraid to graduate from high school because 20 of their peers are graduating too?

I can guarantee that your Aunt Cath could not care less whether some office girl is pregnant. Anyone who does care already knows.” ScaryButterscotch474


18. AITJ For Locking My Step-Daughter Out After Repeatedly Leaving Garage Door Open?

QI

“This is not the first time we’ve made requests of my adult (intelligent) stepdaughter who’s working as a server living with us for the last 9 months after dropping out of college.

She’s usually the last one home at night & closing the door between the driveway & garage has become a challenge – several (5/6) times in the last 12 weeks it is inches ajar the next day.

Recently I explained in cold weather mice/vermin/skunks are likely to come in & nest. We asked her to **close & lock** the door hoping this would help follow through.

Working long hours, we often don’t see her for more than a few minutes in a day. We’ve taken to texting photos of the messes left behind (she’s a Grade-A slob) asking for her help/consideration. She constantly apologizes without modifying her behaviour to the point where my wife (her mom) told her some weeks back, “I don’t believe you, I don’t believe you are sorry because you are not modifying your behaviour”.

I began using this terminology myself.

This resulted in occasions where I sent photos of, “problems” only for them to be ignored. When confronted, we got the reply, “Well I didn’t know what to say, because if I said I was sorry you wouldn’t believe it, so I just said nothing.” We let her know that no reply was worse than any other option at all.

She’s been on our phone bill paying $15/month for unlimited everything with a top tier carrier – the best phone deal anyone could have, but required nudging many months for payment – again – she is currently making $1,000+/wk. It has been made clear to her that not responding to our texts and/or not staying current with her bill will result in dropping her from the plan.

My wife has been out of town this week & we’ve had a really good week – I’ve been taking favourite, “dinner requests” from her for the nights she has been home. Low drama.

Wednesday morning is freezing where we live & the garage door is open again – I text her a photo captioned ANNOYING!

go work out & she’s gone when I get home. I do not get any text response all day – nothing.

As the third parent in the mix my vote has (probably rightly) only ever carried little weight, but after suggesting she wasn’t ready to go to college (& being overruled) & the following day suggesting it again when she was suddenly $4,400 short since the prior day… overruled again.

Do you see the pattern here? No consequences… ever.

I have stated that a different approach is the only way to get a different result.

So, I lock the door she can’t get in. Instead of arriving home at 10, she gets home at midnight, I’m fast asleep – she can’t get in & sleeps with friends.

Note we live somewhere very safe, I knew she had multiple friend options and that’s what happened.

I told her she needs to get her phone bill, she’s off ours. Wife is livid with me – so AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“ESH. Stepdaughter needs to be respectful to your requests, and something as simple as ‘making sure the door is closed’ is a simple ask.

That being said, passive-aggressive texts and demanding a reply when no reply will be satisfactory are petty. And locking somebody out because you are unhappy is childish and potentially dangerous (regardless of how safe you think your area is).” medium_buffalo_wings

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. She’s an adult so essentially a roommate. If she can’t lock the door she can find lodgings where $4000 a month will not be going long when the average monthly rent in the US has reached $2000.  You also have a wife problem. ” Emotional_Layer_2270

Another User Comments:

“Soft YTJ for locking her out but/and your daughter might want to look into ADHD and how it presents in women. This kind of thing is textbook, especially once women with ADHD get older/are independent adults. It’s not a matter of not feeling sorry or guilty about this stuff, it’s that we think to do it and if it doesn’t get done in that moment for whatever reason…might as well never have happened. ” Koala-Impossible


17. AITJ For No Longer Wanting To Communicate With My Spoiled Younger Brother?

QI

“I (20m) have a younger brother (18m). My brother recently moved out of the house at the age of 18 and when I say moved out, I mean ran away.

I honestly thought it was one of the stupidest decisions he has ever made considering my parents made sure that he got everything and I mean EVERYTHING, it’s ridiculous, they had me paying bills at his age and he was relaxing playing his PS5 and getting a nice allowance of $500 and he got a nicer car than me.

He was spoiled as heck and even though he had everything he once stole my car at 3 am and took my dad’s handgun to post on Snapchat and pretend like he was about that life. LIKE WHAT THE HECK? Our house has literally 4 floors and it looks like a castle.

I just don’t get it dude but I never had it like him, I feel like I should be acting the way he does but I don’t.

When he left he also had no official bank account, no savings, no credit, and no car because when he ran he left the car.

The reason he left was because my parents didn’t want him seeing his partner(17f) in person anymore. After all, they had pregnancy scare(s) and our parents wanted their partner to get on birth control if they wanted to continue to see each other.

The partner said she didn’t want to because she’s aware of the side effects and you know it’s her body her choice. Our parents just didn’t want them to get a big surprise in their lives that could tremendously affect them and mind you my brother’s partner has no job and still has no job.

Even after he ran away I got ahold of him after he blocked our numbers, and I tried to help him by getting him to apply to a bank and credit card, I even found him a job that pays $18 an hour. I explained how stuff works so he wouldn’t have to struggle.

A few weeks passed and I tried to hang out with him by inviting him to places but he never replied to my messages and never called, when he needed something from me that’s when he’d text me and my dumb self would always reply knowing he won’t do the same.

My parents say there’s no preference but I know who my favorite child is. I’m the oldest and always took care of everyone and he got the parents I always wanted, they tried more for him than me. It doesn’t hurt me but it sucks a little bit.

All my parents do is ask about him 24/7. They never ask how I am, they always tell me to talk to him for them to try and talk to him but I get tired because it just feels like I’m forcing my brother to talk to me even though it’s clear that he wants nothing to do with them or me.

And I’m done being the caring one, I want to focus on myself but my parents think I’m the jerk for not wanting to talk to him anymore. Like am I the jerk here?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Sucks but you should be glad you were raised the way you were because clearly, your bro is spoiled. I wouldn’t think of it as cutting him off long-term.

You guys are young and at some point, maybe 5-10 years from now, he’ll probably get it together. ” breakfasteveryday

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have done all you can. You say it only stings, but you can tell it hurts you. For your sanity quit trying to make them care about you and leave.

Cut contact until they can treat you like the valued person you are. If that never happens, you will still be better off than living with people that just suck the soul out of you and don’t care. You will find people who care about you for you.

Good luck.” Less_Ordinary_8516

Another User Comments:

“YTJ – You are doing everyone’s bidding for them but are getting NOTHING in return – not even appreciation from either of them. Truth be told, I am convinced you enjoy being the guy in the middle, the unappreciated one.

I’ve seen a bunch of guys like you and you always act like you’re miserable but you tell everyone about your plight.” peetecalvin


16. AITJ For Refusing To Fully Pay For A New Trash Can My Partner Accidentally Broke?

QI

“I (21f) live in an off-campus house with two other roommates. This conversation happened between one of them (22f).

A few weeks ago my partner was over and he stepped on the trash can pedal to open the lid, and a piece of the plastic broke off.

The lid now opens halfway. Not like it did before, but it still works perfectly fine. I told my roommate what happened and she insisted on getting a whole new trash can. I told her the one that we have now works fine, but if she wants to get a new one then I will pitch in on it.

The trash can is just a regular step pedal trash can. She said that it was a few years old, and it also had some rusting on it. It was bound to break at any point and one of us could have just as easily broken it had we stepped on it too hard.

They’re not meant to last forever.

She sent me a $65 trash can that I thought was entirely too expensive, but ultimately I was willing to split it between the three of us (me, her, and our third roommate).

A few nights ago she texted me and this conversation happened:

She asked if I could send her money for the trash can and said it was $45. I divided this by 3 and sent 15. She told me that I was mistaken and I owed her $45. Her reason for me paying this is because my partner was the one who broke it and it was hers that she brought from her previous apartment.

She said she was “being nice” for even offering to pay $15 for it. She also said that she wasn’t going to ask our third roommate to pay at all because it wasn’t her fault that it broke. She claimed that the one that we have now she paid $60 for, but I found the exact one at Walmart for $35 so I believe this was a lie.

I responded to her with my reasonings: I ultimately told her I would send her $15 more ($30 total) because that is what the value of the trash can we have now is. I am completing an internship and not working at the moment, so $45 is not something I want to spend my limited money on to simply throw our garbage away.

I’d just be paying for an upgraded trash can that she would ultimately keep when we move out. I also don’t see why it’s not fair for our third roommate to pitch in if she wants an upgraded trash can, because it’s a shared item that we all use in the home.

I could ask my partner to send some money for it, but I don’t think my partner should have to pay for it at all personally. At the end of the day, he doesn’t live here, and it was just an accident that happened from regular wear and tear to a trash can.

I sent her the money but she and I haven’t spoken since this – she’s been ignoring me at home. AITJ in this situation?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here, this is one of the pettiest arguments I’ve seen. You’re the jerk for refusing to pay for the trash can YOUR partner broke and trying to shift the responsibility to your roommates.

Your friend is at fault for choosing a trash can of $60; there are plenty of options on Amazon for less than $45″ Hour-Wind-2410

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This is a common area item that reached the end of its life. She’s being petty and greedy. *If* you’re going to be expected to pay for a new one yourself it can be one YOU pick out and it can be considered the property that will go with you when you leave.

Match her energy.” ToxicEnabler

Another User Comments:

“NTJ If it was an old rusted trashcan, and he was using it normally, then he didn’t break it himself. He just happened to be the one present for when it broke. Since she is the one wanting to replace it, she can pay for it herself.

You and your other roommate so far seemed fine still using it as-is, she is the one that has a problem with it. She is wanting y’all to pay for her to replace her beat-up property.” StellarPhenom420


15. AITJ For Wanting a Contract Before Funding My Step-Daughter's Business?

QI

“I have been a married woman for 6 years and I have a stepdaughter who is 25 now and has graduated from college too.

She used to live in another state with her grandparents because of her college so we didn’t spend so much time together other than at occasional family gatherings and the times she came to sleepover.

Now she has always had a dream of running a cosmetics company/brand type of thing and she wanted to start her line of makeup stuff like lip glosses, lip scrubs and all of that now through social media.

When my husband told me this I was like great she should go for it. The problem is she has absolutely no resources to start this and I mean money. She never had a proper job so she doesn’t have her income.

I earn more money than her father okay and he can’t give her the proper funds since she needs a lot and at the same time it will take a financial toll on him so he asked me to fund her.

I did my research on what she might need like the material she would need and shipping company payment and discovered she might at least need 10K pounds (2K in US dollars and I prefer not to disclose my country). She even contacted me for help and I told them I could pay this amount if I either got right to a percentage of her brand if I became a long-term investor in her brand.

Or if she just wants my help for the short term she can sign a contract that states she’ll have to pay me back once my short-term help is not needed.

They both disagreed and my husband started attacking me for treating Carla (stepdaughter) like a business partner.

I told him that’s business we are getting into and told him that the latter suggestion was generous of me. I’ll let her have all the rights to her brand, just pay me back. Carla told me she would pay me back but didn’t want to sign any contract and I told her that her tantrum when she discovered she was not getting free funds was the reason I’d need to have a contract.

We had this lengthy conversation and they ended up not agreeing on my terms so she didn’t go further with her brand.

My husband was still mad at me then my MIL called me to say I was cold-hearted for not helping Carla and that I involve business in everything.

I just don’t understand why they are making Carla’s lack of financial independence my problem when they can have her work and gain money and then try to move forward with her dreams instead of asking me to fund her dreams for free.

Now they are shifting this as if I don’t consider Carla’s family because I help my biological daughter’s business through my company and while that’s true my biological daughter and I have an agreement of giving me 10% of the profit so I don’t fund her for free either.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, Carla needs to get a job and start earning an income versus expecting to be handed free money to be repaid when she feels like it, with absolutely no contract. Given her lack of all-around experience, this is not likely going to work out well for her or anyone who gives her funding.” many_hobbies_gal

Another User Comments:

“NTJ She’s asking you to give her money. She’s not asking for an investment or a loan. Any expectation that you just give her a large sum of money because of a very limited family relationship is stupid. They’re being jerks and you have every right to be angry at them for their ridiculous expectations.” Independent_Tie_4984

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Everyone is ganging up on you for not handing over money for someone else’s business without treating it like a business deal. It’s a business deal and you seem to be the only one in this family who’s smart enough to not give away money without either a cut of the profits or a payback schedule established by a contract.” TemptingPenguin369


14. AITJ For Telling My Friend His Untrained, Overweight Dogs Are His Responsibility, Not a Nuisance?

QI

“I have a friend that I game with during the weeknights and on weekends on Discord.

To be honest, he kind of stinks at any video game even remotely competitive, so we’re usually playing different games from each other and just chatting. One thing that has always annoyed me but I’ve almost gotten accustomed to, is his two darn Corgie dogs that just yip and bark non-stop while we’re online.

Now these dogs are as fat as anything, literally. They are so darn overweight that it’s honestly mistreatment in my opinion since the owners are responsible for feeding and walking their dogs.

One time he and his wife asked if I would get a dog, and I just told them honestly that I didn’t think a dog would fit my lifestyle because I’m not disciplined enough to go walk a dog every day, and I feel like a dog deserves that at a minimum.

They got all defensive saying “We never walk our dogs and they’re just fine” Yeah, except being morbidly obese, urinating on the carpet the second they see anyone other than you two, and barking at their own shadow non-stop — yeah! Perfectly okay I reckon!

They’ll get in a barking fit and he’ll say something like “I bet someone is in the darn hallway again!” you live in an apartment dude, no kidding someone is in the hallway, that’s how apartments work. I guess that person is wrong for existing in their apartment right!?

The funny thing is he is the type of person who would raise a fuss over a neighbour’s dog barking.

Anyways, we’re gaming one night and the dogs are barking non-stop, and normally he just ignores it (almost to a point where it bothers me, like do something about your darn dogs), but this time he’s yelling back telling them to be quiet, which as you can imagine, does nothing to stop the barking.

Then he gets on the mic and goes “Never get dogs man, all they’ll do is drive you nuts”. I, already irritated by the barking, immediately fired back with “Well maybe you should have put in half an ounce of effort towards training them when they were puppies, but it’s too late for that now.

It’s not their fault that they’re bad dogs”. Right as I finished my statement I knew it was going to cause tension. He was quiet at first, then went off on me saying how I don’t know what they have and haven’t done for training and to mind my own business, and so on.

He abruptly left the lobby after telling me off. A mutual friend reached out a few days later and asked what I did to him to make him so upset. So the word is getting around that he and I are “fighting”. Maybe what I said was uncalled for, but at the same time, this is not a “dog” problem, this is a “you” problem.

We have a tight friend group so I’m worried about the fallout. I’m torn, AITJ for speaking my mind?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Just generally speaking, what you’ve described IS animal mistreatment. Their dogs are not fine if they aren’t being walked, and it’s incredibly unhealthy for dogs (especially of a corgi’s stature) to be overweight like that.

I don’t blame you for blowing up, that sounds incredibly frustrating to stand by and witness.” abblecobbler

Another User Comments:

“NTJ but little pro tip. You can set discord channels to be pushed to talk only. We have a friend in our friend group who is notorious for having a dollar tree-level mic and constantly dropping it, moving it through clothing, and just generally creating the most ear pain-inducing noises possible.

Since he would not set a push to talk we changed the channel requirements. It was met with a bit of push back but now we can all game together and not have our ears bleed. Nice guy just kind of an oblivious dufus at times.” Level_Big_3763

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If your friend or other friends ask, just be honest with what happened and how your friend not walking his dogs is animal mistreatment. They’re yapping because they need exercise. They need fresh air and grass for their mental health.

This would end the friendship for me unless they truly fix it. Poor doggies…” Throwaway20101011


13. AITJ For Letting My Fiancée Attend A Party Alone, Resulting In Her Drinking Again?

QI

“My fiancée, let’s call her A, had a drinking problem a few years ago.

I found out about it from her parents when I stayed at their house with my fiancée for about three months. I remember being surprised by the rules at her parents’ house. Everyone in the house walks on eggshells around her and is afraid to make her angry.

When I asked her parents how such rules came about in their home, they admitted to me that A had suffered from a serious drinking problem since she was eighteen and had now been sober for three years. But she is still not allowed to get angry, because in the past A could start drinking if someone said something wrong or made her angry.

There were also other rules: no drinks at the family table on holidays, no drinks in the house at all. Not even a hint of drinks. No cards with pictures of drinks on them or anything like that.

To make a long story short, after that, A and I moved out of her parents’ house and lived with me for a year and a half, and everything was okay.

Two days ago she went to a party at her friend’s house. I was very happy about it because A had been sitting at home most of the time before and complaining about the lack of any friends. I always tried to support her as much as I could, realizing how hard it was for her to get back to normal life after her drinking problem.

All this time A rejected all my gentle suggestions to go to therapy and we managed alone. Finally, she was able to find a friend and was invited to a party! I was happy for her.

At midnight, stories from the party appeared on her Instagram page, and bottles of wine were seen on the table among the food.

Her parents must have seen the stories and immediately contacted me via video link. They were horrified that I was home while A was alone at the party. I explained that it was A’s friend’s party, not mine and that I was not invited to the party.

But A’s parents insisted that I had to go to this party with her and make sure she didn’t drink all night because I was her fiancé.

Their worst expectations were eventually realized, and A came home from the party inebriated. It was the first time I’d ever seen her in this state and it was just awful, she was acting scary, just horrible.

When A sobered up, she admitted that it cost her an incredible effort not to go for another batch of drinks. Her parents told me to please her every wish and to keep my mouth shut, as well as hide my keys and money.

Her parents continue to hold me responsible for what happened, and I already feel guilty myself.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You are not responsible for another adult’s behaviour. And while I’m no expert, I don’t think you help someone keep away from their addiction by “pleasing their every wish”! EDIT: I would rethink this relationship. She and her family don’t think she is capable or should be held responsible for her actions.

You are just supposed to never make her angry and at the same time watch her like a hawk. What kind of manipulative drama is that to live with forever?” ParsimoniousSalad

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I’m a recovering person with a drinking problem. NO ONE is responsible for our sobriety except for us.

This is in no way your fault. And you can’t live your life walking on eggshells trying to make sure your partner is always happy. That just isn’t good for anyone. Is that the life you want?” AKlife420

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – it’s her addiction to handle, and she will have slip-ups sometimes.

Odd, you weren’t also invited to the dinner party. It does sound like she was a dry person with a drinking problem, and while sober, wasn’t dealing with her underlying issues. I’d suggest an inpatient stay for at least a few weeks and outpatient treatment.

This struggle is a lifetime struggle, you seem good for her, but you have to make sure you make each other better and if this relapse is more permanent, break it off.” vt2022cam


12. AITJ For Charging My Friends For The Extra Food I Brought to Our New Year's Eve Dinner?

QI

“One friend of mine invited me and our common close friends to their house for dinner on New Year’s Eve and we all together discussed what we were going to eat (different eating preferences etc) and agreed that we were going to split the expenses of those agreed choices.

I, on my own, since it was a celebration, decided to make a pie as a side for the table and I also got a wine. I had no intention of charging for any of that since I decided to bring extra things that we hadn’t talked about.

The dinner was awesome, my friend had also added some extras of their choice (some cold cuts, cheese, and extra salads) and we ended up having a great time.

When I asked my friend (who got all the food basically) what each of us owed them, they told me an amount of money that was a bit extra and when I asked them what cost so much, they told me that the preferred extras that they added on their own were included in the split expenses.

I felt it was a bit unfair and rude of them to ask everyone to pay for something we never agreed on. They invited us to their house and they decided to put extra stuff on the table and they asked us to pay for them.

Yikes. Since they got ironic(=sarcastic) when I said that I didn’t expect to get charged for things I thought were a treat (like my pie for example, that I hadn’t charged anybody for because I wanted to treat my friends and I thought that this is what everybody would do as well), I told them that I am going to charge for the wine at least. They were like “We don’t care, go on and charge us for the pie and the wine.

You could have said that you had financial troubles and that you can’t contribute so much to the table”. I ended up charging the wine and some amount of the pie and I still feel bad for charging my friends for something I just wanted to offer.

I wouldn’t mind paying if we had agreed on those extras as well but I just thought it was rude of them making choices of their own and then charging us for everything.

Idk, am I the jerk for ending up charging everyone for what I got?

(One person in the group doesn’t even know what they got charged for, they just gave the money, the other one agreed to pay to avoid the conflict and the last one was on my friend’s side because they live together so they agreed on the extras together).”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. Nobody should charge for non-agreed items, but yikes, just because your friend does wrong, doesn’t mean you also do. You guys have terrible communication. Just do a proper potluck and bring what you can afford without expecting to calculate repayment to the last dollar.

Or, if the eating preferences are that diverse, just bring your dish for yourself. What a crappy way to spend New Year’s Eve – nickeling and diming just to prove a point.” Squiggles567

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here, this is an impressively stupid way to run a dinner party.

I’ve never been asked to pay or asked someone else to pay for something brought to a potluck-style meal. Why bring money into the equation at all? Isn’t your friendship more than financial? The smart way to do potlucks is to come up with a list of what you need. Then let everyone pick what they’re comfortable/able to provide.

End of story.” chaoticcheesewhiz

Another User Comments:

“You’re not the jerk. I understand where you’re coming from. You don’t want to just cough up the money and allow them to think it’s normal or okay to shop for what they WANT (not what’s agreed on), under the assumption their friends will cover 3/5 of it.

I think that’s kinda rude and pushy. It’s both about the money, and the principle. Like what was the point of talking money in the original discussion if it was going to be disregarded for you without option when they went to the store anyway?

Lol, my friends and I usually just set a limit, we agree on $30 each let’s say, to spend on our dishes. If we go over…. That’s on us.” Low-Key980


11. AITJ For Not Letting My Toxic Mother Move In With Me?

QI

“My (23F) parents’ marriage (52F & 62M) has always been utterly toxic.

She married him because she was homeless and wanted a family. Previous to my birth, he was a total piece of crap to her and my siblings, and I know for sure some crimes were committed on his behalf during that time. After I was born, he got better.

My mother is very much toxic to me and my siblings. She calls us names, heavily criticizes our friends and relationships, tells us we’re “cursed to be a failure” because of dad, says that nobody likes her because “people can’t handle her showing them the truth about themselves” and simply cannot admit she’s done anything wrong unless it was somehow somebody else’s fault.

Today all of us are at universities halfway through the major or almost finishing it. None of us is close to our dad.

Their relationship is insufferable nowadays, beyond saving. They’ve been living alone in our hometown ever since I moved. She has panic attacks every day.

They fight daily. They plan on getting a divorce as soon as the money lets in, which would be when I graduate in 2026. My dad will move out then. I have no reason to not believe him, although my mother doesn’t.

My mother wants my dad to leave, but we can’t afford another rent.

The only option is for her to move into my small apartment in another state where I’m studying until I graduate. I reluctantly agreed, thinking it would help her, but it will be a burden for me. When she stayed with me before, it was tough.

It also strained my 2-year long-distance relationship with my partner (21M). She interrupted our calls and criticized us, which made me fight with her often.

My partner lives in my hometown, and I stay with him every weekend. He’s used to seeing his partner daily from past relationships, and our limited calls are tough for him.

He despises my mother for her mistreatment of me. He feels foolish for sympathizing with her treatment towards me, only for me to let her interfere in our lives. He’s upset, and I fear letting my mother move in would lead to a breakup. Friends agree, saying my parents are adults, and I can’t save them.

I decided to prioritize my life, studies and relationships. Told my mother I thought it would be best if she didn’t move in with me. She got upset, and said how “every time parents get divorced the children choose one to forsake”. I feel guilty because she’s suffering and she’s my mom, but I think she can improve her own life without disrupting mine.

She said if she does anything to my dad, it’ll be my fault. College is already difficult for me and I value my relationship too much to let it end this way. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother is insanely toxic and letting her live with you might ruin your life.

>She said if she does anything to my dad, it’ll be my fault. She’s guilt-tripping you to make you feel bad for not letting her move in with you. If you care about your sanity, stay away from her and focus on your well-being.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being selfish and prioritizing yourself in this situation.” yourmashedpotato

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You deserve a break from the dysfunction and the chance to do things differently. You can’t do that when you want better for yourself but your parent does not.

Your Mom’s bad choices are not your responsibility. You have no obligation to house someone who is a detriment to your well-being, Mother, or not.” know_me_93

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your mother is an adult and should be able to take care of herself.

Not only that, but you are an adult as well and are supposed to be starting your own life on your own. And you are right – she can improve her own life without disrupting yours. And, if her kids wind up “forsaking” her, it’s her fault for her behaviour.

Don’t let her turn this around and make you the villain.” bamf1701


10. AITJ For Wanting To Stop Giving My Cousin Money For Good Grades?

QI

“I’m (30f) looking to see if I would be the jerk if I stopped giving my little cousin money for good grades.

For context, my little cousin is almost 16 years old. When she got into 5th grade she began struggling with school. As encouragement, I started a reward system and gave her 5 dollars for every A she earned on her report card. This has been going on for a few years now.

We’re closer than normal “cousins” but not related by blood at all. Her mom is a close family friend who’s about ten years older than me. When my little cousin was born, I started working as her nanny. They kind of “took me in” during my teenage years as my Dad passed around this same time.

15 years later, we’re all quite close.

I spoil my cousin with lots of Christmas gifts and birthday gifts and generally buy her a lot of things because I see her as a close family member (mall trips, movies, clothes shopping). I don’t have a sister or kids of my own so I enjoy using my extra income on her.

However, as she’s gotten older, I don’t think the report card reward is necessary anymore. The $5 an A has inflated to $10 an A. She works as a babysitter herself now and earns pocket money. She also lives in a house with two working parents and my aunt who receives benefits, so she’s got 3 adults making income who could take over this system if they feel strongly.

I am single and live by myself which has a different financial burden.

I have to admit that I feel the most anxiety about telling her parent this. They have a history of being hard on me and I fear they will be upset if I tell them I no longer want to give her money for her grades.

I also have to be honest that I have felt this way for a long time, but after this recent Christmas, I want to put a stop to it. My cousin received probably $300+ gifts from me, but gave me a huge attitude when I asked her if she was enjoying school and what colleges she was thinking of applying to.

This year alone I’ve given her $60 bucks a quarter, took her to a very expensive pop concert for her birthday and balled out on her Christmas wishlist. Not counting outings in between.

I know kids will be kids, but at 15 I think she’s old enough to understand that you shouldn’t give an attitude to someone treating you with kindness.

The thing that put the nail in the coffin this Christmas was that her parents gifted two of our relatives merch from her school store. I don’t expect a gift on Christmas, but I think it was rude to flaunt it around me when they didn’t get me one and I actively support her education.

They don’t even give me a class photo of the kid.

Just feeling overall taken advantage of. WIBTJ if I stopped giving her report card $?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. The cousin is the jerk. Why are you the one giving out the money for the grades?

The parents should be doing that. And I’m not opposed to paying for grades. After all, that’s what happens in the real world when you have a job, but the parents should be paying for it.” bw2082

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – but I’ll suggest a better exit strategy.

Turn it into something that will be a long-term benefit. Offer to take her and her parent(s) to the bank and help set up an education savings account for her you will make an initial (final) contribution based on the marks on the next report card.

Then you can walk away having done your part, and it sets the kid up for success and makes the parents responsible going forward.” NavyShooter_NS

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I think that the best approach to gifts for older kids is this: Decide what your cut-off age is, communicate it to *everyone* long before the next gift-giving occasion, and apply it to *everyone* in that group (you might still gift your parents, but not sibs/nieces/nephews?) Just keep it fair and across the board.

Doesn’t matter whether it’s 12 16 18 or 101, you just set your end date the way that you want it. Yes, people may still want gifts, but it is harder for them to complain when you are being fair.” greta_cat


9. AITJ For Getting Angry at My Mom For Signing My 504 Plan Instead of My Dad?

QI

“I’m a girl in high school in a small village.

My grandmother is very old and frail and my dad has been taking care of her for the past 3 years. My mom never liked it here and didn’t like taking care of my dad’s parents. My mom had gotten a job in a big city 6 states away and took my little sister with me to school.

She had yelled and fought for me to go with but I had refused because I have friends and family in my town and this is where I had grown up.

Anyways, a few months ago I started developing POTS-like symptoms and started blacking out and collapsing.

Because of this, I now have a 504 plan in place so I can eat and drink to keep my blood pressure from dropping. When we signed the 504 my dad had signed all but one part that he missed. The school had sent it back so we could sign everything.

My mom and sister were here for winter break and so yesterday, I told my mom to give the papers to Dad once he woke up because I was going to be late for school. I guess she looked through it and got mad that she wasn’t involved in it and she signed it.

When I came home, my mom and sister had left to go back to their apartment in the city. My dad had gotten mad that I didn’t give it to him because my mom woke him up by screaming that she was “not on the list as a parent, and this is blatant disrespect and how dare he” and it made me mad.

He told me to get the papers to sign and when I grabbed them, the part was signed and there were parentheses at the top that said (her name – mom) under my dad’s name. It made me even madder because she left and had told my dad that I’m his responsibility now and my sister is hers (they are still married btw).

In my anger, I sent her a text that said the following: “I told you to just give the papers to Dad when he woke up. You’re not on the list because you’re not here. You aren’t reliable. Don’t do that again, now I have to get a new paper for that part and fix it so that Dad can sign it.

Thanks, Mom cuz that just caused even more of a delay that the schools gonna be mad about”. I have to add that the school has gotten mad that we haven’t given it back yet, but we have been delayed due to my grandmother’s health and now my 15(m) dog is nearing the end.

It wasn’t my best moment, I agree, but my dad and mom screamed at me, and my dad said I was breaking the family apart. That all happened last night, and this morning, I woke up with a text from my mom asking where her apology was.

AITJ, should I apologize?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, your parents should not be putting you in the middle of their drama. Even if your dad was mad it wasn’t right for him to take that out on you. I mean White Out is easy to use and he could have had a go at it with her.

Your parents should have handled the parenting measure privately and simply assured you the paperwork would be handled to be turned in. They both put you in a precarious situation and forced you into their emotional baggage. BTW, I’m sorry to hear of your condition and wish you all the best.” DaBrazenMidwesterner

Another User Comments:

“NTJ Your parents shouldn’t be putting you in the middle of this. And no you aren’t responsible for breaking the family up. I can see why your mom would be hurt by not being listed but that’s something to take up directly with your Dad.

I don’t think you need to apologize although I can see it might calm things down. Sorry about your dog; that’s a hard thing to be facing. Enjoy every moment you can with him. I hope things get easier for you.” Apart-Ad-6518


8. AITJ For Expecting An $800 Vacuum To Arrive Without Cosmetic Damage?

QI

“Ordered a chamber vacuum for $800 last month. The model was specifically made for at-home use, and the promotion is heavy on how beautiful of a machine it is compared to others, how it’s smaller so you can leave it out on the kitchen counter, etc.

The unit arrives with cosmetic issues. The silver hinge is chipped, the plastic wrapped around the chamber is scuffed up, the display menu is chipped, and the paint job on the power button is poor. Function-wise, all good, but again… $800 unit, heavily promoted for being visually appealing.

And the issues are all visible if it’s out on the counter. So I reached out, and customer service said they must have accidentally sent me a “scratch & dent” or “outlet” unit. Offer me $100 off, but I asked if we could exchange it instead.

They agree.

The second unit arrives… again with cosmetic issues. Not as drastic as the first, but the silver hinge is chipped in the same place (albeit smaller), and the plastic under the display menu is bent, white stress mark. Email the company, and apologize for the hassle, but they argue the “imperfections seem much less significant” and “the zoomed-in images make it seem worse than it may be.” They ask for more pictures, which I send.

The guy calls me and says they can either offer a $100 refund for the second unit, or I can send both back… with a 20% restocking fee. On an $800 unit. That I received defective, twice. Then proceeds to tell me that I’m more-or-less making a deal out of nothing, that they’ve sold thousands of these units and that I’m the only person who’s had issues, ever.

Claims their client base doesn’t care about stuff like this. I told him I’d send both back, but I’m not paying a 20% restocking fee on damaged items. Guy claims he has no say in these decisions, just going by protocol, and says he’ll talk to the owner.

I’m trying to work while this is going on, so I ask if he can email me what he finds out, but he backs away and says situations like this would need to be discussed over the phone. (Assuming he doesn’t want any of this exchange in writing?)

Calls back 20 minutes later. Says he spoke to the owner, then goes into a long speech about how they’re a family-owned company, not Walmart, and if I’m looking for “mass-produced crap” I can order from another company (he then recommends a competitor). Then he starts saying they produce these chamber vacuums in “small batches” of a couple hundred at a time in China, unlike other companies who are producing/selling thousands at a time, and that “small defects are just part of the manufacturing process.” Re-iterates that none of their customers have ever had an issue like this, then says they’ll send me another return label and waive the restocking fee, but I have to follow the return instructions “to a t.”

First to admit – small things bother me more than they probably should. I’m a little OCD. But am I crazy here? Should I not expect an $800 investment to show up without issues?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Tell them that if they don’t give you back everything and if they charge you a fee you’ll do a chargeback.

That will give you back the money and cause the back to charge them a fee and it causes their credit score to drop because of it.” NovaStar92

Another User Comments:

“Nope. You’re being swindled. Don’t put up with it. Take photos to document the problems with both machines and return them.

Demand a full refund. If that doesn’t work, post the photos and the story of what happened wherever reviews are possible. If this is the U.S., make a complaint to the Better Business Bureau. Also, assuming you paid with a credit card, immediately make a complaint with your documentation and try to get your full refund that way.

One doesn’t pay a restocking fee for damaged merchandise. Cosmetic damage is damage. Scratch and dent sold as first-quality goods (twice) is a fraudulent practice, not a whoopsie. Get your money back and don’t patronize this business again. NTJ.” Nester1953

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I bought Bluetooth headphones last year and I got them so that I can take calls when I run.

The first pair arrived and I could hear people speak but they couldn’t hear me. Tested it on multiple phones and found it’s a product problem. The company sent me a new pair and took back the malfunctioning pair. The second pair has the same problem.

They ended up giving me a full refund, but let me keep the second pair. I’m annoyed that I can’t use them for my intended purpose, but boy do they cancel out ALL the noise.” Hobo_hippie7


7. AITJ For Leaving My Parents' Surprise Birthday Party To Hang Out With Friends?

QI

“I am a 17-year-old boy, and my 18th birthday was a few weeks ago (Dec 15). Throughout the entire week, I tried indiscreetly asking if my parents made any plans for my birthday so I could call off work and tell my friends when I’d be busy but they never brought the topic up.

I even asked them outright if they had anything planned and if they didn’t I’d be going out with my friends. They answered no.

The night before my birthday my friends surprised me over text with tickets to a movie I wanted to see, outdoor rock climbing, and a paid dinner at this new restaurant I’ve been wanting to visit for a while now, everything was paid for by them and I was ecstatic!

I managed to get a coworker to cover my shift last minute and the next morning after I got ready to leave I was bombarded by relatives the moment I walked downstairs.

Now to be clear these were aunts, uncles, and friends of my parents who I never really talked to aside from pleasantries during family gatherings, I wasn’t exactly close with any of them.

They had food, cake, and presents in the kitchen, and my parents were at the center. I was super touched at all the work they must have gone through to get everyone here (and the food looked delicious) and I told them I would be back before sunset.

Immediately my parents got annoyed and asked me where I was going, and I told them I had plans with friends. They asked if I was just saying that to get out of celebrating with family and I told them that since they never gave any indication that they had anything planned for my birthday my friends made plans themselves, plus everything was already paid for.

I tried to reiterate that I would be back before it was too late but they started yelling at me, calling me selfish for ditching family for friends and that I was a jerk for disregarding all the work they put into my surprise party.

I once again tried to tell them that I had no idea they were going to invite anyone over, and if they had told me beforehand I would have been able to plan accordingly, but they said that would have defeated the purpose of a surprise party.

I had to leave since my friends were waiting and if we were late our reservations at the restaurant would be rebooked, all the while my parents were yelling while my relatives watched. By the time I got home (6 pm), my relatives were gone and all the food was put away.

I asked my parents about it and my mom told me I’d get the presents next year if I decided not to be selfish and put my actual flesh and blood before some ‘silly friends’

AITJ? This has been lingering with me for the past few days.

Things are still tense in the house.”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – your parents blew this one. When planning a surprise party, one of the most important planning elements is to make sure the surprise doesn’t have other plans. They messed up on that one, and instead of taking responsibility for the results of their poor planning, they’re blaming you.

I mean, they didn’t even involve your friends… That’s the first step.” Fartin_Scorsese

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. This party wasn’t for you but for them. If they wanted a surprise party for you they would have invited your friends too… So, they messed up, relatives you don’t know, no friends, no notice, and they moaned when you said you had made other plans.

Then they cleared away all the food before you got back, at 6 pm. Sorry OP, they are utterly at fault here, and just embarrassed that they got caught out.” boredathome1962

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your parents missed the point of a surprise party. They are the ones who need to be more mature.

When you tell people you need some advance notice so that you can arrange your work schedule, they need to realize you have commitments. They were so excited about their surprise party that they gave no thought to the actual person the party was about.

What if you had come down to the surprise party and then had to leave and go to work? Your parents are a soft jerk for making the party about them instead of you.” RugbyKats


6. AITJ For Defending My Younger Sister Against a Rude Comment About Her Hair?

QI

“My (23M) sister just turned 16 years old. She has beautiful natural red hair, and has been growing it for about 5-6 years. My parents have not allowed her to cut or dye her hair as they don’t want her to ruin her natural beauty.

I will preface this is not a family tradition or religious thing, they just like her natural hair. For her 16th birthday she decided to cut it from the middle of her butt to about her shoulder blades. My stepdad’s daughter (whom I am not close with nor claim as my sibling.

We’ll call her Ashley) was supposed to show up with her husband and 2 kids with a specially prepared birthday cake. Ashley has been decorating detailed specialized cakes for about 10 years now. She committed to bringing to cake as well as going to go get dinner, but canceled last minute because it “Didn’t fit in her schedule.” This hurt my sister’s feelings, so I went and bought Bundt Cakes for her with birthday candles to cheer her up.

Ashley sent her mother to our house to deliver the cake while we were out. After we finished eating my other sister (19) had made a post with a picture of my sister on her social media wishing her a Happy Birthday. Ashley made a comment on the post stating “Happy Birthday, I love you, but you’ll regret cutting your hair.

Your parents are ridiculous for letting you do something so stupid.”

In my eyes, this comment was completely uncalled for and rude to say to a teen on her birthday. There should never be a “but” after “I love you”. We left the restaurant and on the way home I responded to this mean girl hate comment saying “Keep your negative, rude comments of my sister’s appearance to yourself instead of commenting them on social media.

Say Happy Birthday and move on.” When we got home I tried telling my mom about what I had said in response to her comment and Stepdad interjected, loudly disagreeing with my involvement in the problem and telling me that it’s “Not my place to say anything.” I responded that “As her big brother it is my place to defend her from anyone in or out of this family from disrespecting her and commenting on her appearance.” I later received a message from Ashley saying “Our relationship is completely over, until you apologize so forget you.

You do not disrespect me, (sister’s name spelled incorrectly) is old enough to call me and say that hurt her feelings. You just have really big social media balls. Peace Out!” I had no way of responding to the message as she blocked me from responding.

So, am I the jerk for defending my teenage sister from a grown woman leaving a rude comment of her appearance?

I feel personally that no matter who says anything rude about my sister I’m going to stand up for her and speak my mind.

And there was no relationship with Ashley to begin with, so nothing was lost here. Stepdad is still mad and thinks I crossed the line for standing up to her.”

Another User Comments:

“Tentative NTJ, because you seem to be really trying to do right by your sister.

My only question is how does she feel about you calling people out on her behalf? Because there’s a chance she’s just as embarrassed by you standing up for her without permission as the “I love you, but” comment.” guitargamel

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I was a super pale natural blonde until my late 30s.

My parents threatened me with disownment if I ever dared to do anything to my hair. I was not allowed to tell people not to touch it. Know what that did? It made me hate my blonde hair with a passion heretofore unknown to mankind.

Aunt needs to shut up about hair that doesn’t belong to her. For the record, my hair is now purple. I will *never* have it blonde again, and anyone who touches it without permission gets one warning, and then they get punched. ” Unique_Football_8839

Another User Comments:

“NTJ, and good for you for standing up for your sister. I chopped my “never cut your beautiful” hair at 16 and never looked back. Bobbed to my chin, and then a pixie shortly after. Never regretted it once, and really resented how people seemed to think they owned my appearance because I had nice long hair.

They were incredibly rude, and they were incredibly wrong. And as everyone knows, you can always discard the part of a sentence that comes before the “but” (I’m not racist, *but*… [all the racism]). There was no love lost with Ashley, and she’s the one who crossed a line.” LurkerByNatureGT


5. AITJ For Letting My Husband Adopt My Son Despite His Biological Grandparents' Disapproval?

QI

“When I (28F) was 19, I got pregnant from a one-night stand. The father, “Aiden” wanted to be around and was supportive from the start. We never got together but we became very close friends. Unfortunately, when I was 8 months pregnant, Aiden died in a car accident.

It devastated me, as well as his family. To this day, it haunts me that he was never able to meet our son, “Brady”.

Aiden’s family has been heavily involved in Brady’s life since the beginning. Birthday parties, celebrations, etc. They always made me feel welcome.

I started seeing someone again when Brady was 2 and his parents, “Michelle and Dan” actually encouraged me too. They said I deserved to be happy. They even watched Brady occasionally so I could go on dates. Brady has always been told about his dad.

When Brady was 4, I met “Justin” (now 31).

It took 6 months for him to meet Brady and from the start, they bonded quickly. A couple of months later Justin met Aiden’s family. They loved him. I was always clear with Justin that their family would always be in our lives, especially for Brady’s benefit.

He agreed it was the best.

I married Justin 2 years later. Brady began calling him “papa” on his own. He still talked about Aiden and called him “daddy”. I kept all the pictures of Aiden up. Brady proudly said he had 2 dads. Michelle and Dan seemed fine.

A year later, Justin brought up adopting Brady and I agreed.

That’s when Dan and Michelle began to show their displeasure. I explained that we’d never stop Brady from seeing them, we’d always talk about Aiden, show pictures, etc. We also planned on hyphenating their last name with Justin’s.

Dan and Michelle argued with me. I tried to keep things calm for Brady’s sake. But then Michelle and Dan tried to stop the adoption. It didn’t work and the adoption went through. But because of their contesting, it took longer and only went through last year.

It also added extra court fees.

Dan and Michelle have since accepted things, though I still won’t leave them alone with Brady in case they try to trash Justin again. Justin is fine with them coming around for Brady and is cordial, but keeps a wall up.

He’s not overly friendly like he once was. He’ll smile, and hype them up for Brady but that’s it. He says he’s upset with what they put all of us through, especially the emotional toll it put on me.

Dan and Michelle came by Christmas Eve to see Brady.

Justin was once again polite but didn’t say much. A few days later, Michelle told me she’s hurt Justin stopped making an effort. I told her she couldn’t expect him to be the same after all they did and said in court.

She said they apologized and he accepted it. I said yes but actions have consequences and they need to accept it.

Dan told me that I was insensitive to not take Michelle’s side after all they’ve done. Their daughter (Brady’s aunt) tells me Justin and I are in the right.

I don’t know what to think and feel stretched between everyone. AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Whenever someone brings the “but we apologized” (whether or not it was accepted) – I am always reminded of the crumpled paper exercise/analogy. Take a new sheet of paper..

now “hurt it” (crumple it to a ball) .. you can fold it back out, apologize to it, but it’s never going to be that nice smooth sheet of paper again.” ForzaA84

Another User Comments:

“I get why they were upset. I think their reaction was a bit much, but grief can make people do irrational things.

Yet after all that, the only real consequence to them is that you and your current husband aren’t bending over to be nice and build a relationship like before they dragged you to court to interfere with an adoption. In time, the frost will likely thaw a bit.

But what did they expect? They made your life miserable. Despite all of that, you still have them in your child’s life. Congrats on being, without a doubt, the bigger person. Clear NTJ.” ironchef8000

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. You have a right to move on with your life and it’s great that your husband has adopted your son, he’s deffo a keeper.

Up to a point, I understand the grandparents’ feelings, but taking things to court was way too much, especially since they are still able to have a relationship with your son. I commend you for that. OP, you did the right thing and I hope, for Brady’s sake, his grandparents come around and fully accept your husband.” _Begemot_


4. AITJ For Buying My Son's Christmas Gift After My In-Laws Refused To Give It To Him?

QI

“When my husband and I announced to my In-laws we were having a girl (due in April) my FIL’s reaction was turning to my 19month son and with a disgusted face, repeating “it’s a stinking girl, it’s a stinking girl”. He continued to make negative little comments about her to my son.

What put me over the edge was as he was leaving he made it a point to come back into the house, call out my son’s name and tell my son she hoped my daughter would turn out to be a boy.

I said, “No, she’s a girl and if you don’t like it, you won’t be around”.

I grew up with a grandparent who blatantly favoured the boys over us girls. We were nothing to her, so it broke my heart to hear this about my unborn daughter. Bawled my eyes out the rest of that night. The week after that he stopped over uninvited/unannounced and demanded to speak to me.

(The husband told his mother how upset we were with all his negative comments and how I grew up with that.) I tried to avoid him, but he came up to me and said “What, you’re not going to talk to me?” I replied, “I have nothing nice to say to you”.

He said “Wow really?” I repeated, “I have nothing nice to say to you right now”. He lost his temper. Started calling me a horrible person and how

I’m “showing my true colours”. I continued to repeat “I have nothing nice to say to you” (mind you, my toddler is on my hip the entire time this man is yelling and berating me).

Now I’m livid. We haven’t seen him in over 2 months as he hasn’t been welcome at our house. ( He also sent a letter a week later stating my husband and son are no longer patients at his medical practice).MIL has only seen our son twice since because she “feels bad” seeing him when her husband can’t.

He denies doing anything wrong, luckily my husband heard EVERYTHING.

Anyway, MIL asked my husband what we wanted for our son for Christmas so he sent her a link to one of those indoor wooden climbing gyms for toddlers. We thought it would be perfect for him to stay active during winter and when the new baby arrives.

My husband attended his family’s Christmas (my son and I did not go) but his mother would not let him bring the gift home for our son, saying “I want to give it to him”.

Cool, I completely understand that. We invited her over to our house for Christmas Eve, but she won’t come.

She decided (because FIL went out of town) to come over just the other day. My husband asks where the wooden gym was and she says “I want your father to be there and give it to him too”.

Neither my husband nor MIL wants to tell this man he’s in the wrong.

I honestly don’t see anything changing shortly, so I ordered the climbing set myself. It comes in next week.

AITJ?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ – I appreciate that your husband is there for you, but why are you keeping this person in your life at all?

She is prioritizing a “nice” family image over the safety of the small child who was physically threatened by the grandfather. Please protect your baby girl from these people. There is no way the mother hasn’t internalized some of her husband’s deplorable sexism, by the way, as a survival mechanism if nothing else and will manifest it around your daughter.” RNH213PDX

Another User Comments:

“NTJ I bet that MIL is herself not “allowed” to give the gift without FIL by the FIL. Go get your son the gift, they can keep that one at their home as a reminder that they aren’t allowed to treat your kids like crap.

Your SO has been treated like he can’t stand up for himself or his family, hopefully, this is a step towards seeing that people CAN stand up to FIL. Good on you for having the spine your family needs. Stay strong, and get family therapy if needed to help your SO along.

Enjoy shopping for the climber and enjoying your kiddos.” BluebirdAny3077

Another User Comments:

” NTJ – I despise this antiquated view of gender roles. Your FIL is a huge jerk for this and he is very clearly in the wrong. He also severely compounded this by verbally attacking you.

Yes, your husband and/or MIL should admonish him for his behaviour. Given his comments on gender, my guess is your FIL has this patriarchal role where he can’t be wrong since he’s the head of the household and all that BS. I can, however, understand your MIL wanting to give a gift in person, but you are not a jerk for getting the gift yourself.” jrm1102


3. AITJ For Only Speaking Spanish To My Partner Who Won't Learn It?

QI

“I (22F) have been living in the United States for about 3 years. I’m from Argentina and came to the States to continue my education. English is my second language, and even though I’ve been learning it for about 8 years now, it can still get exhausting to process and translate everything before talking (aside from worrying about pronunciation).

I have been seeing my partner (25M) for about 2 years now. For the simplicity of this story, I’ll call him Mike.

This past summer, I went back to my home country for the summer to see family and friends. I was going to be visiting there for about 3 months, which is why I invited Mike to come with me.

I offered to pay for his plane tickets, and he would be staying with me, so he wouldn’t have to pay for any hotel either.

He denied my offer multiple times, and he mentioned excuses such as being “super busy” and “not having the time”.

He was unemployed and not doing anything during this time, so I found it weird but took it as him being nervous about meeting my family, so I let it go.

During the last month of my stay, he randomly brought up that he wanted to come to Argentina, and I agreed happily (despite being weirded out due to him rejecting me before), and we had a great time.

However, Mike couldn’t communicate with most of my family due to them not being fluent in English. I had to be the translator during the whole 3 weeks Mike was there, which ended up being mentally draining for me.

Ever since then, Mike has made empty promises to me that he wants to learn Spanish to be able to talk to both my family and me.

I have always explained that it is a complicated language to learn, but that I would appreciate it so much (as well as my family) if he would learn the basics.

It’s been three months now and Mike has not made any attempt to learn even a single word, despite still being unemployed and sitting at his computer all day.

Fast forward to last week, Mike came up to me very excitedly telling me that he had bought a year subscription for Duolingo and is now learning Japanese. I have never seen him as excited and determined on any task as he is right now.

I got upset at his lack of effort in learning my language and instead gave all his energy to learning a language to better understand anime. I lashed out at him and told him I would only have conversations with him in Spanish moving forward, and it would be his decision whether he wanted to ever have a conversation with me again or not.

Most of my friends, including my family, told me that I overreacted, and wondered why I wanted him to learn Spanish when we both already know English. AITJ here?”

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. You’re being petty but I understand where you’re coming from.

He could have made an effort to learn enough Spanish to be able to communicate and get to know your family. You can take this route or you can have a conversation (in a language you both understand) about why you feel the way you do which would be a healthier option in my opinion” spaghettify

Another User Comments:

“I would worry less about his refusal to study Spanish and more about the fact that he sounds like a complete loser. Everyone’s a jerk here. You’re not wrong for being frustrated but you are enabling your miserable situation. Your BF just sounds like a complete wastrel who brings little, if anything, to the relationship” Funkyzebra1999

Another User Comments:

“Everyone’s a jerk here. He’s an idiot and you’re counterproductive. The guy sounds like a general bum and makes empty promises. Is the relationship with him really that good? Does a relationship with him come with a royal title? You, on the other hand, I have no idea what you’re hoping to achieve.

Force Spanish down his throat? Make him learn a language? Just break up already.” This_Grab_452


2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Grandfather's Memorial After Being Excluded From His Will?

QI

“When I was 4 my mother started seeing my now stepfather, and they were married when I was 6 (I am 21 now). I had no relationship with my bio-dad, and my stepfather is the person I call dad (and refer to as dad in this post).

I have three younger siblings from my mom and dad, and my dad has always treated us the same. This extended also to my relationship with my dad’s family. His parents were always known to me as my grandparents, his siblings my aunts and uncle, and their children my cousins.

I thought we were just one family.

Last year my grandfather passed. When my grandfather’s will was read, he had provided trusts for all of his grandchildren, to pay for college and then to receive the rest at 25. He included each of my siblings and cousins except me – and his lawyer explained that Grandpa was very clear and intentional about only providing for blood relatives.

Finding out my “grandfather” never really saw me as family hurt, it was like losing him twice. My dad was furious. My aunt’s uncle and grandmother tried rationalizing and defending his decision, one of my aunts even talking about “real family”. I spent the next few months finding out that the extended family I thought I was close to saw me as an outsider.

My dad did provide money to pay my college tuition from his inheritance. I didn’t want to accept it since it came from Grandpa, but my dad insisted. The whole thing affected my relationship with my grandmother, who I’m not sure I even consider to be my grandma anymore.

I think Grandpa made it clear how he saw me with his will, and everyone who defends him agrees. There have been attempts at apologies or to talk to me over the last couple of months, but truthfully I do not forgive my dad’s family and can never unhear what was said.

They’re having a memorial service/family day thing for my grandpa at the end of the month to mark one year. I don’t want to go, not much interest in celebrating his life right now. Grandma did call me to ask me to come. A cousin followed up and said she wanted me there and kept asking how to fix it, this whole thing is heartbreaking for her.

My dad’s relationship with his family is still tense, I think he wants me to go but would never ask. I get that this is all complicated by the fact that he is still mourning the death of his dad. I lost my grandfather twice, and unfortunately with him gone he can never make amends or explain so there can be no forgiveness from me (beefing with the deceased is wild).

I’m not trying to hurt Grandma, and I certainly want to support my dad who means everything to me, but I’m not interested in going to this service or the family day after. WIBTJ if I skipped it?”

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. I wouldn’t go.

There are legal remedies if the others want to give up a portion of their inheritance to provide some for you. They want the appearance of harmony without paying for it. They want you to suffer the humiliation of being told that you aren’t “real” family but still act like you are so they don’t have to feel bad.

Anyone who isn’t actively trying to remedy this is a willing participant. If you don’t feel like memorializing the man who claimed to be your grandpa but wasn’t, then don’t.” grckalck

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Your feelings are 100% valid. Your dad’s relatives don’t seem to see you as family so why should you bother doing anything for them at this point?

I would at the very least go to your Grandma and explain to her why you don’t want to go to the service though. Also, I’m sorry for the nonsense your dad’s relatives are putting you through. I know it must be rough.” A_MASSIVE_JERK

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. If you don’t want to go, don’t go. However, I would add that this memorial service isn’t just about how you and your grandpa are related to each other. It’s an event for the entire family to come together, remember someone, and reminisce/celebrate that person.

I think not going might drive a wedge further between you and the rest of your family. I think going might signal that you are part of the family even though one member of the family didn’t think so.” BeardManMichael


1. AITJ For Forcing My Sister To Choose Between Me And My Ex?

QI

“Recently I (25F) broke up with my partner (22F). It wasn’t pleasant, and I guess both of us held a lot of grudges.

My sister (25F) and my ex are still good friends. I was the one who introduced them. They were the most important people in my life, so naturally, I wanted them to get along. I wanted my partner to meet my family, but my parents are homophobes who would never accept me being in a relationship with a woman, so I started with my sister.

Moreover, they are both very creative and have many common interests. I was so glad when they became friends!

When we broke up, I expected support from my sister. And she talked to me and helped me to find a therapist. But then I found out that she supported my ex too.

I have screenshots of my sister sympathizing with my ex and saying that I treated her poorly.

This would be understandable if my ex was not horrible. She demanded my attention 24/7 (even though I am studying for a master’s degree and working two jobs, while she is fully funded by her parents).

She would throw tantrums if I forgot to like her photo. I had to report to her every step and be delighted with everything she loved. Her needs and preferences were always a priority, and I was forced into many things I didn’t like to please her.

She used the fact that she was slightly younger than me to act like a capricious child, and then complained that she felt inferior to me. And of course, she was jealous of my friends, my sister included.

It got worse after our break up.

She turned into a stalker. She turned our mutual friends against me (I introduced her to everyone, so we shared one social circle) and wrote nasty things about me on the Internet. I was just scared when I found out that my sister was communicating with both of us because I thought that my ex could find out about me from my sister and use this information against me.

Besides, it’s simply unpleasant to know that they gossip about me.

So I told my sister that she had to choose between me and my ex. That I don’t feel safe with her anymore. But she responded that I have no right to force her to choose.

That my ex and I are both wrong about something and that my relationship with my ex should not affect my sister’s relationship with her. In addition, she said that stalking and cyberbullying are not a big deal, it’s just how my ex copes with the breakup, and I should understand her.

I called my sister a hypocrite. I said that she was trying to sit on two chairs, but this is not a situation in which compromises are possible. She can’t claim to love me and want the best for me while trying to be nice to my ex too.

AITJ for making my sister choose between me and her friend?”

Another User Comments:

“YTJ. Your sister is right not to let you blackmail her into giving up her friendships. ​ “My dad’s birthday is coming up soon, so my mom tries to force me into changing my mind and just “ignoring me”.

So you are willing to give up all of your family because your sister is unwilling to let you push her around?” Excellent-Count4009

Another User Comments:

“NTJ. Don’t listen to the haters and the ones saying you are the YTJ because you are not For the cyberbullying can you get a new phone and make a new account for any social media and put your account on private But can you visit one day before the birthday party and take him out for lunch or something and give him the birthday gift that day” Psychological_Cat521

Another User Comments:

“Everyone sucks here. You broke up with your ex and that relationship is over for you. What else could she find out from your sister that she doesn’t already know? That you are moving on, don’t mention anything about her and are happy?

Except you aren’t, and I can understand that can be difficult also if you are exiting an abusive relationship. However, you do not get to dictate who your sister has a relationship with. If your ex is as bad a friend as they were a romantic partner, your sister is warned by you and has a right to make her own mistakes.

The only thing such ultimatums do is hurt your relationship with your sister. In the end, obviously, your sister’s comment about cyberbullying being not a big deal means she is a jerk too.” atealein


In conclusion, life is a complex web of relationships, decisions, and dilemmas. From navigating familial bonds, managing friendships, to handling personal affairs, these stories have shown us the varying shades of right and wrong. It's clear that life doesn't always offer easy answers, but it's our actions and choices that define us. We hope you enjoyed these stories and invite you to explore more of our articles below. Note: Some stories have been shortened and modified for our audiences.